I've arrived safely!! Wow.. I love going on planes and looking out the window... We saw the most gorgeous clouds today... they piled up on top of each other... Like the tops of cauliflowers... And it's just so amazing... If we're so in awe of the stuff in this world.. I wonder what Heaven would be like. :)

Congrats to all those summer school survivors! Lol. I hope you guys are gonna party party party! Don't have too much fun without me. ;)

Well I best be going now.. Har har Andrew, aren't you the funniest guy around town (tagboard).

My list of stuff to get people (email me if I am wrong):
Mitch: polo shirt or wideneck shirt from Abercrombie in medium (no garish colours and no black and grey.. am I good or what??)
Steph: New Era Cap with the Atlanta Braves on the front preferably a trucker style (no adjustable strap.. if it does.. then get any normal New Era Cap.. as long as it looks like an usher. ;))
Kitty: Bath And Body Works: two apple cream lotions and one sanitizer (am I right? I can't remember...)
Viv: A Spongebob Square Pants keychain (just wants to get something from me... though you can get them here... weirdo)

 
Did I get that all right? I hope so...Thanks for the catty call Mitch.. lol... though I was only in the second round of calls made after Vince, Steph and Tania. hmph. And Tania told you to call me! Geez!!! Evilness.
Yay.. I have two plane letters to read tomorrow! Except I read one page of yours, tania.. haha.... 27 pages to go! Well thanks for the letter Kitty I appreciate the thoughtfulness.. I mean, you sacrificed some of your english time just to write me a plane letter! lol. I hope you liked the jar kitty... at least the people who walk past it in the shop like it. :P
Well to all you guys who are in summer school, I hope you do brilliantly well in english (sigh cuz I know we ALL weren't born as English Maestros.. puahaha. I'm kidding). And when I come back, Viv must host another pool party... and everyone has to swim. Lol.

Anyway.. I attended this interior design show at Glendon College and I picked up this 'postcard' from one of the interior designers (she's awesome) and this is her philosophy:

'I believe that personality is more important than a style. That rules are made to be broken if they stand in the way of making you happy. That design comes from the inside out because beauty is a feeling. That in your space, you know what you want.' -Janice Lindsay

I like that. :)
Anyway, now Steph doesn't want the trucker hat.. lol. She wants a pullover with zippers from Abercrombie (red on black.. if not then apple lotion from Bath and Body).. Okay... show me Steph... Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in some shopping time.

Anyway, I hope you guys have fun for the next 20 days since I'll be across North America. Tania, I am wearing my Raptors jersey all the way to LA. AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT I AM RISKING MY LIFE AMONGST ALL THE LAKER FANS!?!? LOL. I know I know.. but purple is supposed to be a serious colour you know that ? Diminishes your appetite for food. :P. Colour theory. Lol.
ANYWAY... EMAIL ME YOU GUYS! I'll try my best to reply back... but I'm sorry if they're short...

 

Ahem. I am blogging cuz... Andrew said so... Andrew's my layout critic (see tagboard for details). *roll of eyes*. Meh, I don't feel like giving any deep insight today.. I am so tired... at 8 something I was sleeping on the couch already.. I think the present is taking its toll on me (pfft, that was just an excuse).
Well well... I am leaving in a day (technically since it's 12:20 am, July 27th!). Lol. Santa is here, tell me what you want from the States. -_-.  I have drawn up a little list already for several pple *cough*. Mitch, Steph, Kitty, Viv.. who else wants something.... tell Santa. lol. I don't really wanna go... cuz it's gonna be psycho... I mean, it's the Wong family.. And I'm one of the younger ones... kind of? Actually I'm in the middle. No one is my age, they're either older than me by a year or a long stretch or younger than me by three years. And I've had bad memories with my cousins... me following my cousin whose following another... ergh.. I don't know... family gatherings with pple I can't communicate with, is kinda... hopeless?

How is it that someone you've known for so long: whose was your spiritual advisor, friend, and church goer buddy, have a non existent relationship with God. Just last summer she was encouraging me to go to the retreat.. then that September, she quit being a Christian... that was less than a month... And it was so sudden and I just found out yesterday... I can't believe it... I guess it's easier for a non-Christian to make the decision to become a Christian.. but for those who are born in one, it's kinda like... you think you've already decided but yet you haven't really said, "yes this is the life I wanna live. I want to accept Christ". you know? Non-christians turned christians make the decision. Christian family born assume they have it all planned out for them. Yet they need to commit themselves.. ergh.. tired.. gonna sleep now.. lol.. wasn't that abrupt. Happy Andrew? yergh..

