Let Love In//Film Noire: Looking Through the Cinematic Lens at Life
Let Love In
You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to believe
157 times thus far. I like this song so much because, I don't know, I just feel like that girl standing there- standing in that auditorium, smiling, greeting them one by one and tell them to move towards the front of the stage to be seated by another usher.
On one hand I feel like I'm contributing to the church, yet on the other, I feel so empty. Like I'm trying to glorify God by making others feel welcome; it feels like I'm skipping stones in a pond.
I'm standing on the brink of wanting to go back to the way I used to be- not allowing myself to open up to people, not being involved at church, to invest little time in persons and more time in work. I'm filled with a different kind of sadness- not one of loneliness as one- but a sense of hopelessness because all I can see are details- I can't seem to envision the larger picture at the moment.
It's not that all my efforts are in vain- I've started to become 'close' with a couple of them but I still don't feel woven in the church fabric.
Today we sang one of my favourite old songs: As the Deer. It's been a long time.
Why oh why, is life not like a Japanese drama? I just finished the first series of Hana Yori Dango (Flowers over Boys) that was recommended to me by Auggie and Kev. I like it- it's a little cliche and a little cheesy but it's pretty addictive. You know it's not real- the bad guy falls for the cute, lonely girl and suddenly turns his whole life around and becomes a good person... all in one episode!
If life was only like that.
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Film Noire: Looking Through the Cinematic Lens at Life
How do you perceive life? View all that surrounds you? How do you make life bearable when you feel like you can't go on?
I love movies that portray the dullest activities and objects into some of the most beautiful things in the world. My favourites are the cutting vegetable intro scene in 'Girl with a Pearl Earring', a two second shot of milk being poured into a porcelain jug in 'Marie Antoinette', a sigh from the main character in some Japanese drama I'm watching and in 'Memoirs of a Geisha', Gong Li with her matted wet hair on skin- standing in the pouring rain with little Chiyo- each swallowing the loss of freedom- free in the physical sense and to love.
It makes my life more bearable, more enchanting, when I view myself as the main character of my own story. I see life, many times, in the eyes of a camera. In the perspective of the Other. In my own world, the five senses are heightened. It just makes me pay attention to sounds, gestures, the atmosphere, light and colour. I can't explain it- I know I sound retarded. But as you see a movie, so I see my life as one.
When I'm tired, sad, depressed, bored- I cocoon myself in a shroud of cinematic fantasy which is essentially my reality as is painted with a wash of colour and light. It's not the same as playing Final Fantasy or Halo, per se, where you star as another character in another world; mine is one of the world as is but beautified in sort of shift in perspective.
It's why I am constantly surrounding myself with pretty things. As I look around my desk area: deep red dried rose, a bottle of Godiva liqueur (I didn't drink it- it was a birthday present from my roomie and I added a black bow with a gold/pearl flower to it), an Italian glass tea cup with saucer, a Modern hourglass, a dried peony and red felt heart from Vinci, a present still wrapped up in brown paper with a large lavender tulle bow on it (if you want me to open your present, wrap it ugly or else I won't open it. this one has been sitting around for three years now unopened), pictures of art, Gong Li, makeup, Robyn and I and macaroons.
When I feel sad, I just look at some of these things, these nuances in life, and I feel a little better.
Beyond the visual, my love for movie soundtrack music transcends into this realm between reality and fantasy.
Gladiator, LOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean, Requiem for a Dream, Memoirs of a Geisha, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Lust Caution, Love Actually, Disney classics, The Chorus.... the music just shapes the movie- molds and refines the entire movie experience and acts as vehicle in moving you from reality to fantasy.
Who does not wish they had a soundtrack tailored to their life? If you could pick a soundtrack that reflects your life, which one would it be? I'm just drawn to all the emotion, drama and visual stimulation original soundtracks (OSTs) provide. Some pieces of music don't entice me until they're put in a film or a tv series- and then I just start warming up to them because it brings to mind a certain character or a certain scene.
Uh, my new obsession of a song:Chinese Paladin OST. It's from the series 'Chinese Paladin'- I've never watched it but I was listening to a really random mix of Asian/hip hop/R&B mix on this Asian music dling site and I love love this one as well as the instrumental version. It's just one of those really cool dramatic/operatic/mystical MOVIE songs. Actually it's not that dramatic but it's just a really good song (instrumental one is better :P)
You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to believe
157 times thus far. I like this song so much because, I don't know, I just feel like that girl standing there- standing in that auditorium, smiling, greeting them one by one and tell them to move towards the front of the stage to be seated by another usher.
