Rambling

Its 12:02am.
Oh and there goes another Christmas.
Urbana today.
It's also Boxing Day.
I remember last year I went to Yorkdale and it was insane and stupid and I got nothing out of it except a few dollars poorer from the subway fare. This year I don't plan to venture far. All I want to do is see my beloved Value Village. I love you Value Village. I might as well drop some items off for my mom anyway. Good thing we live so close to it. Haha.
Can you tell I'm extremely bored?
Number of times listened to 'Not To Us' since two weeks of purchase: 88 times.
HAHA.
I've also been catching up on my magazine reading. I read this article in Brio (christian girl magazine) about modern worship vs traditional worship. For some reason the editor talked about how she missed the old hymns because they addressed God directly while modern worship can be seen as a love relationship between a boy and a girl. Lyrics like, "I want to know you... I want to hear Your voice, I want to know You more" can be seen as a romanticized version of traditional hymns.
The article didnt jive with me. I expected to read an article on genuine worship (which was the title) and I got this article on personal tastes of worship music. I personally do not think about boys when I'm worshipping and those songs we sing don't arouse any desire for a relationship either. I've known of people who do mistaken those songs to be of human to human relationships, yet it doesn't really happen with me. Maybe it's because I just can't imagine myself singing that to some guy. HAHA. Whatever.
So I read my fair share of fashion magazines and this is what I got out of them,

"Fashion has a future. It's about re-interpretation and re-education, re-evaluation and relating a message. Individuality is born out of struggle and that is something young designers know something about." -Antonio Berardi

".. it is always in the great moments when everything changes that fashions are important, because they make something go up in the air or go down or go around that has nothing to do with anything." -Gertrude Stein from Paris France

Overall the three fashion magazines I read were less than brilliant. I remember a time when I found them extremely creative... what happened? You remember those moments: when you see a creative photoshoot or a stunning avant garde piece. Oh you remember it. There was one photoshoot done by a nude model who posed behind a wall of glass. An artist came in and spray painted replicas of dresses according to the pose of the model. It was really cool.

When Pastor Francis asked all the Urbana participants to come to the front so that he could pray for them, he told the congregation that they were looking at their future doctors, nurses, missionaries, sunday school teachers.... and I was just waiting for something that would address a part of me. I guess teachers, doctors and nurses sound the most altruistic because they deal with direct human touch and care.
I think we (as in those who care even if it is a little) all have this love-hate relationship with fashion because it includes everyone and excludes no one. Because fashion affects and shapes everything, no one is to say that you are not right to dress in a certain way. Yet it excludes everyone save a few which is dictated by current trends. Okay I have no idea what point I'm driving. Something I just thought of a few days ago. In the hierarchy of design, architecture is viewed at the top and fashion the scum of it. Buildings lasts for many years while clothes are discarded over a four month period. No this is not my personal opinion: it is widely known among designers that this hierarchy exists. Our fashion director and mini celebrity, Tim Gunn, of Parsons initially was an architect and mentioned how his colleagues looked down upon the garment industry. Okay I'm rambling.

For the record, Santa Claus got me another illustrated version of Beauty and the Beast and it's soooo pretty. I love the illustrations. I also received a pair of stainless steel earrings created by two Australian industrial designers who were inspired by Japanese origami and Danish paper designs. Very cool. I love love love reading about where designers get their inspiration from: to see a hybridization of skills, forms and creativity.

Merry Christmas

Uh we were not allowed to take pictures in the Canon Theater whilst watching Wicked but I couldn't resist snapping a shot of the beautiful ceiling. I was mesmerized by it's 'circleness'. Besides it's the architecture.

Food food food (turkey not shown here) and the mounds of presents at our skinny tree.

Last night I was just so grateful for my family. Because I have the privilege of having great relationships with at least a few of my cousins on either side of the family, I love love family gatherings. I've been blessed with a huge family: 14 cousins on one side, that I can't imagine living my life without a large network of aunts, uncles and cousins. Last night was just a psychotic evening: a display of the oddness of my family. We have the weirdest family ever where Uncle Terry gets more excited about a 360 degree spinning suitcase than my grandparents who were the recipients, where the littlest cousin shoves a large slice if tiramisu in three seconds flat, where my brother gets a gag gift of a box of macaroni and cheese and I a themometer (thanks Auntie Jo). It was an evening of jokes, laughter and a lot of loud Chinese talking.
Ah family. My memories of my childhood are tightly intertwined with family from our old weekly gatherings (I didn't like Robyn before.. hahaha) and how I love it. :) It's too bad that families are getting smaller and smaller these days.
I hope you've had a lovely Christmas with your family. :)

There's something about returning from New York and realizing how much you've missed people. You don't know the extent of how much you've missed them until you see them again and remember the pain you've tried to push away.

Sorry I just got totally sidetracked because of a certain someone who failed to introduce me to another certain someone. That's all for now, kids. Have a merry christmas.

