Mmmm I guess one person can make a difference.

So our house church is splitting into two. I was sorted into the new group that consists only about five or six people whom I admittedly do not really care to know more. I was contemplating emailing my leader today asking if I could be swapped back to the original group.

But as God would have it, I bumped into the new leader at church and he asked if I was free for lunch after service.

And we just had a really good talk- one I haven't had with any Christian for quite some time. His vision for the future house church and desire to make it a family and not a check list on the agenda, the wish to see members talk more over the leader and yeah... everything he saw it to be I too really wanted and it just gelled together. In that 1.5 hours I was so encouraged to know that I will start looking forward to my Tuesday evenings and to know that I will be talking to friends and not strangers going over sermon questions.

I haven't forgotten, it's my year of favor. Whatever that means by God is good for me.

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As much as I dislike doing the discipleship course on Friday nights, I'm glad that we're forced to memorize Scripture. Memorizing Scripture forces me to really understand what I'm reciting and I realized that it's actually quite easy to memorize verses word for word. Even more so I'm understanding how to silence temptations, doubts and fears by simply reciting verses to counteract those. As our pastor said on Friday, Satan knows that, as Christians, he cannot take away our salvation but he can stop us from being productive and furthering God's kingdom.

I'm writing this down so I don't forget- for the better or for the worse of my psychological and emotional health.

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Two months ago, my company wanted to send me to Korea to cover fashion week again. I wasn't excited at all- rather slightly dreading it. Long story short, I ended up going.

The last time I was there, I didn't get to see the boy (remember?) but I had peace about it. This time I emailed him a week prior to my arrival, I didn't receive a reply back. I guessed he didn't care or was just annoyed.

But being the oxymoronic painfully shy extrovert I am, I called him on Day 2. I was so worried sick that I'd get a negative response that I realized that the more I stressed over it, the more I should just call him just to make myself feel better so I could release all that mental dawdling in my head.

He's surprised, he didn't get my email. Oh well, that's what happens with the Internet. We talk for an hour with a hiccup in the middle when one of our Iphones dced. He calls back. We talk about stuff like how you can get McD's delivered to your door in Korea and how their Shanghai spicy chicken burger really has nothing to do with the city it promotes in its name. He asks me when I'm free. I said on Day 3 I was going to shows and interviews back to back so no can do. How about Day 4? I said I was free after 5:30. He said he was only free before 7pm. Great, it seemed like a replay of last time.
He then asks about my flight schedule on Day 5. 3:15pm I said. He says we could go for brunch before I took the airport shuttle to Incheon. Great I said, text me where to eat.

It's the evening of Day 4. I don't get any text message. I'm all packed by 12am and am determining what to wear the next day. Heels or no heels? Tights or no tights? Blazer or hat? Hair up or hair down? Yeah I'm lame like that. I pay attention to what I wear.
At 12:15 I start talking to God. God, can you remind him to text me. I'm very sleepy but I don't want to text him first. I thought to myself I'd stay up till 1am and then that's it, I was going to bed.
It's 12:45 and I'm just sitting in bed with the Iphone in my hand. Fine, I'll text him to remind him to tell me where to go tomorrow. Right as I was trying to adjust my fingers to the touch screen, the phone buzzes.
Are you sleeping yet?
I start laughing. God doing His last minute thing on me again. Correction: not last minute, perfect timing I guess. I told him not yet. I've dozed off and when I wake it's past 2am. I missed a text message. He says to meet at CGV in Gangnam at 11am for donburi or curry. Ok tourists don't know abbreviated location names but I'll figure it out.

Day 5.
I wake up before my alarm clock. I'm probably just nervous. I start listening to Surrender by Lincoln Brewster as I finish packing.
I find out CGV is a cinema.
Screw it, I'm cabbing to the station because I have one suitcase, three bags and a camera in tow. I realized it was impossible to look fashionable and attractive lugging so much stuff around to meet a boy.

I get there 20 minutes too early and the cab driver doesn't really like me that much for some reason. He's grumpy when I ask for a receipt. I have no idea where CGV is so I call him. It's next to Adidas, he says. Ok I like it when I'm given a shopping locale as a landmark. I find CGV and stand in the front, taking photos of the city. It's clear, bright and brisk with a cool breeze. 15 degrees and sunny. Perfect.

He calls me and asks me where I am. He's standing in front of the cinema but so am I. I told him that he couldn't miss me as I am carrying so many bags. He says he sees me, I turn around and see him. He's wearing a black 'leather' jacket- asymmetrical zipper with a draped collar, a brim wool hat, jeans and a pair of dress shoes in gray purple. He's carrying a white leather backpack. It's different from the boxy tan one he was carrying the first day I met him three years ago. He looks the same- my foggy memory just came back into focus, a crystal clear picture of a memory that's been shuttled around in my mind too long.