On one hand I feel like I'm contributing to the church, yet on the other, I feel so empty. Like I'm trying to glorify God by making others feel welcome; it feels like I'm skipping stones in a pond.
I'm standing on the brink of wanting to go back to the way I used to be- not allowing myself to open up to people, not being involved at church, to invest little time in persons and more time in work. I'm filled with a different kind of sadness- not one of loneliness as one- but a sense of hopelessness because all I can see are details- I can't seem to envision the larger picture at the moment.
It's not that all my efforts are in vain- I've started to become 'close' with a couple of them but I still don't feel woven in the church fabric.
Today we sang one of my favourite old songs: As the Deer. It's been a long time.
Why oh why, is life not like a Japanese drama? I just finished the first series of Hana Yori Dango (Flowers over Boys) that was recommended to me by Auggie and Kev. I like it- it's a little cliche and a little cheesy but it's pretty addictive. You know it's not real- the bad guy falls for the cute, lonely girl and suddenly turns his whole life around and becomes a good person... all in one episode!
If life was only like that.
---------------------------------------------------------
Film Noire: Looking Through the Cinematic Lens at Life
How do you perceive life? View all that surrounds you? How do you make life bearable when you feel like you can't go on?
I love movies that portray the dullest activities and objects into some of the most beautiful things in the world. My favourites are the cutting vegetable intro scene in 'Girl with a Pearl Earring', a two second shot of milk being poured into a porcelain jug in 'Marie Antoinette', a sigh from the main character in some Japanese drama I'm watching and in 'Memoirs of a Geisha', Gong Li with her matted wet hair on skin- standing in the pouring rain with little Chiyo- each swallowing the loss of freedom- free in the physical sense and to love.
It makes my life more bearable, more enchanting, when I view myself as the main character of my own story. I see life, many times, in the eyes of a camera. In the perspective of the Other. In my own world, the five senses are heightened. It just makes me pay attention to sounds, gestures, the atmosphere, light and colour. I can't explain it- I know I sound retarded. But as you see a movie, so I see my life as one.
When I'm tired, sad, depressed, bored- I cocoon myself in a shroud of cinematic fantasy which is essentially my reality as is painted with a wash of colour and light. It's not the same as playing Final Fantasy or Halo, per se, where you star as another character in another world; mine is one of the world as is but beautified in sort of shift in perspective.
It's why I am constantly surrounding myself with pretty things. As I look around my desk area: deep red dried rose, a bottle of Godiva liqueur (I didn't drink it- it was a birthday present from my roomie and I added a black bow with a gold/pearl flower to it), an Italian glass tea cup with saucer, a Modern hourglass, a dried peony and red felt heart from Vinci, a present still wrapped up in brown paper with a large lavender tulle bow on it (if you want me to open your present, wrap it ugly or else I won't open it. this one has been sitting around for three years now unopened), pictures of art, Gong Li, makeup, Robyn and I and macaroons.
When I feel sad, I just look at some of these things, these nuances in life, and I feel a little better.
Beyond the visual, my love for movie soundtrack music transcends into this realm between reality and fantasy.
Gladiator, LOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean, Requiem for a Dream, Memoirs of a Geisha, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Lust Caution, Love Actually, Disney classics, The Chorus.... the music just shapes the movie- molds and refines the entire movie experience and acts as vehicle in moving you from reality to fantasy.
Who does not wish they had a soundtrack tailored to their life? If you could pick a soundtrack that reflects your life, which one would it be? I'm just drawn to all the emotion, drama and visual stimulation original soundtracks (OSTs) provide. Some pieces of music don't entice me until they're put in a film or a tv series- and then I just start warming up to them because it brings to mind a certain character or a certain scene.
Uh, my new obsession of a song:Chinese Paladin OST. It's from the series 'Chinese Paladin'- I've never watched it but I was listening to a really random mix of Asian/hip hop/R&B mix on this Asian music dling site and I love love this one as well as the instrumental version. It's just one of those really cool dramatic/operatic/mystical MOVIE songs. Actually it's not that dramatic but it's just a really good song (instrumental one is better :P)
1 Comments:
hahaha Chinese Paladin.. its interesting but the drama is not that great. pretty good i guess. but yeah, life is never like jdramas or else, who would watch them?! it's all about fantasies.
I feel the same way here, back at home.. it's a hard feeling to let go or ignore. but just remember that you're there and serving for God not anyone else. and that only will make a lot of difference. :)
I miss you! come back soon.
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