Camera Lesson// Sakura, Sakura// The Gift Economy

No I did not make the sugar flowers on top



Surprisingly the most labour intensive ones were not the cupcakes in tinfoil with flowers on top but the ones with plain sprinkles with brown paper cups. I had to cut strips of web paper into strips, fold, wrap around the cupcake and then tie it with a piece of twine to resemble an obi. Yeah it took me ages to keep the paper and string held tightly on the body of the cake. And it takes only a second for consumers to slide them off. -_-
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Camera Lesson

Okay I've been asked countless of times what the difference is between Canon and Nikon SLRs. Here it is: Nikon takes more realistic, photojournalistic photographs while Canon has a more romantic, artistic quality to it and tends to enhance the lighting and colour. So can you tell the difference from these two images I took?





The first is the Nikon: that's what the weather looked like when I shot the picture and the second is obviously the Canon with the blurry background and extreme blue hue. But yeah, that's the difference between the two types. Most young people like Canon for its romanticization (because we're all in denial of our tragically ugly lives).
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Sakura, Sakura



So my cousin came down again to visit the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. We were lucky, it was supposed to rain but the clouds held back and we were able to go there unscathed. Since everyone was anticipating rain there were relatively few people sitting around the picnic designated spots. We packed a lunch of small sandwiches, canned tea, pink champagne-frosting chocolate cupcakes and strawberries (so sweet) and spread out some random fabric I had at home under the trees. It was nice, admittedly a little cold and damp because it rained the night before but by the time we were about to leave, the sun came out. The activities themselves were a little disappointing and the cosplaying was horrendous, nevertheless the trees still held on tightly to the flowers that are going to soon wilt and die off.
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The Gift Economy

I don't want to make this sound like a really selfish complaint/rant.. but yeah I'm just going to start writing all that's been on my mind lately.
So my 21st is coming up this time next week; to a lot of people this is just another year, and just another birthday not worth fawning over.
But I want to do something, I really do, but I'm socially burned out.
I can't expect friends to do things for me, and by the way, if you are reading this I am not by any means trying to hint at anything. I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone. I know I should not expect anyone to go out of their way to plan anything since everyone has finals right now and have to move out of their dorms but at times when you do something for a friend, you can't help but hope they reciprocate and return the favour. It is a favour, and a favour should come with no strings attached. But it crosses my mind when I host birthday events or bake a cake for someone else etc. It's natural and I can't help but wonder if I did not plan anything for my birthday, would someone else take the initiative to do it? You treat others in the way you want to be treated right? And if nothing happens on my birthday, I'd just let it pass.

Plan my own party you say? It's not the same. I'm driven to plan things for other people because I like the satisfaction watching the receiver enjoy herself. It's immensely rewarding. As I said before, I go out of my way to do things for other people because I know there's that not only does it strengthen the relationship but there's also this feel good factor that comes with it. So when it comes to planning things for myself, I have no incentive or drive to do anything because it's for myself: the end goal is to satisfy myself and not others so it doesn't really make me want to do anything. Now if it was a friend who planned it, it would be different because I feel loved; it's not me doing something for myself.

All I really want from friends is their time. I don't want gifts because gifts in the end, are just products you throw away (yes here we go with the sustainability philosophy) but I've realized as a New Yorker, because we live in such small spaces, having stuff just amounts to a lot of stress. The Japanese spend little money on home furnishings since living space is precious thus they put all their money into designer goods: wear your social status, not live in it. And I would not ask my friends to pay for expensive gifts: show me a good time, not give me stuff. So these days I've been investing all my disposable income into service systems. Although they are intangible products, I find them much more rewarding in some aspects than actual objects. Well the majority of them are food related. lol. Instead of buying clothes, I go to a nice restaurant with a friend: not only does it satisfy a basic need for energy but also allows me to spend time with someone. Or when Robyn was over, we went out for cheap manicures and packed two cupcakes for the japanese manicurist as a gift: all of these emphasize more of the social than the tangible (yay my nails are a sheen of gold). Going to museums, galleries, parks are all service systems than products.

So to me, the greatest gift a friend could give is their time. Oh gifts, in the physical object sense, are nice to but I'd probably like the gift more because of its sign value as a physical manifestation of their love for me.

It hurts to know that people don't or can't make time for me for my birthday. But I can't say anything either because they are not obligated to make time or do anything for me. As I said earlier, friends are based on a gift economy where neither friend has a right to demand anything from one another.

One of my closest friends from church has no time for me because she's graduating and probably leaving New York for the next while. Her parents are hosting a grad dinner for her on my birthday in which she invited me to come along. I don't think I'll go but I just wish she could spare some time to just talk because this is probably the last time I'll see her for the next while.

I'm just frustrated from giving so much (four birthdays to be exact in addition to extras like Small Groups, being on Welcoming Ministry and Senior Night and also having to find time to spend with my friend from Toronto who is visiting).

I really don't want to care anymore.