Nature Part #2
Ooo.. I forgot to note that I went to American Apparel in New York and bought two sweatshop-free and no-logo tanks! Haha.. too bad it wasn't the organic cotton type. Oh and yes, my prom dress is second hand. :P. So beat that! hahaha.. OOoooo.. plus I reuse a ton of random materials for scrapbooking and collages... I cut up cardboard and decorate them and stick them in my room. lol. No wonder my room is a mess cuz I keep so much crap. I just read that Lululemon sells clothing made out of hemp, soy and organic cotton! That's awesome.. I just start a new eco friendly wardrobe! HAHAHA.... I can just see those eyes rolling and thinking that I'm being eco-friendly just to go shopping for more clothes. :P hey come on, if I have to be eco friendly, I must adjust my lifestyle to fit that you know... at least I'm casting my 'ballot' for sweatshop free, eco-friendly materials...

What really bothers me is how churches aren't environmentally friendly. Okay, RHCCC spent an additional $1 million for an energy efficient air system but who knows if their intentions were to help the environment or just to save money. Or both. Anyway I just watch how our church just uses tons and tons of styrofoam cups for water, tea and cookies. So you drink a cup of water and throw it away and then take a few crumbled cookies in another styrofoam cup and then after you feel thirsty so you take ANOTHER styrofoam cup for a tea. I think we should invest in plastic cups. Okay we use water to wash them but at least water can be renewed and styrofoam stays on the Earth for a very long time. And how about bulletins? Why don't we have a recycling box for unwanted bulletins? I asked my dad why RHCCC didn't have recycling boxes especially considering how huge the church is. He just said they had them near the office which is kinda far from the sanctuary. Sigh. I remember when I was in Grade 5 and I was so moved by the poverty that the children in Africa had to live through that I organized a 'garage sale' in our school.. everyone donated tons of stuff and we had booths set up according to the different items for sale (books, toys, clothes). And I remember we raised about $500HK ($100 Can) except we were doing an animal unit in class so my teacher asked me if we could donate it to World Wildlife Fund and I grudgingly agreed. I really didn't want to. :S HAha.. so that's my humanitarian aid effort as a child. :P Oh the simple innocent desire to help as a child. Now we take upon a Machiavellan approach and only help those when we know we can get something in return. You can see what politics has done to me. :P

Loving 'Are you sad' by OLP Kitty. ;) I keep stealing your bandwidth! lol.

Did you rise the sun for me? Paint a million stars that I might know your majesty. Is your voice upon the wind? Is every thing I know marked with my Maker's fingerprints?

