Goodbye July

Click it.

I got bored so decided to do something different with my blog post by incorporating words into images- this one specifically at the college's tennis courts. Pretty dangerous I must say. If I had fallen on the glass, that would not have been good at all.


I'm scared, it's almost August. Nooooo.... I can't believe it's August.
Yay I finally got hooked up with a teacher at the sewing centre up at Newmarket so I'll be taking a few private lessons to speed up my learning process. $20 is not bad at all for 2 hours. Or was it one. Anyway, she remembers me when I came in to buy my sewing machine and has offered to give me lessons. :) She's going to teach me about fabrics and treatment and really interesting stuff tomorrow. Yay. Unfortunately the lesson is at 10am so that means sleeping early.
Er my driving teacher said I'm good enough to take the test except I really do not feel ready because I had issues with doing a back in and kind of forgot how to do parallel park and I have absolutely no sense of good judgement. And all those nitty gritty safety precautions you have to do. Ugh. But I'll trust him. If I don't get it I swear I won't cry. Dang it. But it would be a huge downer on my summer vacation. I really like my driving instructor- he's so funny, makes me smile and I love to bug him.


Ugh Tania and I played tennis in the stifling humidity today. Yech.


I think one of the most beautiful things at retreat was the tennis lighting. It sounds pathetic but the lights were literally a white 'colour' and the contrast between the bright white and the dark, inky blackness of the night sky would have been amazing for some freaking photo shoot. Omg.. Too bad the local courts at my place are yellow. -_-.
I regret not taking pictures of the guys playing basketball or more of other people because all 264 are basically the same people over and over again. Sigh. I'm just too shy to approach people.
I must say there were some great tennis plays that night like my last minute drop volley which went diagonally across and narrowly over the net (Pearl makes me run -_-) and in the doubles when we lost when I accidentally hit the ball right to Andrew's racket who was at the net. We almost had that point. -_- Too bad it wasn't recorded. I would have liked to see those plays because they'll eventually fade from my memory.

Sorry

Okay sorry. If I made you feel unappreciated and worthless I didn't mean to.
Angie, thanks for being there for me at retreat. I had a really good time. I'm being sincere.
So shall I just put this all behind me? But I know if I do, I'll just explode again.
Is this all unnecessary, psychological crap that I'm dealing with or something more?
Perhaps I should just be content with what I have and shut up.

Burdens and Questions to Bear

Over dinner my mom asked me what I learned at retreat.
I said, "I don't know."


I wonder how I can make myself more attractive.
No I'm not talking about outer appearances, that's pretty easy, but being content about one's inner self.
I look at other girls at RHCBC and wonder if I had a happier disposition, would I draw people towards me (like Rob or Angie)? Or if I was louder like Roz (okay I can never be that loud)? Or if I participated at more events etc (like Sam on worship team but I was not equipped with a beautiful voice like hers)?
But now it feels like I'm stuck in this rut that I can't get out of.
And then I look at myself and hate what I've become.
'Reflection' from Mulan just popped up on my Itunes- a song I usually pass off as slightly a bit emo- but I just heard it again and burst into tears.
I'm so confused.
I wonder if I initially had come to RHCBC as more of an outgoing, happy, loud person, would life have been different- would I have more 'friends' than I do now. Like Sarah.
I don't know if this Sam was something that I've created or if God designed me to be. For if it was the latter, then I'd have to learn to just accept this self.


I've been thinking about this- this problem I've had for such a long time and wonder what the answer to all this could be. And round and round I go wondering if it's because I'm not involved enough, or if it's me, or if it's others or I'm just making something big out of something that was initially small or if I should just be content with what I have or as they say, think about others and they'll naturally come to you but I've done so but nothing has happened. Have I not tried hard enough then? So should I serve to get to know other people? But I feel so broken. And this is what I mean by a rut. I just don't know where to begin. I'm not doing this for attention, for who wants to suffer this long without strong, godly friendships? I want an answer.
How long will I have to endure this, oh God?


When a man and a woman fall in love (you know what I mean), it's such a miracle. To have two people connect with each other in that deep way- it dazzles me.


When the worship team plays and sings, I can hear the violin in my head playing that sweet soft melody.

The Grievances and Realizations of a (amateur) Photographer

Retreat was pretty good. It was actually quite different from what it was before without the presentations and the schedule was a lot more relaxed. I thought it was a little short though to do much bonding. I didn't even get to spend time with certain people.
I can't believe how much food RHCBCers bring. It's unbelievable. A huge tub of mango sago? Peach cheesecake? A grill to make french toast? Eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast? Even better, abalone congee and shark fin soup???? Not saying that these things are bad, but when I first heard what people brought in previous years, I was a little alarmed at the extent people go to on a RETREAT. Don't you think you're taking this a little too far? Yet I understand Chinese people love to bond over food and it's a time of celebration and fellowship. I enjoyed playing/dealing cards and eating on the first night with everyone.


The sermons and workshop were pretty good (except the back to back sermon and workshop last night were a little heavy for me especially at the end when Ming wanted us to discuss scenarios in groups which dragged on way too long).
But I think my 'favourite' sermon was the second one about building an extraordinary community (I didn't take notes though since I forgot my booklet). I remember Ming's last few words, that you cannot go to church alone and leave alone for your growth will be stunted.
Which has been my life for the past year.
We had group discussions today after the sermon and Karin suggested that we go around telling each other one thing that we had learned through retreat.
And it's extremely difficult for me to tell you how I felt at that point bcause it's taken years for me to build this wall. When it came to me, I started talking about that last line Ming had said and suddenly my voice started to crack and shake and just a tsunami of tears just came out- all that bitterness, anger, pain and loneliess I've felt all these years just flooded out. All that anger that has built up inside of me against all the other people at church for not trying and my self-hatred. The anger I've built up against many people at Salt who I found extremely pretentious and all these tight, unwelcoming impenetrable cliques just came out. The hurt people have inflicted on me and my own self-made wounds just came out inbetween sobs.
The previous night around 3am Angie had gone to chill with other people and I was left alone to think. I wondered if it was me. Am I cold in person? Is it because I'm shy but I'm perceived as being a stuck up New Yorker? Do I not have any genuine Christian relationships because I'm not involved with youth group? Or is it because I come off as an unkind person? Did I not try hard enough? Should I act more 'outgoing'? Why do I care so much about not looking stupid- something they promote in their games? Am I needy? I'm being such a girl right now.
I remember Gilbert (or was it Ming) about how to be a spiritual friend or something- about not acquainting yourself with a person but to really get to know her and to help her make other friends so that she does not rely on you solely.
And I was thinking, this is so true. Floating from church to church has taught me that many people will often welcome the 'new girl' until the novelty fades and the person is just left alone with a bunch of shallow friends and acquaintances. And that is what I've been suffering ever since I went to Hong Kong in the 90's.
And that that is the reason why I've tried to withdraw from certain individuals as well. Because I don't have many 'deep Christian friends', I feel like I've become a burden to a few so I try to step back and let them breathe. They don't need me, but I need them.


So I just sat outside with the few of them- Helen, Michelle, Angie, Emily and Karin venting out my frustration and pain to a few girls I hardly knew in the first place. But sometimes you want strangers to hear because they've never heard it before. Yet when you tell old friends about your old troubles, it's still old news. "Again?" they say, yes, again. And becuase they say "again" I feel like a burden and an attention whore. But people grieve and time is not really a factor. And I've grieved, but these wounds are still open.
And like Helen who told us the other day that she used to blow all her tuition money on clothes and sports equipment, every Sunday after church in New York, I'd walk around the Macy's area, trying to fill that void by buying things. But that's only in NY more and less of a thing I do here in this kind of instance. But I thought "God if you gave me friends at church, I wouldn't be walking around here alone and I'd be spending less money and more time with friends. Rather than being in this store, I'd be having lunch with friends after church." But that never happened so I went to church and left alone. But this topic is quite sensitive to me because people always think I spend because I like buying things when it really goes deeper than that. But as I said, this only applies to New York.
So Helen gets me tissue and they do a popcorn-style prayer and tell me that many people go through this. I have a hard time understanding this, they must be pretty darn good actors to be upholding this for so long. I never thought masks were really 'real' but more of a different facade of a multi-faceted personality but these people who apparently 'suffer' the same thing as me must be real good.
Helen told me that perhaps He wanted me to go through this to help others. Except if I can't solve my own issue, how do you expect me to solve others? I just don't understand.

For the record, I broke my dad's camera- well the protector at least and it did served its purpose. I just cracked that fan like thing and the $600 lens was fine and unblemished. When I tripped over myself or that twig trying to get a shot of Helen playing tennis and eating pizza simultaneously, as I was falling, my first thought was "protect the camera from the ground!" so I held up as high as I could with my right arm so my elbow grazed the surface first (hence the bloodiness) and my knees were skinned. When I recovered from the fall, the first thing I thought was "omg, is the camera in a million pieces." and everyone started yelling "are you okay?!"

I'll be okay if the camera is okay.

My knees and elbow still sting- more pain at times than others but I've fallen so many times when I was a kid from playing tag, I've learned to just deal with the pain as some sensation. It feels nothing like the day I came to retreat. I had taken yet again, vitamins without eating anything and at dim sum with Robyn and them, I felt incredibly sick in the stomach. The vitamins literally flushed everything out of my system. Personally I am finding this emotional and spiritual pain of being void of deep Christian relationships more hurtful than any skinned knee or bloody elbow. These things can be healed on its own- my body will take care of it, it knows what it's doing while I'm stuck trying to figure out how to make better friends at church.

