Easter: preference in worship, perception of strength, drawing close, girls
Preference in Worship
Worship was soooo amazing today. I wish it was like this all the time. I don't know if it's wrong to say this but I wish RHCBC worship was like Remnant worship.... is that wrong to say? I feel more passionate worshiping with the people here than in Toronto. I know worship should be the means to meet God and it shouldn't matter what songs you sing as long as they praise God.... but I can't help it. When I went back for Christmas, it seemed really dry- I guess it's because of the worship team changes, I'm just not used to Dan and Kim's traditional style. I love hearing the piano riffs, the woody sounds of the cello, the cool thud of the bass, the angelic like voices of the singers and the intense rhythm of the drums. It makes me want to bob my head, jump and raise my hands.
Today we sang 'Mighty to Save' by Hillsong- an amazing song. As soon as I got home, I purchased it on Itunes. 'Author of salvation'- what a beautiful line. People, download this song. It's so pretty. This will soon reach 100 times listened- I can tell you that. :P
Saviour, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save.
He is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation.
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
We seriously have to sing this song at RHCBC.
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Perceptions of Strength
People's perceptions of you may not be true but you end up internalizing them and believing them yourself.
Sometimes I doubt myself in terms of physical strength. I have two arms, two legs and a level head but I doubt their strength. God created me to be very long and lean yet perhaps it's because I don't exercise much, my fingers have been a cause for grief often in terms of playing sports. In the past I had to double up my middle and ring finger and bandage them to avoid them from overstretching and breaking the tendon. When buying groceries, my roommate insists on taking the heavy goods because she thinks my fingers are going to snap. Not joking. I know she means it kindly but there are times when I'm lifting things and putting them away, she acts in utter shock that I have the capacity to do so. Tania always jokes about how ET-like they are and how brittle they look that you could snap them in half.
Last week my cousin went to church early to set up the worship stuff. I thought of joining but my doubt in my physical strength and lack of knowledge in AV stuff stopped me from going. This week I decided, hey why not just go and try it out for a week. Yeah and today just proved something to me. I don't want to be seen as a weak individual. I think this perception that people have formed of me just drives me to show people that I can handle things on my own. I'm not a feminist who hates it when men open the door for me out of consideration however I dislike it when people question my physical ability to lift boxes and music stands. I can only tolerate so much joking around- it hurts a little that people think you are incapable of physical labour. I know I'm not the strongest person on earth, but I can handle a few music stands- I'm not going to topple over.
I felt severely underdressed today and also at the Good Friday service- practically every guy was wearing a suit today- yes a full suit while I was chilling in a hoodie and jeans (in my own interpretation of course): thought if I had to lift things, it would a little silly in a dress. While I was helping packing things up with a few other girls and a couple of guys, our pastor comes up to me and says "why are all the girls doing it? Where are the guys?" Yeah where are they anyway. I told him "they don't want to mess up their suits."
Our pastor is funny. He tries to hook people up together like some matchmaker. The first thing he said today prior to his sermon was "look at all the guys all in their suits eh ladies?" Omg. And then he continues to say "And guys, look at the ladies! Aren't they looking good today?" And this guy named Danny yelled in agreement and our pastor responds by saying "Danny, you gotta repent." Lol.
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Drawing Close
Within the past two weeks, I have been able to draw close to certain people both here and Toronto. And the more I am able to understand and see who they really are, the more I realize how little I know of them in the first place. When one curtain is torn, you realize how many more there are, veiling their true self. I'm trying to open up more by placing my trust in them early on in the relationship- this may not be a wise decision but I think it cements the friendship right from the beginning and gives it a foundation to grow from. I've decided that I can't go on playing those light, small talk 'games' with people... I skim the surface too much- I fear plunging in because I don't want people to find me overly pushy.
I thought I knew someone- someone I considered a close friend, and after having talked more, I laugh at myself for having thought I knew that person deeply. I think being able to talk about failures and fears really shows others why you act the way you do. I don't think people really understand you until they know what fear drives you to do something.
I guess I learned this from talking to Andrew and reading his blog concerning shame, guilt, and grace. I think the ideas of grace really came to form this year for me- in experiencing God's grace within me. I still have yet to work on lifting that guilt of past sins to Him and finding people who will not judge me based on what I've done because I'm so afraid of people seeing the ugliness and imperfection(yes it reminds me of that Eason song.) Got a lot of renovating to do.
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Girls
At Bagel Stix today, Robyn and I were talking about a spectrum of things... and it's true. Girls here are so girly, it makes me wanna puke. Girls are very much like water as I said a year ago- very fluid and everchanging (or you can call it fickle). I find men are more stoic, solid and 'balanced' like wood. And I think after having developed a few guy friendships the past year (didn't have any in the past), it's nice to have a different perspective/take on things than your girlfriends. In a way they can be more comforting- I can't explain it.
