I dug out my old spiritual journal today and I read this post I had written during the last few days of summer and here it goes,
Sept 3 2001
'God.. rite now.. I really need you. I'm scared and lonely. I'm scared of going to high school tomorrow. Everyone seems to already have friends they know.. I have no one. god, please help me... you know I'm painfully shy and it's really hard for me to go up to a group of girls and talk. Please givve me strength and courage. If it's okay.. can some nice girl come up to me? Or do you want me to be more *outgoing*? All I ask is for friends, help me not to fall into temptation, stay put on my ground/faith. That's all for now God.. I put my whole life into Your Hands. Thanks Dad, You're awesome. Love Samantha Wong'
It's interesting how all my needs were met. I remember the night before school, I cried because I was so terrified. I remember the first day of school, I stood at my locker and there was this other girl standing with her viola. We didn't speak at first but finally she introduced herself and she just so happened to be in the same Arts York class (the first period) as I was.
So I guess I will be able to pull through if I did go to New York. God has always been faithful and has always provided the things that I've needed. I'm just scared. Here I am, living with my parents who take care of me and going to a school were I now know many people. Moving to a different country, knowing no one and having to take care of myself is quite terrifying for me. I think the easy way out would be to go to Ryerson (if they accept me.. if they rejected me, it would make my life a whole lot easier cuz I'd be herded into one direction) where I'd know Doro, know the city and be close to my family and friends.
When people freak out about university and how they'd pay for it... I'm quite indifferent towards them because $20, 000 Can is nothing to me. When they talk about how they don't know which university to go to Uni A or Uni B... I'm thinking "I haven't even seen my university, I don't even know anything about them"
I feel quite torn. If I ever decide to go to Ryerson, I'll always be burdened with that question "what if I went to New York" because everyone knows that NY is the place for people like me. If I went to Ryerson, I'd be closing that door and perhaps I'll never know what would have happened if I took the harder road. The less traveled road. No one in Toronto leaves Canada. The best architecture program is not in Waterloo or Ryerson but in Cornell. The best engineering program is not in Waterloo, it's in MIT. But that's okay with me, wherever people go because that's what they want. Their own decision. I'm just too afraid to wander off on my own, alone.
Sept 3 2001
'God.. rite now.. I really need you. I'm scared and lonely. I'm scared of going to high school tomorrow. Everyone seems to already have friends they know.. I have no one. god, please help me... you know I'm painfully shy and it's really hard for me to go up to a group of girls and talk. Please givve me strength and courage. If it's okay.. can some nice girl come up to me? Or do you want me to be more *outgoing*? All I ask is for friends, help me not to fall into temptation, stay put on my ground/faith. That's all for now God.. I put my whole life into Your Hands. Thanks Dad, You're awesome. Love Samantha Wong'
It's interesting how all my needs were met. I remember the night before school, I cried because I was so terrified. I remember the first day of school, I stood at my locker and there was this other girl standing with her viola. We didn't speak at first but finally she introduced herself and she just so happened to be in the same Arts York class (the first period) as I was.
So I guess I will be able to pull through if I did go to New York. God has always been faithful and has always provided the things that I've needed. I'm just scared. Here I am, living with my parents who take care of me and going to a school were I now know many people. Moving to a different country, knowing no one and having to take care of myself is quite terrifying for me. I think the easy way out would be to go to Ryerson (if they accept me.. if they rejected me, it would make my life a whole lot easier cuz I'd be herded into one direction) where I'd know Doro, know the city and be close to my family and friends.
When people freak out about university and how they'd pay for it... I'm quite indifferent towards them because $20, 000 Can is nothing to me. When they talk about how they don't know which university to go to Uni A or Uni B... I'm thinking "I haven't even seen my university, I don't even know anything about them"
I feel quite torn. If I ever decide to go to Ryerson, I'll always be burdened with that question "what if I went to New York" because everyone knows that NY is the place for people like me. If I went to Ryerson, I'd be closing that door and perhaps I'll never know what would have happened if I took the harder road. The less traveled road. No one in Toronto leaves Canada. The best architecture program is not in Waterloo or Ryerson but in Cornell. The best engineering program is not in Waterloo, it's in MIT. But that's okay with me, wherever people go because that's what they want. Their own decision. I'm just too afraid to wander off on my own, alone.
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