Sitting Pretty

There are three different components of Emotional Design:
-functionality
-aesthetics
-logic/thinking aspect to an artifact (can be tied into aesthetic)

To say one likes something because "it's so pretty!" is not usually considered a reasonable and fact based answer. Rather, it is based on some emotional fluff- a term usually used by the feminine mind (unless it's a car or something like that). On the other hand, giving a reason under the category of functionality is quite different because it gives the object a sense of purpose beyond that which meets the eye. It's useful therefore it can be engaged with the rest of the body. No one can argue it's functionality. If you find it useful, great, it's something worth purchasing.
However I beg to differ.
I think to be able to say something "is pretty" happens when the eye finds something pleasing in connection to an object. I think that many people often regard 'pretty' things lack in function and if its only role is to entertain the eye- well it makes it a rather disposable, temporary subject because beauty and novelty can fade. And I find that many female shoppers often justify buying something because they talk themselves into finding its functional side while we all clearly know it's for its appearance. We tend to play the 'function' card when it's really the aesthetic one we're pulling at.
But honestly, what is wrong with getting something that is just 'merely' pretty? It's not about practicality- we get so much of that. Personally I like extremely useless things- things that I would not necessarily purchase because they're so useless, it seems silly to get in the first place. I really like coffee table books- and they're not even for reading so much as to display somewhere. I like looking at the pictures and that's about it. So when people ask what I want for, say Christmas or birthday, I end up saying what people want to hear- something that seems reasonably useful and less silly.
Haha. For my high school grad gift, my mom actually agreed to purchase me a custom-made elven house modelled after Rivendell. Yes I was into miniatures (it became rather useful because I started learning the history of furniture and how to work with wood... I learned to varnish and stain things etc) and yes I was very into my LOTR. That never happened but it just shows how I like very useless things.
If I made a lot of money, I'd buy antique kimonos. I also really really really want a design library modelled to Belle's library in 'Beauty and the Beast' at a much smaller scale of course. Or like the one in 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'.
But all useless, pretty things give me something that functional, practical things, like computers, don't: they spark my imagination and creativity by just merely gazing at them. It mesmerizes me. Beauty is often downplayed as a temporary, short term emotional effect that is induced on people for a second and is quickly discarded like photographs. Beauty is often seen as a more subjective thing over functionality which leans more to objective. We often make up reasons for beauty. If we look at a the Mona Lisa, we read so much into it from its supposed masculine side to the 'mysterious smile' (I don't find anything mysterious really), we lose its initial aesthetic appeal. We break up these paintings into a million pieces, fragmenting what was a picture of wholeness and casting it into some analytical/historical/philosophical/psychological/sociological means as to why it's a 'successful' painting. People can't just like something because they just like it. They have to justify the reason why they like it but perhaps there really is no reason. Perhaps when beauty occurs, we are a loss for words. There is no reason why we like it other than the fact that it is rather pretty. And that's perfectly fine. There is no need for justification. It's perfectly understandable. In Genesis, when His work was finished, God merely said, "it is good."
Beauty is a healing agent. I've noticed that many doctors offices have paintings or photographs of nature on their walls facing the patient. When I'm under the stress of school, all I want to do is sit and watching a really pretty movie and do homework. Or go outside and stare at the blue sky and get some fresh air. I have a folder in my computer that consists of editorials and fashion photographs which have caught my eye and all I like to do is open them and just look at them. Somehow it rejuvenates me. I like flipping through magazines because they're so fantastical.
So the next time you encounter something attractive: know that there is not necessarily a justification for being drawn to it. They are just as powerful as those objects that were created for function. My host family in Kosovo owned this set of metal champagne glasses, a coffee serving set and wine glasses which cost $1300 Euros. I asked her why she bought it, she told me it gave her a sense of joy to just look at it every day. Though I don't understand the beauty in expensive metal silverware, I understood how it gave her life a little bit of texture. And it is good.

Fly Away Home

WOW.
I'M HOME.
FINALLY.

Have you ever felt so excited that your body goes numb when you're anticipating a moment? Where you feel like your breath just got sucked out of you in a dizzying spell from excitement? Well it happened as Robyn and I headed towards the welcome area and I first saw Auntie Jo and then a huge yellow banner that said "WELCOME HOME ROB AND SAM" and they all brought flowers for us. Aw. And then Auntie Jo wanted to take pictures which got a little much because we were all yelling at each other and hugging and causing a Asian commotion in the airport.
Yeah.
The plane was delayed... and I was sweating and having 'hot flashes' whilst watching an hour of THE ILLUSIONIST (oh Edward Norton!) because I was wearing my 'semi formal attire' (which to me is an every day thing. :P) that consisted of four layers: tights, tank top, skirt, dress and a nightgown (I know, you couldn't tell). I think the film 'Lemony Snickets and the Series of Unfortunate Events' partly influenced all the blackness and Victorian sobriety. Apparently I look like someone from Beetle Juice.

The Christmas dinner was okay... What can I say? I arrived halfway when everyone was finishing up dinner. I saw my brother with his reindeer tie (reminds me of Colin Firth in Bridget Jones. :P) and he's grown again. Evelyn is so tall now! Oh my.
It was the 'after party' that was the most fun and I finally got my walnut soup. hhehe. I didn't sleep till 4am and had to wake up to watch Wicked.. WHICH WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I want to watch it again. Frick. I haven't seen a great musical in ages: Phantom and Les Miserable are classics which I saw when I was little (the Phantom soundtrack was a staple when I was in gr2). After that I've seen mediocre ones like Hairspray, Avenue Q, Lion King (which was half good- the set was crazy good and the first song made me tear because it was just that rich) and The Producers (which sucked).
I'm still bowled over by Wicked. Great great great musical. I highly recommend it if it comes back next Christmas. :P I started picking apart the costumes which were fantastic. It was an ecclectic mix of Victorian, early 19th century and Rococo with a bit of Christian Dior's 1950's 'New Look' for the Good Witch. I wonder how they maintain those costumes because they're huge.

