Haircut, Cool Lecture, Rant on Judgmentalists, Lofty Dreams

The Haircut

That's Edna from The Incredibles- she's the mini designer who loves to say "Meeeelaaaahn, dahling, Meeeelaaaaahn!" ("Milan, darling, Milan").

Yeah my roomie got bored so she was living vicariously through me by giving me this really weird haircut. And I have not had short hair in ages. Lol. Well technically it's not short. It looks like an abstract painting really very much like a Picasso. My bangs look like Edna's and then the sides are just like that and then all of a sudden it gets really long in a diagonal swoop it goes down and ends on a tip off to the side. YEah it's really weird. It looks like I started cutting my hair and then suddenly changed my mind. LOL. It's interesting but it may take a while before it grows out. My roomie said two years but I freaking hope it grows out faster than that. This is what the back looks like:

See it's a total diagonal slant! The shortest part of my hair is the left and it's like that on the right in the front. If I really hate it, I'm just going to borrow Bonnie's new wig. I know, it sounds really odd to most non Parsons students, but loads of people wear wigs here. My friend, Gabriella, got her hair cut and hated it so much she wore a wig every day. Lol. Does that seem odd?

Sin, Art and Philosophy Rolled in One: LECTURE

So today we had a rather interesting guest speaker at our Intro to Design lecture who spoke about design and ethics. He said that many designers pay lipservice to ethics- by merely sprinkling in a little recycled paper to make themselves feel better about their products. And he thinks that if you aren't gonna go all the way, don't bother creating 'ethical products'. Design has to be ethical or it's a load of junk. He said since 1945 (creation of the atomic bomb) we have been living in a world of artifice where we're constantly seeking for a relationship between human, nature and technology. And we must live in this world of artifice because he said, "we are failed animals." And I was like "woah, wait a second here. What are you talking about?" He said animals need to be in a specific 'area' to survive- certain climate, certain terrain, certain plants and hunt to feed on. Adam and Eve were designed to live in this world which we call the Garden of Eden but since they sinned and banished from their natural state, humans have since been forced to live in a world of artifice where we are forced to create and invent tools and technology to help us survive in a world that is not our own- where we were not designed to live in.

And I thought "cooool..."

But I'm not sure if that point holds true- I mean, all the animals lived 'together' in the Garden of Eden didn't they? And they lived peacefully and didn't eat each other. But then again I may be totally off.

He had this really interesting way of defining art though. Let me get out my notes:

"Art: unrealizable fragment of possible existence."

What he means by that is that art and design is not problem solving nor is it merely adding glitter to a product, but it explores possibilities, negotiating between what is natural and what is technological. He claims that there are no laws in the artifice- that is beyond the laws of gravity and such. A chair doesn't have to look like the conventional chair. Designers are Possibility Seekers and Design is Consciousness. So fashion is consciousness encompassed on the human body. There is a famous pedestrian bridge which lifts up when a boat has to go through. But it's not just your normal pedestrian bridge which splits into two to let boats pass by- it's in the shape of a curve and it was inspired by the eyelid which lifts up and down. It's the greatest thing ever and there are very few people who could call this "ugly" because it looks quite poetic.

So today after the lecture, in our discussion class, our teacher told us that designers basically deal with the chaos, trying to find the ideal relationship between Man, technology and nature in the state of artifice and negotiating between all three to create something that is ethical.

And then she told us there she had a student who was in a bar one time and a guy tries to pick her up and asks her where she studied and when she told him, "I study at Parsons for fashion design." he said, "Pfft, fashion? I'm studying law at Harvard." And she told our teacher, "Darn I wish I had known that sooner because I'd go back into that bar and tell him what a designer is. I deal with chaos and artifice within a lawless realm of possibilities! And I'm sorry- did you say you study law?"

So jokes.

Fashion on the Defensive

On that note, you always wonder why I get so defensive and worked up about this particular subject. It's because those very people who think they're so clever, deep and wise are proving themselves to be the shallow ones by "pshawing" the design kids. And what does a Harvard student know about fashion anyway?

And yet I had ANOTHER encounter with this two days ago. I have to describe to you what I'm wearing first because it plays into the ridiculousness of the situation later on: a white blazer with short sleeves, a green tank top and black jeans. It's nothing really 'fashiony'- I look normal.

So that day I just came back from the fashion building and bought my roomie some fabric. I enter the apartment and I see she brought her partner into the room to do a project on ethics and design. He looks at me and I said a general 'hi' and hand her the fabric and then start typing away at my computer. Bonnie then tells me that he starts talking about the fashion kids and how he hates them because they're so stupid, shallow and dumb and then guess what he does? HE MOTIONS TOWARDS ME. What the frick?!?! I don't even know this guy and he assumes I'm in fashion because I gave my roommate a piece of twill??? Bonnie then proceeds to correct and tell him that we're both in IDC (Integrated Design) and he can't say anything against us since his girlfriend is in in the IDC program too. Sucker. We also have this mannequin with Bonnie's flowery prom dress on it and he assumes it's mine and says we buy too many clothes when all my clothes fit into my very narrow closet while Bonnie's entire room is filled with clothes- even her closet. He even thinks we're spoiled brats because we got an apartment right next to school- dude I worked hard to get this apartment and by the grace of God, I got this one but you know what? I have been looking for an apartment for half a year and I was the one who had to get guarantors who had jobs that paid $100,000 US (can you find me someone in the tri state area who does?), deal with brokers and superintendents and real estate companies while juggling school. Tell me someone who had to deal with that, and I can tell you that very few people my age have done so. I can say that I 'deserve' this apartment in a sense for the work I put into getting it and partially by the grace of God who allowed to make this happen.

So now I'm apparently a ditzy, spoiled fashion student who owns and displays all her clothes for everyone to see.

Talk about judgmental. He's in Design and Technology and pretends to be all high and mighty. All you people make me sick- you all think you are so clever and wise yet you judge before you understand.

Lofty Dreams

On the flip side, one person who has genuinely been vouching for me is my mom's best friend who is really eager to help me set up shop in China. China will rise to become the Number One luxury consumer, topping Japan and the US in a decade. All the high end boutiques and fashion houses are now flocking to Shanghai to set up shop before the Olympics and many have seen their sales skyrocketing. I, on the other hand, have devised my own plan to get into the market because of the following reasons/factors/observations/guesses:

1) With all the Italian/Western companies rushing in to push the Chinese to buy luxury goods (which were not available to them before hence the craze for status items), there will be a backlash and will generate a strong national desire for Chinese luxury goods because there is ALWAYS a flip side to the big trends like Dadaism is 'anti art' or Comme Des Garcons is 'anti fashion'.

2) Even though many Chinese yuppies are buying in to consumer culture, many still live on Chinese values of saving money and being frugal. However many people still do not have excess money to spend on things other than necessities. So by having the factory within China and selling products within China and HK, you create this production and consumption cycle.

3) 'Made in China' has always been related to cheap, mass produced, poorly made products. That can all be changed.

4) As one of the world's largest polluter, eco-friendly clothing using sustainable practices would do well in a smog filled country that paints its grass and roofs of houses green to appear more 'green' for the Olympics. SERIOUSLY. I think this one would be the hardest to devise. See this model again: Designer in a world of artifice trying to find a relationship between humans (consumer) and nature (what we are trying to conserve and save) and technology (creating sustainable practices and fabrics) which equals to my eco clothing industry plan. HA.

5) I see a future in more low end apparel lines that mirrors closely to H&M or Forever21. As much as I'd love to do luxury lines, it would be quite contradictory to create eco friendly clothing which is only available to a select group of people who could afford a YSL bag. OR I could go into slightly higher end where dresses are not $30 but $250 which would go into the realms of stores like Anthropologie.

In reality, this would not work. In actuality, this would be perfect. This is Sam's goal/ideal. In this world of artifice, there are no laws- just possibilities. Can you tell I've been muddling with this idea for a while now? I do not plan on opening big- spreading across the world- something I read within that book Andrew didn't want.. something about success does not mean having to branch out all over- it can be focused on a select few places. Yeah this makes no sense. It's 3am. Sometimes I laugh at my own plans for my future because they seem quite absurd. Right now I feel a little stupid for writing it all in here because I don't know what's going to happen ten years down the road. Perhaps I'll look back and laugh at my lofty dreams. Perhaps I'll be an Andy Sachs and die in some magazine company (at least I'll have a cute boyfriend- just kidding). Or I'll end up doing something entirely different. Or I'll end up working under another fashion house. Or become a housewife. Ugh, don't tell me I paid and worked $42k a year to become a housewife. -_-

So I only have $31 in my savings account and soon to have less than $1000 in my checking once my rent check is cashed in. Whoohoo.

Yup so that's my rant for today. My goal for Saturday is to write my take home exam paper (4 pgs) based on the statement in the Nudity chapter, "The more significant clothing is the more meaning attaches to its absence and the more awareness is generated about any relation between the two states." and compare it with the Robert Mapplethorpe essay on nudity and the art of undress. And I hate that essay so I have to read it again. Sigh. Any clever law or Design and Tech students want to help a dumb fashion student?

Midterms= Doom

Life.
What can I say? It's been a month.
I don't feel like I'm attending university. I've noticed that those university towns like Queens or Waterloo have strong communities because they have nothing but each other. LOL. While Parsons and U of T (okay I may be wrong with this one) is part of a larger city and thus the students interact more with the outside world than with those in the school.
Next week:
History of Dress: I have to write a four page paper on Nudity and Robert Mapplethorpe's dumb essay to hand in at the time of exam, there will be a quick five slide test and then an essay question pertaining to this week's reading... SIGH.


