Finding the Consumer// On Forgiveness// People Who Pass You By

Finding the Consumer
Jewish holiday today so I didn't have to submit a collection this week.
On to another class... The assignment for our Senior Thesis Core 2 was to blog once a day on our teacher's site; either make something, photograph or reflect/write on an issue related to our thesis. In my Business Entrepreneurship class we were asked to find a consumer niche market for our business plan.
Consumer niche eh? That's one thing I wanted to find out: if I wanted to create a system for clothes to filter within, I had to narrow down my target group. After all, no one can design for everyone.
So I proposed in the blog, to interview two people a day and collect data on their consumption habits and exactly what they had in their closets. Last year I tried making people do surveys, realizing that people liked to downplay how many items they had and how often they shopped. So this year I went straight to their closets to see exactly what was going on.
Here are four out of thirteen people in my family of friends that I got to interview. I've been running around chasing people down for the past week. Takes up a lot of my time so I'm so thankful I didn't have to submit a 25 piece collection this week. Please click to read interview and see their closets/items in more detail:













I'm starting to see several threads of similarity out of the thirteen surveys. Not going to say exactly what it is that I'm noticing, but I'll share more later on when I start exploring more indepth.
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On Forgiveness
The other day, a friend whom I stopped initiating with all together called me up out of the blue asking if I wanted to get dinner. Admittedly, I did so grudgingly, pushing back my small group time to eat dinner with her. She hurt me a lot in the past; one of the reasons why I've stopped trusting a lot of people.
I don't know how it happened but we ended up talking about how I was harbouring a lot of bitterness and hurt against her; she understood and told me she'd try harder. Everything she said that evening was exactly all that I was hurting for; she understood me and I was so grateful.
Now I'm feeling less tense when I'm with her.
I feel like God has lead me through another hurdle: what to do after someone you hold dear hurts you.

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People Who Pass You By

Vanilla bean cream cheese frosting on old fashioned chocolate cupcake with pear and vanilla bean filling. Recipe found on cupcakeblog.com

Yes the title is as much as a mouthful as it tasted. I was pretty proud of how they turned out; I made these for the potluck this past Saturday. I got to experiment filling cupcakes in and using vanilla bean for the first time as well as using a piping head to shape the frosting. Oh I also made those pear chips that top the cupcake.

Today I went for lunch at Spice with three friends, then three of us went to the MET and then went to someone's house later on. It was nice.

I've been making more of an effort to pray harder and more frequently these days, keeping a list of specific people who I want to pray for daily. I asked God about someone and to give me an answer the next day. Well, I got my answer I think, although I'm a little disappointed, I'll set my sights elsewhere. I guess it was not meant to be. I've learned to not grumble, not to wish I was someone else nor to look back.
I was doing my devos the other day, and this passage resonated within me,
"It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy" Romans 9:16
"But who are you, a mere human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for disposal of refuse?" Romans 9:20-21

I found out last week that my new friend in Fashion Portfolio class has the EXACT same three citizenships as I: HK id, Canadian and American passports. It is so rare to encounter someone with the exact same nationalities let alone three citizenships. I'm really beginning to enjoy being a global citizen: I might as well add 'heaven' as my fourth. XD

Anyway, so Betty and I were talking and we decided to become Accountability partners. While I think Accountability partners is a good idea, ironically, they have never worked so far that I've tried them. People say 'let's be accountable to one another' yet they rarely check up on you. We now meet up every Wednesday night at a chocolate restaurant to share. It's really nice and I feel blessed to have her in my life. How I met her... another one of those small world occurences. Robyn didn't know if she was or wasn't a christian but fwd the address of our church to her and she decided to go one day and bumped into me there, freaking me out when she asked me if I was "robyn's cousin." The rest is history.

This was a really scattered entry. Ah well. My thesis prof said we should write more because writing begets writing. So I'm not writing in here primarily to keep up with my communication skills as well as record current thoughts I know will pass me by if I don't write them down.

Okaeri

Listening to: The Calling Wherever You Will Go

So here's my collection for this week.
My teacher saw my first week collection 'Let Boys be Boys' and told me that all my models look like they could come out of Miyazaki's 'Howl's Moving Castle'. She highly recommended the movie so I went home and watched it... AND FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.
So this week I decided to do a collection based off of 'Howl's Moving Castle' infused with Japanese urban style to mix things up a bit. Deviating away from the predominantly black and white palette to pop colours and subtle prints.
I wanted something that reflected both Howl as a character as well as the surrounding themes of Howls Moving Castle. So I did this mini diagram of all the word associations and themes found in the movie that resonated within me:
Howl is a clotheshorse, he's decadent, flamboyant, appearance driven, foppish, has the heart of a boy but more than anything wants to be free despite his ability to fly.Howl himself is 'chained' to his house where the demon lives but he is also able to morph into a bird.
Ironically his house is run by his heart, the demon 'Calcifer' who is imprisoned within this moving house until Sophie sets him free. The physical house itself is always on the move and adopts multiple homes within one home. Unlike Howl himself, the house is filthy and unkempt.
Quotes I used for inspiration and thought:
"Friends are the family you choose."
"Home is where the heart is."

