I'm afraid.
I saw '16 Blocks' with my parents- we rented it. I'd give it 4/5 stars. It was pretty good I must say and it's even got an alternate ending which in my books, is always a plus. I liked the movie. It was a good thriller.
So my day (I used to say I never blog about my day because it seems mundane but I'd rather blog about ideas and stuff when I'm fully awake lest I ramble and make an utterly complete fool of myself) consisted of shopping (duh why are you surprised?) and tennis (a weekly routine now thanks to my best friend).
Today I took Markville by storm with my dear cousin, Robyn who was in need of leggings. Her shopping list when she initially told me the night before consisted of leggings but by the time she got into the car this afternoon, it had expanded to leggings, a shirt for silkscreening and a tank top to wear under a worship team shirt that Joyce was putting together for retreat. We ended up getting none of the stuff after going into AE and H&M but she emerged with a bright orange skirt (which I personally love because saturated colours are the best) and a hairband. She did, however, get the leggings at Old Navy and a tank top. No shirt though- that job was passed onto Sam Hui.
I, on the otherhand, just examined all the things I liked and will try to get my sewing up to par and make my own stuff. I purchased a pattern at Walmart for $6 which includes two jumper dresses, two blouses, dress pants, a scarf (random) and a simple jacket. The silly thing is is that by the time I figure out the pattern, buy the material, spend hours on the machine and have a sloppily made piece of 'clothing' done- I'd probably have spent more money, time and effort than if I bought it at a store. The dress I posted- that grey one- retailed at $285 US so I guess I'd save money though my pattern is not exactly the same. I am hoping that my teacher can teach me how to customize patterns.
Playing tennis with Tania was frustrating. Not because of her but because the court surface was really crappy- asphalt. The ball never hit that sweet spot on my racket and I never got to hear that oh so satisfying 'ping!'. It just went 'thud'. Dull and discouraging. I later found out that they're really bad courts to play on in the first place, according to my dad. Other than that, the weather was really nice for tennis and Tania has improved while I remain a slump.
Sigh. Is it really the end of July. This is unbelievable. I'm really really scared. The thought of going back to New York is a heavy weight upon me. I don't want to go back. New York= school=work= dark apartment. I am grateful that I got that apartment but it's really dark in there and I'm scared I'll psychologically suffer because I love natural light (how am I gonna take good pictures in this crappy dim lighting of my studio apartment). I'm also scared that I'll clash with my roommate. This may be my second year but I feel like there is nothing to look forward to when I get there. When I come back to Toronto I think of being able to make towards the exit where the first few faces I see are my parents waving and smiling as I push my luggage down the ramp. And then I get to see my cousins and grandparents and all my friends. Toronto is just a familiar place- same old streets with the same old stores. It's peaceful. And I live in a large house with LOTS of natural light with my own room.
When I return to Toronto I always look forward to that moment when I see my parents at the exit to hug me and to greet me and to drive me home. Every time I come home, that first moment when I walk into my room has a huge impact on me. Why? Because as soon as you walk into an intimate space, you feel an overwhelming rush of memories that just hit you. My bedroom how it was as I had left it March 2006 and now May 2006. It's been preserved perfectly as I had left it.
I remember May 23rd oh so clearly. I woke up to my alarm, excitedly dressed and cleaned up and made sure I had all the stuff I needed to ensure a smooth transition from taxi to plane to Toronto. I relished looking over the landscape as we hovered over Toronto- it was beautiful. When I got home to wait for Andrew, I took a walk and felt this overwhelming sense of joy. I didn't have to worry about anything, I had just arrived back home, I just started my holiday- the summer was new and young. Full of mystery, hope and excitement.
And now it's almost the end of July. And I fear.
When I go back to New York there won't be any welcoming faces. I will pick up my luggage and hail a taxi and go back to the apartment. And I will walk into that apartment as I had left it on May 23, 2006 perfectly preserved as if it was the day that I had left on all over again. Except school is going to start.
I'm so frightened.
And I've started crying. I don't think it's a good idea for me to write so late at night. I get too caught up and emotional.
I can't simply hop on the Greyhound and go home. I can't pick up Chinese groceries and homecooked meals from my mom to bring back to my apartment. I can't escape from my roommate when I need space by simply returning to my bedroom in Toronto. I can't return to the same familiar church every Sunday. I don't have the luxury of having old high school friends around me.
I've always 'envied' those who have Christian friends in their university which they had known during high school or through friends. Grace's roommates are all Christian and they know Sam and Sam knows etc etc.
But this year Robyn will also be in New York as well as Julia who will be going to dance school half an hour away from Manhattan in White Plains, NY.
I think when I establish some solid friendships in New York, I will be happy and less afraid. Really what I dread about going back is that I won't have that nice, cozy coccoon of family and friends.
I should be grateful for being in New York and having my 'own' apartment. I should, and I am but I feel heavily burdened.
