Reflections
So where to begin from these couple of hurricane days? Much has happened since and my heart feels unsettled despite it all.
I can hardly remember what has happened- it was a flurry of activities from here and there. And now I just want some quiet time apart from everyone- to cleanse myself and slow down.
It started with rounds of tennis with Andrew and Pearl at the courst near Tania's house in the rain. It would have been great if the balls didn't just drop dead on the ground. We attempted to play a game but it was pretty sad. hahha.
Yeah so after Pearl and Andrew came over to play of chess before going to their softball practice. Tania and I finally finally finally finished that last page in our scrapbook. It spanned from gr10 to gr11. The book itself was not near done but the whole thing is busting because it's stuffed and jammed back with pictures, ribbon, metal words and other paraphernelia. So we shall start a new one during Christmas.
So after that we had dinner at with her family and in short, we rented the 'Family Stone' and went to this bubble tea gathering that Alice organized at Go For Tea. So I had bubble tea with Lois, Tania and this other UHSer called Mickey. Oh, did I mention we were at a table of 20+ UHSers?
And omg, there were 20 people with many others coming in and out and just dropping by. Honestly, it pretty much sucked. Before, Tania, Lois and I just sat in the car to waste some time since we got there early. I had bubble tea with people I didn't even hang out with in high school. Yeah sorry, I can't do huge groups because I find them a waste of time. And 24 people was way too big plus we had to spend $7 min each. Rip off. And people seemed so overly happy and I felt a little shoved to the side with someone's back to me. It was really stuffy as well. Tania and I left early.
We got back to watch the Family Stone with Sarah Jessica Parker. It's basically about this New Yorker who goes to her bf's family's house for Christmas and they all hate her because she seems too proper and awkward and stiff but she tries to help in the kitchen and make conversations (poorly). There was this one scene where she basically freaks out at the family and tells them how she tried to impress them with personal gifts and making food in the kitchen yet they still held up the walls against her. Perhaps it was because I was tired (hence a little overemotional) and I teared a little. I know, it's really pathetic, but I understood this woman on screen in her office regalia and heels.
The rest of the movie was absolutely ridiculous, Sarah's character asks her sister to come up to the family house and her bf basically falls in love with her after talking about work and how this guy spent five years making a totem pole. And I was about to puke from this movie's ridiculous view of 'love' where you can apparently find your soulmate within two days. Yeah and SJP's character ends up falling in love with Luke Wilson after getting drunk. I died at the end from all the cheese.
Anyway, it was 3am by the time we finished and we played a short game of Scrabble and slept at 4am. lol. I know, we're such nerds.
We got up around 12 and almost completed one crossword from today's paper and went to the softball game which they lost. Since Tania had to go to a TMS get together at Go For Tea AGAIN at 9pm and didn't want to drive me home, we picked Lois up at Kitty's house and went to Markville to get their TMS friend, Holly, a present.
Yeah and I forgot the mall closes at 6pm so we only had half an hour to shop. She's a Coach lover so I suggested getting the September Vogue for her and they also got a pair of boxers and a Starbucks gift cert at Chapters at FMP after. Yeah I really like buying people presents although I don't even know them. I'm addicted to getting that high when I give people something and seeing them happy so I contributed $5 to the magazine.
We spent ages at Chapters to kill time and went to FMP food court for dinner.
As for the gathering, it was okay. I was really tired so I was pretty dead during the entire thing. It probably came off as being cold but I really could not think of anything to say and I didn't want to shout across the table and attract attention. Everyone is linked to someone- it's really weird. One of the TMSers called Brian had a gf (I presume from their actions) called Tiff who went to Ryerson for Interior Design who also knows Dor. It was a little awkward when they talked about stuff I had no idea what they were talking about and I did get a little pissed inbetween partially because I was cranky and felt left out.
But at least Holly really liked the Vogue (which she calls the bible.. hahah.. fashion bible that is). Since her dad is a dentist, Lois and Tania we wondering if they already subscribed to Vogue or just bought it.. I deduced that they didn't because I've never seen any doc offices that have Vogue. It's usually Elle or Flare or InStyle. Also it just came out a week ago so unless you were someone like me- she probably didn't buy it yet. And my logic was right- she didn't have it. Yes!! I love trying to figure out presents. So much fun. Except for guys which gets a little hard for my feminine mind.
And then we party hopped to Demetres to celebrate Moe's birthday with the same group of UHSers but there were only ten of us this time. Yeah... we saw some other people there too who were pretty immature. I wanted to tell them to grow up when they started taking the cream from their desserts and started smearing it onto each other.
So now I am back. That's what happened basically.
