For the Love of Food// Concerning the Matters of the Heart: Asian Beauty

The past few days I have been inhaling whatever food my mom places in front of me. My skin is paying the price of eating to much mango (well that's what I think it is). Yesterday I shared a mango crepe with Robyn, sucked on three mango pits that my mom saved for me and one mango pudding she made just for me (we have a whole line of them waiting for me to consume still). This morning I woke up with hives and my skin was irritated and it was so embarrassing. I need my Reactin again.Food plays such a huge aspect within the Chinese culture.. To the non-Asian eye, we appear to eat anything that doesn't kill: abalone, shark fin, birds nest, sea cucumber, squid, chicken feet- many of the things Westerners turn their heads away, us Chinese hold as a delicacy. Have you noticed while many Western malls have very few people, Chinese plazas are always full of cars and people? Just take a look at how people used to greet each other- they ask 'have you eaten yet?'. Our restaurants overflow with people- the cheapest and most satisfying meals can be found in Chinatown or the Markham area. 'Guai lo'/ Caucasian office workers line up at 'Zhong's BBQ' shop in First Markham place to get a succulent meal of two meats of their choice and a mound of steaming white rice for a mere $6. From festivals where men raced up mountains of buns (yeah I learned that in the Hong Kong History Museum!) to the sharing of moon cakes, the Chinese have long celebrated both food and the process of consumption dearly. Perhaps this is from the lack of food in the past- in our history- that we have held food with such reverence.Yet in the wake of this mass consumption, is China destroying itself by feeding its people? With unsustainable practices of collecting food such as that black grass stuff called 'fat choi' (which personally reminds me of black hair), the natural riches of China will soon run dry. This particular grass which is found in northern China holds in much of the moisture in the soil yet with the Chinese eating it for the sake of the 'luckiness' found within the name, the land is quickly becoming a barren desert. Why they don't harvest it, I don't have the answer to. See I'm trying to write in an essay format! :P

Concerning the Matters of the Heart: Asian Beauty

My friend Vanessa(who is Filipino and white) once wrote a personal essay in grade 12 that I had to edit, that dealt with the absense of belonging within one race. She compared and contrast her loud, boisterous Filipino family with the quiet, reserved side of her father's family who are Caucasian. Yet more and more, I can see how Asian Americans can identify with this sense of a loss of a cultural identity. I think, all my life from living in Toronto to Hong Kong, I've never really been seen as Asian in a Chinese person's eyes yet not 'white' in a Caucasian's point of view. There is always this shift in between the two-never fully embracing one or the other.
And today was a reminder of such differences. I was at FMP with my mother because I was tired of the typical American clothing and I thought a bit of 'fobby' clothing would do me some good. We were walking around when I spotted this lookalike Anthropologie/Anna Sui dress (chiffon yellow green tone with ruching on bust, feather and dot pattern spiraling upwards from hem with a green sash.. underlayer a darker green if you must know. :P A mere $69 plus 30% off.) so I decided to go into the store to look at it (Chinese salespeople intimidate me). My mom and I concluded that it wouldn't fit me but the woman insisted I would so I tried it on anyhow. And standing in front of the mirror (which is outside of the dressing room which i hate.. who wants people to see what they look like before they get to see themself???) it just reminded me of my grade 8 graduation and my search for a dress that just fit (Caucasian dresses have too large of a bust area and Chinese dresses are too short or small on me). Because the Chinese dress is designed for your typical cute waif 5'5" Chinese girl with no breasts- the garment hit me in all the wrong places at the top. I was quite disappointed- so was my mom. I always feel fat in Asian stores. What a downer.
Yesterday I was reading my old 'Asian Beauty' book that I had purchased in gr 10... I remember buying this book- it was a hefty $70 for a hardcover and a ton of illustrations. This book was chockful of beautiful images and makeup advice and whatnot for Asian and biracial women. However I read this book many times not because I wanted to follow the makeup tips to enhance Asian aesthetics but because it served as a self esteem booster. A rare item that would help me appreciate my own physical attributes contrary to what they say in Harpers or Elle. (You must understand that it is so very important to me when I see an Asian model within the fashion world- I sometimes just cut out a picture of them because they're Asian). I never did once do anything that this hardcover book advised me to do- I read it to make myself believe that I was beautiful without the blonde hair, blue eyes and delicate nose. This book seemed to tell me what I wanted to hear- that Asians were also included in this definition of beauty. I brought this book back with me to Hong Kong during the summer of 2002 where I spent many hours just poring over the pages of makeup tips (as you can tell, I don't follow any of them).. I carefully copied two of the models in my sketchbook, fully fleshed out in colour pencil (you can see them on my deviantart gallery) and have cherished this glossy book for many years. Sometimes, I just pull it out off my shelf and flip through the pages and read bits and pieces everywhere, close it, and put it away for another day.
Sadly, the most tragic of ironies within this book, are the models. Half of them are biracial (they were born gorgeous.. why do we even need to feature them in an Asian book. some of the barely look asian) and those that were Chinese, had blonde/western wigs, and coloured contacts. She speaks about being comfortable with our own ethnicity yet models her women from Westerners.
You can say it's pathetic, but this is how I find my reaffirmation from a Japanese celebrity make up artist who has worked with stars like Mel Gibson and Audrey Hepburn. I remember reading this article on a woman who on an impulse, purchased a $4000 Vera Wang and never wore it out.. she wore it around her house whenever she felt sad or disappointed... and it was worn many times. To everyone else, this was lunacy, to her it was therapy. And for me, this book does the same.

Raise the Red Lantern: hopes have extinguished

So now I'm getting quite desperate for the 'perfect' internship/job. I want one here back at home.


