The Expiry Dated Life

I drew this at the MET two weeks ago since my friend wanted to go but I had already had my fill of the museum so I sat down and sketched this sculpture for two hours. I miss sketching from life.

One thing I learned during my trip to Hong Kong was the impossibility of being the main supporting actress in the lives of others. In the past I became bitter when I found out my friends were having fun without me in Hong Kong like they forgot what we had and moved on so easily. When I met up with an old best friend, it felt alright. We were different, we were somewhat the same, we grew up. We only existed in each other's memories and now living in the present, creating them also, even if for briefly a moment.

Ever since then the idea of a 'best friend' didn't really... jive with me. I never liked the term, I tried for a while, and at the moment look back and still say I'm not really into it.
I've learned that I'm a person who likes her eggs in many baskets. People disappoint so it's better to spread them out than have to have them all shatter at the same time.

Favourite song as of now? Over You by Daughtry. Lame, emo MV but I like the lyrics. It's a song that's dwelled in me from December to March. I've been feeling like this for a while- not to the extent of the lyrics itself, but when I first heard this song on the plane flying to HK, I was hooked.

God, sometimes it's easier to not love.
I'm tired of pursuing.
It's so wonderful when someone actually cares to listen to you. And then I feel guilty when people actually listen because it feels like I'm just dumping all my emotional garbage on them.

A family friend in HK is having problems integrating herself and her family in the city. Prior to settling in HK, she lived in Vancouver and would visit HK. When she went to visit, friends flocked to her. Yet now since she's settled down, she's having a hard time finding those friends who used to be able to make time for her. I was listening in to my mom's conversation with her best frien about this particular family friend. She said that my mom's friend is used to having that attention as a visitor in HK but ever since she settled down in HK, she becomes a relatively lower priority in her friends' eyes because she is no longer a temporary fixture.
I've also realized that the reason why I see my life in toronto through rose-coloured glasses is that people are willing to put me on high priority when I visit primarily for the fact that I'm just a VISITOR in Toronto now. I no longer live there. New York is home now, even if temporarily. It's why I am disappointed with relationships here when people don't 'make time' for me although I find time for them. It's probably why I feel more loved in Toronto than I do here.
"You want to go bubble tea? Well you're only here for a week, so sure."
Living life on expiry dates can be a good thing after all.

I wonder what life would be like if I moved back.

This is not a self pity post. I feel so cold right now. Why am I going through this heart numbing cycle again?
I realize I've learned many lessons when I was a lot younger- I thought I was naive, but I was right all along. I thought I grew up, thought differently but no, it's just the same.
So this is it.
The end?

Where's closure when you need it.
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Was talking with Nick tonight:
Nick: i can actually get a decent pair of genes for 20 bucks at UP, stitches
Sam: you know you'vee been in the lab too long when you spell 'jeans' as 'genes'