Lol. I must have posted this song at least five times. But I love it so much because of the intimacy between the worshiper and the worshiped.. using nature to describe the greatness and power of God. And I love the diction especially 'paint' :P. It's so poetic and it just makes you feel so special because you feel as if the world was created for you. A certain someone once told me that if churches hosted more camping trips to the wilderness or just went outside, Christians could become stronger because they feel that spiritual connection to nature. Nature just glorifies God and speaks a powerful testimony of his greatness. We can't find that spiritual connection in our concrete paved paradises nor our Tower of Babels nor computers, but in rivers, forests and fields. We get so caught in our digital 'instant everything' worlds that we tend to forget where we came from. When you see the sheer complexity in a flower, a man-made skyscraper is no match. Haha.. she must be proud of me for saying this and must be thinking "Yes! I got through her!". Oh dear... I should revert back to my shopaholic self. What is wrong with me?! :P Yeah but she said it better than I did.
Speaking of nature, my life just recently has revolved around recycling, reusing and reducing. And it's enormously fun and I guess this could be a potential career path because I like the challenge. I think it's so easy for anyone to buy new fabric and materials and make something from it. On the other hand, to create something from existing materials and to make it recyclable, is a lot harder.. but it's a lot of fun! For art we're allowed to make anything we want out of recycled materials... so me and three friends are making 2-3 couture dresses (not wearable) out of recycled paper, magazines, branches, leaves, pressed flowers, shower curtains.. and we're gonna go garage sailing to pick up some old stuff! Value Village here we come.... We were told to look at the back of the buildings to see what stuff they would have dumped and to loot around.. lol.. psycho arts pple! Looking at garbage now for equipment! Yeah, so yesterday I saw that many houses had pruned their trees and a ton of branches were left tied in a bunch, left outside for the recyclers to come by.. so I took a bunch and hauled them home.. they are so heavy.. ergh...
Secondly, for Eco Action I've been making logos, designs and slogans for recycled t shirts (turn your t shirt inside out) in which we'll get them printed onto iron-on paper and then we'll press them onto t shirts.. I really hate those cliche and typical environmental slogans like 'Save your World' or a picture of a world with a bandage on it. So I've tried to 'tap' into the youth market (wow I sound like an old marketing manager) by presenting different designs that imply environmental awareness such as 'Carpool', 'Consumerism Conservation', 'Fair Trade Chocolate' and 'Global Warming'. And best of all, I get to see the designs on the t shirts tomorrow.. I shouldn't get my hopes up lest they look really ugly. :S So now Eco Action has its own line of clothing called 'Ecouture' (you'd get the pun if you understood fashion). Ai yah, I'm so in my own little world doing these things for my own sake.. watch them not sell at all! lol.. yay then I just got new t shirts to wear!
Thirdly, for my world issues children's book, I've made my book entirely out of recycled material (one sided paper and cereal box.. credit goes to the Otesha group). :P
And Pratt has this interior design group that focuses on creating spaces for sustainable living... that's really cool and parsons really stresses on sustainability as well... they have these cool products that industrial designers made.. there was this hakka hat with solar panel sheets so when the workers work, they collect the solar power and use it at home. It's really cool.
So maybe if I go into fashion, I'll use organic cotton and hemp and soy for fabric and if I go into interior.. I'll use other e-friendly products to create liveable but sustainable spaces. Yay go me...

Have you ever sat still and looked out the window to see the bustling, never stopping world around you? When I was at the airport waiting to fly to New York, the terminal was quiet but past the large glass panes you could see snakes of highways full of cars that glimmer, glitter and then quickly fade away. It's just such a large contrast between the peaceful calm in the waiting area as opposed to outside world.

It's so ironic that art is supposed to promote freedom but in reality, we are so restricted in what we do. You do what the client wants you to do. Your freedom is this: make something within budget and do it on time. Who cares what it looks like in the end because it's within the price range and it's done on time. Now I know why Michelangelo or Da Vinci threw tantrums whenever the people told him to hurry up. So that's why I'm not sure if I want to go into interior design.. I don't want to be restricted so much as to how things look and I dont' want people yelling at me all the time. I hate this hierarchy.

I don't have anything to say so I don't know why I'm even blogging.

Er, hey I finished my politics essay at 9:30! So I'm quite happy... well quite happy that I finished, not sure how well written it was. I kinda glossed over things cuz I was so tired and I can't think and then I'm quite incoherent and my grammar is sucky ......(notice the joke. ha ha.)

So it's New York for me this Thursday.

Prom is stupid. I hate that word now. That 'P' word. I think we should throw rocks at it (notice the rob influence there). I just want the invitation so I can stick it in my scrapbook. :P Prom is for losers and conformists... like me ;). The whole stupid thing about prom is to get dressed up and have a crappy dinner at a big conference room disguised as a ballroom. And then get drunk. Whoohoo. I'm just going so I can buy a dress. LOL. What other reason is there? Prom is retarded.

Mmm... I love that Michael Buble song. It's so soothing.. It's one of those song where you can just lie in bed and fall asleep to. It's one of those songs where you can just sit by the window and look out as the rain trickles down the glass pane.

Now I just have no thoughts at all. All I can picture is a steaming cup of capuccino and hazy salmon pink and gold images of the Eiffel Tower and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I can picture rain.

I want to go to Edwards garden and have a picnic. That has always been a dream since I was a child. Being able to sit underneath a large oak tree, dappled light across the blanket of dewy grass. A red and white checkered linen cloth laid with a wicker basket, looking across from the lazy river. Ducks bathing and floating slowly in the water, the elderly ladies in their flamboyant sunhats feed pieces of bread to the cackling geese. A lone elegant swan dressed in its white finery, preening behind the long lithe heather.

