The Game of Euchre
So I learned this trend of a game in the past three days. I was determined to learn it since it seems to be held with such high regards because it's a more intellectual game and harder to understand. When they tried to teach it to me at Go For Tea, everyone was nodding their heads with comprehension (or was it fake?) while I was like "I don't get it at all.. why am I so slow..." I learned it though. Or at retreat while Robyn was playing against Sam and Co. and she tried to give me a brief lesson on it.
Sometimes I feel like I've dug myself into a hole when I chose to go into the field I'm going to. Back in the early years of high school, I took everything because I had to: math, science, English, AY, geography, French, history etc. I was 'well rounded'. But when it came to Gr11 and 12, I dropped all maths and sciences and pursued politics, world issues, world history, French and interior design. Though people may not think I'm stupid I always think I need to prove to them that I'm not just some airheaded person who likes clothes and is oblivious to anything else. Julia's mom was pointing out last night that if both my parents were amazing at math, why am I not? I can be good at math but I learn slower than most Chinese kids. I probably need one and a half to two years to learn what they learn within two semesters. I did really poorly in math in grade 9. It really was my own dumb fault that I ended up with something like a 75% so I was determined to get better and I bought the textbook and my mom taught it to me during my summer in HK and I landed an 86 that year. Gr 11 was BAAAAD. Crappy teacher. I got low 80's I think. Yeah as for science, I only went to gr10 because I wanted to take electives within the interior design field and other humanities but wanted to stuff a bio in there but couldn't. So.... it wasn't like I was steering away from the sciences, I just didn't have the flexibility that the non AY people had. I think for both grades I had an 88%.
And though no one really has called me shallow in my face, I am always on the defensive when it comes to my interests. Why? Because no one else is interested in the things I am or is as immersed in it as I am. So I have no one to talk to about them. Sure Tanya is taking fashion design at Ryerson next year, but our conversations just don't run in that area. So when people find my interests are within that realm, they assume that talking about buying stuff is what really gets me going. It does sometimes but it's not just about getting new things when it comes to the F-word.
I'm very interested in conceptual designers who are not really into the aesthetics of familiarity. What we know as a 'shirt' is a total different definition to them. They try to change what we know as conventional into something that's avant garde. Many Japanese designers fall under this category like Yohji Yamamoto, and Commes Des Garcons (Japanese but French name). Then there is Anne Demeulmeester, Hussein Chalayan and Viktor and Rolf. Never interested in the ordinary or the trendy but for pure design element.
Personally I find there is a hierarchy when it comes to this certain interest (I'm trying to avoid using the F-word. I'm quite tired of hearing it and I am sure you are as well). There are who don't care, those who just like buying things and say they like it based on consumerism, those who think they're extremely avant garde by wearing polos and skinny jeans (and are not- most 14 year olds fall in this category who thinks fashion is based on what is in and out), those who try to break away from what is the norm and are more conscious of different elements of design and those who are off in their own world- the truly avant garde bunch. I fall in the attempts of breaking away from what is the norm- you can say I look like any other teenager- I try not to but everyone has their point of view.
Because I feel a little threatened by those who claim to be wise/theological/logical/deep, I often shut myself out from people and pursue my interests on my own. Because I write extensively in here, you cannot presume to know me fully. My blog is only a slice of who I am. It does not encompass my being.
So I indulge in my own whims on other blogs, journals and such where I am simply known as the person I portray myself to be. I can tell someone 'I like your dress' without feeling stupid or shallow but for the sake of what I like doing. Alter ego? A mask? Persona? No, it's pure me but a side I would not show to people I see on a day to day basis for fear of being labeled. If I did, would you be amused? Horrified? Weirded out?
In the end, I've realized that perhaps it is not others who think I am shallow but my own fear of realizing my interests at heart. Perhaps what I am doing is being defensive against myself and not towards other people though I honestly do think people will associate me with the superficial. Perhaps I am just afraid of myself. Or that I cannot just accept myself for who I was meant to be. Am I in denial? So what if people think you're shallow? But I still do because I want so badly to prove everyone wrong.