Ugh I am so disappointed. I have been waiting to order the 1991 'Raise the Red Lantern' of Gong Li on dvd and everyone on Amazon said the dvd quality is poor and the subtitles suck. I'm sad. Now I have to get the VHS version except by the time I get it... i'll be in NY minus a vhs machine... I want to see it so bad.
The thing is, when I do watch Chinese films, they're always old ones. And once I went into a chinese video rental and asked for Gong li movies and they gave me a funny look because she's a relatively old actress. Everyone only sells current dvds. Even bootleggers. :(

Hm I'm adding a ton of stuff to my wishlist on Amazon including the two disc set for Memoirs of a Geisha which comes out on the 28th... I just want to see the second disc with the behind the scenes stuff. I was just thinking today.. those who buy the two disc versions of dvds either are art nerds and fans who enjoy watching how the film was created and rich idiots who just want to say they have the SPECIAL set rather than the one disc. It's true.
Anyway, I've added numerous Japanese textile books to my wishlist which include Japanese iconography. I have become quite obsessed with traditional Japanese culture. Since I can't afford antique kimonos (my dream one was $6500 and I think some rich collector bought it -_- I have a picture of it though) I think I shall start collecting sheets of yuzen washi paper. HAHAHA. $16/sheet. I know, I have pricey hobbies.
Anyway today I was mulling around and was watching tv when this book with the word 'JAPAN' splashed across it caught my eye down in my basement.. So I just lay down on my couch watching Tomb Raider and read up on Kyoto and the hotels and the different districts so for when I really do go back, I shall know much about the area. :P My mom asked me what I was reading and deemed me crazy but very good to know about. Did you know the cherry blossoms in Japan will bloom in the first week of April and we're all going to miss it because we're stuck here? Lol.


And if you thought persecution was a thing of the past:

'Prime Minister Stephen Harper phoned Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai Wednesday to express his concerns about an Afghan man facing a death penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity.'

Spring break.. yeah right.

Hm.. for Soph's birthday gift, we were supposed to take her to a spa/salon for her to get her makeup done and I'd photograph her somewhere but now I have no idea what's happening. Well it gives me a good reason to look and sift through magazines now and to find what kind of atmosphere, lighting, clothing, drama I want to convey. Gotta remind myself the main objective is to make her look pretty. This is fun.

When I have a place of my very own, I want to establish a design library full of books on fashion, architecture, accessories, interior design, art history texts, paper, illustrations, graphics, landscape and random things so when the river runs dry, I can turn to these books for inspiration. Yes. That's what I'll do starting now.

Yesterday the watch seller man at Market village sold me four genuine italian leather watch straps for $6 each and he doesn't profit from this because he found out I was using them for my picnic project. So sweet.

I got my Yuzen chigoyami paper today... they are absolutely beautiful. I had to do a ton of research. They're imported from Japan to this 10000 sq ft warehouse which i didn't have a chance to go to because it's downtown... I went to one of their resellers.. just so happens my mom taught one of the salesladie's sons at church... lol.. no discount though. Anyway, when I first saw the paper, it felt like revealing a piece of art- a piece of a kimono. I am learning so much about japanese paper it's kind of sad how obsessed I have become with traditional Japanese culture. These sheets of paper are very unlike western wrapping paper.. they're made out of special fibres- resemble tissue which is very tough. The designs I chose are pink depicting a patterned scene of cherry blossoms and water) with gold outline to everything. There were some sharper and deeper colours such as this dark blue with silver blue lines flowing through and it was so- beautiful. It reminded me of water flowing under the bridge: catching the sparkles of the sun and the shadows of the cool wood. I decided with the pink because it matched the season of picnic outings. There was also a flamboyant red and black one with white cranes and gold but i think it'd be an eyesore after a while sitting at my table.

I don't know about any teenager out there.. but I can bet i am one of the most knowledgeable 18 year old girl when it comes to hinges.... ugh.... I have researched so many hinges and watched things with hinges work in my house.. if you think they're easy to put on... think again. They're not. I am having so much trouble getting a 270 degree angle because I don't want that little gap.. not that it makes sense in my blog but if you observe cabinets, the space between the door and the left side of the frame (the pivot point) is the part I'd like not to have.. impossible. gonna go to Lee's Valley to ask them how to make this. I am such a handywoman now. lol.

I went to Value Village today. One of my favourite stores. Not that I have ever purchased clothing there for myself (YET) but it is the possibility of finding something for real cheap. I bought two belts (I found two the same!) for my picnic basket to keep the plates in so they are suspended onto one side of the picnic basket in which the belts create an 'X'.. they even match the watch straps I got.. I know this makes no sense here but I'll photograph the piece after I am finished providing it looks nice. $2.3 for two leather belts: men's, that is.

Omg... I have so much crap to bring back home with me.. my dad bought me a Dremel set and now he's getting me a stand so I can create grooves and slots.... no rooooom.. dremels are amazing: they can cut, saw, polish, sand, create grooves, slots, decorative elements... insane. It's like every tool machine all in one little thing. Amazing.

Unconditional Love

(blogging a lot today. :P)
There are those times when you really see how much your parents love you. And I saw that when they drove down here to visit me in New York. No, wasn't just the trip itself. It was because I had to buy wood for my project and I didn't know what kind to get (I thought I had to get basswood when it was actually plywood.. my mistake) and they went to this lumber yard across their hotel in New Jersey and purchased a 4 by 8 foot piece of birch plywood (0.5 inch thick) and paid $40 plus another $15 to get it cut into the measurements I wanted. And then they drove into New York (another $6 toll) and gave it to me... the extra wood was too long so we got it cut at this dumb lumber place down the street which charged us $10 to slice two pieces of wood -_- that took less than one min.. what a rip off. And my parents even got me veneer lining to line the edges of my wood so you can't see the wood chips on the side when I'm finished. I then found out I couldn't get table top hinges at just any hardware store because it's a specialty so they went the next day before taking their UN Tour and it cost $70 for four. Yikes. This is one pricey project. But I'm so grateful and I feel so bad for making them spend so much time on my homework. :S


I should start on homework... Maybe I'll do some more editing on photoshop which I still don't know how to use.

Aw.. tania wrote this in her blog about me,
Long ago, when I was in Grade 10, I was in the stage where I wanted to be the 'rebel' that teenagers always want to be. But something Sam told me then really put things into perspective: it's harder to be good than it is to be bad. When she said that, I didn't take her all that seriously. But I think deep down, I knew that she was smarter than I was. She had set a higher standard for herself, and what I was doing was settling for less. Slowly, since high school, I have surrounded myself with right people to influence me to do the right thing. It's been a challenge here so far, but I just have to be the example and show them that it's harder to be good, but in the end, doing what's right beats screwing yourself or other people over any day.

That was not the most profound quote I ever gave someone but whatever. :P but it's harder to climb up than it is to fall down.


