SLR

Hm so I was talking to my mom on the phone last night and she said she and my dad were discussing gift ideas for their favourite daughter (yes and only one.. hence I'm their favourite. hehe). So my dad suddenly declared my camera wasn't very good (wow he saw the light! Finally after arguing for a year he finally sees) and suggests him and my mom buy me a Nikon SLR (yes the one my dad has). Because they hadn't gotten me a birthday gift, they were going to compile them together to get me this one. So my mom says "Would $300 be enough?" thinking that that was quite pricey. My dad says, "I was thinking about $1000 US."


Yeah my mom had a minor heart attack.

And I just laughed with glee.


Nonetheless they told me to go to the huge camera store here in NY to see how much they'd be but I said I'd hold off for now. My mom says I can compile them all together if nothing strikes me. There's nothing that I ever really want- or if I do, they're all useless, pretty and over expensive items. Thus I never have a wishlist because if I did I'm sure I'd be pegged as Becky #2 from the Shopaholic series.

Speaking about useless, my mom is getting a Nintendo Wii for Christmas from my dad. Why? Because she wants to play it with her sister, Auntie Annie and make Chris and my little 10 year old cousin, Jon to watch them because the X Box 360 is situated. Now you know why I'm so evil. Muahha. I also left a coat back at home and she tried it on the other day and has stolen it from me... Evil mother.

So I got my itinerary for Kosovo today. We're each staying at an individual family... WEIRD. I'm staying with a journalist and her husband and baby son. This is going to be awkward. lol.
Well we're only there for four full days- some days to visit the workshops, others to talk to the interior and architecture students at their local university and have dinner with the host families. I'm getting a little more excited now. :) Apparently 10c to -8c is cold according to the other three girls who are going with me.

My roomie wants me to model for Fusion. My self esteem is not ready to be taken a blow to and having to walk down a long path to be judged by people... no thanks. I'd rather be in the audience judging people. HAHA.

Happy happy.. talked to people today. Useless post.

Arts and Crafts

The results of a lot of procrastination... what does a Sam and a Robyn do during our first break? MAKE CARDS (me) AND PLUSHIES (rob) FOR CHRISTMAS! Did I mention also a gingerbread house?




From left to right: gingerbread plushie by Robyn and card by me, plushies that Robyn made, gingerbread house part 1 of gift from Robyn to me.

So what is there to say? We were retarded and stayed up till 4am on Saturday and severely regretted it the following morning.
Christmas is 'upon us'- Union Square has been transformed into a bonafide holiday market (of course to be politically correct except all the vendors blatantly sell Christmas tchotchkes) and we're all scrambling to pull together a few gifts to sum up how we feel about people within the past year.
Regrettably since I cannot buy everyone gifts this year due to lack of time and thinking capacity, I've been trying to make cards from fabric, cotton balls, paint and bristol board. So far they've been quite successful (pictures later) except they're extremely feminine and handcraft-esque. They've each taken about half an hour to one and a half hours to make. Hopefully I'll speed up because I've only made seven and there are so many people I'd love to give one. However I don't think everyone really appreciates the energy spent into a card- it seems to blowover on some people.
And yet I dislike buying presents (unless I have an idea which is considered a 'contribution'. haha) because I'm basically spending money that's not my own. There's not that sense of pride and thought. So now I'm buying some $6 tees and personalizing them.
Ironically I first stated that buying presents takes time and thinking capacity yet I think making them is worse. At least I feel better about giving them away. Haha.

I dislike it when they start playing Christmas love songs (save a few like those on Elf.. haha). Today Robyn and I also went back to Forever21 and while Robyn was trying stuff on for Christmas dinner, Britney Spears and other 'Christmas songs' started blaring on their speakers. As if we don't get it enough the rest of the year, they have to push it during the holiday season.

Okay I blabbered enough. Sleepy.
Thanksgiving break is officially over. :( Back to school.
FOUR MORE WEEKS!

Thanksgiving: Dashed Dreams, Hurt and Resentment

Romance is the deepest thing in life. It is deeper even than reality.
-GK Chesterton

I started reading Captivating again for some research. It was under Chapter 7.


Robyn (left) and Bonnie (right) entering the cathedral. Look at how grand it is.

I've always believed that dreaming takes you far from the littlest to the biggest of hopes. And yet yesterday, Thanksgiving Day, was one of many disappointments. Sometimes you hope too much, you want everything to go so perfectly because you dreamed it and hope that it would physically bloom into the ideal. For instance, for a girl, her wedding day is played over and over in her head as she dreams of the events that would hopefully take place in the future: the perfect day. Yet if I do by chance get married, I'm actually not really looking forward to the wedding ceremony etc because it's so much of a hassle and expectations get dashed. It's better to not expect anything just in case your heart is broken.
As it was my first American Thanksgiving, the day before, Robyn, Bonnie and I visited the Cathedral of St John the Divine. It was very tall but not as grand or elegant as the ones I had visited in Europe but it was quite nice to do some exploring in this city I haven't had that much interest in. The reason why I said I wanted to 'feel holy' in going to the church was because back in the day, Gothic churches had high vaulted ceilings to make peasants and normal folk feel like they entered God's place. The one we went to was a Gothic revival- one that has predominantly Gothic elements yet incorporates other art movements into it too. For those who lived in dark, low ceiling homes, the church gave a breath of new life: a sanctuary where you could 'feel' God's presence via the architecture. Thus churches were extremely tall with stained glass windows depicting Biblical stories for the illiterate. I used to think that those who spent so much money on the church's appearance was superficial and hypocritical yet when you enter one of those amazing structures, you can't help but feel in awe. If art can be used as worship- can not God's temple be made beautiful like those in the past? Now I think differently- no longer is it ironic to build a lavish Notre Dame or St Peters for it is too an expression of worship. Come on, when you look at the ceilings of the Sistine Chapel, your first reaction is not "omg the Vatican spent so much money on this when they could have fed the hungry?" No! But you look up in awe at one man's vision and ability to paint such vast area with so much detail.
Anyway after that we stopped by a Hungarian pastry shop and gorged on cake (I didn't need dinner after that).

