Bringing Sexy Back// Values
Sexy Back
If you could pick two out of the four attributes: cute, sexy, smart and funny, which two would you choose?
On my flight from SF to Korea (via Japan) I was watching 'He's Just Not that Into You', and the question popped up. It's been interesting to ask people what they'd choose and gives you an insight of how we all we want to be perceived as.
#1 Choice was 'Sexy' and 'Funny'.
Listening to: Lady Gaga's Paparazzi Remix
In Grade 5, when I used to live in Hong Kong, we had a field trip to a museum in Kowloon that housed Chinese historical treasures from across the dynasties. The souvenir store carried the typical Chinese tourist fare for the Caucasian eye including the 'Chinese' translations of english names scripted on plastic keychains. I recall all my friends looking for their names, and when I found mine, my name was broken down (somehow) into 'Sa', 'man', 'tha'. I remember this so clearly because one of the syllables somehow was associated with the word 'sexy'. And being the awkward twelve year old I was, I was extremely embarrassed for I never wanted to be regarded as such a 'grown up' attribute.
Ten years later, I never really outgrew that awkwardness. I grew to be taller than most of my friends: about a head taller to be exact. People say being tall is a great asset yet I feel out of scale especially here in Asia. I was always long with long limbs and a face to match. Once I wore shorts to church and my mom scolded me for wearing such revealing clothes to worship. Ever since then I always felt really weird about wearing shorts in general for when I did, I felt people doing the Elevator Eyes and I was somehow sinning. I know, girls love attention when guys stare especially when they go out at night to clubs. Yet the very reason why I hate bars and clubs is precisely because I hate guys who stand around leering at the girls on the dance floor.
For most of my christian walk, what I thought was modesty was in fact shame and guilt thus I covered up not out of humility and piety but out of embarrassment. While most people use fashion to attract attention to the body, I use it to distract.
An americanized friend one asked, in bewilderment, the reason why I liked having a small chest and prefered the boy figure, I told her it was because girls with curves are really restricted with what they can wear without looking slutty.
Slutty. 'Sexy' rides the fine line between that in its positive nature and slutty in the negative. It sounds really odd, but I'm really scared people will perceive me as in the negative when I wear shorts and heels. Yet while I struggled with fitting into HK culture last year, I've come to accept the fact that Difference is a gift.
The worst thing about this struggle with self worth and beauty is that beauty, in itself, is an idol that is so difficult to overcome because it requires to give up the self in the most visible manner. For Lucifer was beautiful and was blinded by his own image that his pride caused him to fall. In the same way, my struggle to find contentness with how God designed me at times becomes a self absorbing quest that at times I forget that I was created in the image of God and not vice versa.
This is not a pity post to complain about what most people perceive as a blessing, I see as a hindrance. In the end, it is my struggle to fear God over Man.
Values
Yesterday I met up with a friend and we talked for over an hour over coffee before going to see his apartment above Elements. While I didn't really know him that well,
he's been trying to get me to go to LKF where all the clubs and bars are in HK with him and his drinking buddies and girl friends. We began talking about our dreams and futures and I realized our philosophies in life were polar opposite. While he dreams of creating a product that would sell big so he could afford to travel all over the world, I kept insisting about the integrity and creativity of that product to set itself above the rest. He said he could care less about the ingenuity of it so long as it sells. Then came a dialogue about relationships and 'friends' who use each other to get girls' phone numbers and financial support.
I found it all so meaningless.
Even in the most realistic sense, I reasoned, to go out to clubs requires drinking both pre drinking and at the location drinking which costs money. And then to get ready requires money because most people only wear a clubbing outfit once and transporation wise, you most likely have to take a cab because you're probably too drunk to get on the subway or are wearing stilettos that inhibit walking. And I dislike drinking because I am drinking something I think tastes bad but I have to eat something beforehand to ensure that I don't get drunk too fast. So basically I am eating extra calories so that I can take in more liquid calories later on of some booze I hate the taste of to begin with.
I'd rather eat a piece of dense chocolate cake.
Plus I can do without the Asian glow.
The conversation was so vastly different from the ones I've had with my NYC friends working at Pixar or at an architecture firm. I find it hard to respect people like that who have a pure business mindset. They seem to want to please people more than pleasing the self. Although they both can be idols, the latter I perceive as a healthy self satisfaction with a product rather than finding happiness only when other people find what you do of value.
On the flip side, I met up with another friend (archi friend from NYC!) for dinner/movie/dessert in Causeway and it was such a relief to discuss about concept design and product development over milk tea and moleskins. He doesn't club, drink or party either and his goal in life is not to make oodles of money to waste away: I find it difficult to offer clubbers the respect they deserve as human beings but setting myself apart from their values without appearing like a prude or condescending by nature. Iono, I just found it so comforting to speak to someone of like mindedness.
It's funny, these relationships that started off ten months ago in New York on an unassuming Sunday afternoon, feel like an old glove: full of warmth and familiarity without the pretentiousness and need to impress. I shared with them that it's funny that in the course of ten months, I've hung out with one of them in Toronto, New York and Korea while the other in Toronto, New York and Hong Kong.
It's definitely an undeserved and unexpected blessing.
I've been reading Proverbs seeking for wisdom and Chapter 16 really spoke out to me:
To human beings belong the plans of the heart but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. People may think all their ways are pure, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans...In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
If you could pick two out of the four attributes: cute, sexy, smart and funny, which two would you choose?
