One Year Gone// Visionaire: Becoming an Empress// Kaba Modern is the Hotness

Creepy but so pretty... my roommates and I did this in freshmen year

'At the temple, there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it.'
-Memoirs of a Geisha
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I've become really nostalgic these days. I'm wishing to relive this time last year. Things weren't perfect but I've fallen in love with the past.

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we'll show you as amazing a time as we can...
...which may not be that amazing
but you'll be with us
so it'll be amazing anyways.

To be included in a circle of close friends is one of the greatest things anyone could wish for. Tonight I went to Brooklyn with two classmates to discuss our project over dinner at a renovated diner known for its menu which changes with the season. That's one thing I'll miss about New York: the amazing food and the atmosphere. Anyway while inhaling a sustainably-grown burger and their dessert of the day: a chocolate mascarpone cake with candied walnuts, a ribbon of caramel and a dollop of cream, we talked about high school, parties, wine and food sustainability. One of my classmates wants to revive the whole Salon party idea in which people got together to discuss matters of importance over a good meal. They asked me what I did back in high school- I told them I was really tame since I surrounded myself with levelheaded friends who weren't really into drinking. I love hosting dinner parties for close friends: I mean, all we really needed was a good meal, good friends and good conversation.

It's why I am so perfect for the Welcoming Ministry- I like making people feel at home in an unfamiliar environment and I like setting up the sandwiches and stuff in some pretty pattern. I know it sounds lame but I can do it well. lol. Screw Parsons, I should just become a caterer. jk.

At the same time, I don't understand why when I walk into a room, everyone ignores me unless I acknowledge their presence first. On Thursday I decided to help out with Praise Night rehearsal by dressing up like a harajuku girl while bringing enough accessories to harajukify the rest of the girls who looked too normal to be called one. When I walked into the room full of PARSONS girls, none of them said hi. It was the weirdest, most isolating feeling ever.

I don't know. I'm trying so hard. Trying so hard to reach out to people. They commend me for trying but when is it too much? I saw the welcoming leader for the first time today, she who I deem one of my closer friends at Remnant. She asked me how I was, I didn't want to lie so I said I was okay. She sensed there was something wrong so made the effort to establish a time to meet up tomorrow over dessert.

This was my greatest fear: to be the novelty in a group of people- to be the new girl- and then slowly the interest fades until it becomes nothing. I wrote this over a year ago. Now a year has passed so why do I feel like I've just returned to square one? In a way I feel more empty and miserable than where I first started- to know that I even tried without seeing much fruit is harder to swallow than knowing the apparent solution to my social problems without trying it out.

I was reading an old entry I wrote a year ago: Andrew sent me this quote about giving and receiving love. Just as the heart needs blood flow through it and out of it, we must give love as well as receive it. Without one or the other, love does not function. Using this analogy, I feel like I'm giving a lot but not getting much in return. If you examine my motivations in doing a lot of the things I do, it's for other people. Of course you could say I do it for myself- but I can't explain it anymore than how I've tried.

God, are you listening to me?
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One of the best conversations I had lately was with my friend, Soph, who came to visit me in New york the past weekend. Since she goes to Western, I rarely see her and the one time I did see her the past year was in a movie theatre. During her first night over, we started talking about sustainability issues and talked until 3am discussing ideas. She looked over my sketchbook and loved all the drawings and scribbled quotes I did ("wow did you write this quote on love? That's deep"). We talked about our frustrations with carrying the conversations within relationships since we are both extroverts by nature and about our love for art history and its ability to summarize the philosophies and beliefs of a certain time period.

Yesterday I was running a few errands, tossing a ton of groceries into my canvas tote bag with a large broccoli floating on the top. As I was crossing the street, my right foot caught on shaky ground and I stumbled slightly. I heard a voice from behind saying "wow watch it there. You must be a ballerina."
A little embarrassed at my clumsiness I didn't really look at the guy behind me but said no I wasn't one. It was apparent he was going the same way as me but it was a little awkward for me to have swung around to talk while still heading in the same direction without stopping. He must have looked into my bag of groceries, and said,
"so what are you going to do with the broccoli... I see broccoli and cream cheese... are you going to boil the broccoli?"
I said yes.
"par boil?"
Er, what's that? Does that mean half boiling?
"It's semi boiling- so that it retains a crispness to it without making it bitter. You know when you go to Chinese restaurants and you wonder how they manage to make it taste sweet? Like that. So what are you gonna do with cream cheese and broccoli?"
Um I was going to boil the broccoli to eat like my mom makes it and use the cream cheese for baking.
"have you tried broccoli sprouts?"
Nope.
"They're really bitter but they're healthy for you."