Honestly, I am not a nice person. I am judgemental, critical and condescending at times. It's not the things I say, but the things I don't.. the thoughts that channel through my head and the opinions that come and go so quick, I can't catch them. Sometimes I don't mean to be, but kinda difficult for someone who likes visually pleasing things..... for someone who wants to be a designer, I always have a habit of giving everyone the 'eye over' (lol. otherwise known as looking at someone from head to toe. The 'lookover'). For example, the 4.5 hour shopping spree I had with my cousin.  I was waiting for her to put on some article of clothing whilst I waited outside of her changing room. A lady comes out in a mini skirt and a soft spaghetti top. First thing I thought was, "Why is she wearing such a short skirt. She's not exactly skinny.  It doesn't flatter her contours very well. If she could, I could but I can't." And after that I was like, "Oh that was mean mean mean... take that back. the top looks nice on her though."
:S. yeah.. she wasn't very skinny. She was rather pear shaped (bottom heavy).
Anyway, and I am nice to friends.. but what good is it to be just nice to those who love you back? And when I am nice to friends, I sometimes have a motive to do some of the things I do.. Something that is self beneficial as well as helping the other person.. yeah.. Sam is not a very nice person. Quite selfish and critical.

Lol. Ever since LOTR came onto the silver screen, the mass of screenwriters have been so inspired by Samwise Gamgee, that they name all their main characters Sam. For example A Cinderalla Story and The First Daughter. :D. Yes, the Lord of the Rings dominion shall begin!! I am kidding.. :P That's why I like my name now! It's in LOTR!~ HAHA... jks

The conversation that took place at Le Chateau today (wow their clothes aren't as skanky as they were several years ago!) between Sam and her cousin, Grace, on their 4.5 hour shopping spree at Markville Mall whilst everyone else was 'slaving' away at summer school:

S: Do you like the skirt?
G: Yeah it looks nice on you.
S: Better than the mauve and pink one? I like the mauve colour though. It's light and muted in tone.
G: I like this one better. It doesn't accentuate your hips. It's more slimming. What do you think?
S: I like this one and the mauve one cuz the mauve is so muted and I like muted tones. But I like the sea green/blue/aqua one too cuz it's so light. But it's expensive. -_-
G: Well which one do you like better?
S: I like the blue one better... but it's a sea green. I learnt that it represents fickleness, indecisiveness, dishonesty and untrustworthiness in Colour Theory class.
G: Omg, no one but you would take colour theory class. No one would know it represents fickleness.
S: Fine. -_-. (thinks: But it's a subconscious thing!)

Lol. Yeah so maybe I was being fickle. The teacher asked us if we ever got up in the morning and had no idea what to wear so we just chose a sea green shirt.  It's supposedly due to indecisiveness. Oh yeah, I bought the skirt. Lol.  I bought it just to prove Kitty wrong that I could buy a skirt without her. No, I'm kidding. :P Yes, Mitch has engrained the 'buy it buy it buy it' chant without her presence being there with me whilst shopping. But I spent quite a lot of money today (I didn't spend the gift certificate.. I wanna give it to this person who I've never met before). :) I mean :(. Or :S. :P. But anyway, I have to go back to Jacob tomorrow and get an XS size instead of the S. The cut is funny on me. But the shirt is a deep chocolate brown.. Yummy.. Reminds me of chocolate. Say, I haven't baked in quite a while.. Brownies... I've forgotten the recipe. Mmm.. maybe I should make them again... argh.. getting hungry... I can just smell the chocolately smell wafting from the warm oven.... *must not think of food....*

STOP. Freeze.  This is YOUR life. Now turn your speakers up. ;)  I mean it, turn your speakers up. You'll make me happy if you listen to this song.  It loops so you can listen to it as many times as you want (cough). It's wonderfully philosophical and when I first heard it, I was like "wow this is a good song. It makes me think about the life I'm leading! Now I shall buy the cd!". Lol. This lovely song which we all love *cough* is dedicated to two wacked out friends of mine (you know you guys are psycho.. I mean you guys took summer school!).  Yup yup, so you guys already know who you are... the two people who are listening to the exact same sermon as me right now. Lol. Kitty and Viv.  This song is dedicated to you guys. Aren't you guys psyched I dedicated a blog song to you? LOL.  Btw, thanks Viv for hosting the song... again. Lol. Yikes, we are all so guilty of regurgitating the most cliched religious sayings in our prayers. Either that or asking God 'Can you give me this, this and that... then I'll do my devos'. :P Ai yah.. after listening to this.. I wanna listen to 'Majesty'. Viv, I am so addicted to that song.. lol. Last night I was listening to it over and over again.
Sometimes I feel as if we don't ask God to do something big in our life. We always ask "Oh God, can you help me to pass this test... can you give me a car? Can you let me make some friends? Can you let us have a good time whilst we're in California?".. and these are such petty things.. He wants us to ask for BIG things. For Him to change our lives. Change our life so dramatically for the good, when we look back, we wouldn't know what hit us. But no, we ask for such small things. But I know that God is looking down on us when we pray and saying "Why are you asking me to help you pass a test? Why are you asking me for such small things? Ask me for big things! I want to do something great in your life. Just ask and you will receive."
Now listening to this sermon, 'Prayer: the Remix', the speaker said our typical prayers usually start with 'Bless me.. bless us.. bless our day.. blah blah'.. but we are already blessed. We just don't see it. We are heirs of Christ! We will inherit this world if we believe in Him. I mean, we're related to the creator of this world! What more could we ask for?

