The Inkwell Runs Dry

One thing I'm curious about going to Urbana is to see whether I could find teenagers/young adults who are seeking a profession in fashion.
I've met some at my school but either I'm not really friends with them or they call themselves Christians and drink, party and mess around with guys. They really confuse me.
Apparently we get to choose workshops to go to based on our interests and our major and when I first heard about this, I was mentally laughing because rarely is the realm of fashion seen as an opportunity for ministry.
But I think it can have a huge impact on the masses. Mass production, fast fashion, sweatshop labour, Made in China, chain stores: all these are associated with this industry involve millions of people both in production and consumption.
It would be awesome to find someone like me though. Someone who not only is knowledgable in the industry but someone who wants to do something about the state and condition of this world.
China and India are the countries that all nations are looking to in the environmental sense because their exponential growth will determine the fate of this world. Not joking. Read the Toronto Star.

Anyway, I'm at a lack of any deep thoughts. It really sucks because I'd love to share but I have nothing to give. I've just been reading my old posts back this summer and I'm a little astonished how open/honest/blunt I was with some things both in personal thoughts and shallow things. The more I read, the more I hate my writing style.
I think I shall watch Good Will Hunting again. hehehe. Enlighten me please, Robin Williams.

Blog Woes

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

Why is my blog layout so messed up. It seems that even managing one of their GIVEN templates is harder than the one I had before. Why is my profile and archives all the way at the bottom? -_- Blogger hates me- I couldn't post for two days because there were some errors which really pissed me off because I felt stifled.
So today this guy named Joe Dallas came to speak at our weekend Homosexuality conference which I did not attend but Robyn and friends did. He struggled with homosexuality which I think makes him far more credible than any pastor because he's easier to relate to. Anyway, cool fact, apparently the word 'sanctuary' in Hebrew is derived from the word 'asylum' which originally meant 'refuge'. Cool eh. Word evolution.
He made a really eye opening comment today: in our prayer groups, we always ask for people to 'pray for my exams', pray for my family who is sick- all good things but do we openly ask people to "pray for my struggle against pornography". No. And I guess it's because there's still that veil- a distrust between Christians which leads to the brokenness of the church.
It was something he called The Silent Compromise if each individual struggles with sin, it weakens the church and not just the self. It weakes the credibility and impact of the church.
Every resistance is an act of worship.
He also gave an interesting quote,
Those who want to win the world for Christ must have the courage to come into conflict with it.
-Titus Brandsma, died in concentration camp for his Anti Fascist views during WW2

But honestly, I still don't feel like I could confide totally in a person with an issue. I'm quite open with most people- I mean this blog is just an example of that but with even more personal things which I choose not to reveal here, I don't think there is anyone who would accept it. There are so many things I'd like to say at times and just don't know how or are too afraid to say anything.
I really want to talk to someone about Urbana but whenever I seem to bring it up, I either get a lack of response or an automatic answer about how great it is and to pray about it. And my reasons for not going seem very foolish- some high maintenance issue I have.
Ironically, I am very private about the things that usually people don't care about. My roommate mentioned to me that I switch off my music as soon as she enters the room and she tells me it's really weird. I do it because I usually don't like it when she has her music on without earphones and I just like keeping my music preferences to myself. Random things like that.

Anyway, so yesterday Robyn's parents came to New York for a day and we went for korean food and then said goodbye and bought boxes of ice cream mocci and coconut ice cream in coconut shells. We basically invaded Jessica's all-male next door neighbour's living room and sat there watching Bridget Jones's Diary and ate ice cream. HAHA.
My parents also sent them a ton of stuff to give to me including Pocky, a kitchen cleaver, potato peeler, drainer for veggies, a mini cheesecake tin, all my sewing books, magazines, newspaper articles, cookies, instant noodles, cds, dvds, and muffin/cake mix. :)

My mom also has been emailing me. She told me about this gr3 girl, who has a brother in gr5, she teaches in Sunday school at RHCCC who just lost her mother in June from cancer. She now fears that her dad will remarry. To her, Cinderella seems so incredibly real to her. Her birthday was in August so my mom gave her a few toys and a card and when she visited them a few days ago, she had the card out on display. Apparently it was very hard on her because though she wanted a party for her birthday, most of her friends had gone away for the summer. They've matured a lot since then. When I read the story, it just really moved me and I just cried because I could never fully understand the pain of a gr3 girl and I just feel so sorry for her. Not pitifully but in an empathetic way.

On the other hand, my former roomie who told us about her roomie who had a one night stand while drunk without protection, and contracted an STD. She was relatively lucky and got a less serious one where she just has to take medication but it could lead to infertility. Me and Bonnie did not feel sorry for her at all. Initially when I heard the news, I was secretly pleased and was glad all three of us felt the same way so it doesn't seem like I'm some cold hearted person without an ounce of moral fibre. :P Yeah she had to learn the consequences of her actions and hopefully will be less reckless in the future.

Is everyone really busy? I feel so disconnected from everyone unlike the summer. :(
I want to write more but my embroidery looms over me and I must finish. Posts later.

Quick Post

So this is the beginnings of a pair of lotus shoes I'm making for this garment class. All this embroidery (through experimentation) took me about 10 hours to do. I must say, self taught, this is not a bad start. Yep and I still have another shoe to do and they're due this Wednesday. Sam is so screwed.
More tomorrow.

China Dreams

The more I research and read news and articles on China's rising power while global fashion houses flock there to reap in the six figure profits, the more excited I am for the future:

However, trading in China, India and Russia is not without risk.
Jacques Carles is among a wide range of experts who believe French and Italian fashion houses will pay dearly for their arrogant assumption that they have a natural monopoly on good taste.
He says China and India will produce their own designers and their own labels within 20 years, providing competition for the European groups.
At present, Asian visitors come to Paris and Milan to buy Vuitton or Hermes bags. But by 2025, European women will be buying Chinese or Indian bags, Carles says.
He believes big names such as Gucci, Chanel, and Yves Saint Laurent could be pushed aside in the same way that famous Bordeaux and Burgundy wines have lost out to New World vineyards.
"We are navel gazing," he said. "There is a certain arrogance in the way we look at the Chinese and the Indians. We think that all they can do is copy us. But this is a big mistake. They have everything going for them."

http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/worldbiz/archives/2004/12/10/2003214537

Touche. Take that Karl Lagerfeld! And hopefully I will be there when it happens.

Perhaps I'm looking at things too simplistically but there are so many things I see going on that are in my favour. Binhai, a part of Tianjin very near Beijing, is revolutionizing their industries by enforcing strict laws to keep it environmentally friendly. And now with a new financial experimental zone set up there, it hopes to become the economic hub of China. Hm....

But as China grows exponentially every year, I'm praying that they'll do it right and not conform to all Western ideals. It alarms me a little how fast they are growing and I'm afraid the government will employ a 'quick fix' answer to every issue that it encounters. I'm speaking mostly about the environment and landmarks and historical artifacts that still exist today which are quickly depleting. The one main example I could give is the Three Gorges Dam which was created to meet the demands for power (and this is controversial because it is CLEAN energy which eliminates the pollution problem) but because of industrial 'progress', thousands of acres of historical buildings and artifacts were destroyed.

I honestly have to start learning my own language now. I'm quite embarrassed by the fact that I claim myself to be Chinese yet can't speak it at all. This is going to be hard. I remember my mom gave up on me in gr2 after I had problems memorizing and writing the word 'flower'. Why why why didn't you push me mom like you pushed me in swimming? Now I can swim very well but I can't write my own name.

You're the centre of the universe,
Everything was made in You.

