Life in Pieces// Thoughts as Shattered Glass
-Life can suck so much sometimes. Oh well the weather was beautiful today and I decided to walk home from church rather than taking the subway from 34th street on 7th Ave to 13th street and 6th ave. It took about half an hour but it was wonderful.
-As Bridget Jones once said, when one part of your life is going beautifully well another drastically goes wrong.
-Hurtful comments have just made me go numb and take them as they are
-This distance thing sucks
-I received a handwritten letter from Sam. It was nice to hear from her and the encouragement to pull ahead in these last two weeks.
-One thing I have learned since I have moved here is the realization that I did have good friends at church though we rarely hung out. Now I have no one. Literally.
-When I feel as if I am about to study something worthy to be held with high regards, someone shoots me down
-You are the same person you were when you were in 13 or 14 or 16- with the same hopes, fears and dreams. We all pretend that we're a completely different person from what we were before. It is more of an extension of yourself.
-Clothes are your second skin.
-Why am I not a science person and did not go into life science like everyone else.
-Through the years my mother has become more than just a mother but a friend.
-My violin teacher who was supposed to teach me how to play a tune and how to express it beautifully taught me that the way I play reflects my inner being: that timid, scared sound. Play loud and strong and don't let anyone take advantage of you.
-She has become more than a teacher- she has become a friend.
-I understand that being confident and outgoing will draw people to me yet I can bring it up to myself to be that kind of person.
-I am an ENFP but I'm so introverted at the same time.
-Every Sunday, I smile to the 'Welcome' people at the front door, but not once have they looked at me and said hi. It makes me feel small and insignificant.
-I partially want Robyn to come to Parsons because I want to know someone at my church or find another church with her.
-I am terribly lonely.
-I wish this Christian walk had more people than just I.
-Search me O God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I memorized that entire chapter and Psalm 1 and was working away at all of 1 Timothy. They pop up once in a while.
-I feel as if people dont' say hi to me at church because of my face. Do I look angry or am I just not that attractive?
-I hate having to pretend.
-You mean a lot to me.
-I want you to love me but I can't make you change.
-Change is inevitable but people just can't accept it.
-I was Marilyn Monroe when my roommates all did the online pin up girl quiz. No idea why. I said my ambition in life was to be free to do anything I wished to. Allie chose to be beautiful and famous for the rest of her life. I was tempted to pick that one.
-I wonder how Debbie is. Our friendship dissipitated and it was partially my fault. We spoke the other day because of her display picture on MSN.
-I am so attracted to beautiful women/girls but not attracted to men. Even in fashion ads, the women steal the spotlight. It is not a lesbian thing. If a guy started talking about pretty girls, I'd probably join in. As for guys, I don't really have much to say.
-I've discovered that I really like carrot cake. It's probably because of the cinnamon and the icing.
-I've always wondered what I'd think about myself if I saw myself from a different person's eyes.
-My hobbies and interests are always jumping around. I can never settle on one thing. I wish I could but I can't.
-On my personality test it said that I like to steer away from confrontation. At that time I disagreed but now I realize that I really do hate confrontation and will run away from it even if it meant open arguments.
-I like this blog though I despise my writing style. It has become more than just a daily record of my activities but a journal that has chronicled all my thoughts.
-My roomies have told me that when I am angry I become deadly silent. I have noticed that too. I do that because I don't want to express my emotions. I know if I open my mouth I'd either regret it or just become unstoppable.
-Whenever I argue, I always lose.
-Whenever I argue/debate, I wonder if they learn anything about my point of view
-Sometimes I feel like I am no one to everyone. Then they start talking to me and I feel like someone again.
-I hate walking down this one stretch of pavement to school because there are always some men there just passively sitting there and it makes me paranoid. I don't want to feel like a parade.
-I dislike it when people call me weak but my fingers are the most fragile of things. People used to make fun of me.
-I have a nervous system problem and I've always been made fun of but they don't understand that I really want to catch the basketball but I just can't. This problem has caused me a lot of pain among 'friends'.
