Ice Queen
So I went to Salt today.
On my way out I saw two guys from the fellowship who I've never spoken to and I was going to smile and say bye but they look at me then look quickly away.
Okay.
And it occurs to me that perhaps I come off as really distant. I am not like my cousin who just approaches people and sticks out her hand and says "Hello my name is Robyn.. what's yours?" It's a cute thing but I don't do cute. See, I've gone to this church since high school and they've seen me, most likely know my name or my association with Robyn but don't know me. And I know their names but know nothing of them. Which makes it increasingly awkward because I don't talk to them so if I ever burst out in conversation, that would be kind of odd. When I go to church, I only speak to those I know and am quiet for the rest of the time. I have loads of girlfriends that I've met along the way: Tania, Lois, Kitty, Steph, Serene, Allie, Bonnie, Angie, Sam, Grace, April, Tanya, Dor, Amy, Karina, Julia, Vanessa, Sarah, Sarah B, Soph etc.
I have very little guy friends.
Why?
Because I'm a girl and predicting and reading female brains are a lot easier than male ones. Then there guys who try to act all cool and 'all that' which just turns me off from making introductions.
And then I'm just really shy and hope people will approach me instead. Which of course is doomed for failure most of the time.
With all pretentions and mostly pride set aside, I need more guy friends. How else am I going to get a boyfriend? And especially church guy friends.
Ugh. I'm a very stubborn and prideful person- that was quite a heartwrenching, humbling thing to say.
See, I've always come across as someone who doesn't need them- and I feel like I don't but it's interesting to get different gender perspectives on things. And I've been fighting that constantly.
I feel like I've set myself up with this uncaring persona and can't seem to break out of.
And every time I go to a new church I hope that it'll be different- I can come across as someone genuinely warm.
You see, I say very little to the opposite gender because I usually have nothing to say unless it's trivial so I don't bother. And I feel like an idiot most of the time. So how do I make friends and reach out to people?
I usually smile or laugh.
Or I bake. It sounds pathetic but really, how do I show people I 'care' if I don't? It's kind of my own mini outreach thing. Trust me, it works. Tiramisu, brownie, chocolate souffle cookie, chocolate cheesecake recipes under my belt- I'm good to go.
Yeah so now I'm stuck.
I'm going to end up a spinster.
On my way out I saw two guys from the fellowship who I've never spoken to and I was going to smile and say bye but they look at me then look quickly away.
Okay.
And it occurs to me that perhaps I come off as really distant. I am not like my cousin who just approaches people and sticks out her hand and says "Hello my name is Robyn.. what's yours?" It's a cute thing but I don't do cute. See, I've gone to this church since high school and they've seen me, most likely know my name or my association with Robyn but don't know me. And I know their names but know nothing of them. Which makes it increasingly awkward because I don't talk to them so if I ever burst out in conversation, that would be kind of odd. When I go to church, I only speak to those I know and am quiet for the rest of the time. I have loads of girlfriends that I've met along the way: Tania, Lois, Kitty, Steph, Serene, Allie, Bonnie, Angie, Sam, Grace, April, Tanya, Dor, Amy, Karina, Julia, Vanessa, Sarah, Sarah B, Soph etc.
I have very little guy friends.
Why?
Because I'm a girl and predicting and reading female brains are a lot easier than male ones. Then there guys who try to act all cool and 'all that' which just turns me off from making introductions.
And then I'm just really shy and hope people will approach me instead. Which of course is doomed for failure most of the time.
With all pretentions and mostly pride set aside, I need more guy friends. How else am I going to get a boyfriend? And especially church guy friends.
Ugh. I'm a very stubborn and prideful person- that was quite a heartwrenching, humbling thing to say.
See, I've always come across as someone who doesn't need them- and I feel like I don't but it's interesting to get different gender perspectives on things. And I've been fighting that constantly.
I feel like I've set myself up with this uncaring persona and can't seem to break out of.
And every time I go to a new church I hope that it'll be different- I can come across as someone genuinely warm.
You see, I say very little to the opposite gender because I usually have nothing to say unless it's trivial so I don't bother. And I feel like an idiot most of the time. So how do I make friends and reach out to people?
I usually smile or laugh.
Or I bake. It sounds pathetic but really, how do I show people I 'care' if I don't? It's kind of my own mini outreach thing. Trust me, it works. Tiramisu, brownie, chocolate souffle cookie, chocolate cheesecake recipes under my belt- I'm good to go.
Yeah so now I'm stuck.
I'm going to end up a spinster.
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