Kosovo project: A major downer on this one when I realized today we were restricted to children's soft goods, children's toys and home decor/accessories- seriously.... ugh. Anyway I have to have 20 preliminary sketches for her by next week.


Garment Body Studio: Dumbest course ever- I have to finish reconstructing this thrift store kimono. ARGH.


Body: Aesthetics, Culture and Politics: I really really really like this class and discussion. Today we talked about the Body exhibit and the plastination of unknown Chinese bodies and the ethics behind it. You know what some guy said? He said that he thought it was morally wrong to slice up dead corpses and put them on display but had no problems with pornography. o_o Yep but I didnt do the response paper on the Throwing Like a Girl essay so she let me write one as soon as I got home and email it to her... I got to talk about softball. LOL. It tied right in though it did sound a little negative. Oh yeah and I just copied and pasted something in there right from my blog. lol.


Intro to Design: Bland. Tomorrow's class. I have a midterm exam next week. Why are our midterms so early??




On the side note, Bonnie found the song from Great Expectations. :)

The Objectified Body

The body is a subject as opposed to an object.
The body should not be conscious of its aesthetic but looking towards the future in motion- not the present.


What breaks the body's unity:
1)Ambiguous Intentionality: thinking of how to accomplish activity rather than just doing it. 'Ambiguous' in terms of being caught in the present rather than looking ahead at the prize. When unambiguous the body accomplishes the action and body is forgotten.
When you run, do you think about your body? Do you think about how one limb has to be set forth in front of the other? No, you just do it and yet so many of us are thinking of performing the 'doing' itself rather than performing the task.


2)Inhibited Intentionality: 'I cannot' vs. 'I can' thoughts conflict one another and prohibits us from doing. The mind alienates me from my body.


3)Discontinuous Unity From Surroundings: Environment seems to be broken and distant. It's like living in a bubble- there is my own space and whatever that is out there.


When we are self conscious it is as if we feel like a stranger is looking and judging us by appearance and action which leads to the alienation of the body.


Today I was walking to Best Buy to look for some better cell phone packages and I spotted two guys chilling on the side of a store front window. One of the greatest sins of men is passivity. Not far from me were three girls walking ahead with shoppings bags swinging by their sides. One of them seemed to be Hispanic- short, round and curvy and as she passed by talking to her companions, I watched as the two guys turned their heads to rest their eyes on something they should not be looking at. She was wearing jeans for pete's sake. And I was disgusted by them.


The body was created to be a subject yet women are viewed as objects. So there is a discord between the female and her body. While she wants to be a whole, culture has taught her to preen, trim, polish, pluck the body till it is up to standards and viewed for visual pleasure. And this vicious cycle goes- the girl is taught to be careful when she goes out to play and learns to tie her hair in a ponytail and she grows up to shave her legs, apply perfume on her neck and wear silk: and for what? For herself or for others? She is taught to be conscious about her every movement to the point that the mind is broken from the body. She is broken from her surroundings by her appearance- she cannot run for her heels abstain her from movement, her skirt too tight for her legs to stride- so she thinks about her every move and conscious of those who are watching around her. The female is an objectified body and not a subject of one's self- it is in chaos with the mind and with culture.
But this conflicts with what Eldredge said about the female's innate desire to be the beauty- not just inwardly but outwardly as well. So is it really culture or something she was designed to go after?
So I'm not sure anymore- I don't know how to answer that- do any of you know? Is it culture or God given or both or a misinterpretation?


It was a good lecture. I stayed awake for three quarters of it. It's interesting how a small phenomena of throwing a ball could spur such interesting thought. I think I'm going to get a ball one day and see how I throw and try and recreate the masculine way of throwing. What's even more interesting is that in tennis, my backhand is perfect because I'm forced to twist my torso to accomodate my two hand swing while my forehand is never consistent and my dad always tells me it's because I don't turn when I meet the ball. It never feels natural. I wonder if it's my consciousness of my body which results in my inability to actually follow through with the execution of the act.


I'm excited for the next few readings on marriage and love and sex however I think they're more of the secular view on the abolishment of marriage for love does not define such a union. As much as I'd like to counter the author's points, I usually don't even understand their point to make an argument. That's what happens usually when I debate over some religious/secular issue- I end up getting confused of what the other person is saying and too mixed up to be able to form my own thoughts.


Comments Noticed
Wow I just read up on comments that people posted at the end of my entries- many of them which I did not catch at all. I didn't respond because I didn't realize they were there until a month later and not because I was deliberately ignoring you. I appreciate all of them minus the ads.


Defiled Women
Why is that in so many war torn countries, that when attackers come to the house of an innocent family, they try to take and destroy what they hold dearest? And for women, why is that in the form of bodily invasion: rape? Is that the body objectified once again? Is that the most precious thing we have to offer? And rape is used to defile the woman or to humiliate her husband (in the cases of Rwanda).


China's Youth Culture and Its Loss
I was reading up articles to inspire me on my design thesis for Intro to Design and there was this particular article on China's rising youth- they will now save money to buy a pair of Nikes and eat instant noodles all day to obtain them. De Beers, a prominent diamond company in the States, has recently turned its head towards China for profit. But as you all probably (I hope) know, the Chinese give gifts of gold and jade- diamonds are not valued as highly as the former two are. In Western culture, with 'Breakfast and Tiffanys' where the motto is "Diamonds are a girl's best friend", these particular stones are placed at a high value. It's become a tradition to give a diamond as an engagement ring. So the company started to market diamonds to the Chinese public. As I mentioned earlier, in order to sell something you must create meaning and connection between the product and the consumer. In creating a link between the two, the customer feels like they need it and establish that relationship. De Beers has hosted weddings and hoisted a huge diamond image at the events. And as I read that article I got pretty depressed- is China the next America? I don't want that. If China is becoming more and more like the US, can we call that progress? I think not.
In ten years, China will be the number one consumer of luxury goods.
And companies and marketers think they can just barge in and put their Western values on a serving plate for the Chinese to lap up. Instill the desire for them to buy the product and you have the consumer for a lifetime and for generations to come:
Tiffanys has erected a huge turquoise box to promote their image (which essentially is the signature Tiffany blue) and Nike has been sponsoring many basketball teams because very few people play sports in China. Nike created a niche for their products to be sold. From only making $8 million in profits the first year, they've jumped to over $100 million. That's insane!
I feel like we're losing something that was uniquely defined as Chinese. And even as trivial as the traditional gold and jade ring for a diamond. Of course I am not the best definition of a 'Chinese person' but do love many aspects of our culture. Is it slowly dying out to be replaced by the 'American Dream'? Some girl in the article said she took up smoking because she saw Sarah Jessica Parker smoking in Sex and the City. -_- I guess the dumb ones were never meant to live- might as well kill themselves while they're alive. lol. jk.
Since I obtained a select collection of gold and jade jewelry from my mother who got them from my grandparents this past summer, I've always worn a circlet of gold and green on my finger as a representation of my acknowledgment to Chinese history, culture and arts. I know it sounds really cheesy and materialistic but since I am such a horrible example of a Chinese female- someone who can't even speak the language properly, can understand more than she can talk and can't even read or write (not even my name). Yet I express my love for this culture through art. If I had money, I would purchase and collect antique qi paos because I love material culture. Material culture is the study of history and society through artifacts (I got that from my reading). We cannot fully rely on written historical text because they can be biased while artifacts reveal what people in the past valued, cherished, and used. And to imagine how many hours it must have taken to embroider a single jacket by hand astounds me. If I could, I'd buy antique kimonos from the Edo period and store them in wood cases and hang one up. Because for me, examining every little stitch is like breathing in the life of the creator. It takes a year to make a kimono. I cannot imagine spending that much time making one thing. That would drive me nuts. And it's funny to hear my Japanese classmate say that she wants to sell her grandmother's kimono because she doesn't value them. Why not?? They're part of a rich cultural history. I don't understand people.
I wonder if I can go to Shanghai for my semester abroad.
Okay seriously I have to stop blogging because I have to think about my thesis. Crap and I have so much more to say. Tomorrow.

The Difference Between Artists and Regular People

Listening to 'Dawn' from the newest Pride and Prejudice soundtrack.
Itunes is so lame- it doesn't have Great Expectations!! :( C'est triste. So I've resorted to watching one particular scene- it's the scene where Ethan Hawke asks Gwyneth Paltrow to dance in the Chinese restaurant and they run out and end up in his hotel room. And it's the most amazing song ever- the remix to the central theme and Sam wants it! I don't want to buy the cd either because that's the rest are just taken from other artists.


I want to see The Illusionist again. I want the dvd to come out now.


These days my brain doesn't seem to create its own thoughts anymore- I remember during the summer I had so many things on my mind I just wanted to pour forth here and now it runs pretty dry. As much as I think that reading and critical thinking are great- I seem to have no thoughts of my own anymore. All that I say is a regurgitation or a built on thought that was spurred from some reading I did for my coursework.
I did read a rather boring article today on this homosexual photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe (no idea who he is) but there was this one line which was quoted from him,


I'm working in an art tradition... to me sex is one of the highest artistic acts.


Call me strange, but that line struck interest to me. It's true. What's even better is that you don't have to be a defined 'artist' to act upon it.