Silhouette wise I decided to mix Howl's top-heavy-skinny-lower-body physique with the looser style of urban Japan. A lot of the jackets flair or are really loose on the body while there are others that have scarves threaded through or sleeves that unzip and become free flowing to achieve Howl's 'coat on shoulders' look. To address the urban look I turned to making cool hoodies that covered half the face or with a collar and a hood or a double hood or a cobra hood or a hood sewn on lower than the usual neckline.. this came out of the urban japanese culture style as well as the idea of 'cocooning' one's self: making a home within the folds of fabric worn. And if you look closely a lot of the cutting on the dress shirts have a shape of a house embedded on either the breast pocket or the center front (see pg 2, second last model with purple dress shirt.. it's really dark). I really wanted to play up this idea of home in transition... a theme that always plays within my own life.

Fabric wise I used plaids and pop colours balanced out with neutral and dark heavier fabrics... plaid being a preference within a lot of the japanese dress shirts I see within the magazines.

Accessories were really important: from backpacks to headphones to caps and sneakers.

Anyway without further ado, here it is:
Howl Meets Hip Hop. Okaeri: Home is where the Heart Is


Inspiration: Fabric swatches and image inspirations. I like to get inspiration from words so I did a mini diagram on the movie, its themes and did a mini character expose on Howl complete with sketches I did of him frozen in motion in the film when he's cooking and warming himself by the fire. XD


Image inspirations.


Okaeri: Home is Where the Heart Is. Howl Meets Hip Hop.


HAHA I drew HEEN the spy dog!!! Plus I really liked that scene where Howl makes breakfast for them hence the whole line up of guys for eggs.


Inspiration from Japanese urban magazine 'Cool' with last five croquis.
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Friday: Went to Balthazar french restaurant with my AAS friend who is now leaving Ny back for Atlanta and then went shopping around Soho during the afternoon.
At night three Waterloo archi students, one Julliard violinist and I went to eat NY pizza before meeting up with our vancouver acting friend to watch 'The Duchess' starring Keira Knightley about the 18th century duchess called Georgiana. It was good I guess. There's only so much you can do with a biographical film.
Afterwards we just loitered outside (asians love to loiter for some reason) and the waterloo kids bumped into some of their other friends from their waterloo program who were also in NY.. what the heck. So we stood there for a good 20 mins just talking before splitting to either go home or Pinkberry.
I was making tiramisu at 2am before doing my collection until 4am. -_-

Saturday: Our initial plans to do potluck at this guy's house flopped so we all met up in Ktown for galbi tang and soon du bu... and then had my tiramisu there pretending it was someone's birthday in order to get some fridge space. Afterwards we went to pinkberry for MORE frozen yogurt and then went to karaoke the most unchristian songs ever (Moulin Rouge, SexyBack, Maroon 5...) and loitered some more outside.

Sunday: Robyn came to see me for the day since RISD was offering a $20 round trip bus ride... so the previous bunch from Saturday and Robyn AND parsons small group went to eat thai food after church... and then we spent another good half hour hunting down a Red Mango for frozen yogurt. -_- Some of us decided to split to go to Union Square to pick stuff up and buy clothes for one of the guys. XD I am so pleased with that grey one button blazer with visible stitching and bias seam binding on the interiors I found at H&M. Sooooo beautiful. Paired with a red scarf chosen by Robyn= hot. HAHAA
"Joon, you can either look 100% sexy in one day.. or you could wear the blazer one day, the scarf the next and the dress shirt the following day... and look a third sexy spread out within a week."
LOL After shopping, it was off to Momofuku for shredded pork ramen and then a teary farewell for Robyn (not!) who did not call me to tell me she got on the bus safe. -_-
Went home, showered, chilled until 9pm and met up with my friend, betty to have dessert at Max Brenner's and then proceeded to walk to her apartment to take a look and then walked back home at 11:30.

Yep.. it's been an eventful weekend. I woke up at 9:35am... and had class at 10am and almost missed the class.. It's times like these where I'm so glad I live so close by!
Betty and I just found out we studied under the same violin teacher back in Toronto... SMALL WORLD. Not only that, but the violinist from the thirteen people boy band, Super Junior, ALSO studied under the same teacher! LOL. SMALL WORLD.

I think I found family.
If friends are the family you choose, well this week I've identified them.
The one thing I really wanted in New York was a group of friends with different backgrounds to 'go home to'. In Toronto that group of people was defined by people like Rin, Jerry, Robyn, Alex etc. New York was a different story: people hardly know each other so we all hang out one on one. I wanted that group I could just hang out with, have fun and be genuine with.
Betty and I want to make this a regular thing: every Saturday we want to do some kind of fellowship thing with the bunch of people we found: Nicole, Clara, Betty, me, Joon, Tommy and David perhaps with other people who want to join here or there.
So next Saturday we're planning a real potluck at Betty's place with a time for worship and rounds of Taboo. XD
At church there's a worship through the arts night called 'Epiphany' and since three of us play violin, one sings brilliantly.. we want to do something together with a medley of worship songs.. we'll see how that flies. =P

The sad thing is is that one is only staying for two months; he may be back for another year but that's all up in the air while another is only here for a semester.
I don't want to sound selfish but I want to start narrowing down my friends. I already have started this process of singling out some people and 'ignoring' others. 'Ignoring' I mean that I'm not initiating anything with them unless they ask me themselves. I'm tired of floating around person to person, group to group. I want a sense of belonging in a community of people I know well: not just their name, their major/area of work and their age. I want those deeper relationships that are rooted within our Creator while still having a lot of fun doing things in New york.

