Hope Lies Somewhere in the Distance

Part 2 of Series One featured two entries earlier.

I want to draw one last panel but I'm not feeling the characters right now. What's she to do next? I'm not so sure. I have yet to find out. What I can't do, she'll do for me.
I would rate this as one of my favourite Best Kiss movie scenes. It's soooo pretty and cute and yeah. The sound of the fountain just tickles your ear and the soundtrack is so good! Plus I like the girl's shoes. ;)

This time last year, we were at the matsuri.

I went to the MET opera today to see the Philip Glass event. It was interesting: not bad but not amazing either (there was a lot of dead air in the last act which consisted of ghandi walking across the stage for five minutes -_-). It was a good experience. And I got to take the flapper dress for another drive again. What happened to those days of dressing up to musicals, operas and shows? They're dead.

Two weeks left.
My list of things to do includes three papers and two presentations but beyond all the typical school humdrum: having a friend who will be leaving on the same plane as I to Toronto, the Sakura Matsuri if it's still there with Robyn, Senior Night (I have to bake two dozen cupcakes thanks to my facebook Dessert book album. Now I'm the assigned dessert maker), go to a couple more personal trainer sessions at Crunch gym, get a haircut at this Japanese hair salon that's supposed to be really good, get my act together and go to the 'Superhero and Super Chic' event at the MET with a friend dressed up as a superhero version of Edna Mode from The Incredibles, hit up a few more restaurants around town I've been wanting to try, perhaps buy a camera/swimsuit plus find time and people to celebrate my birthday with.

I now lament the fact of having not booked my ticket to go back to Toronto later. At times I want nothing to do with a place that gave me so much pleasure; the pain of letting go is greater than all good things that dwell there.
Mmm and now I think about it, two weeks left until I turn 21. I should plan something to celebrate this special birthday (american that is), but I don't think anything will beat last year's. I don't want to be disappointed in thinking this year will be any better than last. I could say that with a lot of things but this one for sure.

Since the time I moved to New York I have been so focused on charging ahead to graduate, now as Senior year is approaching, I'm afraid because I'm not sure what life will bring me next after this. So far it's been a cookie cutter template: go to elementary school, high school and then get a degree in college. Now comes the 'find a job'. But in my field, I need money to get a job and I need job to make money. So with a year left, I'm a little afraid of saying goodbye to Manhattan. I actually want to stay for a little while just to play. =S

Il a demandé que s'il le pourrait savoir. Mais je l'ai dit que je ne veux pas que il sait cet chose. Je realise qu'il ya les choses que je veux le dire quand il est avec moi.
He came up in my dreams in a very similar storyline that I dreamt of with another guy almost a month ago. But this time he was holding her hand. And instead of feeling hopeful, I felt sad.


I needed some colour to brighten up my day: my friend needed us to 'model' for her with red balloons in the Meatpacking District for a photography class.

Painting the Sky Pink

Click it! Nothing but infinite space and blossoms. Inspired by a Japanese photographer, I shot it in a similar style where the branches are not grounded but just shooting up into space.


*



Large sculpture of Takashi Murakami's work


His rough work: this is one of my favourites. He drafts up what he wants to do in small scale with colour swatches next to every area that needs to be filled in

I was watching Great Expectations yesterday. This is one of my favourite scenes. And I love the Tori Amos music.
He takes her frail, wrinkled hand and places it on his chest.
"Do you know what this is?" he said.
She looks up at him remembering how she had done this to him when they first met some twenty years ago when he was just a little boy.
"This is my heart, and it's broken."

Brunch Sex and the City style. Takashi Murakami exhibit. Cherry blossoms. Dinner party at Buddakan in the Meatpacking District at 11:30pm.
Tomorrow the Philip Glass opera at the MET.


Canopy of flowers in full bloom: it's so thick you can't see anything else but flowers.

How can I not say I am blessed?
And yet despite all these good things- I'm not sure.
Why do tears well in my eyes then?

