well I haven't blogged in here for quite some time and I just thought perhaps I shouldn't leave all my dear (shall I say bordering on 'nosy'? lol) readers high and dry with nothing to read.
I learnt a lot this month. I think God has taught me a lot in struggling, we find something else...We always hear that you should pick yourself up after you fall... but when you're in that pit... it just seems like empty words ricocheting into nothing.
If you don't know, I like to write (which is quite obvious considering I have a blog...). And I think I write better than a lot of people I know (stylistically and grammatically speaking.... depth wise too but I probably sound as if I have an inflated head). I was hoping to ace my personal narrative essay (Which eventually turned into persuasive) cuz I'm strong at that. I like writing stuff that concerns myself because you can't really go wrong. Well I received a mark that was close to 50 and I was pretty much devastated... The teacher said she couldn't mark it cuz it wasn't a personal or a persuasive, thus did not fit any criteria or ruberic.
And I cried.
The week before I had already failed my g2 (yes, for those who didn't know.. I failed it. And I cried a lot too.. yes.. I believe crying eleviates frustration and burden). And for my prose test, I received a 74 which kinda shocked me (according to my teacher it's way above the 53% average! But I don't care about average. I want higher!) So I was thinking "What next?! Am I gonna fail my upcoming english seminar? My upcoming g2 test again?" I know I'm good at English. I can do well and put my thoughts into words yet I couldn't get where I wanted to be. What did I want? I want an 85ish for English. But now I'm getting a lot worse than some of my 'less competent' (if you get my drift. I'm not being mean but this is true) English peers... okay fine. I shall stop comparing. I really have to stop. I feel the need to do well in English because it's the only thing I could compare myself with my other science friends.
But every cloud has to have a silver lining right?
So.... this week.. I passed my g2 and I got an 87% on my seminar (okay I wanted 90 but whatever... I think my expectations are a bit warped). Though I didn't get the 90, my mom reminded me of how God had blessed me with a great group that worked hard on their behalf of the seminar, Tania who helped me 'regurgitate' info so I had stuff to tell the class and a dad who helped me edit and stuff like that (I made this short video clip with pple I randomly interviewed on our issue of the ignorance within the public on the negative effects of cosmetic surgery)... yes. Well I the reason I cried those last two times was because I wanted something so bad and worked so hard on it that I fell short and didn't get even close to what I wanted. There aren't many things that I've tried that hard to achieve and the things that I do care about, they disappear.
It was quite odd though.. Every time I 'failed', the following day was always bright and beautiful and it constantly reminded me that He would never forsake us. The sun will still shine and life will go on. There will be other times I could redeem myself. Also I came across so many songs that were really encouraging such as Skillet's 'Imperfection', 'Dare You to Move' by Switchfoot, 'All Alone' by Kutless, 'Someone's Watching Over Me' and 'Fly' by Hilary Duff.
I also learnt that I have to let go of my pride. I never really thought of myself as a really proud nor 'arrogant' person but I guess I could be and become more condescending towards some of my peers when I feel competitive.
Sigh.. Im so sleepy.. I have a painting due on Monday.. well it was due today (friday) but I am no way done.. I've done 37%? She only gave us a week.. and we don't even need a meaning behind our painting which annoys me so much because we should have meanings. Sasha copied a picture from a photo. That is not fair. There's no meaning: mountains in the distance, trees in the front. My painting has meaning behind it and it's basically awesome. Lol. At least I didn't paint myself again... I've broken away from my normal niche! Yay.. My painting is so ironic.. I found it really amusing... (but apparently I can only hear my own voice laughing.... I guess no one really finds it as funny as I do).
It never ceases to amaze me how much capacity one can love. The simplicity: loving someone seems so clear cut and defined it becomes oversimplified. I don't know what I'm saying, I just know how it feels. But I presume we've all loved someone deeply, so you'd understand what I'm talking about. And I am not talking just eros love by philos (can't remember the term of brotherly love... correct me please) love as well. As some noted person said once, when one falls in love, he instantly becomes a poet. Something like that. Okay that's all for now.