After that I went to the UN party where Vanessa and her mom had really decked the house with Christmas decorations- it really looks like something featured in an interior magazine- a Martha Stewart house. It was nice. We are going to try to make it to a lounge or some bar this time (unlike our last failed attempt due to our grandmother-like traits).
So another two blissful days...

Biology and Vodka

If I had to name my fashion collection, I think I'd call it 'Biology and Vodka'. Why? No reason. I just like the sound of it.

I have received the funniest presents so far: a cupcake plushie, Godiva liquer, a vintage fake kimono, a milk glass, a teapot that pees into a cup and now an hourglass from my roommate. HAHA. They're ecclectic as I am. Whatever that means. :P

So I've about finished packing- gotta do a lot of crap tomorrow after my exam (probably won't get everything done) including cleaning the bathroom, emptying the fridge, buying a lock, cashing in a check, getting money out for cab ride, shower (which I haven't done for 2.5 days.. I know but whatever as long as I don't smell for the moment).

We had our final presentation to the Washington office of Women for Women and when I got up to speak, I realized there were a lot more strangers in the room. One of them was Parsons PR who wanted to contact magazines to get our trip published. I'm supposed to send her images of our trip. Pretty cool eh.

Today the 5A roomies got together to exchange gifts and to get high on chocolate at Max Brenner's chocolate bar... ugh. I'm basically clogged with sugar now. I also got to clean my entire room and it feels refreshing.

I just read the Urbana bus email and a wave of fear just swept through me- it's the fear of the unknown... I'm just incredibly tired.... I woke up this morning at 4am after only four hours of sleep and I just remembered that I was going home the day after and I just could not fall back asleep so I started to study for my exam again. Ugh. I've been up for more than 24 hours now. How pathetic. That's how desperate I am to get home. :P

Okay, I'll see you kids tomorrow- well actually today. :P

Imagination

During the crit, I realized something,
Imagination sparks imagination.
A designer is successful only when he or she is ignited by an idea, makes it tangible, which then sparks the imagination of others. If the idea arrives at a dead end, the product is of no use. Because design is constantly changing and evolving, it must be able to have a well of creative potential to bring it even further through process.
But imagination can be used for the worse. If you think about it, any product sells as soon as a customer has the ability to imagine himself/herself interacting with the object. A girl dons a dress in a store dressing room and dreams of that future party that she'd wear it too- she buys it. The guy buys a basketball and dreams of shooting hoops at the local park with his friends at their next weekly b ball gathering. If you look at marketing schemes and ad campaigns, it revolves around playing up one aspect of our imagination so that we integrate this inanimate object and give it a personal connection. Because they are not able to allow the audience to interact with the product that's shown on tv- say facial lotion campaign- they must draw an idea that would hit us either mentally or emotionally in order to get us to venture out to physically interact with the object (yet with facial lotions I must say you can't really use it unlike a car, until you buy it). They are not out to sell you a product necessarily but an idea.
In a design point of view, those projects that are most successful are those that allow others to come up with new ideas based on the existing prototype. Or it is those that others can imagine themselves using.
So imagination goes a long way, whether you like it or not.
What I find interesting is how companies use imagination and idealization to sell a product. What seems to be altruistic may all be just a sham to get you to buy something. The Dove Ad Campaigns are relatively good to any other fashion ad (although I'm all for using skinny models- I can't lie... except I'm not really into extreme jutting bones which I find gross) yet in the end, they are trying to sell you that cellulite cream. I thought the little film they had on their website was pretty neat- I never knew that Photoshop's warping tool could do so much. I should try it on my face one time.. hahha.
Another interesting ad campaign that runs in the similar vein as the Dove editorials are Nike.

Here's one of the current series focusing on specific body parts:

The woman embraces herself as a fit but curvaceous unlike the waif-like, anorexic looking models that are often employed in editorials and magazine ads. It seems to be selling another body alternative: one that includes thick thighs, large butts and broad shoulders. However Nike still sells this idea of the controlled body- perhaps not through the absence of food but through an exercise regimen. The woman says her butt is a product from 'thousands of lunges'. Hence in the end, there is still that need to control the body be it skinny or muscular to get it to its ideal.

When I was at the camera store today, I held the Nikon D40 and a sudden urge came upon me: I wanted to buy it. And then I started psychoanalysing myself on the spot and questioning my motives: Sam, are you creating some connection to an object purely out of emotion since you're able to touch it and hold it in your hands... are you just imagining yourself using it at home? Do you want it because you're able to touch it or because you think it's a good buy....

It was pretty funny so I just let it go just in case it was some impulse urge and not something I'd practically consider. Okay I'm done for now... for now.
Dude I'm on a roll here, three entries in one night. Not bad, Sam, that means you're returning to holiday mode blogging. Now to sleep. Presentation with the Washington office tomorrow. Whoopee. 8:30am!