-I've been monitoring the cherry blossom map for quite some time and I jumped at the fact that the blooms have peaked. So I told my friend that along with the Murakami exhibit which just so happened to be next door, we would have to see the cherry blossoms even though the festival is not until next weekend. And omg, it was lovely. IT was even more beautiful than last year. The blossoms were so thick you couldn't even see the sky. And there were a lot less people. We could just sit down anywhere underneath the sakura and just enjoy its shortlived presence.
It's beauty lies in the fact that its death is so near.

-I've noticed many people are so absorbed in their own little worlds, they fail to ask others what they've been doing. It's not like I want the attention, but I feel like I'm so grounded in their world, they never see through mine. I think that's why I'm writing this post actually but omitting all the big details so that no one gets in. I've become really resentful to the fact that people think I care about them so much when in fact I'm just trying to find something to keep the conversation alive. It's not that I don't want to care, but there's nothing for me to care about because I don't feel like people are emotionally investing in me. Relationships are give and take and I feel like I'm doing all the giving. Correction: many times I am doing all the giving and I feel like I'm being used. So I'm going to just stop. Unless people give, I'm not going to respond. This is not really about selfless giving as it is that I'm socially exhausted. And if people are not putting in the effort to try, I'm not going to either.
-After talking to someone the other day, I realized the reason why I don't recall a lot of what other people say or whether or not I've told someone something about myself or some event that just took place is because I hang out with people one on one so I'm repeating myself so many times, I feel like a broken telephone thus I don't recall who I've said what to who.
-The last week one of the apprentices from my Small Group asked me in private what I wanted to see change in SG. I said I would like to do an Inductive Bible Study rather than a Q&A style. And they actually took it to heart and we did one this past Wednesday. It felt so good. And we all learned a lot from just digging into the Bible as a group rather than students fishing out answers from "teacher".


Buddakan where my friend had her party: I call this the 'Harry Potter' room

-I feel like my entire life is just a bunch of paradoxes strung together.
-The birthday girl's boyfriend, who I sat across from last night, said I reminded him of this anime character called Sakuya from Tenchi Muyo:

Never seen it but it must the hair or something since I had it pulled back.

-The older I get, the more I realize what a miracle a marriage is. A while ago, someone close to me said she wasn't dating because no one's really impressed her enough. I was quite surprised and disagreed. Looking at it now, I understand what she meant. I think there are two fundamental things I'm looking for in a potential relationship: initiative on his behalf and a strong spiritual leader.
For the first, it's really easy. The majority of the times, if any guy from church, asked me to go out for lunch, I would because I like making new friends. There's a lot I could say on this but I'll just move on.
Despite all the Henry Clouding, He made me realize the importance of finding someone with a strong relationship in God. And I've noticed that most guys are one or the other.
-There are times where I think I should start weaning myself from Toronto. Because I meet up with people one on one and the week is only seven days long, every day is filled with another social/school event. New York life is busy, but my heart still lies somewhere within the quiet, tree lined suburbs of Toronto. I'm torn: I see the familiarity of life in Toronto slowly dissipating. There is little left for me there to really go back to because there is nothing to hold onto. Living in the present is hard enough, why I do I constantly try to scrape together a past that is nothing more than few faded memories? Perhaps I should accept the fact that New York is my home now, and Toronto is just another chapter ended.
Like Sayuri, I most resemble the traits of water. But not because I want to, but because I have to. And sometimes I feel like I'm just barely holding on.
God will you be the center?
-----------------------------------------------------------------


A year later- do you remember? I tried to recreate it.

I tried to go back. I tried to go there. I tried to go to a place that's still there, slightly different from what I imagined and from what I remember. But I couldn't. I closed my eyes and tried to remember that sensation of living, but I couldn't. I can't go back now as much as I want to. In love's sanctuary, I want to return to where there's a place of comfort that needs no words to satisfy it.
Do you know what this is? It's my heart and it's broken.