I can't remember who said this, but someone once said that the unexamined life is a life wasted (paraphrasing). It's incredibly true.
I think one of the highlights of retreat was last night's two hour tennis games with Angie, Pearl, Andrew, Sam Hui, and Helen, Broncos and other guys respectively. It was tremendous fun trying to beat the other team and I actually got to take on Sam and Pearl and was surprised by my own tennis play skills which have long died when I stopped taking lessons back in grade 10. I could actually beat this full grown athletic male accompanied by Pearl's great backhand. Dude, I really can play at times when I'm 'in the zone'. And sometimes, when I play, I feel alive: like I'm actually involved with and in something and other people and I could actually just interact with people I've never talked or associated with before. Why?
One thing I've been known for within the church is always having my dad's Nikon camera with me. I love taking pictures of people whether they're posed, modeled or candid. I attend softball games now in my feeble attempts to take some mediocre Toronto Star sports page section-like photographs. It's also a way for me to offer some of my 'talent' and help record the events of the church. And through the entire retreat, I've been taking pictures of people playing tennis to bunches of guys and girls just hanging out, to the worship team t shirts to the last ESC group photo.
And as I stood on the chair facing the entire ESC group huddled and smushed together like a mosh pit at some rock concert, I realized that I see everything like a spectator on the sidestands. My camera, metaphorically speaking, is the representation of my passivity/inability in not being involved. Though everyone will see my photographs the way I view life in general, I have always been the one taking the picture and not in the picture. Am I recording other people's lives rather than my onw? It's all because of my fear and self doubt. I take pictures at softball because I don't want to play and don't think I could (self doubt) because of my fear of hard flying balls. Whereas in tennis I'm actually the player and not the photographer or the spectator. I am in centre court. I am in the paint.
And in tennis do I feel like I can be an adequate 'opponent' and player. I feel like I have something to give and to share. Some place in the sports arena where I can trade my "diamond studded" sandals for Adidas running shoes, my camera for a racket and ball. I am not that prissy untouchable fashionista you always deign me to be. I sweat, I run and I can hit a mean forehand.
Don't get me wrong, I love taking pictures. But I think I sometimes hide behind the camera to avoid realizing how alone I am. To realize that I myself have no one to take a picture with. Only to take pictures of people.
And after I fully fleshed out my thought I said "wow." I found (or it was revealed to me) some profound metaphorical and physical reason why I love photography so much: being the spectator but never the player.

A,B,C,D: What Will Samantha Be?

So for the record, yesterday me, Loiser and Tania went to Yorkdale for a good 4.5 hours trying to find a present for Kitty and we came out with- oh wait I shouldn't say lest she reads this. Well we got her two items from H&M. Sigh. And then we celebrated our efforts at Soban with bubble tea and bimbibaba (sp). :P
Today we went to the same Teppanyaki restaurant with Serene and then headed to Vaughan Mills to get store credit for my dad's Lacoste shirt (so ma fan). I think if we went to Vaughan Mills instead of Yorkdale, we would have gotten a lot more for her since there were some incredible sales there.


I was reading the article in Brio which I thought was pretty helpful:
God's Voice
Stills you
Leads you
Reassures you
Enlightens you
Encourages you
Comforts you
Calms you
Convicts you


Satan's Voice
Rushes you
Pushes you
Frightens you
Confuses you
Discourages you
Worries you
Obsesses you
Condemns you


I then flipped to their main article which featured in singer/songwriter called Sarah Kelly and reading her testimony was quite- frightening. She was firstly too involved with the church which lead to a disconnected relationship between her and her parents. She then got into a relationship with a leader in her youth group because she wanted to be accepted by a bunch of Mean Girls (at a christian high school) who started physically abusing her and she started cutting herself. But she stayed in the relationship because she loved the makeup period because he would attempt to be nice to her for the following two months. Then she got into a relationship with a man who was studying to be a pastor (after breaking up with her first boyfriend) but when he asked her to marry him, she said no, and he raped her.


And upon reading that, my eyes grew wide. We're talking about a pastor in training- okay I know pastors make mistakes but something is extremely messed here. The entire article left a sinking feeling in me and left me wondering where all the righteous men are. Feminity indeed has been brutalized.
Anyway as I lay awake last night in bed, I thought of writing a post on what we wanted to be when we grew up as children. I recalled this needlepoint piece my mom's best friend made for me with a row of bears dressed in different 'professions' (ex a ballerina, a firefighter, a doctor etc) and at the top it said "A,B,C,D, what will Samantha be?"
And at the time I had always wanted to be the ballerina in pink. But when people or teachers asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said "an artist or an authoress" (my version of the female writer). And I just suddenly made a connection: that even when I was little, I loved to write and draw which is still apparent today. So perhaps what I am meant to do will lie in the fields of art/design and writing? I know my posts aren't gramatically or even stylistically sound but I really do like to babble on and on. It was just interesting to make that connection between childhood and I guess 'teenhood'.
I was on style.com reading up on the fall wrap up shows by the designers and they basically put one piece that was shown on the runway and added a little blurb about the concept behind the whole collection. Being me, I hate it when people just throw things together 'just because'. I love a concept, a meaning, a story behind a piece of work and especially a professional collection. Viktor and Rolf decided to dip their dresses in pure silver because in Holland, the baby shoes were dipped in silver to mark a significant date and by dipping their dresses in silver, signified their love/passion for garment making and designing.

"It's basically to freeze a moment in time, to treasure a moment that's really beautiful, to think back to a beautiful childhood. We started with that emotion, since fashion is our biggest love, we literally wanted to dip fashion itself in silver."

But I've noticed throughout many of the shows be it Prada or Roberto Cavalli or Proenza Schouler, many designers turned their backs on the innocent, sweetness of feminity which was so highly sought in the spring collections and chose to go to the 'Dark side' to express the power and the edgier side of the female. OR it could just be because it's fall and we need some black clothes so designers made up some 'deep reason' to buy dark coloured clothing. :P But may I say that I love love love the Rochas fall collection. The concept behind it was 'chimney sweepers and clouds' and if you click on the picture, doesn't it look like the left a walking version of a chimney stack with the vertical lines and the clean, minimalist form whereas the one on the right expresses the softness and fluidity of the ever shape shifting clouds? And the cooler this is the connection between the two: chimney= smoke=into the clouds. You know when kids used to draw houses with a chimney stack with puffs of clouds coming out? Same thing. I really like it. REALLY REALLY LIKE IT. The concept is so random! That's what makes it so cool!


Oh and I thought of a couple of guy names I like: Tristan, Marc... er that's it for now. :P

Future Wedding Thoughts

You know how they say while little boys dream of flying a fighter jet and shooting down the enemies, girls dream about their future wedding down to the last detail?
Except when Andrew told me he was saving up money for his future wedding- I burst out laughing. Sorry, it was really unexpected.
I saw my cousin's engagement ring a few weeks ago and she's getting married around 2008 (hopefully) and they must each raise $20,000 for the wedding itself (yikes). I told her to talk to me when she is looking for a gown because I may have a load of connections and hookups with designers to be or via internships. I was looking at my cousin Louisa's wedding invitation, menu card and wedding from 2004 when she had her lavish wedding at the famous Standford university's church and the banquet was held in this old marble bank. There were sprays of orchids everywhere with glass bowls of goldfish. The reception area had waiters serving wine to mini bubble teas.
The invite itself was extremely Chinese- red and gold with the huge double happiness sign on a cloth card.
It was the most beautiful, lavish and memorial wedding I had ever attended- actually this is the only one I really remember since the last time I went to one which was probably when I was still in Grade one. Click on the picture above. I don't think that picture really does it any justice. It was really detailed and you just had to be there. Each table had a tall fluted vase of yellow orchids- tons of them and each guest was given a gift of two 'singing cups' (useless but oh well) and there was a free bar. There was a dance at the end and it was funny to see my 80 year old grandmother attempt to dance. Because it was hosted in an old bank, there was no kitchen so she made the caterers set up shop three blocks away and made them walk back and forth with the dishes for everyone. Apparently she got into many arguments with my aunt over the type of chairs and the type of flowers (Which were not in season at the time). I don't think any of my cousins can top that unless they marry some other guy who's parents own a pasta company and has a house that has been featured on Architecture Digest and gives his fiance a Porsche 'just because' (I think he was just really cunning since my cousin doesn't know how to drive stick shift so technically he bought the car for himself). Haha. Yeah if I become a poor starving artist, I'll run to them for financing. hahaha.
I've thought about 'my future wedding' except there's nothing that I really want in particular. I remember talking to Tania about proposals and thought it would be great if her fiance got her courtside tickets to see Stevie (if he hasn't retired as of then) and propose to her there. HAHA. So far I know what I don't want- no ring in my soup or champagne because it will most likely end up in my stomach than on my finger. No boring fancy dinner and all that traditional stuff. I want it to be really creative and something I could never imagine. So good luck to you, whoever you are out there. Nothing boring and ordinary. I don't think even Tom Cruise's proposal to Katie Holmes on top of the Eiffel Tower was that impressive either. Kind of typical to be proposing in the city of romance. Haha. Take me to Venice or Kyoto or Shanghai.
When I was a kid I used to wonder how a woman could just say 'yes' right on the spot. I thought that if I was proposed to the first thing I'd say would be "I'll think about it." I just wanted to make a rational decision rather than on the spur, emotional "YES!" and regret it later on. Iwanted an outdoor wedding and imagined it on some lush grass hill with a huge forest surrounding it. It was fall so the colours of the trees had already turned gold and ruby. And I used to wonder if the bride and groom would be embarrassed to kiss in front of everybody at the end of their vows. And I vowed that I would edit that part out. Lol. And because of that, I wanted a small wedding so if I did have to do it, only a few people would see.
My mom once told me not to have a 'Chinese wedding' which surprised me because most Chinese parents want a Chinese wedding. She hates the long and dreary banquets with ten course meals and long speeches. I find those dull too. And I know for one thing, I'm scrapping the entire Chinese invite.
At my cousin's wedding, they had a Rolls Royce and my brother mentioned two days ago he wants to come in a P21 plane (one problem: it only seats one). Her cake was mango mousse (except it was really dry and gross- the only down point really) and she had about 500 guests (or was it 300 or 600. lol). Her makeup artists were Asian hence bridesmaids had stiff, crunchy, pouffed to the max, glittery hairstyles (yuck) and that silvery eyeshadow. Even her relatives (from aunts to cousins) got hair and makeup done. It was pretty funny because I looked like I had just gotten Botox done or something.
I think I'd keep some Chinese traditions. I remember the night before they did the traditional bride combing thing where all the older women would give words of advice to the bride to be (kind of boring for us bystanders but interesting to see anyway) and the whole Chinese tea ceremony (that's a lot of relatives to pour tea to except there's a ton of lai see to receive too. haha) and the whole bribing the bridesmaids and single women by the groom and his best men to see and have access to the bride (I reaped $200 US that day and there were nine of us. My mom later told me not to expect that at a normal wedding. :P). I think I'd keep some out of respect but not sure.
I know that I'd like to walk to Canon in D- I know it's very typical but it's been a song that I've loved since gr 5. I've learned to play it on piano (and smugly played it to my then best friends and never gave them the score so I could always top their playing skills. haha) and learned when the bride would walk in and how she'd walk (I think it was one step per bar in the intro). And then on the violin where I played it with this other guy at my grade eight graduation and then after that I used to do quartets in the stairwell back in gr 9 with three violins and a viola when I was still in AY Strings. It sounded freaking amazing. And then last year Liz and I wowed the art kids with our skills in playing Pachelbel's Canon. It's more of a personal thing than tradition- a song that I've grown up with and have actually learned to play.
Yeah so in conclusion, I have not really thought of anything definite. Not even the dress except Vera Wang would be nice ($4k). I would like the host/MC to be a mutual friend like my cousin had. It was a lot more personal and he told us funny stories about the two- how they met and how Louisa initially shunned him (ouch). And then her sisters went up to talk about the two and it was really sweet and nice. Oh I know! I want a fabulously great tasting cake in some weird architectural gravity defying shape. :P Concerning the engagement ring- whatever that can be afforded after trying to impress me with some creative proposal. It's not like you wear it forever since the wedding band has to replace it anyway.
Yeah. So that's the thoughts of 'the wedding' from a single female artist for you. Don't laugh at me. :P Nothing is written in stone.