A Poet and a Porn Star

Now, can anyone tell me if they've ever had a gay porn star man as a teacher?
I can say that next semester, I will.
And I'm not looking forward to it.
I, Sam, will be taking Body Garment 2 Studio with a gay porn star.
Sweet.
Omg, my future looks bleak.

He actually came in today to meet his future class and he basically blasted this one girl's work and practically said it wasn't wearable, it was poorly crafted, she made the breasts of a woman look like water balloons that could be squished and popped. Ouch. She looked like she was going to cry. I dont like it when teachers who have not been in the class, just come in and crit your stuff without having any basis or knowledge of past work.
Anyway I am kind of looking forward to the class because we'll be working with the New York City Ballet!!! We'll be designing costumes for them and the best few will be constructed. I think that's really neat but extremely difficult. Unlike normal fashion where one does not have to do the splits during dinner or have to move her leg to her head in the kitchen, we have to consider movement, the colours when lighting is concerned (black may look blue in stage lighting).. the garment must stay still yet allow the dancer to move. It's going to be hard especially with so many components that I'm not familiar with.
Luckily I made a friend who is a Broadway dancer and she's willing to help me though we are going to get together with the choreographer and ballet company. The cool thing is that we have to listen to music, not just using visuals, but we have to feel the music and embody that in a garment since the choreographer may not have the entire piece laid out. It'll be a different way of learning and thinking which I am looking forward to.
Hopefully it'll be okay although my future teacher seems extremely critical.
And I try not to think of his alter ego.
*shudders*

On the other hand, I have to take a philosophy in design class called 'Invention' with this weird looking man... he apparently majors in the New Testament (whatever that means), gnosticism, Jacobean drama and poetry. He's a poet. HAHahA.. omg so I'm basically taking classes with a poet and a porn star next semester. How vastly different. I must laugh at the oddities.

FYI, I've listened to Chris Tomlin's 'Not To Us' sixty two times now.
HAHHA.
And you thought you killed something.

History of Dress and Sustainability: Relatively Long Post

Whoohoo. I just finished my History of Dress exam; which was freaking retarded because we basically had to write five points for every image flashed on screen within five minutes... except I can't think a point and write it down per minute.. and then there were seven comparison images with seven points each. My hand just died. It was a retarded exam. Oh well. I am done with that class.
I did enjoy the class though my prof was pretty sketchy (he couldn't spell things on the spot... hm.... he can't spell french terms either. We asked him how to spell 'Rocaille' and he was like "uh... r-o-c-a... it's on one of your sheets." Today right before the test, someone asked him how to spell 'ormolu' and he told us to refer to the sheets. SKETCHY). Anyway I hope I have all my facts right despite his incompetence in spelling. I couldn't even find some of the paintings he wrote down (I presume he just made up a name for them??)
I enjoyed the class in ways because it really has helped me learn about a subject I'm interested in and now Bonnie and I literally walk around and point out different characteristics of clothing we see in stores and tell each other where each element was derived from.
It's also interesting because fashion is not just surface: it really does embody political and social ideas of an everchanging culture. It also proves to feminists that men are not the ones who made women wear corsets and heeled shoes: actually it was men who wore corsets first back in the early 19th century with the dandys, and Louis X111 created the high heeled shoe because he was short. HAhaha.. it was then appropriated into court dress where a red block heel shoe was only worn by royalty (and you thought the current Christian Louboutin made that up).
It's also useful because now when I observe a painting, I can try to tell what period it came from without looking at dates by examining the garments that the figures are wearing. I can tell you what revolution was happening and why they reverted back to this state of dress or the other. I can tell you that after the French revolution when Napolean came into power and Marie Antoinette had her head chopped off, vertical column dresses with empire line waists came into style which symbolized a desire for naturalistic elements as opposed to the frivolity and excess of the 18th century. They reverted back to clothes that reminded them of the Greeks- white column dresses:a symbol of democracy. Also in 1764, the ruins of Pompeii were discovered which also affected dress. Apparently at the turn of every century, we always revert back to a state of Greek dressing. Weird.
Unlike what we think today, menswear was always MORE advanced than women's fashion. Women's fashion always followed men's fashion. What I'm wearing today (white blouse with poet sleeves, jeans and boots) would have been considered dressing in drag exactly 100 years ago in the early 19th century when men wore waistcoats, cravats, breeches and tailcoat. Men used to pose like women do now: contra posto in an 'S' curve. It was men who were admired for their beauty, not women. Men used to care how they dressed, how they posed, how tall their hats were. So to say that women care too much about clothes now, well, just look a hundred years ago and you'll see the exact opposite was true.

Okay I'm going to stop. But all I'm trying to say that fashion is not as simplistic as one usually thinks it is: it traces way way back to Adam and Eve. It strives to express certain ideals of the body in relation to its surroundings.
Anyway after the one hour exam, I went to Daytona Trimmings (this huge store full of lace, ribbons, buttons, embroidery thread etc) and bought $15 worth of ribbons and buttons. HAHAHA. I just went nuts, "I want one yard of this, two yards of this- no make that three." I plan to wrap gifts with them and use them at home when I sew.

