Philosophy Attempt: #1

Okay so I opened up my philosophy book which is called 'Ways of Worldmaking' by Nelson Goodman and took a deep breath. Here. Goes. Nothing:
This book does not run a straight course from beginning to end.
-_-
It hunts; and in the hunting, it sometimes worries the same raccoon in different trees, or different raccoons in the same tree, or even what turns out to be no raccoon in any tree.
What the frick. And this was just in the first two sentences of the preface. Crap. No offense but I feel like he's just try to string a few random words together to confuse people and pawn it off as 'philosophy'.
Ugh so I read it. It was basically about truth, relativism and our own perceptions through constructing worlds. For example science is based on a few observations and generalized into grand theory.
Anyway, I'm very impressed with Chris Bosh's shot from the opposing three pointer line against the Wizards tonight. HAHA. That's for you Tania... and I guess Andrew? :P

So I'm really scared for my Fashion Draping class. It's a totally different concept from what I'm used to. Basically your drape your practice fabric onto the mannequin to find the fit of your garment and then you transfer it onto pattern paper which is then placed onto the real fabric to create the garment. CRAP. And it's so hard because he's going so fast. :( Unfortunately despite generalization of art kids, we DO have to buy textbooks. Perhaps not biology or physics textbooks but I have spent a small fortune on textbooks alone not to mention art supplies. A book on how to draw the fashion figure (as if I really need it.. oh yeah.. humility check :S) cost me a freaking $70 despite a $5 coupon and no tax.
So I got a green light with my parents and Japan. :)

Wonderful Opportunities // Humility

Sorry for all the fashion posts but with New York Fashion Week approaching Feb 2-9, I can't help it. I just found this piece which made my... heart swell. lol. Well it skipped a beat:

Just Cause

The Limited Edition project gives fashion types the opportunity to pay more than lip service to growing concerns about global warming. In the mix at the fashion week trade show are limited-run collections by Marc Jacobs, Missoni, Libertine, and others—10 percent of the proceeds of which will benefit Al Gore's Climate Project. For those who really want to put their money where their mouth is, 100 percent of the proceeds from T-shirts produced by Buddhist Punk from designs by the likes of Kate Moss and Jade Jagger go to the charity.

HAHA. I'm going dellusional. I was checking style.com and found this. I want to pay more than lip service but unfortunately as long as eco fashion remains on the $300 price range, I'll have to stick to secondhand clothes shopping. I've worn my Yves Saint Laurent belt so many times that the gold lettering is coming off. :(

Oh wait I just found another humanitarian post:

We Are the World

What better way to close fashion week than with an act of kindness? Malcolm Harris of Mal Sirrah and Lydia Hearst will co-host a show, Designers for Darfur, featuring looks in a palette of red, yellow, green, and black—the symbolic colors of Africa—by Zac Posen and Ralph Rucci, among others. A celebrity contingent, rumored to include George Clooney, is expected. And post-show, the clothes will be auctioned online with all proceeds going to the Save Darfur Coalition.

And of course there is yet ANOTHER Parsons grad showing at Fashion Week. Sigh. So many Parsons students... so many opportunities.

---------------------------------------------------

Yes my dear friends and fellow readers, Year 2007 has unfolded many different opportunities for me. And we have not even left the month of January yet and I have so many things to plan until the end of this year! God has presented me with a whole range of possibilites and boy, are they possibilities! I'm one of those people who are afraid of doing things because of the fear of uncertainty yet I do them because I'm afraid I'll regret it in the future. Hence why I'm here rather than at Ryerson. I'll never regret going to Parsons but if I went to Ryerson I will for sure wonder "what if."

So this year... I can live/visit five different countries this year (including New York and Toronto). I just got an email that our Integrated Design department is offering a course in Japan for two weeks during the month of June. I was initially thinking of taking Mandarin at a university back home but this is a pretty tempting offer too since it only requires two weeks of my time for two credits- and I am missing two credits. They're going to Tokyo, Kyoto (drool) and Kanazawa (which I found out from Joseph that Roy lived there). I don't have the details yet but we'd be collaborating with another design school there and just soaking up the unique culture there. The reason why I want to go is because I love Japan (who doesn't) and it also allows me to knock off two credits and the mandatory project course we have to do in third year. The reason why I want to knock the mandatory project course is that if I go to Paris for my fall semester, I want to take 'Ecotopian Design as a Competitive Advantage' in my spring semester. And if I go to Paris, that would require me to catch up with the mandatory IDC courses back in NY which may hinder me from taking the eco course if my timetable conflicts. The reason why I want to go to Paris is that I want to be able to gain a different kind of education- beyond the American perspective. My cousin once told me that she regretted not having gone abroad during her school years because when work starts, there isn't that luxury of traveling. She convinced me. And I can practice my super rusty French.

On top of that, my parents are thinking of going to Hong Kong for Christmas. I love Hong Kong. I miss it so much.

Wow, becoming some world traveler eh? So in 2007 I COULD be in Paris, Japan, New York, Toronto and Hong Kong. That is freaking insane.

So God has presented these opportunities to me yet there are many obstacles into getting there. Firstly is my apartment. The landlord company has already sent us another lease form if we want to resign it for the following year. If we don't, we get kicked out by April 30. Not good considering school ends May 14 (after my b day). So I have to pray that God will provide tenants who are willing to sublet it for seven months (including summer). If I go to Japan I may stay here until I fly since we have to meet up here in NY to fly to Japan... However the downside is that I've calculated this dinky two week course would cost at least $5600... dude that's the cost of all seven courses that I'm taking this semester. Why is it so expensive? :(

And beyond that I have to say... PRAISE GOD! I was in class today checking my email and I saw an email which made me skip a beat. Some designer (pretty much unknown in my books) needs volunteers/dressers for their show next Tuesday.. and they need them for 7:30am for their 9am show.. and my class doesn't start until 12pm! Last week I prayed that if He was willing, He'd provide me with a position that would fit into my schedule. You know why this means so much to me? Because if I get this on my resume, this will open up a lot of doors for me. Next time I can apply for famous designers and try helping out there. Anyway I'm still not sure if I got the volunteering job 100% yet but I'll just write it down anyway because I can't believe it fit so perfectly into my school schedule. Actually I haven't told anyone since I'm a little uncertain... just this blog. :) God is good.

Humility Within the Artist & the Competitive Drive

I'm very positive about this semester. I am already in love with my Fashion Industry: Design course because my teacher is amazing. She is THE ONE teacher I have to get to know and must do well in that class because she has worked with everyone and has connections. The fashion industry is really about relationships and connections. That's how 65% of people get jobs in this world. Interesting tidbit I learned today about the couture process: it takes 16 fittings to complete the final piece. Amazing. She's even the coordinator of Zac Posen's show this coming Friday. I am going to die.

Anyway we started life drawing in that class and I'm in limbo. There are basically two groups of people in this class: those who have drawn before and those who have never ever drawn a model in their entire life (which amazes me). She loves her advanced students whom she has taught before and always exempts them and gives them seperate assignments. For example this week, the people who have never drawn are to find ten swimsuit cladded models and draw them. The advanced people have to draw six models using marker and can create unique sleeves and collars/necklines for them. Er... the problem is is that I have done... three years of life drawing (nude though.. we draw them in tight fitting clothes here) yet I've never done marker in figure drawing. I've done marker in interior design which differs in technique. So I'm in a loop: I can draw but haven't had any formal fashion drawing training. When I went up to her after class she said "Oh you're one of them. One of those in middle ground." Yep. So my teacher ends up lumping me with the 'normal students' so I basically have to draw ten figures in pencil.

So what does this have to do with humility? Well I know I'm pretty good at life drawing. Coming from Unionville High School's Arts York Visual program as given me a strong ability to draw the human body which has been an asset for me within a school of design students (meaning they can't draw the body). Hence I get a little smug and over confident at times. So today at the beginning of class I prayed that God would give me a spirit of humility- an open mind to learn and to only focus on my work without comparing with others. However I got a little annoyed that she kept giving references to her 'advanced students' and always mentioning them. The only thing that stands between them and me is that I've never had marker training in fashion figure drawing. If you gave me a book, I could just learn from there. Humility is hard when you know your strengths lies in the very thing so many people are struggling with. Personally I find it hard to not compare myself with others when I really want to excel in a course. I'm not openly competitive but my mind gets totally absorbed into doing well in that class. For example my Gr 12 English class I became so bitter for not doing as well as other students, the course consumed me. I loved it as much as I hated it. I knew I was good in English in both expression and ideas and with all my friends who I don't have class with since they are all science and math people, English was my time to shine. I would PROVE to these people that I could be better than them. If I can't do Calculus, I'll do well in English. And I prided myself in creating flawless presentations where I tirelessly extrapolated symbolic meaning from existential novels. If I knew then what I know today, it would have been different. Today I reminded myself to:

1) Focus on my own work

2) Rely on God

I do respect my teacher though- she told us today that she pushes us so that we can reach professional level. And I admire her for that because that's why I chose Parsons in the first place. You know I didn't understand the depth of literature, the power of language and the way of creating good presentations until gr11 English with Mr. Silver whom everyone hated because he'd interrupt people during their presentations and put them down. The averages tended to hover around the 60's- UHS is KNOWN for having the hardest English teachers. While most people disliked him, I have much to thank him for. He showed us example essays of how to weave in analogies and symbolism into personal essays and how to annotate books such as James Joyce's 'Dubliners' which is chockful of symbolism and metaphors from the very first sentence until the end. I don't think I'd be the 'writer' (on a blogger level that is) I am today if not for him. When I received a 90% on my personal essay I was literally floating for a week. I went bezerk. I had examined one of his example essays and took in the ways he said it had fallen short, and applied it to my own writings. As for presentations I had to force myself to create and organize them well so that he wouldn't interrupt me because I didn't want to hear him chide me in front of the entire class.