-I have developed extremely good walking legs and have excelled at the 'New Yorker' way of walking- extremely fast. When Torontonians visit, I feel as if they're strolling down ever so slowly.
-I've always photographed people but never allow people to photograph me because I like taking the picture. But perhaps it's because I am disappointed by what I see in the photo of myself which makes me want to be the photographer.
-I face one of my greatest fears every day and it appears whenever there is a mirror. Honestly, I am afraid to look into it.
-I want to read Captivating again. Just reading it makes me feel better.
-I have a kitchen, now I can make tiramisu for my classmates and roommates.
-I know our conversation will be a dry one but I can't resist saying 'hello' anyway. What if there is a connection? What if today was different?
-I blog to certain people but they may not know it.
-I want to go home so badly. Seeing a familiar face is like sitting in an old armchair- comfortable and warm.
-I often picture myself playing the violin in worship- I can hear the notes as the song rolls by.
-People who have been hurt are the ones who hurt others.
-We try to inflict as much pain on each other as possible not knowing we are killing ourselves inside.
-Observe a leaf. In shadow it is just a solid green yet in the light you see a vast network of veins that nourishes that one single leaf. Amazing.
-Today is May 1. I will soon be 19. Will you write me an email?
-I hate the word 'cute' but use it all the time.
-All the bitterness and angry exchanges dissolve with just three words. How powerful they are.
-I am happy when you talk to me- you just don't know how much it means to me. If you did, I'd be afraid that you'd use it to your advantage.
-Funny how people will pay little regard to you if you don't dress a certain way. Bonnie got all the attention at this shoe store because I was wearing a black sweater and jeans and she was wearing knee high platform lace up boots with a mini skirt, her makeup was all done and she had a bow in her hair.
-There is both abstract and clear, directed thoughts in this entry.
-I am tired of talking and hearing about feminism. It bores me.
-I can't decide whether or not I like being whistled at. We all secretly do in a way.
-I just want to let you know that I think about you constantly.
-Why has God placed you in my life?
-I want you to know that I love you.
-As Bridget Jones once said, when one part of your life is going beautifully well another drastically goes wrong.
-Hurtful comments have just made me go numb and take them as they are
-This distance thing sucks
-I received a handwritten letter from Sam. It was nice to hear from her and the encouragement to pull ahead in these last two weeks.
-One thing I have learned since I have moved here is the realization that I did have good friends at church though we rarely hung out. Now I have no one. Literally.
-When I feel as if I am about to study something worthy to be held with high regards, someone shoots me down
-You are the same person you were when you were in 13 or 14 or 16- with the same hopes, fears and dreams. We all pretend that we're a completely different person from what we were before. It is more of an extension of yourself.
-Clothes are your second skin.
-Why am I not a science person and did not go into life science like everyone else.
-Through the years my mother has become more than just a mother but a friend.
-My violin teacher who was supposed to teach me how to play a tune and how to express it beautifully taught me that the way I play reflects my inner being: that timid, scared sound. Play loud and strong and don't let anyone take advantage of you.
-She has become more than a teacher- she has become a friend.
-I understand that being confident and outgoing will draw people to me yet I can bring it up to myself to be that kind of person.
-I am an ENFP but I'm so introverted at the same time.
-Every Sunday, I smile to the 'Welcome' people at the front door, but not once have they looked at me and said hi. It makes me feel small and insignificant.
-I partially want Robyn to come to Parsons because I want to know someone at my church or find another church with her.
-I am terribly lonely.
-I wish this Christian walk had more people than just I.
-Search me O God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I memorized that entire chapter and Psalm 1 and was working away at all of 1 Timothy. They pop up once in a while.
-I feel as if people dont' say hi to me at church because of my face. Do I look angry or am I just not that attractive?
-I hate having to pretend.
-You mean a lot to me.
-I want you to love me but I can't make you change.
