Not looking for any sympathy or attention. Just feeling hollow and alone. I know nothing, I feel so stupid, revolving in my own bubble. I feel so ignorant. I know no one else's pain or suffering. I get compassion fatigue. It's pretty bad. Hopefully world issues and politics will burst this little bubble of mine. They tell me to read the newspaper. My mom tells me to read the sections other than home, food, fashion and sports (geez...... yes I'm shallow... world news really does not interest me to put it bluntly. I really cannot take much political stuff.. that's why I'm taking politics!). You know what, I really know nothing. I can never remember the dates of important wars, when Canada became independant (1867?)....... I try to read about world news.. I read about crimes in Toronto... I read about the abusive actions that the American and British soldiers had taken upon the Iraq prisoners... but I really don't like reading about... elections... that stuff...
I've always read about how great people do great things because they're driven by one thing or another. Let's say... Mother Theresa's compassion for the poor and sick lead her to commit a life that was dedicated to those who were less fortunate. Isaac Stern driven by his passion for music, his way of reaching out to people through a violin. Missionaries who spoke about their long term work in Uganda (it was so touching) were driven by their love for God. So this all builds up to my ultimate question: how do you find your passion? What drives you to do something- something great? What would move you so much for you to go out of your way just so that you can do something because you love doing it? I love doing some things... I love art (to a certain extent), I love design, I love shopping (to a certain extent) but I feel most happy when I'm connecting with people. But what would I do in order to reach certain goals? To achieve something great.. to be driven by my passion... But this is where the dilemma falls: I have no passion. I can love something, but I don't feel almost... 'inspired' to take the first step. I can't seem to get out of my comfort zone. Say for example, I'd love to help people who are less fortunate then me, but I admit, I am lazy and when the opportunity arrives I make excuses. Or for example, if I do get accepted to my dream university in New York, do I really want to take that step out of that comfortable house in Toronto and live entirely on my own? Although the tuition fees are in the $44,000 Cdn range, I know this will pay off in the long run. I would be able to get a better job in New York because (to put it bluntly) the city is artistically stronger (80 museums in that city including the MOMA and the Guggenheim) and the internships are crazy good at Parsons. You see, I adore fashion. To some it may just be clothing, but for me, it's an art. It's design. It's about making people feel good about themselves and it's basically another way of expressing yourself. But my hopes in becoming involved in the fashion industry are pretty slim to none because I'm too lazy to learn how to sew. In fact, I remember I used to hate sewing cuz I screwed up on a pillow and had to take out all the stitches. It was pretty frustrating. Plus the odds of hitting it big is pretty small considering Parsons accepts 459 fashion students all competing to become Number One. I don't want to be a starving artist who lives in a Bohemian chic shack. You know, the easiest way out is to go into Ryerson where if my other two art buddies go in, I shall already know 2 out of 90 people. Plus there are those who will go to U of T and Toronto is not exactly the most difficult place to navigate around (I'm gonna have a great time trying to find 52nd street along the 59th, 55th, 56th... ergh.. and the subways are so ugly and crap there.. and so difficult to get by).
So anyway, I have no passion. I'm not passionate about saving the environment like others. I do my share of trying to save energy and recycle but I don't feel compelled to do much more. Not like I do that with anything anyway environment, art or whatnot.
If someone was to point a gun in my face and asked if I was a Christian, the obvious answer would be to say yes. But in reality, I think I would be freaking scared. I think I would say yes but who is to judge? I might say no when the time rolls around. But what would I die for? What things compel me to go beyond the mediocre? I cannot say, I'm still trying to look for what my heart sings to. But I shall find out, one day or another.
I've always read about how great people do great things because they're driven by one thing or another. Let's say... Mother Theresa's compassion for the poor and sick lead her to commit a life that was dedicated to those who were less fortunate. Isaac Stern driven by his passion for music, his way of reaching out to people through a violin. Missionaries who spoke about their long term work in Uganda (it was so touching) were driven by their love for God. So this all builds up to my ultimate question: how do you find your passion? What drives you to do something- something great? What would move you so much for you to go out of your way just so that you can do something because you love doing it? I love doing some things... I love art (to a certain extent), I love design, I love shopping (to a certain extent) but I feel most happy when I'm connecting with people. But what would I do in order to reach certain goals? To achieve something great.. to be driven by my passion... But this is where the dilemma falls: I have no passion. I can love something, but I don't feel almost... 'inspired' to take the first step. I can't seem to get out of my comfort zone. Say for example, I'd love to help people who are less fortunate then me, but I admit, I am lazy and when the opportunity arrives I make excuses. Or for example, if I do get accepted to my dream university in New York, do I really want to take that step out of that comfortable house in Toronto and live entirely on my own? Although the tuition fees are in the $44,000 Cdn range, I know this will pay off in the long run. I would be able to get a better job in New York because (to put it bluntly) the city is artistically stronger (80 museums in that city including the MOMA and the Guggenheim) and the internships are crazy good at Parsons. You see, I adore fashion. To some it may just be clothing, but for me, it's an art. It's design. It's about making people feel good about themselves and it's basically another way of expressing yourself. But my hopes in becoming involved in the fashion industry are pretty slim to none because I'm too lazy to learn how to sew. In fact, I remember I used to hate sewing cuz I screwed up on a pillow and had to take out all the stitches. It was pretty frustrating. Plus the odds of hitting it big is pretty small considering Parsons accepts 459 fashion students all competing to become Number One. I don't want to be a starving artist who lives in a Bohemian chic shack. You know, the easiest way out is to go into Ryerson where if my other two art buddies go in, I shall already know 2 out of 90 people. Plus there are those who will go to U of T and Toronto is not exactly the most difficult place to navigate around (I'm gonna have a great time trying to find 52nd street along the 59th, 55th, 56th... ergh.. and the subways are so ugly and crap there.. and so difficult to get by).
So anyway, I have no passion. I'm not passionate about saving the environment like others. I do my share of trying to save energy and recycle but I don't feel compelled to do much more. Not like I do that with anything anyway environment, art or whatnot.
If someone was to point a gun in my face and asked if I was a Christian, the obvious answer would be to say yes. But in reality, I think I would be freaking scared. I think I would say yes but who is to judge? I might say no when the time rolls around. But what would I die for? What things compel me to go beyond the mediocre? I cannot say, I'm still trying to look for what my heart sings to. But I shall find out, one day or another.
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