a letter to a friend
If you can't take emotion, expression, visual language, vulnerability, honesty... then I suggest you stop reading here. It is not for you. I have noticed through looking at others, people who have spent time on this world have become cynical and sarcastic and hard to honest words. They can handle gore, violence, vulgarity and slander but not real expression.
It's not sap, it's the truth.
Those who are cynical and fear love, call it sap.
Those who have realized what love is and are connected with one's self, call it honesty and encouragement.
__________________________________________________________________
you probably are fast asleep in your bed right now as I type this but oh well. I'm working on my idc paper... well attempting. Everyone is asleep except drew and liz are still out. Whenever I hear 'Hope You Dance', it makes me sad. I don't know why.. perhaps because I listen to 97.3 easy rock and it's always on and I associate it with Toronto and the car and it makes me miss what life was before. Of course the lyrics are very inspirational. Unlike many people, I think that I truly do have that gift of a neverending sense of awe and wonder. You know me, I'm so easily amused. 'I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean'- I feel small even when I stare out into the sky and see a plane whooshing by... where are they going? Who is in there? Did they travel far? It makes me feel small when I see all the stars and I can't begin to comprehend how great our universe is.
The song reminds me of driving up onto our garage at my house during the fall when the leaves are ruby red. I don't know why... it reminds me of my after school art lessons.
'Never settle for the path of least resistance'- when do I ever do that? -_-. I feel like all my life, I've been taking chances.. I'm not sure if it was by choice or if it was destined to be so. I guess it's a mix of both. I wanted to go to Parsons but then again the Toronto design schools suck.
I don't know. This whole Christmas holiday.. I didn't do anything eventful or grand like Michael who was playing scrabbble with his best friend and got a call from his best Kate Spade client to a rooftop party where they could see the fireworks on new years eve but it was just nice to 'return' back to normal just for a bit. I think that's how you cherish something- when you know it will not last, you hold onto it tightly so long the memory is still there. We enjoy things more when we know it's only temporary. Isn't that sad? I wish we could physically put our most precious things into a beautiful jewelry box. Mine would be filled with beautiful memories- spun in gold and amber, clouds of frothy tulle and cream and embroidered with glass beads, seed pearls and iridescent leaves. Thoughts and memories of you- your smile and crescent eyes, the sprinkle of cinnamon freckles, the silly giddy laugh. Oh how I miss you. That glass drop of crystal- the memory of our oakville trip with its beautiful blue skies and ice cream. And that silk embroidered apricot- the memory of the gr 11 surprise party you held me. And this sapphire globe- the memory of going to the park and it rained on us while we ran back. And here is the crushed velvet heart- the memory of the visits to get your prom dress. And one that is of a gold twig with ruby berries- the memory of redecorating your room in its 'Bahama Blue' and new desk furniture which we got from ikea.. you had to squish on the floor because the supplies wouldn't fit into your Mercedes. And there is the goblet out of feathers and taffeta- the memory of our bike rides around Mill Pond. Wonderful memories weren't they? And yet that chapter of our lives have closed and here we are in the midst of a new one- one that is much darker and harder. We struggle with a new independence, a new setting, different people and new issues. We- just like the soldiers in 'The Battle' dramatic poetry reading we did in gr10- have our backs bent fighting against everything that is trying to break us down. It reminds me of Forrest Gump and Bubba sitting back to back looking out for one another. You encompass the perfect friend: someone to have fun with (yes.. scrabble. how nerdy), someone to call on the time of need (when I did bad on my world issues test, you and dor were there) and to share a secret with.
I remember the night you told me about your car crash.. I remember just being very numb and too tired to react from flying back from wherever I was... California? Now looking back, I've realized how stupid I've been. If something to have happened and you had died, we'd never have those memories- nothing for me to save and cherish. You don't realize what you have, until He reveals what can be lost.
As I write this letter to you, I don't know if these tears are from joy or sorrow or regret or thanskgiving but I'm just so grateful to you. Your sheer loyalty and unselfishness amazes me- I guess partially because you are an INFP or whatever but nevertheless unlike this ENFP who likes to jump around from person to person. You've shown me that I can be happy with one friendship.
Although I can't say what will happen in the future- perhaps you'll move here, or I move back or you go abroad to do some volunteering or me going on an exchange for a semester in europe, I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me- when I feel small,and alone- you've always been there to hoist me back up. I know you're stressed over the Otesha thing and just trying to juggle your workload and roommate all at once, crumpling from this heavy burden, but I hope, as you have told me, that you will dance. And I will be there right beside you.
