I've suddenly realized how much I mean to my friends. I've realized that when I sit there, they move away to another table. I don't understand. I've lost complete faith in friendships. If they don't last because of distance, it's because they move on to other friends.
I've realized since I was little, I've had friendship problems.. ever since grade 3, I came back depressed and when my mom asked what was wrong I told her "Sarah doesn't want to be my friend anymore". My mom thought "Oh no, she gets depressed over friendships when she's only in grade 3. I cant imagine what it would be like a few years later". Who can? ever since grade 5 when she swore at me and a huge fiasco occurred and we never spoke to each other ever again. I remember another who spread rumours about me and many people avoided me.. until I obtained a best friend and suddenly that girl was nice to me. But when I moved back, she told me how all my friends in HK hated me and how my canadian friends were pretending to befriend me (although she never knew them). And now I've tried to make at least one gathering work and it's falling to pieces. I know the invitations were late because I had a lot of work and didn't have time to plan... I don't know anymore. Maybe that's why I like to move around from city to city.. country to country. Friendships seem like they 'peak' in two years, then they gradually become cold and distant. I don't know. Those who have comforted me in the past.. Tania and my AY friends. They are so incredibly supportive especially Dor and Tanya. And Dor told me something when I was weeping over my crummy test. She told me that she and Tanya were talking and wondered why I wasn't going into fashion since I get so excited about it whereas interior is just like meh... I don't know. Perhaps I'm just in denial that I want to go into that industry. I don't know.
But that's not the point. I don't know what to do anymore. How do you make them work. How did my mom make hers work.... I did all that I could... I bought materials over $100, printed out examples and mounted them on black cardstock I stole from the art room, made cookies and made invitations with goody bags. What more do you want? Guys? (no) Do something more 'cool' like clubbing? (no thanks) Maybe I'm just too sensitive as usual.
I've realized since I was little, I've had friendship problems.. ever since grade 3, I came back depressed and when my mom asked what was wrong I told her "Sarah doesn't want to be my friend anymore". My mom thought "Oh no, she gets depressed over friendships when she's only in grade 3. I cant imagine what it would be like a few years later". Who can? ever since grade 5 when she swore at me and a huge fiasco occurred and we never spoke to each other ever again. I remember another who spread rumours about me and many people avoided me.. until I obtained a best friend and suddenly that girl was nice to me. But when I moved back, she told me how all my friends in HK hated me and how my canadian friends were pretending to befriend me (although she never knew them). And now I've tried to make at least one gathering work and it's falling to pieces. I know the invitations were late because I had a lot of work and didn't have time to plan... I don't know anymore. Maybe that's why I like to move around from city to city.. country to country. Friendships seem like they 'peak' in two years, then they gradually become cold and distant. I don't know. Those who have comforted me in the past.. Tania and my AY friends. They are so incredibly supportive especially Dor and Tanya. And Dor told me something when I was weeping over my crummy test. She told me that she and Tanya were talking and wondered why I wasn't going into fashion since I get so excited about it whereas interior is just like meh... I don't know. Perhaps I'm just in denial that I want to go into that industry. I don't know.
But that's not the point. I don't know what to do anymore. How do you make them work. How did my mom make hers work.... I did all that I could... I bought materials over $100, printed out examples and mounted them on black cardstock I stole from the art room, made cookies and made invitations with goody bags. What more do you want? Guys? (no) Do something more 'cool' like clubbing? (no thanks) Maybe I'm just too sensitive as usual.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home