This picture reminds me of the entrance at the Notre Dame in Paris. I have a picture just like this in my scrapbook from when I went to Europe
Then we split up, Bonnie left something at the dentist and went to pick it up while Robyn and I went to H&M to buy gifts and other winter necessities and then proceeded to go to the Farmer's Market where I bought pear cider and pumpkin pie and Robyn with her dried flowers. I dashed to the library to get some books for an essay and then met up wtih Robyn and we both went Forever21 and AE and I purchased Angie and Sam's presents (to be mutilated later on) and then Food Emporium which was bursting with people buying last minute Thanksgiving groceries. We ended up splurging on two rotisserie chickens, root beer, premade salad, a large shrimp cocktail ring, cheese and crackers, iced tea, special gingerbread man ice cream and we also made some pasta on the day of. The day before I bought this apple raspberry crisp from the Farmer's market (very good). So Robyn slept over: we were planning to cut snowflakes out (Elf inspired), bake cookies, make Christmas cards/presents and watch movies and in the evening have six of us eating Thanksgiving Dinner. You know, all those romanticized 'cheesy' things people would do.
It did not start off as planned. We were going to make snowflakes from newspaper and string them all up in a huge bunch and yet when we started, my roommate Bonnie looks at Robyn's first attempt, snatches it from her, throws it down and says, "Ew that's not a snowflake. Snowflakes are meant to be different! You can make them at the same time. You're just like Sam, both of you make the ugliest snowflakes in the world. Didn't you ever learn back in elementary school?"
And when I heard that, the words just stung. She reminds me of a certain person from RHCBC who never really understood how hurtful she could be with her use of words. I just stared at her and left my side of the room and just stood in the kitchen, shaking with anger and hurt. I proceeded to then make breakfast and sit there while Bonnie taught Robyn how to make them. It's not even about artistic pride. It's not about making the perfect snowflake but the process and the enjoyment of the activity and making snowflakes that is fun. And it was just her condescending tone of voice that just ticked me off. Anyway, being an ENFP, I'm very non confrontational so I just got really quiet when Bonnie asked me in a matter of fact tone, "what's wrong" I said "nothing" and she says "Sam I know there's something wrong" and I locked myself in the bathroom. I just sat there for a while wondering why nothing was turning out like it should have and questioning myself whether it was wrong to have reacted in such a way. Should I just have sucked it up and asked her to show me how to make one then? Was I being too sensitive? I don't think so: I don't think anyone should be so rude as to tell me how bad my snowflake skills are. Anyhow I needed to cool down away from her so then I decided why not clean the bathroom. So I spent an hour locked in there cleaning the entire bathroom from floors to counters to around the bathtub to the dust covered crevices until my fingers turned into prunes. I'm turning into Bree from Desperate housewives: cleans to fill in emotional hurt. Anyway after that I felt a lot better. I then washed the entire kitchen.
At night people were supposed to arrive at 5:30 but the first person didn't come until 6ish so Robyn and I spent our time making plushies, cards and painting shirts. The last person arrived at 7pm. I was in the kitchen most of the time warming the chicken up and Robyn made the pasta. We served everyone and then watched Princess Diaries. I started washing everything up but the movie wasn't even over when three of them said they had to leave.
Personally I find it very rude when people come extremely late and leave super early when I've done so much in preparation to make them feel comfortable. I don't know. They didn't even stay for dessert but we persuaded them to try the pumpkin pie. They seemed to be in such a hurry to do other things with other people. Now I have a lot of food left. It didn't seem worth all the trouble to put together to invite people over to dinner.
Disappointments.
And Bonnie wonders why I am so cold in person- why I don't open up. Why I don't want to share this blog with her (she knows it exists). It is because she has such strong opinions that makes me not want to share things. She belittles me just in the way she speaks yet I doubt she has little idea that her choice of diction creates such a strong reaction from me. She loves to use the phrase "you have no idea" or "I can't believe you've never....". When I asked her to show me how to use a can opener she reacts with such disbelief and shock it makes me feel stupid. Yet when I asked Robyn yesterday, she simply showed me with one can and I did the other. I hardly ever ask Bonnie how to sew something in because she makes me feel stupid. And yet when she needs an idea, I come readily available. She thinks it's so shocking that I never really needed use a can opener yet she leaves her bowl of milk in the sink to curdle for three days until it starts to congeal. I end up doing all the dishes for her. She never knew that leaving the shower curtain together would create milddew yet I don't make it sound like a catastrophe. And even when I want to try mixing and matching different garments on, I will do it when she has left for class because I really don't need her critical comments. Sometimes I just want to wear canary yellow with an equally vibrant cerulean blue. I don't know why, but I tried that last year and as soon as she saw me, the first thing she says was "omg, you are not leaving the house like that." I may look like a parrot but who cares.
I'm just tired of cleaning up for people. Yesterday a lot of my day was filled with cleaning up the constant mess people just left in the sink, the bathroom and the floors of our living space.
Serving people and hosting parties can be so tiring. You end up doing work and not enjoying yourself. I guess that's why on my list of things to do in the future, I'd love to spend a lot of money hosting a party where other people do the decorating and catering. As much as I love doing all those things, it'll be nice for a change.
Listening to 'Kyrie for the Magdalene' from the Da vinci code soundtrack. It's hauntingly beautiful.

Things to Do Before I Die

This was written after reading Tania's post on the long list of things she wants to do before she dies. Well now, I guess you can cross out #35, Tania: To inspire someone. Haha.

1) To fall in love (in a Biblical sense... you know what I mean: not fickle)
2) To enjoy what I do (because my future looks bleak right now. haha)
3) To own a library
4) To own a huge closet/boudoir (sorry I cannot deny my shallow self)
5) Host a party where I don't have to do the work (which requires me getting rich first)
6) To do the splits (not happening)
7) To fence
8) To play the cello/harp/guitar
9) OH YES: to speak Cantonese/Mandarin, French, Japanese fluently (this should fall in my top three)
10) To get laser eye surgery (hopefully by then they'll have developed something less scary)
11) To travel first class
12) To go to Maldives, Venice, Versailles, Vienna, China, Japan
13) Play something on the violin that was so beautiful it touched someone (ha!)
14) To go to New York Fashion Week
15) To strike up conversation with someone famous (iono who)

Hm it seems like there aren't many things I really want to do in the future. This is worrisome. The list gets more ludicrous as it progresses.

The Unraveling of a College Student (like everyone else)

I have tried resisting from blogging but if I hold it any longer- despite the actual topic and depth the entries, I'm going to bust.
As Thanksgiving draws near this Thursday, I can't help feeling very broken, tired and depressed. Everyone around seems to start to unravel from the stress of school. I'm trying to juggle three projects due the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday after my 'holiday'. The problem is that this year they gave me this 'holiday' but expect me to work during the extra three days yet assign a final project as soon as we hand those in and accuses us that we should be 'well rested' because we had the Thanksgiving. And this is my first holiday since summer. Yom Kippur does not count.
And Bonnie is depressed and so is her own best friend. And with everyone being depressed, it just weighs me down. I spent three hours on each sleeve of my garment, hand sewing everything and now I'm just tired. I did realize one thing however, I am motivated to work when I listen to rap music. HAHA. I think it's really funny but today I was listening to Mike Shinoda's 'Remember the Name' and it just made me sew quicker. Something about the pace and the repetition in melody and beat- or perhaps it was just the lyrics. However rap music really slows me down when I have to do essay projects- last night I wrote a 4-5 page essay on Rococo fashion and how it relates to Hamlet and rap music just weighed me down. I needed lyrical music which had a nice flow to it to keep the stream of thoughts coming out. Really funny.
The following week I will be going to Kosovo- a seven hour flight that requires a layover in beautiful Vienna for ANOTHER seven hours. Just thinking of the flight is making me really tired. Our teacher, however, said we may be able to take a whirlwind tour of the area before we fly to Pristina, Kosovo. I really really want to see Vienna- apparently famous for its natural beauty. I'd love that. Yet after that, I have one exam, a take home exam essay, a history of dress exam and another garment project to do. Suicidal thoughts have actually crossed my mind- I'm not joking yet I'm not over the edge enough to execute them (nothing to worry about). Plus I still believe that I have so much to live and give. I'm just overwhelmed by the amount of work I have and the limited time for relaxation. I feel like whenever I am relaxing or watching tv, a voice inside of me tells me that I shoudl be working and not wasting time. And now I'm just tired of Parsons: the most retarded school who doesn't give a darn about the welfare of its students yet steals the fruits of their labour to show it off and claim it their own.
However this week I've had to read Ecclesiastes while researching for a good concept for my garment project and it just made me feel better- a little less burdened.
But now I'm just sleepy. I think I may do a little less work tomorrow (well today now) and go to the cathedral with Bonnie and Robyn in the early afternoon and wander around Manhattan because I do want to get some Christmas shopping done and I'd love to see the gorgeous window displays and drool over them. I want to just sit in the cold cathedral and feel 'holy'. I want to feel a sense of peace in the tranquility of the gothic arches.
This time last year, I would have been home. :(
Cliche as it sounds, I can't help thinking of the lyrics: Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know.
Sigh, I don't know. At the end of the day, I am comforted because I know He is with me wherever I go, whatever I do. I know He is the one who whispers in my ear a concept or an idea for an essay. He is the one who gives me the strength to push myself despite the weariness of my body. He is the one who reminds me who I am living for. Like before, He has delivered me from all the hardships and frustrations of life. This is not something I say out of the duty of a good Christian but something that has been tried, tested and proven true. So I say this all with the utmost confidence and conviction that He really is in everything.
God give me strength when I feel like I can't carry on.

