How do you grieve loss?
You really can't. It's something so profoundly within the depths of your being, you can only feel it.
I haven't been blogging much because my two friends from the UN crew came from Toronto to visit me for five days. We dubbed it the UN crew because there's one Filipino/Caucasian, Caucasian, two Chinese and one Sri Lankan. Though the people within this group have changed over the years (we used to have a Russian and an American), some of us have stuck even though we've all gone on our own ways.
Initially I was reluctant to let them stay in my apartment (there was a mix up with the hotel they were intending to stay at) due to space and homework issues, but now I'm extremely glad that they did. Over the past few days I've been exploring New York with the two of them from Chinatown (to eat the crappiest dim sum I've ever had.. I've never seen such small pork buns in my entire life), Soho, Nolita, Upper East Side, Madison Ave, Fifth Ave etc. Within the past five days I've gone to:
Columbus Circle
Metropolitan Museum of Art: to take Vanessa and to see the couture exhibit.. one woman owns the most ginormous couture closet I have ever seen.. and we're not allowed to take pictures of it. How retarded is that. I can take pictures of a Vermeer or a Rembrandt but not an Yves Saint Laurent. Whatever, I snuck some. I've never seen so many people in just one exhibit.
Soho shops
Madison Avenue shops: Good for researching my midterm project... I was examining the $500 scarves at Hermes through the window to see their famous 'hand rolled hems' and this black guy approaches me and says "Girl, you must be doing well if you can afford that kind of stuff." I'd be inside if I were rich enough, not outside.
Museum of Modern Art: The most interesting interpretations of what art is:

No, that's not the wall she's staring quizzically at, but a painting. Yes, if anyone wants this, I can paint you one for Christmas. It'll be tough but I think with all my fine arts background, I can paint you a block of colour. Is this art?? I had no idea what the heck it was supposed to symbolize. Can any NBA fans or ballers out there tell me:

Anyway after having enough of Modern 'Art', we went to eat at the caf and the food took so long that the manager
just gave it to us for free. Sweet, $24 lunch on the house.
Chinatown for Chinese New Year: We were literally being crushed by a mob of people. I didn't want to die trying to get to the dimsum restaurant. The dimsum was pretty unsatisfying. The buns were about the size of typical Toronto shrimp dumplings (2-2.5 inches in diameter) and we each had to pay $10 and I was still hungry. However we did go to a gelato shop and had the yummiest ice cream. Drool. I tried the 'Thai Chili Chocolate'- cool to the taste but spicy on the tongue.
Whole Foods: organic grocery store... Julia is obsessed with it and we've been eating freshly made peanut butter with spoons. It's good.
Bloomingdales: Well we also went to Macys but Bloomingdales is higher end and Julia wanted to find some flavour spray (zero calories and sugar and fat). Since I hadn't given Vanessa a present for Christmas, I wanted to buy her something and I knew she wanted sunglasses so we stood at the counter perusing the cheaper BCBGs and Marc by Marc Jacobs glasses in hopes of finding a good pair. Since any foreigners can get a 11% discount card with id, Vanessa picked a pair and put it on hold so that she could get the card and buy the glasses when she returned. When they were going to Customer Service, I whispered to the lady that I wanted to pay for it and she said, "okay, darling. I understand. I'll have it over here and you can give me your card when you come back". So I get the card and am poised with my credit card to pay for her sunglasses. Vanessa realizes what's happening as I give her the credit card yet in my stupidity, I forgot to give the cashier the 11% discount card so she has to use my card again. Vanessa quickly grabs onto my plastic and both wrists as I'm struggling to give her my card. Anyway the cashier takes her card to my dismay yet when I got loose with one arm, the cashier took my card and handed Vanessa back hers... and throughout all this time, Julia is standing in the back not helping me. I asked her why she didn't help me pay, and she told me she wanted to see if the "little one could win". -_- Anyway I got out of the store with burning chalky red wrists.
Food: I ate so much the past few days... expensive and my food budget has skyrocketed but I did help make a vegetarian lasagna:

I had tons of fun the past five days. During the last hour of their stay, I asked my roomie to take a few pictures of us before they had to get on a taxi to the airport, and she said she has never seen me so sentimental.
I am a very sentimental person in terms of holding onto memories and remembering what I love most. I miss them already. I see a lot of myself within them and the differences between us that make us fit so well together. The first night that they were here, my roomie's friends were over and they were all a little drunk and being rowdy. All of us were on my side of the room in our pjs and just trying to relax but one of her friends (who also coincidentally is from Toronto), sits next to Julia and asks her if she drinks. She said "no" and he asked her what she did for fun then. Slightly annoyed she replied "well I guess I don't have fun then."
So now they've gone. The empty floor once occupied by two sleeping bags leaves an imprint of the memories of two friends who have come and gone.