Hello, Goodbye

Putting words into pictures: Hello or Goodbye?

My drawing style is increasingly becoming more like a hybrid of fashion drawing and anime.

I just keep staring at this picture; it embodies all that I feel.
I miss too much but this time I refused to.

The Jer and Sam Rap: Canto Style

We tried again due to our success in english, but this time going back to our 'roots' and rapping this time in Cantonese.
Rapping in Cantonese, you say?
Yes it was doomed for failure from the start:

§åM: ho yeii!!!!!! (peace sign)
Gerbil: ho fobby wor!
Gerbil: getting into the mood? haha
§åM: mei yei ah???? Of coase, dai lo!
Gerbil: now rap in chinese for me haha
§åM: let's see you do it!
Gerbil: guy bean do da bean lo
§åM: HAAHAHAHA
§åM: that's so short
Gerbil: but so cool visually
§åM: deem gai lei gum cho, lei sik mm sik rap ga dai lo!
Gerbil: lei jee ngaw ho ging, tone my ngaw ho ying
§åM: (I have no idea what you just said.. something about being really good... and style? lol)
Gerbil: you know i'm very ging
Gerbil: "ngaw" is how i say "i" or "me"
Gerbil: it makes more sense to me
Gerbil: i've seen ngo, but that doesn't sound right
Gerbil: what were you saying?
§åM: ohhhh ok lol
§åM: lei gau tou ho dai, dan hai lei mm hai ho fai
Gerbil: ho fai?
§åM: (very fast)
Gerbil: ah haha
Gerbil: ngaw dee rap ho jiang, meen yau ho liang
§åM: lei ho chee yut fai beng, lei jun hai mmm hai ho jeng
Gerbil: beng? lei wah ngaw bean ah?! ngaw fay doot doot, lei leen ha!
§åM: wow this is hard LOL
Gerbil: hahaha yes it is
Gerbil: let's stop :P

The Jer and Sam Rap (remix)

Shun from Hana Yori Dango's F4

So me and Jer decided to 'rap' our entire convo out for more than an hour. For me rap means just trying to find words that rhyme... It was quite hilarious. The following people are mentioned: rin,angie and shun. lol. Happy readin', homies:

§åM says:
jer brings out the black in me HAHAA
Gerbil says:
but i didn't put it in you so it was just dormant and i'm the warm sunlight giving it a chance to blossom
Gerbil says:
so beautiful
waiting for the spring in yo steps as you flow to the beat, kn'i'mean?
§åM says:
to get my groove on?
§åM says:
start breakin' to the spring awakenin'?
Gerbil says:
as it grows up, you gotta break it down
§åM says:
gotta break it down without lookin' like a clown
Gerbil says:
be the talk of the town, gotta reach for the crown
§åM says:
gonna do it without a frown, till I'm blue, black and brown
Gerbil says:
gonna do it in a gown, while spitting freestyles profound?
§åM says:
that's right jer gonna bring ny around, so that it goes homeward bound
Gerbil says:
dawg, the dog pound? or north to richmond mound?
§åM says:
I was thinkin' of them hounds, homie, how does that sound?
Gerbil says:
sweet like sugar coated ground, like stealing from lost and found
§åM says:
tryin' to find words to rap to I am confound, so change the syllable sound!
Gerbil says:
no prob, consider it done, like a mickey d's bun
§åM says:
although this is hard it's kinda fun, like to try my eminem skillz for the run
Gerbil says:
eminem's not the greatest one, better lines have been spun
§åM says:
c'mon now nothing is new under the sun, even 50 is old despite havin' survived the gun
Gerbil says:
he makes such a big deal i won't be stunned, if behind his image he's feiminine like shun
§åM says:
(HAHHHAAHAAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Gerbil says:
( )
§åM says:
hey don't be hatin' cuz rin likes him a ton, you gotta admit he's got style and the charm, hun.
Gerbil says:
don't know why y'all like that man nun. he got less balls than an empty cannon
§åM says:
(that doesn
§åM says:
t rhyme!)
Gerbil says:
man nun and cannon?!
§åM says:
FINE
Gerbil says:
hahaha
§åM says:
he's prince charmin' cuz he'll slay the dragon, and set free the princess enslaved in her dungeon
Gerbil says:
straight bars would probably shun shun. he eats up little boys just like a luncheon
§åM says:
(hey you cheated- you used the same word!)
§åM says:
you just can't stand him cuz he's ballin, and all the girls for him are fallin
Gerbil says:
(i'm not using the same word to rhyme, well, not really and it has double meaning so it's good )
§åM says:
-_-
Gerbil says:
in the industry he made it, would've failed if he started naked
§åM says:
if he started naked he'd look like michelangelo's David, chiseled and Greek-like he could have been the star in your favourite film 300
Gerbil says:
don't know how he's got such a fandom, but no one compares to the spartan phantom
§åM says:
you obviously don't know the power of the shun kingdom, he's got more moves than michael jackson
Gerbil says:
there's no power in that bone wagon. i look more ripped when my muscles relaxin'
§åM says:
these muscles of yours obviously came from daydreamin', shun's got the girls pining
Gerbil says:
yo this rapper's so hot i'm steamin'. to step up to me, shun needs to be double-teamin'
§åM says:
shun's so sexy he's gotta be undressin', on the court he'll be ballin and on you slam dunkin'
Gerbil says:
only thing he does is strippin. clearly that girl be trippin
§åM says:
nuh uh his moves are slicker than those of michael jordan, and he's just as suave as 007
Gerbil says:
dont' know why you'd think he's a baller. he's got gay man's lipstick on his collar
§åM says:
if he walked down the city streets girls would holler, he's eye candy for the discernin photographer
Gerbil says:
who the heck would want his photo? maybe those with a fetish for homos
§åM says:
you're in for a rude awakening cuz so many girls like hana yori dango, a guy is better off learnin their moves from them than bono
Gerbil says:
stuff like that should be banned though. or soon enough girls will ask "where'd all the men go?"
§åM says:
no our standards for men have been raised by that show, F4 has got class, power and dough
Gerbil says:
girls who like them are like lesbos. i could ask f4 "what's alesse, bro?"
§åM says:
so what are you sayin' about rin's status quo, I can tell you she's certainly not into homos
Gerbil says:
can't say she's real straight can she? i think she's kinda into angie
§åM says:
angie's hot and you know, as rin says, smexy,
if she came to new york, she'd be as popular as the yellow taxi
Gerbil says:
oh is that how she rolls? and rina needs to see a real manly hero
§åM says:
if you're thinkin of yourself you're crazy like nero, you've got little chance close to zero
Gerbil says:
more like heroic as neo, but much smoother than ne-yo
§åM says:
if you wanna be a hero you gotta be like frodo, now don't go sayin he's a homo!!!!
Gerbil says:
what, wear a ring and hide in the closet? that guy chickens out like his crotch is a faucet
§åM says:
THAT'S IT
§åM says:
WE'RE OVER
Gerbil says:
that was a good finishing move wasn't it

Hear You Me

Image from a collection I did last year which I titled 'Haiku'

Good Will Hunting: Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

I love the instrumental intro to 'Hear You Me' by Jimmy Eats World. So beautiful- it belongs in some romantic film.

After I came home, I thought all the plugs were secured in this glass heart. And then I heard the song and you came worming in through again, seeping into the cracks I thought I covered so well.
Why is it that when I see certain relationships growing, I also am reminded of the dying ones? And in that happiness of being able to nurture some of them, I'm faced with an inevitable sadness and a desire to mourn for those that are slowly flickering out. And because in this life feelings of sadness and pain are stronger than happiness unless reconciled, the relationships that are wilting are the ones that affect you the strongest, not the growing ones.
Our worlds are so fragile. The more I talk to people, the more I understand how when we entrust a secret to another, the beauty in being vulnerable.

