A Conversation with God
So yesterday I was signed up to serve on the Hospitality Team which entailed prepping food, cooking, serving people and cleaning up. I received an email from the leader that she would later on email us concerning the schedule.
I waited.
I went to Sham Shui Po with my colleague to look and buy trimmings, jewelry parts and fabric swatches (crap I could spend a lot of money buying trimmings). Came back, it was 4pm, and still no answer from the leader. I decided to call her only to realize we were supposed to be there at 3pm and apparently she had sent me an email but for some reason, I never received it.
Anyway, I was a little annoyed because I was so tired and had to immediately trek to Central to help out. There wasn't much to do at the time because all the pasta was already prepped ready to be warmed up later. We went to prayer meeting and afterwards I met a few people. Hurrah.
After worship and the sermon, I went to help out behind the coffee bar. My first job: warm up the pasta and to dump it in the huge rice pot cooker. We were making Penne Carbonara and I was in charge of drawing a sign. Afterwards I had to take the orders from people and go around the room picking up empty plates and garbage which of course resulted in washing dishes. To be honest, I was frustrated. I didn't know if I felt like I was being used- as if serving was a method to incorporate me into a church without allowing me to get to know people more intimately through Small Groups or if I was just being too selfish for wanting to be involved but only on a social level. I think that frustration came out because there were too many times when I'd host dinners at my place and I would have to shoulder most of the work from start to finish and while everyone was sitting and talking after eating, I'd be in the kitchen washing the dishes and conversing with a wall.
I was doing the dishes facing the kitchen backsplash when I heard someone talking from behind. I semi turn around from the sink to see a guy standing in front of the coffee bar. I've seen him around- an active member of the church as a intecessory prayer person as well as an MC for the young adults services. He asks me my name- I tell him I've seen him around. I take the plates that he's set on the counter and that was that.
I was listening again to Agnus Dei on the way home trying to iono, cope in the midst of my impatience and weariness with making new church friends all over again. Are you Lord God Almighty? This time last year, I had found a new set of good friends whom we would always hang out with. Last year I had an accountability partner who was there to support me in whatever I was going through. This time last year, were we not performing as a group at Epiphany? This time last year, did we not walk the Williamsburg bridge talking about dressing up as Alice in Wonderland characters? It seems like only yesterday.
I know God is at work perhaps not in my timing but in His, yet at the same time my impatience is settling in to the point of indifference.
Today I arrived relatively late to church- I saw the guy who asked me my name the night before. It's nice when people actually approach you first sometimes like they actually notice that you are new and take the initiative to get to you. It makes me feel less like a lunatic and more at ease. I think he spotted me but it was so jammed pack in the reception, I just ran in to get a seat since I was already late. I ended up somewhere on the right center front. He comes around and sits in front of me and says hello. I told him I liked his watch (sorry, fashion part of me zooms in on these things. I am not a Kong girl who is into brand names. I just observe and take note of things I like beyond price. Like his Bape shirt. It was colorful and I liked it even though it must have been at least $100 USD.. if it's not from Mongkok, of course). He introduces me to the girl who was next to him. Carmen was her name. There was little to talk about since we did not share much common ground but service was about to start and Carmen's boyfriend had to sit in the place of the guy in front of me.
The sermon was really good. Really long but really good. He spoke about social injustice and how although we rightfully care about these things, often times the motivation behind trying to 'fix' these problems is for the elevation of Man. If people got together to try and work these issues out, as said by the UN last week, we could solve them sans God.
One thing really spoke out to me: We often try to do things for God rather than what He wants which is WITH us. Particularly concerning my thesis on environmental issues and the patterns of social consumer behaviour in fashion, I always feel like I need to rally God to help me on this project when in fact, God wants us to work WITH Him and not for Him per se; for the Son cannot do anything without the Father likewise as it is with us and God.
There are times when I fervently pray for God to show me if His will for me includes my thesis project. At times, I feel as if I prayed more, the more relenting God would be. Yet I KNOW that this is far from the truth as the pastor said, God simply wants us to delight in Him and our purpose in life is be delighted by Him. While most skeptics may say, "what kind of god is He if he wants all the attention, all our love and devotion? How egoistical and proud." To this I would say, there is no greater thing than for Him to give away Himself and Himself to be crowned the most glorious, wonderful thing in existence. For if anything is more delightful and pleasing than He is, then technically He shouldn't be rightfully named 'God'. But if you are the epitome of all that is good that God is, He wants us to find purpose and fulfillment in Him. It makes perfect logical sense in the most illogical manner of human thinking.
The service ended late and I had to get out to meet my cousin and her bf to go to Sai Kung today where we spent on the boardwalk with dogs and eating american sandwiches. Through the slow-moving congregation steadily trickling out, I heard someone call, "Sam." I whirled around to see the same guy behind me. He asks me what I thought of the service and I told him the sermon was really refreshing. I started to head towards the stairs and wanted to say goodbye to him when he said to me,
"I wanted to let you know that during the service, I was praying when God lead me to pray for you and to tell you that we appreciate you for serving. Serving isn't easy but don't give up."
Ahahhaa thanks God, You are so funny.