I learnt a lot this month. I think God has taught me a lot in struggling, we find something else...We always hear that you should pick yourself up after you fall... but when you're in that pit... it just seems like empty words ricocheting into nothing.
If you don't know, I like to write (which is quite obvious considering I have a blog...). And I think I write better than a lot of people I know (stylistically and grammatically speaking.... depth wise too but I probably sound as if I have an inflated head). I was hoping to ace my personal narrative essay (Which eventually turned into persuasive) cuz I'm strong at that. I like writing stuff that concerns myself because you can't really go wrong. Well I received a mark that was close to 50 and I was pretty much devastated... The teacher said she couldn't mark it cuz it wasn't a personal or a persuasive, thus did not fit any criteria or ruberic.
And I cried.
The week before I had already failed my g2 (yes, for those who didn't know.. I failed it. And I cried a lot too.. yes.. I believe crying eleviates frustration and burden). And for my prose test, I received a 74 which kinda shocked me (according to my teacher it's way above the 53% average! But I don't care about average. I want higher!) So I was thinking "What next?! Am I gonna fail my upcoming english seminar? My upcoming g2 test again?" I know I'm good at English. I can do well and put my thoughts into words yet I couldn't get where I wanted to be. What did I want? I want an 85ish for English. But now I'm getting a lot worse than some of my 'less competent' (if you get my drift. I'm not being mean but this is true) English peers... okay fine. I shall stop comparing. I really have to stop. I feel the need to do well in English because it's the only thing I could compare myself with my other science friends.
But every cloud has to have a silver lining right?
So.... this week.. I passed my g2 and I got an 87% on my seminar (okay I wanted 90 but whatever... I think my expectations are a bit warped). Though I didn't get the 90, my mom reminded me of how God had blessed me with a great group that worked hard on their behalf of the seminar, Tania who helped me 'regurgitate' info so I had stuff to tell the class and a dad who helped me edit and stuff like that (I made this short video clip with pple I randomly interviewed on our issue of the ignorance within the public on the negative effects of cosmetic surgery)... yes. Well I the reason I cried those last two times was because I wanted something so bad and worked so hard on it that I fell short and didn't get even close to what I wanted. There aren't many things that I've tried that hard to achieve and the things that I do care about, they disappear.
It was quite odd though.. Every time I 'failed', the following day was always bright and beautiful and it constantly reminded me that He would never forsake us. The sun will still shine and life will go on. There will be other times I could redeem myself. Also I came across so many songs that were really encouraging such as Skillet's 'Imperfection', 'Dare You to Move' by Switchfoot, 'All Alone' by Kutless, 'Someone's Watching Over Me' and 'Fly' by Hilary Duff.
I also learnt that I have to let go of my pride. I never really thought of myself as a really proud nor 'arrogant' person but I guess I could be and become more condescending towards some of my peers when I feel competitive.
Sigh.. Im so sleepy.. I have a painting due on Monday.. well it was due today (friday) but I am no way done.. I've done 37%? She only gave us a week.. and we don't even need a meaning behind our painting which annoys me so much because we should have meanings. Sasha copied a picture from a photo. That is not fair. There's no meaning: mountains in the distance, trees in the front. My painting has meaning behind it and it's basically awesome. Lol. At least I didn't paint myself again... I've broken away from my normal niche! Yay.. My painting is so ironic.. I found it really amusing... (but apparently I can only hear my own voice laughing.... I guess no one really finds it as funny as I do).
It never ceases to amaze me how much capacity one can love. The simplicity: loving someone seems so clear cut and defined it becomes oversimplified. I don't know what I'm saying, I just know how it feels. But I presume we've all loved someone deeply, so you'd understand what I'm talking about. And I am not talking just eros love by philos (can't remember the term of brotherly love... correct me please) love as well. As some noted person said once, when one falls in love, he instantly becomes a poet. Something like that. Okay that's all for now.
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