There are times when you realize when you got what you want, you start running
because you're afraid. Afraid that what you dreamed of has actually come into realization and you're not sure what to do with yourself.

I miss Andrew. Looking back now, he's probably the friend that has lasted.

If someone to ask me what my favourite songs are, they'd probably think I have the worst taste in music. One's a ripped off version of a classical piece with an injection of pop. Another a japanese ost song with english lyrics that make no sense like a Lovegetty photo card.
But there are two reasons why I listen to certain music over others:
1) It's personally to my taste
2) The songs have memories inscribed into the songs so when I listen to the song I remember the person who recommended it to me or a certain time when I listened to it.

sohochinatownbakerybrooklynbridgebedfordparkbrooklynbridgemanhattannightskylineitaliansundaesandcones.

5 stars.

Ru Guo Ai

Last of the series: Woman in Prayer 2

If my life was meant to be read like a book, well, this is one of the most ironic coincidences ever.

When your heart is so set upon someone, why is it so hard to peel yourself away?
I realized my social life took shape in this manner because of the blatant absence I encountered every day since my roommate was elsewhere. Another part of me did it because I want a life before March 07.

If only love was like Moulin Rouge in having the absolute confidence to say "though nothing will keep us together...we can be lovers"

I wonder if I'll ever be able to be so vulnerable to someone. I grasp onto my cards so tightly the blood is draining from my fingers. Despite what I thought about myself, I'm still very much a closed book when it comes to certain things.

Food Snob

Woman in prayer 1: click for more detail on fabric design.. it got lost in all its subtlety

Feeling... alone.
My mom, aunt and cousin left a few hours ago. They stayed for two nights and I went with them and slept in their hotel the past two nights, registering for courses at 8am in the morning on wireless downstairs in the hotel lobby in my pjs with my mom at my side reading the course codes out so I could type them out faster. It is all but shadows and dust.
The highlight of the weekend? We had a $600 dinner at Bouley- an inconspicuous restaurant that resembles a hobbit house. The most wonderful experience of that night was upon opening the large curved wooden door with a gold plated etched 'BOULEY' sign on the front, was the small entrance. The door leads to a small room where there is a row of slim wooden shelves with dozens and dozens of apples sitting there. The sheer act of opening the door allows the breeze to blow in, allowing you to catch the lingering fragrance of the ripening apples. It was absolutely divine because it was unexpected. Usually one expects to be first tantalized visually with the interiors of the space but to engage the olfactory was quite delightful.
To be honest the foie gras was too rich for my taste. Oh a tasting menu is when you choose from a specially selected assortment of foods that the chef decides upon that season/month/week/day. You choose your appetizer, entree and dessert and at nicer restaurants they give you sorbet to cleanse the palate and other additionals to keep your meal going like canapes and a variety of bread. Bouley had the most stunning assortment of fresh bread from olive oil to raisin to pepper to white asparagus.
Oddly enough my favourite dish from the entire menu was one of the free desserts they gave us. It came in a shot glass of raspberry crushed ice and a dollop of rose petal flavour ice cream. The ice cream tasted like perfume and the raspberry was so sour: on their own it was a little odd but when you ate them together, the warmth subtlety of the ice cream toned down the harsh, acute taste of the ice, making it into the most wonderful blend of flavours. Yeah, I had a Remy/Ratatouille moment right there. You could see the sparks flying behind my head:

Yep there it is in all its splendid melting glory.

Yeah I also took them to the restaurant I went with Robyn for my birthday. It brought back good memories. Sigh.



Fabric swatches

I am lucky. I am lucky to be living in one of the most expensive, cosmopolitan cities in the world. I am lucky to be a student studying and living here at the expense of my parents- not having to care about having enough money to buy food or watch a movie. I'm lucky to have parents who support my decision in my fashion major. I am lucky to be living the abnormal life of a college student. My definition of caf food is essentially the five hundred restaurants and cafes around me, my version of entertainment either a movie from the cinema across the street or dessert at the cupcake cafe or wandering the streets in Manhattan, my style of party being masquerade balls. New York is my campus, the people are the students and all that is in it is at my disposal. They say New York is so different from the rest of America, one does not know what to do with their self once they leave. It's "back to reality" beyond the Hudson river. And here I am accepting this as the norm.