Kafka & Foucault, Stark Beauty

www.edun.ie

A lot of my first assignments for the past week were very artsy, 'emo' and feely' projects. For one I had to write my feelings and experience both physically and mentally when I was holding a video camera (really dumb) and the other was to listen to a piece of music and create a narrative that would suit a ballet. Fine, so I picked a piece by Stravinsky: a violin concerto. It started off with a dissonant chord or two and slowly gave way to this slow and lyrical cantilena. Yes I like sad, slow songs. Anyway the only thing I could picture in my head for this narrative was of me playing the song so I had to make something up. And you know it sounds really silly to have to present a story to class. Well my narrative was about an artist (the solo violin who sings the melody) who one day woke up and realized that his hand had become crippled and that he could no longer use it. So throughout the concerto he tries to gain control over his hand- a tool which used to be his form of expression. The entire piece was about the internal vs external struggle between the body and the mind; and in the end he must accept his present state. So my teacher asked me where I got this idea from. The first thing I said was 'Kafka' and he looked somewhat surprised and said why. Crap. My reason was that I had read his short story 'Metamorphosis' during my Body course last semester and was 'inspired' by the man who wakes up one day and finds himself transformed into a hideous, giant bug. Just like how Stravinsky's piece was quite abstract (he purposely wrote it so you could not really write a narrative to it), I wanted my story to be somewhat.... conceptual as opposed to the typical hero's tale. I think he was slightly amused by my reference to Kafka. I can't believe I even said Kafka in the first place. Although the Body course was my lowest mark, I really enjoyed some of the readings and lectures especially the one on Michel Foucault's Discipline and Punishment, specifically on the Panopticon. I think I related the Panopticon to three of my essays the past semester as well as used it for my exam question in another design course (just so happened we had to read about the Panopticon for that class too). Anyway another girl choose Tchaikovsky's serenade and said her narrative was about a girl who fell asleep and dreamed she was in the future.... except the piece did not suit that dream like state so I basically was trying to tell her that the serenade starts off dramatic and builds even more intensely which is sustained throughout the piece... I felt a little smart because I played that piece in orchestra during high school. Haha... I guess music is coming in handy now. :)

In Fashion Design: Marketing I learnt that a garment is vintage when it is at least 20 years old and is considered an antique when it's 50 years old.... which means my prom dress which dates back to the 50's is an antique??? LOL. We learned about the different target age groups that people cater to. It was interesting.

Mmm.. did you love it or curse it? Such stark wonderous beauty. I took many pictures of the snow when it first fell during the last two weeks I was home (I tried to shovel wet snow... I was very sore the next day). The most awesome thing about the work of God is that no matter how terrible it is for humankind be it a tsunami or a tornado of sorts, it still evokes a sense of a terrible and great beauty. Terrible and great because it is uncontrollable and reminds us that we are so finite and He is so big. You can't help but admire the power of a tornado. You can't help but stand in awe as you look outside after a huge snowstorm. Despite all the horrors that such natural disasters cause... such great and terrible beauty.

I remember a question arising within the girls cell group the Friday before the last: "Do you like nature?" It initially struck to me as a very odd- even awkward- question to ask because of its breadth. It was concluded that everyone loved nature but only at a distance. So I commented that we now only enjoy nature when we have a window in front of us where we can just merely observe without participating or being immersed in it. Everyone agreed. And yet this is also the biggest reason why our world is spiraling downward. Because we live in seperate brick houses and drive around in these metal cars to transport us everywhere, we lose that physical connection to the outside world around us. That world that God gave us to enjoy, we took and used our God given hands to create our own makeshift worlds of artifice. I remember when I first went camping which was with RHCBC back when Bethel still hosted its end of summer camp retreat. The first time I went was not the greatest experience in terms of hygiene (haha we are not going into that) but the thing I remember the most were not the outhouses or the yellow-tinted water, but that one night of worship on the beach where Derek played the guitar and we just all sat around the campfire and sang was what I remembered the best. And I guess that's why we don't really feel the need to fight global warming or recycle... because we've lost that connection to the earth. Because we live in our own capsules, we blot out and forget that these issues have gone on beyond our eye and beyond our own perception of the earth's state. Which is also why I think Pastor Francis has to talk about the environment in one of his sermons (I don't think many people would listen to me since I'm not very... theologically based as I am self opinionated) because we are in dire need of understanding of how Christianity ties in with the environment and how it is a necessity for us to be good stewards of this world.

I must say I'm tempted to go abroad so I can say that "I've lived in four major cities of the world: Toronto, Hong Kong, New York and Paris." How lame is that- I want to live there so I can say I've been there and done that. :P

Falling in Love With You

I had to take pictures of the window displays for an assignment.. I love love this picture I took of the Burberry display. If you click on it and blow it up it looks a little like I photoshopped it or something (which I did not)

1)I remember singing those worship songs with lyrics that read 'I'm so in love with you' or reading Christian text that says we should fall in love with Christ more and more each day. I found it a little odd to say that I fell in love with God. It just seemed so... weird. This relationship was quite unlike those I had. How can you fall in love with someone who wasn't tangible and couldn't speak to you like a human could? It's a cliche saying to say that you love God but it's harder to follow through.
2)People said that if you were truly a Christian, you would not remain stagnant- you'd grow in your relationship with God. At the time I had no idea if my relationship was 'blossoming' or not. All I knew was that I just wanted it to.
3)When I was just a little girl, I used to imagine if Aladdin's magic genie came to me and granted me three wishes, my first and foremost wish would be to know if I was assured a spot in heaven. I was pretty darn afraid of going to hell.
All these things came upon me today while we were worshiping at church (the electric guitar was so beautiful.....). The concept of falling in love with God just seemed to reappear while we were singing. And I guess God revealed Himself to me at that point. I can't really describe it in words- I just knew at that point I truly did love God and wanted what He wants.
Andrew, if it makes you feel good, after that conversation we had about know=love, it's stuck with me (just like that post about understanding things at different times). Yet if knowing is loving.... I'm not sure how it works in this internet, blog world of ours.
My favourite chapter in the Bible is Romans 12.
Sigh, I miss Urbana because of the small groups. I really really miss being able to confide in a small group of Christians and sharing experiences. I felt like I could spill out my guts and they would understand and accept all that I was and am.
After reading Robyn's blog the other day, I realized that I too have learned something about God's sovereignty. I have learned to accept the things of today without questioning His Will. I know it sounds so stupid but after last week's hoping of getting some volunteer job at Fashion Week, I've felt at peace with everything. In the past I used to question why no one would email me back asking for my help. Was my resume inadequate? Am I not good enough to help out? Were the other chosen candidates prettier (yeah okay this one is a little stupid but for some reason it always crosses my mind)? But this time I was okay with it and I knew it wasn't because of my character or personality or job history. Delighting in God is so good. Which is also the reason why I'm not that nervous about the career fair like I was last year. When I feel convicted and feel like I can contribute/learn in a company, I have no problem trying to 'sell' myself to them. I believe Edun really was a God given opportunity. Whether or not I get in is another thing but I believe this really is my chance to do what I've dreamed of doing. I mean what could be better or a better match for me as an aspiring eco/socially conscious fashion student? And even better since I wrote once that I wished I could get into Edun but didn't know how? And even better still that Bono told us to drown him out and perhaps in the near future I could be working for his company to understand how for profit organizations like his works? It would be really a dream/prayer answered.

Boo I missed out on a good sermon today by Pastor Francis which Andrew summarized for me (oh wait it's on his blog too). I also missed seeing my brother play on the worship team. :(

I finally cut off the Urbana bracelet. lol.

I can't believe it's been a week since I left Toronto. I miss it so dearly and those who live in it. :( However I have February to look forward to since two friends are coming down and then in March my mom is coming down.

