2012 thus far
It's been a while since I posted in here and whoa the backend of blogger has completely changed.
I guess I let this blog die a little partially because I realized that perhaps I had my boundaries a little skewed and in reverse. I openly share about my personal experiences here while withholding other things that necessarily did not have to be withheld.
Much has changed over the past year and as I revisit this blog and read entries from 2010, I see a lot of that anger, disappointment and frustration has left. At the same time I see there are issues I still need healing over and have to continually subject them to God. And I'm writing here today primarily to address my past self and my future self of the goodness of God and how much has changed since then. As you will be able to read here I am standing on the brink of a lot of change and I need to record it down right now before anything happens so in bad times I am reminded of His faithfulness:
1. Prophetic Dreaming
I was going through a few issues of insignificance and doing-over-being relationships when I had a dream. A couple nights ago I had a dream where my companion and I took a taxi to Tai Koo. We were passing a bar who was run by a fortune teller. There was a chubby kid sitting on a stool in front of the bar. She start to tell his fortune as if she was demon possessed. Although I knew fortune telling was wrong I still felt an irresistible attraction to get my future read. I paid $8 and sat down. After a moment of silence she asks me if I had any spiritual strongholds broken. I thoughtfully said "self doubt" and "fear". She said she couldn't read my future due to the strongholds being broken. I left thinking I wanted to ask for a refund but didn't. The day after I was rereading my old blog entry where I mention the following "It's all because of my fear and self doubt. I take pictures at softball because I don't want to play and don't think I could (self doubt) because of my fear of hard flying balls."
God spoken dreams like these always make me look forward to dreaming more and seeing how He speaks through the sub conscious.
2. Sam is Home
I think it's no secret now that I launched a fashion/lifestyle/food blog. I was reading my old blog posts and yeah that's what I've been harping about if you had no idea what was plaguing me. In a worldly sense I haven't accomplished much like the biggest fashion bloggers yet my greatest personal satisfaction is having just the freedom to express what I want has been the greatest hurdle tackled.
In the end I cannot justify what I do but faith is not justified by works. Does it stop me from doing good? No of course not, Paul writes clearly ever so more we should strive to do good because of our faith.
Someone asked me back in Toronto how I justify myself in the fashion industry. I told her I think God appreciates the fashion designer who makes disposable clothes but goes to Him daily than the doctor who thinks he is justified because he heals people. No, faith is not justified by your vocation but is justified by the cross. And that is the reason why, dear friends, I am no longer seeking to find approval in this regard.
In the end we are to fully embrace the gifts and personality that God has created us to be. I cannot be all things but I can be what God has given me. The parable of the talents is a constant reminder that hiding what I was given is a foolish and ungodly move that was built up through lies. I see how developing a small gift of photography/writing/styling has brought me a long way since then and after nurturing these talents have matured so much in comparison to when I first started. I like writing and I love being able to write in different 'voices'. While this is more candid and personal, Sam is Home is my way of writing personal things in an impersonal manner and disguised behind wit. It gives me an arena where it is Sam-focused but the goal being to say as little 'I's' as possible and make a self-style blog less about myself but pointing to a bigger picture. A challenge at times but rather fun.
3. Year of Calling
Interestingly enough I was prayed over at the beginning of this year by an old man in a church in Toronto. He said this year would be my calling and one of joy overflowing. At the time I dismissed his prophetic word as a cookie cutter one-liner for anyone in their mid 20's but after remembering my house church leader's words that "prophesy alone will not manifest itself. It requires prayer from the receiver for it to come into fruition" I began to pray about it.
Simultaneously I began to read the book called 'Intercessory Prayer' by Dutch Sheets and began to wonder what would happen if I began to intercede for the fashion industry and God's will in this field to penetrate, restore and redeem. I began to get a lot of ideas of a business which I kept to myself.
At the beginning of this year I also found out that the boy I've been praying about for three years was in a relationship. I was sad for about a night and got over it. Oddly I felt strengthened by the closure of this prayer and was thankful for God for finally answering. I'm not angry nor sullen- rather I felt like something lift off my chest and I felt free. This acted as a further prompting for me that the Year of Calling required much prayer and interceding for- one that probably would have been distracted with if a boy were involved in. Thus I am ok, still single but ever more closer to what I'm supposed to be doing. And if it weren't for his relationship, I would have never received a confirmation on the year of calling and would have been divided in my prayers. I don't believe that there's such thing as 'wasted prayer'- I prayed, God said not now, so I'm done with it. Perhaps I was meant to intercede for him the past three years and that's ok. It surprises me that I'm not heartbroken over the matter nor dramatic in fashion- I'm totally okay with it. Is that a sign of maturity? XD
When I returned to HK, I met up with a friend and we started talking about fashion and the meaning of it when we realized we had the same business ideas we wanted to see manifest. Fast forward four months later, lo we are starting a business! Who knows what will happen to it, if it succeeds or not, but it's been amazing to see how God can work so simply through interceding. I now know that God chooses to work through people when they simply ask God to use them. And evermore we should continue praying.