Whoohoo I plan to visit my dear friend Tanya at Ryerson to see what the Ryerson fashion program is like. :) I'm excited.

You know what I find funny is that though New York is a glamazon, we don't have any semi formals or dances like any other normal university back at home.
I'm also quite tired of my so called 'liberal, open minded' university which only emphasize homosexuality, feminism and so forth. The other day at my lecture class, the prof said that New York has just passed a law where you can CHOOSE your gender even if you haven't had a sex change. So technically I can change my birth cert to say "male" even though I don't get my breasts sucked out and my voice boxed tweaked. What the heck. Just because I "feel" like changing my sex, I apparently have the ability to. And then she goes on saying how that opens up many new questions about whether a male can marry a girl when he changes his sex to 'female' and whether or not that is lesbianism. At that point I was pretty annoyed because we're making a big deal out of something that was pre ordained. This, my friends, is what we call MIND BODY DUALISM. I hope no one in that lecture agreed with such a stupid law: honestly if they tote this idea of mind-body unification, they certainly should disagree with this new law. Gender picking is a waste of time. I'm glad that my tax dollars is going to a great cause. -_-

So I found out last night that two of my toes are eggplant purple. They've bruised and it really hurts to walk. I realized that these things always come at the worst of times: I NEED to walk in New York and yet I now have a slight limp. If you've ever walked with me, you know I like to walk really fast and my bruises are now causing me to walk at normal people pace. I don't like it. I went to B&H today, a 35,000 square foot camera and film store (yes it's huge especially since it's in Manhattan) and I was so tempted to buy that Nikon D40 camera for $600.... I called my dad and he said "why not" but I thought impulse buying would not be wise although I did want to get it to bring it home and let my dad teach me how to use it. It's considerably smaller and lighter than my dad's D70; the one I've been toting around this past summer. I really want it but the thing that's holding me back is entirely superficial. I mean with $600, I could get other things and those things that pop into my head are entirely superficial fluff that if I dared to utter aloud, I think we'd need a few smelling salts. Yeah so a camera is functional, and practical: something I could be proud to say I spent $600 on rather than say, other things....
Perhaps I'll just get it when I come back when I'm entirely certain.
Why am I so afraid of the superficial?

I was blog surfing the other day and I realized that people have such lengthy friends lists and I only have Tania and two other unlisted links. I should really alter those. But in the end, my list would be extremely short- about ten people. The more I think about it, the less of an ENFP I feel I am. I like being around people but being in New York is making me dislike being around people. I also am not really into being in big groups of people, I end up not talking and thinking how retarded people are. And I see that people have 20-30 people on their list, I wonder how well they know these people. Is it more than just a parade of popularity?

You know what.. sometimes I think that when in times of sadness, depression, bitterness, it is those time when I write the best posts because they come from something deep down. It's a time where I am able to do some self reflection and within myself, draw out some conclusion as to why I am feeling so insecure and sad. I've been reading old summer entries, and wish that I had the time to think and almost wish that I was that sad in order to write something great and worthy of posting. Not just superficial, day to day stuff, but something truly meaningful.

As our world is coming to an end (yes look at the weather), I realize that something must be done with all the environmental devastation that we have reeked upon this earth- a gift which we have drastically beaten to a pulp. People often give me a quizzical look when I tell them I'm studying 'sustainability' (at this point, I have no courses in sustainable design because they're all freaking full: how am I supposed to 'save the world' if I cant' get the courses I need). Last week in Intro To Design, the prof talked about Sustainability and Design. If you think about it, all that has happened in this world: pollution, clear cutting, industrial waste is all a result of failure in design. And though the word 'designer' may seem like fluff, it is the designer who in the end has to decide which path to take: one that 99% of people have trodden on- to the path of the easy life of old ideas and things that already exist or the path that many have not taken which is the path of sustainability. Because sustainability requires innovation, time and careful examination of the world and the people, designers often become lazy. This path takes work and time, something most of us don't care to invest in.
But truly, if you think about it, sustainability is where the money pot is lying in. Though it doesn't seem likely, when we examine global warming and the freakishly warm weather we're getting in mid december, we can already see the need for design to change for the better. Another interesting aspect of sustainable design is the need for cross major collabration: engineers will have to collaborate with fashion designers. Perhaps one day I'll be working with biologists and chemists to create new fabrics. Fashion will no longer stand alone in its own industry.
The reason I want to study sustainability is because I'm quite alarmed by how quickly our earth is disintegrating. I wish we had garbage bags that decomposed in two days rather than plastic garbage bags. That should be something someone should invent. I also want to do something that's more than just fabric- for a good cause. I also realize that most people think sustainable fashion is an oxymoron for hippies who wear burlap sacks and think it's chic. But it's incredibly hard. I want everything to be for the better from fair-paid workers to environmentally clean factories to eco friendly transporation to stores to the clothes themselves. There are so many compenents that have to be thought out and invented. That is a lot of work considering nothing of the sort has been done. It reminds me of the copper mines outside of Toronto.. we did a case study on it in gr9 and I can't remember what it's called but they basically created eco friendly factories and sold the idea to companies all around.
But all that I do, even if it's not sustainable fashion, I want to do it for God. Okay I admit it would be great to be famous and financially successful, but I really want to do it because of Him. I'm always examining the China market and how it's evolving to sustainable products and innovation for future references. I've concluded that I can't do couture because sustainable couture is almost an oxymoron: sustainable design only affordable for the rich. It would be great to be able to price my work at $10,000+ but I think sustainable design is only successful on a mass market level. If I could do something like another H&M but have it sustainable and environmentally friendly, that would be something I'd like to achieve. But I don't want people buying it because it's eco friendly, I want them to buy it for the design. If I just stressed on the eco part of it, and people bought it out of the goodness or shame of their consumeristic desires, then the company would not be able to survive. Design first.
This is hard, and I don't know if it's achievable but it's something to aspire to.

