Meanderings

Took this picture when we were wandering around in search of food in some place on our roadtrip to Las Vegas. Creepy motels and shady diners. Woot woot.


Cousin's bf wanted pics of the monkey in different places. Pit stop at the mountains


Monkey in the Venetian


June 29
Listening to: Utada Hikaru's 'Come Back to Me'
Sorry don't have the youtube link because for some weird reason there are copyright restrictions against HK... argh. I can only find the retarded dance mixes.

I'm feeling really... I don't know what it is exactly.

God, this has been a really weird year.
By far the weirdest and the most eventful year.
It's been good because it's not been full of lethargy and wishful thinking.

I've been spending my days in Hong Kong as if they will never end.
Went to Lamma Island, Disneyland, Shek Kip Mei in pursuit of design, lazing on the beach away from the sun and salt (yes I know it's ironic)...
we stay out at the Causeway Bay McDonald's across Times Square till 2am three days in a row.
This weekend, two archi students (one in HK and one coming from Korea), an old HK friend and I are going to Taipei.
There were a lot of hiccups in the planning since it was so last minute but by God's grace, everything worked out fine.

It's funny how much of my perception has changed since I was here last year. God's really been teaching me through: you can call it 'continuing education' as a post graduate. This is what I've started to understand:
To Love God: not just what we were told in Sunday School but to actually grasp what that is within me. When I speak about God and how He has changed me, I can feel the joy stir inside me. Once I was told to talk about a picture of a silhouetted church and I started to cry because I knew what I was and how He's changed me: not by my own will or strength, but through His grace.
I can't really explain this further but it does lead to the following point:
To Have Faith as Great as a Mustard Seed: Despite being a little lost concerning my future, I have confidence that God will deliver as He always has. These past few months away from the city have been a good time of remembering what He's done in the past as a testament of what He will do in the future. And as a result of this trust, loving God more.

June 30

Sketchy area on our way to the Grand Canyon where we were staying.

This is what I have realized living in Hong Kong:
The rich will never claim they are wealthy because there is still that desire to have more.
They don't understand what they have, they only understand what they want.

Looking at my family, I realized how well off we are. I guess having grown up here, I never noticed it until now. We are not ones to flaunt it through expensive things, elaborate houses or fine dining but my current residence, that is even larger than my house in Toronto, lies on of the two of the dark blue squares in the Hong Kong game of Monopoly. I only began to notice that all the cars are Mercedes, BMWs, Porsches with a sprinkling of the practical Toyotas and Hondas.

I am grateful for it all yet look upon the situation in utter sobriety. When doing devos, I am repeatedly reading what God says concerning the wealthy- those that fade away like flowers in the field.
And I'm at those family dinners: those family dinners where all we talk about is how to win the lawsuits against those who have been stealing from our family company of seventy years. My family is not corrupt but those who work with them are always bickering and trying to find ways to obtain more money to spend it on others in order to impress them (aka taking out all the trainers at California Fitness to dinner and new Chanel bags every few months).
I don't want my life to revolve around all that. Granted that I do live better off than many people and I do need money to fulfill all the basic necessities of life I really do want to learn this:

Philippians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I want to learn just that.
What good is it to have what you want but not being able to enjoy it? As was reiterated by the speaker the previous Sunday, if you aren't satisfied with what you have, you will not be satisfied with what you want.
I guess that's why they say when you pray, you first offer a word of thanksgiving. I never really understood that until now: the importance of being thankful with whatever you already have as a way of showing God that what already is is good enough.
The problem with ambition is that it too, is never satisfied. Ambition never leads to contentment.
The one movie I associate the word 'ambition' with is Gladiator: the part where Commodus speaks to his father right before he murders him:
"You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list, I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father. Ambition. That can be a virtue when it drives us to excel."

And we all know where that got him.

Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. 15:16

Through Proverbs I have also learned the importance of obtaining wisdom through the fruit our words bear. For what flows out from the tongue comes from within: a mirror that reflects what we dwell upon, what we value and what we desire. And a lot of Proverbs has to do with what we say to one another: not words to be flung around haphazardly but used to encourage, correct, rebuke and comfort.

And I find the No.1 issue personally, is the desire to gossip. Gossiping is so easy because the mouth of the person bears none of the expense. Although it was never excessive on my part, I am always double checking what I say lest it be something.
On the other hand, I am also prone to not speaking my mind lest I offend the other person. Why is it that it is so easy to say the stupid, shallow things that gossip brings rather than those things that would benefit the ears of those who listen?

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. 10:19

From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be silenced. The lips of the righteous know what kinds favor, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. 10:31-32

With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbours, but through knowledge the righteous escape. 11:9

The perverse stir up dissension, and gossips separate close friends. 16:28

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. 18:21

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much. 20:19

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. 20:15

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply- and how good is a timely word! 15:23

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. 15:28

Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. 21:23

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; the go down to the inmost parts. 26:22

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. 27:9

Even if the verses do not outright speak about guarding the tongue, there is always this contrast between the righteous and the wicked whom use words to flatter, to please in order to gain more for themselves. Read Proverbs, the theme is so apparent. Go to any random chapter and it will speak about wisdom through the words we utter.

And in all this, the one thing I am really starting to learn is this: to fear God. When I was younger, I associated 'fearing God' in the same way we'd fear leaders such as Hitler, Stalin, Mao. Yet I have come to realize that this fear is a question of what drives a person to do what he does. If I choose to fear Man, I would do whatever it takes to please Him: magazines would dictate what clothes I would wear, friends would dictate what kind of activities I would be participating in, my job would dictate the person I am.

Yet I have chosen to fear God. People are fickle and it is impossible to please them and what do I gain from fearing them besides obtaining temporary approval?
No, it is better to fear God. Particularly at this time when I'm trying to figure out my next move, everything seems to lack value that it makes me despair as to what I am supposed to be doing.
I don't want a job, I want a purpose.
People often mistake their job as their purpose in life. Yet I doubt I will find fulfillment in sketching flats all day at, say, DKNY.