By that time we were standing outside the local gym near me. This guy was about 6' and I'm guessing about mid forties.

I told him I'd rather have tasty broccoli than it being healthy.
"So you're a.. what do they call those people who like pleasure.. a hedonist!"
Errrrrrrr..... Okay I don't go out of my way to seek pleasure as if it was the most important thing in the world. Pleasure is good but you're taking it to the extreme.
"You look like a hedonist"
(in my head I was saying what?!?! I looked down at my clothes- they were pink... is that why??)
"So what do you want to do when you grow up?"
It's complicated and hard to explain. Essentially I want to redesign the system of consumption and production within the fashion industry.
"Wow that's one of the best answers I've gotten in a long time."
Yeah it's abstract but that's what I'm interested in. What do you do?
"I'm a camera man. I worked for Dan Rather. Do you know him?"
Errr I've heard of him... (I really could not remember where though- I thought he died.. lol)
"The news anchorman. Filming his shots were tricky because you had to do it from two sides.....I also worked in film before- I did some videos for Betsey Johnson. they were crazy"
Oh that's really cool. Yeah I know who she is! Crazy fashion designer. So where are you from?
"Actually I was born in the city."
Wow so you're from the rare breed of native New Yorkers.
"Yep."
Alright well it was nice meeting you. Maybe I'll bump into you some time around the gym- I live down the block.
"Oh you do? Even better, I'll take your number down and we can discuss more about your field of study."


Yeah that was the most random conversation ever. I ought to stand in front of the gym more- it seems that most of the people I do meet are right in front of the gym. -_-

So I finished this j drama series called 'Jotei'. Despite the usual Asian cheese, the main character, Ayaka, reminded me of, well, myself. Now I'm not looking to become an Empress of the night world and to sell my virginity to the highest buyer but we both have the same strength and determination to get to where we want. While she wanted to take revenge on all the rich, powerful people who sought to oppress her and her mother by becoming the owner of a hostess club, I'm looking to start my own company that rivals Zara. The one thing that I really did get out of this series is that an Empress is created from the support of others. I know I can't do this whole sustainable fashion company alone. I know I need to find people who have the same vision as me in order to get this thing going. It's why I don't mind talking about what I want to do with anyone because you never know how they could contribute their two cents into the project. I've already emailed one textile company in Quebec pioneering in closed-loop system fabrics on a possible collaboration.

A recent friend called me a visionary.
I said I liked that term.
Yes I'm a visionary. I can think outside the box- I spoke to Soph about this. We both had the idea of creating clothes from nano-technology. Why couldn't clothes be actual microchips that merely projected a garment onto the body that was both a covering and tactile to the touch? Imagine how much closet space we could save plus every time you got bored of an outfit, you would just have to send the chip back to be reconfigured into another design. It was really exciting to be talking to her about similar visions that we had.
I can only dream things up. That's the role of the designer: to explore alternative views on how to live. No offense but engineers aren't the most creative bunch- give them a goal or an objective and they'll follow through with it. But I need them to realize my ideas because I'm obviously not smart enough to do it on my own. I spoke to one of the Loo people about my vision since he was in engineering and looking to study hybrids and wind energy, and he responded, "where do I sign up?"

Who will join in my fellowship?
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I am addicted to Chris Brown's Wall to Wall after watching Kaba Modern's dance version of it. The girls are so frickin hot. I am officially a huge fan of 'America's Best Dance Crew'. Kaba Modern is the hotness.
Kaba Modern's Live Audition is the bomb. Frick I saw this and was totally bowled over.
Episode three to Lil' Mama's 'G-slide' was sooooo cuteeeeeee.
Episode Four was amazing too: asian nerds vs sexy robot girls. Now that's awesomeness. LOL.

Now you know why I can be so easily swayed- if I see an interesting visual, I'll probably like the song because I can conjure up a picture associated with the music.

I've found a bunch of church girls who want to take hip hop lessons. HAAHA. Now I really want to take hip hop after watching Kaba Modern. And perhaps I can get over my fear of dancing AND get fit (which I need urgently).