Directors and filmmakers always seem to make even the most mundane things in life beautiful. Today the cable man came to fix our cable tv box- ends up it died on its own and I'm kind of annoyed because I had to stay in here for six hours waiting for him and we still had to give tip for fixing something that was Time Warner's fault? Anyway I watched Raise Your Voice starring Hilary Duff (total Lois movie) and Elf- the greatest Will Farrell movie out there. Anyway there was this one scene in the first movie where she is a music student talking to her prof and he says bluntly, "artists see things differently from regular people."
I burst out laughing because it sounds like a total art snob thing to say. Bonnie replied by telling me how true it is despite the condescending tone. And as snobby as it sounds, it's quite real. Don't go bashing me for saying that. I guess it's true in some aspects- people don't appreciate the world like I do- everyone has their own way. And cinematography plays in as a great factor- when I see ugly things shot beautifully, it's almost a religious experience. You may turn your nose at me and accuse me of viewing myself as a higher being than the 'regular people' but in terms of visuals, I am. I am more aware of the world in terms of seeing. Don't tell me you find joy in looking at brick walls and folds of fabric- because I do. When I look at a painting or a sculpture- like Rodin's 'The Kiss', I am in awe of its presence and beauty. And so many people tell me they don't know how to appreciate it. There is no how- you can't really teach them to appreciate art beyond the studying of art history and the technical skills. It just clicks from your eyes to your heart. There is no definitive reason for loving something. I can tell you why I like the Mona Lisa but there are so many paintings that are of women, or a portrait or by Da Vinci- that none of these points really set this painting apart from the others. It's just something from the heart. People find beauty in different things from philosophy (not my forte there) to music to helping others. I see it in the tiniest details of the visual arts- I get pleasure out of a picture scrawled on a napkin or how light reflects off the skin- a translucent glow of reddish yellow. I love putting my hand to the light and examining the different planes and the shadows and how the fingers are structured. I guess that's why I love Tolkien more than others- because I love his rich, detailed descriptions. While most people find them a pain to read, I love them. For me, it creates a more sensual experience. My favourite is when Gimli describes the mines of Moria to Legolas and it was so lovely, I painted it on the back of a photo frame which was LOTR themed (yes I'm hardcore)- the entire paragraph which was glazed and fired in a kiln. I guess that's how I write more eloquently too- by taking in these lustrous words and making them my own. I used to write stories and all I'd get to finish was the description of the main character's physical features or the house where she resided.
In terms of movies, one scene I can tell you that I love, is from Good Will Hunting, where there is one very quick shot of diry pots and pans piled in the sink. The lighting is greenish with a tinge of yellow but every object looks almost intentionally placed for a painting. To me, it's stunning. My favourite scene is actually the dirty scene where the guys are all sitting in Ben Affleck's house drinking beer and the room is flooded and illuminated by a pale golden light, highlighting the jade green walls.
And it's great because it makes me appreciate it more- like rain. In New York, we have giant potholes of mudwater and you have to carefully navigate around them which takes a lot of work considering you're fighting against the oncoming pedestrian traffic. And every day my jeans are soaked to the back of my knees. And watching Great Expectations or Memoirs of a Geisha makes me hope for more rain- I love how Gong Li's wet hair clings to her face making intricate webs on her face. I want to go out with an umbrella and raincoat and feel the rain's embrace. After watching Great Expectations, I want to take a stroll in Central Park and find that bridge which they stood under.
Yeah.. I wish I could expand on this topic but I have to sleep.

Nonsensical!

I guess you do create your own opportunities.
It kind of sucks that we're all back in school because now I feel like the Torontonians have faded and taken a back seat.
And I don't think I could live this way where I have seasonal friends who only are in my life when I'm present in the country.
So yeah I haven't been talking to many people on MSN anymore since everyone has dispersed and living their university life. It gets a little lonely remembering the summer and having it be the way it is now. Everyone is busy. I only have 19 hours of school (okay compared to the 30 hours I had last year it a heck less of a burden on me). So tv and watching movies has replaced being on the computer and I get to talk to my roomie.
Yeah so today I got fed up with not talking to anyone so I messaged a slew of people and ended up talking to seven people at once. It was nice. :)


Church was good today too except I keep meeting so many people I forget everyone- it's really sad. Today I reintroduced myself to this guy I forgot until he told me he went to the university of Michigan. After church, Robyn, her roomie Karen, our new friend Jessica and I cabbed our way to the NYU area and went to this small restaurant/cafe called Peanut Butter and Co. because Robyn had coupons for a 'Buy 1 Sandwich, get a Jar of PB Free'. So all the sandwiches were overpriced- I got a 'Jerry Seinfeld Special' for a whopping $6 which consisted of a toasted bagel with peanut butter, honey, and cinnamon- the cashier was really rude and ruined the experience. Well the expensive cost of the sandwich was made up by the jar of peanut butter which was retailed for $6- I picked their 'Dark Chocolate Dream' kind.. Yummy. I want to try it tomorrow for breakfast.
Yep so this coming Saturday, Jessica invited us all to her NYU dorm for a laundry party (because it costs me $2 per load and another $2 to dry at my place) for $1 per load. I'll buy some stuff from Chinatown to bring over or maybe I'll get some flour and make brownies. Hahaha. Yay.... perhaps this is God's answer to my prayers??


My mom sent me a mooncake tin of two mooncakes (one for Robyn) and a plethora of other things like baking chocolate, a Toblerone (which I consumed in one day by myself- whatever- I walk a lot.. lol I'm kind of reckless), some Chinese powder, random tea bags, a Sugus, and coca cola candies. Ultra random but very nice. She's also sending me a lot of fashion articles from the Toronto Star- very cute. :) Oh mothers.
Yup that's my nonsensical entry for today.

Throwing Like a Girl

Not only is there a typical style of throwing like a girl, but there is a more or less typical style of running like a girl, climbing like a girl, swining like a girl, hitting like a girl. They have in common first that the whole body is not put into fluid and directed motion, but rather, i nswining and hitting, for example, the motion is concentrated in one body part; and second that the woman's motion tends not to reach, extend, lean, stretch, and follow through in the direction of her intention.
-Iris Marion Young, On Female Body Experience: Throwing like a Girl: A Phenomenology of Feminine Body Comportment, Motility, and Spatiality.

I remember people used to laugh and say that when someone would execute a weak throw- and honestly, it's slightly insulting.
We have to write five responses to any weekly essay we choose- and I think I'm going to do this one. It perfectly embodies my softball 'experience' as a spectator, of course, and how the guys always move up closer to the diamond when a girl steps up to bat. And as much as we all wish that things would be different, it never really is because females carry this philosophy of 'I can do it' yet jeopoardize it with self doubt and end up fulfilling our own prophesy of falling short.
The author writes that females often have a fear of getting hurt and are also conscious of her own space in relation to her environment. That's why men walk in long strides, swinging their arms side to side and women often hug their books to their chests and continue to sit with their legs closed, arms folded or close to the body. There is also that fear of body invasion- the most common example is rape. Working with the Women for Women organization, I had to read a few articles on these impacted women- one was raped by several men and then they took a machete and hacked her hands off so she could bleed to death. Some were raped in front of their families- and after their husbands wanted nothing to do with them since they were unclean. And I cried because it wasn't fair- that these women had to suffer for the lusts of men having to carry this constant fear that some man on the street could commit such an act any time he chose to. The past few weeks, I woke up with nightmares of something occuring to me.
But something I read in the essay was interesting- when lifting something, men tend to plant their legs on the ground so that their thights bear most of the weight while women focus on their arms which are subject to the actual lifting. And having to lift my huge tv onto our new tv stand yesterday, reminded me of this. I've taken note and next time I shall try the 'guy thing'.
The essay concludes that women are just as capable as men but have this disunity in where their mind is still in an 'I cannot' mode which jeopardizes the task at hand (lack of trust), fear of getting hurt and a spatial brokeness in that men have a 'great capacity for lifting a figure out of its spatial surroundigns and viewing relations in space as fluid and interchangeable, whereas females have a greater tendency to regard figures as embedded within and fixed by their surroundings'. The female body, then, is viewed as a cumbersome thing she must have to carry around through menstruation, pregnancy and old age- something she views as rather feeble and weak- useless in function but aesthetically pleasing to the eye.


So perhaps this eye- nervous system problem I have does not have anything to do with my nervous system but the psychology of the mind that I learned at a young age. But I'm afraid to even try testing it for fear of being laughed at. Because I remember in gr 2, Ryan laughed at me because I blinked when the ball came. People would throw or worse- pretend to throw things at me to watch me react and it hurt. So whenever people played games, I wouldn't participate for fear of being laughed at. Honestly, if I didn't have my sunglasses during those softball games, you'd think I'd have some issue with my eyes because even if the ball was not remotely close to me, my first instinct is to close them.


Yep, time to read the next essay (1/6!): The Diffusion and Regulation of Fashion, Dress in the Middle Ages.