Regarding the Pain of Others

Horrifying isn't it?
In our body lecture we discussed the morality and the functionality of war photography- regarding the pain of others. Is it voyeuristic? Does war photography serve to do anything for good or for bad?
Do we look at these pictures and feel sympathetic for these people but secretly are pleased with ourselves because we feel that that there is a moral fibre in our being. This reassures us that we are human and that we have morally fulfilled our duties. But does it do anymore? World Vision and other non profit organizations flashes images of starving children, crying and bleeding babies and yet we look at them, feel bad and go on.
Does war photography enlighten us? Does it do more than just entertain us?
The function of war photography serves us in multiple ways: show as evidence so we may never forget, educate us on the rest of the world, incite us into action (donating, missions). On the other hand it can glorify and show patriotism or provoke an emotional response which can be good or bad.
The issue that lies within this war photographer, James Nachtwey, is that he makes something horrible look aesthetically beautiful. This is what we call realism vs aestheticism.
If photographing the pain of others is rendered into something beautiful, and artistic- is that just?
And as for the viewer, is it right to witness the pain of others? Or are we objectifying victims? Art transforms. Photography bears witness and 'beautiful' war photographs can be perceived as too aesthetic.

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful and rare.
-Mulan

I had a good church service today. It was on the doctrine of Man and the two different view points of human nature both positive and negative. He focused on Psalm 8 (which is apparently equivalent to Genesis 1:26) where Man is praised as being above all of earth and created in the image of God- that all things are under his feet. 'Man' in Hebrew encompasses both man and woman. He broke it down to three subpoints:
1) The idea that we are created in the image of God has Psychological Implications
-Secular culture is based on self esteem (works, value, accomplishments)
But Science has no basis for our human value if we did come from the theory of evolution.
2)Sociological Implications
(all I wrote down was poverty, racism)
3)Spiritual Implication
Sense of self worth cannot be from self. We always have to seek outer sources for self worth. He even spoke about watching the ultimate female movie: Bridget Jones' Diary. LOL. It was great. He said that she concluded that she alone could build her own self esteem and thought about this, and said it was impossible. And if all those things are taken away from you, you lose yourself.
(Cliche stuff but it sounded new due to the way he structured it)

On the flip side we examined the negative aspects of human nature with Psalm 14:2-3:

The LORD looks down from heaven
on the sons of men
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.
3 All have turned aside,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.

He spoke about Calvinists vs Armenians and how he was convinced that the Calvinist viewpoint was the way to go (I'm ignorant on both) and how not one single person seeks God just for God; that there was always a motive behind it.
-The human heart is incapable by itself: Outside source of regeneration and power is required.
-All human morality is based on selfishness for power. Fear and pride is the motivation of our existence (dude I even wrote and thought about this in earlier entries)
-Some sociologists believe that Man is essentially good but is corrupted under social conditions. e.g. Nazis were influenced by Hitler and his ideologies therefore were turned into 'monsters'. But in believing they were 'sub human' are we not acting just as they were?
Sorry he said this point so fast I didn't jot much down.

The ultimate answer is Hebrews 2:6

Yeah that made no sense but I wanted to keep it for my own personal use.

We wrap our lives around Your life.

The Toilet God Hates Me. :P

So we had a toilet escapade which I was the culprit to with our really thick toilet paper though I use it sparingly. It then got stuck and basically we had no plunger (ironic thing was that I saw one today at Chinatown but didn't think I really needed it) so we tried putting dish detergent in it to make it more lubricated and hopefully aid in sliding whatever was stuck down there to move. We also used a wire hanger and pushed it down the drain to poke at whatever was stuck inside. After five rounds of dish detergent and toilet cleaner our toilet was sparkling clean but useless. I finally sucked up the courage to ask our neighbour who wasn't home. I then went to our mean superintendent who wasn't home. And then went back down to our other neighbour who wasn't home. Well. I guess we're the only losers in New York who actually stay at home on Saturday nights.
So I called Robyn and thank goodness she had one. My roommate and I ran downstairs in our pjs with hoodie and coat and ran back with this plunger which was new so the plastic was very stiff. Finally Bonnie yells "I give up!" after several rounds of plunging when we heard the rush of water gurgling down the drain.
Of course it works when you finally decide to give up. That whole ordeal ate up two hours.
Yeah so lesson of the day is: buy a plunger.
Thing to be grateful for: a cousin who lives a few blocks away who owns a plunger.

Let Them Eat Cake// Grades

Chinatown's largest Asian goods store (ironically it's more in Soho than Chinatown). Something I snapped while browsing for SCHOOL stuff and not for pleasure. I heard a teenage couple whispering to each other that even "asian people shop here." -_-


SO I saw Marie Antoinette! We bought tickets the night before and got there an hour early. Being the psychotic Rocaill (I learnt that the term 'Rococo' is not correct), fashion kids we are- we dressed in full regalia poised to get ridiculed since it's very near Halloween. Top hat, long opera gloves, cupcakes and cookies (yes though Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' we had to bring them anyway) and all, we waited in line for an hour and discovered that people didnt see the line since it was hidden behind a wall, started waiting in front of hte doors 15 minutes before it started. Bonnie and I got slightly miffed (okay it was more than that) and so Bonnie said loudly "excuse me we were here an hour early!" and pushed our way to the front of the line. So we ended up getting first dibs on seats.
Okay so my movie review:
Stunning set (come on it's Versailles)
Gorgeous costumes
Sumptuous food
It was a very slow movie- it did not show any of the execution. It's as if Sophia Coppola wanted to just shoot a pretty movie. They concentrated on some birthday party of hers for ages and the affair she had with this guy but treated it like some sidenote. You wanted to feel for her but you couldn't. We had the 'protaganist' if you could call her that, yet we are never shown the antagonist because we don't see the peasants until the very end when they're storming the palace. And even then it is only a brief shot of the general crowd- you don't connect with the poverty that they live in. There is no contrast between the luxurious lifestyle of the rich and the starving poor. Even though it's shot in the point of view of Marie Antoinette which is perhaps why we never saw the people and poverty, you could then conclude that her life was pretty bland despite all the lavishness. She partied and died. I too got bored of watching her party, sleep and eat all day. The movie was just entertaining and comedic at many times- the social awkwardness between her and the king and it was funny to see how many people were in her room while she dressed (at least twenty).
Oh and some of the music was too imposing and loud and did not suit the mood.
It's just an eye candy movie- nothing else.

So I received the dreaded History, Culture, Society 1 exam back.
I got a 96.
Except I'm not really jumping for joy.
There were 7 A's, 3 B's and 6 C's so obviously a lot of people did well. Apparently he's the hardest teacher, he doesn't seem like it anymore.
Although this is probably the highest mark I have ever received, I didn't really study that much for it- perhaps two hours. But that's about it. I had about 60 terms to remember from Egyptian to High Renaissance in terms of dress. We were given a take home question to write an essay on and then were given several slides on the day of and we had to identify them and write five points each and the last two sets of slides was a comparison. And then we had to write another essay based on a reading we did.
Yeah I am grateful and pleased with the mark but honestly I find art history tests doesn't have the same wow factor as say a sci or a math exam. I guess it's a double edged sword but if you solve some brilliant calc problem at the end of the test, wow you're genius. There was this one slide we got of the interiors of a cathedral and all it showed was the stained glass. I had no idea how to connect this with the history of dress so I wrote down things I learnt the previous years about gothic architecture and how it connects to the body form and stupid things I learnt about rosette windows and how the state and church were the central of the city back in those days.
I got full marks for it but I thought it was really a bunch of 'BS' on my behalf.

