Returning as a Newcomer// 3>80
I can't get Lifehouse's 'Broken' song out of my head. I don't understand why 'The Time Traveler's Wife' trailer featured this song because I think the lyrics revolve around God and us.
I don't have any friends here but I find listening to these lyrics really comforting.
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holding on to you.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling these days. Strangely enough I do not really feel the need to go out and look for friends. It's not like I have any but at least I'm living with my aunt. Somehow having a picturesque view of Hong Kong is comforting enough that solace seems to be okay. I love staring out across the harbor, something my host doesn't understand, but I've been living in a cave these past three years that a stunning view is something I enjoy taking in daily. I do my devos as soon as I wake up and it's great to just look out and pray with literally a greater perspective of the world beyond just me.
I still haven't been able to stomach the fact that I now actually live here. As temporary as it may be and although I've lived here in the past, it is still an adjustment. People keep telling me what I'm doing is old news since my whole life has been like this, but what they don't understand is that I'm still human and that every time I move, there is still some kind of adjustment.
I really did find God in New York which is why I feel such an attachment to the church, the city and the people there.
I've realized that the gift of welcoming and hospitality is a rare one. After having been to my first newcomer dinner in a while since I've been serving in the Welcoming Ministry back in NYC, I must say I am now more appreciative of the gift God's given me. It's not a gift that many people have. Correction, it's not a gift that's easily acquired. It requires being crushed and broken. You don't learn hospitality after having been nursed your whole life in the womb, you learn it when you yourself are socially poor.
I learned it from not having a solid church group until this past year. I don't say this to somehow undermine all the friendships I had in churches of the past but friendships that were deeply rooted in Christ, not until this year did I find those. So on Welcoming Ministry I'm quick to try to connect newcomers with people whom I think they either would get along well with or leaders who could integrate them into Small Groups.
I think the most rewarding experience having been on Welcoming was when my friend told me that she had been at RWC a few times yet she struggled to find a home at the church. The a few months later, she prayed to God that someone would speak to her when she attended RWC by herself.
That day, I still remember, I was an usher, aka herding people into the aisles, when I saw this really stylish girl. I complimented her handbag and asked her if she went to Parsons (duh. lol). I don't recall the following, but she shared with me that she went to another school for fashion merchandising and was looking for a church. For some reason I got my then-Small Group leader to connect with her to the Parsons SG.
I didn't know it at the time, but God's given me a really good friend. I really miss my Parsons Small Group sisters. Their passion for God, their diligence and quirkiness really pushed me to find myself in Him. Man, I'm starting to tear up as I write this. How lame am I.
Yeah, so the gift of serving is a rare one. It's one I've recognized as my spiritual gift. It is not greater than any other part but very few people have it. And I've noticed that those people who have it, have many friends because of their ability to pro-actively reach out to others. And that's attractive.
Often members of a church do not feel the need to reach out to people. After all, aren't YOU the one who is interested in OUR church? You ought to take initiative and get to know us!
Well, that's what the Young Adult Pastor seemed to tell me that dinner when I shared with him how daunting it was to be a newcomer again. I was a little annoyed that he didn't understand but I don't blame him, he's always been at this church. That's one thing I find really annoying about people who grew up in the same church all their lives. They seem to think that social and spiritual integration is a piece of cake.
Sigh, God please just send me to one church I can be a part of.
--------------------------------------------------------------
There's a Chinese saying, my aunt said, that goes like this,
"At the age of three, one can predict how that person will be at the age of eighty"
She told me, "Ever since you were little, you were always serious. When my daughter would feed the geese, she'd get bored and just throw it in the pond for them to fetch it themselves while you would slowly shred the bread into small pieces and feed them slowly. When you and my daughter used to play board games, you would seriously consider each move while she would get up and take a break and return to the game whenever she felt like it. When my daughter could only manage to draw a stick figure, your princesses already had puffed sleeves and gowns. You grew up to be artistic as well as really serious about what you do, taking into consideration of the consequences before going ahead with the task while my daughter still loves Disney and wants a stress free life."
It's true isn't it, that who you are has already been determined so much by the Creator. I am serious. I realized two days ago sitting on the subway to work, I am really NOT FUNNY. While the majority of my close friends in NYC are the comedian types, I am the exact opposite. I administrate: I organize our gatherings and call people up to meet and when we do, I am pretty quiet. And I can't be blatantly funny: I think comedy is a stupid movie genre because I think trying to make people laugh at dirty jokes is dumb. I think the cleverest of comedies are the ones that are somehow integrated with daily life. Perhaps in the idiosyncracies of a person or an inside joke that somehow gets blown out of proportion. But not stupid or dirty humour.
Yet as one of my loudest friends said when I shared with him how I am too serious he said,
"you know in baking, the recipe always calls for a pinch of salt? It's only a tiny bit but it's to balance out the sugary flavours. It is small but significant. That's what you are like in our group, the salt. Perhaps quiet and serious but still just as important."
That was very sweet (pun intended).
I take life seriously because I want every moment to count for something. It's why I don't drink, it's why I don't game beyond the means to socially interact with certain people and it's why I don't go clubbing. I don't see how it will enhance my life or improve it, then why bother? Thus, I am serious about finding a church and finding a solid group of Christian friends who are equally as passionate about God as I am. I didn't know there was time for being wishy washy.
If I'm not serious about something it's an indication that I'm not passionate about it. And if I'm not passionate about it, then why am I doing it? Life is too short to be taken as a joke.
Why am I having these dreams? God if it's not in Your will, please remove them. To my shame, my hope and faith in people are stronger than in You. Yet You've known me from the start. How silly is it to still place hope in him since we're miles away? Be the God of my dreams.