It seems that I have so little to say when school resumes again. I was rereading old posts and was a little astonished at my own insight. I'm not saying it in a narcisstic way... I just don't think I could do it again if I had the opportunity to re- examine the same topic. It saddens me that I can't even think of something to say here- or anything original anyway unless one wishes to hear me babble about what I did today but I find those a little boring. I find it a little ironic that I brain freeze in the very institution that wants me to think while on my spare time during summer I can think because that's when I truly live. Here I just get holed up in my room doing homework and watching movies. You want to know what my first assignment was for Fashion Industry: Design? I literally had to go visit a shopping district (ie Soho, Nolita, Meatpacking, Fifth Ave) and write a portrait of the district including the people who were shopping there, the merchandise, the display windows etc. So I went to Fifth Ave after church where Chanel, Dior, YSL, Prada, Versace and LV were situated. I'm not very fond of going there because there usually are a ton of tourists and I don't like the pretentiousness of these expensive stores. Yeah and then I had to write a two page paper on what I noticed there.

HAHA my roomie has to make a shrine of something so she's doing a Sam shrine. LOL. Frickin hilarious. It's an actual Sophomore Concepts assignment.

Philosophy is Inescapable.

The fridge at a typical university student dorm.

Hm. A not so typical freezer at our apartment. Eleven cartons of ice cream and counting....

Lol. Anyway I just had one class today. It's called 'Invention' and as soon as I entered the classroom I saw this tall, thin old man with round glasses and wispy grey hair. He started talking about philosophy and how we have to understand the philosophy of what we love doing because "philosophy is fundamental thinking which is important in thinking fundamentally." As soon as he wrote that down, I wanted to burst out laughing.
He continued on saying how our brains can be illustrated like a large glass cup. No one is born shallow, they either believe themself to be shallow and then start filling themselves with crap. He literally said "your generation is full of sh*t" and that the work of the students at our school is unoriginal and stupid. Philosophy to him was like pumping out the crap in your body and pouring in depth and understanding and he used this following personal analogy. As people grow old, they lose their hearing. However in the case of his father, he had a huge plug in his ear due to growing ear hair and wax so the doctor had to pump it out and he was able to hear. So philosophy is like taking out that wax/ear hair plug and inserting wisdom. LOL.
So we'll be reading Burke, Goodman and other work of philosophers. Our entire grade is based on ONE essay and ONE absence is a grounds to failure (which automatically means I can't help out at Fashion Week on Friday. I'm really sad).
During the whole two hour lecture (forced myself to stay awake), I wasn't sure whether to laugh in disbelief or to just accept the fact that I can't run away from philosophy even if I wanted to. Sigh. Whatever, I think I can do it. Although I'm not really interested in 'philosophy' as a hobby or would pursue it in books on my leisure time, I want to excel in the class just to prove myself capable of such 'critical thinking'. I hope it's all applicable in the end and perhaps inspiring.
And if you were wondering why clothes cost so much, Martin Margiela did a small collection of couture (made to measure) pieces out of recycled objects. He also attached the number of hours it took to complete along with the price. This piece created from recycled nylon bags is $5530 Euros and took 53 hours to make. The photograph below was an editorial in Vogue about... two years ago in celebration of MOMA's opening. In front Natalia Vodianova is wearing a Dior couture gown (can you imagine how much fabric that is) and the painting in the back is a Chuck Close.. amazing If you look closely at his paintings they're made up of squares of colour and each is about 5-7 feet high.

It's easy to propose in this chaotic, self-driven world of ours the world of fashion to be shallow. No doubt about it, I agree with that. That is why I'm in Integrated Design (IDC) studying fashion and sustainability as opposed to the pure fashion program. I don't think I could stand being with so many fashion students studying fashion 24/7 and doing fashion homework. I'd go insane. Why drive myself in a corner to learn about fashion? Where would I get inspiration from if I did not look beyond just fashion? No design field stands alone- they all lean on one another. Auntie Bernadette asked me last week (wow that was exactly a week ago.. weird) if I was a planner. I told them I had plans to go abroad (god willing) to Paris (then I'd have to sublet the apartment) or perhaps now since IDC is going to Japan for two weeks during the summer I'd do that and get an internship in Toronto and so forth. I'm not a planner per se but I'm forced to plan ahead or else I'll screw myself over. So I planned to go into IDC because I see design going forth to a more collaborative thing rather than each industry isolated in itself. I don't want to pigeon hole myself into just understanding how clothes are made but having a broader understanding of how design is present in everything we do or go. I think I have much to learn from product design students as well as design and management.

Yet the industry is so big you cannot ignore it nor dismiss it at a whim because of its influence on many of us. Nor can people foolishly propose fashion-loving people to just simply stop consuming (I remember they made a 'buy nothing' day and I forgot and bought a card at Hallmark). The world does not work that way. As I was walking to Robyn's 'shelf on a ceiling' apartment the other day, I was lost in such thoughts. I know that the industry is self centered, perfection driven in terms of body standards, critical in appearances and trend driven which forces consumers to constantly restock their wardrobe and throw away last years stuff. Not to mention it is environmentally degrading and a cause of poverty and pollution as well as creating this exclusive image of beauty and causing girls to hate their reflections. The designer is often exalted and the mass of factory workers are merely disregarded for their work in helping the realization of the former's work. 'The Devil Wears Prada' was a satire but I guess every satire speaks a little truth of the subject it is poking fun of.

Which makes me wonder why there aren't any Christians in the field. You have a world of at least 1 million people who work under such an industry yet so few 'missionaries' in the field doing anything to change culture. 1 million people to profess Christ to. We all hear people say "be a pastor, missionary in Africa, a doctor, a teacher." It seems like only those professions are good for serving. They say "people are sick, send the doctors in." They say "the people are poor, donate money." They say "people are uneducated, send teachers." Yet they hardly ever look beyond that to see that perhaps people are poor because many factory workers at garment factories work for less than minimum. They hardly see that people are ill because of the pesticides we spray in the cotton fields and the chemicals in dyes are causing birth defects and harmful intake of toxins. Where are all the designers? The world of design is so incredibly powerful, it surprises me to find that so few Christians work in it to change it for the good. We all wear clothes, we all buy clothes; whether or not we are trying to profess our love for it or try to dress to show that we don't give a darn. The fashion industry could be a powerful tool for ministry. Am I the only one who sees that? Am I the only one who believes that? You can tell someone like me to stop buying things. Yes you can guilt trip people into stop buying things temporarily but it doesn't last. Or you can tell them to put their money into something better like donating to charity or saving it. Yes yes of course they're all good but it's also not the wisest proposition to make because not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same passion or interests. With this industry that stresses so much on the exterior, I believe there is still much to go in depth into. You can only go deep once you begin to scratch the surface.

To Dor

Sometimes I feel that all friends that I make in my present will soon diminish and become something of the past. Like many, I have built friendships only to let them fall apart due to distance and time.

But then there are some who you click with so perfectly, it surprises me how some characters can work so well together while others take more effort to keep together. For instance, Tania and I naturally click because we are so vastly different there is no competition and we get along quite amicably (lol.... okay we clash a lot). I think I can only stay sane with people who are the total opposite of me so I've concluded that I will probably marry someone who does not resemble me in any way. After all why do I need to be 'fulfilled' in a person who embodies all my qualities when I can find them in myself. Haha. Of course no two people are exactly the same but you get my drift. Anyway I think Dor, one of my AY friends who now studies music at Western, is one of those people who I've instantly clicked with and one who I see ten years down the road of my life. As much as she loves to joke around and say some rather- erm- 'interesting' things, she's one of those people who can take you seriously when you're feeling hurt or depressed. Someone I know who will be a friend when in dire need for comfort. Even if we did not speak for more than a month, I know she'd be there to understand all that I'm going through. Today she said something unexpected which made my day as well as encouraging my interest in fashion:

dor says:
for masterclass next week... we have to play a piece
dor says:
i have to memorize my liszt
dor says:
i just startedddd i love it thoughh
§åM says:
that's great!
§åM says:
I'm glad for you
dor says:
u know what
dor says:
its great to talk to you sam cuz
dor says:
youre like the only person that im good friends with whom i can talk to about art.. and music
dor says:
like when i talk to my other friends from h.s.. prolly cuz i didnt care about music and stuff.. so made friends with people who didnt care about classical music either u know what i meaN?
§åM says:
haha
§åM says:
see I am sooo well rounded
and you used to complain I came in gr 10 after music!
dor says:
i love you sam!