I wish I was a little kid again. I used to think being a prostitute was the easiest job ever. After watching Les Miserables I asked my mom what that was. She told me that it was someone who slept with men. And I was thinking wow what an easy job. Just go from house to house and sleeping in a comfy bed next to a person! Yeah, I used to think two people sleeping next to each other like logs. :P

The other day I was waiting for Robyn to pay for her purchases and I saw these two little girls.. about twelve and they were decked out in the typical brand name tracksuits with Uggs and carried purses. And I think that is just so completely wrong. Why can't little girls stay as little girls.. We've eliminated make believe games for video games. Children cannot discover and exercise what imagination they have. I used to get all these random toys and trinkets and play with them... I used to love the plastic foods and serve them to my parents.... until the grand ate of 13. Instead of 'dress up' which I used to love to do with my cousins' clothes.. we'd put on these dresses and parade around... we now have girls with Dooney and Bourke purses who get manicures, have their own Ipods and all sport a pair of Uggs. Whatever happened to creativity, imagination and individuality? What happened to those beautiful picture books? And simple dolls? What happened to stickers? I remember my mom told me that she was handing out packs of Real Fruit gummies and one kid said "this is so cheap". Now, mom mom says, kids don't like stickers. She now buys sparkly little keychain diaries and some little building kits for the kids. How spoiled they are. I used to love stickers. I still have my sticker collection and it brings back memories.. I remember trading this one for that one... and I got those cuz I thought they were cool.... And I have a collection of beautiful picture books. Remember when Scholastic used to publish books brimming with colorful images? Now they sell 'Sleepover Kits and Book!' and 'Mary Kate and Ashley Go to Prom!'. They always have to have some kinda item to lure kids to read or some celebrity. Now they never publish beautiful books. And if they do, they're all hardcover.
Why do little girls need purses anyway? Moreover, semi luxury purses that cost over $100? Why the need to get Uggs and Triple Five Soul hoodies and matching trackpants? Have you seen Jacob Jr? The stuff is freakishly the exact same stuff they produce in Jacob, just a smaller version. Did I tell you I hate Uggs. They remind me of insect heads from 'A Bug's Life' and they make your feet a lot larger than they really are. I got my first purse in Grade 3. Yes that's really young but it was this one Auntie Joanna got for me for christmas.. a velvet sling on, studded with multicolour rhinestones and iridiscent beads. It looks nothing like the ones they have now. It was just a play thing that I took to church because it was sparkly.
They're growing up younger and younger. Nothing will impress them when they turn 18. Nothing will fulfill them. They've been through the Ipods, the gadgets and gizmos, the brand name trends, the $200 purses (this is no joke.. in new york, pre-teens everywhere are clutching these $200 bags).. so what can they do? They will aim for higher. Cookie cutter fashionistas decked in head to toe Louis Vuitton, Narciso Rodriguez, Ralph Lauren and Yves Saint Laurent with platinum blond hair and orange-tanning bed skin. *shudder*
I guess that's what my anti-painting was all about. Youth growing up too quickly. Wanting the respect and security from more sophisticated adults.

I've always wondered how my artistic skills have developed from the past to present. Picture books have played a great part in the development and inspiration of that. I'd read some of them over and over again tirelessly. I'd copy certain parts of the picture. I'd get inspired by the stories and try writing my own. Another big influence when I was in grade school were disney stories especially about princesses (if you haven't figured it out by now) and I used to listen to this Sleeping Beauty tape and draw pictures of Sleeping Beauty in her castle with presents and cake (she had no nose and fingers at the time) on the back of the church paper. When I went to Hong Kong, my art abilities were strongly influenced by Archie comics. I used to copy Betty and Veronica and try making up my own (they looked mutated) characters. I used to copy them and colour them in and my mom would laminate them. The lady at the shop used to admire them. I remember when I was short in money I used to get commissions and sell my artwork for $1-$5 HK for my parents. I also took lessons but they put more emphasis on creativity over technique.
Then my talent took a huge leap forward (wow it sounds like evolution or Mao's ideologies). During one summer I was visiting Canada, my cousin took me to her art teacher's place and I was so impressed so I started to learn how to sketch. I copied many basic pictures of flowers and then advanced to eggs, cars (I hated doing that cuz they have to look like they can function if built), and eventually learned how to do watercolour.
When I moved back I switched teachers twice and improved my watercolour skills and sketching skills. This was when I learned really how to draw from life rather copying from books. When I went to Arts York, I learned life drawing and anatomy and acrylic painting.