Dum dum dum... So have you listened to the song yet? I think it's amazing. Lol. I am so hyper right now! Sometimes I wonder why God put me into a good family with a steady income, with a nice house and big trees, with my own room and my own spending money rather than an impoverished family in Africa. Why me? What did I do to deserve such wealth? :) Well I am happy and v. grateful. Majesty. Majesty. Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in your hands. Singing, Majesty. Majesty. Forever I am changed by your love. In the presence of your majesty. Majesty. ;)

 

 

"'Some people spend their whole life searching for love and the thing of it is, it's right there, inside of them. If you can find that inside yourself, then you will find the source of your happiness."
"But, Dolly, what happens if I never find that special love, that one true love that every person has a right to know in their lifetime? The love that loves you back?"
"Find the love inside of yourself, and the rest will follow. I promise you this with every inch of my being. I know this much is true, and I've got the scars to prove it." -Night Swimming
 
Personally I find this is one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to 'overcome'.  After finishing the book 'Night Swimming', I thought to myself, "I could do this. I could love myself just as I am and as a result, love others too,".  Well, I decided to skim through some of the newspapers including sports, a special photography section and fashion.  The front cover photo was so nice on the photography contest section! It was a picture of children jumping off this small cliff into the water. It was so happy and carefree.. It was pretty. Well anyway one of the headlines on the fashion section (I love that frizzy hair model picture on the front. It's so funny. Lol) was something about this top model scout coming to the T.O to find a few potential models and I thought, "Wow! Julia should be here and audition cuz I bet she'd get in since she's 5'11", blonde, waif with porcelain skin.". And inside they featured three girls they were sending off to Milan or somewhere, to do a show with Prada. The girl featured in the center was absolutely gorgeous... if she lived in the Renaissance or the Greek period, she'd be the desired model for all the artists who were on a search for the ideal face and figure (yes ancient history had taught me something). And I think that's where my entire self-esteem just about plummeted. I wondered why God put me in this body with these facial features. I know I know... it could've been worse. lol.
 
Anyway, I need a haircut. My hair is frizzed and growing like a bush on top of my head. These days I haven't even bothered thinking of what I wear or brushing my hair or putting anything on my face. Lol.  Sometimes I just wear the same thing for two to three consecutive days if I don't have to see anyone for the week..I'm getting a bit lazy... I need a break before going to the States and having all my relatives compare me with all my other female cousins. *rolls the eyes*. This is how it always goes (in Chinese obviously),
"Is Tammy older than Grace? So Sam is younger than Grace? By how much?"
"Oh, who is the tallest? I think Sam is. Grace is a bit shorter than Tammy. No but Melissa is the tallest.  Where does Michelle go?"
"Oh do you have any boyfriends? Does Tammy still have a boyfriend?"
 
And it goes from things like allergies to the size and proportions of our facial features and waist to pimples and Chinese acne treatments. Sigh. I want to visit an allergist.. but I'm kinda scared of the tests they do.. I don't want bumps on my arms where they marked in pen. I'm allergic to metal.. I think.. well at least I'm getting a lot of itchy rashes along the wrist area cuz I wear bracelets too long.. It happens with necklaces too. What's wrong with me.. ergh.. and Im probably allergic to dust mites... cuz I always get rashes on my face... and I only found that out just two weeks ago! I thought they were pimples all along.. sorry, I didn't know pimples didn't itch, they hurt... geez.. so I don't have acne prone skin.. just extremely sensitive skin. Yeah.. so what if I'm allergic to dogs? :( That wouldn't be good.. my bro is... I'm scared, now I don't wanna know what I'm allergic to. Lol. Oh, I'm allergic to the air in Aldo. Lol. Must be all the chemicals they put on the shoes to keep them clean and resistant to wear. I got a huge rash on my forehead as soon as I went inside. Now I'm not so sure if I'd rather have allergy rashes than pimples cuz you grow out of pimples right? Lol.. I'll have all these allergy rashes till I die.. :P Okay that's my nonsensical, arrogant, self centered thought of today.
 
 

I've finally figured out why the Bible said you have to love yourself before you can love others. Remember Kitty and Viv? How we pondered as to why it was so. I mean, why do you need to have self love to love others? Can't you just love your friends without loving yourself? Aren't they separate?

"'I was seduced," Skip said, "And Jeannie was seduced. We seduced each other because we thought we could give one another what we both so badly wanted. It came out of place of need, of lacking. Not from a place of abundance or, more importantly real love."'