Chores

So this Tuesday I'm going to go with Bonnie to Chinatown again because she's doing a project based on an ethnic area.
I love buying groceries.
I know most kids hate it and they complain that they have to go buy food which is annoying and cutting into their busy school schedules.
But you know what, not having Chinese food sucks like no other. And that's what motivates me to go out to Chinatown as much as I hate the amount of people who are there and getting in my way while they're browsing fake Louis Vuittons and Rolexs at the street vendors. I think living here in New York has made me really cherish Chinese food- I am ecstatic when I enter the Chinese grocery store and pick up soy sauce, frozen dumplings.. the other day I discovered this underground supermarket and I got half a pound of char siu.. omg. It was amazing. I plan to go back and get a pound of char siu and soy chicken.
I enjoy 'cooking' dinner. When I go home to cook rice, I love opening the box and taking in the wafting sweet fragrance of the rice- it's just delicious. I love that smell. Hauling that 25 pounds of rice was worth it. You don't understand how crazy Robyn and I went when we first got into that supermarket. Incredible. And the best thing about Chinese supermarkets is that everything is a lot cheaper than Caucasian places- it's incredible!
So for me the joy of eating has also transcended into the making of it- I really like the sound of eggs frying in the pan- that crackling sound as they cook. It's just so satisfying to hear.
And that's what I don't get. Kids back there simply go home during the weekend to pick up stuff that their parents make for them and take it back for the week- and they complain about going to the grocery stores and whatnot.
I like going to the supermarket and selecting what to buy and looking for good sales. It's fun.
So the moral to this story is that TORONTO PEOPLE STOP TAKING YOUR FOOD FOR GRANTED.


On that note, I've also had to do the dishes more and now have the jobs of cleaning the toilet and bathtub and vacuuming and such- and my hands are starting to get very dry from the constant washing. My roomie really does not take initiative in cleaning so so far I'm the only one who cleans extensively.
I don't really mind it right now- I actually semi enjoy it because I like being in a clean environment (who doesn't) and just watching all the diry and grime being washed away makes me feel very satisfied. So when I'm bored, I clean- it's really sad. Yeah but hopefully the novelty won't fade or else I'm screwed. :P
So we watched Great Expectations again. I love the soundtrack but for some odd reason it doesn't pop up on my roomie's Limewire nor on my Itunes music store. -_- Lame. Or maybe it does and I just don't know the name of the song. Certain songs give me chills because they're so great. :P


I have a total of six essays to read this week. Whoohoo. Apparently our guest speaker for Intro to Design is supposed to be really profound and enlightening. LOL. We shall see about that eh.




A picture I took during the summer of our white bleeding hearts.

rich kids and being talked down by adults

I remember why my parents didn't want me to go to Holy Trinity back when I was choosing a high school- they didn't want me to be influenced by all the rich kids. It was a good decision on their behalf to do so because I am now constantly surrounded by them and I guess it makes me feel less satisfied with myself as blessed as I am. It's that ugly feeling that I'm trying to push away. It really does suck.


I don't understand why I cannot get respect from certain adults- it's as if they've assumed me stupid and dumb already. My roomie and I are convinced that the superintendent and his wannabe Paris Hilton wife (she wears banana yellow velour suits and has a tiny dog, her hair is the colour of Malibu Barbie and her skin is orange) are racist and really dislike us- his wife in particular. She thinks we're dumb Asian girls- yet she's really nice to other adult tenants and even to Asian guys- well because they're male.
The other day I was in the elevator with the superintendent- someone who I've seen very little of since I moved back and the first thing he says accusingly is,
"You haven't been recycling have you- I haven't seen you two downstairs yet."
In my head I was deciding whether or not to glare at him as if to say "How dare you be so disrespectful and assuming" or to smile and correct him.
I chose to do the last since I know I have to deal with him for the rest of the year and being nice would shame him. I told him, "Haha we recycle all the time! You've just never seen us. In our room we have a box for papers, one for cans and another for plastic- and we only go down once a week." He said that was good and I told him to have a nice day.
Little does he know who he is talking to. Fashion and Sustainability/Environmentalism major! Come on, I am so anal about recycling. Before I left to Toronto, I bought a huge jug of eco friendly washer fluid for clothes and I recently got some eco friendly toilet cleaner.
From then on, I've bumped into him a number of times and held the elevator door for him and said hello. His wife, on the other hand, I've said hello but she either grudgingly responds out of politeness or just tries to ignore me.
I dislike adults- they often think they can talk down to teenagers because they're older and they think we're just plain immature and stupid. I remember in gr 11 I had just purchased this magazine at Loblaws across our school and I sat down at their little caf area to read it and this worker comes in and asks me if I bought it. Who does that?? If I was an adult she would not dare to approach me and speak to me like that.


Anyway I have to sleep now since my eye hurts because the superficial cells from my eyes are starting to shed. So goodnight!

SCHOLARSHIPS!

Whoohooo!!! I FINALLY GOT MY SCHOLARSHIP AWARD LETTER AFTER THREE MONTHS OF TRYING!
One loan, and the rest are scholarships. Sweetness.


Federal Loan: $3,500
LaGuardia Presidential scholarship: $5,000
University Scholars award: $1,500
BFA Scholarship: $10,550
BFA Deans Scholarship: $2000


Total: $22,550 for whole year.


YAY! I am so happy. I thought that by the time they processed it, there wouldn't be any money left for me.. I think it's even more than what I got last year!! YAYYAYAYAYAYA!


On the side note, I encountered another weird person today. I was walking to the Salvation Army to find more supplies and this huge black woman was walking down the street with her friends with her PANTS DOWN. As I pass her, she looks at me and says "Miss, I wet my pussy." and then proceeds to lift her shirt to show me her huge stomach.
Not a pretty sight. Is it too early to be drunk at 4pm? lol.
Bonnie also has this straight friend who dressed in drag today to visit our apartment today in tights, a corset, fake D cup boobs and a whole face of makeup. He's even more girly than I am. And yet he's straight (he's into anime if that explains anything and likes to go to conventions). Yeah... NY is weird.

Over Philosophized: Sam is Mind Boggled

My roomie and I were bored and procrastinating so we put on make up and took about 30 pictures on her Macbook. They are hilarious since you can do all these 'magic mirror' effects. I took those pictures of her.. Pretty cool eh? The first is of her holding a wine glass, the second is her alter ego- the left side of her is undone while the right side is full blown with hair up and everything. The last is just a close up of her eye which I really love. Click them please.


Ugh.
So I went to my Body discussion today and we talked about the Laughing and Crying essay and what Plato and Descartes were talking about being human.
We ended up talking about Descartes who said you could only prove anything if you doubt everything. This is what I wrote:
I can doubt that I exist
But I exist because I doubt
I can doubt I have a body
So therefore I am a thinking thing.


So I exist as a thing thing.
I have an idea of God.
God exists because we cannot imagine things outside of our experience
So God exists.
If God exists then I can trust what is clear and apparent.


Yep so that's what we talked about. Very Matrix.. and I thought "cool, we're actually talking about proving God's existence in a Body class."
Our prof posed us the question, "can you think of something that you imagined without having it derived from something else? Take the unicorn for example- it's a fantasy creature that was derived partially from a horse. Can you think of something that's not derived from what's been created?" And I thought hard and I didn't have anything. I suddenly felt very unimaginative and my brain was about to explode for it had searched in what depths it had for something original yet was in vain.


The speaker at our lecture also accused Christianity of always having this mind-body dualism in which the mind and body are seperate entities and the latter is weaker and succumbs to the flesh. Yet I remember our pastor giving us a sermon on how the mind and body has to act as one (at my old church). Anyway he said that at the end that "People who tell the truth are put to death". He was referring to a few philosophers but it just made me think of Jesus.
Anyway, back to the essay discussion. It was insane... We basically dissected this essay on why we laugh and cry. I got so confused and bepuzzled at the end- I felt like I could grasp everything yet didn't get anything. So if you understand this, I will declare you God. This is what I got out of it, hang on with me:


Laughing and crying seperates us from animals, but is animalistic in that we don't control it.
Laughing and crying are in the same range of processes like blushing, turning pale. vomiting, coughing, sneezing and other vegetative processes, largely removed from voluntary influences.
On the other hand, laughing and crying are involuntary actions in the sense that we lose control in the process yet can be voluntary actions when we induce to laugh (yet it's harder to induce crying).
Laughing and crying replace language and expressive gesture when words cannot express how one feels. It is the body in which he seeks for an answer.
"Jokes appeal to men with a gift of reason and intellect; remorse is experienced by men with conscience and heart. It is always the WHOLE man who is implicated, now more superficially, now more deeply, when he laughs or cries."
Jokes prove that it is the understanding of the mind evoked through the body hence this belief if mind-body duality does not exist.
"Speaking and acting show man in his mastery at the height of the free power of control given to him through reason." so laughing and crying must be the height of uncontrolled power.
"On the other hand, with laughing and crying the person does indeed lose control, but he remains a personm, while the body, so to speak, takes over the answer for him."
"The brokenness of man's relation to his body is rather the basis of his existence, the source, but also the limit, of his power."


Yep.. so there you are. Mind-body dualism does not exist.
I didn't really understand the entire essay- it took me about an hour to slowly read and reread the material.
That's my philosophy for today. Now I have to write a response to the difference between having a body, being a body and the lived body. What the heck....

It's a Date

Dude, second year is sure a heck easier than freshman.
What's up with that?
And they tell me it gets easier every year- grads have told me that freshman was the hardest year.


