Hungry
Man, when I'm not sitting in front of a computer at work writing notes, I'm sitting in front of my laptop blogging. And since I've opened a new blog, I've been double-teaming with the posts. I like writing, I think God has given me this gift of expression not only in visual arts but through words as well.
Today I met up with another one of my mom's friends from Vancouver. She found out I was really frustrated about church from my host and wanted to talk to me. Anyway, over iced coffees and panna cotta, I eventually began to share with her my thesis again (do you see why I have to ensure that I LOVE my idea and that it is in sync with what I believe in because I have to talk about is so often that if I didn't love or believe in it in the first place, I could never convince anyone else about it let alone repeat my pitch many times over?) and how God has been so gracious through that the past year. In conversing with her, I told her about my accountant friend who asked about my high chance of failing and I realized in that moment:
I am supposed to fail. If I succeeded in implementing such an insane project, I would be the master of my own universe. I can boast about my hard work and my own success. Yet the impossible is here because God is here. Of course my thesis is impossible, it's because I expect God to accomplish what I cannot do on my own. It validates my own humanity and limitations, yet through me, God can show His magnitude.
I never tire about talking about my thesis with people because it is so novel to me (for people who know about my project, there's a double entendre pun for you). I've realized through writing, that I love to inspire and creatively stimulate people to think differently thus the single focus of the company vision is to always think alternatively: how do we spark creativity within the employees, within the CEO and within the production line? How do we do things differently so that people are always thinking of new ideas be it the consumer or the producer? How can the customer go from mindles consumption to be more driven and thoughtful? How can the producer push the standards in how fashion is made, and find alternative ways to create clothes?
So if this is the journey that God wants me to go on, I do not expect to do this alone for I want to give Him all the glory. I know if it starts with self reliance, I'll just burn out. I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life.
Anyway, after yesterday's post I decided to start taking a conscious action towards fulfilling one of my short term goals which.... was to exercise. I have a bad phobia with lifeguards but I forced myself to swim this morning. Score. Now I must not rest on my laurels and.. just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming...
And now since I have confirmation from my previous collaborator of my thesis website that she is jumping on to the wagon, I will now begin to design my own portfolio website and she will code it. Gah yao!
Men are important, marriage is important to me and so is dating. But I don't see how waiting around without goals will make me a better person. And I don't think he's coming around any time soon so... might as well keep running.
You see, I walk fast both in the most literal and symbolic sense. Most of my peers comment on this: that when we walk 'together' I always end up in the front a few paces ahead or perhaps even avenues (once going to church with robyn and her roommate.. I ended up disappearing because we were superiorly late). I am one of those people who would join that Facebook group "I just want to punch slow people in the back of their heads". My normal pace is speed walking for most which is why I struggle a lot of with being patient and waiting on God to work in me. People think I'm in a rush when in fact, I don't see the reason to slow down if I have a destination in mind. I like taking initiative when people slack and I'd rather rely on myself than do group projects. I would love to do group projects due to my extroverted nature, but because no one can keep up, I'd rather do things on my own. And that's my problem: I can't find anyone who can keep up. They say visionaires and entrepreneurs run into this issue the most: to find a group of people who could see things and run as fast as they can. Usually the visionaries find themselves trying to haul everyone else along and their company crumbles. I find myself, a lot of times when talking about my thesis, that I'm trying to pull everyone along to my level. It is not to say that I'm better than anyone else, but I am the most knowledgeable at what I do so I need to educate people about fashion and sustainable design as separate entities and unified.
In the greater sense of things, I move very fast: every five years I move to another city. Finding a steady relationship would be difficult: I think one of the things my ideal boyfriend would have is the ability to walk as fast as me (which would mean taller)... it does bug me a little when I find myself walking alone and all my peers are behind me clustered together. I like leading but leading is a very lonely thing. So in a sense, I live on the fast lane: perhaps not the same 'fast lane' as Kanye West would boast, but on a calculated sense. What was I doing this time last year? Conducting interviews with friends for my thesis, watching Heroes Season 3 and hanging out with my new found group of Canadian friends in NYC. One year later I'm working and living in Hong Kong. I went from a shared apartment on the third floor that faced a school which was extremely dark to living in a tower with my own bedroom with a stellar view of Hong Kong. What the heck. God is good.