Clarification: The Problems of Blogging

Just to start off: I was with a few drunk/tipsy friends but I was not drunk. So if you read my earlier post and thought wrong of me, be assured that I did not cross any lines. I dislike alcohol, the taste of it, and the things it induces on people.

The problems with blogging, being a blogger and having a blog is that as I have stated before, that it is very much a one sided relationship where one gives and the other takes whenever he or she pleases.
I fully acknowledge the fact that if I choose to write my experiences, opinions and thoughts here, that it can be accessed by anyone to read. Fine.
Nevertheless this site that you see here 'www.anatomyofanartist.blogspot.com' is my own personal area where I am the only one (well besides the administrators) holds the password to this particular URL. You have yours, and I have mine. I admit to blog hopping a lot, and often get inspired or thinking by issues and random comments raised within people's entries so I write some kind of response to that.
Because this space is not really a blog of my daily activities rather, it is a place where my thoughts take form on a blank page, it would be much appreciated if those of you who do read my blog even though it may be once in a blue moon, to just respect it. I understand that people form opinions when reading people's blogs and I'm totally fine if you think I'm despicable, warped, critical creature who has nothing better to do but write in meaningless entry after entry or on the other hand, find me or my thoughts fascinating, interesting or thought provoking or neither of the above. But bear in mind, that though you see a white page of endless rows of writing, there is a person behind all that despite being faceless.
Call yourself 'anonymous' or whatever, I will just have to deal not knowing who you are, but as I have considered what to write here, so you should too. If a post invokes an opinion from you, great, because it's interesting to hear what others have to say than just me babbling away all the time. So go ahead and comment away, I may not catch it until two months later when I reread my archives, but please know that just a little respect will be appreciated. And if opinions are written, please know what you are saying, and don't read what you want to hear.
Thanks.

God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.
Eccl 3:11

I love the choice of diction in this profound statement: 'scope' and 'planted eternity' really give it that luster. Haha. Beautifully composed verse.

I really love choral music- it is hauntily beautiful. I think it's because it reminds me of my movie soundtrack music which I love because it's so dramatic and has that old church feel to it. Haha. Currently listening to a piece composed for Elizabeth 1's coronation: Spem inAlium by Tallis.

God works in odd ways. After watching Da Vinci Code, Bonnie and I went to search for more information on Mary Magdalene and she ended up reading Revelations and told me it scares her for judgment will come. We started talking about church (she stopped about 2003/4) and how we both found it extremely difficult to forge friendships. All of a sudden before I was to go to bed, she asked if she could follow me to church the following morning because she hadn't gone in a long time. So this morning, she came with me and surprisingly, she knew all the songs save one, while I only knew about half of them.
Something that was so anti Christian became an invitation to church.

The Da Vinci Code

So I watched the Da Vinci Code.
My take on it is that they revealed the antagonist too early in the film so the anti climax came too quickly. Also for those who had not read the book prior to watching the movie, would be terribly confused like Allie was. It wasn't really convincing all together the theories they put together because it was just information on top of information.
When I first read the book (I picked it up because I saw the words 'Da vinci' with a shred of Mona Lisa's face), which was before most people got into it, Dan Brown made it seem so real that I started questioning the validity of Christianity. At the time, people didn't think much of it as a topic of controversy since it still was growing in popularity. So I wrote to Brio magazine, a Christian girl publication to inquire about the claims that Dan Brown made. I also called up Auntie Jo and asked her about several things. Well Brio got back to me giving me some vague answer which probably meant they never even read or heard of the book.
Well as it hit the top ten list in the NY Times, books against The Da Vinci Code started pouring into stores such as Mitchells. I bought one of them and read it. It pretty much debunked the entire Jesus and Mary Magdalene theory.
That book was extremely well written though I must say. It's one of those rare books that immediately draws you in and spits you out at the end. And being an art student, I was able to picture all the paintings from the Mona Lisa to Madonna on the Rocks to The Last Supper in my head. Eleven people borrowed my book (and Steph still has it).
I also read 'Angels and Demons' the prequel to Da Vinci Code which had an excellent monologue/speech that a priest makes against science.

Anyway the menu soundtrack music is very good. I want to buy it. Yes I like menu soundtrack music. Bonnie and I were 'inspired' by the film to visit a cathedral here in New York and the only Gothic cathedral within Manhattan is waaaaaaaaaay uptown on 112th street also known as the Cathedral of St John the Divine. And Madeleine l'Engle, author of Wrinkle in Time, resides there. I wonder if I could see her. I want to go there while the choir boys sing.
So during Thanksgiving, we plan to go to the cathedral.

