Whenever I visit other people's blogs, I can't help wondering why I don't have that many church friends. At this point, I don't really care anymore because I've done without them my whole life. Honestly. Yes we have those moments where we would be like "ah! Hi! long time no see! How is uni going along? How is New York?" but those are just because we haven't seen each other in a long time. If was a regular attender, it'd be different.
You know, I don't know if it's because I haven't tried hard enough.. to get 'involved' more. I've done worship team a few times, and did the christmas dinner thing and used to attend bethel for several years and loved it until everyone left to become leaders. And I used to go to CD team every week but then again, everyone left to do discipleship training and children's worship. So if anyone dares to say 'try harder', I will scream. Where is that line from 'not trying hard enough' to having 'tried hard enough under the circumstances'?
And this time, in New York, it's even harder. Without any family who already has a foothold in the congregation, I'm kinda stuck trying to make friends in a worship service (we dont have sunday school). I joined a growth group (cell group) and found someone else from my colllege, but ends up she smokes and does stuff and has disappeared entirely (yes I did email her to ask if she wanted to hang out.. no replies.) and the rest of them are friends and are all from NYU. So I just stopped going. Honestly, if You did want me to still attend a church, why aren't You providing friends?! You'd think after being to church for so many years that I'd have some by now. Now I don't even feel like going to church sometimes.
I've always been known as 'robyn's cousin' or 'grace's cousin' or 'auntie jo's niece' or 'auntie flora and uncle bobby's daughter' at church. Now I've been demoted to 'the chinese girl who goes to the 11:30am service alone and leaves alone with only the company of a krispy kreme donut and a cup of water'. It's no wonder I wander into stores on my way home to make myself feel better.
If you looked at someone say Sam, Angie, Andrew, Alex and Robyn, they all have friends at church which can be seen on their lists of friends on their blogs. Perhaps that's why my personal spiritual growth is not 'growing' that well. I am not blaming people for it all, but without people to be there and everything.. it's like how can you expect a blade of grass to sprout all by itself? Stupid analogy but whatever.
I've always seen myself somewhat set apart and different from everyone else (yes I know everyone is unique but I'm generalizing).
It is so 'chinese' and 'asian' to go into life sci and choose a university in kingston, hamilton, toronto, waterloo or whatever. It is so 'asian' to get a stable career in a high paying area. It is so 'chinese' to stay in the same province as your family.
Perhaps I may not have exams, but I can't really make up crap for my projects plus I can't skip whenever the heck I want to and sleep in and do work. Perhaps I pay $42k to go to an AMERICAN COLLEGE(in reality, I don't since I have scholarships that pay for half of it) but it doesn't mean it's not just as good as U of T or OCAD or Ryerson which I frankly think are not the greatest schools in the world. I think the point is, justifying that Parsons is in the US should not be the reason why someone doesn't attend the school. This anti-americanism is bordering on an ongoing obsession with some narrow-minded people who can't understand that in fact, American schools are better in many ways. Anyway, NY is the most anti-bush place I have ever been to. Plus job stability is possible in the art fields! Really! I dont know anyone else right now who has had a internship offer that pays $10/ hour. I don't know any other college students who work for famous photographers, designers and magazine companies other than people here.
When we had the christmas gathering, everyone was paired up into twos: two waterloo, two queens, two uhs-ers and one uoft with a brock student. I just started fazing out of the conversations on dorms and what buildings they were gonna be in. Come to think of it, I think me and Bates are the only two people who left the country-wait-province. Funny, we were laughing about that the other day.
They speculated that whoever goes into the field of organic clothing, will not really make it 'big' with traditional, classic designers such as Prada, Chanel and Dolce just because it;'s so conceptual I guess. Blah, whatever. I think my entry has 'attacked' or 'pinpointed' enough people for today. End of story.
You know, I don't know if it's because I haven't tried hard enough.. to get 'involved' more. I've done worship team a few times, and did the christmas dinner thing and used to attend bethel for several years and loved it until everyone left to become leaders. And I used to go to CD team every week but then again, everyone left to do discipleship training and children's worship. So if anyone dares to say 'try harder', I will scream. Where is that line from 'not trying hard enough' to having 'tried hard enough under the circumstances'?
And this time, in New York, it's even harder. Without any family who already has a foothold in the congregation, I'm kinda stuck trying to make friends in a worship service (we dont have sunday school). I joined a growth group (cell group) and found someone else from my colllege, but ends up she smokes and does stuff and has disappeared entirely (yes I did email her to ask if she wanted to hang out.. no replies.) and the rest of them are friends and are all from NYU. So I just stopped going. Honestly, if You did want me to still attend a church, why aren't You providing friends?! You'd think after being to church for so many years that I'd have some by now. Now I don't even feel like going to church sometimes.
I've always been known as 'robyn's cousin' or 'grace's cousin' or 'auntie jo's niece' or 'auntie flora and uncle bobby's daughter' at church. Now I've been demoted to 'the chinese girl who goes to the 11:30am service alone and leaves alone with only the company of a krispy kreme donut and a cup of water'. It's no wonder I wander into stores on my way home to make myself feel better.
If you looked at someone say Sam, Angie, Andrew, Alex and Robyn, they all have friends at church which can be seen on their lists of friends on their blogs. Perhaps that's why my personal spiritual growth is not 'growing' that well. I am not blaming people for it all, but without people to be there and everything.. it's like how can you expect a blade of grass to sprout all by itself? Stupid analogy but whatever.
I've always seen myself somewhat set apart and different from everyone else (yes I know everyone is unique but I'm generalizing).
It is so 'chinese' and 'asian' to go into life sci and choose a university in kingston, hamilton, toronto, waterloo or whatever. It is so 'asian' to get a stable career in a high paying area. It is so 'chinese' to stay in the same province as your family.
Perhaps I may not have exams, but I can't really make up crap for my projects plus I can't skip whenever the heck I want to and sleep in and do work. Perhaps I pay $42k to go to an AMERICAN COLLEGE(in reality, I don't since I have scholarships that pay for half of it) but it doesn't mean it's not just as good as U of T or OCAD or Ryerson which I frankly think are not the greatest schools in the world. I think the point is, justifying that Parsons is in the US should not be the reason why someone doesn't attend the school. This anti-americanism is bordering on an ongoing obsession with some narrow-minded people who can't understand that in fact, American schools are better in many ways. Anyway, NY is the most anti-bush place I have ever been to. Plus job stability is possible in the art fields! Really! I dont know anyone else right now who has had a internship offer that pays $10/ hour. I don't know any other college students who work for famous photographers, designers and magazine companies other than people here.
When we had the christmas gathering, everyone was paired up into twos: two waterloo, two queens, two uhs-ers and one uoft with a brock student. I just started fazing out of the conversations on dorms and what buildings they were gonna be in. Come to think of it, I think me and Bates are the only two people who left the country-wait-province. Funny, we were laughing about that the other day.
They speculated that whoever goes into the field of organic clothing, will not really make it 'big' with traditional, classic designers such as Prada, Chanel and Dolce just because it;'s so conceptual I guess. Blah, whatever. I think my entry has 'attacked' or 'pinpointed' enough people for today. End of story.
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