I went to H&M today and saw three versions of the suspender dress: one in brown corduroy, one in blue and white stripes and one in black denim. Boo it's trendy now except they're charging people $60!

trinkets

A man is in bondage to whatever he cannot part with that is less than himself.
George MacDonald.


I found out Grace passed her G2 and I said if she passed, I'd get her a Tim Hortons ice cap. When I read it in huge colourful letters on her blog, I felt really happy for her because we were just talking about it the night before her test yet the fleeting thought of "why didn't I pass on my first try" came and went. Oh well.


I've been doing some more cleaning and have unearthed a lot of useless decorative gifts people have given me in the past. And when I mean 'useless' I mean trinkets that are supposed to be hung or suspended and just to be looked at over the purpose of utility. Someone gave me this decorative glittery girl who looks like she's flying and attached to her arms are gold coins, shopping bags, a bag that says "born to shop" and a card that says "charge it". And then there are some people who have given me notebooks which have covers that have glitter on them with red shopping bags and shoes and purses.
Why?
I have no use for these though I appreciate the gesture. Here's the thing, I like buying things but I don't like tween glittery notebooks and things that point to my interest in clothes in some cute, nauseating way. In that case, I like cool designs with stripes and colours and texture.
I think one of the best birthday presents I ever received was a year ago (it was extremely belated) from Julia my dancer/model friend. It was a few weeks before I was about to go to New York and she gave me a ginormous and super heavy bay and inside was a two book set encased in a pink box with the details of a Rococco dress on the front: History of Fashion from the 1800s by one of my favourite publishers: Phaidon. She thought it would be useful for future references at school- more than 200 glossy pages of beautifully photographed historical and conceptual fashion. The reason I loved this present was because every year, she has always given me an IOU or some money so it was really unexpected.
But it wasn't anything covered with glitter or conspicuously has the words "shopping' emblazoned on the front- it was useful and one of the most awesome fashion/clothing related presents I've received.
Now to figure out what today with all these trinkets in my room. I don't want to give them away but I don't want to put them up in my room either.

Name Dropping

In response to Tania's favourite name post. Get ready for some weird ones:
Girls: Chantilly (derived from the cream), Mercedes, Porscha, Luca, Devon.
Boys: I just realized nothing really attracts me and my girls list is quite short to begin with.
Ai yah.

The Cut

So to see if the suspender dress was alright for wearing in public, I broke out this Walmart t shirt that's been in my closet for a year and a bit now and wore it underneath. My mom who is lying on the floor doing exercises and watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' looks at me (btw looking from below it obviously makes it look shorter while if you stood up my legs would be foreshortened and the dress would appear longer). Her first comment is,
"You look like a teenager."
LOL. I told her that I was a teenager. She said,
"You look like a sixteen year old teenager."
What difference do three years make? She then says,
"It's too short."
-_-


And you realize how much the cut of a garment can make such a difference. The silly thing is is that if I wore shorts that length it would be acceptable. And my mom thinks it would be acceptable if I wore grey leggings underneath to the knee (to hide all of my thigh- except it's being covered by a piece of thin fabric) Even a denim mini because the fabric is stiff and hugs the body closely. But a rayon skirt that flares out implies the possibility of it perilously flying upwards. It's never really about length but how the garment is cut.

I think this is the funniest picture ever. You have to click on it to see the details. Look in the tree. Pardon me for the crappy photography- I just had to snap it quickly before they realized at yesterdays photo shoot.

The Age Issue

I only slept six hours last night and woke up this morning and couldn't get back in bed. Today au contraire of yesterday, was quite laidback and most unproductive.
I bought fabric for a pattern- this watery grey wool and cotton blend. I don't dare to start until I get some advice and input from my sewing teacher and I'm becoming quite impatient because the lessons are so sparse. I want to experiment but I'll make a ton of mistakes and waste a good pattern and fabric.


I finally, finally found a suspender dress for $6 today. I think I've developed a sixth sense for this secondhand purchasing. The only down side about it is that it's a little short length wise so I'm trying to see if I can add two inches of fabric on the hem to make it more 'modest'. And yet again I have to wait till Thursday so I can ask my teacher on how to lengthen a skirt. Sigh. I read a book on it except it's quite confusing. Maybe I'll just wear it short or add another skirt underneath. So ma fan.


I flipped through the August Vogue which was extremely boring except for the Chloe and Miu Miu ads. It was supposed to be the 'Age Issue' where they celebrated old supermodels and 'gracefully aging' celebrities and yet they had at least two articles on how to get your varicose veins zapped and how to have amazing feet when you're 40 via Botox and how you can now 'select' which wrinkles you want to keep or take away.
And by the time I flipped to the last page of a horribly over-embellished Louis Vuitton bag, I was disgusted. Vogue has distributes more than 1.8 million copies a year read by tweens and grandmothers alike. It sticks the Canadian Linda Evangelista and features other 30 to 40 year old women in their issue encouraging females to be happy with what we've become as the years go by yet also slaps on articles that pressures you to remember to dye your hair when you see a few grey strands, go for lavish pedicures when your feet are cracked and calloused, zap the life out of every vein that emerges after your baby is born, inflate and conceal every wrinkle that doesn't appeal to you and whiten your teeth till you blind the people around you (these were all the articles written in this issue- I'm just listing them). And what Vogue is telling every relatively young female out there is that aging is beautiful as long as you look timeless which they seem to equate as being young. Seriously. And it leaves me feeling disgusted (there's no other word to describe it) yet ever so slightly self conscious.


On the topic of aging, my mom told me this funny story the other day. She is a sunday school teacher at RHCCC and handles the grade one and two kids. A girl told her that she was going to be a flower girl at someones wedding and that it would be her third time as one. My mom said that she had always wanted to be a flower girl when she was young. The boy sitting next to the little girl chimed in,
"You have too many wrinkles to be a flower girl."


OUCH. Lol. My mom retorted, "I said when I was younger Gabriel!"
The little guy, the expert on dermatology then proceeded to advise my mom to not put cream or anything on her face. My mom's reply was that her face would fall off if she didn't.
The boy was left speechless.
Oh kids. They can be so blunt and politically incorrect. And how did that guy ever learn about wrinkles at such a young age.

I Can't Think of a Title.

Monday:
-Sam woke up to go to eye doctor
-Picked up Robyn and ate at Tim Hortons- her second breakfast of the day which consisted of a donut and a carton of milk
-Then went to Bayview Village and and bought my mom $160 shoes at Davids. I brought one of the Value Village Salvatore Ferragamo red shoes to the store and told them this particular shoe was too big for my mom and the guy said it was a great quality classic and the new version retails at $360. He then gave us a free pair of insoles and 'ripped' out the sole and stuffed that padding in. Yay.
-Went to church to wait for dad to 'take a look at the expansion site' at RHCCC.
-Went to McD's to eat lunch and ended up giving mom the present because exchanges only within seven days of purchase (dumb).
-Went home and dealt with a ton of Parsons financial aid stuff and tax forms.
-Had photoshoot.
-Driving lesson on highway (For left turns: look left, left blindspot, look right, look left again. For right turns: look left, look right, right blindspot, left again. I can't look at so many things while turning. I just started flailing my head everywhere and started edging into the wrong lane).
-Had dinner at home and Robyn was still there because I had her cell phone hostage.
-Went to Walmart and got another pattern
-Kenny's. Dessert. (my mom just came in to lecture me about self control)


So today was a full day. When I wasn't taking pictures, I was eating. Hahaha.. seriously. Or driving.


Anyway I had Robyn as my model today and Grace did her make up (which you can see progressively fading as the day went on). I made her climb a six foot tree in her prom dress. HAHAHA. My parents were scared and Robyn was scared when she got up the tree via a tall wooden ladder I brought with me in the SUV. And she had to change in the car which was pretty funny. We did some pretty cool shots with a hula hoop, her Bunny and a few tennis balls. There was a dad and his daughter playing tennis and the dad was really verbally abusive.
We had some pretty good laughs though- funny shots of Robyn jumping in the air, trying to get some good air time shots and Grace trying to blow bubbles in the direction of Robyn but the wind decided to do the exact opposite and blow all the bubbles into the precious lens of my camera.

