Meditations
Okay so I'm finally updating every single one of the three blogs I've opened now. Whoopee.
I've started to wonder why I decided to launch this project. Then again that is the reason why I always write a mission statement in my first post when I feel a little lost.
I feel like I can be me the most on this blog. I like not having a face. I like being able to say exactly what I think without worrying about what people think because hardly anyone knows this blog. It's comforting.
On my style blog I feel overexposed. I'd rather remain anonymous amongst everyone but people who are interested in fashion. Because that's all I really want- to have a dialogue with people who are style-hungry.
As I was walking to work today, I wondered to myself why I stopped style blogging two years ago. Two years ago, I got into a magazine because they spotted my blog. For some reason, even after that small success, I stopped. I now ask myself why I stopped if someone in the industry saw something in that. If I had continued, would I be in a different place from where I am now?
But I don't feel like that this is me- this blog thing I'm doing. I'd rather share thoughts than pictures.
If I could say anything about myself positively, is that I'm dead honest with myself. I now know where my vulnerabilities are, what character issues I have to work on, when I start to think illogically. I'm impatient, easy to get angry, holds grudges, counts wrongs, never satisfied with what I have. I am serious when I say who I am inside is not pretty at all. How ironic. By the way, I learned this all at work.
Concerning 'marketing' the blog (majority put it on their msn name/fbook) I set up this blog system because... I like a little obscurity. I need to figure out the line between private and public.
-As of now, if you are male, you probably don't know my style one. Unless you have an interest in fashion. I know me and I know girls like attention. I don't want my fashion blog to turn into a 'look at me!' fiesta. I want to talk about fashion and not how good/ugly/hot//bad/fat/skinny I look. And it feels weird talking about shallow things suddenly. In addition, I don't want people to know me inside out. You know my innards and I think that's enough. This blog records five years of my thought journey and I cherish this one a lot more than the others because of the commitment put into this. I feel like here, I can write exactly what I think and not care what anyone else thinks because, hey, you can't see me. For all I care, you can judge my insides as long as you can't see me.
-If you are reading this, you probably know this and my baking one. You will know my baking one if you're my friend on Facebook. I am fully aware of the dangers of blogging to the unknown hence no pictures of me here. That's weird.
-None of my blogs link to each other. Will link the style one to the baking one but not baking to style.
-If you are not reading this, then, you are 99% of my friends. I decided to make this blog anonymously accessible. Can't google this one up.
-The only link to my style blog is through the means of which I got into the magazine two years ago.
If this appears to be a snob thing, it's not. It's my method of protecting myself from overexposure and more importantly, protecting what matters most which is my heart. I know, it sounds ultra cheesy, but I've made mistakes in the past where I got emotionally attached to things that were not there to begin with. I do not want to start idolizing my blogs so by preventing certain people from seeing certain blogs, I can make sure I don't end up being incredibly self-centered.
In the end, know this. I am not setting up boundaries to keep people out, I am setting up boundaries to keep myself in line with God. It is so incredibly difficult to die to myself each day and trust that because God is greater, that life is better when I am secondary. I do not want to set myself up to be vulnerable to people I do cherish but not in ways that are just. However I do want to share but with the right people. I want to create, design, innovate and play in the freedom that allows me to push me to succeed not by human attention or validation but out of the pure joy of just making.
Yeah, that's why I blog. And that is why I've started two other blogs: to realize the joys of making and to share that with people who have similar interests.
God, help me, I'm feeling so dry.
I've started to wonder why I decided to launch this project. Then again that is the reason why I always write a mission statement in my first post when I feel a little lost.
I feel like I can be me the most on this blog. I like not having a face. I like being able to say exactly what I think without worrying about what people think because hardly anyone knows this blog. It's comforting.
On my style blog I feel overexposed. I'd rather remain anonymous amongst everyone but people who are interested in fashion. Because that's all I really want- to have a dialogue with people who are style-hungry.
As I was walking to work today, I wondered to myself why I stopped style blogging two years ago. Two years ago, I got into a magazine because they spotted my blog. For some reason, even after that small success, I stopped. I now ask myself why I stopped if someone in the industry saw something in that. If I had continued, would I be in a different place from where I am now?
But I don't feel like that this is me- this blog thing I'm doing. I'd rather share thoughts than pictures.
If I could say anything about myself positively, is that I'm dead honest with myself. I now know where my vulnerabilities are, what character issues I have to work on, when I start to think illogically. I'm impatient, easy to get angry, holds grudges, counts wrongs, never satisfied with what I have. I am serious when I say who I am inside is not pretty at all. How ironic. By the way, I learned this all at work.
Concerning 'marketing' the blog (majority put it on their msn name/fbook) I set up this blog system because... I like a little obscurity. I need to figure out the line between private and public.
-As of now, if you are male, you probably don't know my style one. Unless you have an interest in fashion. I know me and I know girls like attention. I don't want my fashion blog to turn into a 'look at me!' fiesta. I want to talk about fashion and not how good/ugly/hot//bad/fat/skinny I look. And it feels weird talking about shallow things suddenly. In addition, I don't want people to know me inside out. You know my innards and I think that's enough. This blog records five years of my thought journey and I cherish this one a lot more than the others because of the commitment put into this. I feel like here, I can write exactly what I think and not care what anyone else thinks because, hey, you can't see me. For all I care, you can judge my insides as long as you can't see me.
-If you are reading this, you probably know this and my baking one. You will know my baking one if you're my friend on Facebook. I am fully aware of the dangers of blogging to the unknown hence no pictures of me here. That's weird.
-None of my blogs link to each other. Will link the style one to the baking one but not baking to style.
-If you are not reading this, then, you are 99% of my friends. I decided to make this blog anonymously accessible. Can't google this one up.
-The only link to my style blog is through the means of which I got into the magazine two years ago.
If this appears to be a snob thing, it's not. It's my method of protecting myself from overexposure and more importantly, protecting what matters most which is my heart. I know, it sounds ultra cheesy, but I've made mistakes in the past where I got emotionally attached to things that were not there to begin with. I do not want to start idolizing my blogs so by preventing certain people from seeing certain blogs, I can make sure I don't end up being incredibly self-centered.
In the end, know this. I am not setting up boundaries to keep people out, I am setting up boundaries to keep myself in line with God. It is so incredibly difficult to die to myself each day and trust that because God is greater, that life is better when I am secondary. I do not want to set myself up to be vulnerable to people I do cherish but not in ways that are just. However I do want to share but with the right people. I want to create, design, innovate and play in the freedom that allows me to push me to succeed not by human attention or validation but out of the pure joy of just making.
Yeah, that's why I blog. And that is why I've started two other blogs: to realize the joys of making and to share that with people who have similar interests.
God, help me, I'm feeling so dry.
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