And my brain just made the connection. Just for a fleeting moment I actually understood-something. How can you love someone when it does not come within yourself? We love because we were designed to love and care for others because we need to be loved as well. It's a mutual thing. If two people wanted love and kinship, they'd want the love because they need it. However they both lack in 'self love' (NB. not to be confused with narcissism).. How can you give love when you have none? Loving yourself is the source of your love towards others. I don't know how to explain it.. I can just offer you that quote which basically sums up what I've wanted to say.

* * *
Bible Gateway.com is the best site ever! Lol. They have the Bible in so many languages and translations.. I love finding out the passages in the Message and the NIV.. cuz seriously, there's not a single perfect version of the Bible for one person... I just learnt that there's a version called Contemporary English. Lol. CEV. I am slow. Yeah.. I love 1 Corinthians 13: The Love chapter. Yeah I know it's cliched. It's printed on kitchen recipe pads and little trinkets and cheap plaster sculptures. But I like to use this as a check list... This is how I weigh how 'pure' my love is towards friends, family etc. This is how I do it.. since Paul (the author) just lists what perfect love should be like.. this is my check list and accountability check up. Am I patient with my brother? Am I kind towards my peers? I hope you do the same. Here's the chapter.. it's quite short (relatively)...I had it memorized for a short time.. Lol... It's a good one. This is the NIV version that everyone is familiar with:


1 Corinthians 13


Love

1If I speak in the tongues[1] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[2] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.



I love that chapter. It's very good. Wanna know if your love is true? Just tick off everything from this chapter. :) I love it!
Haha.. and I just came across another verse I've been looking for.. an encouragement to the youth of today:

1 Timothy 4

Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.

Hm.. maybe one day I should compile all my favourite verses and stick them into categories: love, encouragement, when you are sad, when you are lonely, when you feel everything is going downhill.. HEY!! Actually I have this book that has that.. Wow I should do that. I got it at Acquire the Fire (ATF). It was good.. I think this October we should go to ATF! It was amazing.. Imagine the whole Copps Coliseum in Hamilton doing the wave. It was hilarious. Lol. And worshiping together. Sigh. Yeah so in October someone can drive us there.. Viv get your licence! LOL.. make sure we don't get spotted by police or we'll get pulled over (we're not underage! It's just the height! :o I'm kidding! LOL).
Now I'm just talking gibberish so Sam will stop cuz she's quite high on her understanding of life. Life is beautiful. Amen. (okay minus the summer school;))

The pointless, random and extremely ditzy comment of today from a person who wants to take a break from 'deep, philosophical questions and insight':
Why is it so hard to find a skirt that's not too short and not too long. Seriously, I went to Winners today. Correction: two Winners today (I drove to both of them and we survived: me, my cousin and my mother. Wait. I nearly crashed into a car on Yonge cuz I was so busy changing lanes etc that my mom started to scream for me to brake). Yeah so all I wanted was a skirt that flared out (I despise those butt and hip hugging kinds and how do you move in those?) that came above the kneee but nothing like a mini. And they're non existent. Seriously. I tried on at least 15 skirts. All of them are too freaking short. okay fine, perhaps to the typical teenage girl, it's not short at all. It's just fine. I saw several girls wearing those little skirts that just skim the behind. I guess it does look nice on some people (especially if you have slim, long legs) and there were a few that I really liked... but iono.. it's kinda like... would it be something I'd be comfortable wearing.. or would it be something that I'd want to wear as a Christian... I don't know.. I was very tempted to buy a pair of pink shorts (kitty might like them.lol) or a pleated white and butterscotch striped skirt... but I decided to use that money on something else... ;). Something not for myself though.
Anyway, something just triggered my memory of when I was young, I used to think I'd be so pretty and transform from an 'ugly duckling' to some beautiful swan. Lol. Guess I'm kinda disappointed. Must've been because I saw a Seventeen magazine? And I used to think "Oh I can't read those cuz those are for those cool teenage girls who are already 17 (I dislike the magazine now. It's so juvenile and immature). I used to think all those magazines were for the teenage girls from 15 and up. I think I saw it as something sacred and untouchable till a certain age. Lol. Yeah, well whatever... then I shouldn't expect too much in the coming years.