But on Thursday my Body discussion teacher came into class and told us she had to hand back some responses some of the class did on the topic of Sex 1: Coercion, Marriage etc, and that she got some really interesting ones this week- even one on love and romance (which I'm guessing she was hinting at mine). I basically built this entire paper on Voddie Bauchnam and wrote about how I disagreed with this feminist who said those who believed that marriage could exist 'are stupid'. And when I got my paper back she wrote that it was 'an extremely refreshing view on love and marriage. I liked the idea that love is the 'foundation of all relationships'. I thought the latter sentence was a little odd because aren't all relationships (in marriage at least) supposed to be based on love? She also wrote an interesting comment that perhaps that being truly in love is the lived body rather than just having a body. And it spurred some thought on my behalf and now I realize even more the crappiness of mind-body dualism.
We talked about having, living and being a body. The first is mind centred, the second is body centred and the last is the unification of both which is your ideal state.
'Falling in love' is itself evidence of having or living a body where either the body or mind as utter control and not both simultaneously.
My teacher is awesome- she's so incredibly intelligent (one classmate pointed out she's a pool/fountain of knowledge) and combines all these readings together to form deeper themes and issues. I like this class a lot.

Anyway I have to go to bed.

Kissing in the Rain: Kairos & Divine Madness

Photo of the beginning sketch of one rainboot

The greatest catastrophe that any artist would dread to face is the loss of creativity and imagination. The one fundamental characteristic that drives him or her to work is the creation and realization of an idea.

In a sense, I have lost that. Sometimes I doubt this system. This system of going to school where we measure time by semesters- it's ridiculous. How can I create a product within a course of four months that would benefit the women in Kosovo and make a niche within the Weestern market? There simply is not enough time to fully flesh out such ideas- they'll be abandoned once Christmas rolls around and we all get our grades. "At least we got two credits." Time should be one long flowing fluid stream- not cut up and broken into pieces. We think in such small terms- semesters, holidays, schedules, weekends, weeks, months, days etc.

So I've lost this desire to create- that is- to create at my own will. Parsons has basically out drawed me, out- inspired me and sucked all the love I had for art and made it into something I dread. It takes effort for me to doodle now- I can't simply daydream and allow my mind and hand to wander across the page. I try to sit and think and I can't draw.

So it came as a revelation to me the other day when my mom insisted that I buy a pair of rainboots come November when New Yorkers must fight their way through immense pools of city water. Last year my jeans were constantly soaked to the knee but I was adamant in buying a pair of galloshes. Of course being who I am, I didn't want just any pair of rainboots because they're associated with gardening and trudging in mud. Here in New York, they come in forms of cowboy boots, they come with patterns such as polka dots, army print, floral shapes, stripes, and wedge heels. Nine West recently just collaborated with a designer called Thakoon to create a shiny black rainboot with a lace print on it and is now selling for $75 (I think).

But I didn't want to spend a great amount of money on a pair yet I wanted one that would stand out compared to all the other colourful ones out there. So I went to Ricky's and purchased a pair of standard black rainboots for $39.99 (cheapest that I've come across- they overcharge you here):

Personally I find them too utilitarian looking. So that same night, I took out my paints which I discovered had all dried up. :( I found my misplaced paintbrushes and took a brush to it- freeform. And the more I painted, the more I got into it. I'd feverishly paint and not do my readings for class. All I could think of was painting my boots. I guess this was what Plato meant by 'divine madness' which is found in musicians and artists alike- uncontrolled and uncoerced. I guess this was my imagination and creative drive in kairos- painting rainboots. Lol. When I was doing homework, all I could think was painting. When I was in my lecture class discussing Regarding the Pain of Others (will blog more about this later because it's really interesting), I sat there and opened my sketchbook and actually doodled out ideas for the other boot. My sketchbook is not really a sketchbook. I admire all those people who actually draw in their sketchbook. But how I come across ideas is by writing. So my entire sketchbook are lengthy ramblings in cursive as to how I could approach a project with a different perspective and idea. There are hardly any drawings much to the disappointment of my peers who sometimes ask if they could see my sketchbook.

My inspiration and creative drive was contagious: I got my roommate into it and the other night we both sat down with our boots and painted and watched Kamikaze Girls (I think I've 'watched' it about 8 times now- seriously). We stayed up till 4am that night painting away. We were both inspired by this one scene where the narrator saw this Lolita dress on display in a shop window and the mannequin suddenly points a pistol at her and shoots the girl. "The 'old me was slain. And I was reborn." We both thought it was such a clever scene, that I painted the mannequin with the gun and the first sentence of that phrase while she painted herself dead on her boot and the latter part of the quote. So now we both have kick butt rainboots:

Sing Praise: The Physical Problems of Worship

Everyone loves music. I have not met a person who has denied hating music.
You can despise visual arts or chuff at the glittery facades of fashion, but everyone takes comfort within different genres of music.
I love worship music. If I were ever told to sing a song on the spot, the only songs I know or could sing are worship songs. If I sing to myself, they're always worship songs. I guess it's because the only time or reason I'd ever sing would be during worship.
They also comfort me in times of despair or give me hope when I'm stressed and disappointed. The enlighten me and make me realize something about life that I never thought of before, they make me more attune with God, art and the world we live in.
The church we're attending is quite 'radical' in terms of worship. The first time I attended, I watched as all these people would just raise their hands and jumping while singing (only seen within Christian events like AFC or TC, NOT in normal worship- that is Chinese services usually) and when we were asked to pray, people would yell out their prayers. Once we were split into two sides and told to face each other while singing which I found very awkward. This time there was one line in a song where it said "Lift your hands and spin around" or along those lines and the pastor comes up to the front and told us to take it literally. He made the worship team play it several times while we shuffled around in circles with our hands in the air.
And I thought "how often do we engage our body into worship when we're singing?"
We often think that the 'falling on our knees' or the 'raise our hands' or the dancing within songs is some far off symbolic interpretation of what is actually supposed to be a bodily and physical engagement of our body in worship.
If we are told to worship God with our heart, soul, mind: does that not encompass the body as well? So why do we hold back and restrain ourselves? I guess we're all self conscious and hold ourselves back from displaying any sort of physical movement that seems beyond the norm. It is a cultural thing but it should not be the reason why we hold back for we're all part of the body of Christ- all worshiping the same God with everything that we have. When I observe the people around me worshiping full heartedly and expressing themselves through gestures and forgetting everyone else, it draws me to them.
When one asks "why do you not clap your hands in worship?" and the other responds "because I'm really worshiping in my head- you can't see it," this seems to be a minor example of mind-body dualism. The mind and body should be as one so as our worship should unify us with other Christians and God.

Thoughts and a Sermon

The bohemian French restaurant I was at last week. A snapshot of the bar and its customers.


The more I learn about design, the more I understand how impossible it is for us to have come from the randomness of nothing. We watched this 3D computer video of the development of a baby from when the egg was fertilized to its conception and it occured to me that pro choice people like to argue that the embryo is not a human until several weeks later. Therefore the woman can abort the 'thing' inside of her since it's not human yet.
When I do a study of a nude woman and start with circles to represent the head, chest, hips and knees and a line to represent the spine, is it not 'evolving' into a human? Though it is only shown through a series of geometric shapes, someone looking at the artist draw cannot say "that is not a human." You cannot say to the artist "what you are drawing is not a human." Oh yes it is, because I am the creator therefore I define it as a human. I don't make sense.


Anyway, today I actually stayed awake during the entire church service and I think it was largely due to the fact we sat five rows in the front and the pastor was standing right in front of us. He focused his sermon on 'The Knowledge of God' and took apart Psalms 139 which I know by heart since I had to memorize it when I was little. Then, it had little meaning, now it means a lot more. He first started off with talking about doctrine and the doctrine of God which everyone, in some point of their life, must confront. Anyway he breaks down the chapter into four parts:
1. From verses 1-6 we see that God has inescapable knowledge (O Lord you have searched me and you know me)
2. David then continuse to write about God's inescapable presence (Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?)
3. Inescapable power (even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you)
4. Inescapable justice: v19-24 (search me and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts; see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting)


Everyone knows the famous verse 13:
For you created me my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.