Today after my HSC class at the Fashion building (we had a lovely fire drill during our class), I was searching for trim and fabric stores for my garment class. I stood on the corner looking at my sketchbook trying to get my directions and this 70 year old man (wrinkly face with blue eyes) in a suit and tie comes up to me:
Business man: Hi
Me: Hi
Does he want directions because I'm trying to look for a place too...
Business man: You're a very pretty lady.
Me: Haha. Thanks.
Business man: Are you a model?
Me: (more nervous laughter) No.
Business man: Are you single?
Didn't like where this conversation was going to. I was thinking of lying and saying I was a lesbian or taken.
Me: Yes.
Business man: Would you like to go out with me some time?
Me: Haha.. no.
Ew..Do I look like a prostitute?? I don't need a sugar daddy.


And then he just leaves. I think he was kind of pissed. This guy was old enough to be my grandfather! I'm glad the first time someone asked me out was an old man. LOL. Then again, caucasians age fast so maybe he's 60. Who knows. I was going to ask if he had a wife and kids.
That's one negative thing about New Yorker men- they're very open.


Anyway I haven't been blogging but I presume everyone is busy so it doesn't really matter. Life is good. My class is canceled for tomorrow morning so I get to sleep in. This is the life.
Nah. I've had a lot of problems with companies and I never got that $300 back from HSBC which is crummy. What an expensive lesson learned here.
And I feel so old already- maturing really quickly. Is this what it's like living as an adult? Having to handle bank accounts, health insurance (I was having problems with my insurance coverage which led to many back and forth calls from my insurance company to the doctor's office) and dealing with internet companies (My internet died three times in the course of six hours... so much calling to the company and setting up wireless)?
I don't like dealing with all these things on top of school.

Faceless Blogger

Gong Li is so sexy.
I'm watching Memoirs of a Geisha for 'inspiration' on my garment project (yeah right, it's more like I don't want to think). And I love this movie because it's so detail oriented in terms of set, prop and costume production- I keep stopping it every few seconds to examine the obi cloth to the hair pins to the food on the table. It's total eye candy.




My favourite Korean actress: Song Hye Gyo (actually the only actress I know). She starred in the Korean drama along with this guy. She's really pretty.


I read something interesting within the same article I wrote about yesterday: the man aims to cover all of his self in a suit which then only reveals so much his head which represents the intellect and the mind. Everything on the man is vertical, say the tie for example, points and leads to the head. For man, intellect is key and not his physique.
For women, everything is horizontal emphasizing the bust and the waist- symbols of fertility and feminity. Women, unlike men, reveal certain portions of skin to highlight their beauty and not their intellect.


I've been having nightmares for the past few days of the same kind of fear.


I'm happy.. so far I like my church- I met a lot of people today and they were all really open and friendly. This 24 year old guy comes up to us and asks us how old we are and is surprised that we're so young. He then proceeds to ask us if we ever heard of the VHS tape and the VCR before and if they were around when we were young. LOL. We told him we're not THAT young. So funny. He also asked me and Robbie if we said 'eh' after every sentence.
I was with another group of people- this time with uni grads who just started working and this guy asks us where we were at. When I told him I was a sophomore, he gives me this surprised look because he thought I was much older.
Yeah I also found another freshman from Parsons who also went to South Island school in HK which was kind of cool. I went to Island School- an affiliate of SIS.
And there were Chinese people too! Not just koreans!


Someone asked me what ethnicity I was yesterday and I said "chinese" and he said I didn't look Chinese but either Korean or Filipino. I cracked up because I don't look like the latter at all. He must have been drunk.


As I was making those collages yesterday I thought of putting a picture of myself or myself with friends after seeing other blogs in which people would post dozens of pictures of them and their friends. But I've always had this fear of strangers reading this blog who I don't know; my thoughts are very much of who I am and I've chosen to reveal probably more than most people usually do.. and just the thought of connecting these entries with a face- giving the writer (in this case, myself) an identity would just be way too close for comfort. I feel without a picture- that sense of a veil remains in tact- this disconnection between writer and audience still exists. It's my way of not revealing all as an art nerd who finds images a very powerful medium. Of course that may all change, you never know. I only dare to post pictures of friends and family right now.

Life Illustrated

For all the graphic designers out there, excuse my poor skills in aligning images- I know they're off. I made this in ten minutes.
I really like the song 'Reason' in that Korean drama.. and Ave Maria- great great cinematic song.

Blog Visualized

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned.

Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

-William Congreve

I really do write better when I'm either extremely angry or depressed.
Perhaps that's why the Bohemian artists were suicidal and always drinking Absinthe.
I just read a particular post I wrote about a month ago and thought it was one of the greatest entries I have ever written. It was just smooth.
Why can't I write like that all the time?


Our school is so messed. There's a giant hole inside- I presume we're going to have an actual spacious lobby for us students to hang out but for now, there's just a big white thing surrounding the building. Welcome to Parsons.


Not in the greatest of moods. I'm making a photo collage of pictures I've taken this summer. Click each picture to see close up- I rather you click on it to see the larger version because these puny thumbnails don't do them justice.

Top, from left to right.
Neighbourhood while taking a walk with mom, fuchsia in grandmother's apartment, Lois's eye, Robyn's prom, bike roade at Mt Tremblant, Grace's photoshoot, Centre Island, softball, glass at the courts at retreat.


That made me feel better. In fact, I'm just going to make a huge one. These pictures are dear to me not because they're necessarily spectacular but as I wrote earlier, I've attached some kind of meaning or memory to them. I love the one of Lois's eye. It just looks so calm and reflective in my own personal view because I remember that day was well spent.

Rendered Thoughts

Why is that at balls and parties, when man comes dressed in his usual style, fashion requires woman to display her person, to bare her arms and neck? Why must she attract man's admiration? Why must she secure his physical love? The only object of a woman's life is marraige, and the shortest way to a man's favor is through his passions; and woman has studied well all the little arts and mysteries wby which she can stimulate him to the pursuit. Every part of a woman's dress has been faithfully conned by some French courtesan to produce this effect. Innocent girls who follow the fashion are wholly ignorant of its philosophy. Woman's attire is an ever-varying incentive to man's imagination- a direct and powerful appeal to his passional nature.
-Elizabeth Cady Stanton


In the United States, invitations often indicate appropriate dress for a formal occasion by only stipulating (or at least suggesting) appropriate male attire with phrases such as 'White Tie' or 'Black Tie.' This indicates that a specific mens' ensemble of coat style, trousers, shirt and accessories is preferred wear. Women subsequently define their dress according to current fashion to fit with the injuction for male dress. Dependong on current fashions in silhouette and other details such as skirt length, this usually means that women often choose an appropriate gown, or in contemporary times, a 'dressy' trouser ensemble.
-Dress, Gender, and the Public Display of Skin, Joanne B. Eicher


The first reminds me of Captivating, the second is something I've never thought about but an interesting note.


Crazy Salesman
Yeah so today I was out for five hours shopping with Bonnie. We had to go to the Salvation Army to find something for a garment assignment which was annoying because I really wasn't inspired by anything I saw there. I miss Value Village.
We also went to the bank and I found out I withdrew too much money before I came back so I had to pay an overall $300 fee. :( I feel sucky now. I feel like the Shopaholic but I spent it on house stuff- I thought I could buy all the stuff beforehand so when I returned back, I didn't have to go out buying toilet cleaner and whatnot. Sigh. So I have to go to the bank on Monday to beg them to waive the $300 or at least half of it. I really need to learn how to do online banking. That was the downer on my day.
For the most part it was pretty good- Bonnie and I went to this shoe store she really wanted to go to and she went to buy this pair of $80 shoes which she said she couldn't stop thinking about. The guy was a little weird- two ladies started talking to us about vintage stores and the guy kept asking me to try stuff on and said we looked so beautiful in our volumous attire. He also gave Bonnie $10 off of her purchase so she 'could buy dinner' and said we should go out for drinks. He also asked us when we got drunk, if we kissed. I was like "what are you on??? Because we dress alike, we're considered lesbians?" No, I told him I didn't drink because I didn't like the taste. He was bewildered and constantly asked me why I didn't drink: is it really too much of an answer to say I hate the taste of alcohol? He asked me if I would just have water at the bar. I said I would have juice. For some reason he thought that was hilarious and cracked up. Yeah but he was nice though. We found out that they drink in the store and by late afternoon, all the salespeople are drunk. Hm, that really answers a lot of questions I've had about that store. It's a nice store but the people are crazy in there.


Design and Meaning
I learnt that when someone creates a product- it will only be successful if a meaning is attached to it. We are so deeply attached to things like fashion and basketball because we've found some meaning behind it. We create meaning. Why else is there such thing as consumer loyalty? We all know that the Ipod is not the greatest invention ever made for portable music players but there is a meaning attached to it that has people buying them up. I don't have an Ipod because I don't see how they're so much better than the ones in HK.


Partying
On Friday night, Allie asks Bon and I if we wanted to go to this hippie party with her and Liz. I said I didn't want to and Bonnie seems quite annoyed at me and asks why. I said I don't like going to a party where there is so much drug consumption and drinking and she said I didn't have to participate in it. She gets so frustrated as to say, "God Sam, why are you so boring! I wish Allie was my roommate." She said it in a really sarcastic way- sounded like she was half joking but I was really hurt by that. She said that she could say things like that to me since we were "so close" and even if I did care, she would not. By then, I got kind of pissed at her and refused to talk to her for a good half hour. I don't understand why people don't give up on asking me about parties- I'm not into that kind of atmosphere and activity. Anyway, Bonnie didn't end up going anyway.


