When You Believe// Towers of Babel
My roommate put this song on, bleary-eyed as we got ready to go to school this morning. Here's the Prince of Egypt 'When You Believe' Original Movie Version
And of course there's the Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey version. Although I dislike Mariah Carey's newer stuff, she has some serious talent. Singing live to an audience and singing it well is one of those rather rare talents in the midst of computer refined voices.
And just for kicks...in Japanese!
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
I cried when I heard this song today.
I'm at that point in my life again where I can get overly emotional about things: I'm still at the fragile stage where I'm trying to readjust back to life here. I find myself really enjoying sappy, romantic music and things and wanting a boyfriend (to which I try to get ahold of myself and shake myself back into reality). As much as I dislike this whole uprooting and replanting process, it forces me to rely on something greater than myself for I recognize the fact that I really cannot do anything on my own.
If I settled in Toronto, I don't think I'd be happy. During the summer holidays, though I was happy, something inside of me wanted to stir up some pain and feeling.
The funny thing about life is that while most of us go searching for a life of happiness, when we obtain what the world defines as 'success', we subconsciously go searching for pain and sadness to make us feel human again. When we plateau on the pleasure of success, boredom ensues, and the desire to feel something other than happiness, sets some off on the path to disaster.
Take a few key 'culture' (I hate to define these people as markers of our culture because I think our culture is more than this but for the sake of using this word, I will) characters in society, such as Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton or Winona Ryder, their lives have always been quite ideal. But they're bored hence the shoplifting, drugs and constant drinking. They want to feel something other than what they've been feeling all their lives.
I see that in myself. You wonder why the artists and writers are always portrayed dressed in all black, delirious and extremely emo. It's because when we feel, is when we best express ourselves and ironically enough, riding on the pinnacles of sadness or sheer joy, is when the best work surfaces.
When I'm happy for too long, I find ways to search for ills in my life. It may sound like utter madness but prolonged happiness does not, ironically, make me happy. It makes my life feel mundane and boring. Pain and sadness becomes our search for happiness for happiness in the entity as we knew it, was not enough.
The clearest points of happiness in my life have always been accompanied by dark and painful times. Like I wrote in the past, some of the most beautiful pieces of art have a focal point of dazzling white with a spot of velvet darkness next to it to allow the purity of the white to shine.
Smaller examples include my gr12 English class in which I became so obsessed with proving to my teacher and peers that I was more than adequate in something. And I received a 57% on this personal essay which completely devastated me. Though, in the end, I wasn't exactly happy with my 80 something grade, I'm very proud of my writing and presenting skills. I've gained a lot of confidence in my English because my ego and pride first got a beating. When people in UHS ask me for recommendations on English teachers, I'd honestly name the two hardest teachers I got because those tears were worth what I got out of it.
A more recent example was my philosophy class last year. I don't consider myself very philosophical, I just write about my life and how I perceive it as I experience it.
It was hard. Not because I'm not a reader of philosophical texts, but having to understand the intricacies of a thought and having to write about it without stating my own opinion was difficult. It was hard for me to really delve into the text over and over again and really try to understand the philosopher's arguments and train of thought and have to rearrange his ideas into one cohesive linear path. But even more difficult was when I faced a rather unexpected friendship issue within this class, which I personally found very emotionally straining and hard to overcome. It's sad when friends betray you and break your trust.
But in the end, God knows all that we need, and will satisfy it no matter how murky the future may appear to us.
I think one of the larger things in life that I have somewhat overcome, was my spirit of passivity. I went into my summer holidays determined to become closer with established relationships and create new ones, and I'm very much satisfied in what has become of them.
That pain and unhappiness that I've felt for the past few years, I now know and understand the answer to that question I asked a year ago. I know how to get out of that rut of loneliness and isolation.
Towers of Babel
The single form of a language was made to unite people. The creation of multiple languages was made to divide people.
I realized, in my search for some solid friendships, that there are people who intentionally and unintentionally set out to hurt you despite your good intentions.