Yet at times, I wonder having made this decision, what my secular friends think of this. Will they perceive me as being dull, boring, judgmental, tame, monochromatic? No I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't swear, I don't club.
And I think this is where trust comes into play: to have that faith of a mustard seed that God will show us the life extraordinary if we just keep our eyes fixed on Him. For me, I've been reminded of this through my devos particularly that of Daniel who was the second highest in command throughout the reign of three kings. Yo he lasted longer than three leaders and all three of them recognized his ability to discern and give good advice.
Besides, it's not like clubbing, drinking and smoking are totally rebellious things to do if they're always stereotyped with the typical teenager.
I desire to be righteous and pure not because it is easy, but precisely because it isn't. And the benefits that come from the discipline and obedience in the pursuit of godliness outweighs all short term rash thinking.


Beach sand

You know how there are some friends you've only met a few times but feel like you've known them since childhood?
I'm glad to have two girlfriends of mine: we only have hung out a few times this past year because one is in Rochester and the other in Kingston. But the three times that we did hang out together be it Congee Wong or eating chinese dessert, God has richly blessed this friendship. We're all struggling with something concerning relationships and jobs and He's used these two as a source of encouragement. We keep in touch through monthly emails and despite the distance and busy schedules, I find this relationship with those two particularly meaningful because it is defined through sharing in each other's problems, searching for God through it all together that makes it, not through distance.
That's what so hard to find in a relationship: to be close to one another in heart despite wherever they may be.


If I have children one day, the one thing I would want to teach them (besides loving God) is having the insatiable appetite to learn.
I don't know how you teach this but as I was rewatching The Pixar Story, the one thing I so admire about Pixar is their desire to learn. As one of the cofounders said concerning John Lasseter, the founder of Pixar, "Just because it (computer animation) hasn't been done, it doesn't mean it can't be done. When we told him we could do so and so on the computer but were having problems animating, say, humans the first thing John would be thinking about is how to animate a human."

I find myself always easily discouraged when problems are thrown my way particularly in what I've been studying. Yet Lasseter and his team of animation artists are a constant reminder that diligence, patience and hardwork bear much fruit later on.

That's why I want to work for Pixar. Not because of the actual product that they show people once a year (according to my intern friend at Pixar, it takes four years to animate one film thus they work on four films simultaneously to issue one out every year) but because of its philosophy, work ethic and morals that really resonate with me. Honestly, none of the Pixar films really made me go crazy (except mb Ratatouille...) but what they believe in really gets me.
I guess that's the mark of an ENFP person (myers-brigg personality test) who lead with their beliefs and morals.

Btw, 'Up' comes out in theaters in HK today. Sigh so late. But I am going to make everyoneeeee watch it. Man, it's August tomorrow. :S


Look left, look right

Taipei tomorrow with awesome friends. ^^

Mountains//Cameras//Books

Stumbled onto this song when watching him rap 250 words in 50 seconds. lol.
Listening to: Wang Lee Hom Heartbeat
I really like it. It's Asian Pop but whatever, it's strangely comforting. It somehow fits my mood these days- a little melancholy, a little lost, a little peaceful.

On the other hand, Jerry sent me this rap by Jin, an American-born Chinese, called 'Yum Dom Cha' about dim sum culture. It is so friggin funny because I do this every day with my grandmother. It's in cantonese so... :P

But I still like this interview of Wang Lee Hom and Jay Chou.
Here is an instance where 'hot' is defined by what they do. I don't find them really physically attractive but if you can sing, play ten instruments and speak five languages... That's hot.

So as I wrote a few weeks ago, the one thing that kinda astounded me as I was traveling was just the sheer variety of mountains in this world. Correction: the variety found in just one state. Most people, when asked to picture a mountain, think of a grey triangle.. perhaps kissed with a little sprinkling of snow or punctuated with a few evergreens. No one thinks of red layers of rock with green trees nor yellow grass covered ones with round bushes dotting the horizon or grey shale whiplashed by rain.


I attempted to document the ones I came across. However the sad thing is is that in trying to capture them on camera do you lose just the sheer enormity of what they are: towering, looming, majestic sculptures that cannot be summarized in just one frame.
Looking back at my pictures, they seem so... small.
Nevertheless I saw them with my own eyes, just a fragment of the genius of God's design:



Checkerboard pattern mountain from hard hitting rain.


Just driving and along the way was a series of rolling mountains with heads of golden locks speckled with bushes and trees.


Canyons. Crazy colour. Funny shape. The end.


Inside the canyon. Friggin guy was in my shot T-T

p
Canyons made out of layers and layers of compressed fine sand (same place as featured above). Close up shot of the sand inside the canyons. If you threw a handful of it on the rocks, on camera, the sand looks like water.


In the middle of nowhere


Grand Canyon. Though it wasn't really that grand compared to the others we saw which were prettier


Cattle grazinggg

One thing I've noticed in coming back to HK after a year is that there has been a huge increase of SLR cameras. EVERYONE carries some form of a SLR and not just a dinky entry level one, but 5D's with telephoto L lenses.

It makes me wonder what even makes a photographer. The medium is so available to all that it loses some of its integrity by being so attainable. If one owns a SLR camera, does that make the person a photographer? It annoys me because I feel like most of them buy it because they have money, yet who is to say that I am not exactly like one of those people? Who knows, perhaps I am the spoiled one who can't operate her camera if her life depended on it. But anyway, people carry them around like they carry a Chanel bag. It does place you at some order of social status in addition to boasting about your photography skills (or so you hope so). It's an unspoken language: to see others carry the same brand of camera as you and the 'pro-ness' of the equipment somehow allows you to compare yourself with others. I do it sadly: some guys are lugging their Canons looking smug because... they have such fancy equipment that how can someone like I, possibly comprehend? That is until I pull out L from my dinky drawstring bag. One of the wedding photographers at the SF wedding saw me struggling one day with trying to capture a photo of my cousin and a few family members proceeded to march up to me to tell me why I was having issues with my camera settings. That was until he realized after I handed it to him to fiddle around with, that in fact the environment was just not right for that kind of photo.
Anyway, photography is huge here in HK. Yet there is still that lack of artistry here. They are more pictures for documentation than for capturing the poetic undertones found in a composition.