And this is how I got to where I am today. I remember my earliest drawing.. a 'scribble gesture' of my family in a multitude of colours... shapeless forms with smiley heads. And my latest works... the tribute to the Beslan tragedy, my colour pencil study of different objects...
I remember when I first started with my art teacher in Canada, I used to think "wow I wish I could do that!" and now I can. Which is quite odd actually. I wonder if I was ever to be able to show some of my latest works to that 12 year old girl I used to be, what would I have thought? I remember my art teacher photocopying one of my works because he was so impressed with the realism in my waterdrops on a rose. He said they looked so real and I have to agree with him because I captured the light perfectly.

Yes so that my history of the life as an artist. Unlike people who take chemistry, physics and calculus, I have been cultivating this talent for years. It doesn't come naturally, I sat in art class for hours trying to show the roundness in the porcelain cup using different tones. People always see the end product but they never care to glance at the progression that got a person where she is today. Yup, I wish I could find all my old drawings and make a chart to see how I have progressed. That would be really cool.

Post #2
Yeah I've decided that I semi want to blog but then again I don't and then again I do. :P My mom was just telling me about this woman who emailed her.. a friend from our old church in HK. I'm acquainted with her daughter who is a year older than I am and she currently studies in California.
Well anyway, the lady suddenly emailed my mom and said that 'Samantha was just placed in my heart'. I don't even really know her. So out of the blue, she thinks of me and emails my mom. My mom asked her to pray for my university decisions because that's where I am struggling with the most the time being.

Tell me.. why do I care about friendships that I know will not last past high school. Those who don't give a darn, I want to be friends with. I guess that's human nature.. wanting something you can't have. But I get so exasperated and I start to have ill feelings about those people who I wanted to get to know in the first place. It's quite sad I know. So perhaps I should get away from here. I just want to bury my head in my pillow and forget all of this. I just want to cry right now. I've been ignored by hm... three people on msn. the people I want to talk to are not here. Why are people so cold when you are so warm and friendly. Is this supposed to be some 'oh I am so cool' facade that people like to portray themselves as? I just wanna go home.

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Anyway there goes another night. This is the end.

Eek.. I'm watching the game right now. Hopefully with a 13 point lead, we'll be able to win. It's crazy. Boo Vince. He doesn't deserve to play in the NBA. Whatever player who does not show good sportsmanship and does not try his best, does not deserve to play with the elite. If you cannot give your 100% despite you are in the crappiest of teams or the playoff-quality ones, you cannot pick and choose when you want to give it your all. And that's why Vince sucks as a player. You don't play mediocre and don't try hard because you're frustrated with the team and want to see a change of scenery. If you're really a pro-basketball player and are frustrated with the team, you have to play to your potential. You don't get paid several million to not try. Anyway, I don't really follow basketball that much anymore so I might be totally missing the mark here.

Ugh. 64-63 Nets... boo...

I don't even know why I'm blogging. I have so much stuff to do. Yeah so I think I'll blog another day.. I'm worried about my politics assignment.

Happy birthday Tania! You make me smile.

As I sat on the bus going home on this beautiful bright blue day, I contemplated. I always get hit by all these thoughts.. thoughts that I'd say to myself "hey I should blog about that" except I forget it all as soon as I hit the page. I guess it's when you're right there in the moment can you find words to describe your thoughts.
I was thinking about the contradicions of our society. We praise those people who have virtues of patience, selfless love, kindness, honesty and loyalty... but then why do we idolize deceitful, greedy people when we watch tv and listen to music? We praise Mother Theresa because she served the weak but Princess Diana got all the attention in the headlines when they died. Perhaps it was because she was beautiful, glamorous and she was royalty and Mother Theresa was not. Humility, kindness and selflessness gets you nowhere in this world.