4. Eight Months
So remember the girl I mentioned in my previous post that I met through being forced to do Offering Prayer? Well this has been a fine God-orchestrated story:
That girl also has a beautiful singing voice and I've always told her she should pursue music and do an album. Her and a friend who plays guitar did Offering song once and was approached by a guy in the audience who offered to mix and produce a cd for them. They asked me to do their packaging despite my lack of knowledge in cd packaging and art.
When we spoke to the printer productions manager he told us the quote for a cd sleeve with a spine and back/front print would cost $11k: that's $5k more than the allotted budget that the two girls were planning to spend. I jokingly told them to ask our leader for funding as the proceeds would go to our church building fund. They said they would pray about it.
Several days later they call me telling me they have exciting news and that we had the funds to do a spine for the cd. During a session of Early Morning Prayer, the guitarist decided to say hello to the worship leader and share about the album they were creating and the shortage of funds. The worship leader asks the guitarist how much they needed to make the cd. After telling her it was $11k, the worship leader shares that the past week she was given some money to fund her mission trip which was already fully paid for and that amount came to exactly $11k. Thus she donated that money to us to create the cd production.
At that moment I knew that God wanted to really anoint the girls with their music and to encourage them to pursue music as their gifting/passion but after re-thinking about this I knew that God also wanted to tell me that He provided the fancy packaging costs for me as a designer to fulfill a specific aesthetic and look for them. And then I knew I had to step it up because God was backing me up. Even He prefers the more expensive packaging! :P
Anyway after struggling through a few versions of the cd art, we came to a great compromise of aesthetic and I can't be more pleased with the look so far. We're all in anticipation to see how it'll turn out like the next Friday and for the EP release on the 21st. Who knows how God will use this music or if it all ends here only serving as a reassurance that He is with us and that He provides in all situations both small and big.
I am just encouraged to see how a mere act of obedience (offering prayer) has turned into a friendship and then into a music album. You can never outgive God.
5. Love and Anger
I'm starting to see and understand what it means to not react when people are angry. When you begin to understand the spiritual side of the story, you realize that people react out of their past hurt. There's a friend who is constantly reacting to me not because of what I said in particular but because she was triggered by something in her past. Normally I would get angry and lash back but I've learned to actually not get angry/resentful at her and just see past that into the spiritual realm of things. God, even through my own inner healing, has showed me how to not immediately react to a situation and to see/evaluate it from the reactor's past circumstances. It's been difficult at times when I just wanna go "I am so done with putting up with your spews at me. I'm not an emotional punching bag. God why meeeee" But He told me He thinks I can endure it and go through with it, so shall I.
Yep so that's life so far. God take me far!
1. Prophetic Dreaming
I was going through a few issues of insignificance and doing-over-being relationships when I had a dream. A couple nights ago I had a dream where my companion and I took a taxi to Tai Koo. We were passing a bar who was run by a fortune teller. There was a chubby kid sitting on a stool in front of the bar. She start to tell his fortune as if she was demon possessed. Although I knew fortune telling was wrong I still felt an irresistible attraction to get my future read. I paid $8 and sat down. After a moment of silence she asks me if I had any spiritual strongholds broken. I thoughtfully said "self doubt" and "fear". She said she couldn't read my future due to the strongholds being broken. I left thinking I wanted to ask for a refund but didn't. The day after I was rereading my old blog entry where I mention the following "It's all because of my fear and self doubt. I take pictures at softball because I don't want to play and don't think I could (self doubt) because of my fear of hard flying balls."
God spoken dreams like these always make me look forward to dreaming more and seeing how He speaks through the sub conscious.
2. Sam is Home
I think it's no secret now that I launched a fashion/lifestyle/food blog. I was reading my old blog posts and yeah that's what I've been harping about if you had no idea what was plaguing me. In a worldly sense I haven't accomplished much like the biggest fashion bloggers yet my greatest personal satisfaction is having just the freedom to express what I want has been the greatest hurdle tackled.
In the end I cannot justify what I do but faith is not justified by works. Does it stop me from doing good? No of course not, Paul writes clearly ever so more we should strive to do good because of our faith.
Someone asked me back in Toronto how I justify myself in the fashion industry. I told her I think God appreciates the fashion designer who makes disposable clothes but goes to Him daily than the doctor who thinks he is justified because he heals people. No, faith is not justified by your vocation but is justified by the cross. And that is the reason why, dear friends, I am no longer seeking to find approval in this regard.