I don't have any friends here but I find listening to these lyrics really comforting.
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holding on to you.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling these days. Strangely enough I do not really feel the need to go out and look for friends. It's not like I have any but at least I'm living with my aunt. Somehow having a picturesque view of Hong Kong is comforting enough that solace seems to be okay. I love staring out across the harbor, something my host doesn't understand, but I've been living in a cave these past three years that a stunning view is something I enjoy taking in daily. I do my devos as soon as I wake up and it's great to just look out and pray with literally a greater perspective of the world beyond just me.
I still haven't been able to stomach the fact that I now actually live here. As temporary as it may be and although I've lived here in the past, it is still an adjustment. People keep telling me what I'm doing is old news since my whole life has been like this, but what they don't understand is that I'm still human and that every time I move, there is still some kind of adjustment.
I really did find God in New York which is why I feel such an attachment to the church, the city and the people there.
I've realized that the gift of welcoming and hospitality is a rare one. After having been to my first newcomer dinner in a while since I've been serving in the Welcoming Ministry back in NYC, I must say I am now more appreciative of the gift God's given me. It's not a gift that many people have. Correction, it's not a gift that's easily acquired. It requires being crushed and broken. You don't learn hospitality after having been nursed your whole life in the womb, you learn it when you yourself are socially poor.
I learned it from not having a solid church group until this past year. I don't say this to somehow undermine all the friendships I had in churches of the past but friendships that were deeply rooted in Christ, not until this year did I find those. So on Welcoming Ministry I'm quick to try to connect newcomers with people whom I think they either would get along well with or leaders who could integrate them into Small Groups.
I think the most rewarding experience having been on Welcoming was when my friend told me that she had been at RWC a few times yet she struggled to find a home at the church. The a few months later, she prayed to God that someone would speak to her when she attended RWC by herself.
That day, I still remember, I was an usher, aka herding people into the aisles, when I saw this really stylish girl. I complimented her handbag and asked her if she went to Parsons (duh. lol). I don't recall the following, but she shared with me that she went to another school for fashion merchandising and was looking for a church. For some reason I got my then-Small Group leader to connect with her to the Parsons SG.
I didn't know it at the time, but God's given me a really good friend. I really miss my Parsons Small Group sisters. Their passion for God, their diligence and quirkiness really pushed me to find myself in Him. Man, I'm starting to tear up as I write this. How lame am I.
Yeah, so the gift of serving is a rare one. It's one I've recognized as my spiritual gift. It is not greater than any other part but very few people have it. And I've noticed that those people who have it, have many friends because of their ability to pro-actively reach out to others. And that's attractive.
Often members of a church do not feel the need to reach out to people. After all, aren't YOU the one who is interested in OUR church? You ought to take initiative and get to know us!
Well, that's what the Young Adult Pastor seemed to tell me that dinner when I shared with him how daunting it was to be a newcomer again. I was a little annoyed that he didn't understand but I don't blame him, he's always been at this church. That's one thing I find really annoying about people who grew up in the same church all their lives. They seem to think that social and spiritual integration is a piece of cake.
Sigh, God please just send me to one church I can be a part of.
--------------------------------------------------------------
There's a Chinese saying, my aunt said, that goes like this,
"At the age of three, one can predict how that person will be at the age of eighty"
She told me, "Ever since you were little, you were always serious. When my daughter would feed the geese, she'd get bored and just throw it in the pond for them to fetch it themselves while you would slowly shred the bread into small pieces and feed them slowly. When you and my daughter used to play board games, you would seriously consider each move while she would get up and take a break and return to the game whenever she felt like it. When my daughter could only manage to draw a stick figure, your princesses already had puffed sleeves and gowns. You grew up to be artistic as well as really serious about what you do, taking into consideration of the consequences before going ahead with the task while my daughter still loves Disney and wants a stress free life."
It's true isn't it, that who you are has already been determined so much by the Creator. I am serious. I realized two days ago sitting on the subway to work, I am really NOT FUNNY. While the majority of my close friends in NYC are the comedian types, I am the exact opposite. I administrate: I organize our gatherings and call people up to meet and when we do, I am pretty quiet. And I can't be blatantly funny: I think comedy is a stupid movie genre because I think trying to make people laugh at dirty jokes is dumb. I think the cleverest of comedies are the ones that are somehow integrated with daily life. Perhaps in the idiosyncracies of a person or an inside joke that somehow gets blown out of proportion. But not stupid or dirty humour.
Yet as one of my loudest friends said when I shared with him how I am too serious he said,
"you know in baking, the recipe always calls for a pinch of salt? It's only a tiny bit but it's to balance out the sugary flavours. It is small but significant. That's what you are like in our group, the salt. Perhaps quiet and serious but still just as important."
That was very sweet (pun intended).
I take life seriously because I want every moment to count for something. It's why I don't drink, it's why I don't game beyond the means to socially interact with certain people and it's why I don't go clubbing. I don't see how it will enhance my life or improve it, then why bother? Thus, I am serious about finding a church and finding a solid group of Christian friends who are equally as passionate about God as I am. I didn't know there was time for being wishy washy.
If I'm not serious about something it's an indication that I'm not passionate about it. And if I'm not passionate about it, then why am I doing it? Life is too short to be taken as a joke.
Why am I having these dreams? God if it's not in Your will, please remove them. To my shame, my hope and faith in people are stronger than in You. Yet You've known me from the start. How silly is it to still place hope in him since we're miles away? Be the God of my dreams.
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