Remember that guy who said I should look for a boyfriend in a bookstore? Mb he's right because half of my time is spent at Page One or so my luck has it, at the annual HK book fair. I kid.
I love books. Okay I don't read that much anymore but the books I think of are design books. You know, the ones you find on coffee tables, displayed artfully for your guests to see what great taste you have be it black and white portraits by Richard Avedon or the guises of Cindy Sherman.
I know I should read more books that actually have words in them, but design is pretty much visual hence why I like big pictures of products placed flat on a white board with a brief description of the concept and mechanics of the items. From product to packaging to brand identity to fashion to architecture to graphic design, I love it all.
I find that books are very giving. From the very first time the spine is cracked to the day it is shelved, books are always giving. When the reader has his fill and shelves it along with the others not to be open again for another year or so, those very same ideas be it visual or verbal are still available.
Books are aspirational. When I look at the glossy pictures of design objects, it encourages me to be a designer. When I pour through those type of books, my brain is on visual haywire, thirsty to see more and to remember yet always trying to taste something new.
One of my favourite gifts ever received by a friend was given to me right before I came to New York City. A friend thoughtfully got me a two book Phaidon set on the history of fashion through photographs. She thought it would be helpful to have references for when I needed to design or study the history of costume. It has proved useful countless of times, and even when it is not in use, it is lovely to have to just look at.
There are so many friggin design books I want to buy at Page One that I am not getting anything because it's all just too good.

Business x Art

Stopped by a small shrine at the Fushimi Inarii. I'm not sure what the 'theme' of this shrine was but there were little kimono origami in baskets for visitors to write on and hang.

A couple of days ago two distant 'cousins' asked me to have dinner with them, knowing fully well that we were going to eat near LKF so that they could go clubbing/drinking later.

I think we all have a mutual fascination in how we live our lives that are completely different from each other.

They asked me what I did on a normal day in Hong Kong as if their choice in lifestyle was the best option. For them it would consist of going to work (or more like trading stocks), dinner and then straight to LKF for drinks and what we all call 'social networking' which can be summed up as getting drunk, grinding with girls and playing games of trying to hook friends up with random people at the bar.

Although I despise their behaviour, it also fascinates me. It fascinates me because I don't see why they find so much 'fulfillment' in their activities to have to constantly repeat five out of seven days.

They asked me how my Japan trip was, so I proceeded to talk about the Tadao Ando building (21 21 Design Sight, Roppongi Hills that I mentioned below), the architecture and the different shrines we visited in Kyoto.
They seemed to glaze over all that and proceeded to ask: how were the clubs in Tokyo?
To hear that I didn't go clubbing in Tokyo, one of them said one could only get the full local experience if one goes clubbing. For shrines, nature and art can all be seen in books, pictures that somehow serve the same kind of experience as being there.
------____------

I used to think I'd be attracted to people who were opposite me, specifically engineers and business guys, but people like them remind me why I so dislike guy in business.

If we did not meet on the basis of family, I would not be friends with you guys.
Yeah, I said that to them. Looking back, that was kind of harsh and mean.... but ARGH. Yes I can understand that you can experience Japan by going to clubs to meet people but you can do that ANYWHERE in the world and it'd all be the same. If they decided to take a good hard look at their lives to try to find a job in life that would give them a purpose, they wouldn't need to go out after work to find fulfillment in clubbing and hooking up.

They were surprised that I hadn't dated, thus advising me to go the a library or bookstore to meet people.
Sometimes I don't know if they're trying to ridicule me or are just kidding around.

Don't take this the wrong way, I enjoy their company and they're both really friendly as guys but... yeah our morals and values are so different that if I met them under different circumstances, I really cannot see myself holding them as friends.

To them, friendship is defined by what they can get out of one another, commitment to a girl relative to who else is available.
Argh why are guys either really fruity or really caveman-like!? Where is the inbetween?

To them, the definition of 'hot' is purely physical: a girl with curves. Apparently he finds HK girls less than 50% attractive which I think is highly not true.
Who says he's hot stuff anyway?
My definition of 'hot' is never one that solely runs on appearances. If I saw an attractive person on the street I'd think "he is good looking" but I would not say he's hot because I don't see it as an external thing only. The people I find 'hot', can extend to those who I maintain platonic friendships with. 'Hot', in my opinion, are those people who are comfortable with themselves and have the confidence to fully embrace their difference. These people I find really attractive purely because they do not conform themselves to what others think is good. They may just be my friends but I find them attractive because of their idiosyncracies.
No one says "she has a hot personality," my friend said.
No, but another way of perceiving people who are 'hot' are those who do something that makes them look 'hot'. I asked another friend who she thought was hot to which she answered "surfers and drummers." Perhaps the image associated with the surfer and the drummer is appealing (sandy blonde, golden tan, toned body versus scruffy, brunette hair, t shirt and jeans boy looks) but it is precisely what they do, that makes them so hot. Surfers surf, drummers drum. I think Quest Crew is hot (well certain members) because when they dance they have fun and their personalities just come through in their passion. They may be 5'3" but I'm a fan because they are 1)seem comfortable with who they are 2)love what they do.
Plus Ryan Conferido plays and composes his own piano compositions. XD
So technically hotness can be obtained by anyone and is not solely reserved for those who resemble Angelina or Johnny.

Whatever, perhaps I will venture to LKF next week with these dudes to see what the
whole fuss is about.