Yeah, I haven't felt so deliriously happy in a long time nor experienced this kind of relationship with a group of people in New york. I know it's only been a week. I know this may only be something I feel exclusively: perhaps they don't really care at all, they just want something to do. But in the meanwhile, I'm satisfied with what we have now.

Betty and I decided to be accountability partners; we had a good time sharing with one another. For the first time I opened up to someone other than my Toronto friends; I hardly talk about myself if you don't ask. So the past year I've been feeling at loss because I've been so grounded in the lives of others, no one seemed to care to reach out to me.
She said to me that it was a good thing I always act like myself unlike others who assume the role of the 'ideal girl' according to the tastes of each guy. The thing is is that I only know how to be me because... I don't know how to pretend to be anything else.
She told me, "God will bring you someone according to His will.. but in the meantime you can eat all the eye candy around you." XD

And this is the reason why I love 'Howl's Moving Castle' so much; the central themes of the story are the home, transition from place to place, friends chosen and family made are exactly the things I want so much in my own life (plus Howl's easy on the eyes XD).
I want to be able to talk to people like I talk in my blog. I want to be able to express all that I wish, want and hope for without having someone shaking their head at me. I just want to be able to place my heart into someone's hands and find home there even if these moments are fleeting.

Okaeri. Welcome home.

Yesterday. Today.

I've been a homework machine. I didn't realize it, but I've pretty much done all my homework until Thursday and... I don't have school on Fridays. SAD. I was so worried that I would have too much on my plate that I mowed through my entire menswear line and worked till 4am two nights straight. Anyway, here it is. Sadly you lose all the detail and neat architectural tongue-in-cheek layering I added to a lot of the garments... :(
There were 25 croquis in total, but the progress images only feature the first ten. Please click to see all the detail! Seriously:


Initial body/pose sketches: This is how Rin likes her guys XD


Now clothed (Rin doesn't like them now)


Inked and watercoloured. Yes don't we all love my inspiration page with fabric swatches?? XD I tried to show I wasn't a total fob by adding runway/caucasian model pictures.... but in reality all I wanted to do was plaster it with Akanishi Jin and Kenichi Matsuyama. XD
Oh I was also super tired when I wrote the title of this croquis collection.. so instead of writing "boys will be boys" I ended up twisting the quote to "let boys be boys".. I think I merged that with "let them eat cake" or something. LOL


Second page...I used kenichi's face for reference with the second model... XD and the fourth model was after some Fahrenheit popstar... HAHA I love his face! keke


So by 3am I was going a little psycho trying to find 'masculine' poses so I decided to look into my photoshoot pictures so the last three are poses thanks to Josh and Richard. lol

Yep. I find it hilarious that I can be so gaga over HK guys, TMD, menswear and fobs and actually use all these encounters/inspirations and actually knit them into my schoolwork. It's great. I can go nuts about guy watching and mongkok but pass them off as totally legit projects which I show to a class to get critiqued. When I'm passionate about something, it doesn't seem like work. When I was working on this particular collection, it took at least 20 hours to complete but it was fun. And I'm happy with how it turned out! :D

Bahaha so his name on msn says "Fai: I LIKE FASHION~~NO FASHION~NO LIFE"
I find that really endearing. Sounds like caveman. Hear me roar.
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Anyway so today was my first day going to a full Sunday worship service (last week I left straight after worship because I was with Agnes). I'm back on Welcoming Committee.

There have been quite a few significant changes within the group: we no longer make snacks or drinks and the leaders are totally different. I say the former because a lot of energy was used to prepare drinks and buy food as well as make it. So I got to church early but there wasn't anything to do so I tried to talk to the other committee members there....
It ended up being super awkward. Correction, it was just dry. I don't know. You're on Welcoming Committee to make others feel welcomed, but what if you yourself don't feel welcomed? I feel like I've been giving a lot to people: getting to church an hour early, doing my best to get things out and set up, ushering people and smiling and introducing myself to newcomers yet there are so many times I feel like I get nothing from people. Being on Welcoming should be not a duty out of selfish gain, but if you give everything, you need some replenishment don't you? Something needs to be placed in that gas tank.

The crux of my situation is not that being on the ministry is making me feel sad, but the fact that NO ONE initiates with me. It's always ME calling people to come out, it's always ME approaching people. It makes me wonder what would happen if I didn't call anyone or reach out to anybody. There are two possible outcomes: people would intiate and invite me places OR, the one I dread the most, that I'd just revert back to my freshmen self with only three roommates as friends.

To say none the least, I was pretty sad come sermon. Suck it up, Sam, it's going to be like this the entire year.
But oddly enough the pastor started preaching on members within the church who feel isolated/lonely to which he tells us that it's a sacrifice for the body of believers. I didn't really understand his answer or his supposed remedy... but I was pseudo comforted by the fact that he addressed that today.
So after service there was the church welcoming picnic. Initially I wasn't going to go but I recalled last year when I made a friend so as Cloud says, why not?

Backtrack first. I was doing ushering today (yes that means playing Little bo peep herding people into the rows) and I spotted a guy and girl together whom I have never seen before. Midway through the worship part of the service, a guy with long fob hair comes in (wearing a white dress shirt with a linen texture and brown corduroy pants and a super cool hobbit like backpack) and he just stands there looking really confused. I went up to him and asked him if he needed a seat, he said yes so I ushered him in somewhere.