In the end we are to fully embrace the gifts and personality that God has created us to be. I cannot be all things but I can be what God has given me. The parable of the talents is a constant reminder that hiding what I was given is a foolish and ungodly move that was built up through lies. I see how developing a small gift of photography/writing/styling has brought me a long way since then and after nurturing these talents have matured so much in comparison to when I first started. I like writing and I love being able to write in different 'voices'. While this is more candid and personal, Sam is Home is my way of writing personal things in an impersonal manner and disguised behind wit. It gives me an arena where it is Sam-focused but the goal being to say as little 'I's' as possible and make a self-style blog less about myself but pointing to a bigger picture. A challenge at times but rather fun.
3. Year of Calling
Interestingly enough I was prayed over at the beginning of this year by an old man in a church in Toronto. He said this year would be my calling and one of joy overflowing. At the time I dismissed his prophetic word as a cookie cutter one-liner for anyone in their mid 20's but after remembering my house church leader's words that "prophesy alone will not manifest itself. It requires prayer from the receiver for it to come into fruition" I began to pray about it.
Simultaneously I began to read the book called 'Intercessory Prayer' by Dutch Sheets and began to wonder what would happen if I began to intercede for the fashion industry and God's will in this field to penetrate, restore and redeem. I began to get a lot of ideas of a business which I kept to myself.
At the beginning of this year I also found out that the boy I've been praying about for three years was in a relationship. I was sad for about a night and got over it. Oddly I felt strengthened by the closure of this prayer and was thankful for God for finally answering. I'm not angry nor sullen- rather I felt like something lift off my chest and I felt free. This acted as a further prompting for me that the Year of Calling required much prayer and interceding for- one that probably would have been distracted with if a boy were involved in. Thus I am ok, still single but ever more closer to what I'm supposed to be doing. And if it weren't for his relationship, I would have never received a confirmation on the year of calling and would have been divided in my prayers. I don't believe that there's such thing as 'wasted prayer'- I prayed, God said not now, so I'm done with it. Perhaps I was meant to intercede for him the past three years and that's ok. It surprises me that I'm not heartbroken over the matter nor dramatic in fashion- I'm totally okay with it. Is that a sign of maturity? XD
When I returned to HK, I met up with a friend and we started talking about fashion and the meaning of it when we realized we had the same business ideas we wanted to see manifest. Fast forward four months later, lo we are starting a business! Who knows what will happen to it, if it succeeds or not, but it's been amazing to see how God can work so simply through interceding. I now know that God chooses to work through people when they simply ask God to use them. And evermore we should continue praying.
4. Eight Months
So remember the girl I mentioned in my previous post that I met through being forced to do Offering Prayer? Well this has been a fine God-orchestrated story:
That girl also has a beautiful singing voice and I've always told her she should pursue music and do an album. Her and a friend who plays guitar did Offering song once and was approached by a guy in the audience who offered to mix and produce a cd for them. They asked me to do their packaging despite my lack of knowledge in cd packaging and art.
When we spoke to the printer productions manager he told us the quote for a cd sleeve with a spine and back/front print would cost $11k: that's $5k more than the allotted budget that the two girls were planning to spend. I jokingly told them to ask our leader for funding as the proceeds would go to our church building fund. They said they would pray about it.
Several days later they call me telling me they have exciting news and that we had the funds to do a spine for the cd. During a session of Early Morning Prayer, the guitarist decided to say hello to the worship leader and share about the album they were creating and the shortage of funds. The worship leader asks the guitarist how much they needed to make the cd. After telling her it was $11k, the worship leader shares that the past week she was given some money to fund her mission trip which was already fully paid for and that amount came to exactly $11k. Thus she donated that money to us to create the cd production.
At that moment I knew that God wanted to really anoint the girls with their music and to encourage them to pursue music as their gifting/passion but after re-thinking about this I knew that God also wanted to tell me that He provided the fancy packaging costs for me as a designer to fulfill a specific aesthetic and look for them. And then I knew I had to step it up because God was backing me up. Even He prefers the more expensive packaging! :P
Anyway after struggling through a few versions of the cd art, we came to a great compromise of aesthetic and I can't be more pleased with the look so far. We're all in anticipation to see how it'll turn out like the next Friday and for the EP release on the 21st. Who knows how God will use this music or if it all ends here only serving as a reassurance that He is with us and that He provides in all situations both small and big.
I am just encouraged to see how a mere act of obedience (offering prayer) has turned into a friendship and then into a music album. You can never outgive God.
5. Love and Anger
I'm starting to see and understand what it means to not react when people are angry. When you begin to understand the spiritual side of the story, you realize that people react out of their past hurt. There's a friend who is constantly reacting to me not because of what I said in particular but because she was triggered by something in her past. Normally I would get angry and lash back but I've learned to actually not get angry/resentful at her and just see past that into the spiritual realm of things. God, even through my own inner healing, has showed me how to not immediately react to a situation and to see/evaluate it from the reactor's past circumstances. It's been difficult at times when I just wanna go "I am so done with putting up with your spews at me. I'm not an emotional punching bag. God why meeeee" But He told me He thinks I can endure it and go through with it, so shall I.
Yep so that's life so far. God take me far!