"Why is it that gay men are the one who dictates what women should wear?"
Hhaha.. I once heard that from somewhere and I thought that was pretty darn funny. Lol. Just thinking about it makes me laugh.


Oh God let us be, a generation that seeks, that seeks your face O God of Jacob


It was nice to come back to RHCBC today. I like the worship at RHCBC better because I know the songs and they're not so loud as the ones at the Journey Church. I find the one worship at RHCBC more intimate whereas the other is more concert.. but perhaps that is because I know people here and not in NY. Aaron asked me if I had settled into my church and I gave a flatout 'no'. lol. Oh dear.

Life as it Is

We are all just waiting to see what important role we'll play in the grand scheme of things: our niche in society. All that we've toiled, struggled, sacrificed and worked for to culminate into some reward for the fruits of our labour- that perhaps we all shall leave some impression in the world, and not be forgotten.
It's interesting to see when you look at photographs, you are hit instantly by a distinct memory which your brain dug up from your lengthy history. Isn't it so awesome that your brain has stored so much information that you weren't really conscious of until something triggers it?
Although I haven't done anything big in my life, when I just look at my history through photographs: all those birthday parties in Hong Kong, dinner parties here in Canada, the Beijing trip in gr 5 with the Great Wall and the Forbidden city, the cruise, wedding, chilling at school, gifts, Christmases, grad, prom, Demetres, family portraits at Tania;s house (lol) ... I feel as if my life already has so much depth with those I have impacted and those who have touched my life... such richness and power seen through the laughing faces, the beauty of the exotic places I have been (most in Asia: twice to Malaysia, twice to Singapore, Phuket in Thailand, Shanghai, Guilen, Shenzen, Beijing twice, Bali, Japan thrice (and I still want to goooo), Hong Kong.. and in Europe: France, Italy, Monaco.. and North America: Vancouver, Banff, San Diego, SF, LA, Toronto.. hmmm not that many places here.. kind of ironic). Oh memories. They just get better with age.


So at lab class on friday, my teacher expected someone who hadn't spoken yet to talk about their stream of conscience doodling concerning films, tv, and books... I spoke about how I got really interested in foreign films: their abstractness and how they differ from the cookie cutter Hollywood-tainted American films. That they did not serve to just merely earn money but to address an issue (Temptress Moon with Gong Li addressing the issue of opium and the struggles of Chinese vs Western influences, Farewell my Concubine: Cultural Revolution, old traditional Chinese ideas, Communism). And if not an issue, to give a portrayal of a certain person and their struggles or some real art house movie like The Pillow Book (showed two screens: one big one and one tiny one on top). And American movies like to keep the viewers interested and the plot line moving by adding tons of music in it which i think is not entirely necessary. In foreign films, there are many quiet shots and awkward silences of a person carrying on with their daily duties: but it makes me appreciate the beauty within mundane chores and everyday things... the sound of train running along the tracks.


My mom thinks that if i change the way I dress to work at Abercrombie, it's like sacrificing my identity.. to me style is disposable and changeable and constantly evolving. You can take upon personas. It's a second skin that you live in.

Food

Last night my parents and I and my cousin, Michelle and my 'aunt' Auntie Sharon went to eat at this place called Serafina (awesome name I'd call my daugher one day except spelled: Seraphina. hahaha).. I was late because I took the downtown train instead of the uptown and only realized after three stops. I regret not apologizing to Auntie Sharon though.
Anyway so I basically loaded on food the past three days to somehow counteract all the gross caf food I've been feeding on the past two months. So I ended up having a succulent Cornish Hen with the finest mashed potatoes (melt in your mouth and extremely delicate in flavour) and spinach. It was amazing. And itw as $20. And I got a huge slice of tiramisu to finish it all off. And how did I feel after? Like my stomach was a thin water balloon: the rubber about to burst open. Lol. I haven't had such wonderful food in such a long time.. the only food I buy is bagels. My jaw still hurts, I think from my gluttonous chewing which was too vigorous or something. HAHAH.. We then watched Hairspray.. we got amazing tickets... the first row center balcony...

You can always tell the New Yorkers from the tourists: tourists dress up to go everywhere because New york is the supposed glam city of the world when it's not. We were at the MOMA and I saw a group of girls dressed in semi formal attire: skirts, dresses, silk blouses and it was evident that they were some gr 8 grads or gr 12 seniors on a school end of the year field trip. Psh. We scoffed at them.. lol. I could understand going to the MET looking like that because it suits the atmosphere and architecture but the MOMA is contemporary minimalist. MET is the whole Greek architecture with Corinthian pillars and all that jazz. Same with Hairspray: all the girls at the back were in skirts (btw, it's really windy in NY and freaking cold). I felt underdressed. ahahah..

Maybe I should be a food photographer. Oh the possibilities. :P

It's a wonderful world

For lab we were going to go to the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) and look at this new exhibit they had called 'Take Two'. I've noticed that art is turning more and more into science and observation. Modern art aims to make you more aware of your sensory perceptions and your place in the world whereas traditional art serves to heighten religious beliefs and recreate beauty.
There was this one piece I really liked by Janet Cardiff, a Canadian artist. It was just a room- the entrance had a low ceiling and when I went through, it became this one large white room with a shaded glass window- the height of the walls were at least 20 feet. Surrounding the whole room were eight sets of five speakers, encircling a few leather seats. From the speakers came this choral song, which was intended for Queen Elizabeth 1. And if you walked around each speaker, you could hear the different single voice. It sounded so different from when you heard the all the voices together. It was absolutely beautiful- transcending beauty. I got the shivers.
Veronica, Lauren and I decided then to get a bite to eat so we went to the cafe where we loaded on food... it was really yummy. Got a pear tart for my mom because she always thinks of those whenever we speak of the MOMA. hahaha...
Today was a really good day. Wonderful weather.

Cheating and Christian Models

It annoys me that people cheat on homework and get away with it. Sigh. Then again I have helped someone to do it also.
Liz has finished all her work and Bonnie has her shoe to do due Thurs but a mini essay and a big drawing due tomorrow... so Liz is doing it for her as payment for the haircuts that she gave her.
It's not fair.
Allie and Bonnie trade homework assignments.
Allie once had to do a merchandise project and she pulled an all nighter and I did all her advertisement posters for her on the computer. And her teacher loved them. Sigh.
It's honestly not fair.
She keeps saying 'Oh I feel so bad for making you do this...'
Do people not have morals or standards anymore?