Okay back to the present. Picnic attendees were all given a number from 1-12 and were expected to find others within the same numbered group. These would be our picnic buddies to get to Central Park and to play games and eat. I got #11 and my friend gets #12 so I ask if I could swap with her because #12 is my birthday! I know it's lame but whatever. It was a Godsend.
I find my group. The guy who came in with the girl is in my group. He comes up to me and the first thing he says is "hey do you know richard kim and josh chan?"
0_0

WEIRD. Turns out he's a Waterloo, Archi program student doing coop in New York and his friend, who is currently studying at Julliard for violin, is from Scarborough and they went to high school together. She was going to Redeemer and then decided this time to take him to RWC to try it out with him. And lo! He bumps into me!
EXCEPT he doesn't have facebook. He actually just saw my picture when Richard was looking at my pics prior to the photoshoot in Loo and recognized me. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD Plus he lives super close to me!!!! YAY! Another person to play with!
So that one Waterloo Max Brenners event with Robyn that I turned down... ends up I'm meeting one guy per year from that group. Lol. Missed opportunity now redeemed!
So us Canadians are gabbing away... my friend, Betty who also goes to Parsons and went to UHS, comes running up to me during the picnic yelling "Sam! I found another Canadian!" and I see the fobby long hair guy walking towards us.

Which is funny because after service I was looking for him so I could introduce myself. See, the problem I have with a lot of people is that I don't remember who is new and who is not.. so I find people who look distinct, and search out for them to introduce myself to.
Anyway, the dude's from Vancouver, but originally from Korea and then studied in Britain for five years prior to moving to Canada. He originally was studying kineisiology at Simon Fraser, BC but put that on hold to study acting in Soho for a couple of months but if he likes it, will stay here for another year.

Yep so now the...four of us are gabbing away about... Canada (coughtimhortonscough) and exchanging phone numbers.
A friend I made last year comes up to us as well as another Parsons girl from my small group. We have a mutual love for baking: I challenged him last year to a bake off. Anyway, so we planned to bake/cook on Saturday... and invited all the Canadians to go to his place to eat. So yay! Potluck on Saturday night with new friends!

After the picnic (someone got heat stroke... :( It was a friggin 30 degrees today... except a few days ago it was 23... )we went to get Red Mango in Ktown (the most delicious frozen yogurt ever!) to cool off and then walked to Build a Bear workshop since the girl wanted to get an outfit for a bear she had... LOL. I was so elated: I hardly ever get to hang out with a group of people especially one with an equal number of guys and girls. :P

Yup yup. We all love musicals which is awesome: we're planning to go see Wicked!
And what's even better, is that they all have friggin MSN and not AIM. -_-

Man, this was no coincidence. God, thank you thank you. These may turn out to be a few dead end relationships, but I thank you for today.

Spammage!

Here's to spamming my own blog!

Well I've decided to do menswear for my fashion portfolio class. Drawing skinny stylized girls in fashion-y poses is becoming as easy as breathing. Really.
I do have an upper hand amongst all the AAS students due to the fact that I've been drawing all my life and training since I was in elementary school so I don't have the same struggles as they do (and most of them have problems with just getting the basic figure down and looking 'natural'... well as natural as you can get with jutting hips and shoulders thrusted in the opposite direction with heels :P). So I decided to throw in a hurdle for myself which I severely hope I don't regret in the near future as work starts piling up.

I've decided to do menswear. There are two potential problems within this equation if you will:
1) I don't draw men. Ever since I was a kid, I drew only girls. I grew up learning to copy Betty and Veronica from the Archie comics. I hated drawing guys and would try to avoid them as much as possible. So now having to draw men in FASHION poses with as much masculine dignity as possible, well, it's a challenge.
2) Garment creativity is quite limited compared to the options in womenswear. I do not wish to delve in drapery for men because though they may have championed that look back when Jesus was alive, I don't think it's a trend that will ever come back in North America (Asia is another story..)

Yep so every week we have to complete 25 croquis; croquis (pronounced 'crow-keeze') are essentially fashion figure sketches of models with clothing fully coloured in either marker, watercolour or gouache. 25 is quite a lot considering we're doing 25 per WEEK. And it already took me two hours just drawing the figures sans clothing in pencil. Sigh. If I did womenswear, this would have been a faster process. Girls have an array of poses while men are quite limited to hands in the pockets and perhaps one leg behind the other depending on the rest of his upper body. I'm aware that I might make them look appear more feminine so thankfully I had about 600+ images I took in Toronto of the four guys to reference from. Yeyeye