-Change is inevitable but people just can't accept it.
-I was Marilyn Monroe when my roommates all did the online pin up girl quiz. No idea why. I said my ambition in life was to be free to do anything I wished to. Allie chose to be beautiful and famous for the rest of her life. I was tempted to pick that one.
-I wonder how Debbie is. Our friendship dissipitated and it was partially my fault. We spoke the other day because of her display picture on MSN.
-I am so attracted to beautiful women/girls but not attracted to men. Even in fashion ads, the women steal the spotlight. It is not a lesbian thing. If a guy started talking about pretty girls, I'd probably join in. As for guys, I don't really have much to say.
-I've discovered that I really like carrot cake. It's probably because of the cinnamon and the icing.
-I've always wondered what I'd think about myself if I saw myself from a different person's eyes.
-My hobbies and interests are always jumping around. I can never settle on one thing. I wish I could but I can't.
-On my personality test it said that I like to steer away from confrontation. At that time I disagreed but now I realize that I really do hate confrontation and will run away from it even if it meant open arguments.
-I like this blog though I despise my writing style. It has become more than just a daily record of my activities but a journal that has chronicled all my thoughts.
-My roomies have told me that when I am angry I become deadly silent. I have noticed that too. I do that because I don't want to express my emotions. I know if I open my mouth I'd either regret it or just become unstoppable.
-Whenever I argue, I always lose.
-Whenever I argue/debate, I wonder if they learn anything about my point of view
-Sometimes I feel like I am no one to everyone. Then they start talking to me and I feel like someone again.
-I hate walking down this one stretch of pavement to school because there are always some men there just passively sitting there and it makes me paranoid. I don't want to feel like a parade.
-I dislike it when people call me weak but my fingers are the most fragile of things. People used to make fun of me.
-I have a nervous system problem and I've always been made fun of but they don't understand that I really want to catch the basketball but I just can't. This problem has caused me a lot of pain among 'friends'.
-I have developed extremely good walking legs and have excelled at the 'New Yorker' way of walking- extremely fast. When Torontonians visit, I feel as if they're strolling down ever so slowly.
-I've always photographed people but never allow people to photograph me because I like taking the picture. But perhaps it's because I am disappointed by what I see in the photo of myself which makes me want to be the photographer.
-I face one of my greatest fears every day and it appears whenever there is a mirror. Honestly, I am afraid to look into it.
-I want to read Captivating again. Just reading it makes me feel better.
-I have a kitchen, now I can make tiramisu for my classmates and roommates.
-I know our conversation will be a dry one but I can't resist saying 'hello' anyway. What if there is a connection? What if today was different?
-I blog to certain people but they may not know it.
-I want to go home so badly. Seeing a familiar face is like sitting in an old armchair- comfortable and warm.
-I often picture myself playing the violin in worship- I can hear the notes as the song rolls by.
-People who have been hurt are the ones who hurt others.
-We try to inflict as much pain on each other as possible not knowing we are killing ourselves inside.
-Observe a leaf. In shadow it is just a solid green yet in the light you see a vast network of veins that nourishes that one single leaf. Amazing.
-Today is May 1. I will soon be 19. Will you write me an email?
-I hate the word 'cute' but use it all the time.
-All the bitterness and angry exchanges dissolve with just three words. How powerful they are.
-I am happy when you talk to me- you just don't know how much it means to me. If you did, I'd be afraid that you'd use it to your advantage.
-Funny how people will pay little regard to you if you don't dress a certain way. Bonnie got all the attention at this shoe store because I was wearing a black sweater and jeans and she was wearing knee high platform lace up boots with a mini skirt, her makeup was all done and she had a bow in her hair.
-There is both abstract and clear, directed thoughts in this entry.
-I am tired of talking and hearing about feminism. It bores me.
-I can't decide whether or not I like being whistled at. We all secretly do in a way.
-I just want to let you know that I think about you constantly.
-Why has God placed you in my life?
-I want you to know that I love you.
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