The other day when my mom was telling me about her encounter with the French/Chinese girl who wore Walmart clothes, I asked her about the church program that helps deal with single parent divorced mothers. The mixed girl was one of them. My mom told me that her dad practically kicked the family out after he announced he loved someone else whilst he was on a business trip. So they were homeless practically. They've lived in several countries such as singapore, toronto and los angeles. When they settled down here, they moved from region to region, school to school until they settled down around the Bayview Hill area (around the vicinity). Her mom struggles to pay for the bills and babysitter with her part time job at the hospital. She can't even afford piano lessons for the children. The girl, at the mentoring program my mom's church offers, once confided that she'd 'rather have cancer or to die than to live'. This is coming from a gr 4 kid who is around... 8? Her brother doesn't show emotion. He's 6? Doesn't laugh... sing.. cry.. shout... smile... you can see how hurt these kids are. Not to mention the mother who feels betrayed.
And it makes me so angry to think that grown ups, adults, would do such a thing as to have an affair and break up from their spouse. People just think of themselves whilst in the affair. They don't see the ripple effect it has on others. It affects their children, their family, friends. Not to mention the other person's family, friends etc. And you kinda think "What makes you two people think that it's gonna last? You guys cheated on the pre-existing relationship. What makes you think you can trust the other person? What makes you think this relationship would last?". I feel so sorry for those kids. Seriously, it's not fair they should have to put up with that at such an early age. Families were designed to have a mother and a father present. In the father, a girl can see what kind of qualities they'd seek in a future husband and to be loved by a man (this also lowers the chance of them seeking for the wrong kind of 'love' in their later years). The boy looks up to a father as a role model, how to act as a man. And the same thing with the mother.
Sigh. I wanted to be a mentor there with one of the kids except the youngest mentor is in university. Plus you need to invest a lot of time.. to call, keep track of their progress, hang out with them... and plus I don't even go to that church. Maybe I'll just bake something and tell my mom to give it to them. The French/Chinese girl loves my mom's chocolate cheesecake and they eat it for breakfast. lol. My heart really goes out to them.
This year. Grade 12. I want to help out at Urban Promise or the soup kitchens or sandwich runs. I think I'm more into helping people rather than animals or the environment. Don't get me wrong, everything in this world needs a tweak or two, but I think I'd like to work with people (though initial shyness can be a hurdle that I have to overcome). I'm not really into the racism stuff... more like the homeless, children, broken families etc. Geez but I hate how so many of these programs run exclusively in the downtown area. I'd have to take quite a trip for just a few hours. Sigh. Ah ha. I'll be downtown for university! Yay shorter distance... I am a genius. LOL.

My mom was telling me a story when we were at my uncle's house spreading soil around the garden. She met this little girl who was in Grade 5. Her parents are divorced. Her father is French and her mom is Chinese hence her gorgeous looks (freak, I wanna be mixed). well she's very shy and sensitive, I guess from the breakup and stuff. She was wearing a matching outfit of green with matching coloured shoes. My mom noticed her and came up to her and said, "I like your outfit! It looks very nice on you,". She looked embarrassed and said, "It's from Walmart." According to my mom, she was ashamed that her clothes weren't from the Gap or Jacob Jr. Seeing her shame my mom said, "Oh I didn't know Walmart sold those kind of clothes. They look very nice. Even my daughter buys clothes from Walmart." The little girl looked up and asked,"Your daughter? How old is she?" My mom replied, "Seventeen. She's in Grade 11." Hearing that, the girl looked a little more assured and comfortable about the clothes she was wearing.

Lol. After my mom said I bought clothes from Walmart I quickly reminded her that I PERSONALLY do not purchase clothes from Walmart (well I did last year cuz I was feeling totally cheap and I sometimes don't like going to the mall cuz I feel as if I have to dress better. It's a psychological thing whereas Walmart I can go as a slob and no one would care.). It's my mom who buys me random clothes from Walmart. Like the other day, she bought me this two in one orange shirt. Lol. And the other day camisoles in dark blue, yellow and white. Lol. But I wear them cuz no one can tell the difference between a white $30 Jacob camisole from a $7.99 Walmart camisole. Lol. I don't know, after hearing that story, it felt kinda good in a very non direct way that it cheered someone up because I wore cheap clothing. LOL. That sounds so funny. Lol. A role model I guess? Not really.. just an example I guess. Sigh, I want to go to Winners now. I really wanted to go today but it would've closed by the time I got there. I love Winners! the stuff is relatively cheap and they have the best home stuff! And I love looking at their random notebooks and journals and interior decorations. Lol. WINNERS! I wanna go tomorrow. Lol. I know, I'm a psycho. ;)

It's pretty pathetic that I can't do even stall parking forward without cars next to me. LOL. Oh well. I can do everything else except parking. I had to do ths YD road test after I completed all my lessons save one and I got 45/50 (silly little mistakes except parking). And it's so stupid cuz my teacher made me do parallel parking twice/thrice before and so how does she expect me to know how to do it on the test when we've done so little of it? Seriously I find stuff like left turns and driving on major roads easier than doing slow things like parking (not to mention I was half asleep after a long day at the IAOD). And besides my teacher never takes me to major roads so my mom is kinda pissed. Lol. I just got the practice from my mom forcing me to drive to people's houses and places I need to go to.-_-. Reminds me of good ol' swimming lessons at Jack Buckler again.. sigh. 'Tuesday, the worst day of my life'. Lol.
I can feel the competition in getting to the university with a interior design program. There's nine people in my interior design course and all of us are aiming to get into that career. What I thought was my upperhand came in only as mediocre 'advantage' over the other eight people. Maybe I'm just making this whole competition thing up but the teachers were pretty amazed at how intense we all were in the sample library room picking out samples, carpets and magazine pictures. She commented that we looked as if we were really designing a room for a client. Lol. Some of the students have taken AutoCad (computer program that's tailored for the architects and designers like Photoshop for graphic designers and advertisers) and some have taken interior design courses (but not as in depth as ours. I feel lucky that we're one of the only schools who offer an interior design course). Well whatever, I'm not usually competitive only when I feel as if my place in the class is being 'undermined'. But I really do love interior design so I don't mind doing extra work. I was bugging the teacher so much with two point(facing two walls) perspective rendering cuz I didn't want the one point perspective (facing one wall). Lol. so he had to guess as to how to do it cuz he forgot how (pretty pathetic. He usually does it by eye). Well I was able to muddle my way through eventually.. Lol... Whee...