I'll post samples of my work once I'm done and you can let me know what you think of my first shot at menswear. Thanks to Mr. Menswear Designer Friend and HK guys, I see menswear in a whole new light. LOL. The possibilities and less of its limitations. Oh by the way, did I mention that no one is doing menswear but me within my class? Yeah in general, menswear is not really pushed at our school.
I just love how this one summer has kind of flipped everything around for me. It's about time. Time to move on.
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Okay so I totally flopped my first Mandarin quiz. I was anticipating her to give us the english word and we'd have to translate it into Mandarin. The exact opposite happened: she gave us the chinese words in context and then told us to write the english translation and pinyin. 0_0 In a state of panic I just blanked out at the beginning and tried to quickly regain all composure. So I thought she'd give us a word like "jie" (sorry too lazy to find accents) but she gave us ones like "xiao jie" to which I wrote the translation of "little older sister". In my head I thought that made no sense so I reverted to the canto translation which would have been "Miss" but by the time I figured it out, she had moved on to the next.
To say the least, I was quite disappointed that I know I did badly on the very first quiz. Truthfully I studied really hard for that quiz: I reviewed those 13 characters numerous times, within the span of two and a half days. I did my best but I guess I didn't really think of doing the entire process backwards.
Ah well, I tried and this is only the first of many quizzes to come.
Whatever, I'm trying to take on the "screw you, I'm going to mess up as many times as possible so I can get it right" attitude in approaching this language. This time there are no patronizing friends who assume they have the upper hand. Today laoshi asked for a volunteer to try the first verbal exercise in front of the class. My friend raised her hand up, and I volunteered en suite. We all had to do it anyway, I might as well try because the worst that could happen would be that I'd get it wrong. And I'm sure no one could really tell if I pronounced "wen qing, ni jiao shenme mingzhe" wrong because I'm sure we're all just butchering this language like no other. lol
The people I admire in my classes have always been those who try really hard despite the fact that they might be totally wrong and aren't afraid to try and fail in front of the body of students. May I be like one of them.

I don't remember as a kid having that many issues with learning new languages. I don't recall in french being so afraid of trying roll unfamiliar words off my tongue.
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I had dinner with a friend today and we drafted up a list of Things to do in NY Before Graduating: a list of normal things and another list especially for Christmas. I love Christmas in New York: it's the most romantic season of the year. Since we both are in the lack of boyfriends, we decided that in the meanwhile, we'll have some fun. My partner in crime told me, "we need to start dating." I said, "Well... as long as it's not with each other." LOL
Well our total list which should take us to the end of the semester includes:
Bronx Zoo for X mas Light Show
Watch a musical
Watch Knicks vs Cavaliers game
Volunteer at a charitable organization or soup kitchen
Take a random class
Eat eat eat
Go to a social gathering/party: jazz club
Have a Christmas Card making party
Watch sappy Christmas movies, drink hot chocolate
Find a random recipe, buy ingredients and cook something for dinner
Dessert dessert dessert
Christmas window gazing
Fall wardrobe shopping
Explore Chelsea
Go to a museum or gallery (Natural History of Sci museum)
South Street Sea Port during Christmas
Ice skating at one of the parks
Go to Barnes and Nobles to 'read' LOL
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As for my senior thesis, I had a meeting with my partner who has found a fabulous assortment of techno fabrics to make her collection from. We want to stay far away from fabrics often associated with 'hippie' or 'eco chic' like organic cotton or hemp, and delve into the technological advancements in fabric like neoprene and lyocell. I'm excited: her collection revolves around double layering (since we are in recession...), layering sheers over sheers and laser cut wrought iron patterns. Very me. So she found a few mills who are interested in helping us further our thesis project which is friggin awesome because now I don't have to worry about the materials and sourcing fabrics and can focus on customer behaviour and the system itself.
I told her our aim is to get her to Parsons runway in April. It's a long journey: after she actually makes her collection which must be first made into as muslin prototypes and then into the final fabrics, she must go through a panel of judges made up of her teachers and then if they approve of her, another panel of critics made up of the industry, and they choose the 12/180 kids who get to show at the end.
Yes, it's tough.

And the night is getting old. It's time to retire after being super productive. Lots of work tomorrow!

the unwinding of the brain

Listening to a random Korean rap/trance/pop song I found: Epik High 'One'

It's sooo catchy and the MV is so pretty. The colours are pretty. :P
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So I have my first quiz in Mandarin tomorrow. I had to learn 13 characters including pinyin in two days. I'm not sure if I can do this every week. :S Surprisingly I'm having the most trouble with learning the pinyin. -_- I keep forgetting where to put the accents. I'm determined to learn traditional characters over simplified; call me a snob but I like the 'look' of the traditional characters over the simplified and for some reason they stick better in my head. Like the word 'to ask' traditionally written makes more sense to me than the simplified. Perhaps it's because I've seen the character 'door' all over hk, so it's easier for me to add the 'mouth' character in between. Also I think traditional characters are more useful in HK. Then again if I do go to China, I better learn those simplified ones.

I feel like I've returned a stronger person ever since my summer in HK. I now know that the worst that could happen to me in Mandarin class is that I'd say/get something wrong but at least people won't be jeering or try to push me down in hopes of elevating themself.
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So my first visitor of the year came and went: Agnesssssss from HK!!
Man, it was friggin funny; when I'm with her, we see the best looking guys. LOL. She brings all the fobs around. :P We were waiting at the subway to go to church, I spot this guy sitting down with his back to us. I really liked his hair and then he turns around: he's this gorgeous Japanese guy. LOL Frick he seriously looked like one of those anime characters in a blue dress shirt and jeans and blue sneakers (I think they were Vans).
Anyway, that night we were at the Dessert Truck standing around the corner and eating. From behind I see this guy approaching the intersection we were at: he's the pretty type but not AS pretty as the guy in the subway that morning. Convo ensues in Canto:
A: There are quite a few good looking guys around here...
S: Are you talking about that guy behind me in the white t shirt and shorts. -_-
A: What?! You mean you saw him already??
S: Oh I knowwwwwwww

Not funny when it's a recollection: it's one of those moments you have to experience for it to be funny. :P
Anyway, took her on a serious whirlwind tour of NY: church, Met, Central Park, Fifth ave shops, Times Square (there was a huge 'Prayer in the Square' event going on... NY praying for the city), East Village... We baked chocolate cake for her friends and shopped for japanese snacks at the local grocery stores.

