Model Height

Steven Meisel for Vogue Italia, March,2008

I completed seven days but haven't had time to edit and stuff. Will do some time later.. when there's time.


I took my grandmother for dim sum today, my treat, considering I am now officially a working young adult. She invited a friend along, one that I knew, of her age whom began to pepper me with question about becoming fully of 'HK Flavor.' She asked me if I found a boy yet to which I said not interested in HK boys and my grandmother quipped that she should introduce me to one. She laughs and then says, the punch line:
"you're too tall."

In my head, I have always thought that the reason why I was less dateable was because, well, I hover clearly above the general population of Asians in Asia. What guy wants to date someone he can't psychologically protect physically? My colleague and I were rushing out on Friday night to get to our respective destinations with friends. I mentioned that I was going to change into heels to which she immediately says, "Are you going with a boy?"
I said no, I just want to wear heels because I feel like it. I wasn't in a rush so why not? Go home, shower, laze around and pick a cute outfit with heels to wear to the movies and dinner.
She said, "Oh so I guess you're the kind of person who wears heels because you just want to."

On Wednesday, I needed a pick-me-up beyond just making a tiramisu. Not having slept more than five hours stressing over a marketing project was irking me at work. My colleague, the weekend prior, was trying on a pair of heels at Zara and I reallly really liked how they looked. So from my isolated warehouse of a workplace, dashed all the way to Central to buy a pair of stilettos and dashed all the way back to TST to treat my aunt and friend for dinner.

I just needed them- not that they're of any practical value but I needed a de-stresser. Some girls love cute, fluffy stuffed animals. I can't really stand them: they are of no practical use to me and collect dust thus giving me hives. But a pair of stilettos? Even if they killed my ankles and even if I never wear them, I'd prefer hugging those to sleep than a stuffed animal (providing the heel doesn't ram into my soft corneas).
I slipped them on at Zara, preened in front of the mirror. People started staring and doing the Elevator Eyes. I guess who wouldn't, if you saw a six foot giant?
3.5" heels. I hobble, like all the other Central ladies in suits and pencil skirts: they may have dark undereyes and sallow skin, but they're dressed well and hobbling in their Miu Miu's.

But yes, with the shoes on, I'm about six feet.
Although I am tall, although I am too tall to be an eligible Chinese girl for most boys here, I comfort myself knowing that when I enter the subways I catch people first looking at my face, realizing that they have to look up, and then proceed to stare straight down at my feet to see if I am wearing any platform elevation. No, sorry, long legs are a natural elevation.
Screw the gym, my limbs grew an extra three inches just with a pair of shoes.

In the end, though I did stop wearing heels for the opposite sex, I realize the pleasure I derive from dressing the way I do comes from what I alone deem as sexy. To me, my legs look darn fine in stilettos because I myself think the shoes are hot (and I look skinnier!! lolol). I may resemble a grandfather in my pace (not used to being on the balls of my feet) but whatever, I'll be six feet anyway so whoever I meet should be at least that height right? ahaha.. kidding. I love this quote from this article about gender dressing: AA Gill on what men want women to wear

I like the look, because I’d notice how hot it is, but not everyone else would. And it’s that thing about me noticing, rather than anyone else, that makes it special.

That is what I define as 'sexy': the small details that most people wouldn't appreciate it because of its individuality.

I never really was 'boy crazy'. I mean, I never really was aware of it. My cousin, when we were at the tender age of twelve, would always write me letters concerning boys and boy bands... I was always puzzled as to why girls were always so obsessed with boys. Tee hee.
A friend asked me what I did if I caught someone checking me out. I told her I never looked at people- there were so many beautiful window displays in NYC, that I was always distracted with admiring the scenery.
I never really cared. It never struck me that I needed to date yet I guess I started wondering why I didn't care. And because I thought I was strange, I started to care. What a dumb mistake- I should have just stuck with being the me who never cared.
And now, I feel like it's supposed to be a source of panic: after watching 'The Ugly Truth' I realized that I've caught on to this cultural need to panic over not having a guy. Stupid and illogical- yet I've bought into it. God needs to change me: I'm waiting.

If I could turn back time
I'd go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'd go wherever you will go

How fitting. Even after the time that has passed, I am crushed that this hope is still not dead yet. It's the only song I can really listen to.

Sorry, this is all psychobabble. So tired T-T