The Process of Becoming Me
My new love is hanging out by myself at Barnes and Nobles and Tisserie.
See, I'm an extrovert at heart, yet I'm a really shy person. Often people equate 'extrovert' to 'outgoing' when in fact this is wrong because I love being around people, I just am not a naturally loud person. However, in order to reach out to as many people as possible, I often have to project a larger than life image of myself than I am naturally. I have to laugh louder, talk more and in all, try harder; it's not a mask, but it's almost a more saturated version of myself to connect with more people. So it really is exhausting for me to be social. At times, I much prefer sitting down with one friend and talking about more heartfelt issues.
Anyway, so I love going to the bookstore and taking as many books as possible, lugging them upstairs to the Starbucks cafe and sitting there for hours reading. I read one novel of 91 pages. I've also started an interesting book: The Art of Seduction.
Okay before anyone starts the jaw dropping and condemning, this book has some truth in it. It essentially is a book with many Machiavellian undertones on how to 'lure' victims into becoming attracted to you by making it appear that they are under control. Yes it sounds manipulative but I thought it was pretty good. Essentially the author puts all the techniques of flirting and people's wonders on how to get a certain person to like them in the bluntest of terms and techniques.
It's a really thick book: the first half being the nine different types of seducers including ones that I definitely am not such as the Sex Siren, the Rake... and then there are the Coquettes who switch from being warm and cold and leaving people guessing. And then there are the Naturalists who bring out the child out of others and the Lavishers who ask for constant attention and need for parental nourishment and the Floating Gender types and the Mythical Goddess archetypes that project an image of the ideal. And at the end of each description is the reversal effect if things go wrong or the seducer plays up his or her part to an extreme (eg. Coquettes leaving people guessing about being warm and friendly and then suddenly cool, will frustrate them and they will eventually move on).
The second half of the book is a step by step on how to lure people into getting to notice you and develop a relationship and gives historical examples from both the romantic and political (JFK, Cleopatra, Napolean and Empress Josephine, Salome with Nietszche, Socrates, Andy Warhol, Marilyn Monroe, Marlene Dietreich, Empress Dowager, Genji, Don Juan, Josephine Baker etc). It all begins with haunting the person's periphery to let them know you exist without pushing it too far. And then so on so forth goes on developing a friendship, projecting an ideal self etc.
I know most of you look disgusted right now, but I think some of these things we do sub consciously. For example, I haunt the periphery of people I'm interested in however I get stuck at that stage and can't seem to go forward from there. I realized, in reading this book, that all it comes down to is confidence. Straight and simple as that. You can deceive a lot of people just by looking them in the eye and smiling. There was also an interesting chapter about 'anti seducers'- those who embody characteristics that are not appealing to others such as blubberers: those who seem so conscious of you talking to them but in fact are just self conscious and insecure. I can't phrase it correctly but it was something I realized that was wrong in myself and needs improving upon.
Looking at myself, I'm not any particular type of seducer. Because of what the Church says, I have no idea how to flirt thus I just.. don't do anything. Lol. If anything, my strongest point is really random: as the book says, is to pay attention to details and 'put on a performance' in terms of the senses. Because I'm in fashion, design and art, it's kind of automatic for me to cover those bases- and not for men, but for myself because it's fun.
Personally I think we cannot discredit books likes these because of a title or that it's not sold in Mitchells. I read the book, knowing that it may go against some of my values, but understand that there is some truth in it.
If that doesn't convince you, don't worry, I'm not going to do something rash and become some female Don Juan. I was conversing with a friend, and we realized what we needed was the exact opposite of each other: I need/want a boyfriend to take me to another learning relational horizon and more friends while she needs to learn to have a tighter circle of friends rather than spreading herself out too thinly.
But I'm getting better. I have to rejoice because my roomie said her best friend mentioned that I have become more friendly and open compared to first and second year. And then my other friend asked me yesterday if I considered myself shy or outgoing. When I replied 'shy', she said "yeah because I've noticed that you've become a lot more approachable, friendly and open."
Sweet, I'm making progress. This is a verbal/physical marker that I am becoming less self conscious, insecure and uptight; more confident and willing to give more of myself. I'm slowly becoming the person I was created to be.