Haha. Dor is so funny. Oh well, here's to you Dor. Hope you do well on your art history exam tomorrow you ex-artist! Thanks for being there for me throughout those last few paint-filled years making fun of April's big head. Though you may be having a tough time adjusting to a new life without all those who are dearest to you, I'm sure you'll do well in all you do and play that Liszt exceptionally well- better than any of those renown pianists out there. I am jealous of you and your perfect pitch.... grrr. You'll always have a friend close by; though she may be quite far away in distance, she's always here for you. :)

Opening Doors

Don't wish,
Don't start.
Wishing only wounds the heart.
-I'm Not That Girl, Wicked

Those lyrics just stood out to me when I watched the musical. It makes me feel... human when I feel disappointed with love, career and just... life. I like this song: it's a good moping song when you live in a city full of feminine men and the only testosterone filled one is probably a good hundred miles out of the city. -_-
Anyway I finally sucked up the courage to go to our Career Center to get a review of my pathetic resume in order to gain access to our job 'portal' where internships and jobs are posted daily. I basically went on my email and emailed the majority of companies who were looking for volunteers for the upcoming Olympus Fashion Week. I got one reply so far today (the other needs experience in dressing models... how hard could it be to help models change?? But I guess it's really fast paced) to help assemble gift bags prior to the show on a Friday. You may laugh but I don't mind doing it- you never know what one job can get you to and if I work hard enough ,perhaps I can get more duties for the Saturday.
However I have class that Friday so I'm thinking of skipping my class which is quite dangerous. Unlike all the other universities out there, Parsons takes attendance and if you miss two classes, you fail on your third absence despite if your uncle died or if you were sick as hell. It doesn't matter. You have to be at class even if you were an incubus of viral plague about to be unleashed on your unlucky fellow classmates (yes I like to quote the Devil). However I would be willing to take my chances.. this would be my second attendance of that class so I'm not sure. I'm gonna take the class tomorrow for the first time so perhaps I can talk to the teacher about it. Sigh. Why does nothing work out? I just want some experience and it's so hard being a full time student. :(

AND YET there is still hope. I don't know if this is a God-granted calling but I was on the college job site and saw a notice for the annual 'Careers with a Conscience' fair in February. I went last year but was a little disappointed by what I saw. What I love about Parsons is the vast job connections it has to almost every fashion company out there (and more). Yes Parsons has a internship fair coming up with hook ups to MTV, Walt Disney, Donna Karan, Cole Haan etc... yet we have one for those who are more socially conscious and it was a heaven-sent invitation:

Careers with a Conscience is open to all Parsons and New School students and
alumni. Companies and organizations that attend are invited because of their
contribution to the social and environmental good. Companies including ABC Home
and Carpet, Abysinnian Development Corporation, Apple, Armani, Do Something, The Doe Fund, Edun, Eileen Fisher, Free Arts, Green Map System, Harlem Educational Activities Fund, The Peace Corps, Nordstrom, Patagonia Rogan, and City Parks Foundation will be offering jobs, internships and/or career information.

Did you see that?!?!?! HAHA. Bono's fair trade and organic collection is actually on the list of potential companies! Omg. I am definitely going to their booth to try and get some internship. Imagine that. I love it. Thank you Parsons. I paid $30k/year for just this connection.

I want to blog more but am listening to the Wicked soundtrack and talking and I can't think properly with so much in my head.

Haha Joseph is so funny. Ironically I didn't even know he existed at RHCBC until he came to visit Manhattan. Robyn, make him come to NY!!

February 14

As February approaches, I am reminded that Valentine's Day is coming up. When I first remembered, I got really excited because it gives me an excuse to throw some small 'party'. As you can see I can get a little over the top. Well I hosted a Christmas party for my art friends and we had so much fun that we decided to use Valentine's Day to throw another one. It was in the theme of a Mad Hatter tea party hence the random tea cups and cupcakes that say 'Eat Me' and 'Taste me' and 'Try Me' and others with X's and some with O's (instead of a guest card I baked cupcakes and wrote their names in icing). My family has also befriended a 27 year old sushi chef who makes the most beautiful, exquisite sushi I have ever seen so we got him to create little marble sushi with pink rice and sashimi roses (J GRILL ON BAYVIEW AND MAJOR MAC where the Malaysian restaurant is).

You can call it my submission to yet another Hallmark, Americanized holiday yet I rather see it as a way of using and amusing myself and others with my artistic abilities and creativity. Instead of moping I like to create get togethers to build friendships and just have a good time. Last year my roomie made us all cards and a girl gave us each a heart shaped helium balloon. We then proceeded to sit in a circle and suck out all the helium. It was the funniest thing ever- reminiscent of some druggie ring sharing a heroine needle and getting high. Haha. This Valentine's Day I will most likely invite my dear cousin and her roomie to come or perhaps we'll go out and celebrate a mutual friend's birthday since it so happens to fall on the holiday. I already bought Pillsbury heart cookies which I plan to make and distribute. I also want to bake cupcakes and ice them like I did in my pictures. But most of all I want to battle feelings of inadequacy as a singleton for all my friends and to show them that they are appreciated and loved. I enjoy making things, making people/friends feel special and hosting parties In the end, I guess that's why I do what I do on Valentine's Day. It makes me happy to make others happy.

So two days have passed since I left Toronto.
Tania asked me what I was taking this semester,
Invention (design philosophy)
Technology Core (mandatory film class that coincides with prior class)
History of Design (mandatory)
And then.....
Fashion Industry: Marketing
Fashion Industry: Design
Construction 1: Draping

Haha. I went to my first Fashion Ind: Design class yesterday and I'm hoping it'll be a good class. Our teacher seems very knowledgeable in the area: she lived in Paris for 25 years, worked for Christian Dior eight years and now is a fashion forecaster (one who predicts trends) and is researching to write a book. She would babble on about designers and such while we were trying to get through the syllabus. I never could imagine the breadth and the enormity of the industry until now. If you think about it, millions of people live, so to speak, jobwise in the industry. She was listing the endless amount of jobs you could get in this realm. We often think fashion involves just one person who is the 'genius' the 'designer' who gives birth to the designs and bam! They are physically made. However the industry closely imitates that of an ant hill. you have designers, patternmakers, fashion forecasters, dyers, jewelers, textile workers, technical designers (they measure and do all the precision stuff.. they can make $60,000 at entry level), weavers, embroiderers, mass production lines within different countries, buyers, merchandisers, visual merchandisers, salespeople, dressers, PR and seamstresses. Not to mention people who work around the designers including editors, fashion magazines, photographers, make up artists, hair stylists, lighting crew, production set and so on. The industry must support millions and millions of jobs worldwide.

Often you find people who take fashion too seriously. I myself would defend it because there really are a lot of people who are against it yet I can see its drawbacks and its negative side in terms of consumerism and perfectionism. And yet while I'm walking across the street to school (yes I live literally across my school. I am very lazy :P), I couldn't help but smiling at the fact that everyone looks so 'New Yorker' with their leather bags, high heeled boots and pristine wool coats. It literally looks like the the intro of The Devil Wears Prada. It makes me laugh- in the end, you do have to take it a little lightheartedly. When Robyn and I were waiting in the airport to board our plane, two older women sat across from us and you can feel the elevator eyes checking you out. Both had Chanel cosmetic cases- one was holding the latest Dior bag in black. Both of them were decked in big fur coats and dressed black head to toe with black nails (trendy). It was funny. In Toronto, most people don't care or just have different tastes. When I'm bored or standing in the elevator, my eyes roam around people's bags to try and discern what brand it is. That's how I keep myself entertained. New Yorkers are funny- they care so much about how they look to other people. People from outside the city dress more 'daring' because New Yorkers are apparently more 'open minded' in terms of attire. Sigh, in the end you can't take it too seriously.

So what does a fashion forecaster do and how does one predict trends for the upcoming season? Our teacher told us that she and another fashion designer, architect, an interior designer and others in the design industry go out to their 'assigned country' (hers being New York) and take pictures of people passing by or window displays that catch their eye. Then they pool all their research together and attempt to extract a future trend. Couture designers were showing pouffy sleeves two years ago and you can see it slowly trickling down the hierarchy. So the Devil Wears Prada was right.

How they do that, I have no idea. It must be crazy. I read an article that one fashion forecasting company (yes there are a few), and what they do is come up with four words that would 'encompass' a trend. It was really interesting.

If you look closely, fashion often reflects the way we live, our outlook and the events that are happening in our time. Designers can be grouped together by style, just like art movements.

Calvin Klein and Jil Sander were minimalists. Narciso Rodriguez was also a a minimalist mixed in with mathematical formulae (due to his architect background). Yojhi Yamamoto was a deconstructionist. I mean you have to give respect to Miuccia Prada: she has a PHD in political science hence her designs are often very stark and 'cool' in aesthetic. In class we had to watch the life of Yves Saint Laurent: a man who became the successor of Christian Dior at the mere age of 21. He designed everything himself- he literally did 1000 drawings in two weeks. I know, I was blown away. 1000 drawings?!!? He was the one who softened the menswear look and fashioned it onto the female frame. Many of the looks he invented decades ago are resurfacing now (I can justify that for myself). His name alone- three letters: YSL, sold for $600 million. Just those three letters-Y-S-L: he kept all his archives and clothes and transformed his design house into a museum. Now I want to go to Paris to visit the museum.

As we see more and more collections issued out faster and faster- even established design houses have two main collections a year as well as their diffusion lines (usually lower priced to support their limited high end ones) and some even have cruise lines out (for the extremely wealthy who just so happen to own a yacht and need a wardrobe to match). Fast fashion has become so popular among the masses that high end labels are finding it hard to catch up because they can issue out super trendy garments using super low quality fabrics. H&M and Forever21 issue out new clothes every two weeks. That's insanely fast. It's also dubbed 'throwaway fashion' for its short lifespan and trendiness which is soon dated and thrown away.