New York Blues

the cross before me the world behind
no turning back
raise the banner high
it's not for me
it's all for you.

send your holy fire on this offering
let our worship burn for the world to see
it's not for us
it's all for you
for you.

-Not To Us, Chris Tomlin

We sang this song during worship yesterday and I felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy for what come and what will come. I'm guessing it's a relatively old song but for some reason it just clicked yesterday. I just bought it on Itunes so I'm pretty happy. I'm definitely going to kill this song (11 times played and counting). It actually reminds me very much of a scene in 'Great Expectations' although the guy was yelling to his childhood sweetheart that everything he did, he did it for her.
Anyway, it just reminded me that all that I do should be for Him. Cliche and obvious but we often forget they hold the most truth.
All that I do, I do it for Him. No one has shown me as much love and kindness as He.

Omg, I was walking to my side of the room from my kitchen holding this really cool teapot I received as a Christmas present from my cousin. It has no spout but its bottom has three latches and when you put it on top of a cup, the latches are lifted by the rim of the cup and the teapot 'pees' the tea into the cup. Yeah well I was walking back with it and lo and behold I somehow slipped on my roomie's paint on the floor. It was basically the camera incident all over again. The only thing I could think of was the teapot smashing on the floor so my entire torso was rigid while I slipped on the paint tubes, swung my elbow (the one I banged at retreat ironically) and swiped it with black and white paint, and then sat on my roomie's large paint box, crushing it and breaking the plastic and getting paint on my skirt. The teapot was in tact so I must have slipped on the paint tubes and just sat on all of it while swinging my arm with the teapot and swiped my roomie's paint. Funny. Yeah but now my roomie's huge paint box is broken. My toes are throbbing.

It's only Monday and I'm quickly breaking down. Urbana is in nine days and currently I'm far from excited. It's actually raising my stress levels. I initially signed up thinking what the heck, if it sucks I won't go again and if I get something out of it, that's great. But right now I'm not really happy about it. Though I've committed to going, yes I know it was a decision made on my behalf, I'm dreading going at the moment. It's just that I've been so looking forward to going home, I don't want to be uprooted again to go back to the States and have to get to know people I don't know and have to do things on my own again. I just want to go home. If you can't understand that, try living in New York, and attend a school like idiotic Parsons whose administration doesn't care about its students (I'm not kidding). New York is just so 'every man for himself' kind of living, it just gets tiring to depend on yourself. And I want to spend a quiet Christmas with people I'm familiar with. I'm tired of the millions of people here.
What I resent most about Urbana is that I won't be able to see many of my friends. Personally I'm finding this whole conference a leap of faith and a sacrifice on my behalf. I am expecting to get something out of all of this.
It's true, as Bridget Jones said, when one part of your life is going well, another part falls completely into disaster.
If you take offense to this- I apologize because I don't mean to offend or dampen people's spirits about going to Urbana. But this is what I'm really going through at the moment. I'm socially awkward among new people (actually among people I may know by face and name yet know nothing about them) and I'm trying to plough through two exams (not really stressed about those though), a garment project with crit, a Shakespeare costume project and a presentation to Women for Women. In addition to that, I've been trying to finish Christmas cards, last minute gifts for people and wrapping stuff up.
When will I get to breathe? The happiest day of my life is coming up: Dec 22. Sad I know but I've been dreaming and waiting for this day since I left Toronto. That day I'll have an exam, and then flying back to Toronto hopefully to catch the last half of the Christmas dinner and then see if people want to chill after (as Vinci appropriately said, "Chinese dessert!"). Dec 23, I'm seeing Wicked and seeing one bunch of friends. Dec 24, our family is celebrating. Dec 25, my core family are probably going to do something. And then I'm leaving for a week, coming back to go to a ski trip (except I don't ski or snowboard).
Sigh, I don't know. I'm just really tired.

Cerulean

One thing I'll miss the month of holiday in Toronto is the worship at the church here in NY. All of a sudden while we were singing, I pictured a huge, fat ice cap from Tim Hortons. Lol. I then proceeded to chide myself for thinking about food during worship.
Worship.
I think it requires a whole different sense of vulnerability.

I aspire to be like her one day. HAHAHA. No, actually I just want to talk like her. If I can talk like her and have such a vast knowledge on the history of dress, that would be so great. Well I'm on my way there since I'll be done with my History Culture Society class where we studied fashion from Egyptian to early 19th century. Anyway, one of my favourite arguments when Andy, the 'I'm too cool for fashion' girl sniggers at two similar turquoise belts because the stylist said they were so different:

Miranda Priestly: This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, [it's not lapis,] It's actually cerulean. You're also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

Frick.