I took her to Basta Pasta for lunch on Monday prior to her departure: it's basically a japanese run italian restaurant with the best pasta in town. And our waiter was soooo cute: he had one of those really warm faces that was always smiling. Ah well, Agnes said she wanted to speak japanese to him so I dared her to. Lol. So she asked him where they bought the flowers on the table. :P
It was a good two days.


Her next visit to NY must entail: french restaurant, sushi, chelsea market, soho/nolita.
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Our teacher asked us to write down our fantasy of what would happen at the end of our year here at Parsons.
I realized I was blushing furiously as I wrote down what I wish would happen and I realized, why am I so ashamed of my own daydreaming?



So my fashion porfolio teacher wanted to see a sample of our work and the only work I had on my computer was this and a few other things I did in high school. She sent me a reply saying that she thought my illustrations were breathtaking.
It then occured to me that I painted this at the age of 17. That's friggin young. Wow, I'm so proud of myself. Seriously I never thought myself as an accomplished artist and yes this painting lacks in composition but I look at the skin tones done in watercolour of the grieving woman (middle left), and I was just in awe of my own skills.
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I was having dinner and dessert the other day with my friend when she shared that this year she wanted to start dating around (and yes she was one of the relatively open ones who actually read Henry Cloud rather than giving me a flat out 'no'). Not only her but her roommate too is interested in dating around this year. I told her to go for it and that I'd cheer her on. However our church is known to take dating at the Joshua Harris level while all of us just want to have.. fun and learn if that makes any sense. No one has broken up and all couples end up marrying which places tremendous pressure on anyone in our community who wants to just 'date around'.
She told me that this year she would have to start initiating and asking guys out herself because they're too scared to make the first move. I told her to be careful because she wouldn't want a passive guy on her hands. I ended up, strangely, telling her ways of 'initiating' using conversation starters that dropped the ball in their court without exactly spoon feeding them. I'm no dating pro but I've been initiating with both friends, interests and acquaintaces so many times this past year, I've become quite the conversationalist.



I feel like I can be myself around people who I am less familiar with at times than with those who I spend a lot of time with. There are friends and family who come with a set of ideals, standards and morals I do not necessarily adhere to thus when it comes to touchy topics like dating, I would stay far away from them because they think I should be a certain way when I can't be.
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I don't want to call it an identity crisis but there are times when I'm not sure where to place myself on the spectrum from Fob to CBC/ABC. I was reading this article for homework on North American Chinese kids cashing in on the asian cute culture to somehow gain back their ethnic identity by assuming the american perception on asian culture (can anyone say 'sanrio'?). I don't fall in either ABC/CBC or Fob entirely. Having lived in HK but my present being in the States has given me the perspective of a local in both places.

Ugh too tired to flesh this idea out. I just feel a little out of the loop: when my asian friends in toronto start becoming stareyed over the 'greatness' that is japan or hk and my hk local friends start listening to hip hop and JT.. you just realize that everyone wants to be what they aren't. It frustrates me, it annoys me because I'm exactly like that except I am what people wish they could be (fluent in english, in the know about american culture, going to design school, american citizen) yet simtultaneously just like everyone else... just like all my other ABC/CBC friends. And then they come to a greater realization after visiting the city/country they most revered the year before, that that country actually took inspiration exactly from where they live now. Japanese desserts are apparently the most delicious fluff you've ever tasted and seen. But they took their inspiration from french pastries. and the chinese are all in awe of japan. I don't understand it. We all covet what we don't have but then we all end up realizing we actually have what they want. So technically shouldn't you spend more time being yourself and of your own culture and upbringing? A ton of us live in Canada but all we listen, eat, sleep, think about is japanese stuff/culture.
I'm starting to sound delirious. I need my sleep and I need to review my mandarin asap. So goodnight.

I've realized, your heart was never here to begin with.

Project Parsons

photography by Angie Muldowney. Love the aged look. It's a very peaceful polaroid.

Round 1, Game 4. FIGHT!

Yes dear fellow readers, I am charging into my fourth year at my beloved school aka fashion school at Parsons in the Big Apple and am set to graduate spring 2009.
Round 1 out of 15 weeks has commenced. I came out pretty unscathed and surprisingly quite happy with my classes:

Fashion Portfolio: Yes, if you must know, this was the first class I had this year and no you won't be able to introduce yourself and say who your favourite fashion designers are anywhere else unless you go to my school. And they'll take you seriously when you start explaining why Gucci is your favourite designer. LOL My teacher is a younger version of my high school art teacher, Ms Chelin with the crayola colour clothes and earrings. She's super cute and for all the fashion know it alls, Doo Ri used to be her roommate. Anyway this class is relatively one of my normal classes where I just do whatever they make you do within the fashion industry. I'll be doing a lot of drawing and composing themes and concepts for fashion collections most of the time.