So is it possible to create a store that sells 'throwaway fashion' into one that is sustainably acceptable? As much as I'd love to be one of those high end designers who charge $20,000 for a mere jacket (only 15 people in this world can afford a full couture wardrobe. Couture is made to measure to your specifications and several fittings are required and all the clothes are handmade... whatever that means. A couture gown could take up to 700 hours of labour) I think an eco friendly clothing store is able to fulfill its purpose only if it is available to the masses. If it was like Bono's Edun line where jeans are $300, how can anyone be eco friendly if they wished to be? I would support his line if I had that money but unfortunately I do not. So the only answer to how one can change the fashion industry using organic materials and such is by 1) making it available to the general public 2) being able to crush assumptions and established beliefs that eco friendly clothing looks like potato sack dresses.

I ramble too much.

Are the Prayers of the Saints like Sweet Smelling Incense to Your Heart

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields [b] with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

When Steve read this passage out during worship, I just started crying without trying to cause a spectacle. It expressed exactly everything I was feeling and reassuring that everything was going to be okay. Within me there is so much pain, fear and sadness channeling through every time I leave Toronto. Can you call me a crybaby or an over sentimental person? This is my second year and yet it is so difficult every time- every time I return to New York I get really emotional. I tell myself I've been through this once, and I can do it again and yet every time when it's time to say goodbye, I break down. It's so difficult- is this my calling? Why is it so hard to fulfill? Why does it hurt then if I am supposed to be fulfilled? Am I supposed to have to wrench myself away from my comfort zone to be thrust into a life of independency and solitude? Is this what my life should be? How long must I stick with this, God? I miss my parents. Today I was thinking in the taxi, that if I did not have such a good relationship with my family, perhaps it would be easier. Yet it is such a blessing to be able to truly understand and love one's family.
After worship, Amy gave me a present: an RHCBC worship cd and I was so surprised and am so glad that she gave it to me. It truly was a gift from God- it was something I needed to hear. Just listening to the familiar voices of people back home (though I may have rarely spoke to them) is just comforting. My favourite song is 'The Prayer of the Saints' with Joyce and Sam Hui. It's just soothing. Beautiful song.
I think one thing that God teaches me every time I return to New York is that loneliness dwells within each of us whether or not we live with parents, spouse or friends. That even though they are present, they are finite and that He is infinite and omnipresent and only in Him can we fulfill our purpose.
Thanks Amy. I love it.
God, show me Your strength in me because I can do anything through You.
God I feel so lonely.
Please pray for me.

Looking Back

Whenever I approach the day prior to my departure, I always want to do something special yet can't seem to ever think of anything in particular. For the past month of holiday I have ensured my fair share of dim sum, 'shopping' at First Markham (why is everything so expensive), 'lai cha', Tim Hortons (sandwich combo, ham and swiss on white bread, small with med ice cap with milk and donut), home cooking (lots and lots of pork bone soup), going to my favourite restaurants, seeing friends and visits to Value Village (to the point where the manager recognizes me). The only things I wasn't able to do was:
-Go to the Bata Shoe Museum although I swore to myself that I would this Christmas.
-P Mall... so sad- I miss my favourite milk bubble tea
-Visit friends at Queens- due to a load of visits to various doctors

Another thing I'd like to do during the summer is go to the AGO (Art Gallery of Ontario) and visit the Bernini and Rubens (a painting called Massacre of the something.. depicts the male babies that were killed ordered by King Herod) if it's on display. Very exciting.
On the other hand I was able to achieve the following OTHER than eating:
-Get a pair of better contacts... sticking with the regulars now. I hold the white flag when it comes to Ortho K- it's hopeless.
-Figure out what was wrong with my body/health
-Get a pair of glasses to my true eyesight(the case is soooo pretty.... I like the case more than I like the glasses. HAHA.. why am I such a sucker for packaging)
-Attend Salt

Today (well yesterday) was quite nice- it was a beautiful day and our entire family on my mom's side went to dim sum at the pink tablecloth place for the last time. I went home and did laundry and started packing... didn't want to spend the last day just packing so my mom and I took a walk around though it was blindingly bright outside. Then decided to go to Mt Pleasant to our favourite French bakery and had afternoon tea/snack with my dad and then proceeded to buy my roomie a x mas/b day present at the miniature shop (we like to give each other useless gifts). Then had dinner with Becca and a few others at a Japanese restaurant.
Yeah so I'm praying praying that this semester will be good. I'm scared. I really am.

Psalms 25

After writing the previous post, I opened up my Bible and read Psalms since it apparently is for people who are finding an 'emotional outlet'. I am not always into Psalms because it talks about your enemies and battles that David encountered but I found this one very touching and comforting:
Psalm 25
Of David. [a] 1 In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.
2 I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
4 Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.
5 Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good.
8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.
13 They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
19 See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, [b] is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

I'm afraid.
I don't know why I'm always afraid of going back to New York- but I am.

Connections

I needed some inspiration so I decided to watch 'Pride and Prejudice'. No not the crappy interpretation done by Keira Knightley, but the four hour version with Colin Firth.
Mr Darcy is so devilishly handsome and his counterpart, Mr Bingley is so cute. In my eyes, they're the stars of the show. lol.
On that note.. I'M ALMOST DONE MY WAISTCOAT. :D All I need is a top hat and a fancy cane and I can be an English dandy :P jk. I love love working with natural fibres. This was one fun project: $70, 3 lessons, approx 20 hours have resulted in a new garment. :)
One thing I've learned about fashion construction is that it's very mathematical in some ways and very... rigid? I don't know how to explain it but it takes a heck a lot of work. Although I know very little about the process of creating a line I know AFTER the drawing comes the pattern making which are done by a team of pattern designers whose pieces are then cut and made into prototypes using muslin. Muslin is a light and soft material usually used to make garment prototypes. After two revisions of the original pattern, the real fabrics are used. I guess that's why it costs so much for designer stuff. Who has the time to make two prototypes plus patterns nowadays?

Hey the Christmas dinner pictures are up. I love the lighting! I want some interior lights now... they make the pictures look so pro. I can't stop staring at other people's photos. Haha.. stalkerish.. yes.

So during Urbana at the Caring For Creation seminar, Ed Brown, the host of the lecture and also author of 'Our Father's World' told us that his book was available at the Connexions bookstore but they would only take 130 copies because "environmental books don't sell well."
Of course we were all determined to prove a few Christians wrong, so all 130 of them sold out. It's available in Chapters if you'd like to take a look at it. Not long after, I received an email from them saying they got a letter from a famous environmentalist:
However, we weren’t quite prepared for the letter that follows. For many, the name E. O. Wilson needs no introduction; for the rest – he is a biologist at Harvard University, a Pulitzer Prize-winning author and probably the world’s most prominent environmental scientist. He published a book (‘The Creation’) in August that has received a great deal of attention as an appeal from a scientist to a pastor to join forces to help save creation. This is what he says about Ed’s book:

Our Father's World is a beautiful and inspiring book. I will keep it on hand both for consultation and reference. When I first opened it, the question on my mind was, "Will evangelicals read it?" As I approached the close, the question became "Will secular environmentals read it?" They need to read it, and understand the power Christianity has to help save the living environment--not just in voting numbers, but also out of strength from spirituality and rational argument.
Edward O. Wilson, Harvard University Dr. Wilson has offered to help us get the book into the secular press in order to gain as wide an audience as possible.

Cool eh? I think it's very cool. I still have yet to read the book. For some reason, reading no longer appeals to me... perhaps I haven't found the right books but I have been, in place of reading Christian books, reading the Bible on my own time. So I think that's okay.

I've often complained that though my parents are well known in RHCCC since my dad oversees the engineering part of the expansion and my mom a Sunday school teacher, that they don't have any connections that would benefit me. However this seemed to change today when my dad came back from church to tell me his friend's friend works in China at a leather company that does stuff for Danier Leather and that I could contact him for a potential job/internship. Hm... Although I'm not that interested in leather, that particular province very near Shanghai) is known for its large garment industry so I could see what's out there. Finally, a glimmer of hope. :P My school is also in the middle of hosting adelegation from the Central Academy of Fine Arts in Beijing in hopes of a future collaboration. :D

My mom also gave me a Parsons update letter and in this letter, the Dean basically writes about the things that the students have been doing and I've been offhandedly mentioned in there,
"In Kosovo, students from the Integrated Design Curriculum partnered with women for Women International to help local women launch their own home furnishings business."
Correction: it was more than 'home furnishings'. Also the head of Parsons PR wants to get our story published at a few magazines... except I'm getting a little lazy and I don't want to send her pictures and stuff. Haha.

BOO!

Surprise! Hope I didn't scare you away with my extremely vain banner done NOT on Photoshop because I am Photoshop retarded but on my lovely Microsoft Picture It! program. Go me- I know one day I'll have to face Adobe Photoshop but it is not this day.
Le Chateau had a lovely headband display case so Lois proceeded to take pictures of it and us with it. I was in awe of the display with it's colour coordination. This was a candid shot taken whilst the blogger was trying on an overpriced gold one with my old bangs.. stupid hairstylist chopped my bangs fob style last week so now I have to wait another two weeks for them to grow out so I can cut them straight across.
Now I feel a little foolish dedicating a banner to myself however when I was trying to conceive of a better idea there weren't any pictures that really encapsulated me, my thoughts and my interests. Then again people have their own Facebook and MySpace accounts with pictures of themselves and their friends so why not have ONE picture of me up on my own blog?
Okie dokie so that's all for now. :P
Thanks to Tania for the html.
Thanks to Loiser for the image.