The Despairity of a Parsons Sophomore

When people ask, "Do you like Parsons?" I very much hesitate to answer.
As much as I'd like to say "yes I'm proud of my school and has lived up to its global standards and image" I have to say that it really has not. From glamorous models to successful designers to expensive clothes, there has always been the dirty side of fashion and its antithesis being anorexics, drug addicts and child labour.
As course registration starts tomorrow for all BFA students, I've begun to wonder why I'm here. I once dreamed that I would learn how to conceptualize garments. I once thought we'd learn how to sew. I once thought this school would be an explosion of new ideas and creative innovation. And yet I was disappointed by Foundation and the first semester of my sophomore year here. As much as I want to hope for the best in the following half of the year, I'm already dreading my expectations will be nothing but dust.
Which lead me to a bigger question when I was washing dishes: Will life be always like this? Will life be a mere shadow of all those fairy tale spun dreams that we once imagined? Will it always be a disappointment and always less than what we initially perceived it to be? Is everyone's life made up of unfulfilled dreams which eventually get locked away until forty years pass, and we look back at what could have been and what we did wrong?
I don't know. I currently think the mainstream Fashion program is too rigid yet the IDC one is just plain confused.
As much as I'd love to keep the dreams I've always been aspiring to, the mundanity and lack of organization in my program is dragging me down. I want to take everything yet I'm restricted to a few stupid courses.
The other day my body garment teacher told me I "think too much" and that I should just go ahead "and start doing 'stuff'" -_- I can't just start without having a clear concept of where I'm going.
On the other hand, for my China design essay, I started with hesitation, yet when I settled in after last night's drunken craziness (see post below), I really got into it and banged out 2+ pages within an hour or so. For me, learning about the cultural confusion and consumption in China interests me and work becomes fun. I was on this high until 4am and I spent all my excess time reading fashion business news and writing sporadic long emails to my mom about all the news I read.
Some of the greatest designers sought another way of being successful besides going through four years of school and earning a degree. The famous Donna Karan, whose lower priced line DKNY is popular among youth today, actually started at Parsons and failed the drapery class. She's our most successful dropout as of today. There are actually numerous college drop outs that became huge at Parsons. Another being Tia Cibani of Ports, a company that started in Canada and moved to China where it has become a household name- even more popular than Gucci. The designer is very much like I: she lived in Toronto, came to NY to attend Parsons and then dropped out soon after to move to China to build the company.
So now I'm just pretending it's just a phase; that soon enough I will enjoy my classes and have an unquenchable desire to learn more than what is required. I tell myself these classes are just like my violin lessons- that I'm just learning mundane scales which will help build a concerto in the future.

An Abnormal Evening of Drunk Insanity

Ah what a night it was. Something worth telling:
So as I mentioned last night, we went to this fashion panel. Pretty disappointing I must say because people started talking about their own personal success and were talking pretty standard issues about the balance between indian fashion and global influence. One designer even had the audacity to imply that normal people were 'fat' and that only rail thin models could be used. Haha. And the people behind us were like "you're fat!" under their breath.
Anyway so afterwards, there was this reception with champagne and wine and cheese and crackers. I sipped the champagne which was the most disgusting champagne I've ever tasted (not like I've had a wide selection) so I drank half of it. It was 9 by then and we hadn't eaten dinner so I was basically standing next to the food table and downing crackers. We ended up talking to this short Chinese guy- he was born in New York, lived in China for six years and then came back. We ended up talking about pollution in Shanghai and HK compared to NY. Lol. After he leaves Allie, my former roomie, tells me he is the executive director of the Asia Society where the event was taking place. Ah. Connections.
Anyway he asks us all out to dinner but then Allie didn't want to so though we said "sure" we left. Both Bonnie and I felt bad but Allie calls him and leaves a message on his phone to give him our apologies.
Okay so by now, Bonnie has had a record of four glasses of white wine and a flute of champagne. Allie has had four glasses of wine but she's been drinking the past several nights at all her events so she's accumulated a higher tolerance. We end up walking to Tao near all the upscale designer stores; it's this hip Japanese restaurant which was completely full. So we decided to go to this little Italian restaurant next door. Allie goes outside to smoke and after about ten minutes, Bonnie goes outside to see what happened to her. It's then I see she's talking to this big burly man. Allie comes back in and tells me this weird guy was harrassing her and saying he was this limo driver who could drive her in his limo for $10 per person. He then asks her if he could take a picture with her. Our waiter goes outside and Allie said she would if she could take a picture with the waiter. Apparently he starts holding her by the waist and being really touchy feely. So bonnie tries to erase the pictures by pretending to take another picture of this weird guy and Allie but is too drunk to operate the phone. She then tries to persuade him to delete the pictures because she didnt want this guy to have all these pictures of my old roomie on there.
I drag Bonnie back in before she does anything stupid or to provoke this burly Albanian. So as we eat, we see him wait outside. The waiter tells us to just leave and ignore him if he tried to do anything. We quickly catch a cab.
So by now, Allie has sobered up but Bonnie is still really drunk. Do you know hte New york city roads? We were on Park Avenue and trying to get to 7th Ave and 20th street to drop Allie off first before dropping us off at our Fifth Avenue apartment. It goes Park, 4th Ave, 5th Ave, 6th Ave and then 7th Ave etc. Dude, he goes to 9th Avenue and then starts making his way down. I only noticed when Allie mentions it. So I asked the driver,
"Excuse me why are we on 9th avenue when we said 7th ave"
He stutters and mumbles something.
So I say again,
"Excuse me why did we just make this gigantic loop to nowhere?"
Now I'm getting really pissed off because he basically thought all three of us were drunk since bonnie was talking loudly about nonsense. So I kept saying,
"excuse me, why did you go all the way to 9th avenue when you could have just gone down fifth ave"
He tells me,
"Oh because it's busy on Times Square and I wanted to avoid all the traffic."
Now wait a minute. Times Square is on 7th Ave. So technically he could have gone down Park or 4th or 5th or 6th Avenue yet he chose to go ALL the way to 9th Avenue. Obviously he was trying to take advantage of us by adding a couple of dollars to the bill thinking we were too drunk to notice. By now I'm really annoyed so I just start glaring at him through his rear mirror and talk loudly enough to know at least one person is sober. After he drops Allie home, he drops me and Bonnie off at our intersection. Usually the standard is to give 10% tip since there is an additional night tax of 50 cents added on top of your fare. I just didn't give him any tip. Now I'm just pissed because someone tried to take advantage of us.
The thing is is that because I'm female, I find there are some bodily disadvantages when it comes to having to assert myself. The other night, two drunk men were following us around whilst walking back home when I was with Robyn and her roomies and I wanted to tell them to go away but you honestly never know how they'd react. So the only thing I could do is to either look really pissed off or glare at the person like some psychological staring contest.
Anyway so now my roomie's in the bathroom over the toilet. I made her some tea. This was one crazy night. And it's only Wednesday.

The Discourse within the East and West// Christmas Fantasies

Sorry for the following entry; it's extremely uneloquent due to the fact that it's 2:30am and I'm quite tired:

Tomorrow I've been exempted from class so I can attend this fashion panel at the Asia Society uptown which is focusing on India and its global influence within fashion. I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but my former roomie is getting us in for free and of course, reserving us the best of the goodie bags (:P) which includes a $50 gift cert to Lord and Taylor, a free week at some yoga club, a free shirt/tank/long sleeve, gift cert/major discount to some jewelry store, tea, a magazine etc.

So I went into Barnes and Nobles today and began reminiscing as I perused the childrens book section (I was supposed to be looking at fashion history books but made a major detour). I ended up not getting any of the books I was intending to. Instead, I purchased a $7 Beauty and the Beast book for my roomie- one that I've had over the years, and Sleeping Beauty for myself because the illustrations were great. Haha. So much for that.
As the lights go up, the wreaths hung on the sills and the window displays revealed with the most intricate details and backdrops, one can't help getting suckered into what we believe to be the essence of 'Christmas'. Honestly, the first thing I think of when I hear 'Christmas' is the lights and all the romantic activities that are associated with the holiday. New York during Christmas just seems more romantic, inviting, warm and friendly as opposed to its normal cold self. I think of the Rockefeller Centre and the ginormous Christmas tree with Saks fifth ave just situated across with the most breathtaking displays of unaffordable clothes. And then I think of the smell of fir trees- that spicy, fresh breath of dying life. I can just stand in front of a tree and sniff all day. haha.
I'm thinking about Christmas presents: during my lecture on the body in pain and torture, I started to draft a list of people I wanted to give something to (the hardest people being Tania and my dad). In this consumer driven society that sells us fantasy and a longing for tradition (yes we all imagine the blazing fire with family all together unwrapping presents with a Christmas tree in the background), it's hard not to associate Christmas with family, presents, lights, decorations, food and just plain excess. New York becomes a winter wonderland.