I'm finding fashion photography to be extremely fascinating but difficult as well. While portraiture focuses on making the person look 'nice' and it's very still and 'rigid' and sports photography is more about knowing the sport and knowing when to take the perfect shot (and not being afraid of getting hit whilst on the job), fashion photography focuses more on the exaggeration of the body, movement and the dynamic relationship between model and clothing. If you think getting a jump shot is easy, think again. In order to get a perfect shot of someone jumping in the air, the dress has to 'float' and 'fly' properly while the model cannot scrunch her face up, the hair can't get in the way nor the jewelry and each body part must be perfectly positioned right down to the fingertips. Not to mention the perfect angle, depth, composition, lighting etc.
Lighting I find is what sets one photograph from another. If you look at different advertisements you'll see one photograph with hazy diffused lighting and another with a black background and dramatic high contrast lighting (like many basketball ads with a player standing in the middle glaring at you). It sets the mood and the overall feel. It shapes perspective and how you see the object in a-well- different light (no pun intended).
Maybe it's difficult because I'm not a professional and have had no previous photography training. I'm just applying my fine art skills to create decent compositions. I've also noticed that you understand how confident a person is when a camera is stuck right in front of her face. I, the photographer, see the tiniest twitches to the tensing of muscles. And often I have to remind the person to relax their face because you'll see the knitting of the brows or the tense mouth. Fashion photography feels extremely awkward because everything is dramatized by weird and wacked poses and limbs must be stretched out in every direction to create a really great photo. It doesn't feel good but it looks awesome.
My next goal is to do group shots which are even more difficult because you have to be aware of the positions and gestures of each person and how they flow together to create a unifying composition.


I don't like telling people I'm going to be studying fashion design and sustainability. It's nice when people say they'd buy my clothes and all that stuff, but I really do not know much about the business or anything about it and I'm afraid of disappointing people. I've been reading a few articles and I dislike the fact that the media has much to do about how successful a designer is despite talent. If Anna Wintour, the most powerful fashion editor (Vogue), likes you OR your stuff, you'll be sure to get lots of the limelight. But if she doesn't, suck it up, you gotta make some pretty darn good stuff. That turns me off from the design aspect. But being a photographer means standing in a mosh pit of other photographers at the end of a runway all trying to get a great shot. And the fashion journalists must follow closely what the designers are doing and analyze it. And the designers must rely on media to get their stuff out. It's a power cycle.
So maybe fashion photography is for me but I like the art direction aspect too and I like writing but I'd like to give designing a shot.
-Art Director
-Fashion Photographer
-Fashion Designer
-Fashion Journalism
If one doesn't go well, I'm going to explore the next. I'm trying to examine what I love doing leisurely which seems to be more photography than the design aspect. Perhaps I wasn't built to design but make other people's designs look extraordinary in print. I think photos really make or break a piece of work.


Okay I know what Pastor Francis said the other day about going out and making friends with other church people and not sitting alone crying "I have no friends. I am so lonely." seemed very directed to me and as I sat there and squirmed because I knew some or someone would think of me. That's the negative side of personal blogging- people know your faults and when they're brought up in some indirect way they think of you.
I'm extremly passive when it comes to making church friends. I don't initiate anything- well I did before. I used to love going to Bethel and looked forward to it every Friday and going to CD Team. But I've realized Fridays and Sundays aren't enough to establish really great friendships at church. And if you've moved from church to church you get disheartened and don't really want to try anymore. So you just sit and watch and hope someone would talk to you or initiate something.
Sometimes when people initiate or try, it can be the best thing ever.
On Sunday I went inside and said hello to Pui Wing when he suddenly asked me about New York and school and what I thought of it. I spoke to him for a good ten minutes before Auntie Jo came and took over the conversation. It was nice though.
And I got to see Ruby which was great- in UHs I never really talked to her that much but now since we're all in university, it was interesting to see what everyone's been up to. I admire the fact that she wants to go into industrial design to create medical equipment- something that takes much research and being able to think in the shoes of the patient and medical team. I think that's extremely difficult after doing 3D design and listening to lectures of established graphic and product designers at Parsons. Very cool though. She gets much respect from me. :P
Anyway off on a tangent- I would not have attended any games if Andrew initially did not invite me to the practices. I think I feel more comfortable with the younger kids in some aspects- they're really dorky in a positive aspect. They don't try to look cool and all that and it makes me feel comfortable. I feel really awkward, uptight and tense around the university/college group. I'm not talented at taking sports photos like that professional softball photographer but I do really love taking pictures of the players on the stands because it captures the spirit of the team.
Yes there was no point to what I just said.


When people ask what I've been doing this entire summer- my mind seems to go blank. I didn't really do anything that stood out. I went to Quebec, hung out with friends, took photos, did this and did a little that. But all my days are filled. That's the advantage of being an art nerd- when you're bored you indulge in your creative whims which you never got to express back at school.


I really dislike it when girls seek affirmation from other girls or within their male counterparts. It's annoying and the reason I hate it is because I see much of that in myself. I don't want to care what other people think about me. Most of the time I'm not afraid of people judging me via my blog but I am when it comes to judging me through appearance. Not like I'd care if you thought my skirt was horrendous but I fear people making assumptions based on how people dress. Honestly, we all do that. We all have this pre-made idea of what a 'nerd' looks like or what a 'bimbo' looks like or what a 'jock' looks like. Sometimes we see someone who's well dressed, face caked with makeup or whatever and assume that the person isn't really academically smart and only focuses on appearance when she is actually really book smart.
And I just don't want appearances to hinder or allow people to make some false ideas of what I am like. You may say "oh I don't judge people by outer appearance. I like to get to know them before I make any assumptions." Everyone does and no one is exempted. They may be quick and fleeting thoughts, but they're still first impressions. It's hard to explain without sounding really self centred and without saying the f-word.
Hhaha I meant 'fashion'. I'm tired of writing it down and I'm sure everyone else is tired of hearing it. Now why do I even care if you're tired of it in the first place if I said I didn't care what people thought about what I wrote. I'm just trying to be considerate. :S


I think I overthink.

Beautiful You.

You just had to be there. My cousin and I went to Summerlicious on Eglinton today to a Japanese place called Edo (I have some yummy pictures. :P) and when we got off the subway we were swept away (at least I was) by this beautiful sunset. It was absolutely breathtaking.

I'm afraid.

I saw '16 Blocks' with my parents- we rented it. I'd give it 4/5 stars. It was pretty good I must say and it's even got an alternate ending which in my books, is always a plus. I liked the movie. It was a good thriller.


So my day (I used to say I never blog about my day because it seems mundane but I'd rather blog about ideas and stuff when I'm fully awake lest I ramble and make an utterly complete fool of myself) consisted of shopping (duh why are you surprised?) and tennis (a weekly routine now thanks to my best friend).
Today I took Markville by storm with my dear cousin, Robyn who was in need of leggings. Her shopping list when she initially told me the night before consisted of leggings but by the time she got into the car this afternoon, it had expanded to leggings, a shirt for silkscreening and a tank top to wear under a worship team shirt that Joyce was putting together for retreat. We ended up getting none of the stuff after going into AE and H&M but she emerged with a bright orange skirt (which I personally love because saturated colours are the best) and a hairband. She did, however, get the leggings at Old Navy and a tank top. No shirt though- that job was passed onto Sam Hui.
I, on the otherhand, just examined all the things I liked and will try to get my sewing up to par and make my own stuff. I purchased a pattern at Walmart for $6 which includes two jumper dresses, two blouses, dress pants, a scarf (random) and a simple jacket. The silly thing is is that by the time I figure out the pattern, buy the material, spend hours on the machine and have a sloppily made piece of 'clothing' done- I'd probably have spent more money, time and effort than if I bought it at a store. The dress I posted- that grey one- retailed at $285 US so I guess I'd save money though my pattern is not exactly the same. I am hoping that my teacher can teach me how to customize patterns.
Playing tennis with Tania was frustrating. Not because of her but because the court surface was really crappy- asphalt. The ball never hit that sweet spot on my racket and I never got to hear that oh so satisfying 'ping!'. It just went 'thud'. Dull and discouraging. I later found out that they're really bad courts to play on in the first place, according to my dad. Other than that, the weather was really nice for tennis and Tania has improved while I remain a slump.
Sigh. Is it really the end of July. This is unbelievable. I'm really really scared. The thought of going back to New York is a heavy weight upon me. I don't want to go back. New York= school=work= dark apartment. I am grateful that I got that apartment but it's really dark in there and I'm scared I'll psychologically suffer because I love natural light (how am I gonna take good pictures in this crappy dim lighting of my studio apartment). I'm also scared that I'll clash with my roommate. This may be my second year but I feel like there is nothing to look forward to when I get there. When I come back to Toronto I think of being able to make towards the exit where the first few faces I see are my parents waving and smiling as I push my luggage down the ramp. And then I get to see my cousins and grandparents and all my friends. Toronto is just a familiar place- same old streets with the same old stores. It's peaceful. And I live in a large house with LOTS of natural light with my own room.
When I return to Toronto I always look forward to that moment when I see my parents at the exit to hug me and to greet me and to drive me home. Every time I come home, that first moment when I walk into my room has a huge impact on me. Why? Because as soon as you walk into an intimate space, you feel an overwhelming rush of memories that just hit you. My bedroom how it was as I had left it March 2006 and now May 2006. It's been preserved perfectly as I had left it.
I remember May 23rd oh so clearly. I woke up to my alarm, excitedly dressed and cleaned up and made sure I had all the stuff I needed to ensure a smooth transition from taxi to plane to Toronto. I relished looking over the landscape as we hovered over Toronto- it was beautiful. When I got home to wait for Andrew, I took a walk and felt this overwhelming sense of joy. I didn't have to worry about anything, I had just arrived back home, I just started my holiday- the summer was new and young. Full of mystery, hope and excitement.
And now it's almost the end of July. And I fear.
When I go back to New York there won't be any welcoming faces. I will pick up my luggage and hail a taxi and go back to the apartment. And I will walk into that apartment as I had left it on May 23, 2006 perfectly preserved as if it was the day that I had left on all over again. Except school is going to start.
I'm so frightened.
And I've started crying. I don't think it's a good idea for me to write so late at night. I get too caught up and emotional.
I can't simply hop on the Greyhound and go home. I can't pick up Chinese groceries and homecooked meals from my mom to bring back to my apartment. I can't escape from my roommate when I need space by simply returning to my bedroom in Toronto. I can't return to the same familiar church every Sunday. I don't have the luxury of having old high school friends around me.
I've always 'envied' those who have Christian friends in their university which they had known during high school or through friends. Grace's roommates are all Christian and they know Sam and Sam knows etc etc.
But this year Robyn will also be in New York as well as Julia who will be going to dance school half an hour away from Manhattan in White Plains, NY.
I think when I establish some solid friendships in New York, I will be happy and less afraid. Really what I dread about going back is that I won't have that nice, cozy coccoon of family and friends.
I should be grateful for being in New York and having my 'own' apartment. I should, and I am but I feel heavily burdened.