Oh the Randomness of Me!

In a nutshell this post is about my eyes and control/trust, Sunday service and worship, future thoughts on the spring semester, dating/marriage.... and I think that covers the most of it. :)

Chinese herbal medicine works. I'm a believer.
Seriously, I have been through at least 10 pairs of Ortho-K lenses (night correction ones) and now about 15.
I've finally got normal lenses without any Ortho-k in them hence the reason why I'm wearing glasses for two days to allow my corneas to bounce back before wearing these normal lenses for another four days prior to doc check up.
Major sigh.
And the normal lenses are only a back up. I will return back to the mildly charged Ortho-k lenses after those four days.
God, can you just pour some mud over my eyes and make them better? Why do I have to go through so much just to be able to see?
And it doesn't even stop there. I ALSO got a pair of emergency glasses that are fitted to my true eye prescription of aprox 500 in one eye and 425 in the other. The glasses I am wearing right now are only about 300. Yeah so after about half an hour of going through YSL, Gucci, Donna Karan, Marc Jacobs, and Prada, I ended up plastic dark blue Guccis. I will look more art snob than ever! I aspire to be Edna Mode. lol. Jk. The stupid thing is is that I won't even wear these UNLESS my retainer ortho k ones don't work and I end up with the normal pairs and if those don't work THE I'll have to resort to the Gucci glasses.
Hey, if I can't wear contacts, at least I have relatively nice glasses. I hate glasses on me in general- I feel like I'm someone else and my self esteem sinks to a whole new level so at least they're nice glasses but perhaps not on me. :P
I know, it's complicated. The history of my eyes go waaaay back. Ever since SALT on Friday where the guy spoke about how he and his wife tried to get infertility treatments for six years trusting in science and their own actions over trusting God- could this possibly be the exact same thing for me and my eyes? Am I just fighting and controlling something I don't have any power over? My parents have spent thousands of dollars on my eyes trying to find the perfect pair of lenses but due to my SPK (dry eye 'disease' which I inherited from my dad- yay), I've had problems and am not a suitable client for contact lenses in general. Should I just let go after all these years of trying?

We have family friends from Vancouver staying at our place and during dinner our friend mentioned how much she loved the worship and pastor at RHCBC because worship was so different with a black leader who was really energetic and vibrant. She also mentioned how she liked how simple Pastor Francis' sermon was with only one basic point. My mom, who attended the service last week but had to return to RHCCC this week, noticed a difference between the worship at her own church as opposed to RHCBC's. She was also impressed by the number of attendees at the ESC prayer meeting as opposed to the Chinese one yet their congregation is larger. She was inspired to go to attend the RHCCC prayer meeting. I think RHCBC is heading in a good direction if I am permitted to say so. I liked the sermon today- nothing very new (compair and despair is a prominent thing that is big in the art world) but I like how he drew that out of a parable. It was simple and to the point. I like that- no rambling.
On the other hand, I attended the Bible Study CD team today on Ephesians and I honestly did not like it. Perhaps it's the style of teaching or just me not trying hard enough but we cracked the first chapter today and started talking about predestination and election. Okay, but she then assumes we understand what it is and launches on this whole thing about how different denominations believe different things. I don't really like this whole lecture style way of Bible study. To put it bluntly, I'm not really interested in that stuff. Fine, others may love arguing about predestination and election and how debate about why God chose some people over others but brain goes on automatic shut down.
I do, however, like the Urbana style Bible study. I am more interested in annotation and finding relationships between passages and understanding how it was originally written and with what kind of context/background. I know that philosophy and all that good stuff is important but that's honestly not where my interests lie. I had a great time scribbling away at our cool accordian Ephesians text during Urbana. It was fun. I got to interact with the chapters themselves and drew a little anatomical body and coloured the head and feet in as a visual aid in the folds of the pages. But I can't do lecture style. I like how the Urbana leaders encouraged critical thinking by posing questions and forcing us to question Scripture itself and we did this in small groups. But perhaps I am judging too quickly with just one CD team session, however I will be leaving early next week for my flight back to New York. Sigh. My parents, a family friend and I were having a discussion about worship right after dinner. My dad was not sure how comfortable a non believer would be with a very physically vibrant style of worship as opposed to the typical Chinese worship and how you could integrate them into the church so that they felt at home. I argued that even the act of having to stand and sing as a group is something different and slightly awkward for a non believer so even if people were raising their hands and clapping, there would not be much of a big difference. If they wanted to make a non believer comfortable, RHCBC in the past (not sure about now) set aside the first day of every month which was tailored for guests and non believers and we were encouraged to invite people. My mom argues that worship should be vibrant and that if the worship team can bring us all to a state of worship, then we could show non believers how we truly are in the presence of God as the body of Christ. HOWEVER if we worry too much about what non believers think, then how are we supposed to focus on worshiping ourselves and if the worship team is worried about what non believers think, how are they supposed to bring us to meet God through song and praise? Keep plowing, as Pastor Francis says. ;) I don't know- when we got into this discussion/debate on worship I just woke up from my post dinner food coma and started thinking and talking. Those discussions are few in my family.
I'm having fun with my sewing machine. I love my sewing machine and hopefully it loves me back by doing everything I need it to do. I wish I could bring it back with me. :( I just like sewing super fast through hems. Great mindless work. :) Wait till I get to use an INDUSTRIAL machine next semester- I heard they go twice as fast. :S
Whenever I'm feeling scared or depressed about my future school semester, I write down a list of things to look forward to. This is what I've come up with for the Spring 2007:
January 21-31: watch The Illusionist with Robyn (YAY I GOT IT! Special features are crap)
February: Vanessa and Julia are visiting from 17-25. Yay, friends. I seriously don't have any there besides my roommates of last year. Not joking.
Olympus Fashion Week: Fall 2007 collections at Bryant Park.
March: Family is supposed to visit. Perhaps take a trip during my spring break to Rhode Island or maybe we'll do something crazy like go to Miami!! Nah. haha.
April: Er...
May: My birthday: May 12 which so happens to fall on a Saturday and school officially ends on the 14th which is the Monday after. Hoping I will end on the 11th.
I've already started making summer plans. I WANT to go home for the summer but it requires figuring out what I can do that's productive during those three months. It also means, God willing I go to Paris for my Fall 2007 semester, I will have to sublet my apartment to a stranger. This is posing a problem because that means she will have to stay with my roomie in the same room. That's really awkward and I pray that God will give me a good person if I do go abroad. So my side of the room is up for grabs for seven months which ALSO means I have to find a place to store all my crap during those months. I just have to trust God in all of this.
So what do I do with three months in Toronto. I would LIKE to get a job however the stores I want to work at and reflect their style are stores that need experience and the stores I could work at, I don't reflect their image. Brilliant. But we'll see if I can get an internship or a job. I will apply anyway and trust God. That's all I can really say right now because it really is up to Him.
Well I have other plans just in case it falls through: more sewing lessons and Vanessa brought up the other day at a club (yeah I realized clubbing is not for me. Classy lounge is good but everything else is too pretentious for me) that she was interested in taking mandarin classes at U of T. I, myself, want to learn Mandarin too so she was gonna look up summer courses so we could take it together. I'm also missing some credits so perhaps this could be a way of filling those in.

I've always wondered the meaning behind those sermons about 'getting out of your comfort zone' and what that implies. You see, living in New York is not very 'comfortable'. I don't find my overpriced education fulfilling right now. I've never really felt comfortable at any church and ironically have fallen into this uncomfortable 'comfort zone' every time where I do not interact with people I know of yet don't have the guts to speak to them. So technically am I doing the right thing by moving to New York and getting out of that comfort zone of family and familiarity? Or am I still sitting in that comfort zone in terms of my relationship with the church?

Funny conversation as my mom and her friend are driving to First Markham today. They start 'lecturing' me on what guy to marry: cannot be a computer game loving person says my mom because my dad is always playing computer games. I asked her why she married him and she told me that computer games did not exist back when they were dating. My mom's friend then told me not to marry a guy who speaks very little and doesn't have any fun because they end up very boring, unexciting husbands. Lol. My mom's friend's son told us over sushi today, that he plans to graduate at 21 (he's a year younger attending 3 year program in HK) and get married at 23, and have a kid at 30 after he's had his fill of fun. It just reminded me of when Lois had this very strict plan of when she was gonna graduate, when she was gonna date and marry and have kids. It was hilarious back in high school. I don't have any plans because life is so unexpected and I'm all over the place PLUS my school is literally gay. I could remain single by default. LOL. I will leave my brother to carry on the family name and lineage.
People always like to ask me, "so is there any guy in your life?" or the straight up "do you have a boyfriend?" I usually assume they don't really know what school I go to and my usual answer is "my school is all gay or just really weird." Although I'd like to experience falling in love/dating/marrying if it is in His will, I'll enjoy the gift of singleness for now especially for all the freedom it entails. I know that's one thing I'll miss. And yet one of the things I look forward to if I get a chance to date is to getting to know a person intimately like in Good Will Hunting, especially those little quirks that are not noticeable to most people. Good or bad, down to the very last detail, each one of us possess those little idiosyncrasies that make us so unique. To know those little details is like a reward for putting time, energy, patience, understanding etc into a relationship.