I know when I get back, I will fall back into the rhythm of things and things won't seem so bad. I hope that a few months down the road that this entry will be a testament to God's faithfulness; that I'd look back and realize how good God is and how He always will be.
So my day (I used to say I never blog about my day because it seems mundane but I'd rather blog about ideas and stuff when I'm fully awake lest I ramble and make an utterly complete fool of myself) consisted of shopping (duh why are you surprised?) and tennis (a weekly routine now thanks to my best friend).
Today I took Markville by storm with my dear cousin, Robyn who was in need of leggings. Her shopping list when she initially told me the night before consisted of leggings but by the time she got into the car this afternoon, it had expanded to leggings, a shirt for silkscreening and a tank top to wear under a worship team shirt that Joyce was putting together for retreat. We ended up getting none of the stuff after going into AE and H&M but she emerged with a bright orange skirt (which I personally love because saturated colours are the best) and a hairband. She did, however, get the leggings at Old Navy and a tank top. No shirt though- that job was passed onto Sam Hui.
I, on the otherhand, just examined all the things I liked and will try to get my sewing up to par and make my own stuff. I purchased a pattern at Walmart for $6 which includes two jumper dresses, two blouses, dress pants, a scarf (random) and a simple jacket. The silly thing is is that by the time I figure out the pattern, buy the material, spend hours on the machine and have a sloppily made piece of 'clothing' done- I'd probably have spent more money, time and effort than if I bought it at a store. The dress I posted- that grey one- retailed at $285 US so I guess I'd save money though my pattern is not exactly the same. I am hoping that my teacher can teach me how to customize patterns.
Playing tennis with Tania was frustrating. Not because of her but because the court surface was really crappy- asphalt. The ball never hit that sweet spot on my racket and I never got to hear that oh so satisfying 'ping!'. It just went 'thud'. Dull and discouraging. I later found out that they're really bad courts to play on in the first place, according to my dad. Other than that, the weather was really nice for tennis and Tania has improved while I remain a slump.
Sigh. Is it really the end of July. This is unbelievable. I'm really really scared. The thought of going back to New York is a heavy weight upon me. I don't want to go back. New York= school=work= dark apartment. I am grateful that I got that apartment but it's really dark in there and I'm scared I'll psychologically suffer because I love natural light (how am I gonna take good pictures in this crappy dim lighting of my studio apartment). I'm also scared that I'll clash with my roommate. This may be my second year but I feel like there is nothing to look forward to when I get there. When I come back to Toronto I think of being able to make towards the exit where the first few faces I see are my parents waving and smiling as I push my luggage down the ramp. And then I get to see my cousins and grandparents and all my friends. Toronto is just a familiar place- same old streets with the same old stores. It's peaceful. And I live in a large house with LOTS of natural light with my own room.
When I return to Toronto I always look forward to that moment when I see my parents at the exit to hug me and to greet me and to drive me home. Every time I come home, that first moment when I walk into my room has a huge impact on me. Why? Because as soon as you walk into an intimate space, you feel an overwhelming rush of memories that just hit you. My bedroom how it was as I had left it March 2006 and now May 2006. It's been preserved perfectly as I had left it.
I remember May 23rd oh so clearly. I woke up to my alarm, excitedly dressed and cleaned up and made sure I had all the stuff I needed to ensure a smooth transition from taxi to plane to Toronto. I relished looking over the landscape as we hovered over Toronto- it was beautiful. When I got home to wait for Andrew, I took a walk and felt this overwhelming sense of joy. I didn't have to worry about anything, I had just arrived back home, I just started my holiday- the summer was new and young. Full of mystery, hope and excitement.
And now it's almost the end of July. And I fear.
When I go back to New York there won't be any welcoming faces. I will pick up my luggage and hail a taxi and go back to the apartment. And I will walk into that apartment as I had left it on May 23, 2006 perfectly preserved as if it was the day that I had left on all over again. Except school is going to start.
I'm so frightened.
And I've started crying. I don't think it's a good idea for me to write so late at night. I get too caught up and emotional.
I can't simply hop on the Greyhound and go home. I can't pick up Chinese groceries and homecooked meals from my mom to bring back to my apartment. I can't escape from my roommate when I need space by simply returning to my bedroom in Toronto. I can't return to the same familiar church every Sunday. I don't have the luxury of having old high school friends around me.
I've always 'envied' those who have Christian friends in their university which they had known during high school or through friends. Grace's roommates are all Christian and they know Sam and Sam knows etc etc.
But this year Robyn will also be in New York as well as Julia who will be going to dance school half an hour away from Manhattan in White Plains, NY.
I think when I establish some solid friendships in New York, I will be happy and less afraid. Really what I dread about going back is that I won't have that nice, cozy coccoon of family and friends.
I should be grateful for being in New York and having my 'own' apartment. I should, and I am but I feel heavily burdened.
I know when I get back, I will fall back into the rhythm of things and things won't seem so bad. I hope that a few months down the road that this entry will be a testament to God's faithfulness; that I'd look back and realize how good God is and how He always will be.
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