Then it goes on in verse 16,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained to me were written in your book,
before one of them came to be.


Now the key words are 'my unformed body' which, according to this guy Derek Hidner (no idea who he is), wrote that in Hebrew those three words are a single word which translates to embryo.
I thought that was pretty interesting.


Other interesting notes on the sermon was verse 6-7,
Your knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
The Hebrew translation was apparently really vague but boiled down to the word 'overwhelming'.
How precious are your thoughts O God, how vast is the sum of them! v17
The word 'precious' which is lost within the English translation, refers to the value of jewelry--> ultimate wealth.

Basically the entire sermon was on how we all want to desperately be known and seen yet we're conflicted by the fear of being known and seen. And we want to be known simply to be loved.
What I got out of the sermon/Bible passage was how David, at the beginning of the Psalm, bluntly tells us that God knows him inside and out (v1: O Lord, you have searched me and you know me). I don't know about you, but he seems a little exasperated when he tells us God is everywhere even he is on the wings of the dawn or on the farthest corner of the sea. Yet at the end of the passage he realizes that he cannot escape God and asks Him to examine his heart and ways.

Urbana: decisions, dreams and difficulty

Picture taken on the outskirts of Central Park looking at the pigeons perched on a traffic light.

There are always those times in life that just roll by when you have to make difficult decisions.
The most outstanding ones in my life was deciding to return to Toronto from HK (which at the time I wanted to just stay but I came back) and when I decided to go to Parsons, NY.
And in between have come the smaller decisions- not as heart tugging or difficult- but still have some resonance in what may come.
This time it has to do with the decision between going to Urbana the supposedly 'life changing conference for christians' and remaining at home. I brushed it off before because I remember they told me we could 'network' with other people in your major/studies but I already doubt there will be any fashion majors. Also they said you could learn to grow in Christ through this conference but I doubted (and still do) that it's a thing you SHOULD go to in order to grow spiritually deeper. As it is, I feel that I am already maturing in many facets of my life: perhaps not refined or Christ-like enough but I'm getting there.
To be honest, the only reason why I'd want to go to Urbana would be to bond with people. The reason why I want to stay home is also to bond and spend time with my family and on top of that, since Tania is going to Ottawa for her coop term, I'd only see her once if I did go on the trip.
So you could say it's either:
1) Growing spiritually and bonding with people in Urbana
2) Spending time with family and best friend and other groups of friends


I know people tell me that it's a great way to grow in Christ and that it'd be a life changing experience since it's a once every three years. I know the whole thing on 'Put God first' but what about family and friends? By not going to Urbana, is that showing what I value in life and all my priorities? But I feel like I've lost so much time with my family and friends because I chose to move so far away.
See, for me, this is a harder decision than for me to decide whether or not to go abroad. I already found out I can actually go abroad through another school like NYU and they actually have a program in Shanghai. What the heck would I do in Shanghai? Er- since I'll be done all my U-lecs (university lectures-I'm only required to take two in my four year program and my counselor, for some reason, decided to pile them all on me within one semester) so I probably have to take some more liberal arts since they don't offer design courses. I'd also like to take an internship and my focus is on getting one at the China Vogue. I know, as you can see, I still maintain those childlike beliefs and imagination. How the heck would I get an internship? I have no idea. What if they need an interview? I don't have a clue. And by the way, I'd have to take a crash course in Mandarin or something- I can't even speak Cantonese perfectly or read and write! But yeah, going abroad is no brainer- except I'd have MANY MANY things to take care of like subletting my apartment, phone services, bank accounts, credits for school, moving things, packing things- omg that's going to be HELL.
Anyway, to most people, I seem to be making a big deal out of nothing. The truth is is that I'm tired. I'm tired of moving. Although I am contradicting myself by subjecting myself to going abroad- how ironic. It's totally different in a sense because I don't call New York my home. It's a place I'm just living in. Paris will never be home nor will Tokyo if I decide to go there abroad. But just thinking about flying on Dec 22 back home and then five days later, flying down to St Louis and then flying back up is just mentally and psychologically taxing. Ever since I returned to New York, I have been looking forward to Christmas. I live, every day, knowing that I'm one step closer to going home. Dont' get me wrong, I'm enjoying my stay here, but there's something so comforting about being home. Those blue garage doors and the Japanese maple. The quiet streets lit by lamp posts. I can just smell my house- its unforgettable scent that is so unique to this house. All the porcelain creatures to every sofa and painted wall has its history marked so deep within me- just a fleck in the grand scheme of things but an impression nevertheless. I remember every little story of our painted walls when I was still in grade 8 and we got them redone. I remember repainting my own room because I thought the Chinese painters were retarded for forcing me to choose a 'softer colour' and I thought they were the professionals but I guessed wrong. It's just those details I remember that makes up my house which makes up my history in Toronto. It's the house I remember growing up in, leaving and then returning and realizing how different I saw the world when I left it. I left to HK in gr3 and came back five years later and wondered why the house seemed to have shrunk.


If there's one good thing I like about being me, is that I have not lost that childhood sense of wonder and creativity and imagination. I'm just very attune to my senses because I guess I need them every day at school. The sad thing is, is that I couldn't multiply 0.4 and 78 together by hand. Now that is scary and quite humiliating to admit and I don't dare to ask people like my mother because she'll seriously freak out on me. She's done it before.
Oh wait, I just did it. I must have been hallucinating different answers this morning.
I really need to take a business course.

Thoughts.

There are many good fathers in this world. How can you tell? They are the ones who when are gone, the home falls apart. Those who constantly search for you when you are lost and alone. Who loves you even before you were even born. But the best thing about being a father is that he can reassure her that she is a good mother.


I paraphrased from one of the Desperate Housewives episodes- yeah I'm on a binge as you can see; some sort of marathon. It was a very sweet ending. There was one line narrated at the end where Bree's funeral for her husband takes place: "One thing that humans were not designed for is loneliness." It reminds me of a certain book. Amen.


It's funny to see how people respond to different situations.
Two weeks ago my roomie wanted to make a tiramisu for a visiting friend (who never came) so we went out to get ingredients at 9pm at night. It rained and we were walking back to our apartment when a taxi was coming our way.
And for a second, I knew what was going to happen.
And we both got splashed and soaking wet from a nearby puddle.
My first reaction was of shock and then amusement because I just thought it was such a comical thing to happen only in comedy films and comics. My roomie on the other hand took it differently and started screaming- startling a woman and her baby in a stroller- and kept repeating the F-word and how her hair was messed and how terrible she looked. I had to remind her we were going back home and it was only me who was going to see her for the rest of the night.