On that note, she randomly comes up to me last night and tells me she's jealous of me. I was a little surprised and asked why. She said it was because whenever she looked over to my desk, I was always talking to someone on MSN and that her conversations with her friends back home were pretty shallow. The funny thing is is that I really haven't been talking to many people the past week. But I have my good friends. :)


Are we gay or what.. we take pictures of ourselves with my baked goods. HAHAHA. It's worse but I'll leave that out lest you think I'm semi crazy/retarded.


Anthropologie
If my teacher asked me what brand I'm loyal to, it would be Anthropologie except they carry other brands. Haha. Anyway I was at the store yesterday because it was raining and gloomy outside and I went to their sales section and guess what I found?? MY RICHARD AVEDON PHOTOGRAPHY BOOK!!! Though it is primarily a clothing store, they always have the greatest design books and they're always going on sale. Omg I was going nuts because the price was slashed from $65 to $30 and the book was still wrapped in plastic. Yeah so I hauled that upstairs and the cashier was admiring it and the cashier next to her started eyeballing it too and asked if there were anymore downstairs. They said it would be gone by the end of the weekend. What a find!! I love my design books- my dream is when I get a house, to have one room for all my design books so I can always find some inspiration from them. :D


16 Blocks
An H&M is opening a few blocks away from me. As soon as that opens, I really have no need to wander out of my ten block vicinity. It's so sad. I have all that I need right within this area of Manhattan: school (except for the Fashion building), movie theatre two blocks away, a chocolate bar, two grocery stores, two banks, H&M, park, anthropologie and other stores. It's really sad how lazy I'm getting. I only need to really get out of this vicinity when I go to Chinatown, church, Fashion building or on a field trip. LOL.


Men and Women
Our teacher told us this story from Kosovo. Many of the women during the war, were raped and abused and will not speak about it anymore. Anyway, many of them are unemployed so this couple of men, who owned a wood workshop, trained about seven of them to become skilled at the art of carpentry. Eventually when they graduated, two of the women set up their own shop right across from the men's workshop. Because women's hands are more skilled for very small and detailed work, they decided to give them the projects that required such talents such as constructing honey boxes for bees. And I thought that was so cool- that the men would rise to the challenge to help train these females in utter selflessness though they were ridiculed by their peers and even though two of their students set up their own shop across from them, they still gave them business! They knew that they were not as skilled as the women were in detailed work so they decided to pass the job to them and didn't view them as competition. And I thought that was so incredible because there were two men humble enough to help others. These women also started training other women to be carpenters as well. Cool cool cool. Those are the inspiration stories that really gets me.

Philosophy: Fashion, Fear and Phobia

I can't seem to run away from it.
As much as I say I dislike philosophy and all those people who are so 'immersed' in it (I find some of them so incredibly full of themselves as if nothing else mattered but head knowledge and there is this disregard for aesthetics) I've realized my entire semester IS BASED ON PHILOSOPHY. I also don't read up on that stuff because I find it really hard to apply it to situations in reality. Yeah but the stuff I'm taking is better than Aristotle. Someone is going to shoot me for saying that. :P
Today I had my Body: Aesthetics, Politics and Culture discussion class and we were discussing Michel Foucault's famous Panopticon essay which I only half understood but the good thing is, I understood the main points.. and that's all that matters. He's this French philosopher historian who wrote many famous books like Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison and some book on sex, talked about this power machine that someone devised up. Bear with me:
Imagine a tall tower created from reflected glass. Around the periphery is a circle of prison cells which are back lit and have large windows facing the tower. In each cell is a madman, a school boy, a patient and a policeman (?). Whoever is in the tower can watch all the prisoners doing their daily things but no one can see into the tower. Thus every prisoner learns to self-watch his own activities because they don't know if anyone is watching from the tower. The greatest tool about this tower is that if the prisoners are left unsupervised, they'd still behave because they don't know if anyone is watching them: being seen by the unseen. The prisoners themselves becomes the bearer of being the watch guard. I think this quote perfectly summarizes this idea,
So to arrange things that the surveillance is permanent in its effects, even if it is discontinuous in its action that the perfection of power should tend to render its actual exercise unnecessary.
And isn't that like our world today? Like Facebook (no I don't have it so forget trying to stalk me) now records your every doing from writing on someone's 'wall' to who's space you checked.. this is what I heard from Facebook users and I find that really creepy- it shows your every move! It's exactly like Foucault's idea of the Panopticon! And the small things now such as how shopping sites like Amazon track what books you like and offer suggestions. It reminds me of Minority Report.
Yeah so now my next reading is about Laughing and Crying and why we do it as bizarre it sounds and how we're on a higher level compared to the animals.. My prof said it was really philosophical so I pray that I'll understand it.
And then I flipped through my course pack and there are articles on the 'female body experience' and 'throwing like a girl'. Really neat stuff but I'm not sure if I'll be able to understand it.


After class, the cable man came by to set up the tv and internet and I was kind of scared because I was in the apartment alone and people keep telling me these things so I just started talking to this six foot black guy. I told him about Parsons and when I told him I was in fashion and sustainability, he raises his eyebrows and said he's never heard those two words together before. I said that's exactly why. Yeah and he asked me if I spoke french and I told him I was considering going abroad and all. He said he spoke french and creole and he was from Haiti (you mean the place where they deforested the entire land and now it's practically dead?? HAHAHA.. world issues, man). I told him about HK and he said I must have liked shopping there. And I thought, why are you judging me like that. I felt very self conscious inviting this stranger into my apartment where my entire space is my bedroom- and every part of it speaks of me... and I know it seems extremely 'girly' with pictures of fashion images and art images and a picture of Gong Li... and I had all these shopping bags lying out because I think Pat left them all in my apartment.. He touched a nerve there. Anyway, Allie came over 15 minutes later while he was still working and I gave her some cheesecake.. he didn't want any. Yeah so after dinner we went to Forever 21 and H&M to buy clothes for her PR interview tomorrow.
I must say, I was tempted. I want a pair of opera gloves. There was this bright red coat Tania hates but I think is brilliant (because all pretty things are essentially useless..lol) so I carried it around the entire store though I didn't buy it. Why do I want so much? Bad. But I got to see Allie spend $200. lol. I'm training to psyche myself to buy less. It's been going quite well. But the consumer culture is insane here- shops don't close until 10 and I was surprised that there were so many people shopping even until 10pm!! Crazy.
Production is driven by consumption- the one good point I got out of that useless Walkman essay.

Examining the Body

Hm. Perhaps I should start learning some Korean since I am watching so many korean shows and now have two korean songs on my itunes and Parsons is basically overflowing with koreans. It's sad because all the pure koreans don't come up to me and talk because they know I'm Chinese but all the non Asians assume I'm korean and possibly can't speak English well enough.


The pictures above- the first was taken at Bryant Park where Olympus Fashion Week is now taking place- they just set up big white tents and a load of celebrities, editors and photographers come to view the shows that take place inside. The front entrance was crowded with people hoping to catch a glance of an actress.
The second is just another one of my food obsessed photos of a pear tart at the MOMA. Haha. Gotta love the captured texture.


So I just came back from my History, Culture, Society 1 class at the Fashion building on 41st st... I decided to walk it rather than sub to save two dollars. Now I'm tired.
It was a really interesting class- loads of information just poured out of our prof's mouth. I usually can't sit in a lecture and just listen- after an hour, I'm just desperate to bolt out. Our classes are all 2 hours and 40 minutes long so that's awfully long and our room was so stuffy. Yeah but we learned a lot about the social evolution of the body in the cultural and fashion sense. And if you know your art history, it becomes even more applicable and you understand more about how fashion lives in everything. I don't think every uni students gets to examine different aspects of ornamentation from the painted body, the scarred body (like in many African tribes and tattoos here), the malleable body (Lotus shoes, the women with necklaces and tall necks). Yeah we saw a lot of Playboy pictures which was really weird since I've never touched such a magazine before and here we were examining the cultural ideal of the 70's- a huge, fake Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith.
I'd like to share a few 'insights' with you because I find them so interesting- it's an examination of the body through Christianity.
During the Gothic period when the Church was the central authority, the body was viewed as something temporary. There was this focus on the soul- the interior, and there was little regard of the exterior because flesh was fleeting while the spirit is immortal. If you've ever seen a gothic church or have examined gothic architecture, you know that the churches are very thin and extremely tall- as if they were stretching towards the heavens. Creating such tall and airy churches allowed the peasants who came to worship (who lived in low houses) feel a sense of wonder, revelation and holiness within this building. The figures that were carved and set within the churches tend to be really lithe and thin- extremely nimble, tall statues that stare gloomily back at you. Why? Because Man was supposed to put his entire focus within his soul that it left him almost emaciated since the flesh was fleeting. I thought that was really cool.


I also learned the most random things today-
-In the 70's it was popular for women to be hairy in their private areas so if you ever see an image of a nude woman (and don't use this an excuse because I highly doubt any of you will) with a lot of pubic hair- it's an image from the 70's.
-In the Renaissance period, people used to commission artists to paint beautiful pictures and hung them in their bedrooms so hopefully when they stared at them and made love, their children would be born beautiful. LOL
-In the 19th century, women were depicted sleeping or half asleep with their hair undone (usually only loose with husband) and naked- a romanticized yearning for the medieval times when women were rescued by knights in shining armour.
-When the turn of the century came around and democracy on the rise in the West, there was a return to Greek-style clothing of goddess dresses.


