I'm back from Seoul Fashion Week.

I honestly thought I'd see him again. I hadn't seen him for two years and I thought perhaps God orchestrated this so we could finally meet again. Well, he had to shoot a scene on an island so he couldn't be in Seoul when I was in town. But it was nice- we talked for an hour on the phone. God has very much blessed us both in our careers, I can see that. He's a K-drama star in the making and I a front row sitting fashion analyst. In some ways I think I've grown- I've realized that if God really wanted us to be together, we would. But we're not so I'm not really fretting about it. It's odd, in the past I would have sighed and wondered if Serendipity hit closer to home than just on silver screen then I'd grumble about timing and how nothing goes the way it should.Honestly I thought when I told him that I liked him (yes everyone tells me I have balls.. which is quite uncharacteristic of me seeing that I hardly open up to anyone) that I was letting go of that hope but strangely enough the hope is still there.

But this time around, I felt peace and I felt like... it didn't matter if we didn't see each other because... God's God. He knows what He's doing. I'll just go and do my thing in Seoul which is to report on fashion.

Seoul was wonderful with or without a boy. It was cool and windy and sunny... perfect for the fashion nerd who thinks the more layers, the better.

I knew no one at Seoul Fashion Week which turned out to be pretty darn awkward since there was a lot of waiting involved. I waited by myself, sat and ate by myself like the loser back at the high school cafeteria. Thank God, He delivered me a really good interpreter. Out of 70 interpreters there, only 10 were actually qualified. The one who managed me in the beginning turned out to be a professional interpreter for rock stars that came to visit Korea. He was kinda cute and had a rich deep voice.

I got an all access press pass. That means I had the rights to go backstage, sit in most seats and wander wherever I want to. I was also allowed into the runways first to get my seat before the VIPs. I sat front row a few times and other times, got second row. I was offered Pellegrino mineral water at many of the shows- being the cheap person I normally am (the one who drinks tap water), I couldn't resist and packed all the water into my bag... which turned out to be a stupid idea because my shoulders were aching from hauling glass bottles around with me all day long.

I sat behind Kim Hyun Joong in one show and sat across from another F4 dude front row. I saw T-ARA and a girl from f(x). But seriously I was enthralled to meet a big time editor at an online fashion magazine. We talked about Seoul's potential to make it as a fashion capital amongst cities like Milan, Paris, New York and London. I asked him since he's a fashion week veteran which shows gave him a sense of the Korean fashion identity and how this could be shaped for the future. It was just.... one of those things I've always wanted to do. Ask intelligent questions that require great insight into a supposedly 'shallow' industry and have someone really take me seriously and give me their opinion about it. We could toss around designer names and know exactly what aesthetic he/she delivered. It was seriously one of those moments I wish I could hang on my wall.

Another one of those moments was when my interpreter lead me to my seat at a menswear show. I saw my full name on a front seat with a gift and the designer's booklet. A little part of me said, "this is it. It's not exactly NY Fashion Week but regardless you're sitting front row along with international editors and buyers!"

Random note: there was a gorgeous interpreter at Seoul Fashion Week. He looked like a Korean celebrity... but he translated Korean to French. How awesome is that.

I can't help but feel happy that people can't tell what race I am. The air hostess thought I was Korean and didn't give me a customs form while another one of my interpreters thought I was from Singapore while the waitress in Macau thought I was Korean or Japanese. It's not a pride thing, but if I haven't been pinned down for so long, why get pegged down by a culture/race now?

Interpreters like to talk especially when it comes to talking about their clients. One of them said that they were surprised to see that I was sweet and attractive. That made my day.

I bumped into my worship team pastor at the boarding gate back to Hong Kong. Small world.

I'm content. I'm doing what I love, I'm traveling and getting free asia miles points (for more traveling), I'm taking photos (I got to leave the office early to cover a store opening!) and I've been able to meet some cool people along the way.

I am now off to China for five days. Whoohoo... I love traveling.

Lord of All Creation

A city who is against itself will never expand beyond its fortressed walls, a person who is engaged in civil war never fully matures and finds freedom.

A compilation of some of my favourite landscape photos to date. It kinda sums up daily life- the various places I've been taking my camera, namely LA and Macau to a record of my own explorations in culinary and drawing on the computer (my Mac is so pretty...) to shreds of style.

I'm not sure what to do with my gifts right now. For the past while I've just wanted to dissolve into the background and not be noticed and just do my own thing. But listing them out: writing, graphic/fine arts/drawing, styling, photography all require being loud.

When will the walls of Jericho come down?

A few things I realized the past couple weeks:

1. These people you find hindering, don't really matter. Therefore I should just do what I want without thinking of their influence on me. I kinda realized who my friends were- the ones who were willing to say "hey I see you're a little messed up, I want to help you."
2. Listened to the Sunday sermon online about being in the desert. God leads many of the great Bible characters into the desert for a reason- Moses, Joseph, Jesus all walked through a desert. Come to think of it, all Bible characters wandered through a something. Abraham was called to the promise land, David wandered with his band of brothers prior to kingship and all the apostles wandered from one place to the next with nothing on them. The desert precedes the promotion and forces us to realize our limitations. At SG, I asked for them to pray for me. One of the questions that came up was: did you put yourself in the desert or did God do it? I realized that it was God who put me in the desert but not to wallow in it which I have done. I'm literally sitting on the sand making angels with my limbs and wearing a pom pom wool hat on my head and shearling boots. I realized while walking home last night that if I wanted to get to the mountain of God, I'd have to get up and keep walking. For if God called me to walk in the desert, I would have to keep going or pay the price of sitting.
3. Macau was lovely. I felt like I was in America. We stayed at the Hard Rock and I caught up on all my American news on Fox tv. We sat front row at the show and got soaking wet. A couple of guys told each other I looked like Lady Gaga but in neutral tones- I was in earshot and whirled around to tell them I understood english but alas they were fiddling on their Iphones. Saw them later at the Grand Hyatt cafe and talked loudly in English. Was wearing a taupe chiffon top (yes it wasn't nude tones it was a brown hue) with six inch platform wedges.
4. I realized that in my pursuit to restore myself spiritually through my passions and talents, I cannot do things to prove myself to the people of my past. The trap that I in most danger of falling into is trying to find success in order to show my past that yes Sam can do this and can do this alone despite the lack of support from her Christian peers.
5. Having said that I am pleased to announce that...

I am going to Seoul Fashion Week next Thursday to cover emerging Korean designers for a report that will be featured on our site for two weeks in November as a part of a promotion I'm heading. I pitched the idea a few months ago and then pitched the idea of using SFW as a pivotal point of interest to capture a new consumer, the CEO liked it and now I'm going. I've set the direction for the products that we will be featuring and will style and shoot them for the spread.

I feel like God is telling me to screw what Christians think because it's quite obvious that this is the industry I'm supposed to be in because He placed me in there and has blessed me continuously in my first job. Whoohoo I have a long list of things to write under my first job in my resume.

As a friend said, "art is not meant to answer questions. it’s meant to demonstrate possibilities”