What a strange thing, to build a castle in the air. We made a friendship out of nothing, because nothing was the heart of what we shared.
P. 48



'Somewhere I Belong'. I wanna heal. I wanna feel what I thought was never real. I wanna let go all the pain I felt so long. I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real. Somewhere I belong.

No, the preceding quote is not what I feel nor am I in such kind of pain that the singer is crying out about. It sounds familiar but not at a personal level. I've never been in such dire pain and anguish before as the singer is talking about. I have a good family, a house, more than a set of clothes, good means of transportations, God at my side wherever I go and good food. I am pretty blessed with that. That's real to me. That's the real life.

A man was walking and he looked up to the sky and said, "God if you're really there show yourself to me,"
So God showed Himself in the form of a rainbow but the man did not see.
Then the man said, "God speak to me!"
A dark cloud rolled in and the thunder roared but the man did not hear.
In despair the man cried out, "God! Show me a miracle!"
And somewhere close by, a baby was born. But the man did not realize.
Then the man said, "God if you're there, touch me,"
God touched him but the man just brushed the butterfly off his cheek and sadly walked on.

* * *

Blech this life is so empty. Have you realized how empty this life is. Our world revolves around materialism and wanting more.
"I'd be happy if I had the new Acura TSX 2005" (or whatever it's called).
"My life would be perfect if I looked like a Carmen Kass or a Gisele,"
"My life would be complete if I had a boyfriend."
"I want the new clothes that are featured in the latest magazine. Oh, I want a subscription too. Not to mention the latest Mac Lipgloss."
"I want to update my hairstyle. I wanna get it washed,cut, dyed red, highlighted in bronze and permed into waves."

Okay okay, I am so guilty of at least two of those things I just mentioned. It is so difficult to be completely satisfied just with what you have and not anything more. Oh BibleGateway.com is my hero. I found a super good verse (the message version [MSG]):

Luke 12:14
Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" 15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

Why upgrade things when as soon as you purchase it, it becomes old and a new one comes out? I was listening to the radio today and there was this Bay commercial for summer furniture and it went like this at the end, "So it's out with the new and in with the latest." And I was thinking wow, this is how much our culture wants to be at the top with the trendiest of things. It's so pointless in getting a top new model car when it's gonna just depreciate in value. And the pale pink high shine lipgloss is done with as soon as the fire engine red matte lipstick comes into stores.
"we're going going gone."

To my Sisters in Christ,

I just felt like writing this to all those who have crossed my path in life so far. Those who have touched my life throughout our time in Unionville High School together. Some of you, well the most of you, I've only had the privilege of knowing you for one or two years. And for a couple of you, three years going onto four.
High school is quickly going isn't it? Soon we'll find ourselves with packed bags in the small, cramped (not to mention ugly) quarters of our dorm room: stranger to all but ourselves. We'll have to adjust to campus life, odd schedules; not to mention cooking and cleaning on our own (oh the joys of killing spiders in the dingy bathrooms ;)). This is the time where self motivation and reliance comes into play, where we truly mature into 'adults' (shudder) and make lifelong friends unlike the ones we have now. The sad reality of things is that we probably will not keep in touch (or very little) and begin to build other friendships in the university of our dreams (I know all of you will get into a university you want). So here's my words of advice and the wishes I have for you(okay. not my own, but ones that I've read cuz I'm not smart enough to make my own 'words of wisdom'. :P). As 'motherly' as it may sound like, but this is from me to you, spoken as a friend. Perhaps you'll just forget this after you read/heard from sermons (or skim/glance) this but you never know what you may pick up. As you know because of my faith, I've included some 'Christiany' references and such but it's also just words of advice which not need to be solely used in a Christian lifestyle but also in a pagan/secular one as well.



I hope you choose the right university and the career 'of your dreams'

-Your path is already laid out for you. God is waiting to unreveal it to you. He is eager for you to follow His way so that He can give you the best and form you into who He wants you to be.

Proverbs 4:
"11 I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
12 When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble."

Acts 2:
"27because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
28You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence"


-If you get rejected by a university, chill (I know, easy to say cuz if I don't get into Ryerson.. yergh!). Perhaps God did not intend for you to go to that university.

Romans 12:
"1So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him."

I hope you build up lifelong friendships that will withstand through turmoils, tribulations and trials.

