Looking Back

View from the Country Club in HK on Christmas Day.

I said, "ru guo ai,"
He said, "yee ding ai."

I read something this afternoon which was encouraging. I don't know what He has for me in the grand scheme of things, but I know His will is perfect and just.
Who am I to question Your ways? You know me far better than I know myself.

Taking a step back, I realize despite 'unfortunate' circumstances, that I have made a lot of friends in New York. I don't think I really saw it until recently. After first year, I could count all my friends on one hand: and those didn't even count because they were my roommates who I was somewhat forced to live with. Now it's definitely spanned to over ten people. I guess I was forced to move outside the four walls of my studio partially because my roomie is always at her boyfriend's place so I sought company elsewhere. After class today, I met up with a former roommate and we went to find Heath Ledger's apartment in Soho. We've made celebrity-home walks a unique tradition between the two of us; it all started in freshmen year when we decided to walk all the way up to Marilyn Monroe's apartment and back which was a total of 100 blocks and on another occasion, we visited Christy Turlington's apartment on the East side. Upon arrival, we'd just look at the building trying to imagine a celebrity living in there, take a picture and then walk back. Anyway, at the foot of Heath Ledger's apartment were a lot of flowers, a million miniature origami cranes scattered in a rainbow of colours as well as personal notes from fans.
Walking back, another school friend called and I ended up walking with her to the Marc Jacobs store on Bleeker because she wanted to scout out the area since she had an interview lined up in the coming week. I saw a shirt there for $248 USD and I remember trying the exact same one on in a small store in Wan Chai which resells 'extra' designer garments for $60 USD. Those poor Americans who are suckered into buying 'made in china' clothing with a $200 designer label.
After that, I met up with another friend to eat dinner at St Alps. We had a good conversation- a two way conversation.

Looking back, the times I felt the happiest were from March to May. Looking back I would have liked to tell my naive self to enjoy it to its fullest and not hope for more because she wouldn't experience it again later on. There are some songs that are hard to listen to because each is ingrained with a specific memory.

Heartbreak is not what we usually perceive it as: some dramatically tragic Romeo and Juliet sob fest. Rather it is a quiet acknowledgement of something that will never be- the absorption of all those feelings manifested for the person in a long, painful but quiet process of healing. '2046' does well to portray this kind of quiet disappointment.