We all must admit, in the end, fashion deals with surfaces. It is naturally shallow but you can't go underwater till you hit the surface. Refer back to the Richard Avedon quote. It is simply amazing, simply for me.
Sometimes I feel like I've dug myself into a hole when I chose to go into the field I'm going to. Back in the early years of high school, I took everything because I had to: math, science, English, AY, geography, French, history etc. I was 'well rounded'. But when it came to Gr11 and 12, I dropped all maths and sciences and pursued politics, world issues, world history, French and interior design. Though people may not think I'm stupid I always think I need to prove to them that I'm not just some airheaded person who likes clothes and is oblivious to anything else. Julia's mom was pointing out last night that if both my parents were amazing at math, why am I not? I can be good at math but I learn slower than most Chinese kids. I probably need one and a half to two years to learn what they learn within two semesters. I did really poorly in math in grade 9. It really was my own dumb fault that I ended up with something like a 75% so I was determined to get better and I bought the textbook and my mom taught it to me during my summer in HK and I landed an 86 that year. Gr 11 was BAAAAD. Crappy teacher. I got low 80's I think. Yeah as for science, I only went to gr10 because I wanted to take electives within the interior design field and other humanities but wanted to stuff a bio in there but couldn't. So.... it wasn't like I was steering away from the sciences, I just didn't have the flexibility that the non AY people had. I think for both grades I had an 88%.
And though no one really has called me shallow in my face, I am always on the defensive when it comes to my interests. Why? Because no one else is interested in the things I am or is as immersed in it as I am. So I have no one to talk to about them. Sure Tanya is taking fashion design at Ryerson next year, but our conversations just don't run in that area. So when people find my interests are within that realm, they assume that talking about buying stuff is what really gets me going. It does sometimes but it's not just about getting new things when it comes to the F-word.
I'm very interested in conceptual designers who are not really into the aesthetics of familiarity. What we know as a 'shirt' is a total different definition to them. They try to change what we know as conventional into something that's avant garde. Many Japanese designers fall under this category like Yohji Yamamoto, and Commes Des Garcons (Japanese but French name). Then there is Anne Demeulmeester, Hussein Chalayan and Viktor and Rolf. Never interested in the ordinary or the trendy but for pure design element.
Personally I find there is a hierarchy when it comes to this certain interest (I'm trying to avoid using the F-word. I'm quite tired of hearing it and I am sure you are as well). There are who don't care, those who just like buying things and say they like it based on consumerism, those who think they're extremely avant garde by wearing polos and skinny jeans (and are not- most 14 year olds fall in this category who thinks fashion is based on what is in and out), those who try to break away from what is the norm and are more conscious of different elements of design and those who are off in their own world- the truly avant garde bunch. I fall in the attempts of breaking away from what is the norm- you can say I look like any other teenager- I try not to but everyone has their point of view.
Because I feel a little threatened by those who claim to be wise/theological/logical/deep, I often shut myself out from people and pursue my interests on my own. Because I write extensively in here, you cannot presume to know me fully. My blog is only a slice of who I am. It does not encompass my being.
So I indulge in my own whims on other blogs, journals and such where I am simply known as the person I portray myself to be. I can tell someone 'I like your dress' without feeling stupid or shallow but for the sake of what I like doing. Alter ego? A mask? Persona? No, it's pure me but a side I would not show to people I see on a day to day basis for fear of being labeled. If I did, would you be amused? Horrified? Weirded out?
In the end, I've realized that perhaps it is not others who think I am shallow but my own fear of realizing my interests at heart. Perhaps what I am doing is being defensive against myself and not towards other people though I honestly do think people will associate me with the superficial. Perhaps I am just afraid of myself. Or that I cannot just accept myself for who I was meant to be. Am I in denial? So what if people think you're shallow? But I still do because I want so badly to prove everyone wrong.
We all must admit, in the end, fashion deals with surfaces. It is naturally shallow but you can't go underwater till you hit the surface. Refer back to the Richard Avedon quote. It is simply amazing, simply for me.
1 Comments:
someone throw me a floating device..i'm drowning
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