We were watching this reality show called 8th & Ocean which is basically about models in Miami who work to pay their bills within the agency.. and there's this one girl from Kansas who is Christian and they followed her to this- I guess- this place called 'Models For Christ' where models could congregate and worship with their peers... and they were sitting in a wide circle singing and Allie, Bonnie, Laura all snickered and were like 'give me a break'. I didn't say anything but it really got me wondering as to how tolerant people really claim they are... they can take the booze, smoking pot, swearing etc but not people singing to a God they believe. They say they are tolerant, open minded people who 'absolutely love gay guys'. To me, they're setting up a double standard where they see cynicism in sincerity. Bonnie mentioned that it 'would be hard for a model to remain Christian' when the Kansas girl said she wanted to keep her faith while in the industry. Yes, but so what? In cutthroat industries like modeling and fashion, it's hard to see how one can stand their ground because it is so 'open' and 'tolerant'. I think the cynicism was really based on their discomfort to watch another level of intimacy and interaction with something supernatural.

history

There are some people you can talk to in large groups of friends but if you were face to face with him/her, it's really awkward. However there are some people who are great conversationalists and who you can talk to one on one and not feel uncomfortable with.

I am so full of Chinese history right now... I'm annoyed (okay it's more like mad, but that sounds kind of psycho considering how long ago it was) that the British sold opium to the Chinese and caused tens of thousands of people to get addicted- and when the Chinese government tried to stop them from trading, they forced their way in and borrowed Hong Kong and parts of Kowloon and Shanghai. How ridiculous does that sound: the chinese government refused to let us sell drugs to the people so we fought a battle and took over their ports so we could continue selling drugs.
I guess no one really understands it... I understand it more after watching so many Gong Li foreign films that addressed this dreadful addiction (it reminds me of heroine) and the political unrest in the 1900s.

Blah... I've written a seven page essay which is still in its first draft stage. I write too much for my own good.

Louis Vuitton

So for my 3D project, I've decided to make a picnic 'basket' (no not weaved but a wooden one) that turns into a table when you open it all out.... Except I couldn't figure out a way to keep the sides to stay together yet still make it look pretty. My teacher said I needed to get fabric and snaps but that would look kind of ugly. So I was with Bonnie trying to find this beautiful little vintage clothing store (no I didn't get anything) and she bought a pair of $10 shoes which needed to be repaired at the bottom of the heel because it was getting worn out. We went to this shoe shop and while I was standing around waiting, I browsed his wares on the wall.. and it just clicked! There was a whole wall full of leather watch straps and I could just buy the straps and stick it on either side of the facades and strap it in when i want the picnic basket to close and hold together and still make it look beautiful! genius! I'm modeling the picnic basket after a Japanese food box: it'll be completely stained and varnished on the outside and the inside I'm going to line it with Japanese fabric paper so when you open up the table, there will be somne kind of colour transformation. I went to an art store in Chinatown the other day and they had the most beautiful Japanese yuzen paper: dark midnight blue with dotted gold and silver cloud/scale shapes and it cost $15 for a sheet. Yikes.
Anyway, so my teacher was saying how I should look at Louis Vuitton's custom made trunks and luggage which fold out and have all these fancy things inside to examine how they were made... so I'm doing that right now and I saw this picture of a book Louis Vuitton has published and I wanted to see what was inside to get inspiration. It was on this Japanese girl's blog and I ended up reading that entry in which she said her parents get her Louis Vuitton for her birthday every year (yikes).. the bag she got was only sold in 2004 and it cost $3000. My parents would never spend that much money on me. Lol. I've never liked their monogrammed bags but that's besides the point. Did you know their bags are made out of canvas and not leather: the same stuff I use for my paintings? Insane. Anyway, that entry reminded me of this article Bonnie read about Japanese women who spend at least a third of their income on designer bags: it's their culture norm. Canadians just happen to be really practical.
I like this kind of research. :P
Lol my teacher wrote me some suggestions for my paper on my grandmother's wedding jacket and asked questions like: did your mother wear it? would you wear it? Would you hand embroider one? The last question cracked me up because I can't even embroider. It got caught on my violin's velcro strap and loosened some of the silk floss :( scared now.

Irony, and What'd I'd Do Without the Internet (like last week)

Take a look at this picture:
http://x48.xanga.com/9db843531613013037925/b8923841.jpg


Now, tell me what's wrong with it. This is the first edition that Vogue has launched in Shanghai, China (their version of a chinese vogue) yet it has failed miserably in capturing the unique characteristics of the Chinese. Firstly, in the actual cover of the magazine, only the first three models on the left are seen (you have to unfold this flap to see the other three figures on the right). Remember the game they played on Sesame Street: Which one doesn't belong? Pick out the person who stands out the most. Yes, the white girl otherwise known as Gemma Ward, an Australian model. Addressing the formalist characteristics of this cover, it is interesting to note that the 'white girl' is dressed in pink while the other five asian models are in more neutral tones. Have you noticed the slight but noticeable height difference? Gemma Ward is slightly taller than the rest and is featured smack in the middle of the cover. I just noticed she is the only one with her hair down! So why is there a Caucasian model featured within a specifically proclaimed version of the CHINESE Vogue? Even the Chinese models have very white features especially their cheekbones. It really annoys me. The first ever China Vogue and they still have to reinforce this 'white supremacy'.
My lab teacher made me talk about why I think cosmetic surgery is so popular with Asian culture and I started babbling about things like how Shanghai was divided between Britain and France and how they were discriminated against and the Chinese have always felt this need to live up to Western standards after being put down all those years ago... and how Beijing is giving people english lessons for the olympics.. and how if you notice all the ads in HK, they're all of white people especially the fashion ones. lol I don't think I had a point.. just babbling and acting like an idiot in class as usual. Oh dang it.. I had a lot more to say but she put me on the spot and I just started my own tangent... nooo....


I love the cello.


Today it was 16 degrees here... Uncanny! Just yesterday I was wearing jeans and a long coat and today I was in a skirt and sweating in my coat... insane what this weather is like here.
I am so excited to get an apartment.. ecstatic! bonnie and I were discussing today how we were going to place everything.. we decided to leave the walls blank and put up pictures or just hooks and display her extravagant hats and our dressses. Very loserish, but whatever. It's probably going to end up looking like a clothing store. We also wanted to have one wall just a huge shelf of crates stacked upon each other and just put things in.