He takes my suitcase and I take the bags. We walk into the little streets of Gangnam and he shows me some nice cafes. He asks if I want donburi. Problem was that it opened in 30 minutes- too late for someone who needs to take a plane out. We go to two more restaurants, same answer. My shopping bag breaks so now I'm holding it like an oversized, oversized clutch bag in the most clumsiest fashion. We end up at some random Korean restaurant for chicken. I didn't even see the menu, he orders for us both. When we talk, he often looks away- I can't tell if that's force of habit or he's just nervous. While I was nervous before, I feel very at ease- it's what happens to me often when I make presentations- I feel some strange confidence existing in the now than just worrying about the unknown future. Anyhow.
By now we're talking about more random things like how he doesn't think Jessica of SNSD is attractive whom I photographed on the runway and how women who just got plastic surgery done would use their arms as shields from swinging limbs in a cramped elevator. He laughs at my vintage block of a cell phone I use in Hong Kong. I talk about the runway shows and how the coffee sponsors didn't serve cream and sugar with their coffee so I had to drink it black every day. We talk about home and travel. He says living in Korea is ok, but not the best. But Vancouver has no prospects either and NYC doesn't feel like home without family. It's odd but if I inserted Hong Kong instead of Korea and Toronto for Vancouver, we both have the same problem. He tells me that he doesn't want a roommate but at the same time he doesn't want a roommate. He wants his family to move to Seoul or that perhaps it's time to get married.
He asks why I'm not eating much, I tell him I'm not really hungry. Truth is is that my stomach is just full of anticipation. We decide to skip the rice and get the check. He gets up to pay. I ask him how much it was though I already knew. W 28,000. He says he doesn't know the price and that he's bad with numbers as he pockets the receipt. Thank you. He continues to talk about how he was terrible at calculus and that he always wanted to ask the prof the practical application of these formulas. I said he should because I bailed out of calculus as soon as I found out design school didn't require me to take it.

He carries my suitcase down a narrow staircase to the main road. Later on I find out just how heavy my luggage is stuffed with runway books, magazines and a computer. He says that he'll take me to his favorite bakery- one that's been around for 30 years. There's a ton of ajimas sitting inside talking avidly. It reminds me of a Western style Chinese bakery- ones like Maxims or Lucullus. He asks me what I like. Probably not sweet huh? I ask him what is he talking about, I bake, of course I like sweet! He gets me the cheesecake one and I pick two more. He picks a croissant stuffed with sweet potato. He pays for it and stuffs the sweet potato one in his backpack and carries the bag and suitcase in tow. To the bus and to the airport shuttle station.

To my disappointment, the bus arrives as soon as we get to the station. We take it and start talking about how Korea doesn't have Ikea and reminisce about how one has to think of inventive ways to stuff an extra human being with all the furniture in the trunk leaking over into the passenger seats. He says he wants to visit HK and perhaps one day live there. Yeah right.

We see the airport bus stop on the side of the road. What, already?? Time needs to slow down for a minute because it always seems to be on schedule when I least want it to be. He asks the bus driver when he will leave and translates to me that the driver said 2 minutes before 1pm, no more no less. It's 12:35. There's a Cafe Ediya nearby and he takes me there. He gets a mint chocolate 'flaticinno' and I get a cafe latte. He pays again. We sit down, he says feels awkward that he's the only guy in the cafe. I point out the old man at the cashier. He says he doesn't count. He amuses over the chalkboard painting next to us and find out it's actually pretending to be a chalkboard painting- it's really acrylic on canvas. It looks like a connect the dots or a paint by numbers. It's a line drawing of the Eiffel Tower in abstract style. He says he's tempted to finish it but it looks quite cute.

It's time to go. In front of the bus I thank him for everything and give him a hug. I have to tiptoe. I have to tiptoe. What a strange feeling! Lol. He tells me he started to use Facebook again and to keep in touch. Yeah, Facebook.

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If you think I'm crazy, yeah I think so too. The fact is that I've been praying for two and a half years for essentially came in the form of two hours. A part of me thinks it's just a tease and ridiculous- I mean we're always on the move and on the go. I don't know if this is just a demise I've set myself up for brutal disappointment. People often ask why I like him so much. My interpreter at the show saw a photo of him and said she could introduce me to someone better- 6'2" guy who has been scouted over five times by modeling agencies. I don't know- I've just never met that incredible mix of ideals, background and appreciation for similar things (it also helps that he's taller). You know how people would say, "he would be perfect if ___" but when I see him, to me, he fulfills every facet be it spiritual/physical/emotional/mental.
The point of the painstakingly 'pointless' record of details was to illustrate that the small things matter. To me, the small things speak volumes of someone's character. He carried my luggage without me asking at all whereas my aunt had to tell my socialite guy cousin to get out of the car to take me to the airport train booth to buy my ticket. He gets out and heads in while I'm gathering my stuff. My aunt then calls out to him to help me with my suitcase.
You can tell which ones came from a life of privilege from those who went through much hardship through their actions. The ones who are sensitive to other people's needs often have a history of some family issues where they were forced to step up in a leadership position.
Anyhow beyond that what next? I don't know, I guess I should speak to God about it all. What I tried to plan for fell through, what I did not plan, God made happen.


I'm giving you my heart,
and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of You my King

Giving you my dreams
I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life.