On Saturday hung out with an archi friend. Seriously there is nothing to do in HK besides shopping and eating. I miss all the artsy stuff to do in Japan and New York. What I dislike most about HK is the fact that when art IS displayed for all the public to see, it is usually used more as a promotional tool to encourage people to buy the souvenirs and products on display. It is never for art's sake and art's sake alone.
But art cannot exist with commerce. And commerce cannot exist without design.
Sigh.
Birdwalk: we ended up hanging around, went to Yau Ma Tei to watch this randoom French foreign film called 'Paris 36' that turned out to be a really great movie with a recognizable cast if you saw 'Les Choristes': an earlier french film that I love for its soundtrack and charming script. I highly recommend watching both. Then it was dinner at 12am followed by a mad dash to the bus because it was a Typhoon Signal 9. LOL. I didn't get home till 2:30am and was soaked to the bone but it was fun.
See that's the fun I like. The fun where I actually can spend quality time with someone rather than having to constantly feel like I have to check out other people or whatnot.

Anyway this was just a rant. A lot of useless babble. Nevertheless I wish people could see differently.

The Floating World: Notes on Nippon/ Dreams

Notes on Nippon

The Inarii Fushimi Shrines dedicated to... a ton of fox spirit thingies... hence people wrote their wishes on the back of these fox cards and hung them in the shrine

Back in HK.
This is officially the end of the 'adventure' side of my trip. What happens from here on, I have no sweet clue.
But perhaps standing on the precipice of not knowing and confusion is in actuality the gloriousness of knowing I can do anything. There is no horizon . I guess also having three citizenships help too. :P
I know I used to think of it as a vice but now I am quite enjoying the idea of a hobo-like existence.

Anyway to the main reason for why I am blogging:
I love photo essaying. I may sound like a narcissist to say this but I take pride in creating my Facebook photo albums. I love trying to find a narrative throughout the mere sixty images of a long span of time and writing little blurbs for each of them. That's just me. The loneliness of being the photographer is counterbalanced with the ability of being able to share with others your specific viewpoint of the world.

And in my world, I enjoy seeing the God of small things.
I have over 1000 pictures (633 are mine, the rest are my friend's) of Japan so I decided to put some of the outtakes here.

Our trip was seven days long split between Tokyo(2), Kyoto(3) and then back to Tokyo(1). Unfortunately our flight was delayed so we basically wasted our first day at the HK airport getting shuttled around from gate to gate and didn't arrive into Tokyo until 8pm. We stayed at a hotel in Shinjuku, the Penn station of Tokyo, where there were a ton of pachinko machines, arcades with a lot of those claw games and a ton of restaurants. We lived across Takashimaya, Flags, 0101 and Isetan department stores. All I can say about Tokyo is that it was a little disappointing. It's like any other city and if you've lived in NYC, you've kinda seen it all. This is not out of arrogance that I say this but it wasn't really all that interesting. City life is city life: people get up early, go to work, get drunk and play a few pachinko machines before hitting up the sushi restaurant and falling asleep reading manga. Yeah. Just watching the stream of uniformed men rushing out of the train station made me realize that I did not want that office job.

Getting around Japan was fun. All you really need to know is 'Sumimasen!' (excuse me) to get people's attention and then they realize they got a faker but it's too late for them to ignore you anyway. lol. The subway was easier to navigate than what I previously remembered it to be. If you know how to use NYC subways, you can do Tokyo. I've noticed there is no such thing as wandering in Japan: you have to know exactly where you are going at what time.

Highlight of Tokyo: Hands down 21_21 Design Sight: a design gallery with an exceptionally beautiful architectural structure of cement and glass with an equally poetically curated exhibit called 'Bones'. Trying to describe the exhibit itself would be useless because you wouldn't be able to feel or see the pieces on display. But for record's sake, there was this piano with hammers out of prisms of glass that when you pressed the keys, it would create this chilling sound similar to a glockenspiele. And it was lit from a single light source that would create this hauntingly beautiful chandelier of an instrument.
They also featured this chair that would emit red lights at the pressure points when you sat down on it that it made you feel as if you were inflicting pain on the furniture itself.
There was also this crazy interactive design piece that was a piece of paper on a table that was touch-sensitive so that it would emit a program whenever you moved it around or flipped the paper around. Looked like something out of Ironman.
There was also this totally useless machine that when you wound up its accordian like neck, it would emit a wailing sound. It was totally useless but cool.


Japan is an interesting dichotomy of function and absolutely uselessness. It is also an interesting mix of uniformity and conformity and plain weird. We always associate 'Japanese' as pure, minimalist, black and white. We think of Muji, we think of Uniqlo, we think of Bonzai trees and rock gardens.
Let me ask you where the toilets fall into this category? While music to cover the tinkling of your urine may be 'functional' on a social standpoint (although I find it rather odd that you are announcing to the world that you are about to pee but are too embarrassed to do it so you have to play some musical fanfare over it), are heated toilet seats really necessary? Although I must say the automatic deodorizer is a really good idea when you share bathrooms. lol.
Another fascinating I find about this idea of function versus form is in their packaging. The Japanese were always excessive in their packaging. When I purchased three cakes from the department store, they made sure that each cake was individually wrapped in card (not sure why... cuz it's already wrapped in cellophane or with some disposable gold plate) and then where there is potential for the cakes to slide en route to its planned destination, they stuff each area with circles of card. This all goes into a big box that comes with a matching bag.
Ridiculous yet oh so useful.
And then there are those things we call umbrellas: plastic covered aluminum skeletons with a wider handle. In Japan we call them $50 designer brand with UV protection and frilled lace with a matching bag to go with it. They are so small, compact and light it makes any american umbrella look clumsy.
But honestly, a $50 umbrella?
Uniformity and conformity versus the weird and the different. It's so hard to describe for when you think about 'Japanese design' the majority of people think about their austere, minimalist interiors. When we went to Kyoto, I was so surprised by how everything was unified through one singular aesthetic from the bento boxes to the architecture to the cobblestones to the way people dressed. Yet how is it that we consider the Japanese as the most avant garde designers of this generation? What I want to know is: how do the Japanese design in a society that is so structured and uniform? If I lived in Kyoto and spent my days looking at the same style of temple, sidewalk and street, I would not be able to imagine a world that was any different.
It boggles my mind.