I've figured it out... if I don't do eco-fashion, I'll do fashion photography. If not, then I'll go into fashion journalism since I like to write so much. Good plan. :P


So I'm trying to find an apartment for next year. As an 18 year old, I have no clue as to what I should look for in an apartment and what to consider and what fees I should think about.. I know there are broker fees and usually an extra registration fee.. Sigh.. I also need to know my real estate smarts: I don't want to get gyped. But I found this amazing place RIGHT NEXT TO OUR SCHOOL on 13th and 5th Ave. I want it.. but it's expensive. I think we could afford it if I got two more people to share. Go Craigslist.com! I also found a place available in the apartment right across our dorm.. funny... bonnie and I are gonna go to the open house this sunday.. just walk across the street to see what it looks like. The exteriors look nice but from the photos, the inside looks kinda ugly. :P

I am so image driven it's kind of sad... not- image really.. but beauty driven. Whenever I see something beautiful whether it be in nature or in a store window, I can just stare and take it in. It inspires and stirs something deep down within. When I hear a beautiful song, I just revel in the melody and allow myself to get carried away within the song and start daydreaming.
You know what the saddest thing my roomies and i have done? It was the past weekend, when we didnt have internet, Bonnie and I decided to try to synchronize songs on both our laptops .. together so we'd get surround sound we did this to 'children', 'My Heart Will Go On' and 'Fable'.. it was so sad. And then when Allie got back we did it on all three comps with 'Pump It' and 'My Humps'. Very funny and extremely sad. But when they're in sync, it sounds like one perfect melody. Really weird. Now you see what we'd do without the Internet. If I didn't blog, I'd be syncing my music with my roomies. :P

While I was researching stuff on Shanghai, I came across this interesting quote written by a white person:

The Chinese are, indeed, very different from western peoples in some of their customs.
"They mount a horse on the right side instead of the left. The old men play marbles and fly kites, while children look gravely on. They shake hands with themselves instead of with each other. What we call the surname is written first and the other name afterwards. A coffin is a very acceptable present to a rich parent in good health. In the north they sail and pull their wheelbarrows in place of merely pushing them.
China is a country where the roads have no carriages and the ships have no keels; where the needle points to the south, the place of honour is on the left hand, and the seat of intellect is supposed to lie in the stomach; where it is rude to take off your hat, and to wear white clothes is to go into mourning. Can one be astonished to find a literature without an alphabet and a language without a grammar?"[5]

It's interesting to observe how two entirely different groups of people create traditions and customs that are totally opposite.

Did you know there's a new show called 'Black and White' which is a new reality series on two families: one black and one white, who go undergo cosmetic changes (non surgerical) and become the opposite race to see what it feels like. I think it sounds so messed up.

People who are indifferent or don't try to carry a conversation, annoy me.

I got my dread Drawing Fundamentals midterm evaluation today.. last semester, because got puke on my work, she said she wasn't sure where my priorities were and I got a mere average and below average.. although I can definitely say with confidence, I am better than most people in my class when it comes to traditional art and drawing. Our teacher who is usually nice in person, is really blunt when it comes to written crits or whatever.. she told michael he was one of the worst in our class (who wants to be told that?). Well I can say I got 'above average' in everything save the Craft Category which was average because she said I blend too much. Lol. Alright. She also wrote this in comments:
Samantha, last semester- at mid-semester- I told you I couldn't tell where your priorities were. I no longer have any question. It's very clear that you are working harder, with greater concentration, and focus on goals. Last semester you seemed rather distrated, even passive; now you are taking yourself seriously and actively challenging yourself. Your work is much improved. GREAT PROGRESS!
Ps. You're outside project is one of the best, if not the best, in this class!

Sweetness! HAhahaha.. that last compliment just blew me away. You don't understand.. my teacher usually never gives big compliments. She always likes to say 'you're on the right track' or 'it's good'. We are working on these personal object portraits (a collection of your most personal objects to draw from) and she loves mine because I've avoided the typical laptops, dvds, cds, music, ipods, purses, shoes etc and instead put in my violin, an ivory necklace my mother gave me, a necklace that I and Tania have a part of, lai see packets, a fan from Japan the last summer, the qi pao, a camera and a pair of scissors (love cutting up pictures) all placed inside the violin case. Yay that made my day today. I've been constantly trying to prove to everyone that I'm great at drawing. lol. Now I just have to do a value study of the drawing and then blow it up and do it again in charcoal. I feel pressured to make it look amazing now.. :( I feel giddy though.





And that is why passion is so great: it motivates and inspires you to do more. This whole semester, I've been riding on passion to spur me on to do better in my artwork. If I love it, I wouldn't care if people gave me constructive criticism and I wouldn't mind spending time on it. I took my digital design picture of bonnie three times because he said he wanted something different and something more.. I don't mind.. I love taking pictures and it'll work well with this photography portfolio I'm trying to build up. I've realized I have a knack at capturing sensuality. I love showing people a glimpse of what I love, so I don't really mind doing this personal object portrait study of my violin etc because all these things are uniquely me. I don't mind writing a huge long paper on gender and race because-hm- I just don't mind? I started writing it this morning and it became a huge long rant about the dominance of western culture.. I've got to tie it back in to my original thesis some how.. :S

Haha I'm talking to Robyn right now (who is not coming till April now.... I shake my fist at you!) told me this cute little story about Coby, in our church:

elaine told me that she took coby to the doctors today (he's 3).. and he had to sit on the chair and take of his shirt to monitor his breathing and the doctor asked elaine if he could speak in two word sentences yet and coby replied "i dont like being naked!"

He's like a mini Jonathan!

I am the only one who isn't sick in this room... Allie calls it a giant cess pool of germs. LOL

For Public Consumption ;)

Leaving a Legacy
As feminism grew in the 70's (?), people questioned whether females could be the breadwinners of the family, rather than the male. Women have always been associated with motherhood and rearing children while the men get to work and earn money to support them. So I was thinking... we women protest that it is unfair that the men get to don a suit and work at an office while we get to stay home and pack lunches and pick up the kids from school and doing the 'dirty work'... we must also consider that the husbands will be working to earn something that is only 'temporary' while women almost build their own legacy through caring and helping their children to grow- something that lasts. It is something that requires faith amongst tremendous uncertainty. Personally I think it's easier to control your own career and earn money because you can teach and try to raise your children like how you want them to be but in the end, they are the ones who decide how they want to live. No guarantees but can reap great rewards.