God, I am so lucky.

On Snobbery
A friend once said to me, "Sam's taste in food is really picky. She knows exactly what she likes and doesn't like." I thought, whoa there, I eat Chinese food from First Markham! I'm not picky at all.
The fact of the matter is is that I love food. And I love well made/presented food. Food, beyond the basic functions, has now become a dressed up item in our culture. It has become a foundation for all social interaction. When you want to make a date less awkward, what do you do? Eat dinner. When you want to meet up with a friend what do you do? Get coffee. Food acts as a means of doing something and detracting attention from the self because everyone needs it to nourish their bodies.
New York has taught me to be well learned on food. I know good ramen from crap college ramen, I know where to get fresh milk which tastes a whole lot better than the stuff that's been refrigerated for a week before it arrives at your local grocery store, I know the foundations of a well made tiramisu from a bad one (and you can taste the difference), I know where to get authentic British fare served by the English themselves and not the fake stuff.
People can say I'm a food snob. But what really makes a snob? A snob with his pride removed, is essentially a coinnoisseur who understands a subject really well be it fashion, food, music, art or wine. He knows it far better and more intimately than other spectators. The line between snob and connoisseur is very thin: the snob is just a connoisseur with a puffed up ego.

So when it comes to fashion, I know more than the average person. I do not condone people for wearing crocs even though I think they're the most hideous shoes ever along with Uggs. In the realm of fashion I'm less judgmental about the clothes people wear than how I am with food. While fashion deals with the exterior in a general sense, I treat food with slightly more respect because it is essential to our bodies for nourishment and growth. Ever since I joined the gym I've become a little more conscious of what I've been putting into my mouth because if I worked that hard to reduce my calorie balance, if I'm gonna put eat, it better be good. Yesterday I went to a Knicks vs Magic b ball game and decided to have the whole junk food experience and felt a little sick after.
My former roomie and I were finishing dinner once and contemplating where to get dessert. She suggested just getting it at the cafe we were at already- she felt like having a ginormous cookie and just opening it, tossing the wrapper and gnawing at it. I, on the other hand, was pulling out my mental NYC dessert map within an eight block vicinity and trying to figure out where to sit down and enjoy a small dense creamy dessert. She laughed at me and told me the difference between me and her is that she is really into immediate satisfaction. If dessert equaled to sugar, she wanted it right away. It didn't matter what the dessert looked like or what it was made out of as long as it satisfied her sugar craving. I, on the other hand, when I want dessert, I want it to be good. I want it to look pretty as well as taste good. And if it looked pretty, I'd spend another ten minutes photographing it before actually touching it.

I laughed at her and told her I liked to eat with my eyes first. It's also how you burn calories, you spend a lot of time around it before eating it- it balances it all out. :P
That's the difference between me and other people. If I am going to eat, it might as well be good. And good does not equate to expensive. I love my First Markham food court and my Hainan chicken rice at Golden Phoenix. If it tastes good and looks appetizing, I'm in.

I Want You to Want Me

Concept board


Death: I like how I developed the fabric illustration in this one. The fabric I chose for this garment was a black chiffon with stripes of subtle glitter and the hints of white on black really does well to translate reality into illustration.