I told the guy, that I was very encouraged by what he said.
Thanks God, for answering through that guy. Although he didn't know me and had no idea what I was going through, God sees, answers, and uses other people to speak to us. He only saw me doing dishes the other night at our brief exchange of hellos. Actually in my 'depressed' state the night before, I wrote on the bathroom glass in the shower steam, "God are You there?" half expecting perhaps it'd be a Harry Potter moment where magically some words would appear below with an answer.
Despite all my frustrations, I don't give up because God has been dropping hints around everywhere I go. First the two consecutive weeks of worship songs that I was meditating on, deep conversations with my colleagues, then a chance to make a big impact on my company, and then this. Every week there is another reason to keep persevering; every day a reminder that there is an answer at the end of the road.
A colleague, out of nowhere, asked me, "Do you think that having a faith helps you in life?"
It took me by surprise actually because we were having a Japanese lunch right after she returned from her vacation to NY/TO. The Bible says to always be prepared with an answer to the reason for your hope (yes I will find the passage later). I shared with her how even though I am struggling with many things, I do believe that my hope is manifested through God because I know ultimately He will pull me through. And through all these struggles, I know that there is a reason for undergoing them unlike non-Christians who may think that all the pain is futile, I know there is a bigger picture and a reason and have the confidence that I will see it one day. For instance, my problems with church, another instance the reason why I have been single all this time. Do I know why I am not dating? No, not at this moment, but in due time I will. I do, at times, get into panic attacks about being single my entire life but if God really wanted me to be with someone it will happen. Pride aside, I always struggle with loving God first over finding my significant other. Though I pray to find complete joy in Him, I still wonder, still think and still hope in a guy. Wondering if it will ever be- perhaps not now, but in the future? But I am reminded that by seeking God, I seek for the best. And He is already mine: the greatest love of all, as we sang today at worship. If I seek for the significant other, I will find something second rate. It's hard but I go by this because God will remember me like He remembered Hannah.
By now, all my coworkers that I interact with know that I am Christian. None of them are but I am starting to wonder if God is leading me to witness to them and my other guy friend. I just see the futility and the hopelessness in their thinking of what love is. As the speaker said today, if you saw someone drown, would you not try to pull them out?
Tolerance is not a life vest. Tolerance is the fear of being wrong and the fear of offending someone. The fear of Man is called Tolerance. I cannot tolerate people being misled to believe that love is money. I cannot tolerate people believing that love doesn't exist because humans are flawed in their way of loving. How will tolerance save them?
AHaha thanks God, I just went on biblegateway.com to look for a passage and the Verse of the Day was this:
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”- Psalm 27:14
Let me walk with You.
I waited.
I went to Sham Shui Po with my colleague to look and buy trimmings, jewelry parts and fabric swatches (crap I could spend a lot of money buying trimmings). Came back, it was 4pm, and still no answer from the leader. I decided to call her only to realize we were supposed to be there at 3pm and apparently she had sent me an email but for some reason, I never received it.
Anyway, I was a little annoyed because I was so tired and had to immediately trek to Central to help out. There wasn't much to do at the time because all the pasta was already prepped ready to be warmed up later. We went to prayer meeting and afterwards I met a few people. Hurrah.
After worship and the sermon, I went to help out behind the coffee bar. My first job: warm up the pasta and to dump it in the huge rice pot cooker. We were making Penne Carbonara and I was in charge of drawing a sign. Afterwards I had to take the orders from people and go around the room picking up empty plates and garbage which of course resulted in washing dishes. To be honest, I was frustrated. I didn't know if I felt like I was being used- as if serving was a method to incorporate me into a church without allowing me to get to know people more intimately through Small Groups or if I was just being too selfish for wanting to be involved but only on a social level. I think that frustration came out because there were too many times when I'd host dinners at my place and I would have to shoulder most of the work from start to finish and while everyone was sitting and talking after eating, I'd be in the kitchen washing the dishes and conversing with a wall.
I was doing the dishes facing the kitchen backsplash when I heard someone talking from behind. I semi turn around from the sink to see a guy standing in front of the coffee bar. I've seen him around- an active member of the church as a intecessory prayer person as well as an MC for the young adults services. He asks me my name- I tell him I've seen him around. I take the plates that he's set on the counter and that was that.
I was listening again to Agnus Dei on the way home trying to iono, cope in the midst of my impatience and weariness with making new church friends all over again. Are you Lord God Almighty? This time last year, I had found a new set of good friends whom we would always hang out with. Last year I had an accountability partner who was there to support me in whatever I was going through. This time last year, were we not performing as a group at Epiphany? This time last year, did we not walk the Williamsburg bridge talking about dressing up as Alice in Wonderland characters? It seems like only yesterday.
I know God is at work perhaps not in my timing but in His, yet at the same time my impatience is settling in to the point of indifference.
