Home is where the Heart is

The Balloon Project

Contrary to yesterday's rather dismal weather, May 13 was full of sunshine and warmth.

If home is where the heart is, what if the heart doesn't have a home? We build homes in the hearts of others yet they're always moving.

We got breakfast together at The Coffee Shop.
I looked at her today. Goodbye, I'll see you... whenever
Don't say that, she said.
She looked a little sad- a little teary-eyed.
You're the first person I have to say goodbye to.
Really? I wish I could stay in NY longer but yeah...

This routine is an old one. And yet the feelings that surface seem so new each time. It's a song that's been sung so many times, but every time the tune is played, it sounds different. I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. I just hugged her and wished her luck.

I must say that this year has been really hard on me socially.
Cloudification comes with a price. Cloudification not determined on strickly a gf-bf level but in all aspects of my social life. And I mean that in all seriousness.
This year I will probably be letting go of two of my closest friends in New York. I met one through taking a Draping class with in my sophomore year. We stayed in touch and always went out for cupcakes or to explore the Meatpacking District. I was there when she first went out on a date with her boyfriend (oh yes, third wheel) and was there when she was upset that he wanted to break it off. She'd always randomly call me to come down and play and it was fun. She drew me in because she always took initiative to do stuff other than just work.

The other is the welcoming ministry leader who will probably be leaving to Arizona. I can't say she's always been there for me but she's just one of those people who when I first met up with over rice pudding at Rice to Riches, I immediately knew I could trust her. And she seemed to genuinely care about me and all that mattered most personally.
You could also say she was my Henry Cloud confidante. I'm usually very tight lipped about this issue especially to family and close friends, but she doesnt judge me when I tell her in person.
She also invites me out to a lot of group events and encourages me to get to know other people from our church. Although we probably only hung out about 12 times, I'm glad I got to know her. It saddens me to see that the person I trust the most at church is leaving.

I keep getting flashbacks on the past month: drums, sakura matsuri, frozen yogurt, murakami, philip glass opera, movie after movie... People ask me if I'm ready to go to Hong Kong yet I'm so focused on getting to Toronto, HK seems like a distant idea. Yet it's only a week away.

My friend and I got Red Mango the past Wednesday and sat on the steps in Union Square at 11pm to enjoy the dessert. It was one of those monumental moments where the world feels both small and large: small because we were both talking about going to China to work as designers, large because, well, we're in New York and it's always brimming with people.

And here we are again. On the brink of transitioning into two worlds. I'm living deja vu. It's cyclical: last year I walked down 14th st to meet a friend for lunch on a sunny afternoon and took passport pictures for my trip to Paris. This year I did the exact same thing except I went to buy brownies for relatives. But it seems so different. The melody's the same but the lyrics have changed.

Home is where the heart is.
My heart's in too many people at once.