Nothing Comes Cheap
My pastor once said, higher living requires a higher cost. True true.


China--> Earnestly Trying to Conform
Interestingly enough, China is giving people free English lessons for the Olympics and trying to teach the people 'western manners'. I read this article and here's a funny excerpt from it concerning when people spit:
You have to spit into a tissue or a bag, and then put it into a dustbin to complete the process," she explained.
Zhang said her office has organized a small army of volunteers who are hitting Beijing's streets to hand out small "spit bags" and wearing bright orange uniforms with the Chinese character for "mucous" emblazoned in yellow on the back.
Public spitters already face fines up to 50 yuan (about $7 Cdn)


Globalization: the Melting Pot of Cultures
I think one of the worst consequences of globalization is the loss of diverse cultures. It is as if everyone wishes and aspires to be 'American'. Right now I'm researching and studying the Chinese 'qi pao' or also known as the cheongsam. The modern cheongsam evolved from the long loose shirt-looking thing into something tight fitting with slits along the side for an eyeful of leg. Why? Because Shanghainese prostitutes would conduct business with Americans and they turned the baggy qi pao so that it gave the woman a defined silhouette.
And now to satisfy the American stereotypes of Chinese women, we have now produced tacky polyester versions with clasps that have replaced the intricate Chinese knots.
And one part of me is fighting against such Americanization but it's too late. I can wear the part but the inside does not reflect the exterior. The Pillow Book is an extremely interesting diary of a Japanese woman. not just because it was set in the 11th century, but because we catch a glimpse of what a culture was like prior to Western influences: untouched, pure and unique.


Time Flies
Wow there's only 1.5 weeks left till I go home.. I want Chinese food so bad. I want to see Tania. I want to be able to walk from room to room. I want to sleep in my nice cozy bed. I want to see a horizon. I want to hear Chinese. I want to drive. I want a glimpse of the old life.


Summer Plans
Hm... I doubt we'll be traveling much this summer (darn darn.. next year, I'm gonna go to Japan.. a japanese girl in my class wants me to go with her this summer back to Sapporo and Tokyo where her family lives. That would be so cool). So I have been thinking of ways to fill my summer which is not two months anymore but THREE. hahaha.. yay... May 15 I am off.
-Get a job or an internship or both (Bill Blass? Ralph Lauren? Some environmental designer?) for 1.5 months
-Prep my apartment.. yay...
-Learn how to cook: a must for next year. :P How to make a huge wok of fried rice and there's my lunch for the whole week.. hahaha
-Perhaps take a few sewing classes
-Do some art.. that's a given.
-Party with friends
-Get my full licence.. er.. yes..
-Perhaps get a job in Toronto: if I can get a job here, I am invincible! Can I work at Holt Renfrew? Nah.. stuck up. snobby old women on Botox and collagen. ;)
-Oh right... wisdom teeth....
-Great, I'm blind for two weeks because I need to readjust my left lens.. :( Then I guess I can't work.. boo urns. Don't want to wear glasses.

Masculinity

Why is it that the more we know about things, the more dissatisfied we become?

A slice of orange reminds me of chapped lips. When you peel and seperate two pieces from one another, observe the white translucent skin.

We had the luxury of drawing both male and female nude models on Monday posing next to each other. I was able to examine the extreme differences between the waif woman to this man who was extremely muscular on top (with softer torso). However I'm so used to adding very soft subtle shadows to a woman's body that I neglected to make harder shadows on the man's body so when we switched on the light, I realized for next class, I have to add contrasting darks and lights to all his muscles. It was fun drawing this guy- you could see every little muscle in his neck and shoulders.

Voice automated services piss me off. I want to pay my cell phone bill so get me a real person to talk to.

I thought this quote was quite interesting- one that I found while trying to learn about the history and evolution of the qipao:

"A feminist theory of fashion today needs to position itself somewhere between…
celebration and repudiation – or in an oscillation between them.”

The feminist must find a balance inbetween celebrating the woman's body yet not 'oversexualizing' it that it comes to the point of being a mere object for the man's eye. Yet bagginess in its attempt to free the woman from society's constraints of the ideal, can repress the uniqueness and beauty of the female anatomy thus almost promoting the superiority of men. Do I make any sense? It does in my head. :P

I was at the gym last night on the treadmill and a blind man comes, puts down his stick and gets on the machine. He started off walking and then began to run at 5.5 miles. I felt slightly sad because this is probably the only time he can really run freely (not really.. reminds me of a hamster on the wheel) without the fear of tripping over something. How precious our eyes are.

Last week my roomies and I were watching 'Real World: Key West' on MTV where seven strangers live in a house (basically like us roomies stuck in one room.. watch the drama!). There's this bulimic blonde girl who is the most self piteous thing I have ever heard. She keeps asking people how they can down pizza because "like I feel guilty for doing that and I can't do it.. I keep thinking about how fat I am and ugly.." -_-. She's tiny. She cried when a guy said she had a small chest (no jokes anatomically speaking)

Yay this Wednesday is the season finale of Project Runway.. the people in this roster were really talented and hysterically funny.

Today I spoke to my Estonian model friend. Recently she has been on a bumpy road: her very close friend who is also her sponsor for her visa (someone needed to verify that she would be a good American resident. Also has to earn at least $100,000/year) got into a snowmobile accident and died. Then last week she was in Jamaica doing a model photo shoot. While I was looking at her pictures on her laptop, her eyes welled up. It was so sudden- the death. Very sad. I told her about my Spring Break plans and that perhaps me and Bonnie will go to Miami next year like all the other American kids. :P Haha although she told me she kissed Leonardo Di Caprio on New Years at Miami because he said no one would give him a news year kiss. lol. funny.
Since Bonnie was sick at home and had no one to converse with, this gay guy, Jonathan, struck up conversation with me. We started talking about Foundation and how we're all ready to move on and dive into our majors. He asked Merily (interior design) and I what we were going into and I told him IDC for fashion and sustainability. He told me that it sounded really interesting and what I would do with those two majors. I said environmental fashion working with organic materials etc. He answered, 'we need more people like you.' That's so encouraging.
We then conversed about his internship at Ashleigh Verrier. I was like 'Oh you mean that Parsons graduate who just went to Olympus Fashion Week and interned with Proenza Schouler?'. He was so surprised that I knew because she's just a new designer, recent graduate from Parsons. :P. He enthusiastically told me about his internship and all the things he did and how he was referred to the job by Tim Gunn.