Communism to Consumerism
So I'm writing my design paper on the selling of western ideals to the Chinese and basically I discovered that the chinese often associate the ideal lifestyle that of Western origin: the life of ease, luxury and fashion. Starbucks thrives there because it's associated with a laidback culture. When Armani added an entrance door of red lacquer to pay homage to its Chinese community, people hated it.
In a country that is desperate to shed its past of Mao who lead the people into destroying all the culture and art that it once held dear, people are now attempting to fill this void with the 'exoticism' of the West (funny isn't it that we find China being exotic although it's been around fo r quite a while).
What I find interesting is the vast differences between the two cultures that were an ocean apart. Not only are they situated on opposite sides of the world, the West reads left to right with a system of letters while the East reads top to bottom with its words made up of pictures and symbols. The western bride wears white and has a diamond ring slipped on her finger and eats a three tier wedding cake. The Chinese regardes white as a 'colour' of mourning so the bride dons a gold and red dress and receives a band of gold and jade and celebrates with peach-shaped buns. The typical Western menu is of three or four courses while the East has ten. The West eats with silver while the East dine with wood sticks. Our names are reversed. Businessmen shake hands in the West while many bow in the East. In art, Western paintings have much depth and awareness of extreme shadow and light while Asian art is very flat and one dimensional consisting of simple lines. While much of Western painting focuses on the artifice and the body, Asian art consists of the relation between the body and nature.
I noticed that my white roomie keeps her shoes on when we enter the apartment while my Asian roomie and I remove our shoes.
No wonder there is so much discourse within a culture that is so set on moving forward but has a long history that opposes what is considered 'new'.
You wanna know something I found hysterically funny? The West evolved from Rococo, Victorian and Baroque- a time of excess and over the top fashion, flamboyant wigs and huge dresses. Clutter, clutter, clutter: the bigger the better. Now we associate 'modern design' with minimalism- something Zen-like and often linked with Japanese design. Just look at the Ipod and its simplicity- clean lines, geometric shapes in black, white and silver. Look at modern architecture like the Modern art Museum. Modern in the Western sense, is minimal and clutter free.
On the flip side, Asian 'modern' design consists of a multitude of interfaces and images. Japanese consumers hated American mp3s because they were too simple and had little features on the product. Look at Lolita girls and culture. Overload of features and buttons is the selling point for Chinese consumers- the more difficult it is to use, the better because it implies a need for a more intelligent mind in order to operate the machine.
Hilarious how we've gone into complete reverse.

'Desire is promoted so as to be preserved.'
That totally sums up the role of advertising and trends.

Artist Block

And all you ever do, is change the old for new...

God is bigger than,
The air I breathe,
The world we'll leave.

God will save the day,
And all will say
My glorious.

-My Glorious, Delirious

A song I really like in worship. Remnant worship team is crazy talented. I always enjoy worshiping there.
I'm at a point of pure frustration. The past two days I've been exhaustively trying to think of a new idea for my body garment studio project. The topic is on Transformation: taking the garment off the body and translate it into something that of an interior space (ie a rug). Well you know I hate simplistic concepts so as I said yesterday, I started reading this essay on the body. I want to do a light so I made this little circle diagram:

Light--> Reveal/Conceal--> External manifestation of internal worth--> Materialistic culture/market saturation--> Emptiness/Unfulfilled longing/ "Desire is promoted so as to be preserved" --> Body and clothing relationship exists in a condition of perpetual wandering --> Light.

Yeah and that's as far as I got today. Frick I am so screwed because she wanted a lot of progress by Monday and my head's going to be on the chopping board tomorrow. I can't think of a good idea! So frustrated. I've drawn and written so many diagrams, I'm just exhausted and confused. God, I need an idea.....
I'm going to have mint chocolate ice cream. -_-

Pain Gives Way to Beauty: The Eyes

In the midst of watching Good Will Hunting today I wrote this in my sketchbook,
Pain gives way to beauty.
Something I learnt this past week examining the works of Frida Kahlo who I'm not very fond of but am interested in the meaning behind her work. Pain does give way to beauty. Beauty doesn't exist without pain. Frida would not have been the great artist she was if she had not experienced the physical pain of a near death experience which left her with spinal injury and the inability to give birth. Nor would she have gotten to her peak of her artistic career if she had not met her lover and realized he had betrayed her with her sister.
Pain gives way to beauty.
In the state of sadness, grief or despair, we portray the innate, most provocative qualities of the human spirit.

In order to get a new idea for my latest body/garment studio project, I decided to take a new approach into getting a good concept.
How?
By reading.
I went to the library and got a book called "Dressed to Impress" which talks about the controversy behind the hijab, religious idealogies within dress and revolt and anti-fashion seen within goths.
But it didn't do much. I came home and found an article I had to print for my HSC class on "Introduction: The Body in Philosophy and Theory". It was really interesting. The body is such a topic of debate because it is the meeting point between rhetorical, psychological, physiological and ideological issues. It is both an object represented and an organism that represents concepts and desires. In society today, the unclothed body is considered unfinished. But when clothed it is the external manifestation of internal worth.
Pretty neat eh. I really enjoyed that essay or chapter of book. Now to get some inspiration for a lighting project. :( I've been stuck all day.

I remember reading this book called 'The Autobiography of the Face' and it was about this girl who had a whole part of her chin missing along her jawline. It was very much like Frida Kahlo's story of fighting against bodily injuries through surgery. I forgot why she had it- perhaps because of cancer or she was born like that, but she had at least 30 surgeries to try to fill it in with grafts and bone to no avail. Rather than accepting it, she fought it.
Though I don't suffer with such a deformity, I've always been fighting against my eyes. I had glasses at a young age, around grade 3-4 when I guess, I had this huge appetite for books and perhaps that lead to its deterioration. So from gr 5 when I lived in Hong Kong, I started to wear these contact lenses called Ortho-k: orthokeratology. They basically act like retainers: you wear them at night and they pull your cornea back to its original shape so when you take them off in the morning, they're ideally 20/20. Well I never wore them at night because I was too afraid so I wore them during the day. When I got back to Toronto a new doctor told me it was not healthy to wear them during the day since they were designed for night time use. So after ten pairs of trying, I got my 'ideal' fit but then he told me to change to these enhanced ones in gr 11. From then on, I've had problems finding the right fit. I have been living with my left eye extremely blurry while my right was perfect or vice versa. This is Dr Chow who also does Roz's and Karen's lenses. Anyway he turned out to be pretty sketchy because he told my mom her eyes were deteriorating and when she got them checked out by another doctor, he said they were fine. So we moved to this other doctor called Dr Andrew who goes to RHCCC and is the chairman who overlooks the expansion project; he and my dad are friends since my dad oversees the engineering aspects of the project. Anyway so during the summer I had my lenses off for a month so I could start again. He said my previous lens was too strong and was touching the cornea of my eye- not good. Well after three pairs of lenses I got my fit. However it started to hurt my eyes- one night it was so painful I didn't sleep until 5am. He told me to change back to an old pair when I got back to New york. Well the past month or so I've had extreme pains when I take off my left lens. I have this hereditary 'disease' of extreme dry eye. The superficial cells come off, as I wrote earlier, which is okay unless I had high blood pressure or any other health issues that my dad has which could lead to cornea damage. So I've taken them off for the past week, putting cream into my eyes every three hours to help speed the healing process. So I've had glasses the past week. I hate glasses. I try to avoid allowing people to see me in glasses out of pure vanity because I look like an Asian nerd.
I guess in this aspect, it reminds me of this issue of having a body vs being a body. I view myself as having a body in glasses- something that is out of my being and something that I'm not part of and that which is not part of me. The Sam 'with glasses' is almost a separate entity from the me without.
Have you ever lashed out at someone late at night and said "sorry, I'm just tired." Our words betray us. By saying you are 'tired' is implying blame on the body which had its brief control over the mind.
Wow I just took my day lenses off and for the first time I didn't feel a spike of pain slivering through my left eye. It was the most wonderful feeling ever. I don't know how to describe it. With my ortho lenses, it would hurt so much that I could not even open my eye at times because it would start welling with tears.