-Don't despair that our high school friendships are fading. You'll make even better lasting relationships in university. Those are the friends who you grow old with.

-If you still in the future, have several friends from high school, you are the luckiest person in the world (okay, it's not luck but whatever)

-Remember God is your first and foremost friend. Build a strong relationship with Him now so that you will not feel lonely when you start adjusting to university life. You will need to keep your relationship strong in Him so that you will not dwindle because you can easily stray from Him.

-Be there for your friends, no matter what stage they are in in life.

Romans 12:
"15Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down."

-If you end up dating in university, remember your friends need to spend time with you just as much you spend time with your boyfriend. Do not lose friends over a boyfriend.

-For those people you have trouble loving, those who are not good to you, who always make you second priority, who hurt you, or those who you consider enemies, try to find the good aspects in them. Be kind to them so you let Christ shine through you. I mean, loving friends is easy. Loving enemies is harder. Don't settle for anything less. You never know, you may earn a friend from someone you disliked.

Romans 12
9Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. 10Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.
17Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone.

-Be a friend to everyone. Even those people who seem small and unimportant.

Romans 12:
16Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody."

I hope you choose a boyfriend/husband who meets your standards, treats you like a princess and loves you for who you are. No less, no more.

-Before you get a boyfriend, love yourself for who you are. I can't stress that enough. If you think a boyfriend can fill the void you feel inside of you, he can't. It will just amount to more pressure on him to fulfill your pining for a relationship. You must love yourself before loving others.

-Are you ready? Are you spiritually, mentally, physically mature enough to start a relationship?

-Set your standards. Your potential guy... can he cook? Would he be a good father? Christian? God fearing? Loving? Respectful to you and others? Gets along with your friends? Do not lower your standards. EVER. No matter how cute the guy is.

-Find 'The One' as if you're getting married.. that's why you date right? To get married? If not... then why risk getting your heartbroken?

-Personally, I don't think dating several guys to find 'the right one' or what you prefer, really helps.. I mean how would you know if you found 'him'? No one is perfect. Bachelor #1 may make you laugh but Bachelor #2 can cook the yummiest gourmet dishes. Everyone has their own strengths and shortcomings. You'll keep swapping boyfriends, discovering each of them has his own faults.

-Save sex for marriage. As conservative and 'so last generation' that may sound like, it really is better. If your guy loves you, he'll respect you for your decision. Hey, he should treat you like a princess. On your wedding day, you wanna turn to your husband to be and say "I waited for you. I saved myself just for you.". I kinda view it as a present. It can only be given once. If you give it to someone you broke up with and you later on married some other dude, would you wanna give him an unwrapped present? No, you wanna give him your all.
Obviously no one intends to have premarital sex whilst on a date. So set your standards beforehand with your boyfriend to avoid those kind of sticky situations. A kiss can lead to other things and eventually things that you may not have wanted to happen.

-Pray for your future spouse.

I hope you live a happy, fulfilling, promising and purpose driven life with no regrets.

-Happiness is not found in a lottery ticket. You are 1600 times more likely to get killed in a car accident than winning the first prize lottery. It is not found in cars, money, clothes.

-Be content with what you already have and not what you don't have. We all want more but are we ever satisfied? Do you live in a house? Do you have a family? Do you have more than one set of clothes? A means of transportation? I suppose you all do, then did you know you are blessed to be categorized in the 5% of the world's wealthiest people?
Suggestion: When you find yourself complaining, start counting your blessings and the things you already have.

-Don't sweat the small stuff. Because most things are.
Did you know the things an average person worries are usually non existent? 40% of them are. Only 8% are real worries. Btw, I am not pulling these out of my head, these are real statistics that I heard from our sermon today called 'The Secrets to a Happy Life: Part one'.

Matthew 6: The famous 'worry' chapter. Read it. It's really good. (MSG)

"27"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? 28All this time and money wasted on fashion--do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, 29but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best--dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? 31What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. 32People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. 33Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Suggestion: stop your mental snowball from getting too big.

Philippians 4:
11..for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little.12 I know how til live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need."

Haha. That might seem like a ton of stuff but that's okay. I just want you guys to live a life that is purposeful and happy. Love with all your heart, to the core of your being. Do not compromise your beliefs for others. Do not sacrifice everything for someone. Surround yourself with people who will only lift you higher. Love yourself for who you are. If there is something you do not like about yourself, try to change it, improve upon it. Radiate these things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. If you profess that the Holy Spirit lives within you, and if it truly does, the 'Fruits of the Spirit' should be the by-products. Remember, stay true to yourself and love love love.

