Wow there are so many blogs out there that I went through from Sam's blog. It's funny how church people are all connected. I've pulled myself away and I feel so far from them compared to the last couple of years when we had bbqs at my house and 'jammed' and watched White Oleander... and chowed down a bag of Tostitos.. and bought supplies for the bbq and we ate the chicken wings half raw because it was so dark when we cooked them. I remember he introduced me to Skillet and I thought it was way to heavy for me. II remember just chilling at Angie's apartment for a couple of hours the last summer.. Now I hardly know them at all.
There are times when I feel compelled to offer some deep insight in some 'issue' to shatter any type of shallowness people see in me. I know I'm looked upon as a shopaholic and I'm a total magazine junkie and love fashion.. but those things have always had a negative connotation attached to them: frivolity, self-centeredness and materialism. I think we have all had this idea that those who have a love for the 'outer things' equate to 'shallow blonde bimbos'. Yet for such a long time I've almost try to hide this part of me... stealing the fashion section of the Toronto Star every Thursday and stashing it under my bed... read it when no one was looking. Then I'd buy magazines and hide them in my backpack so none of my friends knew. It's been happening for so long but now I've been more vocal about it to my parents. There are few people out there who actually love fashion and know the industry people... most people only know the typical ones such as Gucci, Chanel, Versace, and Dolce and Gabbana. But have they heard of Proenza Schouler (they graduated from Parsons), Narciso Rodriguez, Doo. Ri, Sarafpour, Imitation of Christ, Elie Saab, Lanvin, Michael Kors (Parsons), Valentino, Mouret? I only recall two friends who share this 'passion' with me. When people came over to my house, I swept my room clean of any trace of magazines or pictures.. I'd put more 'intellectual' books or magazines such as my Christian apologetics or some humanitarian aid book on top of my Vogues or Instyles. I confess to be a follower of 'Project Runway' and even 'worse', 'America's Next Top Model'... I think in our 'christian thinking' or our social standings, these things are pretty useless and stupid shows to watch,.. but I really do love seeing their photo shoots and their creativity through their pieces. I never told anyone I watched the latter show.. my politics teacher once said about the show that "it is one of those shows in which you only secretly watch". It's more drama than true industry but I still like it... I've never told anyone I watched it unless they were followers themselves who wouldn't judge you. When peers asked to see photos on my computer, I'd get nervous when running through countless images of the runway. I remember for a time, we had the fashion channel (a specialty channel like Raps tv) and I'd watch it with my finger on the 'last' button on my controller just in case my mother came in to check what I was watching in which I'd quickly switch to another channel. But now I think I've been almost denying myself of something that I truly love. Though I am naive as to how the industry really works I believe that I've slowly let that part of me show. Then again, there are times when I find myself being teased, and I snatch it back again. Who I am is part of what I love. At fifth period, I tensed when Jay picked up my quick sketches filled with faces with exaggerated hairstyles and bodies for tomorrow's photo shoot (for my friend's birthday present and a part of my art assignment.. simulating another rendition of a specific artist's work). He pointed to how ugly the miniature figures were. I know he was kidding: he always does that. But I flinched nevertheless smiling because.. what else can I do? It's different when a non-artist comes to you and says it's ugly .... because he/she doesn't do art. But when it comes from the mouth of another AY Visual, it hurts. Through this semester of art, where we had the freedom to choose what artist to research and through the recycled project, I've realized that I have done nothing with interiors but everything with fashion. Julia mentioned yesterday that her mom had said "She (me) must really want to go to Parsons since she is still considering that university when the other (pratt) has offered her a $36,000 scholarship." Yes I must be one of those insane people who can't be bribed by large Presidential scholarships.
So is this my passion? Have I found it but am still trying to suppress it? As I said in an earlier entry, how does one find her own passion? What if she denies it and is afraid that people will automatically think she is just shallow? I wonder if i've truly found what I love to do yet am still holding onto fear. As my mom had said, she believes that God has allowed me to make the choice because she knows that wherever I go, He will go with me. And from moving so many times and having seen the countless times He has been faithful, I think He will never forsake me (side note: I found it so interesting when pastor herman pointed out that in the New Testament, it mentioned God's faithfulness/loyalty more times than His love. Quote me if I'm wrong). Now thinking, I believe I'm compatible for both careers and that I have the God-given talent to go into whichever I please. I'm just afraid to take that first step: that decision for which university.