But anyway, back to the Chapter on Nudity, there were a few thoughts I found interesting which I'll write down here,
-The more significant clothing is, the more meaning attaches to its absence, and the more awareness is generated about any relation between the two.
-For Christians the corruptibility of the body, dressed or undressed, lies in its fragile suseptibility to decay and sin, but the special corruptibility of nakedness among naturally clothed humans lies in its readiness to seem not only erotic but weak, ugly or ridiculous. If nudity were going to represent anything good besides curde sexual desirability among the much-dressed Western Christian nations, art was going to be required to make it beautiful, strong and apparently natural (So true if you've ever taken life drawing before and are exposed to real people! We've gotten so used to the cultural norm of thin- we've forgotten what bodies really look like)
-Nakedness, of course, has its own fierce effect on desire; but clothing with nakedness underneath has another, and it is apparently even more potent (ie clinging or transparent garments).... clothing that envelops, swallows up and seems to replace the body also enhances its importance, differently but no less powerfully.
I've mentioned this point before.


Yeah so that's that. There was a lot more interesting stuff I could blab but it wouldn't make sense unless you had an art background- just how the ideal body has changed throughout history and we examined all these paintings of stylized figures that were nude but seemed to be wearing clothes (like there was this nude woman with very perky breasts spilling over, small waist which would be unrealistic in real life but this distorted view of the human anatomy was due to the rise of the corset thus artists would paint women according to the fashions of the time). Really cool observations.


Speaking of corsets, my roomie has about four of them and yesterday she decided to put me in one of them as I was talking to my mom on the phone.. She laced the entire thing all the way as far as it would close..
And now I understand the pain those women had to go through back then. My ribs were hurting, and when I tried to get something on the floor, I could only bend from my pelvis and I couldn't breathe properly- had to take short, quicker breaths. But my waist was tiny in all of vanity's glory. When she finally loosened it, it felt like I had just gotten up from lying on my stomach and chest too long for my ribs were aching slightly. I could feel my fat readjusting itself to where it was supposed to be and breathing a sigh of relief after being pushed around and locked in.. hahaha. And my roomie wears them all the time.


Time to read 40 pages on the Sony Walkman. Sigh.

The Golden Sun Blooms a Thousand Lilies

I couldn't think of a title so I just made this up on the spot.
I'm not feeling very well. My throat was scratchy today- I've been taking immunity-boosting pills.


And It's Finished
Yeah so I finished the Korean drama... dun dun dun! The LAMEST ending ever! Omg, I can't even start describing how lame it was- the girl dies from leukemia, her brother is heartbroken and he lets a truck kill him but he does this slow-mo flying across the air gesture and it freezes on his head and then they basically do flashbacks from all six cds and then he dies. HOW LAME.


It's supposed to be a sappy movie about the fate of these two people who were destined to be together no matter what or who came between them. The only parts I teared at was when the daughter and mother were seperated or when the mother realized something went wrong with her daughter... My roomie was moved too.. Oh mothers.. I miss my mom.
There was this cute scene when Eun Suh is in the hospital receiving chemo treatment...where Tae Suhk, Eun-Suh's brother's best friend (who is in love with her), tells her he'll be back to see her in the hospital in three days.. Then he ponders and says, two.. and then one.. and the decides to return the very same day to see her. awwww.. He then turns to her and says, "I think I could do anything if you'd give me a kiss and see me off to work every day."
Cheesy? I rather think it's the power of intimacy.
Yeah but if I ever meet a guy like Tae-Suhk, I am marrying him. Bonnie laughed and said "Duh,"
The guy is absolutely adamant in pursuing her to no end despite that he can't win her love, but gives her treatment and spends time with her.


Now I think it's time for a LOTR marathon. I miss my LOTR. Ah yes.. and I want to show my roomie 'Good Will Hunting'.


I was just thinking today... that if I am so open to share my 'deep' thoughts and so afraid to share my shallow interests and ideas.. then aren't my 'deep thoughts' technically shallow and my 'shallow thoughts' really deep? Because then those things I keep to myself are the more intimate part of myself yet those 'deep things' I write about is accessible to everyone. Just a thought.


Yeah did you know they don't have Maltesers here??


One weekend I'd like to go to Central Park and just take a stroll under the shade of the trees. Sigh we are in dire need of trees here.


The Origin of Ideas
So I read this article on 'Pantopticism' and the idea was that if prisons were like schools, the government, police, office where they force people to work, have codes and laws- aren't schools prisons? And that was a crappy thought- I'm in an invisible prison. Sorry I'm not being articulate right now.. sleepy.
As I wrote before, my blog is very much based solely on my own opinions or from things I hear... but I've noticed many people like to quote from books. I don't really like to read anymore- I used to read a ton and I've had phases where I was really into chick-lits, art-history fiction and finally Chinese-Western fiction. As much I'd like to read non-fiction Christian philosophy and whatnot- I just don't have the attention span to read UNLESS it just grabbed me right off the first few chapters or so.. Like Captivating really got me (until the last three chapters) and I love that book... but I've lost interest in reading these days.. New York is so cramped and I just want some mental space. I already have read 100+ pages this week on nudity and prisons. I also am afraid of being disappointed with a book once I start it and realize it was only mediocre. The past summer, I purchased tons of fiction and three quarters of them were mediocre or just plain bad. Waste of money. I just don't want to set myself up for it.
As you know, I'm very into my images especially those from magazines so I read a motherload of those whenever I find the editorials and advertisements appealing when I flip through them.
And I guess it's good in a way that I don't quote people- I formulate my own ideas- though I may be slower than people who read it from books, I find these thoughts stick with me longer than those that I read.. I suck at quoting from books or remembering sources so experience is key for me. I also have been taught to be more observant- more so within the aesthetic realm- which I've applied to books and encounters that I went through. Of course there's a balance with all that I say- I understand that reading books are important and not just basing life on your own self made thoughts. But for my own blog, I find it crucial that I quote less and write more of what I think. After all, if you really wanted to know what CS Lewis thought, you could just go to Chapters and get the book- I don't find it necessary to quote an entire excerpt here. This is me.


Private vs. Public Space.
My life as a New Yorker consists of very little private space as opposed to public space. I am around someone 24/7 UNLESS I'm in the bathroom or if my roomie is not in the apartment. That's it. Otherwise when I change, go to bed, do work, vaccuum, cook... I am with someone. And I guess it's getting to me a little- I'd like some privacy- to shut myself out from everyone else and not worry about that their eyes are on my back. To make it worse, our windows face the inside of a school so when I wake up I see students hanging around the windows so I always have to be cautious so I wouldn't be seen. Sigh. But I'm quite used to being around someone now that I've lived with three girls in a room the previous year.


Christianity vs. Art.
I've been learning a lot this past week from my lectures and essays.. some things I've already known but never fully fleshed out in my head... or just little tidbits here and there. Believe it or not, I'm learning a lot about Christianity through all my art lectures and discussions. Although there is a strong opposition of God here, it's very much a large part of our topics. Today we discussed the fact that the church opposed art in the early ages because they were afraid people would idolize the art.. so in the medieval times, artists weren't known and the images were controlled and stylized according to what the church wanted. The art was supposed to point the congregation to God, but not become God. But as time passed, revolutionary artists such as Cimabue, Massacio and Giotto started gaining recognition for their Christian art- because after all, all artists want to build on what has been accomplished and take it to the next level. They no longer wanted the same sterile, controlled look. So eventually in the Renaissance period, we now have established, famous artists such as Michelangelo and Da Vinci who have done tremendous things like the Sistine Chapel and the Last Supper. The sad thing is that the church (in some ways.. then again it does bring tourists which means revenue) is held with less regard than the paintings themselves which have now become icons of Renaissance art. Art that was supposed to point us to God has become disassociated with what it was initially connected to.

Autumn Tales, Cheesecake Dilemma, Learning Humility

Just came back from watching Korean drama.. okay it's really called 'Autumn Tales'.. It's kind of like your typical Moulin Rouge plot except it's about two girls who got swapped as babies in the hospital- one is poor and one family is rich. The main character- Eun Suh- is extremely kind and generous but the other- Shin Ae- is cruel and cold. Eun Suh and her 'brother' have a great relationship and her parents love her. Well they find out they were swapped as babies and they swap back so now the good girl is living with her poor mother and her brother who is a thug. Yeah.. so the rich family and Shin Ae- the cruel one- go to the States to forget what happened... and one day they come back and Eun Suh and her 'brother', called Joon Suh, fall in love and there is family chaos over this 'incestuous' relationship. In the meanwhile Joon Suh's best friend, Tae Suhk is crazy over Eun Suh and he does great leaps to win her affection and of course, he is hurt. And then there's Joon Suh's fiancee- this needy, annoying girl- who tries to kill herself to make him stay with her. Yeah... so now Eun Suh gets cancer and Tae Suhk lives with her in Seoul to get treatment. I feel sorry for him, I don't understand the depth of his love to win this girl he knows he can't get to.
Yeah so that's the plot for you. :P


I only had one class today (hooray!) so I came home and attempted to make fried rice... I called my mom at least five times asking her specific questions... and omg, perhaps it was because I hadn't eaten all day so at 2:15, I tried a bowlful and it was absolutely amazing. I shall be living on fried rice for the rest of the year till my ears start spilling rice, corn, eggs and spam. HAhaha.. I had a fun time making it, laughing at myself for stupid things. I packed some for Robyn though.
Yeah... so my roomie, Robyn and I also went grocery shopping and I decided I wanted to make a chocolate cheesecake with a sour cream top and chocolate shavings (you know.. because I can't cook but I can make desserts)... so I bought all the ingredients.. but in order to make the cheesecake, we had to make room for it in the fridge so my roomie and I each ate a quarter of what was left of the tiramisu. LOL. We're in no lack of sugar here. Yeah so I wrote half of an essay and then my mom called with the cake recipe.. I prepared the crust which had to be baked.. and then I went to the oven and saw.... er... THERE WAS NO TEMPERATURE CONTROL OR DIAL TO SET THE OVEN!!! I flipped out. My roomie comes to examine the stovetop where the dial should be but it wasnt there. So I called my mom to tell her our oven doesn't really work and she bursts out laughing. -_- I then walk back to the kitchen and notice our stovetop had five dials- not your regular four. Turns out the middle dial was for the oven- it's just really old school. I was extremely happy though because for those five minutes that I thought we didnt have one, I hated our apartment.. how was I supposed to make muffins and brownies?? Yeah so we've got this ginormous chocolate cheesecake sitting in our fridge. Many people who come to visit ask us what we eat since they only see sugar, sugar and more sugar.