There's this guy in our church.. Fu Ming? He once tried to start an internet company down at Silicone Valley, California. His friend tried to recruit him to help him start this site where pple can sell junk and he decided to decline the many offers. Eventually his friend made it big and is now the founder of Ebay. He, on the other hand, did not do so well with his own internet company and decided to move to Toronto with his family. And when he told us his story, I couldn't help thinking "wow, he should've followed his friend and helped him! He would've been a billionaire by now! too bad he didn't go that way" But then I thought, if he did choose that path.. would he have gone back to Toronto? Would he have found God like he has now? I don't think so. I think if he accepted the offer and became rich, I don't think he would've found God nor would he have followed his childhood dream of becoming a missionary. But it does seem so enticing to think that you had the opportunity to make millions and end up refusing it. When he followed his path in life, instead of finding heaps of money, he found God.

The sermon that Hafsen preached to us confirmed my 'wonderings'. In our church bulletins there is a sheet that has a different country each week in which we have to pray for... on the sheet is the name of the country, a small map and the religious/nonreligious stats. Below are several key political/social/economical/spiritual points that one should consider when praying for the country. We just had Poland the other week. Within the religious stats, Christianity seems to appear at the top of the list.. adherence of usually 90% and over. And at first I thought "Wow there are so many christians in every country!".. But has Hafsen said, more than half of Canadians claim to be Christian yet we have difficulties in defining the meaning of marriage. And doesn't it seem funny that there are so many 'followers' when it's clearly stated in the bible that the gate to heaven is extremely narrow and that not many people would find it? Then why is Christianity a dominant religion then?

People are so depressed these days. I'm getting depressed cuz they're depressed when initially I wasn't. But that's okay...

Is love a choice?

I think so.. you choose to love someone.. I don't know. It's debatable. According to Joyce and Cd team, it is a choice.

Funny how someone asked whether it's okay to date for fun. She said the church condemns date experiments. She said why can't you just have fun dating and find out what you want in a guy?
Well this is my personal view on this:
You receive a beautiful gift, wrapped in thick copper wrapping paper, embellished with a large taffeta lavender ribbon and a gold card to match it. But as you examine the box, you notice several tears in the paper and the frayed edges of the ribbon. Has someone already tampered with the box? Are you not the first person to lay hands on this present that was supposedly yours? Or is this a second hand gift?

I know for those Christians out there, this is the typical cliche illustration (except I decided to add some of my own.... descriptions to it. lol) to show how each person should save themselves for their future spouse. But what is the purpose to date for FUN? This is an example of extreme selfishness in which you seek to please your own desires first, before placing that person before you. It came across my mind that, why must you date for fun? Why can't you just do stuff with a person of the opposite sex in pure friendship? Really, if your sole purpose is to have fun, why can't you just go out as friends. Geez. Why waste time experimenting. I bet you can find what you like in a potential spouse by looking at your close guy/girl friends and see what traits they have that you like.

I remember eating lunch one day in a stairwell and hearing this girl cry a couple of floors down. This guy comes (they're not visible but audible) and asks what's wrong. Eventually we figured out they were a couple and they had just broken up. The girl asked him "Why do you think we were dating? What was the purpose of dating?" And I bet you the guy would've said "Because I loved you" but guys are guys.. and with the past tense on the word 'love' I don't think that would've blown over too well for the girl. Nevertheless, he said "I don't know". Dumb guy. And it left me thinking, why are people dating in the first place anyway.

I've got a lot more to say about random topics but alas, time has run out! Till next time..

I try to go on like I never knew you.... I pray for this heart to be unbroken.

I know it sounds like I have a crush on someone but I think this line(s) from the Backstreet Boy's new song called 'Incomplete' has really struck a chord in me (no pun intended). I think this line really applies to many friendships I have. Correction: 'had'. Or at least some that have become incredibly far and faint. There are times I just want to forget that I ever knew them... all the waste effort trying to get to know them when they don't even care. And some how I still wanna get to know them.