Sam is Going to..... KOSOVO!// Viktor and Rolf// Fusion

Commuting to Kosovo



Hey kids, I'm going to Kosovo.

Yep I'm going across the Atlantic for the second time!

We got $5000 from Eileen Fisher, a clothing company and I guess the school decided to match that sum so I'm basically going for free with three other students (the others can't make it). FOR FREE! Whoohoo.

I did my pitch and presentation today to the business director of Women for Women Org and the chairman. They really liked my idea. I'm not here to invent the wheel but to develop existing ideas. Well I found a great niche for them to extend their line of aprons and soft goods within their home accessories line. We're supposed to target women from 30-45 year old. Anyway I ended up sewing four variations of garments by hand and various samples of ornamentation such as embroidery, applique and painting. It takes way too long to do by hand because I like my stitches all close together and resembling machine stitch. Anyway it was a great success thank God. I was really nervous before but I was pretty happy with the pop colours and the aesthetics of my slides which were pretty attractive if I do say so myself. :)
So after this presentation, we need to make an instructional manual for the women which will be Fed Exed to them next week. They'll follow our instructions and make the prototypes.

I'll be flying to Kosovo, stop over at Vienna (too bad we can't visit there. :() and then spending about five days touring the area, meeting the women at the workshops and having tutorials and sessions. We'll also be meeting other architecture and interior students from their national university. By then we'll also pick up the prototypes they made and bring it back here.

Wow this is basically like a missions trip but design oriented. It's so cool that it's part of a course that I'm taking! I think the greatest thing about going on this trip is that we'll be able to form a physical connection with these women. We can see who we are dealing with and the state that they are in and be able to learn more about their culture and environment. It's something you just can't learn in the classroom. By going, we'll be able to understand and hopefully improve our designs vastly from our experience.

So what happens to our designs is that they go through many reviews and the organization basically tries to market them in existing companies such as Kate Spade, Macys and ABC Carpet -mid to high end stores. The review process takes at least a year- we're just trying to help them re examine existing products or try to create new groups of products that could be sold within their catalog.

Anyway the pitfall of all this is that I need to do my homework really early and I cannot be sick at all because two absences, the third is an automatic FAIL. Yeah but I think this is a once in a lifetime thing and it'll be worth the stress- hopefully. :S

Funny thing, we had to write a list of questions to ask the people in Kosovo eg. do you have crochet skills and please tell me the size of your looms for creating cotton fabrics. One person asked "do you use metric or imperial measurements?"
When I read this in a mass email, I laughed out loud because the US is the only freaking country who doesn't want to change. The other day, a fellow classmate who is also going on the trip was looking up the weather temperatures there and asked what "-4 degrees" translated into. Ah ha. When we told her it was about 14 degrees fahrenheit, she was a little shocked. Go Canadians. Laugh at the Californians. :P

Viktor and Rolf for H&M
Insane. What can I say? When women shop, they are the most aggressive things you have ever seen. It's eyes on the prize, and they'll shove you over like rugby players. Nothing matters more than snatching up that shirt.
For those of you who don't know, H&M has been doing collaborations with high end designers such as Karl Lagerfeld of Chanel or Stella McCartney, and Viktor and Rolf are a design duo who emphasize more on conceptual design. Well their collection of affordable pieces came out at two stores here in Manhattan and I went to take a look after my two classes. Crazy. They rolled our a rack from the fitting rooms, and girls just swarmed it before the salespeople could put them back neatly on the permanent racks. Korean girls were buying heaps of blouses, snatching everything in sight. It was insane.

Fusion: Realizations of Creativity
At a fashion school, there's always a fashion competition. Seen 'Zoolander' and his 'walk off' against Owen Wilson? Well Parsons goes head to head with the other fashion school in Manhattan called the Fashion Institute of Tech (FIT) at the annual Fusion show which is a culmination of fifteen freshmen and sophmore students from each school. People try out by drawing a collection, a committee decides who is in and who is out and they create five looks.
They show three times, the first two just for show and fun the third time being the serious judging day where a guest panel comes in to decide who gets best designer: one from Parsons and one from FIT, and most of all, best school. The winning designers gets $1000 scholarship (except a lot of people end up spending $500 on their collection... sooo....). The panel is made up of well known designers and fashion journalists and people in the industry.
Well I saw it last year and it was pretty good- some of them. This year I egged Bonnie, my roomie, on to try out because she's been sewing since six. She's very good at the technical. She finally got the call last week and everyone has been congratulating her because apparently there were a lot of peopl who submitted drawings in. She's hesitant about it though because of the stress and cost factor. I've been trying to push her to do it ever since. I knew she'd get in. No doubt about it.
I, on the otherhand, am very good at the conceptual yet lack in the technical aspects considering I've only been sewing since the summer. Personally I think designing a collection of clothes should not stem from fashion history because if you take inspiration from the 'Flappers in the 1920's' you end up with something that has already been done. Great designers are those who can look beyond what has been set in history and can create garments that come from other sources. That's originality. We've all seen the typical Grecian dress.
What I like to do is finding objects or ideas that aren't necessarily tied in with garments, and translate them onto the body. I ended up suggesting the following:

-broken umbrellas (er inspired by the insane weather here and seeing twisted umbrellas strewn all over the pavement. They have interesting forms and structures that could be examined)
-Kamikaze Girls.
-Onions (if you could do some peeling effect and show different layers, that would be really cool)
-Gothic elements fused with sugary confections

I know, they're random. You can laugh. But I've never seen anyone translate an ordinary onion to a garment. It doesn't have to be taken literally. You can dissect the onion and use elements of its characteristics within the clothing such as this idea of peeling and layers. I suggested these in the first place because I knew Bonnie was good at creating things that pouffed- the 50's silhouette. Anyway, she ended up taking the Kamikaze Girls one although I would have really liked it if she explored the forms of broken umbrellas. The prison wife dress I was modelling for her in the photograph from a previous entry was also an idea of mine.
Another friend, Tanya, who is in the fashion program at Ryerson, also msged me about
Which leaves me thinking, perhaps I should become a creative director. Boss people around and spew out ideas while someone else makes them tangible. I like it. Haha.

