Painting the Sky Pink

Click it! Nothing but infinite space and blossoms. Inspired by a Japanese photographer, I shot it in a similar style where the branches are not grounded but just shooting up into space.


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Large sculpture of Takashi Murakami's work


His rough work: this is one of my favourites. He drafts up what he wants to do in small scale with colour swatches next to every area that needs to be filled in

I was watching Great Expectations yesterday. This is one of my favourite scenes. And I love the Tori Amos music.
He takes her frail, wrinkled hand and places it on his chest.
"Do you know what this is?" he said.
She looks up at him remembering how she had done this to him when they first met some twenty years ago when he was just a little boy.
"This is my heart, and it's broken."

Brunch Sex and the City style. Takashi Murakami exhibit. Cherry blossoms. Dinner party at Buddakan in the Meatpacking District at 11:30pm.
Tomorrow the Philip Glass opera at the MET.


Canopy of flowers in full bloom: it's so thick you can't see anything else but flowers.

How can I not say I am blessed?
And yet despite all these good things- I'm not sure.
Why do tears well in my eyes then?

-I've been monitoring the cherry blossom map for quite some time and I jumped at the fact that the blooms have peaked. So I told my friend that along with the Murakami exhibit which just so happened to be next door, we would have to see the cherry blossoms even though the festival is not until next weekend. And omg, it was lovely. IT was even more beautiful than last year. The blossoms were so thick you couldn't even see the sky. And there were a lot less people. We could just sit down anywhere underneath the sakura and just enjoy its shortlived presence.
It's beauty lies in the fact that its death is so near.

-I've noticed many people are so absorbed in their own little worlds, they fail to ask others what they've been doing. It's not like I want the attention, but I feel like I'm so grounded in their world, they never see through mine. I think that's why I'm writing this post actually but omitting all the big details so that no one gets in. I've become really resentful to the fact that people think I care about them so much when in fact I'm just trying to find something to keep the conversation alive. It's not that I don't want to care, but there's nothing for me to care about because I don't feel like people are emotionally investing in me. Relationships are give and take and I feel like I'm doing all the giving. Correction: many times I am doing all the giving and I feel like I'm being used. So I'm going to just stop. Unless people give, I'm not going to respond. This is not really about selfless giving as it is that I'm socially exhausted. And if people are not putting in the effort to try, I'm not going to either.
-After talking to someone the other day, I realized the reason why I don't recall a lot of what other people say or whether or not I've told someone something about myself or some event that just took place is because I hang out with people one on one so I'm repeating myself so many times, I feel like a broken telephone thus I don't recall who I've said what to who.
-The last week one of the apprentices from my Small Group asked me in private what I wanted to see change in SG. I said I would like to do an Inductive Bible Study rather than a Q&A style. And they actually took it to heart and we did one this past Wednesday. It felt so good. And we all learned a lot from just digging into the Bible as a group rather than students fishing out answers from "teacher".


Buddakan where my friend had her party: I call this the 'Harry Potter' room

-I feel like my entire life is just a bunch of paradoxes strung together.
-The birthday girl's boyfriend, who I sat across from last night, said I reminded him of this anime character called Sakuya from Tenchi Muyo:

Never seen it but it must the hair or something since I had it pulled back.

-The older I get, the more I realize what a miracle a marriage is. A while ago, someone close to me said she wasn't dating because no one's really impressed her enough. I was quite surprised and disagreed. Looking at it now, I understand what she meant. I think there are two fundamental things I'm looking for in a potential relationship: initiative on his behalf and a strong spiritual leader.
For the first, it's really easy. The majority of the times, if any guy from church, asked me to go out for lunch, I would because I like making new friends. There's a lot I could say on this but I'll just move on.
Despite all the Henry Clouding, He made me realize the importance of finding someone with a strong relationship in God. And I've noticed that most guys are one or the other.
-There are times where I think I should start weaning myself from Toronto. Because I meet up with people one on one and the week is only seven days long, every day is filled with another social/school event. New York life is busy, but my heart still lies somewhere within the quiet, tree lined suburbs of Toronto. I'm torn: I see the familiarity of life in Toronto slowly dissipating. There is little left for me there to really go back to because there is nothing to hold onto. Living in the present is hard enough, why I do I constantly try to scrape together a past that is nothing more than few faded memories? Perhaps I should accept the fact that New York is my home now, and Toronto is just another chapter ended.
Like Sayuri, I most resemble the traits of water. But not because I want to, but because I have to. And sometimes I feel like I'm just barely holding on.
God will you be the center?
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A year later- do you remember? I tried to recreate it.

I tried to go back. I tried to go there. I tried to go to a place that's still there, slightly different from what I imagined and from what I remember. But I couldn't. I closed my eyes and tried to remember that sensation of living, but I couldn't. I can't go back now as much as I want to. In love's sanctuary, I want to return to where there's a place of comfort that needs no words to satisfy it.
Do you know what this is? It's my heart and it's broken.