But what about the food that everyone has been ranting and raving about?
Japanese food is good but a little overrated.
Not to sound like a snob, but New York food is really that good. Sushi at Matsuri in the Meatpacking District is on par with the local places in Tokyo. While Japan sticks with tradition, New York invents.
While I can't really critique food because I ain't no cook, I can give my review on the patisserie that I sampled.
In total I consumed 15 confections over a period of seven days.
The highlight of that experience fell on the first day when my cousin prior to my trip told me to try the McDonald Mcflurries for their flavours. When we got there we realized that the flavour of the month was in Japanese so we ordered it anyway. It appeared to be ice cream with crushed oreo in a glass cup.
Turns out it was Royal Milk Tea and Oreo flavour.
OMG IT WAS SO FRIGGIN GOOD.
Seriously it was so good I had it three times. lolol I love it when people take the familiar and give it a little twist or a kick to it to make it something new but... comforting. Those are the best desserts.

I tried matcha rolls, about six individual cakes from upscale department stores (those are the prettiest), matcha drinks and sundaes and shaved ice with adzuki bean and mochi (mochi was so yum.. I usually don't like mochi or red bean but that was an exception). One of the more spectacular desserts I had was this plain looking almond jelly in a cup. Turns out the bottom layer was mashed almond and spread on top a thin layer of jelly. Omg it was heaven: the jelly was a lot softer than your typical Jello so it was just a... symphony of confectionary goodness bursting on my tongue.
But yeah, I have never seen such gorgeous desserts until I hit up the department stores of Japan. Japan definitely takes the cake on creating visually pleasing desserts... pun intended. :P
Yeah I ate a lot of dessert yet I havent' sweated so much in ages... lugging this camera to take these pics has been hellish but worth it.

My family said I'd spend a ton of money so they gave me $2000 USD worth of Yen to spend. Yet there wasn't all that much I wanted to get in Japan. Granted there was a ton of nice stuff but not all that much I'd appreciate on the long run: it was more like pure novelty and amusement. But I did splurge a little... =S
Comme Des Garcons sheer jacket, a backpack, two Graniph shirts, some jelly, a box of milk tea chocolates, a bag of matcha cooies and some garish nail stuff.
I was kinda disappointed with the fashion in Japan: it wasn't all that exciting or inspiring. I noticed every girl was wearing leggings and stirrup tights because everyone is so deathly afraid of getting tanned, they wear UV nailpolish (not kidding) and long sleeves. Dude it was 35C there. While we don't share the same fashion taste, the Japanese and I both love to layer. They layer to hide their skin from the sun, I layer... out of insecurity and boredom. lol.
I didnt' see the cosplayers because I was in Kyoto on the Sundays that they usually come out on.

Kyoto.
I was a lot happier in Kyoto. Though I perceive myself as a city person, I fell in love with the old beauty of this city that can only come from age. You will see in the following pictures, my attempts to capture time in the beauty of the wood decaying over time. I loved how clean all the side streets were and how wonderfully uniform their aesthetic was.
We did a lot of naturey things. If you saw me post Japan, you wouldn't think I came from the city because I'm a lot darker and my legs are as red as torii gates from twelve mosquito bites from biking in the bamboo forests.
We took a boat to Arashiyama and floated down the river in a row boat filled with 25 people: the guide, who didnt' speak any English, constantly asked me 'daijoubu?' and thanks to having watched j dramas, I could answer back. He was afraid my camera would get wet when we went down the relatively torrential waters. From there we biked into the bamboo forests and up the winding paths to see the temples and shrines. It was so hot, we had to skip a lot of it. I was already bright red because I was just that smart for not bringing sunscreen.
We saw geisha. Correction: we stalked maiko and were lucky enough to bump into them at the right times before they were paparazzied by tourists. On one occasion I was photographing a lantern when the door behind was opening. I was a little annoyed that someone was blocking my shot only to realize it was a maiko coming out to meet a client hence decided to stick my big camera in front of her face. jk. But I did get a shot of her with my stalker lens. XD

Highlight of Kyoto: Crap. The Fushimi Shrines that you see in Memoirs of a Geisha where Sayuri is running through a million red posts, the two hour boat ride, the soba and tempura set, the yuzu milkshake, shopping in Shijo.


One of the maiko we saw when my friend was trying to take a picture of me on the streets of Gion


One of the bamboo forests we saw.. so beautiful except the darned mosquitoes


Argh so beautiful


Detail


Beauty in details on the wall


My favourite place in Tokyo: Roppongi Hill's 21 21 Design Sight


Aged


A really expensive peach but they were ginormous. Isn't my two-tiered bento oh so cute? Yeah I just bought it purely for looks.


TA DA. I saw this white peach tart the first time I went into this department store and came back for it the following day. It's prettier than it tastes and only one out of three cakes I bought that day. lolol


Candid in front of 21 21


FAKERS (will explain more another time)


I thought this door was so friggin pretty with the three types of wood paneling.

I wish I had an extra two days: one day in Tokyo and one in Kyoto. If I had an extra day in Tokyo, I would definitely go visit the Hayao Miyazaki's Ghibli Museum, look at the architecture in Ginza and eat ramen, and if I had an extra day in Kyoto, I'd go see the Miho Museum: this stunning architectural museum buried under a mountain with the turrets just peaking out to remind you of its artificiality.



Dreams
My family has a really good friend in Tokyo and she was gracious enough to host my friend and I for two out of the three days we were in the city by bringing us around. The topic of boys came up and she asked if we were dating to which we both said no. She proceeded to wonder aloud why 'two sweet girls' weren't taken and gave us advice to date now to test it out for the long run.
My only answer to her question was that living in a transition city and always on the move isn't really helpful in this area (in addition to being in fashion school with 85% girls). Before we parted ways she ran out yelling "Find boyfriends!!"
Yeah okay. Find me options and then we'll talk.

For the past two weeks, I've been having really odd dreams. All of them dealt with
these types of relationships. Two of them in particular concerning my non existent wedding, three dealing with certain guys in my life.
None of them were good.