It's not sap, it's the truth.
Those who are cynical and fear love, call it sap.
Those who have realized what love is and are connected with one's self, call it honesty and encouragement.
__________________________________________________________________
you probably are fast asleep in your bed right now as I type this but oh well. I'm working on my idc paper... well attempting. Everyone is asleep except drew and liz are still out. Whenever I hear 'Hope You Dance', it makes me sad. I don't know why.. perhaps because I listen to 97.3 easy rock and it's always on and I associate it with Toronto and the car and it makes me miss what life was before. Of course the lyrics are very inspirational. Unlike many people, I think that I truly do have that gift of a neverending sense of awe and wonder. You know me, I'm so easily amused. 'I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean'- I feel small even when I stare out into the sky and see a plane whooshing by... where are they going? Who is in there? Did they travel far? It makes me feel small when I see all the stars and I can't begin to comprehend how great our universe is.
The song reminds me of driving up onto our garage at my house during the fall when the leaves are ruby red. I don't know why... it reminds me of my after school art lessons.
'Never settle for the path of least resistance'- when do I ever do that? -_-. I feel like all my life, I've been taking chances.. I'm not sure if it was by choice or if it was destined to be so. I guess it's a mix of both. I wanted to go to Parsons but then again the Toronto design schools suck.
I don't know. This whole Christmas holiday.. I didn't do anything eventful or grand like Michael who was playing scrabbble with his best friend and got a call from his best Kate Spade client to a rooftop party where they could see the fireworks on new years eve but it was just nice to 'return' back to normal just for a bit. I think that's how you cherish something- when you know it will not last, you hold onto it tightly so long the memory is still there. We enjoy things more when we know it's only temporary. Isn't that sad? I wish we could physically put our most precious things into a beautiful jewelry box. Mine would be filled with beautiful memories- spun in gold and amber, clouds of frothy tulle and cream and embroidered with glass beads, seed pearls and iridescent leaves. Thoughts and memories of you- your smile and crescent eyes, the sprinkle of cinnamon freckles, the silly giddy laugh. Oh how I miss you. That glass drop of crystal- the memory of our oakville trip with its beautiful blue skies and ice cream. And that silk embroidered apricot- the memory of the gr 11 surprise party you held me. And this sapphire globe- the memory of going to the park and it rained on us while we ran back. And here is the crushed velvet heart- the memory of the visits to get your prom dress. And one that is of a gold twig with ruby berries- the memory of redecorating your room in its 'Bahama Blue' and new desk furniture which we got from ikea.. you had to squish on the floor because the supplies wouldn't fit into your Mercedes. And there is the goblet out of feathers and taffeta- the memory of our bike rides around Mill Pond. Wonderful memories weren't they? And yet that chapter of our lives have closed and here we are in the midst of a new one- one that is much darker and harder. We struggle with a new independence, a new setting, different people and new issues. We- just like the soldiers in 'The Battle' dramatic poetry reading we did in gr10- have our backs bent fighting against everything that is trying to break us down. It reminds me of Forrest Gump and Bubba sitting back to back looking out for one another. You encompass the perfect friend: someone to have fun with (yes.. scrabble. how nerdy), someone to call on the time of need (when I did bad on my world issues test, you and dor were there) and to share a secret with.
I remember the night you told me about your car crash.. I remember just being very numb and too tired to react from flying back from wherever I was... California? Now looking back, I've realized how stupid I've been. If something to have happened and you had died, we'd never have those memories- nothing for me to save and cherish. You don't realize what you have, until He reveals what can be lost.
As I write this letter to you, I don't know if these tears are from joy or sorrow or regret or thanskgiving but I'm just so grateful to you. Your sheer loyalty and unselfishness amazes me- I guess partially because you are an INFP or whatever but nevertheless unlike this ENFP who likes to jump around from person to person. You've shown me that I can be happy with one friendship.
Although I can't say what will happen in the future- perhaps you'll move here, or I move back or you go abroad to do some volunteering or me going on an exchange for a semester in europe, I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me- when I feel small,and alone- you've always been there to hoist me back up. I know you're stressed over the Otesha thing and just trying to juggle your workload and roommate all at once, crumpling from this heavy burden, but I hope, as you have told me, that you will dance. And I will be there right beside you.
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