I think I have to review this personality/work test that Andrew sent me... I feel like I haven't really been an ENFP (an extrovert first). During my last few days here in Toronto, I just don't want to hang out with everyone from my past. Like the 24 people at Go For Tea was unbearable and everyone just looked pretentious. Sorry for anyone who attended the gathering and is reading this right now but I'm just being honest. I really disliked it. I'd rather spend quality time with a small group of friends rather than a huge quantity of people I hardly know which lacks in quality. Right now I'm pretty selective with my time since I have very little to spend here. On the upside, it was nice to talk to Mickey who I NEVER spoke to in UHS but he was really friendly though he didn't really know any of us.
And wow, I feel like our friends have grown up with two of us Raps crew having boyfriends. Kind of odd since we were a strictly female group... sigh.. all growing up. It's nice to see them as couples- I don't feel jealous because they're all beautiful girls but I always wonder when....
Yeah I must say the greatest quotes from last night pertaining to me,
Mickey: I don't see you at Waterloo- you go to Waterloo right?
I just burst out laughing because I can't really picture myself there.
Wilfred: Did you just get back from work?
Me: Huh? I don't work.
Wilfred: Oh....
Me: Goodbye!
It's not really funny unless you were there to see: yeah I think it was what I was wearing- white blouse, suspender dress and leggings. I guess it looks more 'office attire'. I was initially confused at his comment because it came out of nowhere (and I don't usually talk to him either).
I'm really nervous about going back to New York. It's just the pain of saying goodbye. I take those really hard. Tomorrow (or today) will be my last day at church. Sigh. How long will I have to endure this? Will I ever call New York my home? I feel like I'm being uprooted once again. I want to strengthen church friendships more and it'll be hard with the distance and school.
And I wonder how Robyn is doing in New York. I remember exactly a year ago being in her position, I was afraid. I felt like I had lost everything and the only hope I had to grasp onto were my parents. And when they left my dorm, I just cried because I had never felt so alone. Although I've moved so many times, my family has always gone with me. And this time, I had to go at it alone. I don't think could understand how scared I was unless you experienced losing all you once knew to be placed in somewhere new with no friends or family there. The first few nights with my roommates were odd- I just kept to myself and listened to that Coldplay song which I can no longer listen to anymore because it's too painful when I do listen to it. It makes me depressed.
I feel that lump in my throat. I hate that feeling because it hurts. I wonder what I will gain from this learning experience. I feel like I've given so much to be there- giving up relationships with friends and family to be in New York. Giving up a ton of money for tuition. To gain what, God? If you want to walk on water, get out of the boat. I'm waiting to see the payoff. Does greater sacrifice mean greater gain?
Right now I'm listening to 'From the Inside Out'. It's soothing me and reminding me what and who I'm living for. It's my security blanket.
I can hardly remember what has happened- it was a flurry of activities from here and there. And now I just want some quiet time apart from everyone- to cleanse myself and slow down.
It started with rounds of tennis with Andrew and Pearl at the courst near Tania's house in the rain. It would have been great if the balls didn't just drop dead on the ground. We attempted to play a game but it was pretty sad. hahha.
Yeah so after Pearl and Andrew came over to play of chess before going to their softball practice. Tania and I finally finally finally finished that last page in our scrapbook. It spanned from gr10 to gr11. The book itself was not near done but the whole thing is busting because it's stuffed and jammed back with pictures, ribbon, metal words and other paraphernelia. So we shall start a new one during Christmas.
So after that we had dinner at with her family and in short, we rented the 'Family Stone' and went to this bubble tea gathering that Alice organized at Go For Tea. So I had bubble tea with Lois, Tania and this other UHSer called Mickey. Oh, did I mention we were at a table of 20+ UHSers?
And omg, there were 20 people with many others coming in and out and just dropping by. Honestly, it pretty much sucked. Before, Tania, Lois and I just sat in the car to waste some time since we got there early. I had bubble tea with people I didn't even hang out with in high school. Yeah sorry, I can't do huge groups because I find them a waste of time. And 24 people was way too big plus we had to spend $7 min each. Rip off. And people seemed so overly happy and I felt a little shoved to the side with someone's back to me. It was really stuffy as well. Tania and I left early.
We got back to watch the Family Stone with Sarah Jessica Parker. It's basically about this New Yorker who goes to her bf's family's house for Christmas and they all hate her because she seems too proper and awkward and stiff but she tries to help in the kitchen and make conversations (poorly). There was this one scene where she basically freaks out at the family and tells them how she tried to impress them with personal gifts and making food in the kitchen yet they still held up the walls against her. Perhaps it was because I was tired (hence a little overemotional) and I teared a little. I know, it's really pathetic, but I understood this woman on screen in her office regalia and heels.
The rest of the movie was absolutely ridiculous, Sarah's character asks her sister to come up to the family house and her bf basically falls in love with her after talking about work and how this guy spent five years making a totem pole. And I was about to puke from this movie's ridiculous view of 'love' where you can apparently find your soulmate within two days. Yeah and SJP's character ends up falling in love with Luke Wilson after getting drunk. I died at the end from all the cheese.