On my flight from SF to Korea (via Japan) I was watching 'He's Just Not that Into You', and the question popped up. It's been interesting to ask people what they'd choose and gives you an insight of how we all we want to be perceived as.
#1 Choice was 'Sexy' and 'Funny'.
Listening to: Lady Gaga's Paparazzi Remix
In Grade 5, when I used to live in Hong Kong, we had a field trip to a museum in Kowloon that housed Chinese historical treasures from across the dynasties. The souvenir store carried the typical Chinese tourist fare for the Caucasian eye including the 'Chinese' translations of english names scripted on plastic keychains. I recall all my friends looking for their names, and when I found mine, my name was broken down (somehow) into 'Sa', 'man', 'tha'. I remember this so clearly because one of the syllables somehow was associated with the word 'sexy'. And being the awkward twelve year old I was, I was extremely embarrassed for I never wanted to be regarded as such a 'grown up' attribute.
Ten years later, I never really outgrew that awkwardness. I grew to be taller than most of my friends: about a head taller to be exact. People say being tall is a great asset yet I feel out of scale especially here in Asia. I was always long with long limbs and a face to match. Once I wore shorts to church and my mom scolded me for wearing such revealing clothes to worship. Ever since then I always felt really weird about wearing shorts in general for when I did, I felt people doing the Elevator Eyes and I was somehow sinning. I know, girls love attention when guys stare especially when they go out at night to clubs. Yet the very reason why I hate bars and clubs is precisely because I hate guys who stand around leering at the girls on the dance floor.
For most of my christian walk, what I thought was modesty was in fact shame and guilt thus I covered up not out of humility and piety but out of embarrassment. While most people use fashion to attract attention to the body, I use it to distract.
An americanized friend one asked, in bewilderment, the reason why I liked having a small chest and prefered the boy figure, I told her it was because girls with curves are really restricted with what they can wear without looking slutty.
Slutty. 'Sexy' rides the fine line between that in its positive nature and slutty in the negative. It sounds really odd, but I'm really scared people will perceive me as in the negative when I wear shorts and heels. Yet while I struggled with fitting into HK culture last year, I've come to accept the fact that Difference is a gift.
The worst thing about this struggle with self worth and beauty is that beauty, in itself, is an idol that is so difficult to overcome because it requires to give up the self in the most visible manner. For Lucifer was beautiful and was blinded by his own image that his pride caused him to fall. In the same way, my struggle to find contentness with how God designed me at times becomes a self absorbing quest that at times I forget that I was created in the image of God and not vice versa.
This is not a pity post to complain about what most people perceive as a blessing, I see as a hindrance. In the end, it is my struggle to fear God over Man.
Values
Yesterday I met up with a friend and we talked for over an hour over coffee before going to see his apartment above Elements. While I didn't really know him that well,
he's been trying to get me to go to LKF where all the clubs and bars are in HK with him and his drinking buddies and girl friends. We began talking about our dreams and futures and I realized our philosophies in life were polar opposite. While he dreams of creating a product that would sell big so he could afford to travel all over the world, I kept insisting about the integrity and creativity of that product to set itself above the rest. He said he could care less about the ingenuity of it so long as it sells. Then came a dialogue about relationships and 'friends' who use each other to get girls' phone numbers and financial support.
I found it all so meaningless.
Even in the most realistic sense, I reasoned, to go out to clubs requires drinking both pre drinking and at the location drinking which costs money. And then to get ready requires money because most people only wear a clubbing outfit once and transporation wise, you most likely have to take a cab because you're probably too drunk to get on the subway or are wearing stilettos that inhibit walking. And I dislike drinking because I am drinking something I think tastes bad but I have to eat something beforehand to ensure that I don't get drunk too fast. So basically I am eating extra calories so that I can take in more liquid calories later on of some booze I hate the taste of to begin with.
I'd rather eat a piece of dense chocolate cake.
Plus I can do without the Asian glow.
The conversation was so vastly different from the ones I've had with my NYC friends working at Pixar or at an architecture firm. I find it hard to respect people like that who have a pure business mindset. They seem to want to please people more than pleasing the self. Although they both can be idols, the latter I perceive as a healthy self satisfaction with a product rather than finding happiness only when other people find what you do of value.
On the flip side, I met up with another friend (archi friend from NYC!) for dinner/movie/dessert in Causeway and it was such a relief to discuss about concept design and product development over milk tea and moleskins. He doesn't club, drink or party either and his goal in life is not to make oodles of money to waste away: I find it difficult to offer clubbers the respect they deserve as human beings but setting myself apart from their values without appearing like a prude or condescending by nature. Iono, I just found it so comforting to speak to someone of like mindedness.
It's funny, these relationships that started off ten months ago in New York on an unassuming Sunday afternoon, feel like an old glove: full of warmth and familiarity without the pretentiousness and need to impress. I shared with them that it's funny that in the course of ten months, I've hung out with one of them in Toronto, New York and Korea while the other in Toronto, New York and Hong Kong.
It's definitely an undeserved and unexpected blessing.
I've been reading Proverbs seeking for wisdom and Chapter 16 really spoke out to me:
To human beings belong the plans of the heart but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. People may think all their ways are pure, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans...In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
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