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Worship was soooo amazing today. I wish it was like this all the time. I don't know if it's wrong to say this but I wish RHCBC worship was like Remnant worship.... is that wrong to say? I feel more passionate worshiping with the people here than in Toronto. I know worship should be the means to meet God and it shouldn't matter what songs you sing as long as they praise God.... but I can't help it. When I went back for Christmas, it seemed really dry- I guess it's because of the worship team changes, I'm just not used to Dan and Kim's traditional style. I love hearing the piano riffs, the woody sounds of the cello, the cool thud of the bass, the angelic like voices of the singers and the intense rhythm of the drums. It makes me want to bob my head, jump and raise my hands.
Today we sang 'Mighty to Save' by Hillsong- an amazing song. As soon as I got home, I purchased it on Itunes. 'Author of salvation'- what a beautiful line. People, download this song. It's so pretty. This will soon reach 100 times listened- I can tell you that. :P
Saviour, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save.
He is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation.
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
We seriously have to sing this song at RHCBC.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Perceptions of Strength
People's perceptions of you may not be true but you end up internalizing them and believing them yourself.
Sometimes I doubt myself in terms of physical strength. I have two arms, two legs and a level head but I doubt their strength. God created me to be very long and lean yet perhaps it's because I don't exercise much, my fingers have been a cause for grief often in terms of playing sports. In the past I had to double up my middle and ring finger and bandage them to avoid them from overstretching and breaking the tendon. When buying groceries, my roommate insists on taking the heavy goods because she thinks my fingers are going to snap. Not joking. I know she means it kindly but there are times when I'm lifting things and putting them away, she acts in utter shock that I have the capacity to do so. Tania always jokes about how ET-like they are and how brittle they look that you could snap them in half.
Last week my cousin went to church early to set up the worship stuff. I thought of joining but my doubt in my physical strength and lack of knowledge in AV stuff stopped me from going. This week I decided, hey why not just go and try it out for a week. Yeah and today just proved something to me. I don't want to be seen as a weak individual. I think this perception that people have formed of me just drives me to show people that I can handle things on my own. I'm not a feminist who hates it when men open the door for me out of consideration however I dislike it when people question my physical ability to lift boxes and music stands. I can only tolerate so much joking around- it hurts a little that people think you are incapable of physical labour. I know I'm not the strongest person on earth, but I can handle a few music stands- I'm not going to topple over.
I felt severely underdressed today and also at the Good Friday service- practically every guy was wearing a suit today- yes a full suit while I was chilling in a hoodie and jeans (in my own interpretation of course): thought if I had to lift things, it would a little silly in a dress. While I was helping packing things up with a few other girls and a couple of guys, our pastor comes up to me and says "why are all the girls doing it? Where are the guys?" Yeah where are they anyway. I told him "they don't want to mess up their suits."
Our pastor is funny. He tries to hook people up together like some matchmaker. The first thing he said today prior to his sermon was "look at all the guys all in their suits eh ladies?" Omg. And then he continues to say "And guys, look at the ladies! Aren't they looking good today?" And this guy named Danny yelled in agreement and our pastor responds by saying "Danny, you gotta repent." Lol.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Drawing Close
Within the past two weeks, I have been able to draw close to certain people both here and Toronto. And the more I am able to understand and see who they really are, the more I realize how little I know of them in the first place. When one curtain is torn, you realize how many more there are, veiling their true self. I'm trying to open up more by placing my trust in them early on in the relationship- this may not be a wise decision but I think it cements the friendship right from the beginning and gives it a foundation to grow from. I've decided that I can't go on playing those light, small talk 'games' with people... I skim the surface too much- I fear plunging in because I don't want people to find me overly pushy.
I thought I knew someone- someone I considered a close friend, and after having talked more, I laugh at myself for having thought I knew that person deeply. I think being able to talk about failures and fears really shows others why you act the way you do. I don't think people really understand you until they know what fear drives you to do something.
I guess I learned this from talking to Andrew and reading his blog concerning shame, guilt, and grace. I think the ideas of grace really came to form this year for me- in experiencing God's grace within me. I still have yet to work on lifting that guilt of past sins to Him and finding people who will not judge me based on what I've done because I'm so afraid of people seeing the ugliness and imperfection(yes it reminds me of that Eason song.) Got a lot of renovating to do.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Girls
At Bagel Stix today, Robyn and I were talking about a spectrum of things... and it's true. Girls here are so girly, it makes me wanna puke. Girls are very much like water as I said a year ago- very fluid and everchanging (or you can call it fickle). I find men are more stoic, solid and 'balanced' like wood. And I think after having developed a few guy friendships the past year (didn't have any in the past), it's nice to have a different perspective/take on things than your girlfriends. In a way they can be more comforting- I can't explain it.
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4 Comments:
aw wow, hehe i need to go to Remnant one day. Theres no one in my age group anymore :( plus, it'll be nice to see you!
Hey Pat! I haven't even seen you in NY since I moved here.. I thought you were gonna go to Remnant a month ago but didn't see you. Come this Sunday!
will probably ask later, but isn't Redeemer Presbyterian Church close by where you are at?
Er.. Remnant is on 53rd and 9th Ave.. I think they're on the other side...
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