Awakening Girlish Tendencies
In my effort to appear like something more, I have always hid and suppressed my feelings for the opposite sex. It seemed like something shameful, silly and stupid. "gigglegiggle thatboyiscute gigglegiggle" It somewhat disgusts me. Says me: I'm better than that- my feelings are not so- naive. They're cultured, well thought out and mature.
But I cannot deny it. Sometimes all I want to talk to about with a close girlfriend is about him. I love that feeling of being wistful and thinking of the 'what ifs'. It's like the silliest things in life become the cornerstones of some of the deepest, more intimate talks I can ever discuss with someone: boys and fashion. Both intriguing and ever changing yet I keep them locked inside of me to avoid disappointment. So long as no one knows who he is, if he finds a girlfriend before I get to him, at least the only one who will be disappointed is me and shame or the disappointment of an 'other' is non existent.
Besides, if I am a woman of Christ, should I even be actively pursuing a relationship that is beyond mere friendship? Should I not be first seeking God, and then a relationship?
Yes. I've realized in all this, being pro active is the way to go.
I've changed a lot. Changed a lot for the better.
Today I got to test out the 'Art of Seduction' theory. It was pretty successful I must say although my greatest fault is my impatience.
It was also my first day in the welcoming committee. I also joined for the after-church welcoming picnic. I was overwhelmed by the number of people I had to remember. It was not just matching faces to names, but remembering their school/work, what they study/do etc. By the end of it, I was exhausted and glazed over as I sat on the train returning from Central Park.
However, I've noticed my eagerness to get to know other people especially new people and be able to connect them with others. I think that stems from my own experiences at church as a newbie and wanting to find some connections.
So far, so good.
But I cannot deny it. Sometimes all I want to talk to about with a close girlfriend is about him. I love that feeling of being wistful and thinking of the 'what ifs'. It's like the silliest things in life become the cornerstones of some of the deepest, more intimate talks I can ever discuss with someone: boys and fashion. Both intriguing and ever changing yet I keep them locked inside of me to avoid disappointment. So long as no one knows who he is, if he finds a girlfriend before I get to him, at least the only one who will be disappointed is me and shame or the disappointment of an 'other' is non existent.
Besides, if I am a woman of Christ, should I even be actively pursuing a relationship that is beyond mere friendship? Should I not be first seeking God, and then a relationship?
Yes. I've realized in all this, being pro active is the way to go.
I've changed a lot. Changed a lot for the better.
Today I got to test out the 'Art of Seduction' theory. It was pretty successful I must say although my greatest fault is my impatience.
It was also my first day in the welcoming committee. I also joined for the after-church welcoming picnic. I was overwhelmed by the number of people I had to remember. It was not just matching faces to names, but remembering their school/work, what they study/do etc. By the end of it, I was exhausted and glazed over as I sat on the train returning from Central Park.
However, I've noticed my eagerness to get to know other people especially new people and be able to connect them with others. I think that stems from my own experiences at church as a newbie and wanting to find some connections.
So far, so good.
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