The most vivid of them was concerning my wedding. The first question that probably comes to mind is, "who was the groom?"
He looked like one of my cousins but he wasn't related to me. I think my brain needed to put a face to his body and required it to be someone I'd for sure not be attracted to and since blood cousins can't marry, hence the association. He only resembled him.
Anyway because I was busy traveling and doing stuff, my mom planned out my wedding from what the dress looked like (one of those pouffy ones.. not horrendous but not what I'd want to wear) to where I was to get married (in some cathedral). It was on the morning of the wedding that I realized that this was not what I wanted. First and foremost, I wasn't attracted to the groom. Secondly due to my artistic nature, I wanted to plan my own wedding in terms of what it looked like. Yet I was too afraid to admit to my mom that all her work was a waste of time. I was so freaked out that I made myself wake up knowing that it was a dream.

The second dream came at a time when I was picking my dress out (ha ha I know the fashion side of me still dreams about gowns). I was standing in this ugly fluorescent lit room with linoleum flooring. There were about ten other brides there and at the sound of 'go!' we were all required to step into our cubicle-like dressing rooms where if I placed my fists to my armpits, I'd hit the walls. Imagine trying to put on a huge dress in there. The gown I tried on was a Rochas confection with many layers in black tulle except when I came out I was wearing a black headwrap like the Muslim women. The dress was black and so was this head covering of mine.

The other dreams were a little less vivid yet still they had their Lewis Caroll airs to them.
Maybe I'm actually dreading the wedding. lol.

Anyway, ever since I returned and people know I have graduated from college, suddenly the topic of boyfriends becomes of utmost interest to them. My grandmother has asked, various relatives and friends. It's as if the automatic natural stage in life after school is finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.
I don't know.
I don't even see anyone worth dating for the long run. Short term flings, perhaps but nothing worth pursuing.
The chauffeur asked me the other day if I was dating and when I said "no" the automatic answer seems to be "yeah maybe it's better so you can find yourself."
It seems that dating is more important than being secure with who you are.

I told him I wanted to find a job fulfilling that not only satisfied me monetarily but which I could really be 'me' in.
I've finished Proverbs and if there is one thing I learned is that money does not satisfy (will write more on this later).

Yet I know I'm ashamed to say that I've bought into this idea that happiness is finding your 'happy ever after' with that certain someone. It's not something you learn in school: it's something you learn thanks to Disney, thanks to cinema, thanks to what people tell you.
And it's something I'm trying to reject as what is considered as 'good' in this world: to believe that I'm only worth as much as what the opposite sex deems attractive.
Because deep down, I know that finding him may be nice but in the end it wouldn't be fulfilling if I haven't fully developed myself as a person.

One of the most wonderful memories I had in Japan was this: we were traveling back to Tokyo from Kyoto by bullet train. I was really tempted to sleep because we were always waking up early to cram in as much sightseeing as possible but I had neglected my devos for the past few days and felt bad for having been so blessed and choosing to not meet with God.
But God was gracious: plugged into my music and finished Proverbs up sitting next to the window of the train looking out at the landscape passing by. It was so peaceful. It rained in Kyoto every day the previous week yet when we arrived in Japan, it did not rain at all. And I felt really refreshed through reading the God-given wisdom of Solomon particularly in this:

Saying 15: Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:17-18

This world is saying "find a boyfriend, find love, find happiness" yet God says "search for me first and happiness will come from knowing Me for I am Love." But what does this world know of anything more marvelous than what is so boasts as being good? And that is in relationships.
I have come to know, and am still learning, to find security in being someone who needs not another half to be complete. I struggle with it daily knowing not the plans that are in store for me yet I know the creative life does not start with the cookie cutter one.

As Proverbs so beautifully finishes with this,
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Riben tomorrow...
Japan for seven days

Shinjuku, Tokyo: 9-10
Kyoto: 11-13
Shinjuku, Tokyo: 14-15

I miss the SF leg of the trip dang it (I think it's from listening to the Ka soundtrack too much). I miss my retarded extended family.
I wanted to post up more canyon pics but my comp is tired and needs to sleep.

Like me.
Wish I was in Vegas again with my cousins again. It was definitely surreal.
I need to learn to be satisfied in the moment. Which is going to Japan. I think it's because my dislike for the unknown prevents me from enjoying anticipation at times. Ergh. Ok I need sleep.

Citizen of Culture

New Yorkers chilling in Seoul

So I saw the MV for this song my host's sister, in Korea, is obsessed with: Big Bang and 21 Lollipop
The colours make me go 0_0 and the melody is really catchy.
Man, Asia digs cute girls. I am in a mixture of fascination and repulsion seeing and hearing the female vocalists.



I noticed that when I was in Korea, while I didn't have a cell phone or have the ability to speak Korean, I was free. Free in the way that I was entering into a culture that was completely foreign to me (save what I got from Korean American friends in NYC).
It didn't phase me that I didn't know Korean: I would say my 'kamsahamnida' when I was given something and if I needed anything, I'd just ask one of my friends to get it for me. On the subways we would talk loudly in English, I took pictures shamelessly and would try anything there with enthusiasm. I didn't care that while 85% of Korean women wore heels every day to go everywhere (even to the amusement park), I wore flats. For eight days, all words that came through my ears were foreign to me: I was pretty much the oblivious tourist.

Two hours by plane, I arrived in Hong Kong. Suddenly there were expectations. Expectations of being able to speak the language fluently, to look like a Hong Kong kid, to know exactly where I was going and how to get there. I was starting to feel the pressure to be the norm sink in to the bones. For the past few days that I've been here, I've noticed that 50% of the subway ads and bus commercials have to do with weight loss or lingerie that helps to enhance.. whatever.
I feel so embarrassed to speak Cantonese because I can hear my accent and at times I'm not sure what the sentence structure should be. The words always roll around on my tongue and it makes me really nervous to talk to strangers, worse, today at a dinner with girls my age and my mom's best friend. I felt like a retard who couldn't speak eloquently despite knowing exactly what I wanted to say. I held my tongue, literally.

