The Artist in Me: Expressing Music on Paper// Elle Magazine: Undescribable Shame

Click it.
Er... the fruit of four hours of drawing to the same song, 'Thunder' by Nuttin But Stringz over and over again (60 times in one night.. yeah I kill songs but that's signature Sam). They're nothing amazing but I just had the sudden urge to doodle in my lacking sketchbook. The first was inspired by Art Nouveau with the likes of Mucha, Aubrey Beardsley and Klimt's Watersnakes, the second was just to see if I could draw people correctly from that angle and the last one is a very stylized depiction of me- obviously don't have a body like that; I stole the poses from a couple of fashion photos. The left one was a nude trapped in this huge nylon mesh- so I'm not showing that out of courtesy. But I have noticed that there are a lot of nude photos in fashion editorials.

My roomie didn't come back home until 5:30am so I had a blast just putting my music on real loud and drawing with my brush ink pen and bobbing my head to the music. Lol. Friends have told me to go out more but I honestly enjoy spending time alone- it doesn't bother me that much to an extent. I like having the privacy to do whatever I want without having anyone watching me- I can spin around and dance like an idiot or play the same song 100 times. Who cares?

Frick the instrumental version of Petey Pablo's 'Show Me the Money' is so good. The strings are :o. Now to look for the chords so I can play it on my violin... I wish we did some of this contemporary stuff in high school. It's repetitive but... that's the point.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=RAGQ3U9u_x0
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Elle Magazine: Undescribable Shame

Robyn's roomie came up to me today and told me how effortless the way I put my clothes together was. Haha. It's not. It's from examining magazines, fashion websites, blogs, forums and history.
Since March is safely tucked away behind us- yes it is since magazines come out half a month to a month early- I can say I was in the March issue of the US Elle magazine. There, I've said it. I don't know why I find it something to be embarrassed or ashamed about but I do. I've known since early January- around when Urbana was taking place. Wait. December. And I did not tell anyone until two weeks ago to my best friend and my mom. The only people who knew were girls from church who ran into me and said "omg you were in Elle! We saw you!" I don't know why I struggle so much with trying to accept the things that I am interested in- it makes no sense. I'm sure most people don't care that I like what I like and those who snub it are just plain shallow but I am still embarrassed to tell anyone. I don't mind telling people I'm studying 'fashion' and 'sustainability' because it's still a legit major. Yet when it comes to things like styling, putting clothes together and shopping, I clam up. If I can say so, I have a strong sense of aesthetic style- I'm not boasting, I know what looks good together for myself and like pairing things up people usually reject to make it more appealing OR some very popular piece and restyle it to appear like something else. Ironically it's the people who care about their dress are the ones who don't take themselves too seriously (I'm not saying everyone is like this- some). They're oddly enough the ones who don't care to stand out and just have fun with outward appearances- that's me. The ones who want to just blend in are the ones who do care what others think. Personally what I wear is not pure function but what the heck- as long as I can walk it's fine. I usually don't like telling people what to wear because... I just don't. You can wear what you wear, I don't care because I don't want to be perceived as another judgemental, stuck up fashionista who weighs appearance over character. I'll cast judgement but at the end of the day, who cares, honestly. Everyone forgets (although I must say I remember very arbitrary pieces people wear... I remember being at SALT and was really bored and examining this guy's white shirt.. I think it was Ecko or something.. with red stitching normally used to finish the ends of garments called 'serge' and rather than using it for practical purposes, it was used on the neckline to create a decorative stitch. LOL. Sorry, I told you it was really random- ever since I took sewing/construction classes I've been examining how clothes are put together). Anyway...
Even my roommate doesn't know I'm in the magazine- I had it bookmarked and she picked it up and I hastily pulled out the marker that was holding the page. A few minutes later, she asks me why I was trying to hide something and I gave some stupid answer. The most ridiculous thing is that I'm in a predominantly fashion school where everyone literally is wearing a pair of heels and toting a Marc Jacobs bag.
I don't know if it's because I care what people think of me- no it can't be since I ended up going to Parsons. It is more like I do what I do because I love it but I am careful to let people know I do have depth. I think that's why I have so much problems executing projects- because I seek meaning and originality within each and be able to convey something be it an issue or expression.
It's a question that remains open-ended because I can't resolve something at an instant. As it always is, it's an internal issue I myself have to deal with and no one can really solve for me.
Last night I prayed that God would sanctify my life and to be used for His good purpose and to mold me into a better person because I feel like I am so far away from it.

Rhode Island tomorrow. We're staying at a Bed and Breakfast. Whoohoo.