Sincerely from your Sis in Christ,
Sam (sexy sam Spaghetti and Meatballs or whatever you choose to call me now. -_-)

Turn your speakers up! Thank you viv!! You're a star!lol. I love this song. And yes you are right. It is called 'Spoken For'. I love this song. People!! LOL. It's such a beautiful melody. And credit goes to viv for hosting it. Aw, I'm so glad I met you in math. I mean this blog wouldn't be the blog it is today without your help. Don't you think so? Yeah aren't we cool? We have the same pic on our msn!! I think it's so pretty! What a good photographer Lois is. HAHA...
Went to play tennis today.. whoohoo.. am so bad at it but at least my wrist is getting stronger cuz I wasn't mad shaking this time after playing. But everytime I hit a backhand, the muscle near the armpit really hurts. I think I shoulda stretched a bit more before playing.. la dee da. Yes. I am on my way to stronger wrist control. I have the arm muscles from swimming. Puahaha. What a joke.
I have such a weird family. Seriously. Weirdest family ever.

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be.

But everything inside you
Knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words.


Viv thanks for letting us host such a last minute party at your house! It was loads of fun. And super pics you took. Too bad you don't have one of Eeyore in the water. -_-. HAHA.. That was brilliant Viv. Oh oh.. why aren't you online.. You were right. The song by MercyMe is called 'Spoken For'. Sorry, my fault. :P. I love your music list. It's awesome. You've got almost every single song that I'd want. Okay. Send them to me! :).Listen to Switchfoot. Very good. :). That's the only thing you're missing in your music list.
I'll give you a list that I want. Thank you Viv.. :D. And your pool rocks (minus the couple who were kissing next door.. LOL. My virgin eyes!!). So when can we drop by for a dip?
highlights of Canada Day party (so that I don't forget a single bit of it)

-playing pictionary by the pool
-dropping the paper into the water -_-
-sunbathing on the lounge chairs (Tania falling off a collapsed one)
-Vivian dropping Eeyore into the pool
-our devious plans to see whether or not different objects would float in the pool water
-Sean Astin as a stupid, lisp talking brother in 50 First Dates. -_-. yech. har har Mitch.
-our quest (the fellowship of nine of course) to find a spot to watch fireworks
-moon and star gazing
-'samsky'. Spaghetti And Meatballs.. Spinach sam? Kitty and her silly nicknames.
-making plans to push people into the water (which obviously failed)
-truth or dare
-Lois's lovely planned out schedules and her future husband
-Lois singing Nickelback constantly
-DDR (Kitty trying to get a Super Super and promising people that she wouldn't fail them.. puaha)
-Taking the most random pictures
-Accidentally interrupting an intimate moment over at the neighbours pool. :S
-Steph getting Tania a mango juice and a passion fruit tea for herself and nothing for me!! (haha I know I know)
-listening to viv's wide variety of music
-Lois staying up till 3:30am. WOW!!!
-Lois being a nerd by reading the Macleans University Guide.
-Viv and Janet watching their chinese show, while the rest of us were watching 50 First Dates.
-Kitty freaking out at the bugs and trying to kill them. LOL.
-Oh yeah. How could I forget. Me yelling out 'I am the king of the world!' twice out the window.
-Viv attempting to take photos of the fireworks (always a bit slow.. just a bit... puhahaha)
-Mitch losing her keys. :P. Alice the saviour!
-Alice ditching us.. making only all the AY people going to sleepover and all the Unionville people going back to their familiar beds.


Did I miss any?

when mom says "Let me think about it", it really means "I'll just put it off till later until you ask me again. Then I will make my decision." -_-

Anyway, it's funny how the Toronto Star loves to use Chicago as its primary role model as to how Toronto should be modified and changed so that it'd become a 'world class city'. But Chicago has been transformed and beautified so much. It used to be really ugly and polluted but they were blessed with this amazing mayor who really had vision and managed to transform it into something ten million times better. The architecture is truly a piece of art. The John Hancock building for instance. A super tall high rise so tall that you can see the other states when you stand at the top of it. Flower beds line all the wide wide sidewalks and trees provide natural shade in the summer heat. Trams are provided to give tired shoppers a lift to the next Marshall Fields (I love that department store). The waterfront. The world's largest water fountain is situated there. Garbage cans are placed so close together on the boardwalk to prevent people from throwing trash on the ground. Its Museums for earth and science, art galleries, and observatories are all scattered among the lakeside shores. Chicago hosts festivals international food fares and jazz concerts. The Navy Pier holds a small amusement park for kids so that adults can catch a sight of the panoramic view of the lakeshore.
One Toronto Star reporter was commenting on how disorganized Toronto was. He said you could tell by looking at our newspaper boxes. We have several newspaper boxes for each newspaper whereas Chicago has organized it so that there's one for several newspapers to avoid messiness.
And did you know Toronto is modelling their subways after Hong Kong's? Isn't that pretty cool? Lol. Cuz I love the subways in HK. They're less noisy and more organized and I can actually hear what station is next.
I believe there's lots of potential in beautifying Toronto but unless someone decides to act upon rather than just make proposals and complain about how little money we have in our funds, we're not gonna get anywhere. And I'd love to see the city of Toronto rise to the rankings of Hong Kong and Chicago.