Gibberish

I'm liking the Spring Louis Vuitton ads with Scarlett Johanson: very reminiscent of the pin up girl. I think the bag design is quite a clever twist to the iconic statue here in New York: a famous LOVE red structure thing near the Modern Art Museum (MOMA). They basically used that same idea and twisted the lettering so that you get both the LV brand logo as well as the word 'love' which could be either read as consumer brand loyalty or a twist on the art piece. Anyhow, if I had the money, I wouldn't buy it because other than that it really is a logo splashed on a bag. Nice photography though.

Boo I have to wear my glasses over the weekend to let my eyes bounce back so I can wear normal lenses for four days and then get my eyes checked. :( I hate glasses. I hate them so much that I am damaging my eyes.

Sigh.

Anyway this post is going to be just a 'what I did today' type of post. Basically woke up at 9:01am (wow!) and went to sewing class for almost two hours. I'm almost done... working with natural, expensive fibres really does make a difference in the overall finish of the garment. I then dashed off to meet Tanya at Eaton Centre where we did a few pointless loops until we got to Sephora and there I bought some over expensive make up for my friend's extremely belated Christmas gift. I normally would not spend $34 (includes tax) on a dual eyeshadow for personal use but for her I will. Hahaha.. Oh well. I hope she likes it. I'm not even gonna see her so who knows when she'll get this.

And then we meandered to Bloor where all the eye candy was situated at (Tanya also complained about my walking speed. :S). I wanted to see Holt Renfrew so we ended up there because Tanya wanted to prove to me that upscale boutique sale clerks are not as stuck up as I perceived them to be. I think we spent an hour there- I mean what can you possibly try on when everything we touched was at least $500. But it was nice to feel expensive fabrics- to get a feel of what the quality is like compared to mass produced things. Yeah if anything, I saw things I liked but I'm pretty sure I could reproduce them myself if I could create a pattern for it. Tanya also poked me into going to the Chanel boutique within the department store and I did with a lot of nerve and seeing other people in there too. This salesclerk kept asking me if I needed any help so I ended up blabbering and asking him about one particular purse which ended up to be $1200. I'm interested in discerning genuine ones from counterfeits hence the reason why I wanted to go into the boutique in the first place. I know it's really random but I can tell you it's freaking difficult. Beyond visually comparing the two to the minute detail, I believe feeling the real thing is the only way you could really tell the two apart (I could do a whole post on discerning a real Chanel from a fake one just by visuals). This is also the single largest error that most Ebayers encounter because they just see photographs and are not able to feel the material for themselves. Fake leather is plasticy while real leather is soft and cushy yet not to the point of foam. Because Chinese counterfeiters have become so good in recreating high end bags, it is increasingly becoming more difficult to seperate the two. I'm not big on buying counterfeits unless it's from Value Village (in that case there is a possibility of it being genuine) because 1) they fund things I don't support like gangs. Yes. Gangs. 2) trying to pretend you have a lot of money by purchasing a fake is silly. So it's annoying when I'm at Canal Street trying to do my Chinese grocery shopping but having to dodge people whispering "guccicoachlouis! guccicoachlouis!"

Anyway, gone off track. I still find a few of the salespeople a little bigheaded: this lady with the Edna haircut (from the Incredibles) kept trailing us. I wanted to touch their vintage couture stuff but she was watching. :( I realized that if I do end up in the fashion design business and God granting, open up a store, I dont want to do high end stuff because the people are so cold and distant. The whole architecture of many of the high end boutiques is supposed to subconsciously create a coccoon within itself- to bar unwanted people from entering and welcoming the cream of society. Just look for yourself next time. I don't like it.

Anyway, I also went to Salt which focused on money management. He mentioned environmental stuff as an example of talking vs acting upon the talking. Good job. I want a green bin. Where are our green bins??

The problem is not about walking the walk in the case of being eco friendly. It's about how poorly designed our recycling systems are in the first place. When I recycle, I don't even feel like I'm recycling (and I do, religiously). I'm just downgrading discarded products. Printed white paper no longer will be recycled to become white paper- it'll end up as newsprint for me to draw on and then eventually end up in the landfill. Plastic bottles end up being pelts for stuffing our Fed Ex boxes with and ends up taking more energy and produces more waste to 'recycle' them in the first place. Iono, I don't think recycling really works so long as there is no one to redesign our recycling system.

Frick, human based design is so faulty.

The Dissection of My Shame in a Frowned Upon Industry

People often grow up with a passion- an interest or a hobby which ignites and propels them to a certain career. I, on the other hand, as a child was interested in only drawing and writing stories (more like descriptions of the fictional places- I never really finished a story I started). Perhaps I was supposed to go into writing but I need to know, through Parsons, whether or not I was created to be a fashion designer.
I've read interviews of established designers and listened to my peers. They've all grown up dressing their Barbie dolls, sewing clothes for them and Bonnie started sewing at the age of six. I, on the otherhand, surprisingly was never 'into' fashion until.... gr 10 perhaps? I was never 'born' with it. Before I did care about what I wore but to a lesser extent and not so much to the extreme. I don't really know where my 'turning point' was but I know that through time, I became interested in it. Of course as a child I made my mom draw me girls with huge ballgowns and had my own collection of Barbies and dresses and I always begged my mom to let me wear my party dress to school but it was something of leisure.
In gr 10 I discovered the weekly fashion section of my Toronto Star and Globe and Mail subscription. I'd eagerly wait for the Thursdays and Saturdays to read what interesting tidbits they had to offer on trends, designers and events. No one knew about my growing interest. I'd collect these newspapers at night when everyone finished reading the paper so that they would not notice the fashion section missing. I'd stash them under my bed until behind closed doors, I could indulge in them alone. Prior to that I relied on my Archie comics and carefully copied Betty and Veronica on paper with various outfits and colour them in marker. My mom had them laminated and I remember the clerk would always say how beautiful they were (of course the anatomy was off but as a gr 5 kid, I was proud of them).
I still remember when I bought my very first magazine. It was in Hong Kong when I was in grade 6 (approx) and I was in a small bookstore. I selected the one without all the sex in its titles like Cosmopolitan which to this day disgusts me. Anyway it was a British magazine with Liv Tyler on its cover with a turquoise background and yellow font. I still have it. On the side of that I remember someone giving me a book teaching you how to draw fashion models and another gave me this book of some sort (these memories just resurfaced) which dealt with how to draw female faces. That book has had a huge impact on me because now unless I draw with an actual subject, I can only draw one stylized female face.
From then I grew into various teen magazines such as Fashion or something like that. I never touched Vogue or Seventeen because in my eyes, those magazines were reserved for seventeen year olds and more sophisticated women. I did not deserve to buy such a magazine at my young age. I bought them at Shoppers and hid them in my school bag so my mom wouldn't see.
I don't know why I felt so much shame at the time- I guess that's also a reason why I have become so defensive over little things like clothes or why I get suspicious when people just bring up the topic. I guess we all try to search for meaning through the things we love.
Well I got over that whole 'Seventeen magazine is too good for me' in high school and began buying Vogue and InStyle for its suggestions, tips and editorial content. Teen Vogue came out when I was in gr10 and I added that to my monthly expenditure. For $1.5, this is the cheapest magazine you can buy at the drugstore.
I started keeping boxes stashed with cut out pictures and articles: all hidden under my bed. Whenever I finished with a paper, I'd sneak downstairs and throw it in the recycling bin so that my mom wouldnt notice them in my room.
I never really had friends who were interested in fashion until I met Vanessa in gr 10. She was interested insofar as certain designers. She even dressed like a Christian Dior model back in gr11 when geisha costume was the main theme. For her birthday, I bought her a year subscription of Teen Vogue. Yet there really was no one who was as interested as I.
Despite looking at couture in Vogue, still I wore what everyone else was wearing in high school; the whole urban/street/surfer wear with Ecko, Roxie and what have you. I've had my phases of wanting to dress slutty (gr 7) or Guess clothes and paraphernelia. In pictures I wore drawstring pants with white tennis shoes, a denim jacket and some top underneath. Funny.
I discovered Winners in gr 11. As well as clothes, I bought books there too.
Now thinking back I've realized how much my outer self has drastically changed. Sometimes I hate to admit it but it could be the influence of New York.
I discovered Value Village around gr 11 too but never really realized its full potential until about a year ago.
As for magazines, I've stopped buying InStyle because I realized it lacked editorial content (aka big, beautiful photo shoots). Now I've found other places for inspiration and tips.
Another reason for my drastic change in dress (if it can be deemed 'drastic'), was a certain blog I found during the summer. It really did change my perspective on the rigidities of what is beautiful and offered a new take on dress. It was unconventional. I began to appreciate the works of Rei Kawakubo and Hussein Chalayan who were more conceptual designers over wearability. And then I discovered this forum which really did show me the possibilities of dress in all corners of the world: how people dictated fashion in their own countries and how they adopted trends to make it their own.
Is it possible for what I thought was a guilty pleasure, is actually a passion slowly being realized? And yet I refuse to shop in the company of the masculine- I guess it's some really weird defense mechanism. I can never buy things with people who don't shop themselves because it's not enjoyable to do it alone with someone tailing you. I feel bad. You know what, many say/think I am too open on this blog and yet I feel these things are so easy to share because I have to let go. It's something that I've always kept to myself. And yet I find that I can only be truly vulnerable to a person ONLY when I am able to blab about whatever purchase I made today. Isn't that odd? I find the most shallow things in life, the deepest, most intimate part of my self. Which is why I never felt comfortable shopping with my best friend until a couple years ago. And which is another reason why I don't see myself having a boyfriend because I dislike shopping with guys and don't see why I have to drag them into a process of torture (oh yes I've seen them bleary eyed holding bag after bag, stooped on a couch in the twentieth boutique while their girlfriends go try on yet another blouse). I know, it sounds totally absurd but only when you can accept my shallow self (if you can call it that), am I utterly comfortable in a friend's presence.
Being able to admit these past secrets is easy now and yet I cannot even name the name of the forum I am participating in the present. Why do I feel so much shame for what I truly love- or is it love? Is this a real passion? Something more than just to fuel my consumeristic desires? Why is it that I feel so self conscious for wearing the things I wear because I take pride in it yet feel embarrassed to show it (except to grandmothers and older women who seem to really like my clothes- I think I've skipped a few years too many. Perhaps I need to start wearing more teen attire).
One side of me is torn to denounce this shallow love which is why I really have my blog up- to show that I'm not like that. Yet it also has become this barrier and dissuades me from even mentioning about something as small as an umbrella purchase. I just do not want to be seen as a stereotypical fashionista (I hate that word for some reason. It makes me shudder) molded from movies like The Devil Wears Prada. I love that movie because it's so extreme but is brutally honest in some respects. I want people to know that I do care about things more than appearances- that if you cracked the speckled shell, there is a warmth and 'genuineness'. Ironically, my vulnerability lies in my outer self and not my inner self if that makes sense in any way. Perhaps my passion lies within the depths of fashioning and shaping the exterior.
I remember these things so clearly because I saw her, as a girl in her sixth grade buying her first magazine it was a mark of maturity- a rite of passage. She was able to enter in a mystical realm of dazzling faces made up with cosmetics and bodies dripping with silks. But not only that, she was also aware that whichever magazine she chose- those glossy surfaces of gorgeous women gazing back at her, that she would have to pick one that would glorify God. She would have to carry this responsibility of doing what was honorable and right because it would be on her conscience. If this was to be the first magazine she ever bought which would perhaps launch into a habit, it would have to be good in the eyes of her Maker. If she was to enter the world of fashion, she would have to do it in purity and in this choice, knowing that this decision would resonate in her future, the earth and heaven.