I went to the MOMA today to see this special exhibit called 'Design for the Elastic Mind.' One particular installation there really struck me. It was an alternative interface for an online dating service called I Want you to Want Me. It's a stunning piece of art in itself: essentially it's a large touch screen which features a background of a hazy sunset sky punctuated by a mist of clouds. Depending on the options you choose from to see different user profiles, top ten first date venues etc. These profiles are represented by mini balloons which float in the air and when you touch the screen they grow bigger to show thought bubbles and fly away once you change the setting. It's a very whimsical and delicate approach to this complex realm of online relationships in which a person decides to boil down their most intimate desires into this tiny bubble. The stress and the anxiety in looking for that 'Prince charming' is played down through the soft, warm colours of the interface along with the music that plays in the distance as well as the ability to be able to touch the screen which is almost a representation of you coming in physical contact with another user in the system. I also love the title of the piece: "I Want You to Want Me". There's a certain wistfulness to it: a sort of hope and sadness at the same time.
You must see this to get a feel of what it's like: Movements.
Just scroll through them because they are stunning pieces of work. I love it. We had to pick two pieces to write about and I wrote a ton about this one because it really reflects this problem I encounter when trying to maintain my frienships through the Internet. The interface is cold, systematic and impersonal despite the fact that MSN allows you to 'personalize' your page through their set backgrounds and display picture changer. I cannot see my friends (webcam lags, gives me a fragmented projection of a live person), I cannot touch them, I cannot hear them laugh or shout or cry nor can I verbally speak to them through the Internet (okay there is the microphone option but it will probably slow my comp down plus I'm also doing a lot of stuff at the same time and the other person may not have the equipment to do so either). I can only type out words to them in a visual text conversation.
It's why, I said in an old entry, that I live on words and I live through them. That I myself have been reduced to words and the physicality of being trumps all that.

I love design, though it is often not done well, because it proposes an alternate view of looking at our world. We are constantly making and remaking it because we all do want to see it change for the better.

&

It was a clear blue sky today, sunny and stunning with a powdery layer of flowers blooming from the branches of the trees. The wind caught my breath away and I felt like God was in my presence. New York is so beautiful in the spring.

Hope

Front cover

I finally scanned in my two collections of fashion fashion work I did so for the next few posts, I'll be introducing another drawing. This one is derived from a pseudo collaboration we did with the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA): designing costumes for performance art in the space of the galleries, taking inspiration from one piece of art. My love being in Gustav Klimt's expressive women particularly in the painting called Hope 2 which depicts a pregnant woman and her friends in prayer for her, my designs were based on themes of life (pregnant woman), death and women in prayer(which manifests this idea of hope). I chose to design them in really gauzy massed in garments that echo the same block like silhouette that Klimt paints in. One thing I like about Klimt is the way he draws his hands- thus the attention to the placement of hands and the way it interacts with the rest of the body.
The portfolio structure itself comes in this mini accordian book so each character is somewhat joined with the next through the gold 'arches' painted above. Except you can't see that since I scanned it in:


Life
--------------------------------------------------

So on Sunday I decided to introduce myself to this guy who wasn't really talking to anyone. I'm not going to go into details but I thought he had a cool face so I sucked my fear up and went to talk to him. I added him on facebook and msn (one of the rare americans who actually has msn and not aim) and he started small talking with me (facebook makes small talk really odd especially when you already know the answers to your small talking thanks to their profile).
Although he was really nice and cool and really easy to talk to, I felt so empty and hopeful at the same. Hopeful in a way that I'm anticipating for a friendship to grow but empty knowing that this is the square one of many a friendships I thought would last, but became nothing but blowing dust.

I should stop expecting things from people. Especially friends.

I've been trying to get to the Heart of the Matter. But my will gets weak. And my heart is so shattered but I think its about forgiveness. Even if you don't love me anymore.
-----------------------------------------------------

A friend once asked me what my happiest moment in life was. I'd say these:
-Rin, Alex, Robyn and I in New York from the Masked Ball to eating.
-The sakura matsuri with Robyn.
-My birthday.

I want to feel that happiness again.
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God is moving, God is working through my life. I can already see the chess pieces moving. This summer is going to be life changing and mind altering.

Looking back now, even the most minute thing in the past, God used it to help me in the present.

More on this later, but I just found out something that has made me really excited.