Sorry for the lukewarm posts, I'm so tired.

I thought this was a pretty neat image with just a simple breaking down of geometric shapes.
So I heard there's this new Nikon camera but a smaller version than my dad's: D40. Hm.
HAhaha... funny scenario. I always get hunger pangs around 2-3am and Robyn and I were making a brownie from mix and it's actually really good (but still not as good as mine.hehehe). Well we were almost done eating the entire pan and there was this little square left:
Sam: I'm so hungry. Let's eat the brownie
Bon: No I shouldn't. Not today.
S: Why not? (Because I wanted to eat the rest of it)
B: My cheeks get puffy and my face gets fatt......
S: (skips to kitchen) Suit yourself!
B: (follows into kitchen)

Now the brownie is happily in our stomachs. Yum yum. Yes we devoured it. Robyn we need more brownie mix. :P

So today my cousin and his girlfriend came to NY from Boston and we all had dinner with another aunt and Michelle and Jackson. We went to the Rockefeller (it was literally hell we were walking baby steps because it was THAT PACKED). We also went to the Nintendo store because my cousin designed the lighting for it. Omg.. So my mom wants the Wii and they told us they have 150 a day.. and that people were already lining up outside for TOMORROW. I looked outside and there was litereally 40 people sitting on the floor in lines with blankets. How sad.
Psychos.

$ketchbook Warehouse: Dead, Tired and Beaten to a Pulp.

There's something wrong with me- I've only been getting five hours of sleep every night where I naturally wake up. Normally if I sleep at 4am, I'll sleep straight till 12pm. I now wake up at 9 myself. What's wrong with me. I'm so tired these days, I can't sleep until 4am. The other day my roomie and I had a lengthy conversation after my attempt to sleep about guys. Last night at 2:30am, three Parsons students congregated around my bed and planned weird marshmallow designs to put up on Threadless and also looked at each others sketchbook. We compared styles, handwriting (the first img) and sketches. It's fun to see how we all write and draw so differently. So sad: this is what finals has done to us. I can't wait to go home and just relax without the schedules and deadlines.

So is this my seventh time watching the Devil Wears Prada (not counting the twice in theatres). Oddly enough the book sucked but the movie is great- good mindless movie to watch during projects:

Guy 1: Why do women need so many bags?
Friend: Shut up!
Guy 1: You have one; You put all your junk in it and it's done!
Guy 2: Fashion is not about utility. An accessory is merely a piece of iconography used to express individual identity.
Friend: And it's prettyyyyy.

The entire movie just makes me laugh. And being able to identify the places in the movie gives me more interest on my behalf (one part was shot a block away from school). Although New York is not glamorous, it's an injection of fantasy (if you can call working for a boss from hell a fantasy). I just don't like how she ends up sleeping with Christian Thompson- I don't like the fact that he ends up getting what she wants although she leaves him later on.

Oh geez I can't wait to go home- exactly a week left. I just want to go home. New York has beaten me to a pulp.

More Details and Photos of Kosovo

I wake up the sound of the Muslin call to prayer every day at 6am. I took the picture out of my guest bedroom window when they woke me up one day.

I don't know if anyone ever listens to end credits movie music but the Moulin Rouge end credits remix is absolutely amazing. I'm just playing the ends credits chapter over and over again. I know, I have issues. AH I just got the Devil Wears Prada on dvd.. hehehe.. time to kill it. I'll have this movie memorized by the end of this week. :P

My apologies for not blogging (I know, it's a first and I know everyone has a ton of stuff to do for finals) but I've been having a hard time adjusting back to my normal sleeping habits. I slept for five hours last night at 4am and woke up at 9 when I set my alarm for 10:15. -_-. Anyway, I'm also down with a cold and have a lot of work to do like the rest of you. I've been wanting to put up pictures but ever since I swapped to Blogger Beta, it's not letting me. Technology sucks. Oh wait, now it works. Whoohoo. More pictures up in a few days. I was talking to one of my classmates who went on the trip with us and she told me because my brain knows that I have jet lag, my body automatically jet lags- but if I don't think about it, my body would function normally. Except I don't really believe that: just because I 'think' it doesn't mean my body will automatically shift back to my normal sleeping pattern. Shall I say 'mind-body dualism'. Haha.

As for my Kosovo trip, if you were wondering. I don't think I could fully explain what we really did nor the feelings expressed during that period. You just had to be there. I was extremely humbled by the experience- we made our product proposals to the project coordinator-a bunch of extremely talented women who oversaw other village women who made these products. They are then sold to the North American market and all the profits go to the women. They still live in a very patriarchal society where women are to be set apart from men in both conversation, intellect, and career (if any).

We spent a lot of time with the director of the Kosovo unit. This organization, Women for Women, is by far some feminist group. They just want to help women rebuild their lives, gain respect from their husbands by providing some money and that is all.