It's funny how emotionally unstable I am right now because someone has gone for a few days. And it's quite retarded cuz I need to get used to this if I go to the Big Apple.

Don't feel like blogging today.

I think this is my most difficult year of high school. I'm not complaining, I'm just stating a fact. I've been struggling with thoughts of my future decisions and struggling with keeping friendships. It's hard to not become frustrated when you try and you are not in control of the situation, the other person is. I am not in power to change the way people feel.

Anyway, for university, there are a lot of people say they have so many limitations and boundaries and exceptions to get into this school.. perhaps because of marks or distance or financial reasons... But for me, my problem is that I have no limitations save my own fear. My parents (presumably) have the money, I have the talent and I have the acceptance letters. Right now, I've been shown three paths (and one is yet to be determined. Ryerson will determine whether my being in Toronto is a possibility or not) but I don't know which to choose. I am definitely not going to OCAD. I think God has given me that talent of art... I don't know if I really have any other talents... violin is something I have worked on and I'm not good at it anymore since I don't exactly practice. That's another thing, how do you know if you have any 'hidden' talents.. like being patient with people, or being kind to those who seem like the losers of the group and stuff like that? Anyway, that's besides the point, I think my abilities can take me far but then again, I don't really feel like I have passion for interior design. I think that's because I'm not doing anything and I'm not taking any design-related courses at the moment. I have an obsession (which is becoming a big problem) with fashion and fashion marketing. I can just buy magazines for the sake of the advertisements because the 'lighting resembled something from a Rembrandt or a Caravaggio'. I don't know.. well my plan is that in Parsons, they take over 100 students in fashion whereas they only accept 36 for interior. So my chances of switching is greater if I really wanted to.
But anyway I don't know. I feel so alone (no this is not a self-pitiful comment). The other day friends were talking about going to Laurier and Waterloo and having a good time and about what rez to choose and what program to go into, grocery shopping and biking... and I feel so isolated. I'm not going into the same schools as them, nor even the same kind of programs... I'm going to a different country, a different city with a totally different culture, not knowing a single person. I feel so alone and so incredibly scared. One person in a sea of millions. At least it won't be such a culture shock since Hong Kong quite resembles New York in ways.
I've never really quite fit in. With Julia and the UN crew, they've always been more 'outgoing' than me, in the Raps crew I've always been isolated from their sci/math discussions (not that I want to be in them but they talk about that stuff half the time anyway and I don't have any classes with them) and as for the AY group ... they're just a tad weird sometimes.
I was mentioning to Sarah the other day that we had a world issues test on Wednesday and then the Africa map test on Friday and the isp thing due the following week (which will probably be pushed back knowing my teacher). It wasn't a complaint. I was just telling her that I had two tests. And this person starts accusing me and saying "oh and you think you have a lot of tests? That's nothing! I have this and this and this the following week and that". Omg. Those people can really piss me off. So I take it I can never have a reason to stress. People. And some think my courses are just like 'lalala land' and bird courses. I doubt any of you would use physics again.. use all those weird equations to find some derivative on a sloping tangent line. Being obsessedd with a math problem does nothing.. you see people absorbed in their work and they know nothing about the outside world. At least my courses can be applicable to my life and will help me know how electoral systems work when I turn 18 this May and what we can do to cut down on air pollution. I don't need derivatives and limits to show me how to pay bills and such. It's all utterly useless.
Today I was talking to my parents and about different schools... more towards UTS and Peoples. They stress so much on sci and math... the gr 11's do gr 12 math.. the competition is just enormous because everyone is so talented in those areas... but there's this childhood friend I had who has taken her ARCT and is extremely talented in art (as my dad stated) who feels pressured into going into the life sciences even though her counselors and principal think she should go into art. I think it's because art always plays second in a lot of private schools. Art is seen as something below the math and the sciences because it's not as 'complex' in a way.... But I find that a lot of people in those areas cannot express themselves. Schools like UTS put so much emphasis on the left brainers, that they utterly crush the artistic potential they might have had. That's why I like Uhs. We have all the chinese mathy and sci-y people and we have all the weird psychotic art people. It's a beautiful balance.

Bye. I'll miss you.