See, I'm an extrovert at heart, yet I'm a really shy person. Often people equate 'extrovert' to 'outgoing' when in fact this is wrong because I love being around people, I just am not a naturally loud person. However, in order to reach out to as many people as possible, I often have to project a larger than life image of myself than I am naturally. I have to laugh louder, talk more and in all, try harder; it's not a mask, but it's almost a more saturated version of myself to connect with more people. So it really is exhausting for me to be social. At times, I much prefer sitting down with one friend and talking about more heartfelt issues.
Anyway, so I love going to the bookstore and taking as many books as possible, lugging them upstairs to the Starbucks cafe and sitting there for hours reading. I read one novel of 91 pages. I've also started an interesting book: The Art of Seduction.
Okay before anyone starts the jaw dropping and condemning, this book has some truth in it. It essentially is a book with many Machiavellian undertones on how to 'lure' victims into becoming attracted to you by making it appear that they are under control. Yes it sounds manipulative but I thought it was pretty good. Essentially the author puts all the techniques of flirting and people's wonders on how to get a certain person to like them in the bluntest of terms and techniques.
It's a really thick book: the first half being the nine different types of seducers including ones that I definitely am not such as the Sex Siren, the Rake... and then there are the Coquettes who switch from being warm and cold and leaving people guessing. And then there are the Naturalists who bring out the child out of others and the Lavishers who ask for constant attention and need for parental nourishment and the Floating Gender types and the Mythical Goddess archetypes that project an image of the ideal. And at the end of each description is the reversal effect if things go wrong or the seducer plays up his or her part to an extreme (eg. Coquettes leaving people guessing about being warm and friendly and then suddenly cool, will frustrate them and they will eventually move on).
The second half of the book is a step by step on how to lure people into getting to notice you and develop a relationship and gives historical examples from both the romantic and political (JFK, Cleopatra, Napolean and Empress Josephine, Salome with Nietszche, Socrates, Andy Warhol, Marilyn Monroe, Marlene Dietreich, Empress Dowager, Genji, Don Juan, Josephine Baker etc). It all begins with haunting the person's periphery to let them know you exist without pushing it too far. And then so on so forth goes on developing a friendship, projecting an ideal self etc.
I know most of you look disgusted right now, but I think some of these things we do sub consciously. For example, I haunt the periphery of people I'm interested in however I get stuck at that stage and can't seem to go forward from there. I realized, in reading this book, that all it comes down to is confidence. Straight and simple as that. You can deceive a lot of people just by looking them in the eye and smiling. There was also an interesting chapter about 'anti seducers'- those who embody characteristics that are not appealing to others such as blubberers: those who seem so conscious of you talking to them but in fact are just self conscious and insecure. I can't phrase it correctly but it was something I realized that was wrong in myself and needs improving upon.
Looking at myself, I'm not any particular type of seducer. Because of what the Church says, I have no idea how to flirt thus I just.. don't do anything. Lol. If anything, my strongest point is really random: as the book says, is to pay attention to details and 'put on a performance' in terms of the senses. Because I'm in fashion, design and art, it's kind of automatic for me to cover those bases- and not for men, but for myself because it's fun.
Personally I think we cannot discredit books likes these because of a title or that it's not sold in Mitchells. I read the book, knowing that it may go against some of my values, but understand that there is some truth in it.
If that doesn't convince you, don't worry, I'm not going to do something rash and become some female Don Juan. I was conversing with a friend, and we realized what we needed was the exact opposite of each other: I need/want a boyfriend to take me to another learning relational horizon and more friends while she needs to learn to have a tighter circle of friends rather than spreading herself out too thinly.
But I'm getting better. I have to rejoice because my roomie said her best friend mentioned that I have become more friendly and open compared to first and second year. And then my other friend asked me yesterday if I considered myself shy or outgoing. When I replied 'shy', she said "yeah because I've noticed that you've become a lot more approachable, friendly and open."
Sweet, I'm making progress. This is a verbal/physical marker that I am becoming less self conscious, insecure and uptight; more confident and willing to give more of myself. I'm slowly becoming the person I was created to be.
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