As I was waiting for my friend to meet me at the Wan Chai station today, I recalled some words of advice I gave to someone in Las Vegas. It was when he won the $300 at Roulette and he asked if he should take a chance and spend it all on poker. I told him to be content with what he had. For he'd be the richest man at the casino if he was satisfied with what he got and to not desire for more.
Yet I was reminded that the very same words of wisdom that I gave to him, fit me so perfectly. As I wrote in the previous entry, my insecurity and struggles of self acceptance and trying to fit into the 'what should,could,if'. If I, Sam, can be content with how I was created because I was 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and not wish to be ten pounds thinner or have longer hair or better skin or more slender calves or nicer clothes, I would be richer than the majority of the female population in our society.
Why do I blame myself for not speaking Cantonese properly? It felt right to know my mother tongue, my language inherited by lineage yet I was not born here nor did I attend a school that spoke it. Yet I am constantly blaming myself for losing that cultural part of me: that my children will not know Chinese because I did not learn it whatever the circumstance. But is that really a fault, an issue, a problem, an identity crisis?

Truthfully, not really. It should not matter that my Cantonese sucks so long as people understand the general idea of what I'm saying and accomodating those who can't speak English well is better than not trying at all. Nor should it matter I don't visually look like the standard HKer (more hip hop, relaxed than Korean blouse and skirt combo). Ironically while I've been complaining that my number one pet peeve about Asia is that they shamelessly just copy other people, I too, have been trying to adjust myself to fit in with Asian culture. How original: way to go with thinking outside of the box there.
I failed last year. My Cantonese improved, my Jay Chou repertoire expanded exponentially, my style became slightly fobbier but it wasn't really satisfying because I had to maintain it according to the trend. As I wrote a year ago, I realized that if you were born to be different, you should live out your difference. I realized I couldn't try to fit in if I wanted to because I wasn't born in the same circumstances as those who are part of the culture. Though it does not define me, HKers remember me because of my sketchbook. They remember the girl who 'draws pretty pictures'.
Being memorable and making an impression is better than being everyone else. To be different is better than being forgettable. I guess in the end, we just want to find acceptance.
Being who I am has its perks: I am not defined by one country alone. I am so blessed to not be restricted physically but can bounce between the east and the west.

The central theme of my testimony for my baptism was this idea of finding Home and the idea that our identity and citizenship is not found here on earth but in Heaven. To see how I acted in Korea as opposed to Hong Kong, I've realized that I need to have that kind of perspective on life. I need to be an outsider looking in, perhaps trying to understand the clockworks of a culture but not conforming to it. For conforming is exhausting and impossible as a Christian, we were never designed to fit in here. Why would you want that in a world that has an expiry date, all that is part of it too will disappear? The Christian life should be lived without the expectations of American, Canadian or Chinese culture. It should be shaped and defined by something completely out of this world. And people should be able to see that the fuel we function on doesn't run dry because of what culture expects from us.

Hm, I feel a little better now.

Bringing Sexy Back// Values

Sexy Back

If you could pick two out of the four attributes: cute, sexy, smart and funny, which two would you choose?
On my flight from SF to Korea (via Japan) I was watching 'He's Just Not that Into You', and the question popped up. It's been interesting to ask people what they'd choose and gives you an insight of how we all we want to be perceived as.
#1 Choice was 'Sexy' and 'Funny'.



Listening to: Lady Gaga's Paparazzi Remix
In Grade 5, when I used to live in Hong Kong, we had a field trip to a museum in Kowloon that housed Chinese historical treasures from across the dynasties. The souvenir store carried the typical Chinese tourist fare for the Caucasian eye including the 'Chinese' translations of english names scripted on plastic keychains. I recall all my friends looking for their names, and when I found mine, my name was broken down (somehow) into 'Sa', 'man', 'tha'. I remember this so clearly because one of the syllables somehow was associated with the word 'sexy'. And being the awkward twelve year old I was, I was extremely embarrassed for I never wanted to be regarded as such a 'grown up' attribute.

Ten years later, I never really outgrew that awkwardness. I grew to be taller than most of my friends: about a head taller to be exact. People say being tall is a great asset yet I feel out of scale especially here in Asia. I was always long with long limbs and a face to match. Once I wore shorts to church and my mom scolded me for wearing such revealing clothes to worship. Ever since then I always felt really weird about wearing shorts in general for when I did, I felt people doing the Elevator Eyes and I was somehow sinning. I know, girls love attention when guys stare especially when they go out at night to clubs. Yet the very reason why I hate bars and clubs is precisely because I hate guys who stand around leering at the girls on the dance floor.
For most of my christian walk, what I thought was modesty was in fact shame and guilt thus I covered up not out of humility and piety but out of embarrassment. While most people use fashion to attract attention to the body, I use it to distract.

An americanized friend one asked, in bewilderment, the reason why I liked having a small chest and prefered the boy figure, I told her it was because girls with curves are really restricted with what they can wear without looking slutty.

Slutty. 'Sexy' rides the fine line between that in its positive nature and slutty in the negative. It sounds really odd, but I'm really scared people will perceive me as in the negative when I wear shorts and heels. Yet while I struggled with fitting into HK culture last year, I've come to accept the fact that Difference is a gift.

The worst thing about this struggle with self worth and beauty is that beauty, in itself, is an idol that is so difficult to overcome because it requires to give up the self in the most visible manner. For Lucifer was beautiful and was blinded by his own image that his pride caused him to fall. In the same way, my struggle to find contentness with how God designed me at times becomes a self absorbing quest that at times I forget that I was created in the image of God and not vice versa.

This is not a pity post to complain about what most people perceive as a blessing, I see as a hindrance. In the end, it is my struggle to fear God over Man.




Values
Yesterday I met up with a friend and we talked for over an hour over coffee before going to see his apartment above Elements. While I didn't really know him that well,
he's been trying to get me to go to LKF where all the clubs and bars are in HK with him and his drinking buddies and girl friends. We began talking about our dreams and futures and I realized our philosophies in life were polar opposite. While he dreams of creating a product that would sell big so he could afford to travel all over the world, I kept insisting about the integrity and creativity of that product to set itself above the rest. He said he could care less about the ingenuity of it so long as it sells. Then came a dialogue about relationships and 'friends' who use each other to get girls' phone numbers and financial support.

