"'Some people spend their whole life searching for love and the thing of it is, it's right there, inside of them. If you can find that inside yourself, then you will find the source of your happiness."
"But, Dolly, what happens if I never find that special love, that one true love that every person has a right to know in their lifetime? The love that loves you back?"
"Find the love inside of yourself, and the rest will follow. I promise you this with every inch of my being. I know this much is true, and I've got the scars to prove it." -Night Swimming
Personally I find this is one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to 'overcome'. After finishing the book 'Night Swimming', I thought to myself, "I could do this. I could love myself just as I am and as a result, love others too,". Well, I decided to skim through some of the newspapers including sports, a special photography section and fashion. The front cover photo was so nice on the photography contest section! It was a picture of children jumping off this small cliff into the water. It was so happy and carefree.. It was pretty. Well anyway one of the headlines on the fashion section (I love that frizzy hair model picture on the front. It's so funny. Lol) was something about this top model scout coming to the T.O to find a few potential models and I thought, "Wow! Julia should be here and audition cuz I bet she'd get in since she's 5'11", blonde, waif with porcelain skin.". And inside they featured three girls they were sending off to Milan or somewhere, to do a show with Prada. The girl featured in the center was absolutely gorgeous... if she lived in the Renaissance or the Greek period, she'd be the desired model for all the artists who were on a search for the ideal face and figure (yes ancient history had taught me something). And I think that's where my entire self-esteem just about plummeted. I wondered why God put me in this body with these facial features. I know I know... it could've been worse. lol.
Anyway, I need a haircut. My hair is frizzed and growing like a bush on top of my head. These days I haven't even bothered thinking of what I wear or brushing my hair or putting anything on my face. Lol. Sometimes I just wear the same thing for two to three consecutive days if I don't have to see anyone for the week..I'm getting a bit lazy... I need a break before going to the States and having all my relatives compare me with all my other female cousins. *rolls the eyes*. This is how it always goes (in Chinese obviously),
"Is Tammy older than Grace? So Sam is younger than Grace? By how much?"
"Oh, who is the tallest? I think Sam is. Grace is a bit shorter than Tammy. No but Melissa is the tallest. Where does Michelle go?"
"Oh do you have any boyfriends? Does Tammy still have a boyfriend?"
And it goes from things like allergies to the size and proportions of our facial features and waist to pimples and Chinese acne treatments. Sigh. I want to visit an allergist.. but I'm kinda scared of the tests they do.. I don't want bumps on my arms where they marked in pen. I'm allergic to metal.. I think.. well at least I'm getting a lot of itchy rashes along the wrist area cuz I wear bracelets too long.. It happens with necklaces too. What's wrong with me.. ergh.. and Im probably allergic to dust mites... cuz I always get rashes on my face... and I only found that out just two weeks ago! I thought they were pimples all along.. sorry, I didn't know pimples didn't itch, they hurt... geez.. so I don't have acne prone skin.. just extremely sensitive skin. Yeah.. so what if I'm allergic to dogs? :( That wouldn't be good.. my bro is... I'm scared, now I don't wanna know what I'm allergic to. Lol. Oh, I'm allergic to the air in Aldo. Lol. Must be all the chemicals they put on the shoes to keep them clean and resistant to wear. I got a huge rash on my forehead as soon as I went inside. Now I'm not so sure if I'd rather have allergy rashes than pimples cuz you grow out of pimples right? Lol.. I'll have all these allergy rashes till I die.. :P Okay that's my nonsensical, arrogant, self centered thought of today.
"But, Dolly, what happens if I never find that special love, that one true love that every person has a right to know in their lifetime? The love that loves you back?"
"Find the love inside of yourself, and the rest will follow. I promise you this with every inch of my being. I know this much is true, and I've got the scars to prove it." -Night Swimming
Personally I find this is one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to 'overcome'. After finishing the book 'Night Swimming', I thought to myself, "I could do this. I could love myself just as I am and as a result, love others too,". Well, I decided to skim through some of the newspapers including sports, a special photography section and fashion. The front cover photo was so nice on the photography contest section! It was a picture of children jumping off this small cliff into the water. It was so happy and carefree.. It was pretty. Well anyway one of the headlines on the fashion section (I love that frizzy hair model picture on the front. It's so funny. Lol) was something about this top model scout coming to the T.O to find a few potential models and I thought, "Wow! Julia should be here and audition cuz I bet she'd get in since she's 5'11", blonde, waif with porcelain skin.". And inside they featured three girls they were sending off to Milan or somewhere, to do a show with Prada. The girl featured in the center was absolutely gorgeous... if she lived in the Renaissance or the Greek period, she'd be the desired model for all the artists who were on a search for the ideal face and figure (yes ancient history had taught me something). And I think that's where my entire self-esteem just about plummeted. I wondered why God put me in this body with these facial features. I know I know... it could've been worse. lol.
Anyway, I need a haircut. My hair is frizzed and growing like a bush on top of my head. These days I haven't even bothered thinking of what I wear or brushing my hair or putting anything on my face. Lol. Sometimes I just wear the same thing for two to three consecutive days if I don't have to see anyone for the week..I'm getting a bit lazy... I need a break before going to the States and having all my relatives compare me with all my other female cousins. *rolls the eyes*. This is how it always goes (in Chinese obviously),
"Is Tammy older than Grace? So Sam is younger than Grace? By how much?"
"Oh, who is the tallest? I think Sam is. Grace is a bit shorter than Tammy. No but Melissa is the tallest. Where does Michelle go?"
"Oh do you have any boyfriends? Does Tammy still have a boyfriend?"
And it goes from things like allergies to the size and proportions of our facial features and waist to pimples and Chinese acne treatments. Sigh. I want to visit an allergist.. but I'm kinda scared of the tests they do.. I don't want bumps on my arms where they marked in pen. I'm allergic to metal.. I think.. well at least I'm getting a lot of itchy rashes along the wrist area cuz I wear bracelets too long.. It happens with necklaces too. What's wrong with me.. ergh.. and Im probably allergic to dust mites... cuz I always get rashes on my face... and I only found that out just two weeks ago! I thought they were pimples all along.. sorry, I didn't know pimples didn't itch, they hurt... geez.. so I don't have acne prone skin.. just extremely sensitive skin. Yeah.. so what if I'm allergic to dogs? :( That wouldn't be good.. my bro is... I'm scared, now I don't wanna know what I'm allergic to. Lol. Oh, I'm allergic to the air in Aldo. Lol. Must be all the chemicals they put on the shoes to keep them clean and resistant to wear. I got a huge rash on my forehead as soon as I went inside. Now I'm not so sure if I'd rather have allergy rashes than pimples cuz you grow out of pimples right? Lol.. I'll have all these allergy rashes till I die.. :P Okay that's my nonsensical, arrogant, self centered thought of today.
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