This summer I encountered two individuals within the church who really hurt me emotionally. I guess I say this in slight bitterness, but thanks to them I feel like a lesser person at times and when times of uncertainty come, their words come back to haunt me. Verbal abuse is cunning like that, when it first comes to you, you brush it off as a mean joke, but emboldens the person to say more when the opportunities are presented. And before you know it, you have to stop something that you initially thought was something small.
From a very young age, I have been made fun of and those hurtful comments which came from the very lips of those who I called my 'best friends' have been engrained into my brain. At the age of 13, I remember one guy who would turn every comment I made into an insult that was hurled back at me. And then there is my brother and those two other people this summer. I have my reasons for thinking males mature a lot slower than females, precisely because they can't seem to hold their tongues.
When I set out determined to learn a language this summer, I didn't expect it to drive me away from two people I was trying to get to know. In the end, I decided the only way for me to be free of their condescending thoughts, was to just cut ties from them; remain polite but keep my distance.
The funny thing in all this is that courage, bravery and humility are always laughed at. My desire is to learn my mothertongue which I lost many years ago. So I try. I no longer hang out at Markville or Hillcrest Mall or Eatons, you'll see me at FMP or P Mall twice a week wandering around by myself threading in and out of stores. When the sales clerk address me in English (they have this weird intuition and somehow know I don't speak Canto), I reply in what Canto I know.
Once I was hanging out with a few friends, one laughed at my Cantonese and mimicked whatever 'accent' I have, yet when I challenged her to speak in Canto, she declined.
I don't understand, those who know more Canto than I, never speak it for fear of failing. Yet my Canto is not that great, yet I try, and get made fun of by those very people who were first afraid of speaking it. Then again, one of those friends who so irked me during the summer, speaks more or less perfect Canto and loves to speak it in front of both Chinese and non Chinese people (which I find extremely rude because nothing is more isolating when you can't understand what others are talking about due to the language barrier).
So you tell me which is of the nobler pursuits, the one who tries or the one who doesn't? The one who uses a skill to step on others or one who humbles himself to learn something new?
It's easy to pick and say, but it's a lot harder to do.
And of course there's the Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey version. Although I dislike Mariah Carey's newer stuff, she has some serious talent. Singing live to an audience and singing it well is one of those rather rare talents in the midst of computer refined voices.
And just for kicks...in Japanese!
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
I cried when I heard this song today.
I'm at that point in my life again where I can get overly emotional about things: I'm still at the fragile stage where I'm trying to readjust back to life here. I find myself really enjoying sappy, romantic music and things and wanting a boyfriend (to which I try to get ahold of myself and shake myself back into reality). As much as I dislike this whole uprooting and replanting process, it forces me to rely on something greater than myself for I recognize the fact that I really cannot do anything on my own.
If I settled in Toronto, I don't think I'd be happy. During the summer holidays, though I was happy, something inside of me wanted to stir up some pain and feeling.
The funny thing about life is that while most of us go searching for a life of happiness, when we obtain what the world defines as 'success', we subconsciously go searching for pain and sadness to make us feel human again. When we plateau on the pleasure of success, boredom ensues, and the desire to feel something other than happiness, sets some off on the path to disaster.
Take a few key 'culture' (I hate to define these people as markers of our culture because I think our culture is more than this but for the sake of using this word, I will) characters in society, such as Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton or Winona Ryder, their lives have always been quite ideal. But they're bored hence the shoplifting, drugs and constant drinking. They want to feel something other than what they've been feeling all their lives.
I see that in myself. You wonder why the artists and writers are always portrayed dressed in all black, delirious and extremely emo. It's because when we feel, is when we best express ourselves and ironically enough, riding on the pinnacles of sadness or sheer joy, is when the best work surfaces.
When I'm happy for too long, I find ways to search for ills in my life. It may sound like utter madness but prolonged happiness does not, ironically, make me happy. It makes my life feel mundane and boring. Pain and sadness becomes our search for happiness for happiness in the entity as we knew it, was not enough.