The most New Yorker thing I do here is make a stop at Murray's Bagels and order a plain bagel with cream cheese and a tea with milk. Yum. $3.

I read a few essays for tomorrow on how Action Man dolls have more joints- meant to bend and move and do things while the Barbie doll barely has any joints symbolizing her role as just a 'beauty' thing: something to look at and nothing else. Also, for Clinique which is usually associated with feminine products, they marketed the male products by saying 'Clinique: Skin Supplies for Men'. "'Skin supplies' suggests a physical and cmmercial world rather than one of narcissism and pleasure. 'Supplies' suggests an organised system of necessary feeding, even a health or life-giving activity." (The Gendered Object). I think that's really interesting- some psychology and analysis of how the masculine brain functions and reacts to and how people try to sell things to men by just the mere change in language and form.

One thing I have learned about the sexual orientation of guys: straight ones observe your body while gay ones critique your clothes. Both suck.

Now watching reality tv on mtv.. feels like my brain cells are depleting.

adfnakejra

This isn't going to make sense because I'm watching the Oscars and my thoughts are really messed up.
I just noticed that I'm more interested in knowing who wins Best Cinematography, Costume and Score than the Best Actress/Actor stuff.
George Clooney just said that actors address liberal issues before anyone else... when no one cared about AIDS.. we did! blah blah blah. Whatever. As if actors did much in that way.
Anyway I just got into the song 'At the Beginning' from Anastasia.
Some guy mooned us three times last night.. kind of annoying because roomies were screaming and flashing SOS signals across the building and I couldn't sleep.
Wonderful, my roomie ate my cupcake. I'm getting a tad annoyed because my food keeps disappearing.
I was walking to Chinatown this afternoon to have dim sum with my cousins and I felt comfortable.. perhaps it's because I feel as if I could identify in some way- I could understand what people were talking about as opposed to all the Koreans in my school. It's nice to see familiar Chinese things again. lol. But today was an absolutely beautiful day: sunny and mild.
Hm.. not much to say today.. I'm just getting sidetracked from the tv.
Jessica Alba looks lovely.

I hate Parsons

My internet is down as well as everyone elses except my roommate. ARGH.

Here and There

Last night was interesting. It started off with Liz telling me that this guy named Ames (who has hygiene issues.. not as much anymore.. wait I take it back.. he came in and stank up our room with his foot odour. I am so disgusted at the moment) had mentioned a couple of times that he found 'Sam intriguing'. I asked her why and my classmate who was working in my room said, 'probably because you're Asian'. lol. Then Allie and Liz started teasing me and telling me how I should hook up with him. I told them firstly he's not a clean person, secondly he's not a Christian.
Oh man, the place erupted.
What made the house shake even more was when I mentioned that I need to ask for permission to date until I'm 21 (I don't really care, it's not like I can't) and they were absolutely MORTIFIED. Lol.
Then it launched into this whole thing about religion and what is right and wrong. To them, smoking a little bit of pot is okay because it's not harming your body THAT much because EVERYTHING can kill you. Being a Christian means you try to stay upright but you know.. you can stumble a little here and there. I started telling them about the Christian perspective that if you were a Christian, you'd treat your body as God's temple. And bonnie interrupted me and said she was trying to avoid to say that (she and liz used to attend church till around 15).
They just can't believe that my mom set that rule and that he'd have to be a Christian.. which kind of confused me. They said they'd date a Christian- I was thinking, if he was, he wouldn't date you. lol.
Anyway so Bonnie came up to me when I was in bed and asked me why I hadn't tried to encourage her to go to church. It took me by surprise. For me, it's first about listening (she said she always felt guilty for not going to church and that she'd like to return back to the christian life.. she considers herself a Christian right now though actions may say otherwise). I asked her why she goes to church sometimes and she said to worship god. She told me she always feels guilty but she can't seem to get enough willpower to change her entire lifestyle.. such as her excessive amount of swearing... you know how when you know you can't do something, you want to do it even more. I guess that's what she meant. Anyway, there are different ways of evangelizing yes? She has told me before that she used to go to church and stuff and I didn't say anything (could be partially fear but I dislike just asking someone right away without really knowing them and their situation). She told me she hated Korean churches and the congregation because they were proud. So I told her she was welcome to join me if she wanted to at my white church. lol. She did tell me that I was so far one of the best examples of a Christian that she has encountered. I told her she hasn't known me for long.. but still. How nice.
Anyway her classmate, also in the room, who is actually from Toronto (lives on Yonge and Lawrence... no idea if that's a nice area but he said it was near Bridle Path which is like the humungo houses.. his dad is a prof at York University for American History. Apparently he's really rich.. he went to Upper Canada College) said he didn't mind people who were religious because if it gave them self confidence and a purpose.. sure. But he doesn't believe in anything himself though he was born 'Jewish'.
Anyway, Veronica and I finished our book (a comparison of Deng vs Chavez and the Tiananmen Square Massacre and the Massacre in 2000 something... in Venezuela) and today we had the critique.. Michael kept saying that he didn't like how we included a 400 word bio of the presidents because it turned him off and was too wordy... and I couldn't resist saying something against him. Look, the covers which had the flags of both countries as well as this neat accordian type image of both the presidents and a photograph of the event was visually 'stimulating' enough that I thought that we could balance it out with a bio. The characters are so complex and deep that it's hard to show you how they developed and became president and what lead them to take such drastic measures. We already sifted through a lot of information and cut the bios down a lot. We have so many images there yet they cannot go as deep as words can. That's what I said to the teacher (less she is influenced by Michael and his crit). What I also would have liked to say was, stop being so lazy and read. I realized right then, that many people, especially visual artists, are so used to looking and critiquing images, that we've become too lazy to read. Just serve up the info with pictures so all we need to do is glance. But reading takes a lot more work. There is the actual looking at the words, which then need to register which then need to make some connection to what was said prior and after. Plus you have to remember it all. Art, however, is there in one big image, and read in a different way. Also, we presented our information like a book hence there has to be some text. She said it has to appeal to a wide audience so arguably speaking, we have both visual and text stimulants for those art nerds out there as well as some for bookworms. Hey, I just noticed that artists like to do this: make everything out of visuals until they get really lazy or have no clue what to do, and to solve this problem just insert a word to represent a visual they can't describe with images. Very bad.
I got pissed off at one of the pieces because it was poorly done. It just started with images of poor children in third world countries and there were people's opinions on why they thought they were poor. I was one of them, and when she asked me why I thought I was poor, I answered 'but I'm not poor.' She told me to make it up. -_-. So I did. Right on the spot. I said something really stupid,
"Oh you know how we go to Parsons which is a fashion school so many of the kids here can afford to buy expensive purses such as Louis Vuitton and Gucci... well I can't and all I can get is a Coach purse. My parents are not willing to pay for a designer label. Coach is a semi luxury brand."
Lol. As long as you know I didn't mean it..... then everything is fine. Well we didn't do the critique today but if I were to say something about their art, I would have torn it apart. Why? Firstly, it just started off with a slideshow of pictures and there was no intro to tell you what their concept was; so if you had just seen this for the first time, you would have been really confused as to what was happening. They never even prompted the viewer with the question. Their concept was that Parsons kids think they're poor and they wanted to promote awareness that we are not actually poor but there are people in third world countries who are doing far worse than us who don't have the basic human needs.. while we worry about not having that fashionable pair of Chanel glasses. Which I think is absolutely ludicrous because no one thinks they are poor at this school, they just desire what other people have already. If you can afford to pay $42 k to come here PLUS art supply expenses, then you are definitely not poor. So that was their presentation... It was so contrived and artificial.. it was an exaggeration and untrue piece of 'documentation'. Of course I won't say this next week at the critique but that's what I truly think.
Anyway. I am done ranting about that piece. Next... Korean makeup shops. As I said before (I think.. I never remember what i write in here and I've probably said these things several times already). I went with bonnie to NYU to drop some roses and Gone with the Wind dvd to her good friend.. we then proceeded to find that Face Shop again.. it was extremely windy and cold. Well we found it and my cheeks were bee stung red. I was looking for a toner and this annoying saleslady kept asking me if I wanted to know what skin type I had (as if she was some kind of guru) and when she asked me if I had used toner before in my skincare regimen, I answered no. And you know what she said? She said "Oh I can tell...." as she trailed off. I was very angry because you can't tell when one uses toner. She just said it to play up my insecurity (well I bought it anyway because I was planning on getting it there anyway). Pissed me off anyway. Salespeople at Korean shops are told to say things like that and to hound you so that you feel the pressure to buy something.
Dum dum dum... trying to find some good calligraphy to copy for my digital design. This is fun.
Parsons is so smart.. they make you pay $42 k and then force you to self teach yourself... such as 3d.. for us it's all trial and error and the teacher simply 'guides' you. -_-. We basically learn how to observe and make things work ourselves. Very cunning.
Omg, in lab, we're allowed to do TRADITIONAL PAINTING for our final project! you dont know how ecstatic our class was to be able to do some normal art rather than design work.. it was really sad actually because we were jumping and shouting in class.. Yay! No more solid shapes and hue circles and colour charts.. we get to PAINT! lol.