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry.
Today I met up with another one of my mom's friends from Vancouver. She found out I was really frustrated about church from my host and wanted to talk to me. Anyway, over iced coffees and panna cotta, I eventually began to share with her my thesis again (do you see why I have to ensure that I LOVE my idea and that it is in sync with what I believe in because I have to talk about is so often that if I didn't love or believe in it in the first place, I could never convince anyone else about it let alone repeat my pitch many times over?) and how God has been so gracious through that the past year. In conversing with her, I told her about my accountant friend who asked about my high chance of failing and I realized in that moment:
I am supposed to fail. If I succeeded in implementing such an insane project, I would be the master of my own universe. I can boast about my hard work and my own success. Yet the impossible is here because God is here. Of course my thesis is impossible, it's because I expect God to accomplish what I cannot do on my own. It validates my own humanity and limitations, yet through me, God can show His magnitude.
I never tire about talking about my thesis with people because it is so novel to me (for people who know about my project, there's a double entendre pun for you). I've realized through writing, that I love to inspire and creatively stimulate people to think differently thus the single focus of the company vision is to always think alternatively: how do we spark creativity within the employees, within the CEO and within the production line? How do we do things differently so that people are always thinking of new ideas be it the consumer or the producer? How can the customer go from mindles consumption to be more driven and thoughtful? How can the producer push the standards in how fashion is made, and find alternative ways to create clothes?
So if this is the journey that God wants me to go on, I do not expect to do this alone for I want to give Him all the glory. I know if it starts with self reliance, I'll just burn out. I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life.
Anyway, after yesterday's post I decided to start taking a conscious action towards fulfilling one of my short term goals which.... was to exercise. I have a bad phobia with lifeguards but I forced myself to swim this morning. Score. Now I must not rest on my laurels and.. just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming...
And now since I have confirmation from my previous collaborator of my thesis website that she is jumping on to the wagon, I will now begin to design my own portfolio website and she will code it. Gah yao!
Men are important, marriage is important to me and so is dating. But I don't see how waiting around without goals will make me a better person. And I don't think he's coming around any time soon so... might as well keep running.
You see, I walk fast both in the most literal and symbolic sense. Most of my peers comment on this: that when we walk 'together' I always end up in the front a few paces ahead or perhaps even avenues (once going to church with robyn and her roommate.. I ended up disappearing because we were superiorly late). I am one of those people who would join that Facebook group "I just want to punch slow people in the back of their heads". My normal pace is speed walking for most which is why I struggle a lot of with being patient and waiting on God to work in me. People think I'm in a rush when in fact, I don't see the reason to slow down if I have a destination in mind. I like taking initiative when people slack and I'd rather rely on myself than do group projects. I would love to do group projects due to my extroverted nature, but because no one can keep up, I'd rather do things on my own. And that's my problem: I can't find anyone who can keep up. They say visionaires and entrepreneurs run into this issue the most: to find a group of people who could see things and run as fast as they can. Usually the visionaries find themselves trying to haul everyone else along and their company crumbles. I find myself, a lot of times when talking about my thesis, that I'm trying to pull everyone along to my level. It is not to say that I'm better than anyone else, but I am the most knowledgeable at what I do so I need to educate people about fashion and sustainable design as separate entities and unified.
In the greater sense of things, I move very fast: every five years I move to another city. Finding a steady relationship would be difficult: I think one of the things my ideal boyfriend would have is the ability to walk as fast as me (which would mean taller)... it does bug me a little when I find myself walking alone and all my peers are behind me clustered together. I like leading but leading is a very lonely thing. So in a sense, I live on the fast lane: perhaps not the same 'fast lane' as Kanye West would boast, but on a calculated sense. What was I doing this time last year? Conducting interviews with friends for my thesis, watching Heroes Season 3 and hanging out with my new found group of Canadian friends in NYC. One year later I'm working and living in Hong Kong. I went from a shared apartment on the third floor that faced a school which was extremely dark to living in a tower with my own bedroom with a stellar view of Hong Kong. What the heck. God is good.
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home