The clearest points of happiness in my life have always been accompanied by dark and painful times. Like I wrote in the past, some of the most beautiful pieces of art have a focal point of dazzling white with a spot of velvet darkness next to it to allow the purity of the white to shine.
Smaller examples include my gr12 English class in which I became so obsessed with proving to my teacher and peers that I was more than adequate in something. And I received a 57% on this personal essay which completely devastated me. Though, in the end, I wasn't exactly happy with my 80 something grade, I'm very proud of my writing and presenting skills. I've gained a lot of confidence in my English because my ego and pride first got a beating. When people in UHS ask me for recommendations on English teachers, I'd honestly name the two hardest teachers I got because those tears were worth what I got out of it.
A more recent example was my philosophy class last year. I don't consider myself very philosophical, I just write about my life and how I perceive it as I experience it.
It was hard. Not because I'm not a reader of philosophical texts, but having to understand the intricacies of a thought and having to write about it without stating my own opinion was difficult. It was hard for me to really delve into the text over and over again and really try to understand the philosopher's arguments and train of thought and have to rearrange his ideas into one cohesive linear path. But even more difficult was when I faced a rather unexpected friendship issue within this class, which I personally found very emotionally straining and hard to overcome. It's sad when friends betray you and break your trust.
But in the end, God knows all that we need, and will satisfy it no matter how murky the future may appear to us.
I think one of the larger things in life that I have somewhat overcome, was my spirit of passivity. I went into my summer holidays determined to become closer with established relationships and create new ones, and I'm very much satisfied in what has become of them.
That pain and unhappiness that I've felt for the past few years, I now know and understand the answer to that question I asked a year ago. I know how to get out of that rut of loneliness and isolation.
Towers of Babel
The single form of a language was made to unite people. The creation of multiple languages was made to divide people.
I realized, in my search for some solid friendships, that there are people who intentionally and unintentionally set out to hurt you despite your good intentions.
This summer I encountered two individuals within the church who really hurt me emotionally. I guess I say this in slight bitterness, but thanks to them I feel like a lesser person at times and when times of uncertainty come, their words come back to haunt me. Verbal abuse is cunning like that, when it first comes to you, you brush it off as a mean joke, but emboldens the person to say more when the opportunities are presented. And before you know it, you have to stop something that you initially thought was something small.
From a very young age, I have been made fun of and those hurtful comments which came from the very lips of those who I called my 'best friends' have been engrained into my brain. At the age of 13, I remember one guy who would turn every comment I made into an insult that was hurled back at me. And then there is my brother and those two other people this summer. I have my reasons for thinking males mature a lot slower than females, precisely because they can't seem to hold their tongues.
When I set out determined to learn a language this summer, I didn't expect it to drive me away from two people I was trying to get to know. In the end, I decided the only way for me to be free of their condescending thoughts, was to just cut ties from them; remain polite but keep my distance.
The funny thing in all this is that courage, bravery and humility are always laughed at. My desire is to learn my mothertongue which I lost many years ago. So I try. I no longer hang out at Markville or Hillcrest Mall or Eatons, you'll see me at FMP or P Mall twice a week wandering around by myself threading in and out of stores. When the sales clerk address me in English (they have this weird intuition and somehow know I don't speak Canto), I reply in what Canto I know.
Once I was hanging out with a few friends, one laughed at my Cantonese and mimicked whatever 'accent' I have, yet when I challenged her to speak in Canto, she declined.
I don't understand, those who know more Canto than I, never speak it for fear of failing. Yet my Canto is not that great, yet I try, and get made fun of by those very people who were first afraid of speaking it. Then again, one of those friends who so irked me during the summer, speaks more or less perfect Canto and loves to speak it in front of both Chinese and non Chinese people (which I find extremely rude because nothing is more isolating when you can't understand what others are talking about due to the language barrier).
So you tell me which is of the nobler pursuits, the one who tries or the one who doesn't? The one who uses a skill to step on others or one who humbles himself to learn something new?
It's easy to pick and say, but it's a lot harder to do.
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