I think I've blogged enough for today. I have an exam tomorrow. :S

Second Semester Thoughts

Oh lovely, my Tuesdays starting second semester are going to be hell.
Correction, they're going to be just like my freshmen year of first semester.
I have class from 9-6. Straight. :(
They're all mandatory classes and there's only one of each.
So this is what I'm taking so far:
Body garment studio
Body garment seminar
Ecomorph/ Cybermorph (ecology and how it ties in with computers. UGH)
Sustainable Design
Technology core: Invention (film course)
History of Design

So far I have Fridays off. But Tuesday is going to be hell. I can also choose an elective and I really am keen on taking a business so as not to get trampled on when I do try and start my own company if I ever do. I really wanted to take Ecotopian Design: Sustainability as Competitive Advantage. But alas it crashes with a class. I also wanted to take Special Topic in Small Business Enterprise but it clashes. So I'm thinking of taking a business and entrepreneurship or Ventures for Emerging Markets or Global Policies: Fashion.
I had a lot of fun looking through all my choices. Some classes made me laugh out loud because I can't picture any other school offering these:
-Love and Lust in Chinese Literature (I told my mom and she wasn't surprised at all)
-Evil in the 20th Century

And then we have classes that are so Parsons:
-Runway and PR
-Retail Buying
-Consumer Culture
-Visual Merchandising
-Fashion and Sociology
-Trend Forecasting

I've always been interested in retail and marketing but something inside of me finds that there is something terribly wrong with merely psyching a customer to buy a product for its image and not for the product itself. I'd rather focus on learning, creating and innovating rather than connivingly try to persuade someone to buy a product because it "looks good on the model".

Anyway, I have a very sketchy History of dress teacher. Apparently he's one of the hardest teachers and has studied in Paris and all that... but when he handed out a list of terms for us to follow and fill out during his lecture, I found so many spelling errors, it alarmed me. When I know and recognize many mistakes in his list, you know there's something wrong with this student-teacher thing. We're learning the 17th century fashion and furniture which involves a lot of French terms. He says the French word 'lit', which means 'bed' like "leet". He also spelt 'ermine' wrong and spelt it 'ernine'. Except he pronounces it with an M. He then spells 'fleur de lis' like 'feur de lis'. Or how about 'armoire a deux': he spells it 'armoire a duex'.
Yeah and those are only the ones I know about.
:S

Finding the Good in so much Evil

I often find myself questioning the state of this world.
What have we become?
The beautiful thing about Lord of the Rings is that it portrays people who despite their own selfish motives, wish for the good of this world to come through. As Sam said, how could we go on with so much evil in this world? Yet even this must pass and a new day will come.
If you've read the news lately, a pastor was found to have some relationship with a male prostitute who gave him meth once a month. The church of 15,000 people asked him to resign from his position. I also went to Robyn's place for lunch and we talked about how uni kids often change and get into the whole partying/drinking scene. People 'change' and decide that the uni life is a rite of passage to being independent which usually involves alcohol. We realized that many of our friends from school and softball have fallen into this temptation which comes through the responsibility of independency. Christians are far from perfect. So am I. I'm not speaking for a holier than thou position, but I feel disappointed that even those around me blatantly go out and get smashed while going to church on Sundays. Is it possible to live a live of purity? Is there any hope for a lost world?
The thing that draws us to movies like LOTR is that all the characters, despite having fallen or have little courage, rise up to the challenge and selflessly fight for what is true, beautiful and good. It is something that we all aspire to be but often fall short because we see the path to goodness is often the hardest to take. Lord the Rings deals with all the things we find fundamentally necessary to 'cope' with life: hope, purity, loyalty, joy, friendship, love, strong will, humility, peace and righteousness. Each character within the movie exemplifies these qualities in different ways yet we see the humanity within them and their struggle and temptations. We see the pain they go through be it the loss of a son, the temptations of power, an unloving father, the fear of facing battle
But the characters in LOTR had a clear objective: to destroy the ring. Our lives seem to differ in such way: we question and blur the lines of what is right and wrong and end up with a pool of grey areas. There is no tangible ring that needs to be destroyed nor some evil lidless eye tower that hovers over us every day reminding us that it must be destroyed. Reality is invisible- the most dangerous stumbling block for us because we are not physically reminded of its presence in our daily lives. Yet we must remind ourselves that our objective 1) Love God and mold ourselves to Him.
So do you go on with life, knowing these people are doing wrong and let them go? Or do you confront them? I feel like the Christians of today are blurring the moral lines and that we are acting no better than those who are atheists, Muslim, Buddhist etc. Is there any hope?
In the end, we must believe that those who have fallen will pick themselves up and use their experience to help others who are struggling with the same issue. We all believe that there is still some good in this world yet we all must persevere to find it.
Make me believe that there is still some good in this world and that it's worth fighting for.

Missions

Our church announced six places that they would be focusing on missions for summer of 2007.

-Kazakhstan
-Vietnam
-Peru
-Ohio (I know it's random- the only non country)
-Shanghai, China
-Japan

Yeah I had a mini freak out in my seat when I saw the last two except when Jessica told me they most likely send college kids to Peru because it's the hardest, I got a little annoyed. I know you should have the passion to spread the gospel to any field that you're placed in, but if I want to go on missions I have to say I'd only go if I was able to go to Asia. I know people say it's not about you or for selfish motivations to go, but does not God place a passion in certain people to minister in specific countries? I don't know.
So the forms are due in February which gives me plenty of time to think. It also requests for your top three picks so I could do those both and add another country (or state) in. I thought it would be just interesting for me to go to Shanghai so that I could see what the Christian church is doing over there considering it's only now beginning to ignite. And if I do go there for a semester, it would be nice to have established some relationships with a church there.
I'll have to pray about it.

I watched Return of the King again. I am the saddest person alive. It still touches me. The men are so great in the films. I wish I had the heart of Sam, the humility of Aragorn, the strength of Eowyn, the wisdom of Gandalf and the archery skills/good looks of Legolas.
I'd be superhuman.

I suddenly understood:

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again
I say amen and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear
You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"

All that I went through during the summer was encompassed right there. Often I had wondered why He hadn't given me the friends I wanted- why when I prayed for them since I moved to Hong Kong, that God had not delivered. I don't know why it just clicked. Sometimes it takes other means to trigger thoughts and understand.
This song is just a great comfort to me.
It helps me get through.

It's wonderful to have a friend to confide in- when you can open that shell and let them see the murkiness within you and feeling at total ease that judgement would not be bestowed upon you.
Uni life has not turned out like I imagined it to be.
Who knew it would be so lonely.