It's funny how ironic life can be- even to the smallest of things. After class today I went to deposit a rebate check from Epson and bought cereal on sale and decided, since I haven't bought anything the past several weeks, got a dress for $25.
Tonight my roomie, who has not done laundry since returning to NY, decided to go downstairs to clean all her dirty clothes especially her precious load of dresses which included her prom dress (can be worn casual) and a slew of other summer ones. When she came upstairs from the dryer, her entire load of clothes had shrunk so that her knee socks fit her ankles.
And that scream of hers- she went inside the bathroom and started yelling at her mom in Korean about her clothes and I could hear her crying hysterically for about 40 minutes.
I find it hard to be sympathetic at times and even harder to console people (depending on situation that is). I understand that having some of her clothes shrink so that they don't fit correctly can be 'devastating' if it has sentimental attachments to it. But in the end, they're just clothes. So I sat there watching Desperate Housewives and tried to place myself in her shoes (which would have killed me since all she wears are three inch heels) trying to think of some article of clothing that I would have a cry fest over if it shrunk. Haha. And I really cannot think of anything beucase all those that I would cry over are all dry clean. :P
See I would be devastated if I ruined my grandmother's wedding shirt (I already did mess it up a little) or this one particular coat.
But I did feel bad for her and it occured to me perhaps I should return the dress I bought today and got a gift card and gave it to her tomorrow. Now wouldn't that be a nice gesture.
Except she just told me her mom said she could buy new clothes so I really don't need to, and I'm not afraid to admit I have my own selfish purposes. :P This was my reward for surviving the horrors of my midterm week (which still apparently have not ended due to a new paper I have to write on Foucault).
Although I don't believe in 'relativity', I sometimes really do feel like the more masculine persona in this friendship/roomie relationship of ours. She wakes at 8am to get ready for a 9pm class (takes us five minutes to get to class) and I wake at 8:25 and manage to still eat breakfast. I'm very low maintenance compared to her- she always wears a tightly drawn corset to give her that little indent at the waist so she has to lace herself up in the morning, straightens her bangs with a hair straightener, applies on a ton of makeup and dons her outfit that she chooses the night before. She told me that her mom asked her why she was so worked up over her shrunken clothing and my roomie replied that all she loved to do every day was to dress up pretty.
And that's why I'm so worried about being suckered back into that life. So far I've been coping well by constantly having to reassure myself that these things will pass. Cliche as it sounds, I tell myself that the tangible can't fulfill me. Funny to say, I know it's true but I still have to learn.


What does 'parenthetical clause' mean and who uses that in an email? Should I even bother looking it up.

Just Breathe.

No you're not on the wrong page, you're simply looking at the refurnished space of Sam's blog- clear, uncluttered and easier to read more than ever before.
I've been planning on using this layout for a long time but never really got around to it until Tania started complaining last night. I'll fix all the links later. And does anyone know how to shrink the font size- it's really bothering me.
So I hope this is easy on the eyes now.
I'll be tweaking it to suit my tastes more but this will do for now.

The Death of Creativity

What a day- and it's only 3pm.
It didn't start good at all (besides that, somehow there was a mix up with my financial aid and two of my largest scholarships of $10,500 withdrew but I finally got it back). I went to my Garment class and we're supposed to make a garment that revolves around 'body language' and told us to find an issue we were interested in like homeless people or the war on terror. And I was trying to brainstorm for this project of ours which is exactly like our last assignment. And body language is the expression of the body using words, emotion, gestures and movement- paralanguage. It is NOT an issue! How does body language have anything to do with homeless people?? ARGH. So our teacher asked us who didn't understand the assignment and was lost. One girl raised her hand and she asked again, so I had to let go of my pride and I raised my hand. She then proceeded to tell me that she didn't understand why I didn't get the assignment. She then said "why don't you do something on sustainability? You have to think critically okay, I know it's difficult but you have to think harder. I know it's a difficult assignment" All I could think was 'excuse me, are you telling ME to think deeper??' And pray tell, how does sustainability have anything to do with body language. Body language revolves around the body and not on secondary skins like clothing. I really dislike my teacher. She can't teach. So I listened in on people's ideas- those who presumably 'get it'- and they are the most cliche things I've ever heard. When designers address an issue they now resort to the following:
Feminists and the objectified female body (housewife/nude body)
Mass production
Westernization of countries (I'm a sucker for this one, I admit)
Poverty and homeless people
War
Abortion/gay rights


Could you be anymore cliche, I'm going to puke.
And yet the most conceptual and interesting ideas are those that are not tangible. I wanted to do REAL body language- but how do you convey laughing/crying and mind-body dualism within a garment? How? I really don't want to do cliche things. If this is what designers of the future have to offer, I'm going to cry. Where is that creativity, imagination and originality that we were once known for?
I'm convinced that all artists and designers are a confused bunch who have no idea how to discern one good idea from the other- we're just recycling old ideas and claiming them as our own.
And after class I was really depressed because I had no idea what to do for my project and I need one for Wednesday.
Speaking about 'original' ideas- look at these this bag which was on the Louis Vuitton runway yesterday:





My my- does that not look familiar?? Incredible isn't it- Marc Jacobs takes a cheap Chinese carrying bag and makes it an expensive item. Is this a social commentary on how the Chinese are being able to afford LV products and poking fun at something that is primarily asian? To my horror, the person who wrote a review on the show from the prestigious 'style.com' said how great and refreshing it was- why is it refreshing??? It's something that's existed ages. I love the 'red,white,blue' bag because you can just toss everything in and drag it across the floor! The thing that made me laugh the most was that WE were the ones who created the bag and Louis Vuitton, which has several investigators trying to crack the large Chinese counterfeit purse industry, is basically knocking off a bag that Asians made but makes it 'unique' by slapping on a logo. So who is knocking off who? Well I guess the counterfeiters will have no problems whatsoever in knocking off something they already have in the back of their closets for travel.
Now who would buy such a thing- I have no idea. Watch, H&M or Forever21 will have copies of these in the summer for the beach.
If I see any Asian person buy one, I'll be very sad that they were brainwashed into buying something that all of us already own.
I want to go to LV one day and see how much they charge. I wonder if the 'fabric' was made in Italy. LOL.


When you think the design world is finally advancing and thinking originally, someone shoots you down by proving you wrong. Instance taken in Louis Vuitton.


"O senseless man who cannot make a worm, and yet makes gods by dozens." Montaigne, Walking on Water, Madeleine l'Engle.


I got this interesting excerpt from Walking On Water,
'One of the many sad results of the Industrial Revolution was that we came to depend more than ever on the intellect, and to ignore the intuition with its symbolic thinking. The creator, and the mystic, have tended more towards Platonism than Aristotelianism, and to be willing to accept Plato's "divine madness," with its four aspects of prophecy, healing, artistic creativity, and love.
These divine madnesses have been nearly lost in this century, and so we've lived almost entirely in the pragmatic, Cartesian world. I wonder if Descartes knew what he was doing when he wrote his famous I think, therefore I am, and subsequently, if not consequently, we began even more than before to equate ourselves with our conscious minds. Cogito, ergo sum nudges us on to depend solely on intellectual control, and if we insist on intellectual control we have to let go our archaic understanding and our high creativity, because keeping them means going along wih all kinds of things we can't control.'

A Canadian Thanksgiving

Today was another great day of procrastination.
I intended to go to church and return to my apartment immediately after and shut myself in my studiolo (a small room that monks had to study in) and work work work.
That never happened.
Robyn brought Joseph and his Japanese friend, Roy, to church and afterwards she had to go to the Metropolitan Museum (MET) so I decided to go for about an hour. Frank, Joseph's friend, met us halfway at the park to walk to the MET.
It turns out we walked all the way to the MET which took far longer than I expected because there was a parade on Fifth Avenue so we bypassed it by going through Central Park.
We were famished by the time we got there so we stopped by a bakery and sat on their benches outside to eat. I was dying to ask Roy some questions (he isn't really fluent in english) and this is what I asked:
What part of Japan do you live?
Are girls in Japan really short? How short? (5'3"- I'm gonna look like a monster next to them. Joseph looked at me bewildered at my odd question which was completely serious)
Have you heard of Kamikaze Girls- it's a dvd my roomie and I watched. (I know- that's my definition of Japanese culture. jk)
How do girls afford Gothic Lolita clothing? (on behalf of my roomie who is dying to know. We concluded that all Japanese people are rich)


Yeah but he's really cute. He reminds me of a little kid. It's funny to go to an art museum with three guys and listen to their random comments and critiques on Renaissance paintings. Roy asked me how to say the word 'peacocks' and he repeated it slowly several times(he's really eager to learn which is really cool) and I asked him how to say it in Japanese in which he proceeded to say something I did not understand and could not repeat.
So we all ended up sitting at the Monet gallery waiting for Robyn who was doing her homework in the Chinese gallery. I asked them what their plans were for their last day in New York and Joseph's first answer was "Shopping!" and then proceeded to tell me his style and asked me to suggest what stores he should go to. And Roy has to find a winter coat here (except our winters don't get as cold as the ones in Toronto). Yeah so Robyn and I are gonna meet up with them tomorrow at Herald Square. Yeah as you can see, I've ditched my plans to do homework tomorrow (I need a thesis dang it).
It was fun today though. I met more people though it's temporary.