I know when I get back, I will fall back into the rhythm of things and things won't seem so bad. I hope that a few months down the road that this entry will be a testament to God's faithfulness; that I'd look back and realize how good God is and how He always will be.

Superficial Stuff

Whoohoo! I have conquered my fear over that darned sewing machine. Well today at my sewing class I didn't get the chance to even use my machine because I was too busy cutting the fabric pattern and then we had to watch our teacher do this and that so two hours passed by really quickly. Prior to my class I was fiddling around with my machine trying to get familiar with all the gadgetry. Well I remember little bits here and there from gr 6 which helped a lot actually except the manual for the machine really sucked and didn't explain the details which I really needed. So when I came back home I decided to give it a shot and sew my pant legs together (we're making pj pants with elastic band waist or drawstring). Ugh my finishing is terrible. Hahaha.. the seam ripper was my best friend today. I got a good laugh out of it though. Here comes Sam, couture seamstress. Haha.. Anyway I decided to sew both pant legs together so now I have a pair of enormous pj pants. I should not have lengthened my pattern because it's trailing on the floor and it looks like massive. It's a dress on my mom- really funny.
Anyway I'm really happy because I was the only one who used that shiny polyester which is extremely slippery and difficult to use (the teacher kept exempting me from every instruction because I had to do extra work. Before sewing with the machine I had to do 'baste sewing' which is a common practice among tailors- now you know why custom made clothes are so expensive. Baste sewing is basically when you do a lot of loose stitching around the area you want to sew together to hold the pieces lightly together so when you use the machine, you don't have to worry about the fabric shifting. And then after using the machine, you have to pull them all out. NO ONE had to do that except for me. Yay for me...). Yeah so now I'm done and all I have to do is sew the elastic in and hem the ends- at least that's what I think there is left to do.
Which now leaves me dreaming of what to make next... and I'm really ahead of myself. I wanted to make a small jacket with a Peter Pan collar except it's probably really difficult dealing with thick fabrics and linings and more pieces etc. So I've got a plan which gets progressively more difficult:


1) Make pj pants (almost finished)
2) Make a skirt
3) Make a dress
4)Make a jacket


But at this rate I'll probably have to sign up for some private lessons at a Newmarket sewing studio. Two hours a week isn't enough and I have to share the teacher with nine other people and I'm eager to learn more so I can expand my wardrobe. Jking.
Well I was browing around when I saw this:

The problem with following ready made patterns right now is that the clothes look like anything you'd typically see at a Garage or Costa Blanca. I want to buy basic patterns and alter them to satisfy that creative crave I have to personalize things. I'm trying to find a dress pattern like the picture above. It's basically a long skirt with two strips of fabric on top really. So I'm wondering if I got a skirt pattern, would it do double duty as a dress pattern as well?



I was in the car with my parents when my mom asked me if I had looked at the Fashion section from the Star today which wrote about the new August issue of Vogue. Haha. Yes I wrote about that yesterday, mother. She once mentioned that she liked this huge white wedding gown from a picture with the designer of Rochas, Olivier Theyskens (the dress above is from Rochas), and I told her that the French house just announced it was going to close down. Why? Because it was owned by Proctor and Gamble (funny isn't it. We don't associate high fashion with P&G). Now why wouldn't LVMH (Louis Vuitton) or the Prada or Gucci team take in Rochas and support this budding designer? Doesn't make sense. So the now orphaned Olivier Theyksens, full of talent but no supporting house, will be left as a- free agent. Yes, kids. An unrestricted free agent. Meanwhile, Phoebe Philo, a key player within the company who transformed my beloved Chloe brand, has left the house for Chanel and becoming the right hand woman of Karl Lagerfeld the legendary designer for Chanel. So with no head designer at Chloe, their fall collection really sucked due to the work of three random people within the company- they tried to mix in huge slouchy overalls with grey tones (the colour of fall this year) and added some Marc Jacobs layering and tried to keep some of its summer wardrobe by adding a few Victorian blouses here and there. That's what you get in a democratic society of a designer-less house who passes the ball too much and lacks a star. A lot of junk:

Yuck. So with Phoebe Philo at the house of Chanel, there is also the speculation that she will be the next successor of the house after Lagerfeld leaves. Oscar de la Renta is also head designer-less so which team will take up Olivier Theyskens? Huge potential and lots of creativity, I'm thinking he's more suitable for de la Renta because his work is generally more lavish and red carpet than Chloe which is more (or was) cutting edge and for the younger crowd.

After I finished talking, I realized that I basically sounded like Tania talking about basketball minus all the b ball jargon.

I'm really annoyed at Canada's Next Top Model. You may think this is an overreaction but it's really annoying because the end was a total letdown (you have to see it to believe it). Producers must seriously think their viewers are stupid to allow the girl to win last night. It made no sense. The Chinese girl, Sisi, took fabulous pictures throughout the entire show and she was kicked out because they had to do a commercial for Cover Girl. Stupid. Models are supposed to model not act. Okay, modelling is sort of like acting but it's in front of a photographer who has a camera which takes STILL frames while a commercial requires a film crew who have video cameras which take MOTION shots. You really do not see top models acting. They stay on the runway because it's their forte. We're looking for a top model which entitles runway and editorial shoots not commercial stuff. Ai yah. And the dumb thing is is that the supposed 'knowledgeable' judges in the show are from the industry. You'd think they'd know what to look for. Andrea, the winner, looks anorexic, eats only candy though, cries way too much, looks sad all the time and cannot walk for the life of it (even tania said she can strut down the runway better than she can. HAHA. That I have to see). And the show they did was less than wow. It was in some convention centre on a carpeted floor like some cheesy high school act.

You know why Sisi lost? I think race is only a minor factor if it was one. It's actually because what the judges are really looking for is not who is the best, but who has improved the most. They want to say "look at what you were from the beginning and look where you are now! We have turned you from a geek to a glamorous model!" like some Cinderella story. Instead, Sisi has been consistent with her pictures and had some experience in the industry and in the end she had 'stalled' and hadn't improved, so they let her go. If they let her win, it'd be as if the show never really contributed in helping her grow except giving her some media attention. It's not about who took the best pictures, it was about who went from 'meh' to wow factor. Which disappoints me because both of the last two models were not the ones I pictured standing there. I will bet you anything that she will not make it anywhere in the 'real world'. At the end of the episode she promised that she wouldn't disappoint the judges and that she'd go far. Haha let's see that.

"WE made this girl who she has become."

Okay I will stop ranting about a superficial tv show. It's just like watching a movie with a great start but a crappy ending

About a month ago my aunt asked me if I was interested in taking this paper craft activity with her at the local community centre because I "like shallow things". I told myself not to take it to heart but I haven't been able to forget either.

Sidenote

I was walking with my mom the other day when she said that she'd buy me some artificial lights for indoor photography as my 19th birthday present. I laughed and asked her if she knew how expensive they were. Plus I'm still without a camera- that is a nice SLR Nikon. I later told my dad and he chortled and told my mom to not say such things unless she knows the price. haha.


Stevie cut his hair! :o Buzz cut- get used to it Tania. ;)

Stupid fashion: a dedicated rant to why I would not want to pursue this passion

Sometimes I get this cold sick feeling when I wonder if this is what I want to do. Correction- if this is what I was created to do. I was surfing a few personal fashion sites (I found a new socially responsible fashion designer! Yay. This guy uses cotton from Uganda: fair trade) and I felt this dread come upon me: the fashion world is really monotonous and there isnt much creativity in the 'Vogue World'. Sometimes I really hate the industry who claims to be all 'artistic' and on the cutting edge of design when it's really not. They all have the same celebrities plastered on their magazines around the same time depending on what movie is hot or whatever. And they're all so airbrushed and the sad thing is is that you can tell and it drives me crazy. There are stupid 'rules' according to the industry on how to dress. Such as:


1) Every girl must have a LBD in their closet (LBD= little black dress).
Why? I don't like black (except when a dress is on sale for $4. :P). I like chocolate brown.
2) You can't wear black and brown together
But one is a neutral and the other isn't even a colour.
3) You can't wear white after Labour Day
I found this one out when I got to know Allie more. I have this fall coat that's a snowy white and was wearing it and she turned around and asked me "Did you know you're not supposed to wear white after Labour Day?". No I didn't. I think white is so pretty and again, it's not a colour.


And yet we pretend that we're the most creative fashion bunch there is out there.
Anyway away with you capitalist, money-driven, American companies who try to dictate what's wrong and right! I have found a far more interesting site that allows me to see what everyone else is wearing on the other side of the ocean (Pacific that is).
When I lived in HK, I disliked anything Asian and thought the Anglo look was far superior. Now being in North America and looking for some inspiration, I found this site that snaps pictures of random pedestrians on the streets of Japan. Very interesting:
http://www.style-arena.jp


I know I've been guilty of this in the past but I really dislike it when girls put down mass produced clothing companies and those who wear those brands. I've always been monitoring a few forums and there are always a group of cocky girls who think they're above their school when it comes to clothes (ex. "Ew I hate girls who think they're so cool when they're walking down the street wearing the same Hollister shirts and Uggs."). They're always putting down people who follow trends, saying that they started off wearing/carrying a certain article of clothing or a bag and then everyone else in their school copied them and calling them low-lifes.
Yikes. And this is when I'm thinking to myself "do I really want to go into this industry.. yessss... NO."
Although I do not like certain brands such as Hollister or A&E and condone those people who wear it, they do make clothes more accessible to the public than designer boutiques who charge several times more for the same product. I just wonder why we find it acceptable (I'm speaking more specifically about people who are interested in this stuff) for someone to be carrying a huge Chanel bag with the huge 'CC' stitched on the front while it is almost a sin for someone to be wearing a tee with the word 'Roxy' splashed across the chest.
I do not, however, like it when people wear those labels for the label. Except I do that too when it comes to thrift shopping.