Two Towers Trailer

I'm going to have a heart attack.
The Two Towers trailer is amazing. Absolutely amazing with Requiem for a Dream soundtrack.
So I watched Return of the King yesterday and fell in love with LOTR all over again. After that I watched Sam's little speech about fighting for good and Gollums little fish song in Two Towers. But really, the theatrical trailer just gives me the chills.
LOTR is great.
I love you LOTR.
:)

We watch too many movies for our own good. Yesterday was ROTK, Willy Wonka (newest), HP4 and Kamikaze Girls. Today was Kamikaze Girls, and the Count of Monte Cristo (yet again). :P

Renovations of the Heart

I can see Will Hunting in myself- different aspects at least.
At times I feel like I've found the perfect friend and would like to keep it that way before I see any flaws. Yes, go through life without really knowing anyone.
My defense mechanisms don't come from physical abuse. They come from insecurities. When one doesn't work, another is put into action until they layer upon themselves creating a callous. From anger comes jealousy, then pain, then bitterness and lastly numbness.
My soul is so rotten. Like the flesh of an apple, it slowly turns from crisp white to a dull sienna.
When I realize how my heart is in shambles, I know I can't let anyone in until it's been renovated.
I see how ugly I've become and I know I can't have anyone in my life right now.
Especially a man, because if he did, he'd turn and run.
Sometimes it indeed seems easier to stay emotionally unattached to someone. It makes it easier to let go: to be free of them.
Yet this is the cause of my misery.
And emotional attachment is causing me pain as well.
Oh God, why is it so hard to conform to you.
As you wrote about trust.
I used to think that I trusted many people easily. Now I don't think that anymore.

The Calvinist Order [in fashion] ;)

Dear Susie
Why does Brio have to be so shallow? On one page, you publish an awesome article about faith changing lives, and on the next page you give make-up tips. And why is Brio so hung up on fashion? Aren’t there more meaningful articles to fill that space?
Ticked Off

I get this subscription of Brio, a Christian girl magazine, and the above was printed in the Inbox section. When I first read it, I got a little annoyed but forgot about it. For some reason it resurfaced the past week so I decided to write them an email to tell Ticked Off that if we're all a part of the 'body of Christ', then us designers should fall in there somewhere. It can also be seen as a sign of worship and a vehicle in the ministry. Though I commend her hunger for deep spiritual truth, we all have interests beyond the faith that need to be addressed also. I like Brio's mixture of both articles on homosexuality, Wicca, relativism, testimonies, Christian celebrity interview as well as having a monthly beauty/health page and a media section where people could write questions about the Christian view of a certain movie or music cd.

Want to know something interesting? In my History of Dress class the past Wednesday, my teacher talked about the Calvinist Order: a Protestant church rebelling against the Catholic traditions which was adverse to ornamentation and consisted of merchants. Also they established the Book of Common Prayer and believe in the need of collective action and charitable institutions. Elizabeth the first was the one who spear headed this belief and the Calvinists were the early settlers of America which is hinted at in their national anthem. This ideology was reflected in their stern only black garb with a huge white millstone ruff which basically looks like a huge wheel around your neck. This belief was a visual manifestation of cultural values in Calvinist principles. The clothes reflected this strict value system; a representation of the social control of body and its uniformity.

So I decided perhaps I should go wikipedia what Arminianism and Calvinism is because it's been popping up more than once and if it's even coming up in my fashion class, I think it's a sign.
Bet you didn't know that. Fashion and Calvinism. It makes me laugh.

Critiques are Brutal

Photo of Japanese maple back at home. Just so happened that there was perfect lighting to get these contrast shots.
I wish I was home to see the leaves turn colour.

Okay so we did this crit on 12 pieces of work including my pair of shoes. Omg, it was brutal. Absolutely brutal. It was 2 hours and 40 minutes long. Frick.
I know I sound prejudiced but at least in any other course at any other school, you take a test and you get it back. If you do bad, you can hide it.
Well this girl made a vinyl leather coat complete with lining and it was a social commentary on animal testing and the entire class- especially the teacher, ripped her piece apart. It looked so professional but they said the concept wasn't strong enough. And one by one, they basically criticized people's work because it didn't convey a clear meaning. Our teacher had the audacity to tell some people their craftsmanship wasn't good enough because they didn't test the fabrics before making the real thing. The thing is is that we only had five weeks including brainstorming and testing so that's really little time considering there are so many components and factors there are into making a garment. And she doesn't teach us construction and simply tells us to do some 'tests'. -_-.
Anyway when they got to my shoes, they were supposed to be able to 'guess' what the meaning was without me explaining it. And it ended up very confused and I had some people asking me if I thought men should have their feet bound. So I basically had to explain the entire thing and my teacher just had to critique me and ask if I should have added more Western symbols and imagery but luckily people said they liked how it was subtle.
I really dislike my teacher. But anyway, it was a successful piece and she wants to display it in the case outside along with Bonnie's and two classmates. So I guess that's good.

There's this small lump right in front of my ear and it hurts like a bruise. :S Please tell me it'll go away.

Beautiful Men.

Albert Mondego is so frickin hot (top right). But only in character with the curls and the Napoleanic costume. Men used to look so good- don't tell me they were never associated with the word 'beautiful'. I took my History Culture Society, and in fact men were the ones who were written and praised for their beauty. NOT women. Women's fashion evolved basically from copying men. It was menswear that cost a hefty sum and not women's. So ha. Through the entire movie, I was oggling over their shirts, fitted coats and gloves. Dude, I'd totally wear what chief magistrator, Villefort is in- the guy in the lower left image with the top hat.
So the other day Bonnie and I were watching the Count of Monte Cristo and the following wedding plan conversation came up:

B: For my wedding, I'm going to make my husband to wear a top hat and a tuxedo with tails for the event.
S: What if he doesn't want to wear it?
B: I'm going to make him.
S: I don't think I want the suit either- I want the fitted jacket and the high collar blouse.
B: That would be so sexy.
I burst out laughing and said,
Bonnie, I don't think we're ever going to marry.

So we decided that if the men of present refuse to do so, we shall do it ourselves. We're going to die alone as spinsters with beautiful clothes. How tragically romantic. But honestly, if all four of us last night agreed that the actors looked great in period costume, we must be on to something. :P They look so good.

Another Project Accomplished/ Crazy Movie Night

I was laughing at the ridiculous things we do at art school.
This is Bonnie's feminist commentary on the wife/bride as a prisoner to the home hence the striped old fashion 'prison uniform' and pillbox hat with tulle as the veil. The skirt is pouffed out like no other- my legs aren't touching any fabric- there's a crinoline (underskirt) and a hoop underneath to exaggerate the volume. I'm also wearing a blonde wig so I look less Asian. Yeah and my roomie has a pair of handcuffs. Don't ask. She also has a whip.
So this is my project. Took about 27 hours to complete:






Ta da. My pretty lotus shoes- a commentary on NOT the cliche feminist issue but on its Westernization and how it's becoming a crutch to the country's progress and culture. I'm really proud of them. I went to the Salvation Army and cut up this pair of $7 business shoes. I felt bad because someone could have worn them and I just ripped them apart for a project. :( The photos have lost the detail in them like the trims I sewed along the edges. :(

Anyway, last night was insane. Robyn called around 10 and I invited her and her roomie over to watch Kamikaze Girls and do work, and after that we ended up watching Count of Monte Cristo. By then it was 3am and I had class at 9 so I went to lay down on bonnie's bed since the two were working on my bed. I actually fell asleep with the lights and tv on- something I usually can never do. Anyway, I heard them leave around 6:30am. Weird night.