So I came home and wrote a response paper on this 1911 feminist essay on how marriage and love is not synonymous. I basically pulled out Voddie Bauchnam and bam! I had a nicely written one page response in about an hour. Thank you very much, Voddie.


And to reward myself, I watched more Desperate Housewives. Last night I dreamed that I was following Eva and bought a really expensive belt in which I regretted because I'm on this no shopping streak. LOL.
Anyway the more I watch this show, the more I admire the scriptwriters. Every episode is based on a central theme and at the end they basically flash to all the characters and how their lives relate to trust, honesty, deceit, truth and searching for love. It's amazing how they connect all these things together in all the characters! I love it!


So since it's Canadian Thanksgiving I ought to say a few things:
-I am grateful for all my canadian friends back in Toronto
-I am grateful for all my blog readers
-I am grateful that I have such a loving and patient best friend, Tania, who tolerates my odd behaviour
-I am grateful for Sam who messaged me today to just say hi
-I am grateful for Andrew who makes the effort to being open and honest
-I am grateful for Angie who is trying to keep up with the emailing though I still owe her an email
-I am grateful for Kitty who randomly emailed me two sentences (I still have to email her)
-I am grateful to have a cousin like Robyn here in NY with me who I can go to church with and just hang out- a piece of home
-I am grateful for this freaking amazing apartment
-I am grateful that I kind of enjoy doing dishes (for now)
-I am grateful for today and getting to chill
-I am grateful to have a weird roommate although we get on each other's nerves at times
-I am grateful for the sacrificial love of my parents
-I am grateful that Auntie Jo is coming next week to bring me some goodies from my mom (lol)
-I am grateful to have discs 3 and 4 of Desperate Housewives
-I am grateful to have heard Voddie Bauchnam's Relationship series and am thinking of buying it to remember all his points
-I am so grateful that it's time for me to go to bed.
Goodnight!

And on the Seventh Day, Sam Rested

I had the good intentions of doing work today which failed miserably.
I woke up at 11 and went to meet my friend from my last year core class at this chic and famous French bohemian restaurant for the rich (yes it's an oxymoron that most dishes were at least $13 for lunch) called Balthazar in Soho. She got there really late and I ended up trying their butternut squash soup after remembering Robyn said her cousin's recipe was great. And we both had dessert (that's why I was there in the first place) of chocolate cake and caramelized banana tart with ice cream. She paid for my meal since she was late. Sweet.
We then mulled around the Modern Arts Museum store (for my homework assignment- I wanted to get this cool silicone flyswatter which has a face on it for $16 and my friend asked me why I'd pay so much money to whack bugs with). After parting ways, I didn't want to go home because the weather was so nice so I weaved in and out of the stores and stopped to listen to a bunch of singers and a double bass. It was really nice.


So I remembered I had to go to a dumb seminar for the Body class and I went to this one discussing the ethics of bodily pleasure, the body and will and obedience. Frick, this is what turns me off any kind of theology and philosophy. I DON'T UNDERSTAND ONE WORD OF WHAT THEY'RE SAYING. So if I really wanted to debate with them, I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to even comprehend the diction they use. Can't they just talk like normal people? Use words I understand? They make themselves appear so up there and belittle us 'normal folk' that it just doesn't make me want to try because I'd just look stupid. I sat there while they took their mini coffee break and the guy in front of me was reading Noam Chomsky and the people would chuckle and laugh really loudly when the speaker said something that was apparently funny. Honestly I did not get anything out of the 1.5 hour lecture today. And I tried- it was not like I dismissed it right from the start. Everyone was at least 30 and wearing black and glasses- and I just feel stupid.
Okay I just had to get that off me.
Next.


Desperate Housewives
I got suckered punched into it. My roomie and I decided by 5:45, that we would just not do any homework today and went to Blockbuster to rent Anastasia (lol). Anyway we couldn't find it so Bonnie wanted me to watch 'Desperate Housewives' so she rented the first two discs.
Omg, I've watched 1.5 discs already. It's really addicting. And you know what? It's really a great series! At first I was really hesistant because I thought it would be stupid but I got some things out of it. It's about four married (or divorced) women in the typical perfect suburbia of colonial houses and painted porches with green green grass and hydrangeas. The narrator is a woman who kills herself and throughought the series we slowly learn why she killed herself and the secrets behind it all. Anyway introducing the women:
One is a perfectionist who's husband hates her obsessive compulsive order (house is spotless and she's always happy like a Stepford wife) and he wants a divorce.
The second is a divorced woman who has a daughter and is trying to get this new guy.
The third is a woman who gave up her successful career to take care of three ADD kids and is now taking attention deficit pills to keep up with her work.
The fourth is a woman who is spoiled and given everything she wants but she has an affair with the gardener.
What got me hooked on the series was the introduction spoof at the beginning of every episode. I know, it sounds silly, but this introduction was amazing for us art nerds. It uses spoofs of different famous art pieces like Andy Warhol and Jan Eyck's Arnolfini and Wife and the man is eating a banana and tosses the peel which his wife at the back is seen 'sweeping' the peel away- except the producers got it wrong because in fact is, is that although she looks pregnant, she is not. Back in the Renaissance period, large bellies were considered beautiful so women used to wear something called a houpplenade which is an exaggerated long flowing gown and in the painting she is holding the fabric up to make her belly appear larger than it really is. HA. I got that from my History, culture, society class. Go me. It was on my exam. I ought to write to the producers. Anyway I probably lost you all.
Yeah well it really is a social commentary on housewives. The neat thing is is that at the very beginning someone said that the woman who killed herself should have told her friends since they all lived 50 feet away. Yet they ALL have their own little secrets and are slowly disintegrating. And the line "All men lead quiet lives of desperation" (paraphrase) was used at the very beginning and I told my roomie " It's by Henry Thoreau!" And they even used "The heart wants what it wants" and I said "Woody Allen!". And then there was this line "To live a life full of lies is not to have lived at all." and my roomie turns to me and asks me who created this line and I had no idea. Lol. Good line though.
It's also really neat because they all, in some way, imply that they wish they were cleaner or had more money to spend on anything. They were all leading lives of quiet desperation.
Anyway this whole series has made me depressed in a way- I don't want to be single nor do I want to spend my life depressed, tired and having my life revolve around what to prepare for dinner and when to pick up the kids. My roomie and I contemplated on this dilemma and didn't really come up with any solution.
The weird thing is is that I see myself in the first woman who has an obsessive compulsive disorder. Of course I don't have it that bad (we all know that tv personalities tend to be the extremities of a stereotype). Her husband complains to her that even when they're really intimate, she always seems to be somewhere else and thinking of something else. Lol.
Anyway, two more episodes left and then I'll have to go and rent the rest of the discs.