There has also been this 'discussion' on children clothing stores and how the goods you find there look like the mini version of adult/teen stores. Some say that 8 year old girls look up to teens and thus want to dress like them. It's not wrong. I remember going into Le Chateau and I'd wander around the store and suddenly realize that the clothes are a lot smaller. Then I see a neon sign saying "Le Chateau Kids". The stuff looks exactly the same. If I had a daughter, I do not want her to be wearing a tiny halter top at the age of 8. Abercrombie actually sold children thongs with the words 'wink wink' and 'eye candy' on them. Ai yah.


So anyway, this industry can be so brainless and shallow, I feel I'm getting sucked in with them. Some people call Marc Jacobs a genius and I'm wondering "why can't I see that?" His stuff is okay but it's not like revolutionary. What if this isn't what I want to do and is just a hobby? Lucado wrote that so many people are in the wrong career though they may make tons of money, they hate their job. That's so simplistic though because pain comes along with the pleasure of work. But how long must you endure the 'work' to get up the ladder to where you want to be? Must you enjoy every second of it? For example, I don't enjoy every minute I do art. I've often sat inside my art teacher's studio, bathed in warm sunlight with the smell of freshly baked bread wafting in from the Subway next door and feeling my eyelids slowly drooping down while my pencil is still in midair. That's when I'm thinking, "I'm so bored with this... I want to do something else. I don't want to sit here and draw."
So do I just get up and say "art is not for me. I'm bored." and just leave art and pursue something else? Or do I stay in Parsons and get through all of this and through all these lessons and dislike what I'm doing but hope that it will, in the end, get me into something that I do like? Ah I don't know.
This is so hard.
I realize I don't know myself that very well. It also makes me more aware of how I cannot depend on myself to find answers. I don't expect to do this on my own.


It's difficult to erase what you've grown up understanding. I've been very much suckered into believing that skinny is beautiful when it comes to modelling and how clothes hang. Or that beautiful is a slender nose with luscious lips, flawless skin, high cheekbones and large, wide eyes. I still think that (less of the latter now because they're all starting to look the same). And I'm trying to reformat my brain to think differently. But honestly, it's really really hard when you've been growing up surrounded by Barbie dolls and advertising.
You may not care of what is defined as beautiful according our culture's standards, but try mentally erase something that you've thought all along was right, realized it wasn't, and relearn what is correct.


And I am thoroughly disappointed by Canada's Next Top Model. Crappy winner. She looks extremly awkward and stiff and waaaay to skinny. Sad sad sad if you compare those Canadians at the top of the industry like Linda Evangelista (apparently on the new US Vogue with extremely hideous word/text crampage. Why can't Americans do it like the Italians: just have the picture and the title. Why squeeze and suffocate the life out of a beautiful photo? It makes no sense:

It's as if they didn't trust the photo to do all the speaking. They just had to stick a lot of word 'pukage'/vomit just in case you didn't want to buy the magazine for the cover shot. Word binge. Yuck. On the other hand, the one on the right is stunning. The picture is what you see first, and there is some subtle text in the corner. It allows you to breathe, to engage with the picture and just to take it in. Americans. Sigh. Click on the American one on the left. The text itself sounds absolutely shallow: 'Dress Your Age'- they have those at least twice a year. 'Red is the New black'- that is one of sayings I hate the most because it sounds really silly. Haha these magazines are also popular for having a 'Body Type Issue: how to dress according to your body shape' and last time 'short' was considered 5'6" and under. HAHA. I'm just two inches shy away from being short. I really do think they should take a look at their current staff and hire some more interesting, avant-garde people.


I like being female but there are at three days every month I wish I was a man. It sucks.

mini rant

It's annoying to be chained to your computer/phone, waiting for a call to confirm to another person when you've planned this all along, monitoring the weather conditions like a hound on the tracks of a fox. And then the person doesn't call you back and you have to call that person back to find out they can't make it and then tell the other person you had to schedule with, that it's not happening anymore. WASTE OF TIME.
ARGH.
Now I have to rearrange my schedule.

On a Day Like Today...

YAY!!! TODAY SAM BOUGHT HER SEWING MACHINE!
It was originally priced at $588 and marked down to $299. Whoohoo. I'm in business. We went to this family run store called 'Evelyn's' to purchase it- a store where my friend's mom used to work at and she gave me advice and tips when I called her last night. Evelyn herself spoke to me and gave me a run through of the machine and showed me examples and you even get free lessons to learn how to maintain it, use it and clean it properly. That's really cool. Now let's see if I can operate it.


After that we went to Vaughan Mills to exchange my dad's Lacoste shirt (he doesn't listen to me- I told him to call to see if the stock had arrived yet so we didn't have to make a trip for nothing) but they said the stock was just trickling in and wouldn't be on shelves until later this week. He then laments that this was the trip that wasted our precious gas- and I told him that I said to call them beforehand. He just wanted to see the merch himself. Ai yah. Men are so stubborn- it drives me insane.
We did however, go to this really nice Japanese restaurant with teppanyaki and it's got really great interiors inside- it's all black and white with minimalist features and really cool New Yorker tones to it. I love it. Well at the end, the manager came up to us and asked us how the food was and said to me that he knew me and that we went to the same church "RHCBC". I said "oh yeah.... I'm auntie jo and uncle terry's niece" And he was like "oh really? I'm from the chinese congregation. I'll give you 10% off your meal." Sweet.
His name is Frankie. Does that ring a bell? I don't know him nor do I really remember him at all. I was studying his face so I could say hi if I saw him at church but the image has faded already. I suck with faces though I'm a visual person.
I also wanted to get a better banking account so we proceeded to go to HSBC to get a checking and savings account for me and my interest rate is now at 3.5% as opposed to -1%. :P
Anyway we then went to Bouclair/Winners/Mark's Warehouse so I could get some more vogue patterns for 99 cents. Alas the sale ended and all the patterns had disappeared. boo..... Then the entire family went up to pick up my darling brother from camp and then went to a really sticky Tim Hortons for snack (yay ice caps). I drove to Winners after to return the belt I bought my cousin who said it was too big and used that $12 at Value Village. HAHA. Sorry, I'm addicted, what can I say? If anyone is getting me anything anytime soon, get me a Value Village gift card. I ended up getting with $12 a massive industrial spool of chocolate brown ribbon (118 yards to be exact), a 22k gold orchid brooch and a fuchsia dress for $7.99. Haha. I love secondhand stuff. I remember when I got my 50's dress for prom, my mom's best friend's first reaction was "does that mean someone died in it?!?!!?" No not exactly. I doubt the person passed away in a constricting blue tulle gown. ;). I think it spooks Chinese people to think that the used clothes that they own were from the deceased. But I love it.
After dinner my parents and I went to Indigo to see what good photography books and sewing magazines there were. Nothing really interesting disappointingly enough.

A Good Weekend & My Mini Fashion Essay

I had a great weekend.
I love this picture. I took it while we were being seated in a gorgeous restaurant- it was at the back of the bar and I love the complementary colours of the orange and blue reflected and highlighted in the glasses. The linearity of the architecture is broken up by the fluidity of the glasses which distort the black lines. That's my art blurb for the day. :P


I have this tradition with my cousins who live in Oakville, where I'd stay overnight at their place once during the summer. And we do the following activities:
-Go to Oakville downtown and waterfront
-Go to Moxie's at Square One and shop
-Watch a movie/ rent a dvd
-Eat big


Of course all of these can't be done within a course of two days so this year we rented The Libertines- a Johnny Depp movie. It was quite-er- interesting and disturbing. A lot of sex scenes which were really random and a disfigured Johnny Depp who has some flesh and gut eating disease. Haha.
Well the highlight of the sleepover was when we went to this just opened restaurant called 'Spencers at the Water' which overlooks Lake Ontario. It's just beautiful and the architecture is stunning. It's all glass with wood ceilings and this awesome wooden door that opens on a pivot.
Anyway we sat inside since the patio was full. We were initially just going to see the menu but got sucked in by the hostesses (we saw the prices on this review was $20-$60 so we were concerned). But I decided to share a pizza with Jen so we could splurge on dessert. It was funny because most of the people there were lingering and ordering martini after martini. Our waitress was surprised when we ordered five desserts (out of seven) per person rather than sharing. She was quite amused by the fact we stressed over the sweets rather than the entrees themselves.
Jen: Cappucino ice cream profiteroles with milk chocolate
Viv: Strawberry shortcake (cookie) with ORGANIC vanilla ice cream
Auntie Annie: Apple creme brulee with lavender
Jon: Sticky toffee pudding
Me: Passion fruit cheesecake with white chocolate and coconut froth cream.


Omg there were so many photo opts. I took millions of pictures of the interiors, exterior architecture and the desserts. They were gorgeous:

Yeah I went camera crazy there. There was a pool below the restaurant where kids were wading in and men were playing with remote control sailboats. It was nice. Everything was very transparent, clear and seamless.

Anyway I saw 'The Devil Wears Prada' again today with my cousins and aunt who had never seen it but love Meryl Streep (and the boyfriend is really cute). They really enjoyed it too- I think the best part was the very end- oh the schizophrenia.

