What a great way to start the week. Monday I was hardly sitting down at all- my retail shipments came in and I had to prep them for assessment and to give my recommendations to the CEO. My pet project items also came in- items I got to handpick from our site to promote for my new feature.
At the end of the day I gave my boss my recommendations on how many items to ship out and he says that I'm clever and that he was amazed that there were 15,000 views on a particular series of blog posts I did in collaboration with our Promotions team. For winter they initial categories to market were jackets, scarves, boots. I told them promote leopard print, faux fur, lace-up boots, capes and Nordic print.
He said I really knew my stuff and I told him it's because I actually love clothes.


The fact is that I actually do not know anything. I am just paid to find out ways to improve our company. After my little project gains stability and can run on its own, I think I have the option of leaving.
Admittedly there were times I wish it would sink in my frustration with non-fashion people but now I only want the company to be astronomically successful. And a part of me realizes that I am quite essential to the company- that price is not king and that taste cannot be bought but is part research, part natural gift and part passion.

It just feels so good to have someone praise me. Not just anyone but my boss, the CEO of our company. It makes me feel that, yeah, perhaps I am going the right way. Perhaps I am doing something right and that I should not doubt my decisions anymore.

About a month ago I had to face some past fears that left an impression on me fifteen years ago. I was literally sitting down on the floor of Central station sobbing, my cousin next to me. She said to me that she admired me that I was always true to myself, that held my ground firmly despite what everyone else thought was cool. I think while I seem so unsure of myself on the surface, I know deep down inside, what I want and have to do to achieve it. There's no better example than when I was deciding which university to go to. I was accepted to both Pratt and Parsons for Interior Design. I took so long to decide that my parents paid the down payment to defer my decision until July/August. My mom once sighed in exasperation that I couldn't even decide between vanilla and green tea ice cream in Kyoto, how could I choose a college to go to? On the surface I was telling everyone I wanted to do Interior Design but really, deep down I was very curious about the fashion industry. It's why I chose Parsons when the obvious pick would be Pratt for interior.
I think I spend a lot of energy trying to bypass people. I bypass people because I don't want any criticism of the things I really enjoy doing. I spent so much energy bypassing people that for a whole year I had three blogs. People would ask me what I am doing and I'd give excuses. People would ask me for a blog url, I'd give my sweets one. I don't want people to know about this one, nor do I want them to know about the other one. Oh, what if they thought of me as narcissistic, vain and selfish?

If I had continued doing what I was doing in 2008, who knows, I may be in a different situation right now. But I didn't- something I regret but I do not hold because God is greater.

I then realized that what I want to do in the future really depends on whether I could break free from self doubt. I recall once when I was telling someone that I wanted to do a portfolio in the style of a blog, the person told me it was impossible. What employer would care about clothes and food together? The two are disparate matters. But after a while I realized that I was the only one who saw the slow shift from typical Renaissance-style artist book portfolios to a dynamic blog style portfolio that was constantly moving, constantly adding layers into an intoxicating mix of social media, work and relational development with readers and potential employers counting the number of hits on your site. And guess what, that person now has a blog portfolio too.
I really have to stop caring about the ghosts of my past. I don't even speak to them anymore.

I still believe in my thesis project. I really believe that it will work one day and that the system I designed at 21 years old can work when I'm 30. Currently daydreaming another system into mind- oh I'd love to launch this one too. Thank you God for imagination and creativity.

Ps. After my blog post on Saturday about Peter walking on water, Sunday's sermon was on Peter walking on water. Funnay.

Anointing

I feel like I'm sitting on the crossroad of something great. I don't know what it is yet but I feel like God will reveal it to me some time this year.

I had a dream the other night where a group of us were chosen to go into a freestanding elevator (if you read the sequel to 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'- an elevator that is essentially a plane). We all stood plastered around the four walls of the elevator as it shot up. We somehow drifted above a city that resembled Union Square of NYC where the elevator started swinging back and forth like a pendulum as we slowly descended. In the city, we grew- we grew greatly. As we towered over everyone, the citizens of the city became afraid of us because we were so great. They were so terrified that they began to kill us.

I don't know, I don't know.
Have you ever felt intoxicated and crazy drunk because you love what you do it fills you to the brim, overwhelming in joy and passion? On Friday I fell in love with a project I've been working on for the CEO. It wasn't initiated by him but I suddenly envisioned how our company could perform even better than this year. I started off about two months ago, examining other stores and how they do product placement and suddenly it clicked to me how to make our company better than any other of our other competitors. I then made a 'manifesto' in which I boiled it down to three points that I could advise the CEO on how we could do better. Better ways to brand, better ways to get ahead of potential competitors, better ways to communicate with customers and how to market to the affluent ones.
Everything suddenly made sense.
The awesome part of my manifesto was that I took my theme directly from our church's theme for this year: Deeper and Wider. It just seemed to fit in with our company as it did in my spiritual community.

I feel very blessed in that I'm in a company that is growing and not a established one where everything would probably be boxed in. I like how I have so much freedom to examine, poke, prod. My first job, I've been managing products that go to the store in the States, went to LA for a concert we sponsored to take photos, went to Seoul Fashion Week for a magazine I was in charge of from front to back, manage three blogger aliases on our blog, and get to report and advise on the overall direction of the company to my boss which also happens to be the CEO. I'm also starting on a new project- a slot in our 'store' where I get to play stylist, editor, merchandiser and buyer all in one.