I'm learning to let those random acts of kindness speak for themselves- to let them slip away without saying anything and unnoticed. To learn humility and just know that my Heavenly Father would reward me for my doings. I'm just so tempted to tell my roommate, "I washed your dishes." and inwardly say "Thank me! Thank me! Acknowledge me for what I did for you." Yeah... it's hard for me because I like (who doesn't?) being praised for the good things that I do for others.


How are you guys doing? I hope you're all adjusting well to university life again just as I am to the city.

Worship, School & Method Man

Interesting.


I just read from pages 83 to 156 on this chapter on Nudity. And the last section was on... pubic hair. It was really weird. I know, we talk about odd things at Parsons. More on this later.


Songs that bring Your hope,
Songs that bring Your joy,
Dancers who dance upon injustice.


So I went to a new church today. It's Korean American and most of them are college kids and the service was freaking long: 10:30 to 1pm. That's just worship and sermon. It was pretty good though- it was on corporate prayer- very much like what Pastor Francis was talking about... and the speaker even mentioned how there's a movement going on in Toronto- the rise of the Christian youth. They also did the Korean style of prayer- people all praying aloud simultaneously and I got a little dizzy because everyone was talking as was the pastor and the worship team was playing and singing and it was really stuffy. The worship team was really talented though- it was a long long worship. I didn't know three quarters of the songs but the song of response was 'Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble'- an old song that most of us know. But I was really happy to hear it because I finally knew a song that they were singing! When they got to the lyrics above, I felt this incredible joy surge inside and He literally took my breath away. This church is pretty expressive- guys jump and raise their hands without feeling self conscious. You can say that I was riding on that 'spiritual high' but I really did feel something different- something I haven't felt in a long time.


So Parsons:
Females: 2400
'Men': 600


Looks like I won't be marrying anytime soon. HAHAHA. jk.... not.


The Number of Steps an Average American Takes Each Day: 10,000
The Number of Steps an Average New Yorker Takes Each Day: 25,000


Dude I walked at least 60 blocks today.. from 53rd and 10th Ave back to my home at 13th and 5th Ave.
My roomie and I ate at the Museum of Modern Art- I love the caf. I got a ticket (for free since I am a student at Parsons) to the museum and just spent $10 for lunch. Lol. I didnt' se any exhibits. I just came for the food. :P So on the way home, we saw Olympus Fashion Week was taking place with many people crowded in the front.. So I went up to see what everyone was looking at and people were just coming in... I don't recognize celebs so not sure if anyone was famous. I did see Daniel Vosovic- you know that guy from Project Runway who I took a picture with? Yeah I saw him going to the tents again. I finally recognized someone on my own. :P


My roomie told me that she met Method Man the other day.. LOL. Since she dresses in Japanese Lolita clothing (basically what porcelain dolls wear- frilly over the top stuff), the photographer asked her to take a picture with him in this comic store she was in because my roomie looked 'wild'... she had no idea who he was until the photographer told her. I have no idea who he is either. Yeah so she requested a picture with him on her own camera and Method Man asks her, "do you even know who I am?" And she replies, "uh.. you're Method Man?"
So funny.

Magazine Lying in the Garbage

So I am reading sixty pages on Nudity.
The intro was really interesting. I'll write more about it later- it'll help me understand all the concepts better if I try to regurgitate it here. Perhaps you'll learn a thing or two.


The other day while my cousins and I were walking in Greenwich Village, I was glancing around when this huge picture of Christian Ricci caught my eye. It turned out that there was the newest W magazine lying on the top of a garbage can- a pristine, glossy, almost new issue just sitting there wasting away because of some unappreciative reader. I must have cried out or something because Michelle, Jackson and Grace turned around to see what I was making a fuss about. I picked it out of the garbage and Michelle instantly whips out her semi-used wet towel and wipse the back clean. And everyone is just laughing at me for wanting something so much that I'd take it out of the garbage and clasp it close to my body and take it everywhere.
Michelle then told me that Jackson had this preconception (prior to when they started dating) that girls spent a lot of money and were high maintenance.. And then he met Michelle and our cousin Grace who is pretty frugal and then I think my magazine escapade just topped it off.


So Robyn and I went Chinatown today and we were like kids in a candy store at the Chinese supermarket. We were pointing at the shrimp chips and frozen won ton like it was some rare exhibit. And people there talk to me in English. :( But dude we got a 25lb bag of rice for $10!!! And Food Emporium sells a tiny bag- about five pounds for $12!!! Frick. Yeah so I was smart and brought a small roller suitcase and I stuck all the groceries in there and rolled it everywhere.. Yeah, Sam is smart. :P I also got a dark and light soy sauce for a mere $1.5 each and we got Chinese snacks and premade har gao. I'm so thrilled right now.. we also went looking for rice containers to store the uncooked kernels and I found this store very much like the Toronto One's store and they had the cutest Japanese rice container. It's very narrow to save space but really tall. Half of the lid pops open so you can reach the rice easily and there's a removable storage shelf where you put the rice scooper in. Omg.. And the entire unit has two wheels on the back. It's the coolest design ever! Simple but pure function. I am going to take a picture of it and send it to my mom. LOL. I know I'm really lame. But it's just great design! Yeah the rice container was the highlight of my day.
Robyn got to see my apartment for the first time... and I then settled down by reading a load of my essay.. I have to read sixty pages on Nudity man... And guess what? We have to read an article from Playboy. As a reward for being able to put up with so much reading, I had vanilla yogurt with sliced bananas and cereal. LOL. And then I talked to my mom on the phone for half an hour babbling my doings of today. I also treated myself to more Korean drama- they seriously cry in every scene. The drama is so messed up. Well they have two more cds to bring it to a great ending. -_-
I'm really tired so I'm babbling whatever comes to mind first.
Tomorrow's doings: Go to a new church, have lunch with Bonnie at the Museum of Modern art (amazing food), buy sewing supplies and... DO MORE READING AND WATCH MORE DRAMA.
I also got the first season of Entourage so that's going into my future watchings. Unfortunately I will have to write essays this year so I can't really type and watch tv at the same time. :(
Okay I'm going to bed.

She Is In Constant Rotation
Everything is so temporary, said us.
I had dinner with my former roomie, Allie and Bonnie and we wandered around the streets towards our traditional cupcake favourite- Magnolia Bakery discussing life now and reminiscing about the highlights of last year together.
And we started saying that everything felt so temporary though it's our second year- a time when we're supposed to be settled in and comfortable in all that Manhattan has to offer. Yet this apartment feels just as temporary as the 13th street dorm. All three of us are considering going abroad next year so we'd have to sublet this apartment. And Bonnie wants to return to Cali after she graduates- and I? Will I stay remain here? She said if someone got a boyfriend here, then you miss the holidays together since you return from where you came from- and if you got a boyfriend at home, you'd hardly see him because you're here for nine months a year. It's all so temporary.. What's the point of settling down in this apartment? What's the point of trying to find him when I'll always be moving around? I'd hardly get to see him if he did hail from the north. And I'd feel sorry for him to have to put up with me.


LECTURE
My Intro to Design course was scaring the life out of me because we have a quiz every week and three exams which is very rare in art schools... but then I found out it was open book tests where we can basically do the reading of the week and analyze it and write notes and bring it in to use for the quiz. Except my last test is on the 22nd of December.. so hopefully I can make it back on the 5pm flight with Robyn. :S But my prof is really chill- this mid to late twenties woman who asked us today to read a five page paper and to find the thesis. And all I could think was, dude I can do this! This is what Schiffer trained us to do back in gr 12- looking at essay after essay and searching for that one line.. Yeah... if I ever go back to UHS I am definitely thanking her for killing me. I feel so prepared and confident for university.


More Korean Drama
So I was watching more Korean drama today and there was this really cute part where the two cute/hot guys were talking to each other about the main girl.. The brother tells his best friend (who is dating his sister) all the little quirks about her- how she always picks 'rock' when they play 'rock, paper, scissors' or how she sleeps with her back to the wall and has a big smile on her face when she's mad... And I just felt happy because we could all revel in the little differences in each person that makes them so lovable and unique- things that most people would miss unless you knew them intimately.. Just like how in 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton' (lame movie), the guy knew the girl had seven different smiles and could list what each smile was for. It's all the subtle, little things.