I think the most emotional aspect of the time I was there when we visited a village an hour away from the capital, Pristina, and we met a woman who appeared to be in her mid fifties, hosting a group of six women to create rugs from looms (one week per dinky rug- about 2x3 feet). We spoke to the women at the looms- three that were my age. Heating is a luxury in Kosovo- and the etiquette is to take your shoes off at the door of the house so you can imagine how cold my feet were. Anyway one girl who was the same age as me, told us (translated by the director) that she wanted to go to university yet could not because her parents regarded her brother as more valuable despite her contributions to the family. Women for Women also hold biweekly discussions that focus on marketing, business, ethics, childbearing and other random issues. The director asked her what she wanted to learn more about and the first thing she said was "human rights." And despite all of that, you could see this tremendous spirit and hope from all the people I met- they all wanted to rebuild their lives, and they've exemplified all the selfless quality people ought to have here. I was incredibly humbled by the women we collaborated with- their sheer generosity (like my host family. I stayed at an Albanian house... we all stayed in seperate family houses. Yes it was slightly awkward). Sometimes the water didn't work- I once tohught I clogged the toilet because the water stops working at random times. Haah.

We then proceeded to the room next door where a lone woman was sitting in a cold room creating a rug during the last meagre rays of sunlight. It was freezing in there, the village is way up in the mountains and we had a roller coaster ride trying to get up our dinky car in these unpaved rocky roads. Where's the SUV when you need one. Anyway she sat us at her kitchen/ living room and began to tell us her story.

She came through the war (Serbians attacked Albanians genocide). The villages up in the mountains were hit the hardest- people were shot, houses burned and many Albanians fled to neighbouring countries for safety. Anyway, she told us her husband and two sons died. She has another son and daughter with her in the house. She told us when they finally returned to Kosovo, people began to count their material losses. Her house was burnt down yet she didn't count it as material loss- only people count as material loss for a house can be easily replaced but people never come back. As she talked to us, we could see the tears prickle in her eyes and it made me cry. Her boy just turned 17- and when the male of the house turns 17, financial aid stops. She worries because it supported her and her two children and they now cannot go to university because they don't have the $300 Euros to spend a year for education. She looked to be about 55 yet she was only 45- even younger than my mom. Pain has aged all these women.

But through all this, I couldn't help but see the tremendous amount of beauty in the village. The sun bathed the entire area in this warm golden glow, the house overlooked the rolling mountains and it just looked so serene and peaceful you could never have imagined so much pain was in them. How can so much sadness exist side by side with so much beauty? Here is a photograph of their backyard.

I have more stories to tell but I don't have the time right now. I have over 500 pictures so if you want, I can show you when I get back... in TEN DAYS!! HAHAHA. I've gone delirious. Anyway, we were at another village visiting another gracious family and they showed me their well and I drank for the pail- it tasted rusty. :S

She's Back.

I've updated my blog to beta blogger but it's messed up my image system (how timely). So I'll be blogging more on my trip soon enough within this same entry sans images (argh)... It's 6:36am and I haven't slept a wink. I can't sleep and it's frustrating me. I have two sleeping pills sitting next to me... To take the blue pills or not... I think not. I dislike the thought of being induced into sleep by chemicals. I feel like I'm not in control. Sigh.

Goodbye, Farewell.

Oh yes I know one other thing I'd like to do before I die: visit the Kyoto Costume Institute in Japan... mmm.... Yes I really want to do that. I know a lot of them are so superficial but I don't really care for standing inbetween two countries like in a 'Walk to Remember' (lame movie). Oh well.

Picture of one of the cards I've made. Yeah, I know they're very feminine. This one took about half of a Harry Potter movie. :P

So I will be gone from Saturday, Dec 2 till Friday Dec 8.
It feels odd. Everyone is saying goodbye as if it was their final. I feel like I'm about to be sent off to die or something. :P I've packed- one carry on luggage (to be checked in) and a backpack.
I'm a little nervous right now- I just don't know what to expect on this trip. When I travel, it's usually for pleasure rather than school. I'll have to wean myself off of the internet which I've become to reliant on. It's funny because as much as I feel like I need it now, a few days later I'll be off of it: I make it sound like a drug.

I'll probably send a mass email to all of you- perhaps one or two personal ones but I can't guarantee that I'll have internet for long there. I wonder if my journalist host has internet. Anyway, send me an email or two while I'm gone because it'll make me very happy and I can actually reply those. :) I'm feel a little nauseous right now due to the unknown circumstances of the trip. I just don't know what to expect: random country, war torn country, don;t know the people, don't know the living conditions, not familiar with Croatian or the language they speak nor the food or culture. Hm. I feel restless right now. We were joking yesterday that I'd be the only Chinese person there: I'm going to be a minority!

I also found out Loiser is going to Urbana too with her Western youth group. :)

I'm sad people don't blog more often. Obviously due to time constraints and school, but I really get things out of reading their entries.

Anyway I'll see you guys in a bit... three more weeks till Sam goes back to Toronto! Whoohoo.

I'll leave you off with this image I took yesterday. My roommate and I gorged on free sweet foods at my former roomie's cafe and we felt disgusting and ended up walking to Blockbuster to rent Anastasia. While we were checking out the dvd there were two Asian guys at the counter. I looked at the dvds they were renting in the clerk's hand and one was called' Sexual'.. AAAAAH.Anyway Anastasia was great. Fairy tales make me happy because I'm one sad kid who has nothing better to do on Friday night than do homework and watch Korean music videos with my roomie. Haha. Just passing by a gothic revival church and loved how the moon was just wavering above the celestial tower.