Anyway, it was 3am by the time we finished and we played a short game of Scrabble and slept at 4am. lol. I know, we're such nerds.
We got up around 12 and almost completed one crossword from today's paper and went to the softball game which they lost. Since Tania had to go to a TMS get together at Go For Tea AGAIN at 9pm and didn't want to drive me home, we picked Lois up at Kitty's house and went to Markville to get their TMS friend, Holly, a present.
Yeah and I forgot the mall closes at 6pm so we only had half an hour to shop. She's a Coach lover so I suggested getting the September Vogue for her and they also got a pair of boxers and a Starbucks gift cert at Chapters at FMP after. Yeah I really like buying people presents although I don't even know them. I'm addicted to getting that high when I give people something and seeing them happy so I contributed $5 to the magazine.
We spent ages at Chapters to kill time and went to FMP food court for dinner.
As for the gathering, it was okay. I was really tired so I was pretty dead during the entire thing. It probably came off as being cold but I really could not think of anything to say and I didn't want to shout across the table and attract attention. Everyone is linked to someone- it's really weird. One of the TMSers called Brian had a gf (I presume from their actions) called Tiff who went to Ryerson for Interior Design who also knows Dor. It was a little awkward when they talked about stuff I had no idea what they were talking about and I did get a little pissed inbetween partially because I was cranky and felt left out.
But at least Holly really liked the Vogue (which she calls the bible.. hahah.. fashion bible that is). Since her dad is a dentist, Lois and Tania we wondering if they already subscribed to Vogue or just bought it.. I deduced that they didn't because I've never seen any doc offices that have Vogue. It's usually Elle or Flare or InStyle. Also it just came out a week ago so unless you were someone like me- she probably didn't buy it yet. And my logic was right- she didn't have it. Yes!! I love trying to figure out presents. So much fun. Except for guys which gets a little hard for my feminine mind.
And then we party hopped to Demetres to celebrate Moe's birthday with the same group of UHSers but there were only ten of us this time. Yeah... we saw some other people there too who were pretty immature. I wanted to tell them to grow up when they started taking the cream from their desserts and started smearing it onto each other.
So now I am back. That's what happened basically.
I think I have to review this personality/work test that Andrew sent me... I feel like I haven't really been an ENFP (an extrovert first). During my last few days here in Toronto, I just don't want to hang out with everyone from my past. Like the 24 people at Go For Tea was unbearable and everyone just looked pretentious. Sorry for anyone who attended the gathering and is reading this right now but I'm just being honest. I really disliked it. I'd rather spend quality time with a small group of friends rather than a huge quantity of people I hardly know which lacks in quality. Right now I'm pretty selective with my time since I have very little to spend here. On the upside, it was nice to talk to Mickey who I NEVER spoke to in UHS but he was really friendly though he didn't really know any of us.
And wow, I feel like our friends have grown up with two of us Raps crew having boyfriends. Kind of odd since we were a strictly female group... sigh.. all growing up. It's nice to see them as couples- I don't feel jealous because they're all beautiful girls but I always wonder when....
Yeah I must say the greatest quotes from last night pertaining to me,
Mickey: I don't see you at Waterloo- you go to Waterloo right?
I just burst out laughing because I can't really picture myself there.
Wilfred: Did you just get back from work?
Me: Huh? I don't work.
Wilfred: Oh....
Me: Goodbye!
It's not really funny unless you were there to see: yeah I think it was what I was wearing- white blouse, suspender dress and leggings. I guess it looks more 'office attire'. I was initially confused at his comment because it came out of nowhere (and I don't usually talk to him either).
I'm really nervous about going back to New York. It's just the pain of saying goodbye. I take those really hard. Tomorrow (or today) will be my last day at church. Sigh. How long will I have to endure this? Will I ever call New York my home? I feel like I'm being uprooted once again. I want to strengthen church friendships more and it'll be hard with the distance and school.
And I wonder how Robyn is doing in New York. I remember exactly a year ago being in her position, I was afraid. I felt like I had lost everything and the only hope I had to grasp onto were my parents. And when they left my dorm, I just cried because I had never felt so alone. Although I've moved so many times, my family has always gone with me. And this time, I had to go at it alone. I don't think could understand how scared I was unless you experienced losing all you once knew to be placed in somewhere new with no friends or family there. The first few nights with my roommates were odd- I just kept to myself and listened to that Coldplay song which I can no longer listen to anymore because it's too painful when I do listen to it. It makes me depressed.
I feel that lump in my throat. I hate that feeling because it hurts. I wonder what I will gain from this learning experience. I feel like I've given so much to be there- giving up relationships with friends and family to be in New York. Giving up a ton of money for tuition. To gain what, God? If you want to walk on water, get out of the boat. I'm waiting to see the payoff. Does greater sacrifice mean greater gain?
Right now I'm listening to 'From the Inside Out'. It's soothing me and reminding me what and who I'm living for. It's my security blanket.
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