I was thinking the other day and during the movie but now I've seem to forgotten most of it- how fleeting good thoughts are:

The Chloe Paddington sent a tsunami over the world of fashion with it's over-the-top gold padlock and key. If you go to First Markham Place or Pacific Mall, you will see countless renditions of such a bag. Floaty summer frocks were donned paired with elongated wedge shoes to ground these gravity defying gowns. Every girl now has a pair of leggings be it turquoise or teal or fuschia or canary yellow. But what happens when tights become 'out'? Women all around will put them quietly away in their wardrobe lest some fellow fashionista spreads rumours about how 'unfashionable' she is. We pick up the latest Vogue: "Dresses of the Season! Killer Heels! The Latest in Couture!" and we sigh, knowing that we'll quickly have to catch up with what fashion dictates is in the next 'It' thing, afraid of being 'left out'. We are tired of catching up, pursuing what the magazines say is trendy but we can't help desiring what everyone else is coveting. We consume and go through trends quickly in the pursuit of what? This year the Fendi Spy bag next the Balenciaga so-and-so or the Dior this-and-that. The lace tops at Chloe set all mass production stores afire in order to recreate that innocent, wide-eyed girl-look. Belts are in this year to proclaim that long forgotten indent that women have and men don't, and next thing you know it, they'll be deigned the 'untrendiest' item of the season. Scrapped and discarded, they'll sit littered in the back of our closets until twenty years later when they'll reemerge become in again. Sweater dresses will be in this fall as well as plaid and balloon skirts. And then we'll quickly discard these trends when next spring arrives in search for the next 'It' thing. We dress and adorn ourselves in silks to polyester, drape our necks and ears with diamonds to costume jewelry and we follow trends like hungry wolves looking for the next rabbit to devour. And all in the pursuit of what? Why do designers- who deign themselves 'the artists and the influencers of the fashion realm' continue to follow trends themselves and end up having different versions of the basic plaid skirt but in the end- still a plaid skirt? Couture dresses start at a mere $50,000 to unspeakable amounts of money. We look at the woman- this year it'll be a form fitting pencil skirt and blouse, next year a sheath dress to cover the entire body, and the next a billowing shirt with a lean skirt and the next a flaired denim jean with a tight top etc etc.

Despite what fashion dictates and its madness to keep up with the latest trend(s)- it always comes back to one thing and one thing only: its ceaseless appetite to reinvent and pursue the definition of the female form. We drape, dress, swathe, cut, crinkle, ruche and hem the clothes to find and enhance the beauty of Eve's body. We are fascinated by its structure and how we can make it look different every season. What was splashed on the front of Vogue- that floaty skirt with hand-embroidered crystals in a midnight blue which was oohed and aahed at by fashionistas globally will be admired for some shortlived time, which will soon be labeled ("oh she's wearing that skirt. Everyone knows who made that". There is a certain snobbery when it comes to identification of clothing), then scoffed at and finally discarded for another skirt but this time in a tulip shape in white silk with pleated detail (because we are all sick of the 'bell' shape- we are now drawn to how the tulip shape exaggerates the hips rather than downplay them like the bell one does. It is also more structured and defined rather than romantic and floaty).

Yes though fashion and its followers are cruel and always fastpaced, we will forever be captivated by the nature of the human anatomy. If trends come and go, they are centered around finding the definition of beauty- which is absolutely wonderful. Trends are called 'trends' because they are ceaselessly trying to find 'The Perfect Beauty' which obviously, does not exist. Trends and fads prove that 'The Perfect Beauty' is not real by reveling and admiring the belted hourglass shape then switching to the boho Olsen twins- ratty layer-upon-layer look. Though they are usually seen as rutheless and relentless in forcing consumers to take upon another look, it is always searching to define and perfect its definition of beauty. And how easily it forgets that it cannot be found in the trends passed- twenty years from now, boho will be in again and we will all take out the peasant skirts from our closets that are now scoffed and looked down upon and wear them as if they were the new 'in' thing.

But in the end, fashion is fascinated by the glorious design of the woman's body- much more so than men. Designers design and create art and decorate what is already and will always be- art. But the things that dress the Original Art are easily disposed of with time and a new idea/concept/piece of clothing is erected and draped upon the sculptural form. Classic and timeless is God's creation of Adam and Eve, while we circle in a mad frenzy to find something suitable and fitting for such masterpieces.

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Hey that wasn't a bad mini essay, Sam. You can think otherwise. That's as deep as I can get. My apologies if it's nothing CS Lewis worthy.

Sidewalk Sale

Yeah... the shopping posts seem to be endless so I'll try not to kill anyone. For all my female friends, if you're interested in some old clothes that I'm planning on giving to Value Village, scroll down and read the lower portion of this entry.
This was my sched today:
-Eye doc appointment
-Waited at grandparent's house while mom swam and had lunch
-Bayview Village with mom
-Promenade with Lois and Tania
-Dinner at home
-Sewing class


Haha. Well all the malls are having major mid summer sales and sidewalk sales (stores place discounted items right outside for people to peruse). I've never really bought anything at these sales due to the crazy female shoppers who act like some kind of militia when it comes to finding a bargain (I saw some drag their boyfriends- felt sorry for them- the guys I mean. haha) and because there was nothing that really appealed to me. But I decided to pick and choose some spots to hit and being more on the expensive side, Bayview Village seemed like a good zone to start at.
Except finding a parking spot was like finding a spot at FMP at lunch hour on Saturdays.
Omg it was insane. My mom was quite annoyed by the time we got in because some guy yelled at her for having her car in the 'middle' of the road (in fact a car already passed by fine- the guy just had sucky driving skills).
And guess who emerged with a ton of bags after our 1.5 hour shopping spree?


My mom.
I bet you guessed me. Anyway, I managed to persuade her to get a pair of brown dress pants ($140) at Talbots, a white summer purse from Nine West ($90) and a white linen blazer from Banana Republic ($100). The first two weren't even on sale- the blazer was a great deal- $300 initially and was dropped $200 down. Dude, who is gonna buy a $300 blazer. It looks great on her. Initially she wanted to get it for me but I didn't love it that much to allow my mom to spend $100 on a blazer. My mom said that if dad asked what happened to his Visa account that she'd blame it on me for persuading her to get the items. -_-. She hardly ever shops though except Eddie Bauer online. She usually just looks at clothes in Talbots wistfully and it kills me because she doesn't buy a single thing but she has this look on her face.... a mixture of disappointment, desire and iono. The only word I can describe it is 'wistful'. But that was quite a ton in one day.
We were at Browns (upscale shoe store) and I saw the Marc Jacobs ballet flat that I've wanted was marked down from $399 to $299. Yeah still too expensive but really pretty to look at. My mom found a pair of brown ballet flats that she liked and they're $140 and a white blouse from Talbots about $130. So this is where my skill becomes handy: her birthday is coming up so I'm recording all that she is and I'll ask my dad to split the cost with me and buy her one or the other. :) We returned to Nine West to see whether my mom wanted to get the purse or not and she was hesistant at first so I offered to buy it for her as an early birthday present but she said it was too much money for me. And I said "yeah..." HAHAHA. My dad's Lacoste polo is the equivalent of me getting a good 25-30 items from Value Village.


After that ordeal, I rushed to Promenade mall to meet up with the Loiser and Tania which was really quiet compared to Bayview. I feel sorry for Lois who found this blazer that complimented her so well but then a sales clerk said it was hers and that it was mistakingly stuck there. BOOO. But Lois makes me laugh all the time- her manner and how she talks and acts without a care in the world. She's so cute.
Overall I emerged extremely victorious and bought items from stores I never used to shop at. One was Mendocino- the overpriced store which USED to have spectacular window displays (they once did a Klimt inspired one with gold chain dripping down and huge skirts with Klimt paintings and it was just astounding. Wish I took a picture of it now). All their clothes are super expensive ($500 summer dress). But as we approached the racks outside, I zeroed in on this two tier green skirt, tried it on and bought it. The original price was $195 marked down to $35. How could I pass a $160 discounted skirt?
And then there was Banana Republic where I found a pair of $19 earrings and while my mom was lining up to pay for her blazer I asked her if "she cared to place my item within the same bill" and she asked me why I didn't just ask her to buy it for me. Haha. I like to keep things creative. ;)
Then there was Urban Behaviour- a really young teen oriented store which I've never shopped at either. Today almost everything was marked down 70%. I ended up with a white cropped blazer and a black wrap dress. I was anticipating and bracing myself for the total amount of my purchase.
"$11.45 please"
WHAT??!?!
So my dress was $4 and my blazer was $7. HAHAHA. I thought they had typed in the codes wrong or just missed an item but I looked at my receipt and it was all correct. Omg. That's amazing. That was the highlight of my day. It was like shopping at Value Village with never used items.


Yeah and sewing was fun- all the girls are really nice and we all help each other. A girl brought in her old sewing machien for me so if I wanted to keep it, I could get it fixed and use it. Ends up it's too old for a beginner because it didn't come with a manual but if you know how to operate it- it's amazing apparently. So I'll give it back to her next week and buy my own. It was a really nice gesture though. I learned how to read and cut patterns today (so difficult) and then learned how to cut fabric straight. You usually rip the fabric and it rips into a straight line but my polyester couldn't do that so in order to find a straight line- guess what we had to do. Cut into the fabric and then pull a couple of threads- keep pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling.... until a line comes out through the entire width of the fabric. IT DROVE ME INSANE. Imagine sitting there pulling at a piece of thread. And it rips. ARGH. Plus I had to learn how to lengthen my pattern because I'm tall- had to lengthen it by 5 inches. Oh yeah, store sizes are never correct. I'm a size 14 according to the pattern. Some girl laughed when I announced it and said it was such a "blow to the ego". Hahaha.. Oh well. So I'm a size 14 technically speaking. Ai yah. Learning all this stuff is a little hard just because I've never done this before and I'm trying to remember everything she says and do it perfectly. I hope I get a hang of this. It's too bad we don't have Home Ech anymore- I did in HK. It's a really useful skill to have to learn how to sew. You can hem and lengthen your own pants, know how to treat different fabrics, make your own clothes and basically save a ton of money.