Gladiator
As I was watching Gladiator the other day, I realized something. Maximus was told that in order to win his freedom, he would have to entertain the crowds and give them a show like they had never seen before. I guess life has come down to this: whoever can best entertain the masses will be successful. Look at Michael Jackson and what he got out of. So long as you can entertain people, you have their vote. How sad. We've come to just merely entertaining each other. Am I entertaining you right now?
Oh Gladiator, you are so great.

Hussein Chalayan Spring Summer 2007 Collection

YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS. ANYONE WHO GOES ON MY BLOG- YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO.
I even linked it to my blog just for you so don't be lazy.
It's revolutionary, avant-garde fashion! Considering how fashion has always been recycled over and over the past few decades, this guy has created something that no one has ever seen before! It's just mindblowing! Okay fine, it's 'eye-blowing'. But watch it please- just for me. And watch carefully especially the last few. How did he put all the machinery in there to do something like that? Oh yeah, one discretion, there's a naked woman at the end.
This is something I'd love to do- it's like my 3D class.
Oh the fusion of design and tech- looks like I'll have to nerdify. :P

Lord of the Flies

Okay we often leave our doors open because we're too cheap to splurge on AC. Somehow a huge fly got in (we've had many before but we just waited for them to starve to death or to find a way out) and I was trying to hit it with a tissue box. My parents are pro at killing flies and we're thinking of investing in a flyswatter now. Anyway, after making several attempts to kill it in vain (it was hyper active), my roomie and I armed ourselves with newspaper and shut ourselves in our bathroom to kill this fly. We made a competition out of it to see who could hit it and kill it first. We were trying to duck out of the way while it whizzed around incessantly It was smart- it would only land on ceilings and corners so Bonnie stood on the edge to the bathtub and finally killed it on the bathtiles which is far better than on the mirror where I was positioned. We rinsed it down the drain.
That's our strategy now.

Here's to World Domination

Some people never cease to amaze me.
Allie came by today around 6- we were just planning to chill for the night so we all went to get take out and two bottles of wine (plum and chardonnay). Anyway, she comes into our apartment and tells me that she was watching Bette Davis biography and then said "F*** school, I'm going to become an actress."
So yesterday she goes online to look up agencies and finds one that seemed less sketchy and they called her this afternoon to see her tomorrow.
When I found out, I laughed so much because it seems so totally random. She said she wanted to try (she's crazy about actresses, their bios and recognizes any famous person walking the street in New York) because she doesn't want to go to school, turn 30 years old and realize that she's wanted to become an actress but was too afraid to try. And as much as I laugh at her, I told her to go for it because hey, you never know. So tomorrow she's going for her interview thing.
Anyway we talked about going abroad, Allie wants to go to Paris and Bonnie to Tokyo and I to Shanghai or Paris or Tokyo. Bonnie thought that was the randomest city to go abroad (Shanghai) and I said it because I wanted to set up shop in China and Allie thought that was neat. So we all sat on the floor with our pad thai/fa/salmon, poured wine in glasses (milk for me- I can drink half a gallon within a week) and toasted to our future- as Allie put it, to our world domination- I was going to make it big in China, Allie as an actress and Bonnie as a designer/illustrator in Tokyo. LOL. It was great.
We then watched this Japanese movie called Kamikaze Girls.
I tried the plum wine, it tasted like Snapple, and I realize my cheeks turn rosy after even a little bit. lol.


So I read Metamorphasis- Kafka. I thought it was the funniest thing that I was reading Kafka.


Okay this is not working, I'm so tired. I promise I will blog something more interesting soon- I'm gonna crack the essay on Marriage and Love. I'm done with two exams and a midterm project. I am ready to do more work (not). Bring it on.

Winterberries and Sugar Plum

Hello dear blog and readers.
I refrained from blogging this week to experiment a little- to be more normal and stop blabbing so much. But the problem with only writing once in a while is that I end up filling in what I did the entire week rather than writing about interesting thoughts.


This week has been hell (which I equate to Parsons. :P). I had a exam on the History of Dress and I did some dumb mistakes. I'm really hoping my take home exam essay would boost me up a lot because my strengths, I've realized, fall into planned essays and finding main points/thesis within articles (they tend to be the only sentences that make sense to me. :P).
As for the Body lecture, we're gonna read up on Sex 1: Marriage & Love (abolition) etc. I'm looking forward to doing my readings.
For my Kosovo project I'm experimenting with soft materials and flat packed home accessories- I'm really keen on doing a light right now because I loved what I did last year.


God has been good- I'm really happy right now though I ended up doing my roomie's dishes because she's too lazy to do them on the same night and I realized that I have this pet peeve about maintaining a clean, 'objectless' sink- I hate seeing dirty, crusty dishes because they'll attract insects. Anyway I went to our weekly NYU gathering at Jess's dorm (more on her later) and we did some more laundry and then congregated at her neighbour's suite of five guys which was pretty amusing. They aren't stuck up- they have a X Box, surround sound system, a plasma screen and they have about 1000 dvds collectively. Yeah, one was in film, one in acting and the rest in pre med and stuff. Pretty interesting mix of kids. We watched half a disturbing gory movie and a slice of 'Thank You For Smoking': ew Katie Holmes was in it. Next week we're planning to go shoe shopping on Saturday because they all need good walking boots come winter.
Yup and my roomie and I made a tiramisu last night and earlier this week we made cupcakes after watching the newest 'Stepford Wives' (that movie is highly disturbing- imagine, men controlling their wives through tv remotes. As Nicole Kidman put it, don't you want someone challenges you? Loves you because she accepts all you despite flaws?).
Anyway, going to school is all about networking really. You gotta be nice to people because you may need their connections one day- I know it sounds really evil but it's pretty true. So I tried 'networking' today at NYU but it's exhausting because I really suck at names and faces.
OH YEAH. Speaking about networking, my former roomie Allie works at this small PR company and they had a list of celebrities they wanted to send beer and wine samples too and the list included: ADRIEN BRODY, P Diddy, Sophie Dahl, Gisele Bundchen, and Christy Turlington. HAHA. She took down the cell phone numbers and addresses of a few and she called me up on Tuesday and asked if I wanted to take a walk and we went on a hunt to find Christy Turlington's apartment- we weren't sure if it was east or west so we went to both '425 13th st'.. and decided it was the west one. Not that productive. :P Some adventure we decided to go on.
And on our way back, we saw Christian Slater- I have no idea what he's been in but Allie was having a mini freak out.


Speaking about networking, there was this woman in my Body lecture class who is probably in her mid twenties at least who is a dancer on Broadway, has been married for five months, works as a cocktail waitress at Wet Bar (some pricey bar which serves $14 martinis) and is at school to do dance therapy. Anybody Conan O' Brien fans? She also is a dancer for his show. For her wedding, she had it done somewhere near Las Vegas, she met her husband through a friend who owned this restaurant and her husband was his personal trainer. As for her honeymoon, they went to Paris for five days and two weeks in Italy in this 12th century Italian Villa in Tuscany (their friend let them borrow it for a week- so generous) and went to Venice too. I told her I've always wanted to go to Venice ever since I was a little girl (blame it in Vivaldi), and she said it was only good if you were dating because she had been before and it was never really fun until you're 'blinded by love'- a city for lovers. All I could think was "great." I just want to go ride a gondola and watch craftsmen making and painting masks. But Tuscany sounds wonderful.
I also met this half Japanese, half Caucasian girl who flies to Japan every weekend to do business- she works at some denim company. Isn't that insane? She left on Friday to Nagoya and came back Monday.
My life feels so boring. -_-
Guess what I did today after classes? I snacked too much and felt guilty so I wandered around Union Square and then came back only to realize I forgot to close the door completely which freaked me out and then I got under the covers of my bed and watched Bridget Jones' Diary. My roomie always complains that though she's supposedly 'fat' in the movie (135lbs is nothing), though she is single at the age of 30, she ends up getting two very hot guys. I cracked up. Oh Colin Firth. Although I don't like admiting that I love chick flicks because I don't how the other gender sees them as some estrogen psychotic film- Bridget Jones' Diary has remained a classic because I saw it when I was really depressed. And you have to admit her friends are incredibly loyal and amazing- best scene is when she's drunk and lip synching to 'All By Myself' and her birthday dinner (Interesting 'food'+dorky sweet friends+Colin Firth= Amazing).