There are times when I feel compelled to offer some deep insight in some 'issue' to shatter any type of shallowness people see in me. I know I'm looked upon as a shopaholic and I'm a total magazine junkie and love fashion.. but those things have always had a negative connotation attached to them: frivolity, self-centeredness and materialism. I think we have all had this idea that those who have a love for the 'outer things' equate to 'shallow blonde bimbos'. Yet for such a long time I've almost try to hide this part of me... stealing the fashion section of the Toronto Star every Thursday and stashing it under my bed... read it when no one was looking. Then I'd buy magazines and hide them in my backpack so none of my friends knew. It's been happening for so long but now I've been more vocal about it to my parents. There are few people out there who actually love fashion and know the industry people... most people only know the typical ones such as Gucci, Chanel, Versace, and Dolce and Gabbana. But have they heard of Proenza Schouler (they graduated from Parsons), Narciso Rodriguez, Doo. Ri, Sarafpour, Imitation of Christ, Elie Saab, Lanvin, Michael Kors (Parsons), Valentino, Mouret? I only recall two friends who share this 'passion' with me. When people came over to my house, I swept my room clean of any trace of magazines or pictures.. I'd put more 'intellectual' books or magazines such as my Christian apologetics or some humanitarian aid book on top of my Vogues or Instyles. I confess to be a follower of 'Project Runway' and even 'worse', 'America's Next Top Model'... I think in our 'christian thinking' or our social standings, these things are pretty useless and stupid shows to watch,.. but I really do love seeing their photo shoots and their creativity through their pieces. I never told anyone I watched the latter show.. my politics teacher once said about the show that "it is one of those shows in which you only secretly watch". It's more drama than true industry but I still like it... I've never told anyone I watched it unless they were followers themselves who wouldn't judge you. When peers asked to see photos on my computer, I'd get nervous when running through countless images of the runway. I remember for a time, we had the fashion channel (a specialty channel like Raps tv) and I'd watch it with my finger on the 'last' button on my controller just in case my mother came in to check what I was watching in which I'd quickly switch to another channel. But now I think I've been almost denying myself of something that I truly love. Though I am naive as to how the industry really works I believe that I've slowly let that part of me show. Then again, there are times when I find myself being teased, and I snatch it back again. Who I am is part of what I love. At fifth period, I tensed when Jay picked up my quick sketches filled with faces with exaggerated hairstyles and bodies for tomorrow's photo shoot (for my friend's birthday present and a part of my art assignment.. simulating another rendition of a specific artist's work). He pointed to how ugly the miniature figures were. I know he was kidding: he always does that. But I flinched nevertheless smiling because.. what else can I do? It's different when a non-artist comes to you and says it's ugly .... because he/she doesn't do art. But when it comes from the mouth of another AY Visual, it hurts. Through this semester of art, where we had the freedom to choose what artist to research and through the recycled project, I've realized that I have done nothing with interiors but everything with fashion. Julia mentioned yesterday that her mom had said "She (me) must really want to go to Parsons since she is still considering that university when the other (pratt) has offered her a $36,000 scholarship." Yes I must be one of those insane people who can't be bribed by large Presidential scholarships.
So is this my passion? Have I found it but am still trying to suppress it? As I said in an earlier entry, how does one find her own passion? What if she denies it and is afraid that people will automatically think she is just shallow? I wonder if i've truly found what I love to do yet am still holding onto fear. As my mom had said, she believes that God has allowed me to make the choice because she knows that wherever I go, He will go with me. And from moving so many times and having seen the countless times He has been faithful, I think He will never forsake me (side note: I found it so interesting when pastor herman pointed out that in the New Testament, it mentioned God's faithfulness/loyalty more times than His love. Quote me if I'm wrong). Now thinking, I believe I'm compatible for both careers and that I have the God-given talent to go into whichever I please. I'm just afraid to take that first step: that decision for which university.
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