Oh yeah, another highlight of today was when I was browsing the discounted merch outside Mendochino and one of the salesclerk who was monitoring the stuff said she liked my belt and asked me where I got it. I said 'Value Village' and she saw the tiny 'YSL' on the front and said "Wow Yves Saint Laurent- you're a lucky girl".
Yes I am.
And Tania rolls her eyes at me and sighs.
My mom who overheard asked me how the girl knew and I pointed to the little gold letters. Lol. My mom is so funny.
While walking back to our car (we detoured at Nine West to get the bag first) after I tried on the skirt and bought it she said to me, "You know there are a lot of clothes you usually pick out and I think 'yuck' and then after you try it on they actually look quite nice."
Really? Why thank you mother.



Sam's Sidewalk Sale


So of course with all the stuff that's coming into my closet, I must give away some stuff..... to make more room for new things that is! Joking but not really. So tonight I pulled out all the stuff I haven't worn in a while and tried on everything. Have you heard of a Clothing Swap Party? I've read it in several newspapers and magazines and it's basically a group of ten women (presumably) who bring about 10-20 quality items that they no longer wear and they just swap, hang out, eat and chill. After everyone is satisfied with their semi new items they donate the rest to charity or the Salvation Army. Plus if you give an item to your friend, you can always borrow it from her if the occasion ever rose. I thought that was a great idea but I don't have people to ask. Haha.
So I've come up with another idea.
Because I'd rather see friends/family with my old clothes, I'm going to photograph every item I was initially going to give Value Village and offer it up to anyone to take it from me before I send it to the thrift store. The pile is about a metre high so it'll take a while before I can get everything up. I initially was going to post every picture on blogger but I think it'll crash on me if I do so perhaps I'll just create an album or something. A lot of the stuff is from previous seasons and I'd like to give them new owners. Actually most of the stuff is pre-New York- all casual stuff that I no longer wear like sweaters, and a TON of pants (I was modelling everything to my mom to get her opinion and she couldn't believe how many pairs I have). I don't know if anyone would want this stuff but one person's trash is another person's treasure and I'd like to see these clothes hanging on some bodies again. There's one discretion: if you see an item that you gave me as a present years before, don't take it personally, I'd rather see someone wear it and put it to good use than have it sitting in my closet. I really do appreciate gesture and thought over the actual item.
Yeah so I want all this stuff out of my room.

This is sad. My closet still looks really full. Blame it on Value Village.


Ridiculously beautiful... :)

Dior and Dreams

On the top:

Gold Vintage Rope Logo Brooch (http://www.designertrend.com/Gold_Vintage_Rope_Logo_Brooch.html)
This is a gorgeous large signature Christian Dior brooch comprised of a gold toned metal rope. The brooch itself is the word DIOR with a rhinestone for the dot on the "i". The back has the Christian Dior oval signature plaque. A stunning addition to any chic wardrobe. $160

On the bottom:

My Christian Dior brooch from Value Village. $3.99

Dude I could sell my Value Village one and make a $156+ (US) profit!

I had a dream the other night that we were at retreat and there was a semi formal dance where the girls were all dressed up in 50's party frocks and slinky halter dresses (I was in some blue sequined dress by Stella McCartney that was worn by Scarlett Johansson. Iono why I remember that). But there was a range for guys from suits to black sweaters and dress pants. And we were in this dance room with mirrors and were asked to find a partner to slow dance with. At first I just sat there but soon everyone got up and started mingling and asking each other. I panicked because Angie was picked and so were others. Then I became really scared that I'd be left alone with someone I didn't know or some geeky weird kid. And then I woke up.

It reminds me of when we used to get pick our own teams for gym and I always got picked last.

Welcome to my Closet.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining


As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away


I heard this song on Becca's site and was really touched by the lyrics. Many times throughout life I've always expected God to alleviate me from whatever is troubling me at the time. But this song reminds me that sometimes instead of taking the burden away, He makes us go through it. We pray 'God take this away please please please' and He says in return "Nuh uh. I'm going to show you how strong you can be through Me." So will we stay or will we run from Him telling ourselves that He lied to us. I think this is where many Christian friends that I've known have fallen believing that God had abandoned or held out on them. It also reminds me that though God is the Giver and blesses us with an abundant life, a loving family, a large closet, a beautiful house with a well stocked fridge and a great group of friends yet in giving these things to us, we are reminded that He can also take all these things away. It's a great humility check.









I like being myself. For the longest time I've been in denial of self interest but now I've been riddling my posts with fashion-related topics. When the Toronto Star fashion section came out every Thursday I used to wait until no one was looking and then sneaked it into my room and hid it under my bed and read it behind closed doors. I'd cut out the articles or pictures I liked and then tucked it into the recycling bin in the garage so my parents wouldn't notice. I guess that's why I'm so defensive about it now. I've come out the closet. HAHAHA. No pun intended. ;)
If you're into trends and fashion then the best place to go to is not a mall where they rip you off for some polyester garb from China and charge you $50 (ahem Le Chateau!). The place to go is Value Village. Why?


1) Fashion is recycled and so are Value Village clothes- you can get a ton of vintage stuff there that is considered 'in' now for a tiny fraction of the price you'd get at American Eagle etc.
2) It's cheaper than vintage stores. The only difference between vintage and thrift is that vintage is pricy but placed nicely. Thrift requires more of a hunt but if you're patient, you can find great stuff.
3) The stuff is unique. There's only one of each. So you will be too. ;)
4) It promotes recycling (environment) and charity (they buy stuff and donate money to and from non profity/charity organizations). Value Village is a great example of a FOR-profit organization that gives to charity and recycles.


Today was the last day for the Value Village sale (buy 5 items, get the 6th free. buy 10 get 3 items free, etc) so I went on this rainy day and spent the equivalent amount of time I would spend at a typical mall: 2-2.5 hours. There were tons of shoppers there. To shop at a thrift store you must learn the tactics and methods of getting all the good merch before another rival does (yes it's a race). Tips:
1) Always look at the ends of the aisles where shoppers hang clothes that they had picked out earlier and decided not to keep.
2) Follow the salesclerks like wolves as they roll out the new merch (many people search through the racks while the clerk is busy down in the aisle sorting the clothes.
3) If you see something you like, take it for now. Or else someone may take it. You can always decide to leave it later.
4) If you loiter long enough in the store like I do, constantly revisit specific sections like belts and bags because they always put new stuff in when you're not looking.
5) Knowing your labels is really helpful. I can testify to that. Then again if you're not a label whore like I can be at times, it wouldn't really matter. But it's worth it.


I ended up getting five items $33.52 and got the sixth item free. The beauty in all this is that everything I purchased was designer save one. The great thing about many Canadians in the suburbs is either they don't really know labels. My mom said that wasn't true- she thinks that people just died and their relatives sent everything to Value Village. Hahaha...
Well of course there is a risk that the stuff I got was fake and I am against purchasing fakes but there is a high chance that the merch is genuine unbeknownst to a generous donator (this shopper personally thanks you for your ignorance). But there were some amazing finds today and I couldn't resist: a Moschino leather backpack for $9.99? A Gianni Versace case purse for $5.99? A costume jewelry Dior brooch for $3.99 (pretty sure it's real- it's got Christian Dior R. stamped on the back in miniscule writing and after examining Tania's mom's jewelry- I think it's genuine)? I know two items are authentic though. I was browsing the shoes (I will wear people's shoes which my mom thinks is a little gross) and a pair of glossy cherry red patent shoes (the image above) caught my eye. The gold buckle in the middle was inscribed with one word: Ferragamo.
SALVATORE FERRAGAMO??? And sure enough on the sole it reads in gold 'boutique Salvatore Ferragamo. Made in Italy'. They were size 7.5 but I could squeeze my feet in- I just couldn't walk comfortably. Lol. I bought them anyway for $7.99. I was going to make them bookends or nail them to a piece of wood and make it into a coat hanger. The only non designer item I got was a thin glossy black belt which came from Eatons when it was still in business long long time ago for $5.99. And my free item? Another belt. I actually was sifting through all of them when this particular one reminded me of one I saw on Ebay which I liked the look of (it's suede with plastic ends and gold buckle). I picked it up and examined it closely. I wish I could have seen my bulging eye expression because on the strap it said in tiny gold lettering 'YSL' and on the back of the belt 'Yves Saint Laurent. Made in France'. FREAK and for $2.99! So I got a designer belt for free. Score!
In all practicality sense the shoes weren't a wise choice but when I got home my mom complained that she used to own all this kind of stuff and I accused her that I wouldn't have bought some of the stuff if she saved it for me (she donates everything she hasnt worn over a year so her closet is really small while I save almost everything because fashion concepts are always reused. Yay I like my walk-in closet. I treat it as a luxury. Because my closet is next to my parent's bathroom and protrudes outward, their shower is TINY- you can't move in it. Hheheh). Anyway my mom slipped the shoes on and it was slightly too big for her but fit her very well. So now she's going to wear them but she thinks they're too fancy. Yay. So the shoes, in the end, were a good buy. Good job Sam. Now Ms Moschino, Ms Versace, Mr Ferragamo, Mr Dior and Mr Saint Laurent reside in your closet for a few dollars.
I'll miss Value Village when I go back to New York.


I just saw the coolest Do It Yourself (DIY) dress on Canada's Next Top Model. The Asian chick, Sisi, took her dad's enormous bright yellow polo and wrapped it around her seamlessly (I wonder how she did that) and cinched it on the waist with a beige belt. It looked so great and the judges commented on it. She almost got kicked off the show though. :S The girl who did get kicked out actually had the nerve to say that "Canada's Next Top Model should be someone who was born in Canada. She's (Sisi) not even born in Canada." Ouch. I really want her to win- yes I admit because of her ethnicity. But it's only natural isn't it? If the Anglo beauty is imposed on us (yes it is- my grandparents came back from HK with the China Vogue and there was a white girl on the cover and all the editorials are done with Caucasians for an Asian market, magazine and target. That makes no sense). I should start learning some Mandarin if I ever have to do business in China.


Today is July 12: two months of holiday have gone. AHHHHHH.
It's official. I'm leaving on August 31st at 4:15. :( I'm afraid.