I found it all so meaningless.
Even in the most realistic sense, I reasoned, to go out to clubs requires drinking both pre drinking and at the location drinking which costs money. And then to get ready requires money because most people only wear a clubbing outfit once and transporation wise, you most likely have to take a cab because you're probably too drunk to get on the subway or are wearing stilettos that inhibit walking. And I dislike drinking because I am drinking something I think tastes bad but I have to eat something beforehand to ensure that I don't get drunk too fast. So basically I am eating extra calories so that I can take in more liquid calories later on of some booze I hate the taste of to begin with.
I'd rather eat a piece of dense chocolate cake.
Plus I can do without the Asian glow.

The conversation was so vastly different from the ones I've had with my NYC friends working at Pixar or at an architecture firm. I find it hard to respect people like that who have a pure business mindset. They seem to want to please people more than pleasing the self. Although they both can be idols, the latter I perceive as a healthy self satisfaction with a product rather than finding happiness only when other people find what you do of value.

On the flip side, I met up with another friend (archi friend from NYC!) for dinner/movie/dessert in Causeway and it was such a relief to discuss about concept design and product development over milk tea and moleskins. He doesn't club, drink or party either and his goal in life is not to make oodles of money to waste away: I find it difficult to offer clubbers the respect they deserve as human beings but setting myself apart from their values without appearing like a prude or condescending by nature. Iono, I just found it so comforting to speak to someone of like mindedness.

It's funny, these relationships that started off ten months ago in New York on an unassuming Sunday afternoon, feel like an old glove: full of warmth and familiarity without the pretentiousness and need to impress. I shared with them that it's funny that in the course of ten months, I've hung out with one of them in Toronto, New York and Korea while the other in Toronto, New York and Hong Kong.
It's definitely an undeserved and unexpected blessing.

I've been reading Proverbs seeking for wisdom and Chapter 16 really spoke out to me:
To human beings belong the plans of the heart but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. People may think all their ways are pure, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans...In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

A Wedding

Listening to: Cirque du Soleil's Shadowplay
I've realized that my love for soundtracks stem from the idea that music can bring into mind images, and words into pictures. Thus here is the corresponding scene from 'Ka' that goes with Shadowplay. It's such a simple idea but I love how everything is done with the hands so fluidly: Shadowplay scene


I didn't get a chance to post up the pictures of my cousin's wedding on Facebook since I wanted to keep all of SF/Vegas/Arizona condensed into one album thus I will post up some of the shots here because I really do love these and it seems like such a shame for them to go unnoticed.
I love wedding photography. I blame it on my cousin introducing me to Jessica Claire and her point of view and taste is really similar to mine (if I had the skills to shoot like that). In terms of wedding photography, I like it to the extent where I am one of the only photographers because you end up competing for the same angles and space with the others and it ends up in a whole lot of annoyance. I was fortunate to be the only photographer at the beginning when the bride was getting ready (the professional photographer charges $500/hour so they decided to cut it short and save some money.. dude I'd do it for $400). I woke up at 6am to catch all the action that was going on. This is the part I love: the serenity and stillness that comes with the morning mixed in with the anxiety and eagerness that hangs in the air for what is to come. There's always this quiet buzz around the bridal party as everyone gets ready to play the parts. So here's what I saw through the lens. I really hate using flash so it was kinda difficult in the candlelit setting where people were in constant motion to capture shots.. or mb I'm just too amateur still T-T:


The First Dance
This shot was a heckuva shot to get considering I didn't want to use flash and the couple were constantly moving (although the dance was more of a shuffle) plus the disco lights weren't helping my camera adjust to the setting. Oh well I really like it anyway.


Her
She's just friggin gorgeous. The end.


The shoes.. you gotta have a picture of just the shoes.


Grown Up
My niece aka the flower girl next to the bride's dress.


Beaded Bodice
I like detail shots and this is one of them.


Peace out Cub Scout


The Crew
Aka the bridesmaids in deep purple one shoulder Grecian-inspired dresses with a green orchid in their hair which was twisted into a bun with a braid going across.


Bribery
In traditional modern Chinese weddings, the groom and his men have to bribe the single ladies and the bridesmaids to see the bride. This is done through a series of planned games to jest at the groom and make the party do stupid things. On the balcony we let down this basket asking for money and the response we got from them were a bunch of Tiffany bags filled with these notes. Later on they finally put the corresponding Tiffany boxes inside along with $999.99.


Tea Ceremony
This is on the morning of the wedding where the couple serve tea to their elders/relatives who give them their blessings and lai see.


Bloody Cuteness
These were just two out of the five in the mini bridal party. I wasn't at the exchange of vows (thanks to the fact that I had to guard the money and the card box so I went in late to avoid showing up too early after the bride went in) but apparently the littlest of the five started freaking out and crying in the middle of the walk. lol. I'm sure it happens often.


Father and Daughter
The Maid of Honor (featured in front of the bride) is the bride's younger sister. =)


This is It
About to enter into the ceremony.


Vows
Exchanging vows- I caught the last bit. It was literally fifteen minutes long- the shortest exchange I've ever seen. But the space was really pretty. After the exchange of vows, there was a brief reception while a crew changed the chairs for tables to turn it into the 'banquet hall'


Bushed
From morning till evening, the boys are beat.


Happy Father


Crab Dungeness Souffle appetizer
I was really impressed by the catering particularly the roast beef entree (not featured here) which came out moist and tender. lol


Candy Bar
Apparently the trend these days is to not only serve the cake but have a candy bar as a supplement. In my opinion the arrangement of the candy bar was a little sparse and dull. I could have done a better job jazzing up with layers and playing with the height of all elements on display... like my L picnic I had last summer. lol




People say that the pictures I take are 'artistic' (I guess rather than documentative? Whatever that means) yet when I look at them, they seem nice for a minute and then plain ordinary.