Love Song// A Love that Requires Sacrifice
If I had to choose one favourite love song (and worship songs don't count), funnily enough it would be If There Is No Tomorrow (Ru Guo Mei You Ming Tian) by the Taiwanese boy band, K One.
I see all the irony in all this: I don't understand what the heck they're saying except for the part "I don't want to lose you" (perhaps it's because I don't know what they're saying, so I don't get sick of it) and that it's a boy band that consists of five girly looking guys with bad MVs AND they steal a part of this Mozart piece for their intro.
But I still like it.
I've listened to it 448 times since May 07.
I told you I was good at killing songs.
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Who do you talk to when you have a problem or a secret? Who do you ask for advice pertaining to matters of the heart?
Although it's only been a short period of time since retreat, I've been thinking a lot about myself and how I can build a confidence within me that does not rely on the opinions of others.
As an artist/designer, I've always somewhat based my value/worth on the critique of others. If they loved my work, I felt good about myself- I did a good job. However, if they tore down my design, it really hurt: the sad thing about art is that you can spend hours and hours on one piece, thinking you did well, and show up at critique where all your fellow students can take it down.
It seems that whenever I talk to others, I talk to myself simultaneously.
"Hey John" did that sound stupid? Why is my voice so low?
"What's up? How are you doing?" I wonder if I have chocolate on my teeth. Crap. Don't smile too wide
"Oh I haven't been doing much. Just school and small groups." Ugh, I sound like such a dull person. Should I elaborate on something...
I remember reading this in some book about how your inner dialogue shows you just how you view yourself. The lack of self confidence hinders one from focusing on the other person and hurts the growth of the relationship.
So the other night I began to share and talk to people to see how they would (or have) solve this problem of self consciousness. One referred me to a book and another just nodded and said she understood. I called Robyn and we talked for about two hours. When I asked her the question, she said, "It's a slow process of realizing that what other people think of you doesn't matter. I am continually being reminded of this when I read the Bible,"
Could that be the answer?
To be honest, I haven't been doing my devos for a loooong time. There was some spiritual barrier that just I could psychologically could not get out of. To put it bluntly, it was out of laziness. Although I appreciated doing Bible Studies, I disliked the rather dryness and lack of ideas in interpreting the Bible all by myself.
But if I am cutting off one communication line between God and I, how am I supposed to root myself in all that He is, was and will be? How am I supposed to understand who I am and build confidence and trust in Him if I don't read in a text that accounts for thousands of testimonies in Christ?
Love requires some kind of sacrifice. Without sacrifice there is no pain; if there is no pain there is no struggle; if there is no struggle, there is no depth; if there is no depth there is no love.
(did I really just say that- it sounds kinda deep. Maybe I just ripped it off of some author sub consciously. That's what reading does to you- you can read your whole life as a textbook or close it and try living it. At least you'd be original- Good Will Hunting reference for those who are not in the know).
Anyway, the realization I came to was that, "Sam, if you want to understand God better and understand yourself commit to getting up earlier- sacrifice that extra sleep and devote it to God. For all that He has already done for you and what He will do, it's worth the effort."
So this morning I got up fifteen minutes earlier and crawled to my desk which had the book of Galatians open. The night before, I did some research on the historical context of Galatians (sadly, on Wikipedia but there was no other site I could find more reliable source on. How sad). Initially I was going to do Acts but decided to do Galatians out of reasons I will not write here.
Bleh, this may be the devil's way of discouraging me from getting up earlier in the morning, but I caught a cold today. How convenient. I'm so tired.
Here goes to earlier mornings. All this I do for You in hopes of making me into a holier person.
What are you willing to sacrifice?
I see all the irony in all this: I don't understand what the heck they're saying except for the part "I don't want to lose you" (perhaps it's because I don't know what they're saying, so I don't get sick of it) and that it's a boy band that consists of five girly looking guys with bad MVs AND they steal a part of this Mozart piece for their intro.
But I still like it.
I've listened to it 448 times since May 07.
I told you I was good at killing songs.
--------------------------------------------------------
Who do you talk to when you have a problem or a secret? Who do you ask for advice pertaining to matters of the heart?
Although it's only been a short period of time since retreat, I've been thinking a lot about myself and how I can build a confidence within me that does not rely on the opinions of others.
As an artist/designer, I've always somewhat based my value/worth on the critique of others. If they loved my work, I felt good about myself- I did a good job. However, if they tore down my design, it really hurt: the sad thing about art is that you can spend hours and hours on one piece, thinking you did well, and show up at critique where all your fellow students can take it down.
It seems that whenever I talk to others, I talk to myself simultaneously.
"Hey John" did that sound stupid? Why is my voice so low?
"What's up? How are you doing?" I wonder if I have chocolate on my teeth. Crap. Don't smile too wide
"Oh I haven't been doing much. Just school and small groups." Ugh, I sound like such a dull person. Should I elaborate on something...
I remember reading this in some book about how your inner dialogue shows you just how you view yourself. The lack of self confidence hinders one from focusing on the other person and hurts the growth of the relationship.
So the other night I began to share and talk to people to see how they would (or have) solve this problem of self consciousness. One referred me to a book and another just nodded and said she understood. I called Robyn and we talked for about two hours. When I asked her the question, she said, "It's a slow process of realizing that what other people think of you doesn't matter. I am continually being reminded of this when I read the Bible,"
Could that be the answer?
To be honest, I haven't been doing my devos for a loooong time. There was some spiritual barrier that just I could psychologically could not get out of. To put it bluntly, it was out of laziness. Although I appreciated doing Bible Studies, I disliked the rather dryness and lack of ideas in interpreting the Bible all by myself.
But if I am cutting off one communication line between God and I, how am I supposed to root myself in all that He is, was and will be? How am I supposed to understand who I am and build confidence and trust in Him if I don't read in a text that accounts for thousands of testimonies in Christ?
Love requires some kind of sacrifice. Without sacrifice there is no pain; if there is no pain there is no struggle; if there is no struggle, there is no depth; if there is no depth there is no love.
(did I really just say that- it sounds kinda deep. Maybe I just ripped it off of some author sub consciously. That's what reading does to you- you can read your whole life as a textbook or close it and try living it. At least you'd be original- Good Will Hunting reference for those who are not in the know).
Anyway, the realization I came to was that, "Sam, if you want to understand God better and understand yourself commit to getting up earlier- sacrifice that extra sleep and devote it to God. For all that He has already done for you and what He will do, it's worth the effort."
So this morning I got up fifteen minutes earlier and crawled to my desk which had the book of Galatians open. The night before, I did some research on the historical context of Galatians (sadly, on Wikipedia but there was no other site I could find more reliable source on. How sad). Initially I was going to do Acts but decided to do Galatians out of reasons I will not write here.
Bleh, this may be the devil's way of discouraging me from getting up earlier in the morning, but I caught a cold today. How convenient. I'm so tired.
Here goes to earlier mornings. All this I do for You in hopes of making me into a holier person.
What are you willing to sacrifice?
1 Comments:
yay!! you're doing devos again Samm =) i know what you mean though, devos are super hard to keep up with =S but apparently, it takes 21 days straight to either make or break a habit =)
hahaha, the cold you got...it was from me =p i sent my love to you through my snotty nose from toronto alllll the way down to NY =D don't you feel loved?? =p
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