When I was a kid, I was terrible at math (Asian standard). I hated problem solving questions particularly the 'application' questions on a math test in which a twist was involved in the equation. My mom loves math and she's seen me gruel over my textbook over the summer holiday. But then I realized this year that I actually LOVE problem solving just not the math kind. I love seeing problems in my company and I like to take it apart and solve it. I love how there's so much crap that needs to be sorted out because the messier, the more power I have to set the rules. I used to envy my roommate for her love of learning and I think I found out where my voracious appetite to learn lies.

As I grow in my Christian walk, I find the funny thing is is that things often just 'fall' into place without me even doing much due to God's provision. I just somehow got a job which can take me far and wide thanks to the rise of the internet, social media within fashion.

I think in all this, God has one point for me. He clearly believes in me more than I do in myself. I don't think, for a second, He had any doubts that I was not meant to be in this industry. It was me all along, questioning and doubting despite the many ways in which He's obviously showed me signs to validate. He has reminded me that He has set the course for me to run, a race in which we all aim to receive the same prize. What other people say should not deter me from running the race if it was set in front of me.
I recall hearing a sermon about Jesus and Peter walking on water. When Peter walks on water, sees the waves around him and beings to sink, the point of realization as that Jesus never doubted Peter's ability to walk on water, Peter just doubted in himself that he could. At this moment in my life, I feel like Peter.

God, I'm waiting for Your anointing over my life and Your calling for me in the industry I am in.

Favor

The last time I wrote here was two months ago. I haven't forgotten this blog of a diary but I've been making many transitions in hopes of finding peace. I've learned and realized a lot.

I was reading the prophecies of Jaeson Ma:
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150131621835460&id=8779035119

and felt an overwhelming sorrow for Korea that I wept and prayed for South Korea to return to its first love.

More astonishingly many personal things in my life were confirmed through his prophecy:

2011 will mark the end of a season of testing God’s saints of what is in their hearts. Those who have passed the last season of testing would have overcome the temptation of self exaltation, self glorification and self advancement. God is accelerating His kingdom upon the earth and He has no time to deal with mixture.

2010 was really difficult for me more and more bitter because I had tasted much joy in 2008 and 2009. I felt as if many branches were cut off and I did not know why. My Christian friend and I were sharing this past December that we hoped 2011 would be a better year.


Those who have cleansed their hands and purified their hearts and not lifted up their soul to an idol will transition into a season of birthing. There will be many sudden births of new ministries, companies, ventures, movements and kingdom projects. Finances will not be an issue. God will pour out favor and give the power to produce wealth for those who are obedient to the heavenly vision and call. Funding that seemed impossible in 2010 will be released suddenly and abundantly in 2011. Many new structures, re positioning and re organizing will happen in 2011 in preparation for what the Church will face in 2012. It will be a season of storing up, preparation and transition into not only the new, but the next level. Many ministries, companies, callings will be enhanced into the fullness of their callings and have no lack.

At the beginning of the year one Sunday morning at church, God gave me four words, "The Year of Favor." The following morning as I did my devos on Luke, I read this:

8 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

And after reading Jaeson Ma's prophecy I am certain that this year is the year of God's favor over my life.

---

I've been thinking a lot.. thinking about relationships. Not in the sense of between boy and girl but what it means to be and have friends.
This past year I wanted to fade away thus my little activity on facebook. I wanted to be forgotten and to disappear from people. I wanted to cover up and just be myself.
And I realized that what I want to do requires being loud and being quiet to avoid a handful of people would cost me more than the price I'd have to pay for fearing men.

I realized that... to "seek God with all your heart" means that I give God my doubts in how He will fulfill His Will in my career path. I always pray that God use me through the passions He's placed in me yet constantly doubt the power of His authority through my ministry. And if my heart holds fashion so dearly, should I not use it to its creative magnitude? Is that not glorifying enough as it is to preach a sermon?

I have no doubts of my current placement here in Hong Kong. Although many people-including colleagues- have asked me why I'm in a city that has little regard for the arts and working for a moderate sized fashion company when I ought to be in NYC with the other fashion powerhouses with my educational pedigree, I can only answer that I am in the best position ever. It's dawned upon me that God has strategically placed me here for a reason for which I am seeing clearer every day.
By trade I am a fashion analyst of an online fashion company based in Hong Kong. In our current social climate, the Internet is increasingly becoming the single most powerful tool that fashion companies worldwide are using to acquire customers and establish brand identity. Furthermore the next most popular buzzword after 'social media' is 'Asia' and the growing appetite for fashion. This whole generation is wired and more styled than ever.

A professional trend analyst predicted that the garment industry in New York will plateau. For those designers wanting to make it big in Asia will have to start from scratch as an impressive NYC resume in China means nothing if you don't have experience in Asia.

Hm perfect.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, if anything, do not put down the fashion industry which has such power and influence over people. It's really discouraging to hear people who put it down for reasons of being shallow, self-absorbed and consumeristic. Trust me, us Parsons girls KNOW all this but if God calls us to this ministry, would you give us encouragement? We struggle through this- that other Christians do not see fashion being a 'valuable' or 'good' for God's ministry. I am hurting because of this and this was one of the things I really want to break free of this year. Not every one of us was called to be a teacher, a scientist, a doctor or a missionary in its most traditional sense. Some of us were called to speak volumes simply through clothes.