Today I arrived relatively late to church- I saw the guy who asked me my name the night before. It's nice when people actually approach you first sometimes like they actually notice that you are new and take the initiative to get to you. It makes me feel less like a lunatic and more at ease. I think he spotted me but it was so jammed pack in the reception, I just ran in to get a seat since I was already late. I ended up somewhere on the right center front. He comes around and sits in front of me and says hello. I told him I liked his watch (sorry, fashion part of me zooms in on these things. I am not a Kong girl who is into brand names. I just observe and take note of things I like beyond price. Like his Bape shirt. It was colorful and I liked it even though it must have been at least $100 USD.. if it's not from Mongkok, of course). He introduces me to the girl who was next to him. Carmen was her name. There was little to talk about since we did not share much common ground but service was about to start and Carmen's boyfriend had to sit in the place of the guy in front of me.
The sermon was really good. Really long but really good. He spoke about social injustice and how although we rightfully care about these things, often times the motivation behind trying to 'fix' these problems is for the elevation of Man. If people got together to try and work these issues out, as said by the UN last week, we could solve them sans God.
One thing really spoke out to me: We often try to do things for God rather than what He wants which is WITH us. Particularly concerning my thesis on environmental issues and the patterns of social consumer behaviour in fashion, I always feel like I need to rally God to help me on this project when in fact, God wants us to work WITH Him and not for Him per se; for the Son cannot do anything without the Father likewise as it is with us and God.
There are times when I fervently pray for God to show me if His will for me includes my thesis project. At times, I feel as if I prayed more, the more relenting God would be. Yet I KNOW that this is far from the truth as the pastor said, God simply wants us to delight in Him and our purpose in life is be delighted by Him. While most skeptics may say, "what kind of god is He if he wants all the attention, all our love and devotion? How egoistical and proud." To this I would say, there is no greater thing than for Him to give away Himself and Himself to be crowned the most glorious, wonderful thing in existence. For if anything is more delightful and pleasing than He is, then technically He shouldn't be rightfully named 'God'. But if you are the epitome of all that is good that God is, He wants us to find purpose and fulfillment in Him. It makes perfect logical sense in the most illogical manner of human thinking.
The service ended late and I had to get out to meet my cousin and her bf to go to Sai Kung today where we spent on the boardwalk with dogs and eating american sandwiches. Through the slow-moving congregation steadily trickling out, I heard someone call, "Sam." I whirled around to see the same guy behind me. He asks me what I thought of the service and I told him the sermon was really refreshing. I started to head towards the stairs and wanted to say goodbye to him when he said to me,
"I wanted to let you know that during the service, I was praying when God lead me to pray for you and to tell you that we appreciate you for serving. Serving isn't easy but don't give up."
Ahahhaa thanks God, You are so funny.
I told the guy, that I was very encouraged by what he said.
Thanks God, for answering through that guy. Although he didn't know me and had no idea what I was going through, God sees, answers, and uses other people to speak to us. He only saw me doing dishes the other night at our brief exchange of hellos. Actually in my 'depressed' state the night before, I wrote on the bathroom glass in the shower steam, "God are You there?" half expecting perhaps it'd be a Harry Potter moment where magically some words would appear below with an answer.
Despite all my frustrations, I don't give up because God has been dropping hints around everywhere I go. First the two consecutive weeks of worship songs that I was meditating on, deep conversations with my colleagues, then a chance to make a big impact on my company, and then this. Every week there is another reason to keep persevering; every day a reminder that there is an answer at the end of the road.
A colleague, out of nowhere, asked me, "Do you think that having a faith helps you in life?"
It took me by surprise actually because we were having a Japanese lunch right after she returned from her vacation to NY/TO. The Bible says to always be prepared with an answer to the reason for your hope (yes I will find the passage later). I shared with her how even though I am struggling with many things, I do believe that my hope is manifested through God because I know ultimately He will pull me through. And through all these struggles, I know that there is a reason for undergoing them unlike non-Christians who may think that all the pain is futile, I know there is a bigger picture and a reason and have the confidence that I will see it one day. For instance, my problems with church, another instance the reason why I have been single all this time. Do I know why I am not dating? No, not at this moment, but in due time I will. I do, at times, get into panic attacks about being single my entire life but if God really wanted me to be with someone it will happen. Pride aside, I always struggle with loving God first over finding my significant other. Though I pray to find complete joy in Him, I still wonder, still think and still hope in a guy. Wondering if it will ever be- perhaps not now, but in the future? But I am reminded that by seeking God, I seek for the best. And He is already mine: the greatest love of all, as we sang today at worship. If I seek for the significant other, I will find something second rate. It's hard but I go by this because God will remember me like He remembered Hannah.
By now, all my coworkers that I interact with know that I am Christian. None of them are but I am starting to wonder if God is leading me to witness to them and my other guy friend. I just see the futility and the hopelessness in their thinking of what love is. As the speaker said today, if you saw someone drown, would you not try to pull them out?
Tolerance is not a life vest. Tolerance is the fear of being wrong and the fear of offending someone. The fear of Man is called Tolerance. I cannot tolerate people being misled to believe that love is money. I cannot tolerate people believing that love doesn't exist because humans are flawed in their way of loving. How will tolerance save them?
AHaha thanks God, I just went on biblegateway.com to look for a passage and the Verse of the Day was this:
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”- Psalm 27:14
Let me walk with You.
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