I'm just looking forward to the break which is in NOVEMBER (thanksgiving). And I especially can't wait till Christmas in New York because the decorations go up and it's absolutely stunning. Also there are so many great New York based Christmas movies like Home Alone, Elf, Serendipity and after watching them, I want to do everything that happened in the movies. So perhaps we'll go ice skating in Central Park, go to Serendipity for frrozen hot chocolate, admire the Macys windows..... :) , listen to Christmas music and decorate our room and make christmas cookies and Robyn and I have plans to throw a mini party before we all disperse. Apparently our church also has an early christmas dinner.
And I know it sounds materialistic, but I can't wait to buy people presents (as much as I'd like to, I don't have the time to make presents nor the motivation). I've already started planning in September. I'm just a sad Parsons student.
Wow it's 4am. I have an exam in eight hours.

The Violin: Lessons on Losing Control and Trusting the Self

Sam is tired.
I nodded off during the sermon twice. The church really needs to do something about the air circulation because my nose gets congested from the stuffiness- and if you know me, I have "temperature issues" where I can't stand the lack of ventilation.
I'm really interested in the original meaning of Biblical words that were lost in the English translation. It just makes it far more intriguing. Apparently the word 'rejoice' was only used to celebrate military victories- okay Robyn can correct me on it because I was really tired.


Yeah so today it rained and I was excited because I could pull a 'Great Expectations' thing- but the rain was too light to do anything like that plus I didn't want to get soaked. :P


Today my roomie and I sat down with our sewing supplies and garments and just worked and we basically watched five movies straight: Miss Congeniality (her dvd), Italian Job (my dvd), Mulan (her dvd), Gladiator (tnt) and Cinderella (her dvd with Robyn who got her hair cut by my roomie). Yes they're all kind of no brainer movies but we need no brainers since we're doing meticulous things at the same time.
My roomie is in love with Maximus from Gladiator- she finds him sexy. Lol. She has this thing for either really feminine men (a lot of Japanese dudes) or really masculine historical epic heroes like Aragorn. It's pretty funny to listen to her commentate while watching the movie about how great these men are etc.
I love Edward Norton though Bonnie thinks he's really greasy in Italian Job.


A thought occured to me the other day- while feminists complain that Girl Scouts do silly things like learn how to sew, sell cookies, bake and do primarily indoor activities, Boy Scouts get to engage with the outdoors and learn how to build a campfire and whatnot but honestly, who the heck needs to learn how to make a campfire? I think learning how to mend your own clothes is more applicable and learning how to cook.


The other day I was researching advertising and graphic design for a possible Intro to Design thesis when I stumbled upon this site that records many fashion ads from the past to present. And I went bezerk because some of those images I had not seen since 2004 and I loved them. So now I have a ton of photos stuffed in my photography file. Poor computer:








Top left: Louis Vuitton ad alluding to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves- selling the idea of fantasy and fairy tale- return to innocence and childhood dreams.
Bottom left: Another LV ad alluding to the 'death' of Snow White when she eats the apple.
Top right: I just love it because it reflects many Classical elements including the typical Greek style of dress known as the 'goddess dress'.
Bottom right: I just like it- very rich.



Three days ago, I had the urge to pick up my violin- to once again feel the cords of steel pressed against the cushions of my fingertips, to feel the warmth of the wood beneath my chin and above all, to hear that piercing vibrancy of the instrument.
But this time would be different: I was going to experiment.
I was going to try the strength of the mind, the passion of the heart and the skill of the body.


I decided to test myself in following something my violin teacher had always tried to make me do: to close my eyes and just let myself play and enjoy listening to the music I was creating. But fears of forgetting the music, jumbling my fingers into a gigantic mess always held me back from fully doing so.
I wanted to play the Thais Meditation- a very famous slow piece full of prayer and longing (download it to hear). I had my music open but I tried closing my eyes and acknowledging the fact that I really knew the music notes by heart- I just had to trust myself.
And it was a very strange feeling.
I feel deep into the piece, only forgetting my lines once, and when I finished and opened my eyes- I was surprised at how much energy I put into shaping each note, bringing out the lustre in each sixteenth, letting each note shine for all its worth yet creating one continuous velvety melody.
I was exhausted after just that one piece- I was aware that I was squeezing my eyes shut while I was playing- I think it was my way of expelling nervous energy.
And I learned something that day- that what seperates me from the great violinists is that I always want to be in control- to maintain a stiff hold on the music- to read every single note, spelling it over and over again though I already know how to read it. And if you see a professional violinist play- they just lose themselves in the music. They allow their music to envelop them- their mind and body as one. They've practiced and they know the notes- now they just allow themselves to take in the pleasure of their own playing. Their bodies move with the music- their faces tense with concentration- their minds set only on the bars of the present.
And I learned that there were so many times that I did not trust my own fingers to know what they were doing. There were so many times in the past I just told myself I didn't know the music and panicked, jeopardizing my own playing. While I was playing Meditation, there were times when I wasn't very sure what the next bar would be like but I forced myself to trust the fingers to know where they were going, and sure enough, somehow they'd slide into the correct position. And I was just able to enjoy my own playing. And I guess it's because I always want to be in control- to know exactly how everything should be. Perhaps that's why I never really enjoyed playing as much as I could have if I just let go.
And because I was able to lose myself in the music and not engrossed in spelling every word, I became more aware of the quality of the playing and the sweet sound of the violin.
I was quite astonished after considering I have not picked up the violin in quite some time and my fingers are out of shape.
Oh the phenomenal things you learn in such small daily activities.
Life is intricate.

An Intro to an Essay

I'm too essayed out to write an entry. I'm just going to post the intro of my essay because I'm a very pathetic writer:


Having explored the depths of the ocean to the vastness of the heavens to every corner of the earth, the body above all things, has never failed to capture the intellect of the philosopher, the passions of the lover, and the eyes and hands of the artist. For as long as Man can remember, the beauty and mystery of the world has never ceased to captivate his imagination and unquenchable thirst for knowledge so as to further understand his own existence and being. The science of Man strives to probe and unlock the secrets of the fetus and the nucleus, dissolving these entities into a spray of chemicals and formulas in hopes of finding glory in the dissection of the creation of His own self. At the other end of the spectrum are the hearts of the artists who do not have the desire to understand the world in such a formulaic, abstract perspective but wish to glorify creation and revel in its aesthetic beauty. Despite the poetic serenity of Monet's water lilies or the tumultuous moving quality of Van Gogh's Starry Night, the depictions of the human body have always emerged as of most interest above all other subject matter. From Ingres' Odalisque to the erotic female sketches of Klimt, they all reflect Man's ceaseless studies of adoration and worship of Himself.


Haha. That's Sam Style essay for you. I don't like essays-especially ones where I lack the passion to argue for lack of argument's sake. I find them so rigid- the conscious need to communicate in formal terms and refined, formulized thoughts. I was supposed to argue some ridiculous quote from the essay and tie it in with this ridiculous photographer- I blogged about it earlier.


Omg NYU is amazing. They have 30 washers and dryers. o_o Parsons kids are so deprived. :(