I encountered the WEIRDEST small world experience ever at my first class: I introduced myself to a girl in the class and I ask her where she's from. Turns out she's also from Hong Kong, went to HKIS AND get this, SHE LIVES IN REPULSE BAY. Not only does she live in Repulse Bay, where my grandmother lives and where I stayed this past summer, she lives in the exact same apartment complex: just two buildings away from me while her best friend lives in the same building as me. WEIRD. She also knows two other HKers I took classes with last year. She also knows the store I interned at this past summer. Its a small small small world.

Mandarin: Out of 12 of so kids so far (I'm anticipating for people to drop out): three Koreans, one Japanese and the rest are white. Everyone is so adorable: ba, bu, bi.... lol. We sounded retarded reciting the pinyin. Oh well. I've never laughed so much in the first class before. My mandarin teacher is pretty neat: she reminds me of my mom.. nice but strict.
I came out of this class pretty hyped. I bought the required $116 worth of textbooks and audio cds (T-T) and started looking up words in my character book to try and translate chinese text I saw online. Really now my motivation for learning Mandarin is to be able to one day type to HKers in Chinese, to read the HK street style blog comments (yes I am nosy... I want to know what other people are saying about a certain outfit) and to improve my Canto.
I think that perhaps Mandarin would be 'easier' in a way for me because I enjoy seeing how the traditional characters are built up to mean other things. Plus they're a bunch of abstract pictures and as an artist, I think I'm a little more in tune with my visual side. But we'll see. Who knows, maybe one day I'll have to speak to Cantonese people in Chinese because my Mandarin will surpass my Canto. Now that would be the day. lol.
Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize.
"Wei??? Wo jiao Samantha! ni ne?"
I called my mom right after class with my few lines of Mandarin. It was quite pathetic. :P
Oh, I can now read one of the song titles from a Justin Lo cd: Good person. LOL. Just don't ask how I learned the '好' character.

Senior Seminar: I have two senior core thesis classes. We ended up going to Madison Square Garden to introduce our thesis to each other in a 'creative' way within a minute. I just got up there and yelled my thesis proposal out to them because it was so friggin loud at the park. I'm crossing my fingers for this class: it's going to define a lot of what I do this whole year.

Youth Culture and Fashion Seminar: Yep like any other liberal arts class it's a lot of discussing, reading and writing on youth culture and how their ideologies are reflected in how they dress. It'll be covering groups such as the Brit Mods, punks, Goth, Asian Kawaii culture and retro/vintage. I'm a little scared for this class because I have issues with just sitting still and listening to a person lecture to me but we'll see. We have to write a final paper and I've already decided to do something about Asian youth culture. KEKEKE It gives me a perfect excuse to dig up all those street style pics from HK. HAAHA. I did not plan this at all.

Senior Thesis Core 2: Monday was Labour Day so I haven't taken this class.. but it's my PHD philosophy sustainability teacher who is steering that class and whom I really admire so I'm pretty much okay with it. He has a friggin PHD in philosophy and intertwines sustainability and design into everything. COOL

Business and Entrepreneurship: Er this is an online course so I have no idea what's going on. :P

Yep, a lot of my senior classmates are taking it super easy with only four courses. I have a friend who is taking only the two senior thesis courses and a screenprinting and a knitting class. LOL. Talk about taking it easy.
I'm trying to plan ahead by seeing what skills I'm missing and could 'nurture' in Spring 2009 prior to graduation. I want to continue Mandarin next semester if all goes well during the fall year, and take perhaps a couple of business classes. I don't want to be totally oblivious to everything if I ever start on my own.

So here's to another round of school. My last. I'm gonna try and savour it and have fun in New York when I still can because after this, I'm screwed. :P
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What to do after graduating? I know I want to go back to Hong Kong some time. I know I don't really want to go back to Toronto anytime soon in my youth: no offense to anyone who lives there or is a Canadian but when I go back as happy as I am being with the friends I cherish dearly, I just feel a little of me dies. It's a little too quiet and too comfortable in a way that does not compel me to want to do something significant with my life. I just end up sitting back in the car or at Destiny or at church and do.. nothing. Anyway who knows, maybe I'll end up moving back to Toronto to open a menswear store with my cousin at P mall. LOL. Someone needs to dress the boys at home.

Hm as much as I hate this excuse that every graduate uses, I want to travel. Not for a very long time: two months to cover Tokyo, Seoul and HK/China. Then I'll be a happy camper. Traveling back to HK this summer has really made me rethink and shape my ideas on gender and dress. And then I'm thinking of staying in NY for one or two more years to get some work experience. Probably not longer than this because I won't be able to save money here.
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MSN Convo with Rin on some guy:

<>< RINA <><: ohh he IS a pretty boy
<>< RINA <><: i see it
<>< RINA <><: yeah, totally gay drama
<>< RINA <><: *j sorry not gay
§åM: HAHAHAHAHA
<>< RINA <><: i swear ididn't mean gay
§åM:OMG RIN
<>< RINA <><: seriuosly! typo!!
§åM: BAAAHAHA
YOU HANG AROUND JER TOO LONG


LOL.

In the meanwhile, Heroes Season 3 starts Sept 22 and Project Runway is half over with. :D

No Air

Back in NYC. Yesterday emotions ran high. Standing at worship, my fear of going back to a year of unknown events but knowing that God would provide like He has faithfully done for the past three years was comforting. So I was standing there with tears streaming down my face, lips trembling because I was afraid of being lonely but also moved by God's grace and compassion on me for the past while that it became feelings of gladness and thanksgiving. So I was really just a mess because I was both happy and sad. The plane ride back was stunning: clear skies allowed for optimal view of the mountains and lakes. I just played Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown's 'No Air' all the way to Manhattan.