In Search for Wool and other random Fashionologies

I want this Alexander McQueen dress but alas it's over $1000..... hm..... time for the sewing machine to work its magic. Haha. Simple design but brilliantly executed.

I really like the Urbana ID bracelet- I'm still wearing mine except my numbers are fading from the shower. :( I think the design and the 'colours' are perfect- how rare is that. Hahah.. I approve of the gold and black: very Napoleanic.
So I'm starting a new sewing project- a 19th century inspired waistcoat for women. Sometimes I think I've really gone off the edge.

Anyway I've been trying to hunt for pure wool the past week or so but it was fruitless because Fabricland and Bouclair tend to sell cheap mixed fibres... so I called up my sewing teacher and she referred me to this store called 'Roma' (no not the garden/tool center).
Long story short, when I got to this dinky little plaza with $40 in my pocket from my dad, I saw this really dismal looking store. Upon entering, a short Italian man in a grey suit asks me how I am (and I stumble out a "fine" because I was only thinking about getting some wool crepe), and then proceeds to show me all his black wool.
The first one he shows me, he points out, is Giorgio Armani fabric.
Oh crap.
This is probably a frickin expensive store; why did she make me come here? I thought $20 would be enough to cover two meters.
Anyway, he quoted me a price: $80 a meter.
CRAP.
Not trying to sound cheap and avoiding the word 'cheap' I asked if he had any other 'possibilities'. He lead me upstairs and then shows me five different variations of black wool crepe ranging from $7-$80. And he didn't even look down on me when I chose the $15/meter.
Anyway, after he cut my two meters, he told me to look around.
So I began to wander around the bolts of fabric (which were all organized by type thank goodness.... you must go to Fabricland and see the mess it is now). In the front they displayed their finest fabrics which came from actual fashion houses. I was literally oggling and touching Versace silks, Pucci sheers and Pierre Cardin shantung.
There were other customers there (Italian women in heels) who were examining ivory silks for a wedding dress (apparently $5000 should cover a good dress.. anything cheaper is bad quality. Yes I was dropping eaves. :P Quote from Samwise Gamgee) and another looking at this gorgeous delicately woven black lace. I just stopped and stared and commented on how beautiful it was (she never heard me). I then heard the price being discussed:
$110 per meter
Omg.
Now I think I can begin to comprehend the price of a designer wear.
I, myself, spent $57 on fabric.

Anyway I decided to pull out my machine for the first time since the summer. Except I had to go through this huge manhunt to find the pedal to the sewing machine. I had this potentially nice Winners skirt I purchased for $10 (rather than $30) and chopped off six inches off the hem to make it more 'youthful'. And I was thinking about it: you never look at the needle itself when the fabric goes through- you place your eye at where you WANT the fabric to go so that it would go smoothly to its desired destination.
Another point: pushing back a problem just creates a larger problem. An example of this is my inability to do sleeves because you must be able to handle the extra fabric to sew perfectly around it. I tend to push the extra fabric to the end until I have this huge hole because I end up with too much fabric to be able to close the loop.
Besides that, I've hemmed it six inches above the knee and my mom was horrified at it's 'shortness'. She's just used to my grandmother lengths. This morning she said to me, "sometimes when you buy stuff from Value Village, it looks really weird until you put it on and match it so that it becomes an entire outfit."

I think that's why I like thrift shopping- it allows me to add my own personal touch and my own artistic creativity to it be it the way I match things up to taking the sewing machine to it. What can I say, I enjoy the process unlike the majority of people. And of course I can profit from people's ignorance. I plan to Ebay the $6 Fendi shoes I found and perhaps the Salvatore Ferragamo ones that are selling for at least $300.
I want to know why God didn't allow the Jews to mix fabrics in Leviticus and Numbers. Clothes had to be made purely out of one material. Why? Was there really a logical reason?

Sigh... I want a job. I want a job in some boutique. The problem I'm facing is that the stores that I CAN work at are places like Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle or Hollister- stores which I do not reflect in the way I dress. And those stores need you to reflect their image of denim and long Henleys and tank tops. Although I don't 'mind' dressing to conform (ironically when I told my mom, she made it sound like I was about to sell my soul to the Abercrombie devil in exchange for a job), I'd prefer to work somewhere where I'd enjoy folding clothes or helping a customer because she is like me in terms of outer self expression. I do not enjoy the Uggs which I've always thought were hideous- they look like bug heads nor the long shirts in various colours paired with a tank top underneath.
However the places I want to work at need candidates to have prior retail experience which I don't have. I was browsing Craigs List and I found this which made my heart skip a beat:

The Paper Bag Princess, Canada Vintage Couture Boutique is seeking an
exceptional boutique manager and part-time sales associate with at least two
years sales and fashion experience. Must be bondable, detailed oriented with a
tremendous work ethic! This is a fast-paced, high profile fashion boutique in
Toronto; therefore all applicants must be well groomed and dedicated to serving
our customers with sophistication and a unique personal style. If it is your
goal to learn everything about the fashion industry as a whole and have dreams
about obtaining your BA in Fashion History then this is the position for you!!!
Fashion students are encouraged to apply, and intern positions are also
available. Applicants must be available to work variable days and hours, Monday,
through Saturday from 11:00 AM through 7:00 PM and occasionally after hours when
necessary. Please do not respond to this email, but rather we prefer that you
visit the boutique personally and drop off your references and resume and set up
a time for a personal interview. This is an hourly wage position, with a rate
commensurate with experience.

Frick. I want this job/internship. I'd work for nothing or minimum wage. Ports 1961 is also hiring but also need experience. Anyway, that's my sad little story. Perhaps I shall go to the store in person and ask them if they could hire me as an intern for the summer. I just got my friend Tanya who goes to Ryerson fashion to take a look at the job. I can live vicariously through her if she decides to apply and get it. HAHA.