Is it Possible to Stay the Same?

They say that hardly anyone goes into what they initially wanted to major in. That kind of saddens me because I have no idea how I'd be able to incorporate social issues into anything else that I am interested in other than what I am going into next year. There was a panel of designers who came in last week for a discussion at our laboratory class and one of them said that if you stayed in the same profession/major/career: you're crazy. So it's more than likely that I'll end up somewhere else other than what I want to be right now. I've noticed that those who are successful either 1) know exactly what they want and stick with it. However this option requires extreme passion and diligence 2) dabble in a bit of everything until they find their niche which is where the majority are at.
Blah.. I mean what can I do with a photography career and still help with the environment. I guess www.organicportraits.org is an example of one company that incorporates fashion and environmentalism as well as photography to promote awareness but that's a very small niche.
I wish I was driven to do something despite lack of talent/experience and shortcomings.

I got an 'A' on my violin production consumption analysis which ended up 8 pages double spaced... I could have written ten but thought I might get penalized since 7 was the max. I haven't gotten anything below an A- in this class and I don't know whether or not it's because I'm actually talented or if he just likes me because I always send him outlines and drafts.. I don't want to get my head bloated with all these compliments.. whenever I send him a draft, he gives really nice compliments along with suggestions and I end up cutting out only the suggestions and deleting the nice stuff to keep myself from getting too egoistic.

Today I survived through the day just with a cup of tea. I had one massive cup of English Breakfast with cream and four packets of sugar and was so full that I skipped lunch. Except I got really hungry after going to the gym. I've noticed that you can burn more calories just by walking at an angle than running..hm.... 375.4 calories in 35 mins. Not bad.. that's like an equivalent to Pop Tarts (after I found out those things are roughly 400 calories, I immediately stopped eating them). I saw one of my classmates at the gym too and she's been going there every single day since saturday: she has to burn 750 calories until she can leave. Yikes. I have no such endurance or diligence. I figured that if I go at least for half an hour (my usual workout) I'd be able to handle it and still regularly attend the gym than overkill it. The other Samantha in my class is a gym addict: goes twice a day and counts every calorie she eats. I've noticed that if you're thin, you're thin. If you're fat.. well then.. too bad for you, sucky genes. HAHAHA. Unless you work really hard. :P
In Digital Design, we're taking a Crash Course in photoshop.. I can't keep up..... we have to make two photographs: one real life (mixing and cutting images to make it seem like it was taken naturally) and the other surreal.. we can be as crazy as we want to be providing we take the pictures. Since I really want to learn chinese calligraphy (another short term whim of mine that will last for a week or two), I plan on trying to find something to copy and taking photographs of different parts of the body and photoshopping the words so that they appear to be painted on the skin. As for the surreal, I was going to photoshop little people drowning in a cup of tea from that place I went to this past weekend. Lol. Excellent.

I've noticed how much I write.. I write my essays and then I have this blog.