On the flip side of my last entry, there are some really good people; people who I am glad to have met whatever the circumstance. They are the ones who have encouraged me and made me realize that being me was just fine.
I've discovered that there are generous people out there who don't mind giving to a cause that you are passionate about.
I'm glad I met my sewing teacher: a 70 something year old widow who has been really on fire with what I am doing. I came in the other day with only a two hour lesson to conjure something up... I was inspired by a paper plane one of the models folded and brought to the photoshoot so I asked her if we could make a scarf with origami silk planes: the body of the scarf itself was a grey chiffon I had lying around to represent the smoke coming out of the plane. Anyway, it turned out pretty cool: one small plane, one big plane. I call it my kamikaze scarf.
Beyond that, she is just really interested in my senior thesis; she only charges me $20 a lesson. She's like the grandmother I never really had: both my grandmothers are still alive but the language barrier has made it difficult to really communicate.

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Now I know why so many friendships die: often it is because one party does not accept the changes the other friend is going through. They stick with what they perceive their friend to be and if they dare as to break out of that mold, it becomes unacceptable.
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I'm struggling with loving myself for who I am. In my head the devil is battling it out with Cloud and Eldredge: that I can only be who I was created to be, that thinking that I am not 'good enough' will affect how I act. In my heart, I know I am unhappy because I don't feel attractive because I am not attracting other people.

Point blank: I honestly just feel this way because I see all my girl friends around me attracting a lot of interested guys. I, on the other hand, always feel like a fleck on the lens. Some obscurity that doesn't belong in the picture. I always feel like a 'too': too fashionable in the sense where I'm drawing blanks, too tall, too serious, too loud, too shy, too passive, too initiative, too controlling. A lot of the times when I see people not responding to me nor approaching me, I blame it on my height. I don't know why but I always feel that being taller makes me either look more intimidating or more like a whale. I tell myself that guys like girls who are smaller and cuter. Correction: there is large truth in that from observing many people and listening to a lot of people comment on my cousin.

I don't get it: being open has just left me wondering why being open is not working. I can't smile all the time nor do I want to be the one who intitiates the conversation 24/7. This is what I was scared about when I first started this social experimentation a year and a half ago: that even if I was more pro active about my relationships, people wouldn't respond and I wouldn't see any fruit. This has rendered me to an even more frustrated state and at times, even desperate. I've seen how I've acted this past year; I tried to look a particular way to appeal to a certain taste and tried to mirror the social interactions of my friends. It is not to say that all that I saw and regurgitated was wrong, but currently I am not really happy with myself.
"You have the greatest ways of connecting people together, Sam"
I have become the PR person.
I grew my hair out. Determined to grow it as long as possible because other people thought long hair was beautiful. I'm still growing it, I don't know why because I have no reason to anymore but I feel like it took so long to grow, I don't want to chop it off any time soon.

As I see my girlfriends being pursued and my guy friends pursuing other girls, I'm thinking, what the hell is wrong with me.

It's not like I'm sitting back idling my time away, it's not like I'm in the wrong places either.

I wrote last year that God could break my heart. I find it funny that it occured not once but twice this past year. It's not the sob story ones, rather it is one of those quiet, 'pack your bags and leave the house' ones that just take time to get over.

I'm finding it hard to find someone with the right chemistry: there's always something that misses the mark. It's not that I've been keeping a mental checklist and am just writing guys off automatically but things like distance, language and religion all play a huge role.
I was really attracted to the menswear designer in a different way than most guys I have met. While Facebook and MSN allow me to maintain friendships online, with him it was the total opposite. I had to solely rely on getting to know him in person because, well, I can't write Chinese.
Sure, I got to know him on a really superficial level since my cantonese levels are only elementary, but everything from his willingness to work hard, to his honesty (which often resulted in a lot of laughter) to his outgoing personality to his taste in fashion/style really appealed to me. Plus he's not bad looking.
Once he told my cousin and I that he really liked people with the mushroom hair cut. I don't know why, but when he said that, as a girl who has been growing out her hair for two years, I just felt really relieved because his unconventional tastes reminded me of my own. I know it sounds stupid but knowing someone who has a similar appreciation for a particular fashion aesthetic is really comforting. He told me once that it was unfortunate that I wouldn't be back this winter because he was going to start focusing on the cut of garments more than the colour and material. That made me deliriously happy.
Alas he's not Christian and he smokes. Oh and did I mention a language barrier? Although I must say it was pretty good work on our behalf since with my crap canto, we still ended up shopkeeper friends.
But really, this is now a huge motivation for me to learn Chinese. I need something to drive me to want to learn a language and if I can learn how to type mandarin, that would break down the walls online.
So as much as I'd like this to be another rendition of Colin Firth in 'Love Actually', I doubt this would actually work.

I'm really tired, tired of socializing. But I'm afraid to stop socializing all together for fear of people not approaching me then.


Timing is all wrong.
I feel so ugly more so for my inside than out. I think exterior wise I'm decent looking: I think there's something wrong with me inwardly.

I just reread what I wrote about timing. No, the timing is right because God is in control. I just don't see it, that's all.